Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Young & Rob'd - full transcript

Okay, I'm doing my free spray tan now.

Uh, no you are not!

I'm locking up for Martina, so she said
that I could get the free spray tan.

What? But you're already a beautiful
shade of J-Lo. You don't need it.

Fine, you can have it.

And then afterwards, can we go
barhopping and meet some guys?

No, I can't. You know...

Josh.

Gabi, you and Josh have been
broken up for, like, a month.

Okay? You are allowed to date.

Am I? I mean, Josh is in therapy,
working on his commitment issues

and I want to be with him,
so I should wait, right?

Why can't you date while you wait?

I feel like it's one or the other, you
know? I'm either dating or I'm waiting,

and right now, I'm...

Oh, my God, someone's breaking in!

He's robbing Martina!

Okay, we gotta call 9-1-1.

- Grab... grab your phone.
- Okay. Good idea.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

I'm not stealing, okay? I was
just taking money out of the jar...

which sounds a lot like
stealing, but it's not.

Okay, well, I'm calling 9-1-1.

- No, no, no, no, seriously.
- Oh, just save it.

Wait, wait, wait, Sofia.
Let the cute guy talk.

- Hi, what's your name?
- Rob.

What's your last name? "Ber"?

Rob Ber. You're funny.

I'm funny too.

Gabi. Explain yourself.

My car is parked next door in the garage

and I can't get it out
because they only accept cash.

I tried the ATM, but it's broken.

I saw the light on, so I came in to
see if I could borrow 20 from Martina.

Oh, Sofia, he knows Martina. It's fine.

Gabi, what does that say?

Martina's.

Oh.

Look, I was definitely gonna
pay the money back tomorrow.

I love dolphins. You know they're
the only animals that have sex

for pleasure, well, besides us?

Oh, my God, dimples and brains.

Look, I really gotta go.
I'll just find another ATM.

No! No, don't go!

Um, I mean, uh...

Here you go.

What are you doing?

I promise, I'm gonna pay you back.

- Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen.
- Over dinner tomorrow night?

What?

Gabi, let me get your number.

- I thought you said you were wait...
- Dating. I said dating.

What's so funny?

Is that the video I sent you
of Elliot trying to do yoga?

No, this is better.

His name is Rob.

Oh, I'd get in a bunch
of positions with him!

Yolanda, we met last night at
Martina's and it was so romantic.

I loaned him money.

Why are we whispering?

Well, Josh is doing his therapy thing,

and we never talked about
my thing seeing other things,

so I don't want him to know
about my maybe dinner thing

'cause that can maybe ruin everything.

Oh, I get it!

While Josh is on pause,

you wanna get in someone else's drawers.

You nasty!

Well, it's not like I want
to be with anybody else.

You know, I wanna be with Josh,

but when he rejected me, it felt so bad,

and when Rob asked me
out, it felt so good.

And you know, good is
so much better than bad.

Plus, I mean, helloooo.

Ooh, hello! It's him.

Who?

It's you. I'm excited it's you.

Aw, thanks. I'm excited too.

You know, my therapist just
gave me this new technique

to help me with my commitment issues.

Intensive journaling.

I just write down all my
thoughts and feelings right here,

kind of like the journal that I
kept as a kid, except this time,

my super hot nanny
won't read it and quit.

Gabi, I really think I'm on
the verge of a breakthrough.

A breakthrough? Wow. Hey,
that's... that's great.

Um, you don't think that's gonna
happen before tonight, do you?

No, it doesn't work that fast.

Okay, then you shouldn't
use the word "verge."

So what kinds of things
do you journal about?

Elliot, my journal is private.

Fine. I don't need to know.

I must know.

I cannot believe you are
gonna go out with that robber.

Rob.

Gabi, the only reason I let
you give him your phone number

is because I thought he was so
sketchy, he would never call.

But he did!

Yay!

Gabi, I looked him up.
He's not on Facebook.

You know who's not on Facebook?

Criminals, hoodlums, and my Aunt
Becky who lives in the forest.

Sofie, it's just one date,
okay? Will you stop freaking out?

And let's look at the facts.

A, he's really hot, and B...

He's here.

$20 and nine cents interest.

I work in finance.

He has a job!

Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Oh, boy. Anyone can make a
gold-embossed business card

with a bank's official logo with three
different ways of contacting them.

I see it all the time.

- Okay. My car's downstairs.
- Oh, so is hers.

Gabi, you're driving because I
want you to be able to get away

- if he starts any funny business.
- Sofia...

And I want you to check in with me every
hour on the hour, and if you don't...

Yeah, do you wanna just come with us?

I think that would
probably be for the best.

Go!

Okay, Josh, we're gonna go...

unless you need me
to do anything else...

like run a hot bath, play some Enya,
and read your journal back to you.

Uh, no thanks, guys. I'm
good. I'll see you tomorrow.

That was just sad.

Am I the only one who's dying to know

what's in that journal?

Frankly, I don't think
it's any of our business.

You saw it!

Maybe I did.

Maybe I was dusting his office.

Maybe I looked over his shoulder.

And maybe you should start
looking for another job.

What?

Hm, I can't say anymore.

But I did read the words

"need to make a change," "dead weight,"

and, "Do I really need a publicist?"

Oh! But I do remember one good thing.

Yeah?

He said I was the mother
he always dreamed of having.

_

Rob, tonight has been really fun.

I am so glad that
dolphin broke his flipper.

You make it sound like the night's over.

Oh. Well, I didn't mean
to. It was an accident.

I'm gonna run into the liquor
store and grab us a bottle of wine.

Okay.

Hello?

Sofia, it's my ten o'clock check-in.

Gabi, if he's holding you
against your will, say "banana."

Will you give it a rest?
We've been talking nonstop.

I told him all about my job being a chef

and he told me all
about his job doing...

something that requires
something boring.

Trust me, he's a really great guy.

You were so wrong about him and
you have nothing to worry about.

Oh, he's coming. Okay, I gotta go. Bye.

- Hey.
- Drive, drive, drive!

Oh, my God!

Banana, banana, banana!

I told you he was bad!

What happened?

Um, we may have just a little bit...

robbed a liquor store.

What?!

Quick! I need lighter
fluid, nail polish remover,

and more hairspray!

I have to destroy the evidence!

Gabi, just...

Okay, just tell me
exactly what happened!

No! I can't!

Or you won't have that thing
where you don't know anything!

Huh?

You know, the thing

where you can't testify against me
because you don't have any information.

You mean for robbing a liquor
store? You already told me.

Damn it!

Okay, just take a deep breath please

and... and then tell me
exactly what happened.

Okay, so right after I talked to
you and everything was going great,

everything went bad.

Rob jumped in the car with his hood up,

all out of breath and
yelled, "Drive, drive, drive!"

So, I asked him, you
know, "Rob, what's wrong?"

But he screamed, "Just drive!"

So, I just drove and after a few
blocks, he remembered he "had a thing,"

so I dropped him off at some
corner and he ran into the night!

Oh, my God! We gotta call the police!

No, no, no, no! Sofia,
I drove the getaway car.

I'm an accessory!

Oh, my God, what if he comes back
to kill me because I'm a witness?!

Gabi, believe me, that guy is
so far out of town right now.

Gabi, it's Rob!

Oh, my God, he's in town. He's in town!

Okay, calm down, calm down.
What do you think he's gonna do?

Murder you for being a
witness and then murder me

for witnessing him murder a witness?

Oh, no...

I'm not wearing the underwear
that I want to die in!

Okay, let's just get out of here!

- Let's escape!
- Okay. Fire escape, fire escape!

What now? What now? What now?

- Let's go to Yolanda's.
- Okay.

No! No! She's not home!

- What's today?
- Uh, T... Tuesday.

Damn it! It's Afro Soul
Night at The Zoom Room!

- What now? What now?
- Call her!

No, I can't! My phone
is in my evidence purse.

- You call her.
- No, I... I can't. My phone's dead!

Like we're gonna be
if we go back in there!

Oh, this is what I get
for dating and not waiting!

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

Gabi!

- Run!
- Run!

If I was a tablet

containing Josh's
deepest thoughts about me,

where would I be?

Darn!

If I was a macaroon in Josh's
cookie jar, what flavor would I be?

Raspberry.

Ow.

I can't believe it.

I layeth next to my forbidden love
and our hearts doth beat as one.

Stop, Elliot!

Thou must focus.

Sleep well, my little prince.

Ow.

Oh, my God, you're a genius.

I can never remember her lockbox code.

Gabi, it's four zeros.

Okay, good call coming into Martina's.

Nothing bad ever happens to me here.

Except for that one time I got bangs.

Gabi, Rob could be following
us. We need to call the police.

No, no, no, no, there
has to be another option.

What about Josh?

No!

No. Whining until I give in is
just not gonna work this time.

- I'm calling him.
- No!

Sofia, we can't call Josh, okay?

Because even though it's probably
not gonna work out with Rob...

Oh, "probably"?

- I just don't think he needs to know.
- We need a rich guy with lawyers.

Do you know one of those who isn't Josh?

No.

Fine. I'll call.

Boop, boop, boop.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

I see you booping.

- Josh! Josh!
- Gabi?

Wait, where are you?

Okay, I'm on my way!

"I can't stop thinking about Gabi.

Why can't I commit to
this amazing woman?"

This is what I left Josh's bed for?

Find "Elliot."

Zero results?!

Yolanda set me up!

That bitch!

Motion detectors on

in five, four, three, two, one.

Motion detectors on.

Aah! Help!

Are you guys okay?
Gabi, what's going on?

Josh, this is really hard for me
to say, but the truth is that, uh...

Sofia may have accidentally been
involved in a liquor store robbery.

What?

Well, to be fair, she
didn't know he was a criminal

until she was driving the getaway car.

But for the record, I
thought he was sketchy.

Oh, wow. Sofia, I'm really surprised.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Gabi, what was I thinking?

She wasn't. She was hypnotized
by the allure of his dimples.

Anyway, uh, when he showed up at our
place looking for her, we ran to the

fire escape and we called you.

That's weird. It's my alarm company.

Hello?

Yes, this is Josh Kaminski.

Oh, my God. Rob is robbing Josh.

- Why would he do that?
- Because he's a robber.

- This is what he does!
- Okay.

Let me make a phone call. I'm
sure we don't need the police.

No! We need the police!
We need the police!

We need the police! We need the police!

Why do we need the police?

Sofia told her date that
I work for Josh Kaminski,

who's a really rich tech millionaire
and he has lots of nice stuff.

Sofia, why would you tell him that?

Because she really
wanted to impress him...

h... she... him... she... Soph...

Me, okay?! It was me!

I was the one who went on the date.

I'm the one who drove the getaway car.

I'm the one who told him you live
in the fanciest building in Nob Hill

with a night doorman who's
always playing Candy Crush,

and he's obviously over there
right now robbing you blind!

Oh, my God.

I know. I am so sorry.
This is all my fault.

You're dating?!

Okay, stay behind me.

Mr. Kamin...

Yes? I'm Josh Kaminski. How can
I help you? Is everything okay?

Now it is.

- But you were being robbed.
- Oh, my God!

We got the guy. He's not going quietly.

I'm too pretty to go to prison!

Elliot?

Found this man frozen on all
fours in your living room.

I'm just thankful he wasn't naked.

I could tell you some stories.

Okay, this is my
publicist. He works here.

- This is a misunderstanding.
- Yeah!

The only crime committed here was that
he didn't write about me in his journal!

How do you know that?

Elliot!

I told you my journal was private!

Obviously this is
just a lovers' quarrel.

No need to write this up.

Yes, no need to write anything about me.

No one else does.

Well, uh, looks like we're done here.

No, no, no, no, Officer.

There was a crime committed tonight,

down at the liquor store on
the corner of Olive and Birch.

I know 'cause I was there,

and now the very handsome robber
is after me and my roommate.

Oh, no crime was committed there.

I was just there buying
some feminine products.

For my daughter.

I'm a single dad. She's 11.

Is that too early for her
to start her womanhood?

Not nowadays.

Girls are getting their periods at nine.

- It's the hormones in the milk.
- Hey!

We are in danger here.

We need a police escort
back to our house.

Okay. I can take you back, but I
need to ask you a few questions.

Officer, we will give you
all the information you need.

On those feminine pads,
what are the wings for?

Police! I'm comin' in!

Oh, it's my voice mail.

Oh, my God! It's him!

Wait, Officer Morrison!

This is the guy. He
left me a voice mail.

Maybe he'll say something
to prove he's a thief.

Hey, Gabi. It's me, Rob.

You didn't answer your door,
so I'm calling to explain

- what happened at the liquor store.
- Here we go.

Gabi, I'm a bad, bad guy.

This is it, this is it.

I have a girlfriend,

and when I went into the liquor store,
she was there, so I panicked and ran.

I kind of live with her,

so if you still want to
hang out, call me at work.

Yes! He has a girlfriend.

I mean... Yes, no crime was committed.

We can all sleep, uh,
a little better tonight.

I won't.

My daughter just texted me to bring home

some rocky road, The
Notebook, and Midol.

It's gonna be a long night.

Okay, I'm just gonna get going.

Wait. Josh?

We need to talk.

Boy, do we ever.

I mean, I didn't want to
scare Officer Morrison,

but I didn't get my period
until I was... Good night.

I just want to say,

I'm really sorry for
dating behind your back

even though it wasn't really behind
your back because we're not together.

Gabi, you don't have to apologize.

Then why do I feel like
I need to apologize?

Because you should.

What? Listen, Josh, if you
want me to wait until you solve

your issues, just say that
and that's what I'll do.

- I want you to wait.
- But that's not fair!

Look, if you want to date...

- then you should...
- Okay.

- n't.
- What?!

You shouldn't...

but you can...

n't.

Josh, do you want me to date or not?

No.

But I can't ask you to wait.

That's not right.

So, I'm dating?

I guess...

you're dating.

And you're okay with that?

I guess...

I'm okay with that.

As long as every date
ends with you calling me up

in the middle of the night
telling me what a disaster it was.

Deal.

Good night, Gabi.

Night, Josh.

Whoo! Boom!

Oh, my damn.

Am I at your penthouse?

I'm drunker than I thought!

You mind if I come in?

Josh, I know what I did was really wrong

but I just have to say it really hurts

that you didn't mention
me at all in your journal.

Would you like to know why?

It doesn't even matter! I...

Yes.

Because you're my best friend, Elliot.

When I have feelings I want to
express, I just talk to you freely.

We have a completely open
and honest relationship.

- We do?
- We did.

Until you violated my privacy
and you shattered my trust.

I'm really sorry, Josh.

♪ I'm getting in the journal ♪