Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 4 - Pish Posh and a Secret Back Room - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

What the hell's
wrong with you?

What is going on?

He's dropping out
of school!
What?!

It's not a big deal.

You are finishing high school,
end of discussion.

It's my life.It's my house.

If you don't go to school,
you can't live here.

Hold on. We are
not kicking him out.

The hell we're not.

I'll pack right now.

Stop. You don't have to go.

Yes, he does.
My house, my rules.

I've always had a curious
affinity for Laundromats.

Perhaps it's the rows
of mechanical devices

dedicated to a cleaner world.

Or maybe it's
the hypnotic rotation

of spinning clothes
on their sudsy journey

to a fluffy, stain-free future.

Mmm, look at 'em.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. Laundromats.

My meemaw also loved them,

but for an entirely
different reason.

♪

Banana, banana...

Whoo!

Personally,
I don't care for bananas.

It's a texture thing.

There you go.
Oh, big night.

Yep.

You can just put it on my tab.

Actually,
I'm gonna need you to cash out.

How come?
I'm, uh, fixin'
to close up for good.

What? Why?

Gonna spend more time
with the grandkids.

I got grandkids, too.

Why do you think
I'm here so much?

So who's gonna take
over this place?

Guess what,
I'm buying a Laundromat.

Uh, I don't know how to react.

Is that good news?

Oh, yeah.

Laundromat.

Cool.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

Fun fact--

did you know the knife goes
on the right because it was

the first utensil, and
most people are right-handed?

Did you know I set the table
and no one said thank you?

No one thanked me
for my fun fact.

You don't hear me
complaining.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I could
have dinner with y'all.

Of course you can.

I'm sorry, do you live here?

Just forget it.

No. Stay.
Mary...

He can have dinner with us.

Fine.

Sit.

I'll get you a plate.

So, doyou still live here?

I don't know.

Of course you do.

You go back to school?

No.

It sounds like
you don't live here.

He's our son. We are
not kicking him out.
He wants

to be an adult,
he can pay for his own place.

That was my plan.

Okay, what if he
pitches in here?

Like what, rent?

Yes. You would
do that, right?

I guess so.

Sounds like someone needs
a rental agreement.

I'll go get my legal pad.

Pay to live here?
We don't even have a pool.

So, there's a secret back room
at the Laundromat

where you gamble?

Yeah.
And you never told me?

Well, this is how secrets work.

Uh-huh. What else
aren't you telling me?

Let me explain secrets.

Uh, okay, just give me a sense

of how illegal this is.

Who says it's illegal?

Well, why is it a secret?

Okay, it's illegal.

But these places
have been around for years.

Nobody gets hurt,
the cops don't care.

I-I thought you liked being
retired-- now you want to be

a business owner?

It's not as much as fun
as I make it look.

Listen,

I've been gambling my whole life

and losing
to the house.

This is my chance
to be the house.

You go to prison,
I ain't waitin' for you.

You really have the energy
to find a new girlfriend?

I'll wait.

Okay, so we've agreed
on monthly rent.

Should we talk utilities?

Why do I got to pay
for that stuff?

'Cause you use them
and they cost money.

There are five of us
in the house,

so I suggest he pays 20%.

Although he does take a
long time drying that hair.

20%'s fine.

Hold on.
It takes a whole lot more water

to clean you than me.

Hey, watch it. I don't have
to let you live here.

Let me? I'm paying
for everything.

You gonna charge me
for food, too?

Mm, it's not the worst idea.

You know what? Maybe I
shouldn't be in this house.

You said it, not me.

He doesn't have
to pay for food.

Meemaw does eat here for free.

That's a separate problem.

What if Georgie moves
into the garage?

Why?
You'd still
be around,

so Mom's happy,
but you'd be

out of the house,
so Dad's happy.

That could work.
What do you say?

Done.
Done.

Hold on. All my trains

and science equipment
are in the garage.

Where would they go?

Easy. I take Georgie's room.

All your crap goes in your room.

That's a big change.
I need to think about this.

Mom?

Honey, it does make sense.

You two are getting older.

I don't even have hair
on my legs yet. What's the rush?

Let's just put this down
for a few days.

Why? 'Cause you don't want
to hear him complain?

Bingo.

♪

Hey, Dale.

Hey, Jake.

Good to see you.
Hey, thanks for coming out.

My pleasure.
Could I get a beer?

You arrest anybody fun lately?

A party clown.

But what he was
doing was not fun.

Do I want to know?

Not if you want
to sleep tonight.

Huh.

What's up with you?

Still dating that Connie?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Actually, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.

Oh-oh. I can check into things,

but if you think she's lying,
she probably is.

No, no, that's not it.

Oh. Well,
still good life advice.

Well, what do you know

about these backroom
slot machine places?

Why? You thinking of
putting one in your store?

No. Uh-uh.

No, actually,
I'm asking for Connie,

'cause she's kind of interested.

Hmm. Those places are harmless.

We look the other way.

Well, that's good to know.

So what other laws
are okay to break?

Not hiding drugs
in your keister.

What was that clown thinking?

When they found it,
did confetti shoot out?

Sheldon, come on,
I need my own space.

But we've always shared a room.

I'm a young lady now.

You seem the same to me.

I have a training bra.

When you complete your training,
get back to me.

You know you want
privacy, too.

I suppose it would be nice

to have all my trains
and science equipment in here.

Great. It's settled.

It would be like
my Fortress of Solitude.

Good for you.

Or my Bat Cave.
Shh!

Although I don't care for caves.

Or bats.

I suppose
Fortress of Solitude...

I'm gonna choke
you with my bra.
Good night.

Want some help?

You gonna charge me money?

Never mind.

Any chance this could wait
till halftime?

I'll be done in a second.

Touchdown!

What are you doing?
Moving my stuff.

But we haven't discussed
who gets what yet.

I get my stuff.
You get your stuff. Done.

There's community property.

We've lived together
for over ten years.

In some states,
we'd be considered married.

Gross.
I don't make the rules.
I just know them all.

What do I have to do
to get this over with?

We just need to agree
upon who gets which items.

Fine. As my farewell gift to
you, let's do your dumb thing.

See, when you're mean and nice
at the same time,

it's confusing.

Too bad, doofus.

Better, thank you.

Okay, thanks.
I'll see you in a bit.

Chet's gonna swing by
and finalize the deal.

Wait, he's coming over here?

Yeah. Why?

Well, this is
a very shady transaction.

I mean, it should be
taking place under a bridge

or in a parking lot somewhere.

I'm handing him
a cashier's check.

He's giving me the keys.

He's gonna know where you live.

I'm in the phone book.
I'm not hard to find.

Well, what if
he grabs the check

and just skedaddles
out of here?

He's our age.

He isn't skedaddling
anywhere.

Ah, whatever you say.

Are you disappointed this isn't
more like some old cop show?

I loved Rockford Files.

Well, I tell you what,
when he gets here,

you're my muscle.

If anything goes sideways,
you jump in.

See, now you're talking.

I'll stand behind you
and I'll crack my knuckles.

With your arthritis?

It's only bad when it rains.

Next, one Timex brand
alarm clock.

It's yours.

Are you sure? It has a stylish
faux-wood finish.

Fine, I'll take it.
Aw.

So you want it?
Yes.

It's yours.
Thank you.

Next, one useful yet educational
map of the world trash can.

I know what you're doing.

Yes, I'm being thorough
about these things

so we don't fight about them
down the line.

What you're doing is
dragging this out

because you don't
want me to leave.

No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.

Do you know the phrase
"pish posh"?

No, and I don't want to.

It's British, and it's used

when someone's opinions
are absurd.

And you're forcing me
to use it.

Pish posh!

Or, more authentically,

pish posh!

I'm done.

I know what's mine,
and I'm taking it.

One day she said the same thing

to her first husband.

I like to think I prepared her
for that moment.

So I'm thinking dark red,
like a speakeasy.

And maybe a little bar
in the corner.

Well, you're gonna need
a liquor license.

Oh, right. 'Cause I don't want
to break the law

in my illegal gambling room.

Over here is my bedroom area,
for sleeping and whatnot.

That's my gym.

And last but not least,
kitchen and bathroom.

Georgie, do not use
that sink as a bathroom.

Relax. Just number one.

There you go.

Okay, these posters go
on that wall.

That poster goes
over the bed.

I'm not your moving man.

You're right, I'm growing up.

Guess I can't be
Daddy's little girl forever.

Which one goes over the bed?

Um, New Kids.

First thing I'm gonna do is
get better chairs.

If people are comfy, they'll
stay longer and spend more.

Well, what if it's
someone's lucky chair?

They're gambling in the back
of a Laundromat.

Does that sound lucky to you?

I'm thinking I'll put the flag
over that window

for, you know, privacy.

If you want, I could
sew some curtains,

make it look homey.

Nice. Girls will
eat that up.

Flag is fine.

Well, you been busy.
Yes.

You get this in here
all by yourself?
Yes.

How?
Science.

Well, it looks good.

I know. Now trains will be
the last thing I see

before I go to sleep,

and the first thing I see
when I wake up.

Great.

If I stir in
the middle of the night,

you know what I'll see?

Trains?
Trains.

Well... as long as you're happy.

Oh, I'm happy.

Hey.

You might want to
check in on Sheldon.
Is he okay?

Well, he was smiling.

Smiling how?

Oh, boy.

Hey. Dinner's ready.

I'll eat later.
I have to finish this.

I made spaghetti with
hot dogs cut up in it.

I even made sure
that every piece is

the exact same size.

Some things are more important
than the width

of a hot dog slice.

And I wish I'd
known that sooner.

So, you okay?

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Well, there's a lot
of change going on.

I know that's not
your favorite.

Where is that
railroad crossing?

Would you like to eat in here?

I'll make you a plate.

I have to find that sign.

It should be in this box.
Where is it?

I can't find
my railroad crossing sign.

Hey, how about knocking?

Sorry, I've never had to knock
on that door before.

Well, now you do.

I need
the crossing sign

for my train set.
Have you seen it?

No, and I've got company
coming soon.

Perfect. An extra set of
eyes will be helpful.

It's a girl, and you need
to get out of here.

I'm not leaving
until I find it.

Is this really
about some dumb sign,

or is about you being scared
to have a room to yourself?

That sign has been
there for as long as

I've had that railroad set.

It may seem insignificant
to you, but I need it.

Everyone only cares
about themselves.

You're happy because
you got the garage,

Missy's happy because
she has her own room,

but no one cares about
my problems.

I'll help you look.

Just forget it.

As I struggled, my meemaw
began to realize

the problem with running
a gambling den

in the back of a Laundromat was

it's still connected
to a Laundromat.

I put five pairs
of undies in here,

and now there are four.

Your machine ate my undies.

There's a lost and found box
right over there in the corner.

Just take all you want.

I don't want
a stranger's undies.

Then let's find
your precious undies.

Look how many rhinestones
fell off in the dryer.

It says right here
"do not tumble dry."

No label's gonna tell me
what to do.

I am not in the mood
for Texas right now.

What do you want from me?

Well, what size is yours?

No!

Finally the fun begins.

What's going on?

Are you Connie Tucker?

Well, this sucks.

Next stop, Medford.

That won't be necessary.
Keep going.

But, sir, your family's
waiting to board.

I'm aware. Drive on.

But, sir...

I don't need them.
I'm fine on my own.

Do not stop this train.

Turn it off.
No.

I've been listening to it
for an hour; turn it off.

It's my room, I can
do what I want.

Oh, really? Let's see
how you like it.

♪ All for love

♪ I love it when
we're together ♪

♪ Girl, I need you forever...

What the hell's going on?!

Missy's trying to annoy me.

'Cause he won't turn
his stupid train off.

You two are unbelievable.
Everything off.

But he started it.
Now!

♪ Knight in shining armor,
I will be your... ♪

I thought y'all looked
the other way.

We do, but I'm running
for sheriff,

and this will make
my campaign pop.

But you and Dale are buddies.

That's why
I'm not arresting you.

Hey, get one with me in it.

So you gonna sell the place?

No.

Instead of crime boss,
you're gonna be

a laundry boss.

Well, I guess that's
just as cool.

I'm gonna open my game room.

How?

I don't know.

Move to a new location?

I don't know!

What about the Laundromat?

Keep asking questions,
see what happens.

Last one.
What?

How'd you get so pretty?

I hate you.

I like you.

There were plenty of reasons

to be happy my sister
moved out.

She snored, she teased me.

She left her dirty clothes
everywhere.

Clearly, I was better off
without her.

Can I sleep on your floor?

Come on.

I eventually made my peace

with having a room to myself.

And I was never truly alone,
thanks to my science posse:

Stephen, Albert,
Richard and Arthur.

But for those times when I did
need to communicate with Missy,

we had a system.

What?

Just testing the system.
You tested it yesterday.

Just because it worked yesterday
doesn't mean it's working today.

It's working.
Good night.

Good night.
Sleep tight.

What?

Did you know when people say
"sleep tight,"

they're referring to when
beds were made of ropes,

and the tighter the rope,
the more comfortable

the bed was to sleep on?
Cool.

Bye.

My sister wasn't always a fan

of my informative tidbits,
so I didn't tell her

that the entire phrase,
"Good night, sleep tight,

don't let the bedbugs bite"
is actually

from the 1896 book
What They Say in New England:

A Book of Signs, Sayings,
and Superstitions.

Until I told her.

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

WARNER BROS. TELEVISION