Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 13 - Young & Unemployed - full transcript

You know what makes me really mad?

Racism? Classism?

I don't know any more isms.

I didn't get the promotion.

They gave it to a guy, of course,
who's been there half the time I have.

I bet he's only half as qualified too.

That's sexism.

Another ism.

Gabi, I'm really upset.

Sofia, if you feel that way
then you should just quit.

- I did.
- What?

How are we gonna pay our bills?

How are we gonna pay our rent?

Hey, how about a little
support for the girl

who floated your rent when
you were in Switzerland?

Or who gave up cable so that
you could have chef's knives?

And who really needs a hug
and a roll of cookie dough.

Oh, okay. No, you know what? You're right.

It's gonna be fine.

Yeah, you quit your job.

Uh, hi.

Hey.

Gabi, how bout some coffee for these guys?

I don't know if that's a good idea,
they haven't blinked since I got here.

They're probably just in
the zone for their interview.

I'm hiring a paid intern to
help me roll out my new app.

I know somebody who needs to get paid.

Sofia.

Gabi, these guys all have MBA's.

Josh, I don't care about basketball.

I care about Sofia getting a job, okay?

Will you please just interview her?

You're putting me in a
really awkward position.

Which I should be used to by now.

Just give her an interview.
You might be surprised.

I mean we are best friends
but we are nothing alike.

Sold.

Have her here in an hour.

Thank you.

And if she's not the best interview
you've ever had I will work for free.

No, went too far. The point is,

she will be great and you will
still have to pay me. Good day, sir.

Well, you're an adorable
little red riding hood.

What a deep voice you have, Grandmother.

You know what, I'm not
feeling this, it's weird.

My mother dropped off a kugel for you,

'cause she adores you.

I love that you and my mom get along.

So when the hell am I
gonna meet your mother?

Oh, is that a thing?

That we have to do?

What's going on?

Are you embarrassed of
me? Am I not good enough?

Did you tell her I was Korean?

It's not you, it's her.

My mom is crazy mean.

Like a short, Asian, Simon Cowell.

And I can be her Ryan Seacrest.

Don't worry, moms love me.

And we're gonna be family.

You have told her we're engaged?

Gabi's the one that outed me to my parents.

Only a matter of time
before she tells them this.

Elliot, if you don't call your mom
and invite her over this weekend,

you're not getting my kugel.

And I think you know what that means.

Oh, honey, you know you're
not chopping anything, right?

I'm pretending to work while Sofia
finishes her interview with Josh.

I get it. I'm pretending to be sober.

Hey, how'd it go?

Crushed it! I could teach
a class on crushing it.

But I'm gonna be too busy in my fancy
new job where I will be crushing it.

Yeah!

This is so great, we're
gonna be working together.

It's gonna be just like
when we were camp counselors,

except with no pesky virginity to lose.

Yeah!

Well, I am going to lunch
with Ruben because, well,

I don't know. I think he's
about to drop the L-word.

I L-word the L-word.

Me too! This is the
best day ever, thank you!

- Welcome. Bye.
- Bye.

Hey. Isn't Sofia amazing?

She's smart, she has a
good head for business,

she's clean.

You're right, she is all of those things.

But I'm gonna go with Dexter.

He's got a business degree from
Stanford and in his spare time

he researches artificial intelligence.

But Sofia's intelligence is real.

Gabi, look, I'm sorry.
I've made up my mind.

Do you want me to break the news to her?

No, I'll do it when I get home.

It's better coming from a friend.

Wait, last question.

Is it possible that I could hire an intern?

Hey, Sofia, I got something to tell you.

No, no, no, he said I could tell you.

Wait, why would Ruben tell
you to break up with me?

'Cause he's a candy assed, little baby man.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

He dropped the L-word all right.

"Let go of my arm, Sofia. It's over."

God, I suck. I've got no man, no job.

The only shred of hope I have left

is if I get that job at Josh's.

Yeah, about that shred.

I didn't get it, did I?

The only thing you blew...

Was Josh's mind.

What do you mean?

I mean you, uh...

- You, uh...
- I got the job?

I got the job!

It appears that way.

Oh, my God! Why didn't you text me earlier?

'Cause I, wanted to see
your face when you...

- You heard the news.
- Thank God, I'm so happy!

Thank you, this is unbelievable!

It sure is.

Um...

What are you doing?

Oh, it's nine o'clock and
I need it to be nine-thirty.

Uh...

You know that's not how time works, huh?

I know, but Sofia was so depressed
when I got home last night,

I didn't have the heart to tell her
she didn't get the internship, so,

I gotta get Josh out of here before
she gets here for her fake first day.

Can you just play along
until I figure out what to do?

Please? I'll do anything.

Anything?

Can I get that in writing?

No, no, no. Scratch that. No paper trail.

Good morning.

Oh, hey Josh. Listen, I
packed your breakfast to go

so you're not late for
your meeting, goodbye.

Gabi, I'm fine. The meeting's in an hour.

Oh, oh, ho-ho, really?

Well, that clock must be broken because
my watch says it's nine o' clock.

Oh, so I'm on time for work?

Son of a bitch, my watch is broken.

Have Elliot fix this.

- Okay, all right, good bye.
- I'm gonna be late.

Hi!

I'm here, at my job!

And I brought coffee like you asked me to.

Okay, so where's Josh?

Ah, you just missed him.

But, don't worry, he left me a list
of things for you to get started on.

The first of which is to...

Take pictures of everything in his office.

Oh.

Why?

Why indeed.

In case there's a fire and he has to

recreate everything in
a second location, duh.

Oh, rich people are weird.

Hey, Yolanda.

Hey, working girl.

Oh no, she's here!

She's here!

Oh God, what am I gonna
do with her all day?

Ooh, introduce her to the exciting
fast-paced world of watch repair.

Josh wants you to get that fixed.

Hello, Mother, it's lovely to see you.

It's lovely you can see at
all with those fat cheeks.

This is incredible.

I feel like I should be taking notes.

Mother,

I want to show you something.

Oh, my God!

You found a ring that fits you.

That's why I wanted to talk to you,

a wonderful man has asked me to marry him.

Whoa, fancy.

Whoa, fancier.

Yeah, well, Josh has expensive tastes.

Josh?

Hey!

Mrs. Park. Elliot didn't
tell me you were stopping by.

He just told me about the engagement!

Isn't it exciting?

Sorry men of the world,
Elliot Park is of the market.

Hey, I'm late for a meeting. I
just forgot a bag in my office.

I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it!

Mrs. Park, always good to see you.

You, too...

Son-in-law.

How did you score that, Miss Fatty LaBelle?

Sofia, uh, I just remembered,

Josh wants you to move
that plant behind the door!

- What?
- Stop questioning me!

- Now what?
- Okay, uh, now back to business.

Uh, now Josh wants you to, uh...

Uh... ah, oh, work on these files

ah, for the rest of the day, from home.

Oh, well why can't I
just work on them here?

Sofia, I don't know. I mean, uh,

Josh is a genius, you know.
Would you ask Albert Einstein

why he would work on his files from home?

No, because he's dead.

Josh,

a situation has presented itself.

It seems that my mother
thinks you're my fiance.

Ha, ha, ha!

Isn't that funny?

- No.
- But here's the funny part,

she likes me because
she thinks you like me.

You know who really likes you? Alan,

your actual fiance.

And I love him too, but there's
no guarantee that mother will.

She's finally being nice to me.

It feels good, it feels real good.

Can't you just pretend to be my fiance
for one night until she leaves tomorrow?

No.

You don't understand.

She gave me my first compliment ever.

She said my weight gain
is plateauing nicely.

Please, oh please, oh please,
oh please, oh please, oh please,

oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please,

- oh please.
- All right!

Yeah!

FYI, tonight,

you're going to need to be a little
bit less of a cold bitch. Thanks.

Oh my God, Gabi, I
discovered something huge.

That you don't want to
work for Josh anymore?

I was looking through the files you gave me

and I found a patent application
for his new app that he never signed,

but because I found it he
can fix it and save millions.

Yeah, see I told you to look
for typos, not save him millions.

I know, isn't it great?

I'm gonna tell him all about
it first thing in the morning.

No, no you're not.

Ah, I'm not?

Sofia...

Gah!

This is really hard for me to say,

but there may have been something

about the job at Josh's that I told you

that wasn't 100 percent true.

- What?
- That you have it.

What?

Josh didn't actually hire you.

I lied and I said that he did
because Ruben broke up with you

and you were really sad.

What?

I know, I'm really sorry, okay?

When you quit your job I freaked out and...

well, you know what,
it doesn't even matter.

- Yeah.
- No, get off me!

Because I'm gonna tell Josh
what I found and when I do

he's gonna give me a job. Hmph!

Will he or will he not and also fire me?

Gabi, why would he fire you?

Ah, because I think
stealing confidential files

and giving them to your
roommate is frowned upon.

Okay, well, hmm.

The responsible thing to do is to just

go to Josh, okay, and we're just gonna
tell him everything that happened.

Or...

Or we could do whatever stupid
plan you're thinking of now.

- Yeah.
- No, get off of me!

Josh,

I want you to have this
as an engagement present.

We'll treasure it.

So Josh, tell me,

how did I get to be so lucky
to have you as a son-in-law?

Yes, Josh,

tell mother what it is you love about me.

You know,

it's the usual stuff, it's...

His style,

personality,

my cute tushy?

Sure.

But most importantly,

I love his mom.

If you were straight and
I was five years younger...

Elliot, you found a winner.

I'm proud of you.

Really, Mother?

Elliot, you go.

You stay.

Alan.

What are you doing here? I
told you my mother was sick.

That's why I brought chicken soup.

Thanks, I'll be sure she gets it. Bye-ee.

Elliot,

why don't you want me to
meet my future mother-in-law?

A situation has presented itself.

What situation?

A situation where my mom
thinks Josh is my fiance.

Isn't that funny?

Oh, I get it.

You told her Josh is your fiance
because you're ashamed of me.

No.

It's just that for the
first time in my life

my mom said she was proud of me.

And she wouldn't be
proud if you were with me?

You don't understand

because your mother's not a monster.

Even if my mother was
the meanest woman in Boca,

I would never be ashamed to introduce you.

- I'm not ashamed.
- Then introduce me right now.

Right now, now?

That's it, Elliot. You've made
your choice and I've made mine.

Goodbye.

I'll need that pot back.

...the scotch.

Hey Josh, ah,

I hope you don't mind, I invited
Sofia to have lunch on the terrace

I thought a little dining Al fresco

might help her feel a
little less depressed-o.

Well, looks like it's working.

I hope you don't mind, I'm just
gonna dust your file cabinet.

- Okay.
- Why the third degree? It's my job!

Um, I'm just gonna get the files out.

- Ooh!
- Yolanda.

Oh no, your files! I'll get them.

A-ha! I mean, alas!

What's this I just found right now, Josh?

Hold that thought, it's my attorney.

Hey Larry, what's up?

What patent didn't I sign?

This one. This one.

Oh, thank God you caught
this, you're the man.

No, I'm the man. I'm the man!

You know what? If you didn't
work for me, I'd hire you.

So here's what I want to do next
time. Let's really stick to the process

and avoid this...

Great plan, Gabi.

Now she's depressed-o.

Elliot...

I'm sorry.

I was up all night
thinking about Alan's kugel

and how I'm never gonna have it again.

You just have to talk to him.

I can't, I'm too ashamed.

Yeah, I know.

Which is why...

I called him.

Finally, I've been standing out
here like a schmuck for 10 minutes.

Hi.

Oh my God.

Elliot, I was wrong to walk away like that.

You know I have a flair for the dramatic.

But after Josh called and explained
how terrible your mother really is,

I realized you need something.

- What?
- This.

I don't deserve you.

You don't.

But where am I going? I'm 42.

Mother, I thought you were
on your way to the airport.

I couldn't leave without
saying goodbye to my son-in-law.

Where's Josh, I don't see him.

He dumped you, didn't he?

I knew you weren't good enough for him.

Oy vey.

Who's this?

I saw you downstairs.

Are you the doorman?

I don't tip people over 30.

I'm nobody, I was just leaving.

Stop!

You're not nobody.

Mother, this is Alan.

The man I'm going to marry.

You're marrying a doorman?

He's not the doorman, he's the man I love.

It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Park.

Him?

And not my Josh?

But Josh is a 10.

You're a four.

At best.

But after you taste my kugel,
I'll shoot up to a five.

What the hell's a kugel?

Speak English, four.

- That's enough.
- No Elliot, it's fine.

No, it's not fine.

Let me tell you something.

Alan is a 10 in my book.

What book are you reading?

A book called, "I've
had enough of your crap,

"Alan is an amazing man
and I'm lucky to have him,

"so deal with it."

That's the title?

Writing was never your strong suit.

And being supportive isn't yours.

I've heard enough.

I'm leaving.

Good.

Go!

Well, I guess I'm not gonna
win her over after all.

I better get back to the hospital,

I'm needed in surgery.

You're a doctor?

A neurosurgeon, actually.

Welcome to the family.

Told ya. Moms love me.

So do Elliot's.

Hey.

Look what I gotcha.

Oh, uh-oh.

What?

Look what I gotcha.

Ohh.

Wait, why do you feel guilty?

I'm the one that messed everything up.

Eh. Okay, um...

Wow, this is really hard
for me to say, but, um...

I may have told you something
about quitting my job

that wasn't 100 percent true.

- What?
- That I quit my job.

What?

- I was fired.
- What?

When they promoted that guy over me,

I may have said a couple
of things to my boss

that were inappropriate for the workplace.

Or any place.

Wait, Sofia, you were
fired instead of quit?

Do you understand what this means?

Now you think less of me?

No.

Now you can collect unemployment.

- Oh my God, yes!
- Yes!