Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 21 - Young & Christmas - full transcript

Oh, my God!

When did you have time to do all this?

I thought we were gonna decorate together.

Yeah, well I just got excited
and you don't do it as good as me.

My God, Gabi. This is a lot of food.

I love it when you have P.M.S.

No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no! No.

This is for the homeless shelter that
we're volunteering at on Christmas Eve.

- Oh.
- It's all apart of our big Christmas plan.

Oh, so we have a plan.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

You see, this is the first Christmas
we're not spending with our families,

because my dad's out of town...

Yeah, and because tickets are
cheaper after the holidays,

so I'm flying home to see
my family on the 26th...

...of March.

I decided we gotta make it
special by creating new traditions.

Ooh! Like sipping mulled wine and
doing a 2,000 piece jigsaw puzzle!

Maybe.

- Put that on. Oh, you're so cute.
- (Knock on door)

Who wants a virgin eggnog?

Ooh, I do.

Then don't drink this.

Wow, seems like somebody's already
getting into the Christmas spirits.

Oh, hell no.

- I'm not celebrating this year.
- What? Why?

'Cause I have no family.

What are you talking about,
Yolanda? You have three kids.

Oh, my son's going over to
his girlfriend's mama's house.

My other one is studying abroad, and
my daughter's serving in the military.

Selfish!

You must have other family.

Oh, just my sister... and she's dead.

She is?

To me.

We haven't talked in five years,
and that ain't long enough.

Oh, no! What happened?

- I don't want to talk about it.
- Okay.

Well, we've always had
this sibling rivalry,

and then she meets this rich, pompous ass,

and then all of a sudden, I'm
not good enough for her anymore.

So good riddance.

Yolanda, it's Christmas. It's
time for love and forgiveness.

Ha! Pass.

I'm sorry, I think I made it
seem like you have a choice.

Call her.

- Oh, look, you don't understand...
- Call her!

- (Yolanda stammers)
- Call her, call her, call her, call her...

It'll never end.

Fine.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I don't even remember what
I put her number under.

Oh, yeah. "I."

- "I"?
- "I can't stand this bitch."

(Theme music playing)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turned my head ♪

♪ She'd run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she's bad like that ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪

I am so excited your sister's coming to
Josh's tonight for Christmas Eve dinner.

I did a good thing, huh? Huh?

As long as I look better than her.

Yolanda, it's not about that.

The hell it isn't.

She's probably getting a
hundred dollar blowout right now.

And I'm gonna blow out these pants
if don't get a stronger Spanx.

I'll see y'all later.

(Giggles)

Okay, now it's time for my
favorite part of Christmas,

buying each other gifts under... ♪ $20. ♪

Oh! Is this Gucci purse under $20?

Uh, no. But you know what is?

- What?
- A picture of you wearing it.

Cute!

Okay, take it off.

But isn't Christmas about love?

I love it.

Well, I can give you 919 reasons

why it's just not that into you.

Ooh-wee.

Yeah, you're right. It's too expensive.

Unless...

(Pops lips)

Unless what?

Oh, I don't know. I just thought
if I looked at you like that,

you'd come up with one of your crazy plans.

I do have a plan.

Checking out these shiny $10 barrettes.

- Oh, this bar code won't scan.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no. Let me just use my hands.

You know, that's okay actually. We can't...

it's $19.

...say no to whatever is happening.

Sofia, she obviously made a mistake.

That's 22.66 with tax.

- You just keep the change.
- Oh.

Hey, hey. What the hell did you just do?

Witnessed a Christmas miracle.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve everybody.

May we all embrace the
happiness and the warmth of...

hands off the ham!

We're waiting for Yolanda's sister.

As usual, JoJo has to make a big entrance.

If she looks like you, her
entrance would have to be huge.

(Glass dings)

While we wait,

I'd like to say thank you to Gabi
for making a fantastic dinner,

and thank you to all of you guys
for helping me celebrate early.

Before I leave for my annual
ski trip with Crazy Pete.

You know, (Chuckles)

I'm actually the one that
gave Crazy Pete his nickname.

Funny story...

(Thinking) Ugh! I can't believe
Alan went on a Hanukkah cruise

with his parents without me.

(Gasps) What if it goes down?

Who am I kidding? It's a Jewish cruise.

It doesn't go down.

(Thinking) I'm so glad I got to spend
Christmas with the one I love...

My purse.

(Thinking) Look at this
amazing meal I cooked.

And best of all, I'm reuniting two sisters.

I am the Christmas whisperer.

(Thinking) Thank God for eggnog.

And then Pete takes off
his pirate hat, right?

And I say, "Pete, you arrrgh crazy."

(Laughs)

- Good one.
- Great story.

- Too funny, Josh.
- But seriously, though.

I can't imagine spending
Christmas Eve Eve with anyone else.

Cheers to family.

- Oh!
- To family.

(Doorbell rings)

Oh, crap. It's family.

Okay, how do I look?

- Amazing.
- (Giggles)

I didn't hear you say thin.

And you never will.

Pfft.

(Sighs) Okay.

Merry Christmas, JoJo.

Merry Christmas, YoYo.

How was your flight?

Oh, first class isn't what it used to be,

but... oh, you'll have
to take my word for that.

Well, you look nice too.

I see money couldn't fix
all your problem areas.

Okay.

Hello. Haha. Merry Christmas.

Wow, don't you two look alike.

- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm-I'm Gabi. I'm the chef.

Then why are you making
eye contact with me?

(Yolanda laughs)

Everyone, this is my sister, Jolanda.

(Laughs)

Wait, your parents name
you Yolanda and Jolanda?

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

- What's the problem?
- Yeah. That's what we got our name...

JoJo!

Long time no see.

Merry Christmas, Josh!

Oh, whoo!

I see you really did well for yourself.

Yes, it is so nice to see
that you haven't forgotten

all the little people
that clean your toilets.

(Laughs) Well, you know what they say.

More toilets, more money.

And I'm swimming in it.

The money, not the toilets.

All right, who's... who's ready...
is everybody ready for dinner?

- Yes! I'm ready.
- Okay.

So... then you're gonna
apologize to me after dinner?

Apologize for what, JoJo?

For you not coming to my
wedding five years ago.

Oh, I would be happy to if you
apologize for not making me a bridesmaid.

You're a maid everyday, I
figured you needed a break.

- Oh, I'm gonna break something...
- Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Yolanda, Jolanda... (Laughs)

Sorry.

I don't know if you two realize this,

but you are both a part of a
big, beautiful Christmas plan.

I ain't got time for this. I'm out of here.

Oh, well, let me get the door for you.

You should, it's your job.

No, no. Wait. Wait, wait, stop.

Stop, stop, stop. Stop!

Okay, ready? First,

I made this beautiful dinner and tomorrow

I'm serving the homeless at St. Joseph's.

And you know the most joyous part

was going to be reuniting
you two in the spirit of...

Christmas.

Thanks, Gabi.

Now it's the worst Christmas ever!

I feel so bad about JoJo and Yolanda.

I mean, why couldn't they work it out?

Damn those sisters.

Oh, not you sisters.

Big fan of your work.

Gabi, can we focus on
what's really important here?

I'm starting to feel really
guilty about my purse.

Okay, so then return it.

I said starting to.

You know, I ruined Yolanda's Christmas,

and now JoJo's on a first
class flight back to Houston.

Uh... or she's sitting over there

eating yams because she's homeless.

JoJo?

Uh... this is not what it looks like.

Oh, so you're not homeless.

I guess this is what it looks like.

(Knock on door)

Gabi, I got your note.

Your handwriting is terrible.

Why can't you just text
like the other youths do?

There's something you
need to know about Jolanda.

Oh, that she's unbearable,

- condescending...
- she's homeless.

What the hell are you talking about, Gabi?

She doesn't have one
of these over her head!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This ski suit is fly.

(Elliot whimpers, cries)

(Crying)

What are you doing here?

What's it look like?

Alan's gone, and I'm sad eating
peppermint bark on your floor.

(Sobs)

Oh.

You wanna talk about it?

What's the point?

Alan's already on the cruise.

I'd rather talk about
why you look like Gumby.

What? This is my gear.

Crazy Pete said we're
not just going skiing,

we're going ultimate extreme skiing.

He actually sent me a video
of guys doing it. Wanna watch?

- I love videos of guys doing it.
- Skiing! Skiing, Elliot.

(Sobs)

I miss Alan so much.

(Sobbing)

I know you do, buddy.

Hey.

Bring it in.

There you go.

(Whimpers)

(Sobbing)

(Elliot blows his nose)

Hi.

I have a little situation
that's causing me a little guilt.

You have a situation?

Did you hear a thump on the
way home and keep driving?

Okay.

Uh, well I have to return this
but I don't have a receipt.

Oh, no, no, no. That's
okay, I'll just scan it.

Uh, that's $919 plus tax.

Um, are hundreds okay?

Oh, no, I think there's um...

been another... ♪ Christmas miracle. ♪

Elliot, what are you doing?

Trying to get my mind off Alan's
cruise by watching Titanic.

Well, I've had a little disaster of my own.

Oh, my God. What happened?

I was loading all my gear onto
the roof of Crazy Pete's Jeep

and when I jumped off, I
tore a ligament in my ankle,

so I guess I'll be joining you on the old
couch because there's no ski trip for Josh.

Yay!

That came out wrong.

What I meant is...

Yay!

This is not gonna be easy, but I want
you to know that I'm here for you, okay?

- There she is, right there.
- (Gasps)

JoJo?

(Gasps) What the hell?

Did you bring her down here to do her
happy dance and rub it all in my face?

JoJo, you need help.

I don't need any of her help.

I actually got a job.

A rich lawyer's on his way to
hire me as his sexy paralegal.

Oh, please, girl. That
story as bad as your weave.

'Course I got a bad weave, I'm homeless.

What's your excuse?

(Gasps) How dare you. This is
from the Raquel Welch collection.

(Mocking) Oh-ho!

Well this is from the Detroit collection.

Oh, please. You look like
cats been sucking on it.

- (Both arguing)
- Ladies, what's going on here?

My sister being loud and rude...

Which must run in the family,

because so am I.

JoJo, I do want to help you.

But how did this happen?

Well, you know how it goes.

A bad divorce, a Ponzi scheme,
little bit of insurance fraud,

and suddenly you're between homes.

And by that, I mean I was actually
sleeping in the alley between two homes.

Oh my God. That is so sad.

Course it's sad, we in the homeless
shelter, not the comedy store.

Uh, you know what?

We're getting out of here. Pack your
things and you're coming home with me.

Actually, it'd be better
if Jolanda stayed with us.

She is so close to getting in
the "Get On Your Feet" program.

All she needs is a sponsor.

Hm, well, she's got one.
What do I have to do?

A sponsor covers the expenses for the year,

which includes food,
board, and job education,

but it is $10,000.

$10,000! Uh...

I mean, that's no problem.

Oh, no, no, no. Wait,
I can't let you do that.

Oh, no. You're my sister
and I'm gonna do it.

I'll be back in an hour with the money.

Ooh, thank you, YoYo.

I'll see you later.

Come here.

Okay, Gabi,

I'm sorry for blaming
you for ruining Christmas.

You actually made it one of
the best Christmases ever.

You're welcome, Yolanda. I'm so glad it

- worked out.
- (Squeals)

Okay, I'm gonna go pack
up my kitchen stuff.

- Okay, I'll see you later. Thank you.
- Bye

They fell for that hook, line, and sinker.

Girl, I told you conning your
sister would be a piece of cake.

Now we going to Hawaii.

Ooh! This is the best Christmas ever!

(Laughing)

Elliot, I know you're upset
about being away from Alan,

But I got to admit I'm actually
glad you're here with me.

Being alone on Christmas would suck.

I'm sorry about your leg,

but I'm happy you're here with me, too.

Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh!
I have to talk to you.

And now the moment is ruined.

Why don't I go pick out our next movie?

- I'm thinking something with Hugh Jackman.
- Oh, uh, Wolverine!

Or... Les Mis.

Um, quick question.

Priests can't make out
with people, can they?

What have you done?

No, not me. JoJo.

She's scamming Yolanda out of money,
and she's hooking up with a priest.

(Gasps)

I bet he's not even a priest.

- Oh, my God. We've got to get down there.
- Hey hey, what's with the cane?

- It's a long story.
- Oh, my God. What happened?

I hurt my ankle.

That's not a long story
at all. Come on, hurry!

Hi, Matilda. (Giggles)

I'm back. I don't know if you remember me.

You've been here twice in the last week.

Hm, I'm barren...

Not senile.

(Alarm blares)

Oh, my God! I swear I can explain!

No, calm down!

It's a sale.

In the next ten minutes,
everything is half off.

Oh, well, look.

All I want to do I just retur... hurn...

even this sparkly cocktail
ring that's $1,800?

Everything.

(Whimpers)

JoJo.

Oh! Hey, guys.

What are you doing here?

Stopping you from swindling your sister.

Yeah. I saw you making
out with Father Gary.

Look, I don't know why you did
what you did, and I don't care.

Well, I care, okay?

And I have one thing to say...

I finally understand why Yolanda
didn't talk to you for five years.

- You are not a nice lady!
- Okay.

Okay.

Look, there is no way I'm
gonna let Yolanda get hurt.

So when she shows up to give you
the money, you're not gonna take it.

(Cries)

Don't try those fake tears on me.

It's too late.

Yolanda already brought me the money.

- Well, then you'll have to give it back.
- I can't.

Father Gary ran off with it.

By the way, his name's not
Father Gary, he's just Gary.

Yeah, well you and just Gary
have a lot of explaining to do.

Okay.

Look, here's the deal.

I love Yolanda,

and I don't want to see her get hurt.

So tomorrow, you're
coming to Christmas brunch.

Mmm, will there be Bellinis?

Stop.

I'm gonna give you the
money to give back to her,

Mmm, good plan. Give it.

Tomorrow.

When you arrive.

And you're gonna tell Yolanda you tried to
swindle her, but you had a change of heart.

So here's her money back.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right.

You're gonna come clean.

You're gonna warm our hearts.

You're gonna give Yolanda the magical
frickin' Christmas she deserves!

And then...

there will be Bellinis.

Hey, merry Christmas Day everybody.

(All cheers)

Ugh! This Christmas is
lasting longer than Hanukkah.

- (Doorbell rings)
- (Gasps)

Who could that be?

Everybody we're expecting is already here.

(Gasps) JoJo.

- Hey!
- Oh, hi!

Is that my sister coming
to see me on Christmas Day?

Or have I had too many Bellinis?

(Chuckles)

Uh, you might want to ready another one.

Um... YoYo,

I've got a Christmas confession to make.

I lied to you.

I'm not homeless, and I stole your money.

But I had a change of heart, and

I just... I want... I want
to give it back to you.

And now, where are those apple pancakes

Uh-uh, slow your roll, girl.

You're not touching those
pancakes until you explain

to me what the hell you just said.

Well, YoYo, I'm not homeless,
but I'm not rich anymore.

I didn't get a penny out of that divorce,

and all that stuff I told you
about, it really did happen to me.

So conning people is the
way I've been getting by.

So how'd you come up with this one, JoJo?

My plan was to pretend I was rich
and rub it all up in your face.

But when you started to talk
about how well you were doing,

then I saw dollar signs.

So when blondie here was
talking about going to St. Joe's,

my plan all came together,

and I knew she couldn't
keep her mouth shut.

No, you got that right.

- Honey runs her mouth all the time.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

The point is that she realized she did
something horrible and she came clean.

I guess you're right.

I forgive you, JoJo.

(Chuckling) Thank you.

- Uh... one more thing.
- Oh.

Josh, Gary didn't run
off with all the money,

I was trying to double-dip
and take your money too.

Um, uh... Merry Christmas?

I don't believe you!

- Give me that.
- Josh!

You walked without your cane,
it's a Christmas miracle!

Or...

I knew how sad you were not
spending Christmas with Alan,

so I faked an injury and stayed
here so you wouldn't be alone.

You faked an injury to stay with me?

Oh my God, you love me.

(Sighs)

- (Door opens)
- And I l... Alan!

- Alan!
- (Girls) Hey!

Oh! Mwah!

What are you doing here?

I couldn't miss our
first Christmas together.

I love you.

(Giggles)

You came all the way back for me?

(Gasps)

- You got seasick, didn't you?
- Oi, that boat with all the rocking.

(Chuckles)

You guys, I think I kind
of owe you an apology.

I feel like I shoved Christmas
down everybody's throats this year.

I think it's just because this is
my first Christmas away from home...

- and you miss your family...
- Yeah.

...the way I miss mine.

But you know what I realized, Gabi?

We're a family right here.

- Merry Christmas.
- Here, here. Merry Christmas.

(All) Merry Christmas.

- Presents.
- (Yolanda and Jolanda) Ooh!

Well, Gabi, your Christmas plan worked.

I'm so proud of you.

- Thank you.
- (Both giggle)

Where'd you get that ring?

Another Christmas miracle.

Hi...

I need to return this but
I don't have the receipt.

Well, I need a family, but I made
a whole lot of poor life choices.

I'll, uh, just scan this one.

(Sofia groans)

All right, retail is $1,800 plus tax.

- Oh, we can't take the money.
- Yeah.

Oh. So store credit then?

- That'll be fine.
- Okay.

(Both) Oh my God, oh my
God, oh my God, oh my God,

oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

- _
- (Whimpers)

See, now it's a Merry Christmas.

You're right.