Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Young & Cookin' - full transcript

I don't know this number.

Hello?

It's Gabi, you don't have
to use the fake voice.

I'm back from China and
I had an amazing time!

Oh, my god,
what is wrong with you?

I haven't heard from
you in three weeks!

I'm sorry, but do you know how much
international cell phone plans cost?

Thousands! You can't
even check your messages.

Wait a second,
you never checked your messages?

Uh, no. Why?
Did you leave me one?

No. Uh, but if someone did,
when would you be hearing them?

Uh, when I get my luggage.

Come pick me up. I gotta go.

This guy said I could borrow his phone
if I carried his bag through customs,

and I just read a sign that
said I should not do that.

Don't know this number.

Hello?

Josh, it's Sofia.

Gabi's back from China. She
just called me from the airport,

and she never got your message.

What?

Her phone was off
the whole time.

Look, she didn't reject you,
she just never got your message.

Oh my god,
then she never has to hear it!

Why would you not
want her to hear it?

Because I'm a human being
who can experience shame?

Look, I've been racking my brain

trying to figure out a way
to make this less awkward

when I see her,
and now I don't have to.

Yes, you do! She has a
right to hear that message!

That long, awkward message.

No. She's moved on, I've moved
on, everything's changed.

What do you mean
"everything's changed"?

Happy two-week anniversary.

Who's that?

Who is that?

I'll meet you at the
airport in 15 minutes.

I'll meet you at the
airport in 16 minutes.

Josh, you have to
tell her how you feel.

No, I don't.

That was so three weeks ago.

But she's going to hear the message
when she turns on her phone anyway.

Not if I get her a new phone.

How's that gonna happen?

Because in every airport,
there's a...

I love America.

Sofia!

Welcome home!
It's so good to see you!

You too!

Though I will miss being the
only blonde in a 10-mile radius.

So, what's going on?
What did I miss?

Nothing!
Nothing, everybody shut up.

Josh, hi!
What are you doing here?

What are any of us doing here?

Really, that's the question
that haunts me every day.

So, how was it?
Best time of your life?

Killer, awesome, amazing?

Yes, it was absolutely perfect.

Hear that, Sofia?

Yes, I do.

Perfect because you like Cooper,
or China?

Both.

No, pick one.
You have to pick one.

Uh, okay. Cooper then.

I mean, he's amazing.
He's sexy, he's confident,

and he knows
everything about China.

Chinese people were asking him
where to find the best chinese food.

What she's saying is
she's happy with Cooper.

So, there's nothing left
to say except, shwah!

A new phone?

Why'd you do that?
I have mine right here.

You don't have to turn that on,
no.

Why not?

While you were gone, there was a
phone virus that swept the country.

People everywhere were talking
face-to-face. It was horrible.

But, hey, no worries.

I'll just transfer the stuff from
your old phone to your new phone.

You can grab it tomorrow when you come
to work, and then you can meet Jilly.

Jilly! Aww, did you get a kitty?

No. I got a girlfriend.

That was fast.

No, me and Jilly met a while
ago at this tech conference,

which makes her sound kind of nerdy,
but she's not, she's just super smart,

and like, really hot. Did I
mention she's a beauty queen?

Anyway, she found out me
and Caroline broke up,

and she sent me this Facebook
message, and the rest is history.

Well, would you look at that,
we are all so happy!

I know, right? Like, you have
cooper, I have Jilly, Sofia has...

A new phone.

As long as you
keep it on silent.

Oh, so that's how he gets
his hair to stand on end.

I figured he just looked at
himself in the mirror naked.

By the way, Yolanda,
I've been meaning to thank you.

For what?

Not wearing a skirt.

All right, done.

I just transferred everything from
Gabi's old phone onto my laptop,

then loaded it
onto her new phone.

Except that awkward message,
which now no one will hear.

After I called off my wedding,
you're the one I wanted to see, Gabi.

I even drove to your house climbed
up your fire escape with roses

to Pretty Woman you.

Now, no one will hear it.

Ooh, here comes that
fine window washer.

He can squeegee me any day.

Please, like you have a chance.

Half the women in the building
want to get "squeegeed" by him.

Get out.

Hi!

You are hot.

Hey, guys!

Back from China,
never looked finah.

Seems like you've been
gone forever, baby!

Really? It already seems like
you've been back forever.

So, how was your trip?

China was amazing! Everywhere we
went, they treated us like royalty.

Of course, they all thought
I was Carrie Underwood.

Here you go.

I transferred all your info.

And all the messages you need
to hear are in this phone.

Great. Okay, thanks, Josh.

Is this a welcome
back breakfast?

Kinda. This magnificent
feast is courtesy of Jilly.

The new girlfriend.

The one and only.

You must be Gabi.
Aren't you cute as a button!

Hi,
it's really nice to meet you.

I borrowed one of your aprons,

- I hope you don't mind.
- Oh, of course not.

Good. Now,
come sit your sweet buns down

and have some of my sweet
buns while they're still warm.

Okay.

I always thought I hated
all girls who cooked.

Turns out, just you.

These are really good.

You know, whenever I make
waffles, I usually make...

Fried chicken?

Good thing,
I've been going to the gym.

Seems like everybody
really loves your cooking.

Among other things, huh?

Okay. Well, um...

Thanks for keeping
everybody well-fed, Jilly,

But I think I'll just
take it from here.

All right, we're confirmed.

That development team from Austin is
coming here for dinner tomorrow night.

Excellent!
Any thoughts on the menu?

How about chicken pot pie?

Sorry. I just got so used to cooking for
Josh, I thought he was talking to me.

No, he was talking to me,
'cause, you know, I'm the chef.

Of course you are, but I don't see
why Jilly can't make the dinner.

Because it's my job
to cook the dinner?

But, you've been
gone for three weeks.

Well, what does that mean?

You know,
things changed a little bit.

Since you went on vacation with your
boyfriend to China for three weeks.

But, you said I could go.

I said you could go
because you asked me.

Okay, but now I'm back.

And now I have a girlfriend,
and she likes to cook.

So, if she wants to make
the dinner, she can.

Aww, thanks, baby.

Fun.

Why can't you date
somebody who can do my job?

You are never gonna believe
what Josh just told me.

Oh, thank God, finally!

You know?

I know that it's something big,
and that I don't know it.

So, tell me.

Josh is having a business
dinner tomorrow night,

and Jilly wants to cook it,
and he's letting her.

That's what this is about?
Jilly?

Yeah, can't you see?
She's moving in on my territory!

With her sweet buns and that
adorable accent, argh, I hate her!

Your territory?
I thought you were over Josh?

You picked Cooper.
You're happy with Cooper.

Yes, I am happy with Cooper
and I'm glad I picked Cooper,

I'm just not glad that
Josh picked Jilly.

I mean, she's trying
to take over my job!

Oh, my God. Well,
I want to hear all about it.

But first, can you take your shoes
off and put them on the new shoe rack?

I started it while
you were gone, so...

God, has everything
changed since I left?

Okay, seriously, Gabi. Shoes.

I mean, I'm gone three weeks,

and Josh has a girlfriend,
and you have a shoe rack.

Okay, it is just one dinner.

No. No, no, no.

First it's one dinner,
then it's two,

then it's bye-bye Gabi, and she's
cooking for him all the time!

This is a gateway dinner!

Well, you are cracked out on jet
lag, and you need some sleep.

No. No, you know what I need?

I need to roll Jilly up in a
carpet and toss her off a bridge!

Yes, now I hear it.

I am cracked out on jet lag.

I'm gonna call Cooper,
and take a little nap.

Hey, Gabi, could you, um...
take your...

Thank you.

You okay, sugar?

I'm sorry.

Just having a hard
time sleeping.

I know what's going on.

Though, I'm afraid to say it

because I don't want you to
think I'm insecure. But...

I'm insecure.

You?

What are you insecure about?

The truth is,
it's only been three weeks,

and I just feel like you
might still be hung up on her.

Trust me. I'm over her.

She's moved on, I've moved on.

It's okay to say her name.

Your ex-fianc?e Caroline.

Caroline?

Yes. Caroline.

That's who I'm over. Very over.

From now on,
it's just the two of us.

And whoever's trying
to break in downstairs.

Gabi, what are you doing here?
It's 3:00 in the morning.

Not in China.

And, you know what they say, the
early bird gets to cook the bird.

Right?

No one says that.

We've discussed this.

My girlfriend is
cooking the dinner.

Your "girlfriend."

Why did you put my
girlfriend in quotes?

Why did you put my
girlfriend in quotes?

I don't know, Josh, maybe because
three weeks ago you were engaged,

and now you have a...

First of all, this is none of
your business, you are my chef.

If I am your chef, then I
should be making the dinner.

Kind of looks like you
are making the dinner.

I am? Oh, thank you!

She is?

No, she's not.

She's going home.

We're going to bed.

Sweetie,
just give me one second.

I'll be up in a jiff.

Hon, I'm sorry that
I worried you so much

you felt like you had
to come over here.

But, here's the thing. Josh and
I are in a new relationship,

and I think he may be a little
hung up on his ex still,

so I'm using every biscuit
in my basket to win him over.

You understand, right?

I do, yeah, I totally do.

But, here's my thing:
I need this job.

Well,
appears we have a situation.

Appears we do.

How do you suggest
we remedy that?

Well, how about we
both cook the dinner

and we see which one
Josh likes the best.

If you're asking for a cook-off,
you got one.

Okay, well, if I win, then I cook the
dinner, and you stay out of my kitchen.

And if I win, I cook the dinner, and
any other dinner I want to from now on.

In Josh's kitchen.

- Game on!
- So on!

Let's wait till
the sun comes up.

- Good idea.
- Okay.

Ooh,
something smells good in here.

Thank you.

She was talking to me!

Crazy white girls.

Look at you.

I don't know who's working
harder, you or those spanx.

The spanx.

I am one popcorn shrimp away from
blowing a button and killing the man.

I still don't know how you got a date
with the world's sexiest window washer.

We have a connection.

We were able to communicate
with just our hands.

Oh, that's cute, window man.

But,
let's talk with our voices now.

We can talk with
our hands later.

You know I'm deaf, right?

No.

No, I did not.

Hold on.

He's deaf. What do I do?

Go out with him. He's hot.

But, I've never been out
with a deaf guy before.

So? You've never been out
with a hot guy before.

How are we supposed
to communicate?

Why are we whispering?
He can't hear us.

I can read lips, mamacita.

Well, look at that, you finally
have a date who can read.

Here's the research on the
guys coming to dinner tonight.

Only one of them is cute.

Did you figure out a way to make sure
I pick Jilly's pie over Gabi's pie?

Can we please stop
talking about their pies?

It's making me dry heave.

I'm serious.

I need to pick Jilly's.

It's easy. Jilly's using the aubergine
ramekin, Gabi's using the chartreuse.

Can you say that
again in hetero?

Jilly's purple, Gabi's green.

And a ramekin's a
small dish you bake in.

Gotcha.

Why does it matter who wins?

Because Jilly's starting
to feel insecure.

She's worried that
I'm not over Gabi.

Caroline. She's worried
I'm not over Caroline.

So, I have to pick Jilly's pie
to prove that I'm into Gabi.

Jilly! I'm into Jilly!
Jilly, Jilly!

Who's green again?

Okay,
first we have to blindfold you.

No. Why do I have
to be blindfolded?

Didn't seem to bother
you last night.

This is so not that.

Okay, here we go.

So good.

And, number two.

Also delicious.

So, which do you choose?

Which one do I choose?

Just pick one!

Fine.

I... pick...

the first one.

- That's mine.
- What?

I won!
I beat a professional chef.

You picked mine, sweetie!

Thank god.

Well, congrats.
You won fair and square.

Chin up, Gabi. There's no
shame in being runner-up.

Or so I've been told.

Gabi, wait.

Here.

Take one of my pies.

It looks like you could use
a little bit of comfort food.

Thanks.

You're back early.
It didn't work out?

No, it did not.

Well, maybe next time you
should date a blind guy.

What happened?

When the check came,
he wanted to go dutch.

I can't blame him.
I've seen how much you can eat.

And then, he paid for his half
with a two-for-one coupon.

You gotta dump his cheap,
but well-sculpted ass.

I can't. He'll think I'm
prejudiced against the deaf.

But, I'm just prejudiced
against the cheap.

Yeah. If a man wants your milk,

he's gotta buy the whole cow.

Except for no-dairy Gary,
I'd say dinner was a hit.

I'd say you were a hit.

I like the music you picked.

Really? Let's turn it up.

May I have this dance, m'lady?

Aww, handsome, and he can dance.

Wait till thriller comes on.

Hey,
gabi I'm calling you from...

- No, no, no, no!
- The airport, actually.

Last night,
after I called off my wedding,

- Wrong song.
- You're the one I wanted to see.

- This is...
- I even drove to your house

and climbed up your fire escape
with roses to...

So, where were we?

- Oh, my god!
- No, I can explain!

It's not Caroline you're
still hung up on, it's Gabi.

No! No, no, no, no.
Okay, no, no, no.

You don't understand.

The reason why that's on my laptop,
is because I took it off her phone.

See, I didn't want her to listen to
it because I'm so happy with you.

So, you don't have
feelings for Gabi?

That's what I thought.

Josh, you are adorable and a good
man, But I am never runner-up.

Don't go.

I'll be fine.

Goodbye, Josh.

Goodbye, Gabi. Jilly!

I could be a valet parker.

Really? Can you drive a stick?

No.

Can you parallel park?

No.

Then, can you be a valet parker?

No.

God, what happened?
Everything was so perfect.

I had an amazing time in China, I had
a great time with Cooper, I had a job.

hey, Gabi, it's Josh,
I need to talk to you.

Go ahead.
Get it over with quick.

I'm fired, right?

You're not fired.

How could you not fire me?
I would fire me!

I can't even cook a pot
pie better than a civilian.

Gabi, stop.

I picked hers on purpose.

Nice try.
It was a blind taste test.

And I knew which one was yours.

- How?
- Bacon in the crust.

Signature Gabi move.

Also, no onions,
'cause I hate them.

Extra peas, 'cause I love them.

You did know.

Well,
then why did you pick hers?

For the sex reasons.

I just really wanted things
to work out with Jilly.

What do you mean "Wanted"?
What happened?

We broke up.

What! Why?

She didn't like my music.

And I also think that maybe it
was a little too soon for me

to have a "girlfriend."

Aww, Josh.

Someday, you're gonna find a girlfriend
you don't have to put quotes around.

I mean, somebody who's
incredible for you,

who totally gets you, and who,
hopefully, can't cook.

- You think so?
- Yeah.

You're gonna find somebody
who's perfect for you.

Just like me and Cooper.

Just like you and Cooper.

Yeah.

Hey, do you want to see pictures
of my trip to China with Cooper?

Not even a little.

Okay,
I just finished my breakup text.

How does this sound?

George, it was really nice to
meet you, but I have to be honest,

I have three months to live.

And it will be cruel to give you
so much, only to take it away.

It's good, really really good.

So you don't think
he'll be too crushed?

Uhhh...
no, I think he'll be okay.