Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 14 - Young & Oh, Brother! - full transcript

So, how do I look?

Like Special Agent Rodriguez.

What's with the pantsuit?

Oh! Is it laundry day and all of
your big sweatpants are in the wash?

No. Benji's gonna get here any minute.

Oh, I can't believe your
chubby-wubby little brother

is moving to San Francisco
to work for mayor...

John... Bill...

Ed Lee.

Mayor Ed Lee?

I suppose.

Anyway, I'm dressed like this

because I want Benji to know that I'm
working at Garber, Stukenbaker and Rizz.

You got your old job back?

No. But did that sound believable?

Because he cannot know that
I lost my job, Gabi, okay?

We're... we're Rodriguezes.
We... we work. We succeed.

We do not play "Candy Crush" while
falling asleep in the middle of the day

watching Ice Road Truckers .

So, will you help me pretend
like I still have my job?

Please...

I am the mayor of pretend town.

The Ed Lee, if you will.

Oh, man. I can't wait till the
three of us are back together again.

Oh, and I made him his favorite dinner...

Chicken fingers shaped
like little dinosaurs

and a fudgy cake for dessert.

You know, he's not 10 anymore, Gabi.

Yeah, I know. But to me, he'll
always be my little Benji, The Hut.

That's him!

Benji!

Benji?

Hey, guys!

Why am I dressed like this you ask? Well...

that's because I just returned from a
rigorous day of trading stock options

and yelling at woefully incompetent people.

Okay then...

Hey, Gabi!

Hey!

Aw, did you make that for me?

Yeah! Would I like a piece of that...

I mean, um, ah, would
you like a piece of this?

What I'm saying is, who wants a piece...

of cake?

Good morning.

Were you watching me sleep?

Me?

No, no. I'm... I was too busy reading...

Oh, yes. Just what I thought...

21 essential vitamins and minerals.

Me? Another promotion?

Wow! This really is a meteoric rise!

Okay, okay. Bye.

Look at my big sis...

Taking over the world!

Oh! My little brother
working for the mayor!

...Ed Lee.

I know stuff.

Do you know how to get out of a noogie?

No, Benji! No!

- I'm gonna grab a shower.
- Okay. Me, too.

I mean... you know, once you're out of it.

Unless, you know... I'm kidding!

Okay. Well, I am gonna go...

hang out at the car dealership
on the corner for the day.

Do they still have free Wi-Fi?

Mm-hmm. And donuts!
Oh, my gosh! You know...

speaking of delicious things...

Uh, your brother is really gotten all...

You know?

Mmm... no.

What I'm saying is, uh... What
if I, ah, what if I asked him out?

Are you attracted to my brother?

Yeah! Aren't you?

Okay.

You better be kidding,
because that would be sick.

Okay? We grew up together.

Going out with him would be like
going on a date with your own brother.

Uh, except I'd be dating your brother,

who I am not related to in any way.

Gabi, you cannot ask my brother out.

I totally get it... Why?

Uh, well, because it's awkward, it's
weird and it's just not going to happen.

- So...
- We'll talk about it later.

Bye!

I'm glad I got you before you left.

I just got an e-mail
from the mayor's office...

he's invited the staff to
a cocktail party tonight.

Wanna go?

Abs...

...solutely.

I mean, no. I mean...

Wait, you asked me to go with you.

I didn't ask you to go with me.

That's right.

So, pick you up at 7:00?

You know where I live...

For now.

I think I'm gonna get a
wooden owl for the terrace...

Scare the birds away.

I like the birds.

They clean up the crumbs
so I don't have to.

Aha! Caught-cha!

I know what you're talking about!

I sincerely doubt that.

You're talking about my bachelor party.

You guys are so secretive!

If I didn't tell you months
ago the exact date to throw it,

I'd have no idea it was even happening.

Is it happening!

Yeah! It sure is!

Um, when is it happening again?

You guys are so funny.

- You know it's tonight.
- Tonight?

Yeah, Alan just flew to
Vegas for his bachelor party

and I planned mine for the same time.

They got Alan front row
tickets for Blue Man Group...

which is weird because he's colorblind.

I already told Alan

that yours will be way better!

I can't wait to see what it is! Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

- It's gonna be so good!
- Whoo!

We've got to come up with something
fast or he's gonna be devastated.

And vengeful. When I
forgot his half birthday,

he keyed my car.

I don't know how to throw a gay bachelor
party. I mean, what do they even do there?

I'm guessing we're gonna
need a lot of glitter.

Oh, Gabi... hey!

Question...

Do you think you can bake me a
cake that looks like a guy's butt?

Yeah, but are you sure that's
what you want for breakfast?

It's not for me. It's for
Elliot's bachelor party tonight.

Yeah. You got it.

Uh, Yolanda, can I get
your advice on something?

Sofia asked me not to go out with
her smoking-hot brother Benji...

So I said I wouldn't ask him out.

But then when she left
to go to her fake job...

He asked me out. So that's like...

Totally cool, right?

Yeah!

There's no harm with going out with him

one time.

You gotta try it before you buy it.

Hey!

Can I try it four times?

Hey!

Yes! All right, we have a venue.

I asked the manager of Alan's karaoke bar
and she said we could use it for tonight.

Oh, that's great! And I made a ton of
appetizers, all from this cool blog...

You should be paying her.

Nope. Too far. Don't do
that. Keeping paying me.

Oh! Hi, mister "about
to change his last name,

or maybe not, I don't know
how it works with the gays."

Hey, miss "comes up with a
nickname for every occasion,

and it's really irritating."

Ooh, cute ring tone. How do I get that?

You be gay and you have "Yo
Fellas," the gay dating app.

It alerts you when there's a match nearby.

Wait, why do you have Yo Fellas?
You are still getting married, right?

I mean, Yolanda and I have been
planning your bachelor party all morn...

...th.

Yes, the wedding's on.

I just haven't deleted the app.

It's not like I meet anyone.
It's just nice to know I could.

It's like car insurance. You never
use it, but it gives you peace of mind.

But I don't have car insurance
and I still have peace of mind.

It's the building's plumber.

He ain't getting anywhere near my pipes.

Hi. I'm here for Gabi.

She died.

I'm Yolanda.

- Hey, Benji. Wow, you look great.
- Thanks.

But nobody's gonna look at
me when I'm walking with you.

Oh...

Why don't you go push the elevator
button, I'm gonna grab my purse.

Okay, I don't have to
try him before I buy him.

He's amazing. What am I gonna do?

Get yourself a new best friend.

'Cause he is fine!

Damn! Yo Fellas is blowing up tonight.

So glad I moved to San Francisco.

Oh, hey! Sexy outfit.

Oh, thanks. I forgot I had
it. It was hiding in my closet.

Josh, are you sure about this decor?

Don't you think it's too
formal for a bachelor party?

Uh, trust me. Elliot's
gonna love "black tie only".

Oh! They're the ones

wearing the black tie!

Nice touch!

Speaking of which... Am I allowed to?

- I don't believe this!
- What?

We got another "no."

Sam, no. Bruce, no.

No. No. No.

What are we gonna do?

Give Elliot a better personality?

No, we waited until the last
minute and now no one can come.

Elliot's gonna know this
was our fault that we forgot

and it's gonna take more than a Channing
Tatum ice sculpture to cheer him up.

I got an idea. Give me your phone.

Congratulations, you're on Yo Fellas.

What?

I'm making a Yo Fellas profile

with your photo and alerting
every gay man on there,

that you're throwing a
party with free booze.

Uh, no. No, no, you're not.

Then you tell Elliot

that we screwed up and no
one's coming to his party.

Get a couple of me shirtless.

Mm-hmm. I thought so.

Bam!

Oh!

Sofia?

Hello?

She must still be at
her very important job.

Rats!

Thank you so much for
coming with me tonight.

Oh, for you anything.

I'm thirsty.

You want a water?

Uh... you sure you don't
want something stronger,

so you can get drunk and make bad decisions
and become the best politician ever?

You're still so funny!

To be honest...

You were the first girl
I ever had a crush on.

Really?

And the last.

Because Gabi...

there's something I have to tell you.

Oh, there's something
I have to tell you, too!

What the hell?

I come home from a day of
mergers and acquisitions

to find you merging with my brother?

Well, I... I was choking and
Benji was giving me mouth-to-mouth!

That's not what you do for choking!

That's not what you do for choking!

I can't believe... Gabi, I told
you not to go out with my brother...

and you do the exact opposite.

Actually, you told me not to ask
him out and he asked me out, so...

- So... it's the same thing!
- Is it?

Uh, yes!

Just because you found this loophole,

doesn't mean you can go behind my back

and date my brother. It's not okay.

Seriously, Sofia...

- It's not what you think!
- Okay, then what is it?

Uh...

You know what?

This is stressing me out.

Is there a donut shop around here?

I... I can't believe you.

Seriously, Sofia, I don't
understand what your problem is.

I mean, if I met Benji at a bar...
you'd totally tell me to go for it.

I mean, he's hot...

- He smells good, and I want to bite his...
- Ah-la-la-la-la!

See! See, it's happening already.

This is exactly what I
didn't want to hear, Gabi.

We share everything and I don't
want to hear about my brother's...

everything.

Well, I'm not gonna tell you everything.

I promise, except I think he's so hot!

God, Gabi, with you everybody's the one.

Josh is the one, Cooper's the one.

- Now Benji is the one?
- So you see it, too?

- Oh, my God!
- Well...

why else would he come back into my life

after all of these years?

- To visit his sister!
- Nah!

Seriously, Gabi, you screw up
every single relationship you're in.

Are you willing to screw up ours?

Really? You think me dating
your brother is gonna screw up

- our relationship?
- Yes!

Well, I think it's time
we test that theory out!

Wow! This is going better than I expected!

Yeah! I can really pack 'em in!

Be careful how loud you say that.

Check out all these hotties.

This is the best party ever!

But it's weird...

I haven't seen any of my friends.

No, th-they're here. You
know, th-they're around.

Yeah, no one wanted to miss the
chance to party with San Francisco's...

sexiest bachelor.

No, they didn't.

Now if you'll excuse me...

Mama needs a stiff one...

and a drink!

Oh! Yolanda...

- there you are!
- Gabi, what are you doing here?

I really need to talk to
you. I need your advice again.

Sofia and I got in a huge fight
about me going out with Benji,

because she thinks it's
gonna ruin our friendship.

And I really don't think that's fair
because I think Benji could be the one!

That's a shame!

Why?

- Benji.
- Gabi?

What's going on?

- I'm gay.
- I gathered.

I tried telling you earlier,
but it was really hard

and somehow I guess I led you on.

By inviting me on a date!

I never called it a "date."

I called it a "wanna come with me?"

Oh, yeah! I don't know how
that could be confusing.

It was my first work party
and I didn't know anyone.

I wanted to go with someone
I was comfortable with.

You're like a big sister to me.

Oh, yeah. This just keeps
getting better and better.

Gabi...

I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression.

I'm just not out to anyone yet.

It's not easy. We were
raised strict catholics.

Sofia's still a virgin.

Yeah, well, ah...

So many secrets in this family.

You know what? You're right...

and I'm sick of them!

I'm telling Sofia tonight.

As... as you should.

Ah... but right after I
tell her that my friendship

with her is more important than you.

- Ouch!
- Oh, come on. Don't be so hurt.

Okay? You just called me
your big sister when...

you're the big sister.

Gabi, come on!

Now that it's out. I
want my sister to know.

I mean, I can't wait any longer.

Really, Benji?

Because you know, up until this very moment

you were so far in the closet...

You were in Narnia.

Hey!

What happened?

Well, I was running from
donut shop to donut shop

trying to find Benji, you
know, when it hit me...

It doesn't matter if he's the one.

Who cares about that?

You know what does matter?
You. You're the one. Boop!

Yeah, I'm not really feeling the hug yet.

Aren't ya? 'Cause I am. Boop.

What's going on?

What's going on is I love you.

Okay? And I would never let a
guy jeopardize our friendship.

And let's face it, you know,
he's gonna get fat again.

Gabi...

Have you told Benji yet?

I have. Yeah. And it was seriously...

one of the hardest things
I've ever had to do.

But, you know, I had
to be straight with him.

I just wish he would've been straight
for me... with me. It was hard.

Well, thank you. I've... I really feel

like you heard me and respected
me and I appreciate that.

- I will now accept that hug.
- Oh, yay.

You know, it's a good thing that

Benji is sweet and
smart and good looking...

- He'll find another girl.
- Ah, he won't...

...be alone for long.

- Hey!
- Oh, hey, Benji.

So, did you tell you chose her over me?

I did. Barely. You're
cutting it a little close.

Are you okay?

I'm surprisingly okay.

But let's sit down.

I have something to tell you.

What?

Oh, my God. What is it? You're scaring me.

Are mom and dad okay?

For now.

But wait until I tell them I'm gay.

What?

Oh, my God! I did not see that one coming!

This is a shock-a-roon-ey.

Is it, Gabi?

Or did you find out he was
gay, realized he wasn't the one,

rushed over here to tell me I'm the one

before he came out to me, so you'd look
like a good friend and I wouldn't get mad?

What?

Clearly, the shock of
his brand-new gayness

has caused you to doubt my sincerity.

But I see three's a
lot going on here, okay?

So I'm gonna give you two a moment.

So... you're gay?

I am.

Wow. When did... when did... w...

wow!

I'm sorry it came out so fast...

Unlike me.

Look, I know you're shocked. I
just didn't know how to tell you.

You want to know something weird?

I'm not that shocked.

You know, it's all sort
of making sense now.

Like when you locked yourself in your room

because dad wouldn't let you watch the
season finale of Project Runway.

Who do you think called
Child Protective Services?

I just didn't tell you because
I didn't want you to reject me.

Oh, shut up. You're my
brother and I love you.

You shut up! I love you, too.

Aw!

So everything's good?

You guys talked about everything?

- We did.
- So he's cool with you not having a job?

- What?
- Gabi!

Uh, at least I didn't tell
him you're not a virgin.

- What?
- Okay, I'm gonna give you a moment.

Have I had a little
bit too much to drink...

or are none of my friends here?

They're here. You're
just too short to see 'em.

You're right. Maybe I can't see them...

but I can see this.

That's right. I got the Yo
Fellas alert about the party.

My party!

I can explain...

Tell him, Josh.

Elliot...

you're an amazing guy...

And an unbelievable publicist,

who happened to drop the ball by not
reminding me about his bachelor party.

- You're blaming me for this?
- I was trying.

So you thought throwing together
a last-minute bachelor party

with a ton of balloons,

and a bunch of drunk,
half-naked bow-tied strangers

dancing all over the place would
make up for the fact that you forgot?

Well, it did!

This is the best night of my life!

Yay!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, buddy.

You're worth it. Right, Yolanda?

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Happy Birthday, baby.

Attention!

Attention beautiful strangers,

who normally would never
give me the time of day.

Even though Yo Fellas is what
brought us all together...

For me it ends tonight!

I have two great friends

and an amazing fiance.

I don't need a security blanket anymore.

I've decided to make
the ultimate sacrifice...

Deleting Yo Fellas.

Elliot Park is officially off the market.

Hey, Elliot, ah, meet
Benji, Sofia's brother.

He just came out of the closet.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That's your news.

I'm just so proud.

Wow! Congrats.

Did you hear my speech?

- No, sorry. I missed it.
- Perfect. Let's dance.

Take off your shirt!

You know, I think it's
great you guys are gonna

tell your parents the
truth about your lives.

What if I tell them about me

and they never let me come home?

What if I tell them about me
and they want me to move home?

You guys, you're looking at this all wrong.

When they find out that Sofia's jobless...

they won't care that you're gay.

You know, when they find out you're gay...

they won't care that Sofia's unemployed.

Because no matter what mom
and dad think of my news...

or my news...

We're in this together.

Aw! I want a super-hot gay brother.

- Are you ready?
- Ready.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

Benji's gay!

Sofia's unemployed!

I'm gonna give you two a moment.