Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 5 - Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy - full transcript

Previously
on Young Sheldon...

Guess what?
I'm buying a Laundromat.
So,

there's a secret back room
at the Laundromat

where you gamble?

Give me a sense

of how illegal this is.

Who says it's illegal?

Well, why is it a secret?

Okay, it's illegal.

What do you know

about these backroom
slot machine places?

We look the other way.

What's going on?

Are you Connie Tucker?

Well, this sucks.

In astronomy,

a syzygy is a rare event

when three or more
celestial bodies line up.

You may also know it
as the stars aligning,

which was probably coined

by someone
who couldn't spell "syzygy."

If you want to win Scrabble,
remember this bad boy.

My father's idea
of the stars aligning

was having the house
completely to himself.

I was at school,
Missy was at a friend's,

Georgie was working,

and my mother was on her way
to a church retreat.

♪ There was a God who had a son,
and Jesus was his name-o ♪

♪ J-E-S-U-S ♪ J-E-S-U-S

♪ J-E-S-U-S

♪ And Jesus was his name-o.

For my father,

it was sweet, Southern syzygy.

S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Syzygy.

Balls.

Hey, Billy. Sheldon's not here.

Is Missy?
Nope.

Good. I need to
talk to you alone.

Balls.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

You mind if I watch
the game while we talk?

That's fine.

So, what's up?

I would like your permission
to ask out Missy.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay. Uh...

Well, I appreciate
you coming to me.

I wanted to do this
the right way.

Uh-huh.

You know, Billy,
this sounds like a big step.

I'm not sure Missy's
really ready for dating yet.

She went out
with Marcus from school.

They went to the movies.

Yeah, that is...

meaningful.

But they broke up,
so now's my chance.

Does Missy know anything
about this?
No.

Great. Let's build on that.

You don't want to be
the rebound guy.

What's that?

That's the guy after the guy
she really liked

and before the next guy
she really likes.

What?
You and Missy

are friends.
You go to school together.

That could
make things complicated

if it doesn't go well.

I didn't think about that.
If she

turns you down, you're gonna
have to see her all the time.

But if it goes right,
I getto see her all the time.

I just think
you ought to take a minute

and figure out
if it's really worth it.

Hmm.
I-It's like football.

You can go for it on fourth down
on your own 20-yard line,

but if you don't make it,
it's game over.

You're not just
a football coach.

You're a coach of life.

You probably think
of quantum physics

as a white-knuckle rush
of adrenaline,

like thePeter Pan ride
at Disneyland.

But the reality
can be a little less exciting,

especially when you're stuck.

We'll get this.

Perhaps a set of fresh eyes

could be helpful.

If you're going to suggest
Dr. Sturgis,

I should remind you
we have a complicated history.

And your graviton research

is mediocre at best!

You're not qualified
to judge my work.
All right, that's it.

We'll get this.

Hey. You ready for dinner?

Do I look ready?

No.

How was your day, dear?

Well, I ran out of quarters.

Then I had to
break up a fight

over a dryer sheet.

Then washer number three
overflowed again.

Oh. Well, I had a nice day.

I got to pet a horse.

Come on,
let me take you to dinner.

Dinner's not gonna fix
this mess.

Yeah,
I was counting on margaritas

to do the heavy lifting.

This is not
what I signed up for.

I need to get some help in here.

Well, so, do it.

Great. I'm taking Georgie.

Georgie? No,
he's my best employee.

He's my grandson.
Well, so what?

Sheldon's the smart one.
Take him.

Do you want to go out with
somebody who's happy and fun

or some cranky, old woman
who smells like mop?

All right. All right.
Take Georgie.

Thank you.

I'm gonna go get
myself fixed up.

I think you look beautiful
just the way you are.

Go to hell.
Okay.

Triplets left, man in motion.
Play action.

Here comes a pass.
He's got Jefferies deep.

And that'll move the chains.
See there?

Now I know where Sheldon
gets his brains from.

Congratulations.

You're the only person
to ever say that.

What's gonna happen next?

You gonna get me a beer.

Yes, sir.

I'm home.

In here.
Watching the game with Billy.

Do you have the number
where Mom's staying?

Everything okay?

I need help
navigating a situation

with Dr. Linkletter.

You should ask your dad.
He's really smart.

You're the first person
who's ever said that.

Yeah, try me.
I might surprise you.

Dr. Linkletter and I are
stuck on a science problem.

I know Dr. Sturgis could help,
but I'm hesitant to suggest that

because I know they have
a professional rivalry.

Well, the way I see it,

y'all are
on Team Science, right?

I suppose.

And people on the same team
don't have to get along

to work together.

Like you and Mom.

No.

A quarterback

and his receivers.

He doesn't throw it
to the guy he likes best.

He throws it
to the one that's open.

So smart.
So,

I should ask Dr. Sturgis
what he thinks

about the dark matter
being a Bose condensate?

Do you want Team Science to win?

Thank you.
This has been helpful.

What's a Bose condensate?

I'll tell you at halftime.

You fancy yourself a bit
of an entrepreneur, don't you?

I like to think so.
And now

that you're not
in school anymore,

I bet you're wanting
to take your career

to the next level.

What kind of entrepreneur

would I be if I didn't?

Well, this is your lucky day,

because I have
quite the opportunity.

How would you like
to manage a business

all on your own?

That'd be amazing.

Be your own boss.
Call the shots.

Hell, yeah. What is it?

Managing a Laundromat.

No way.

Oh, now, come on.
You're perfect for this.

I'm a salesman.
There's nothing there to sell.

You got a bunch of bored people

with their pockets
full of quarters,

you can't sell them something?

Then you're not the entrepreneur
I thought you were.

That ain't gonna work on me.

And this is why
you're management material.

Nice try.

The place is wall-to-wall girls.

Why didn't you lead with that?

My brother went

to the Laundromat, excited
to meet the female customer base

my meemaw had promised.

♪ Girls, girls, girls

♪ Girls, girls, girls.

You said "girls."

They were girls

once.

Not in this century.

Listen, I need you to help me
with this.

I don't want to run this dump.

Then why'd you buy it?

I'm retired.

I thought it might be fun,
get me out of the house.

And you picked
a Laundromat?

It seemed
like a better opportunity

at the moment.

What happened? You get
tricked by a con man?

No.
It's all right.

Happens to a lot
of people your age.

Come with me.

Hey, uh, how's bachelor
life treating you?

Good.

Mary makes
this parenting thing seem hard.

I'm great at it.

So, you finally
gave it a shot.

Good for you.

Make your jokes,
but I'm even helping out

kids that aren't mine.Really?

Billy Sparks
got a little crush on Missy.

Uh-oh.

Danger zone.
What?

Why?

Getting in the middle
of your teenage daughter's

love life?
What could possibly go wrong?

I can't win with you.

I'm not even gonna

tell you
how I helped Sheldon.

It may be better you don't.
Fine.

I used a sports metaphor
about science, and it worked.

I'm sure it did.
It did.

I'm sure.
You should be.

I am.
Good.

It is good.

Are you just gonna
keep having the last word?

No.
Thank you.

Just say it.

You're welcome.

A secret casino room?

Yeah.

The cops shut me down.

That is so cool.
Very cool.

I got a room full of
slot machines I can't

turn on and a room
full of washing machines

I don't want.

Let's get this going again.

I can't. I'm on their radar now.

That sucks.

This is not how I saw
this playing out.

Hey, you took a shot.
That's impressive.

I guess.

I mean, most folks your age
have someone

cutting up their food.
That's enough.

Well, I still think
you're a badass.

Thank you.

We should probably
get back out there.
Oh.

I ain't working for you.

But I'm rooting for you.

So,

how'd it go?
I had Dr. Sturgis

present his ideas
to Dr. Linkletter like you said.

And?

John, I must say, that
might be the stupidest idea

I've ever heard.

Big talk coming from the man

who thought the whole thing
could be explained

with classical field theory.

Oh, no.

Then what happened?
Well...

Why on earth would you bring
this crackpot into my lab?

You didn't mention me, did you?

Because we're all
on Team Science,

and don't we want
Team Science to win?

Okay, good.
But then...

"Team Science"?

And where did you get that
bit of clichéd nonsense?

My dad.

What did you say to Billy?

Uh...

What did Billy say to you?

He asked me out. And he said
he talked to you about it?

Well, yes, but...Why wouldn't you

warn me? He asked me out
in front of my friends.

I didn't tell him to do it.
I-I told him to think about it.

Well, he thought about it,
and then he did it,

so thanks a lot.

Wayne was right.

You told Coach Wilkins?

A little.

His wife is my teacher.

Do you have any idea
how bad this is?

I'm putting it together.

I didn't tell him to do it!

♪

You see it, right?

That Dr. Sturgis was correct

and I need to eat crow
and go back to him?

Yes.

Let's just give it
another moment.

Morning.
Mmm. Morning.

What's this?

You've been doing such
a good job at home,

I thought you should
be recognized.

Oh.

Thanks.
Mm.

How'd everything
go last night?

Not bad. Not bad.

Glad to hear it.

You lying sack.

What?
I know

Billy asked Missy out

and it all went south.

Darlene told me everything.

Oh, man, how did she find out?

You know how gossip flies
in the teachers' lounge.

Fine.
Everything you said is true.

Shouldn't have gotten involved.

Well, I'm-a let
you keep the mug

as a goal to work towards.

Mm, gee, thanks.

How'd the thing
with Sheldon go?

All right, give
me the mug back.

Gladly.

67 years old,

scraping Tootsie Roll out

of a clothes dryer.
Hey.

What do you want?

I want to help you out.

Oh, I knew you'd
come back. Listen,

I got most of it,

but there's this one chunk
in there that won't let go.

I'm not here to work.
I'm here with the answers

to all your problems.

And what is that?

How to get your back room
up and running again.

I'm listening.

I was thinking
about Chuck E. Cheese.

Oh, God.

Hear me out.

Your payouts were in cash.

That's illegal.

When you play games
at Chuck E. Cheese,

you win tickets.

Those tickets are traded
for prizes.

That's legal.

You just need to do
the same thing.

People play your machines.

Now the credits they win
get exchanged

for stuffed animals.

Then you buy
those stuffed animals back

for cash.

No laws broken,
and you're back in business.

That's the stupidest thing
I ever heard.

Why?

Because I don't run a carnival.

Grown-up people
don't-don't gamble

to win a teddy bear.

You're not getting it.

I'm getting that it's dumb.

I'm trying to help you.

If you really wanted to help me,

you would stick your head
in there and start scraping.

Eventually,

Dr. Linkletter admitted

we could use the help
of Dr. Sturgis,

and Team Science
was back in action

scoring goals
against Team Ignorance.

Look at me, talking like a jock.

Oh, I see

you came around to my idea

for distinguishing
massive particles

from axion particles.

Well, it did provide
an excellent jumping-off point

for me to crack
the actual problem.

Seems the actual problem
is your inability

to recognize a brilliant idea
when it's handed to you.

Is that so,
you pedantic little gremlin?

How dare you!

Well, it's all
just simple...

My father was right.

They were bringing
the best out of each other,

like steel sharpening steel.

Although I suppose,
based on your premise,

we could calculate the
stress-energy tensor for each.
It turned out

their antagonism
was the key to their success.

...find an experiment
to distinguish them.

While derivative, I'll admit
your point does have some merit.

Of course it has merit,

you... you...

Big, pink Sasquatch?
Good.

You big, pink Sasquatch!

Bink's the name.

Dr. Bink.
Dr. Fink?

Bink. With a "buh,"
"buh," "buh."

How you doing?

Fine.

Things okay at school?

Why? So you can go
tell your friends?

I just want to know
how you're doing.

Let's see. Billy feels bad.

I feel bad for turning him down.

Everything's awkward
and terrible now.

Does that answer your question?

Hey.

Thanks for letting me come by.

Sure.

How's he doing?
I don't know.

He never tells me anything.

Well, Missy talks.

It is not an improvement.

Billy!

Mr. Cooper's here!

How you doing?

Oh, do not look under that rock.

But I appreciate you asking.

Tough week, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I been there.

You have?
Oh, yeah.

Darcy Lockhart, eighth grade.

Shut me down on the school bus.

That sounds awful.
Couldn't even leave.

Just had to sit there.
I asked nine stops too early.

What did you do?

I felt bad for a while,

but then I asked out
Maggie Gormly.

She said yes?

Absolutely not.

And would you believe I did it
on the bus a second time?

What a dope.

Well, I'm never
asking anybody out again.

You will.

At least the worst part's over.

Doesn't feel like it.
Hey.

You got rejected,
but was it the end of the world?

No.And that

is extremely valuable
information.

A lot of guys don't learn that
and stop taking chances.

And honestly,

you dodged a bullet with Missy.

The girl is mean.

Thanks.

My father didn't always get
the credit he deserved.

The advice he gave me
actually worked out pretty well.

Of course, I never told him.

Talked to Billy.

Why would you do that?

No, it was good.

Stay out of my life.

He may not have been
the world's greatest dad.

But maybe we weren't
the world's greatest kids.

I guess
I'll just sell the place.

If I take a bath, so be it.

Oh, I don't know.
I got a realtor friend,

might be able to help.

You mean like your cop friend
who shut me down?

Yeah, that wasn't great.

Mm.

What about Georgie's idea?

That dumb Chuck E. Cheese thing?
Dale, come on.

Well, actually,
I think it's kind of brilliant.

You think that grown-ups
are gonna gamble

for some stuffed animals?

Yeah, that you're
buying back from them.

Well, a teddy bear's
only worth a couple of bucks.

It's worth whatever
you say it's worth.

They win a hundred bucks, then
it's worth a hundred bucks.

It seems I owe you an apology.

Come on in.