Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 4, Episode 4 - Young & Piggy - full transcript

Gabi and Sofia start working together, but things turn awkward when only one of them can land a coveted promotion.

My God! Gabi, guess what
I got from table 6...

a $100 tip!

Oh, you gotta give it back.
Mr. Schwartz is senile.

Oh, okay, well I'll give
it back to him as soon as he

as soon as he gets out
of the ladies' room.

Gabi, thank you so much for
getting me this waitressing job.

With this and Soul Spin, I finally
make enough money to have to pay taxes.

Aww! You're welcome.

You know, I don't know why they
say friends shouldn't work together.

- This week has been so much fun.
- Right?

I think it's made us even closer.

Out! Get out!

You're a deadbeat!

Mr. Fancy, what happened to Gary?

Let's just say all that green
stuff in his backpack, not oregano.

I fired him.

I'm gonna need a new manager.

Comes with more power, more
responsibility, and more pay.

- Anyone interested?
- I am!

- What are you doing?
- Uh, what do you mean what am I doing?

I'm movin' on up. What are you doing?

I'm movin' on up. You can't
have that manager job. It's mine.

Is it? 'Cause, uh, how
do I say this nicely?

Um, I'm so much more qualified than you.

Uh, how are you more qualified
than me? You've been here a week.

Oh, you're serious.

Gabi, I managed my dad's store,
I went to college, I can do math.

I could do math.

- Eight plus fifteen...
- Yes, that's math!

Gabi, you're not a
manager. You're a cook.

Okay, first of all, "chef".

Second of all, one
day, I'm going to have

my own restaurant where
I'm going to be manager,

so I need to know manager-y stuff.

Okay, name three things a manager does.

Makes. More. Money.

Now, girls, uh,

I've made my decision.

- Sofia, you're terrific.
- Thank you, Mr. Fancy.

- It's such an honor to accept...
- Yeah, I'm going with Gabi.

- What?
- Yes!

But I'm experienced and educated
and have great work ethic.

But she has great cans.

You can't hire her for that.

Sorry, I forgot this was not 1970.

Okay, how about, uh,
she's been here longer

and, uh, she's got seniority.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Fancy.
You made the right decision.

Good. You'll start right now.

I need supplies ordered

and I need the till to
be balanced by closing.

And if you screw it up,

I'm giving it to Shakira here.

Don't you worry, Mr. Fancy.
That till will be balanced.

- Do you even know what a till is?
- No.

But I don't have to worry
about that "till" closing.

- Yolanda,
- Mm-hmm.

I need help.

What do you want from the top
shelf, cookies or crackers?


You know how Alan and I are
applying to be foster parents?

I am so proud of you guys.

And if it's a boy, you
can wear his hand-me-downs.

There was a question

about what we like to do outdoors,

and before I could
answer, "Umbrella drinks,"

Alan wrote down camping.

Alan camps?

I know.

Orange vest, camo combat boots.

We're gay, not lesbians.

But apparently,

he used to go camping with his
temple, and now he wants me to go,

and I don't want to.

Why not?

Ooh, it's so much fun.

- You're outside...
- Pass.

- In the fresh air...
- Overrated.

Okay, Elliot, what's the deal?

All right, I'm afraid!

Of what?

Animals, bugs, white men with guns.

That last part I get.

So, you know what? Just
be honest with Alan.

I can't.

He sees me as strong and rugged.

But you're doughy and weak.

Oh, come on.

Stop being a baby. Even I go camping.

Yolanda, you can teach me to camp.


Might as well.

It's either that or clubbing.

Either way, I end up waking up outside.

Well, Ms. Manager,

this is the last receipt of the day.

I guess it's time for
you to balance the till.

Oh, I'm way ahead of you.

I was just waiting for this.

Yoink. Thank you.

Now I can get started. Good night.

Oh, actually, if you don't mind, I was
just gonna grab myself a fountain drink

and watch the master at work.

Great. Wonderful. Love the company.

Okay, here is the money...

here are the receipts...

Same height.


Okay, so should I just
take over as manager now

or when you get fired tomorrow?


Girls with cans like
these never get canned.

Now leave.

Fine, but don't come crying
to me when you need help.

Oh, I won't. I don't need your
help. I don't need anyone's help.

Josh, I need your help.

Okay, I think we got everything we need.

- Are you ready, Student?
- Ready, Teach'.

You know,

you wouldn't be the first teacher
I've had a drunken hookup with.

Okay, I... I'm ready.

Great. I thought we'd first
start off with a basic lesson

in the macro versus the microeconomic
principles of a small business.

I can't believe Sofia thought
I couldn't handle this job.

Everyone knows part of
being a good manager

is figuring out how to get other
people to do your work for you.

So, that's how buying in bulk
helps you trim some of the fat,

which is an essential principle

- of...
- Speaking of trimming the fat,

Josh sure got rid of those extra LB's.

Those new jeans look extra good.

The monetary and the fiscal
measures used by John Maynard Keynes

are exemplified, mm,
here in this pie chart.

Mmm, pie.

Ooh, maybe we should sell whole pies
at the diner and not just slices.

I'm gonna write that down.

- All right, got it?
- Got it.

Well, now that the foundation is laid,

I think you are ready to
learn how to balance the till.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Actually, I'm more of a visual learner,

so I think that I would learn
by watching you do it first.

Oh, uh, Gabi, before I leave, I
need to talk to you about the till.

Here we go.

Oh, uh, was there a problem?

Not a one.

You did a fantastic job with the
receipts and the inventory was perfect.


Gabi, you've taught me something.

That a dingy broad can do a man's job.

- Good night.
- Wait, wait, wait. Uh, Mr. Fancy,

actually, in addition to doing such
a great job, I also found a way for us

- to save money.
- Oh.

- What?
- Mm-hmm. See, uh,

I noticed how much bacon we use,
so I ordered 250 pounds of it

in bulk because it's 20% cheaper.

Wow, that's great!

I love a cheap woman.

Well, I hope you bought toilet paper
in bulk, 'cause you're full of it.

Oh, please.

Well, at least I didn't get
the job because of my breasts.

Yeah. You'd be under-qualified.

- I have an order for Gabi Diamond.
- Yeah, that's me.

Sign here and it's all yours.

- What the hell is this?
- The farm fresh pork you ordered.

No, no. Too fresh. Too fresh!

I-I didn't order an entire
freaking pig. I ordered...


Not according to this invoice. Bye now.

No, no, no. No, no, no. You
gotta... you gotta take it back.

You gotta go put it back on the truck.

Sorry. Call the number on the invoice.
Somebody will pick it up tomorrow.

No, no! But nobody can know what I did!

Don't worry, I won't tell your manager.

I am the manager.

- Seriously?
- I know.

I was just trying to save 20%!

Math always gets me in trouble.

You know what, Yolanda?

Being in the great
outdoors isn't scary at all.

Ooh, what did I tell ya?

Is it time for marshmallows?

Oh, you know it!

This is just like being
in the real forest.


babbling brook, Bigfoot.

Om, um!

Josh? I need your help again.

He'll totally help us. You know, we
used to date, but now we're friends.

It's kind of a long story.

Okay, he's not home or he's sleeping.

Too bad I still don't
work here and have a key.

You're right, it was
a good idea to keep it.


Now I just have to figure
out where to put you.

I think that you're gonna be
the most comfortable... ah...

oh, well, wherever it is you're going.


Oh, good, you're awake.

Listen, I have a
little favor to ask you.

Um, do you remember when you asked me
to order in bulk for the restaurant?

Well, I did, and there was a
little mix up, and now I have a pig.

Hey! Let me tell it.

See, I can't take it to my apartment

'cause I can't let
Sofia know what I did,

so I gotta leave it here overnight.

But I promise I'll be back
tomorrow to pick it up.

Is that okay?

- Mm!
- Oh, thank you!

See? Told you he was nice.

Okay, so I've got fruit and
water and corn on the cob

and my old quilt. See?

Listen, I'm really sorry I
gotta leave you alone, but...

if Sofia finds out, she'll
huff and she'll puff and,

well, you know the rest.

Yolanda, get back in the tent.


- Yolanda!
- Mm?

I think I hear something!

Yes, a damn fool waking me
up in the middle of the night!


I think there's something out there.

It's just the sleep machine.

Does that sound like
"Caribbean Breeze" to you?

It's off.


See? I told you. Now go back to sleep.

- Oh, my damn!
- What the hell is that?

It's a chupacabra!

Aah! We're gonna die, we're gonna die!

I'm sorry for every bad
thing I've ever said to you.

I love you.

I love you too!

Get him! Get him! Let me live! Get him!

Josh? Why is he calling at...


Hey, Josh.

What's up?

Why is there a pig on my terrace?


because you said I could put him there.

What? Wait, when did I say that?


I went to your office
when you were sleeping,

and I asked you, and you said yes.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

A "yes" when I'm asleep does not count.

It doesn't?

Okay, you just gotta let him stay there
overnight. Okay? And then tomorrow, you

gotta drop him off at the diner. If
Sofia finds out what I did, she's gonna

walk in right now.

Gabi, who the hell is calling
you at 3:00 in the morning?


No, Mr. Fancy, I do not want
a one-way ticket to Fancy Town!

Good night!

Ugh, what a pig.

You have no idea.

Hi, this is Gabi from Fancy's
Diner. I'm just calling to check

to see if the pig picker-upper
is on his way to pick up the pig?

Pardon? Perfect.

Oh, Gabi?

Josh! Hey! Thanks for
bringing the pig here.

Um, listen, again, I'm
really, really sorry.

Yeah, save it for Yolanda and Elliot.
You scared the crap out of 'em.

Which reminds me, you have to have
their tent professionally cleaned.

Oh. My. God.

Sofia, what are you doing here?
I switched you to the night shift.

Well, that is exactly why I'm
here. I knew something was up.

You changing my shift,
balancing the till, being smart.

I balanced the till!

Of course! He's been helping you!

Well, not anymore. I'm out of here. Bye!

Okay, I just can't figure
out why the pig is here.

Oh, well, I guess you're just not

- as smart as...
- The bulk order.

You tried to save money ordering
bacon, and you ordered a pig.

Are you finally ready to
admit that I should be manager?

Good morning, everybody!

Fine. You're the manager.

What? No, you gotta get
this pig out of here.

No, no, you gotta get this pig
out of here. You're the manager.

You have to help me because
if he comes back here

and sees the three of us,
we're going to get fired.

Okay, fine.

Why is it lying down?

Why is there a little
hoof coming out of its...

Oh, my God, it's pregnant!

And it's giving birth right now!

- Aww!
- Ew!

Well, what are we gonna do? I
don't know how to deliver a piglet.

Yeah, neither do I.

But I do know how to distract Mr. Fancy.

Good morning, Mr. Fancy.

Can I cook you a little
breakfast? You look hungry.

Thank you.

You keep this up, you'll find
yourself a sugar daddy in no time.

Let's have those eggs, okay?

With extra bacon.

Can it be veggie bacon?

The first two piglets came out fine,

but the third one's stuck
and the mom is in pain.


I think we need to call an adult.

We got one.

What the hell is a
pig doing in my diner?

Um, it's having babies.
And something's wrong!

Are there any doctors in the house?

Who know how to deliver a pig?

Oh! I grew up on a farm in Iowa!

We had a few acres.

Chickens, pigs...

I don't want to hear your
whole life story, okay?

- Just get in there.
- Sure.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Nice keister.

This pig is in breach!

Yeah, and she's pregnant.

Whoa, what's going on here?

Uh, the pig you delivered is delivering.

How could you send us a pregnant pig?

Sorry about that. We
just hired a new manager.

- Say no more.
- Well, that explains it.

Girls, this age-appropriate
woman has it covered.

So, uh, send the customers home and

- close the diner.
- Okay, great.

- When do you want us to come back?
- How's never?

I don't want to see you again.

Unless it's on Snapchat.

Out you go.

Can't believe Mr. Fancy fired us.


Violated sanitation laws, brought
a live animal to a restaurant,

freaked out the customers,
and ruined the kitchen.

Yeah, we really screwed up.


Okay, fine. You.

None of this would have happened if
you hadn't made me feel so stupid.

- How did I make you feel stupid?
- Oh, please. Like you don't know.

As soon as I got that manager job, you
started acting all smartypants with me.

No, I didn't!

I just said that I'm more experienced

and went to college and you can't
do basic math... Oh, there it is.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

You don't have to apologize
for being smarter than me.

Oh, I'm not smarter than you. I mean,
maybe in, like, math and English, and...

school stuff, but that's
just because I'm book-smart

- And you're...
- Cook-smart?

Yeah, I like that.

People can't eat books.

Exactly, and you are an expert at
cooking. I'm not an expert at anything.

That's true.

Oh, I guess we're both losers.

I will drink to that.

- Gabi, it's 11:00 AM.
- Yeah. Who cares? We don't have jobs.

Hey, I just thought of a way to get our

- jobs back.
- How?

We sue Mr. Fancy for sexual harassment.

Do you have any proof?

No. Do you?


Mr. Fancy! Um, I'm gonna grab my phone,

but not to record anything
inappropriate you might say.

Hold it right there, sweet cheeks.

- Dammit!
- Girls...

you have your jobs back.


What do we have to do?


After you left, I kind
of hit it off with Arlene,

the woman who delivered the piglet.

First broad I've liked
since Mrs. Fancy passed.


And you're, uh, hiring us back

because if I hadn't brought
a live animal to the diner,

you never would have met her?

No, I don't have time to hire
a new waitress or a manager.

Arlene and I are going to Acapulco.

Oh, that's nice. For how long?

Uh, till I run out of my blue pills.

- Ew.
- Romantic.

So, will you be going
back to work tomorrow?

Um, yes, but actually,

Mr. Fancy, um, Sofia should
really be the manager.

She's book-smart and I'm cook-smart.

"Cook-smart"? What the hell is that?

Ah, it doesn't matter.

Shakira, you're the new manager.

And, uh, I'll go back to being fry cook.

Uh, no can do.

I just hired a new one last night.

Wait, but now I don't have a job.

Well, I'd fire her, but, uh,

she recorded some stuff I said,
and I don't want any trouble.

- But she doesn't work on weekends.
- Oh, okay, I'll take it.

Absolutely great. Adios, girls!

Gabi, you can't pay rent working
part-time. What are you gonna do?

Josh, I need your help again...


I brought you extra
marshmallows for your cocoa.

Oh, good. I brought extra cocoa.

I really appreciate you doing
this with me again, Yolanda.

Oh, no problem, baby.

All you have to do is get through one
whole night with nothing bad happening,

and you'll be camping
with Alan in no time.

To never being scared again.

- Hey, guys.
- Aah! Chupacabra!

No, it... it's me. It's Gabi.

I know.

Anyway, great news.

I'm coming back to work for Josh.

I hate camping!