Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey - full transcript

Previously, on
"Young Sheldon"...

You must be
Coach Ballard's ex-wife.

Yeah.
Why?

I'm kind of dating
your ex-husband.

I knew who you were
the whole time.

That's why
I came over here.

Nicely played.

We ought to go out for drinks
one night.

Hell yeah!

Yee-haw!

College is a time
for new experiences,

being exposed
to exciting ways of thinking,

meeting people
from different backgrounds,

and the unexpected visit
from your dad in gym shorts.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I got a phone call.

Apparently, the head of the
college wants to talk to us.

Oh, good.
You sure it's good?

Well, it's better than
what I thought when I saw you,

- which was, "Uh-oh, Meemaw died."
- Come on.

I was hoping in
college you wouldn't

get called to the
principal's office anymore.

She's not the principal.
She's the president.

So if you're in trouble,
you're in big trouble.

That's a fun way to look at it.

Gentlemen, please have a seat.

Sheldon's only been here
a few weeks.

I hope he's not
in trouble already.

What kind of trouble?
Did something happen?

Ooh, maybe it's
from when I decided...

Uh, uh, all good.

Uh, you keep talking.

Well, I'll just get
right to the point.

Uh, I would like you
and your son

to meet with a very important
benefactor of the college.

Why us?

Well, I mean, Sheldon is...

is an impressive addition

to the physics program,

and-and we like our donors
to feel really good

about where their money's going.

I get it.
You want the star quarterback

to shake some hands
with the boosters.

Exactly. I'm not doing that.

I didn't shake her hand,
and she's the president.

No, you don't have
to shake anybody's hand.

Then why did you say it?

I didn't say it.
He said it.

But you agreed with it.

All I'm asking you to do is
to go to dinner,

talk about science with a very
nice and, more importantly,

a very rich person.

Understood.

No, thank you.Buddy...

All right, uh, Sheldon,
I was brought to this school

to help raise its profile,
and one of the ways to do that

is through grants and donations.

You-you can understand that,
right?

I understand that you would like
to put the novelty of my age

and advanced intellect
on display to raise some cash.

No. Sort of.

- Can I speak to you alone?
- Will you give us a minute?

Very well.
But if you're looking to see

if my father will be
a potential donor,

you are barking up
the wrong tree.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*

*YOUNG SHELDON*
Season 04 Episode 09

Episode Title: "Crappy Frozen Ice Cream
and an Organ Grinder's Monkey"

So...

how do we get your son
to cooperate?

I've been asking myself that
since day one.

Look, I don't mean
to put pressure on you,

but there's
a lot of pressure on me,

so I'm going to put it
on you.

Look, I'm sorry,
isn't there anyone else

who can go to dinner
with this guy?

So I have a unicorn in my zoo,

but I should trot out a goat,
is that what you're saying?

Would you donate a new library

to have dinner with a goat?

What restaurant?

Mr. Cooper, I need you
to understand something.

This university relies
on donations for everything.

For upkeep,
for salaries,

for scholarships, like the one
your son is currently on.

I'll talk to him.

Thank you.

And when you go to dinner,
wear real pants.

So, there's this thing

at school
I really want to go to,

and before you say no, I just
want you to think about it.

- What is it?
- Like a school function.

Why would I say no
to a school function?

So I can go?
You're the best.

Hold on.

What kind of function
are we talking about?

You know,
just the normal kind.

With some kids.

And some music.

You know you can't go
to a dance.

Why not?

You know that,
too.

Because we're Baptist.

But all my friends
are going.

That doesn't
change anything.

What if I promise
not to dance?

So you expect me
to believe

that you are going to go
to a dance with your friends,

they'll all be dancing
while you just stand there?

I go to church
and don't pray.

How is this any different?

Where we eating tonight?

Well, that depends.

Why don't you look
in the glovebox

and check on the Tums situation.

There's five.

Oh, my, this is tricky.

Well, Mexican's
at least three apiece.

We might get by with two each
if it's Italian.

You get red wine and
then tomato sauce.

Hey, if they put lemon
in the water, we're dead.

- Hmm. That leaves barbecue.
- Sold.

Who gets Tum number three?

Me. They're my Tums.

Now, what do you
think young people

talk about on
their dates?

I don't know.

But my knee's telling me
it's gonna rain this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend, hey,
my son needs a final head count.

Oh.

It's a small wedding.

It'll be weird if I'm there.

Aw, come on,
I'm gonna be wearing a suit.

I'm very sexy in a suit.

Come on, Sheldon,

think of it
as a free dinner.

I'm a kid.
All my dinners are free.

Is what they're asking
really that bad?

Yes. I go to this university
to study science,

not to help collect money
like an organ grinder's monkey.

You see me go to the rallies and
fundraisers at the high school.

I don't love it,
but I do it.

And I hope they give you
all the bananas you can eat.

Sheldon, donors like this are
very helpful for the university.

They pay for all the science
equipment and your scholarship.

I hadn't thought of it
that way.

So I'll tell 'em
we're on for Saturday?

I'll think about it.

What's to think about?

It's a night of you
showing off how smart you are.

People do like that.

All right, I'm in.

Can I put on the game?

I don't care.

Sweet!

What's your problem?

Did you ever go
to a school dance?

One or two.

How'd you get Mom
to let you?

Easy. Didn't ask her.

By the way, that works
for all kinds of stuff.

Well, it's too late.
I already asked.

Rookie mistake.

Why can't we have
a fun religion?

I don't think
there is one.

Come with me.

Here.

What is it?

The answer to your problems.

Cool. What other tapes you got?

Nature films.
Don't worry about it.

Hey. I just got off the phone
with President Hagemeyer.

This guy we're gonna have dinner
with sounds pretty interesting.

He made all of his money
selling antistatic furniture

for laboratories.

He's not even a scientist?

He's just a furniture salesman?

Yeah.

What am I supposed
to talk about?

Talk about whatever you want.

Just... don't be insulting.

What if he says something
I think is ridiculous?

Keep it to yourself.

What if you just said
something

I think is ridiculous?
Because...

Okay, maybe we need
to work a little

on your conversation skills,

like not calling people out
for saying stupid things.

How am I supposed
to practice that?

What's up?

- Hello.
- Hey, June.

It's Connie Tucker.

Hey, Connie.
How are you?

I'm good.

Am I seeing you
Saturday night?

Well, that's
what I've called about.

Are you sure
you want me there?

I mean,
it is your son's wedding.

Oh, it's his second wedding.
Those barely count.

Besides,
I'm bringing a date, too.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Okay. I'm in.

Fantastic!

So, how dressed up we getting?

Oh, it's a small ceremony,
nothing fancy.

You just saying that 'cause
you want to look better than me?

Of course not.

But I do believe
you'd be stunning in overalls.

All right.

See you then.

Bye.

Overalls, my ass.

So you really
can't dance here, man?

I can't believe that.

- It's true.
- See?

They ain't allowed
to dance, either.

It's like
I'm watching my life.

That's how I feel when
I'm watching Top Gun.

Okay, Sheldon, try having
a conversation with Billy

about science.

Let's see.

Uh, what do you know
about quantum mechanics?

My dad's a mechanic.

At his shop, he has a calendar
with a bikini lady on it.

Dad...

Instead of losing patience,

act interested
and ask a follow-up question.

Your father's a mechanic.

Interesting.

You know what else
is interesting?

Quantum mechanics.
That describes

the basic particles and forces
that make up reality.

Let's talk about that.

I'm gonna marry
that bikini lady.

I've been working on a theory

about the wave-particle
duality of light.

I have a nightlight
that looks like Spider-Man,

but I don't turn it on.

Go ahead.

Why don't you turn it on?

- I'm afraid of spiders.
- Yeah, seems like

a good place to stop.

Now what happens?

You go home.

Thank you for your hospitality.

And it was King David.

King David, who-who we read
about in-in Samuel.

And-and-and what did David do?

What did David do?

What did David do?
David danced.

"David danced

"before the Lord
with all his might,

leaping and dancing
before the Lord."

Leaping and dancing.

- I'm impressed.
- Thank you.

Too bad it's from Footloose.

What's a footloose?

It is the movie that
Pastor Jeff warned us about

in his talk on the
sins of cinema.

Just let me go
to the dance.

I'm sorry. I can't.

I'm never talking to you
again!

Did you show your
sister Footloose?

- Did it work?
- No!

Mm. Then no.

Oh!

Now, when you meet this guy,

you got to shake his hand.

What if I offer a stately bow?

That's how they do it in Asia.

You're shaking his hand.

Then it's a good thing
I brought Old Righty.

You're not wearing that
in a restaurant.

Why?

'Cause you don't
make a good impression

by being afraid
to shake hands.

Howard Hughes was a germophobe,

and he did quite well
for himself.

Didn't he go crazy
and save his pee in jars?

Better to have it
and not need it

than to need it
and not have it.

- You're shaking his hand!
- Okay!

Haven't been
to many weddings lately.

Mostly funerals.

Yeah, those don't have an open bar.

I don't know
why I'm so excited.

I'm paying for this.

Hey, y'all.

Hi, June!

Don't you look pretty?

Thank you.

I happen to agree.

Connie, Dale,
this is Justin.

Hi, Justin. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.

You must be
a friend of my son's.

Actually, he's my date.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Much more fun than
a funeral.

George Cooper,

meet Gary O'Brien,

the antistatic
furniture king.

Hello.

Shocking to meet you.

Don't do that.
And this, of course,

is our physics prodigy,

Sheldon Cooper.

A great pleasure.

I had an obligation to fulfill.

So I closed my eyes
and thought of science.

Just like on my honeymoon.

How's pizza sound
for dinner?

You think I'm eating dinner
with my mom on a Saturday night?

You're adorable.

Guess I'm eating alone.

What about Missy?

She's not talking to me.

She'd talk to you
if you just let her go.

You know I can't do that.

Come on. I went to school dances
and I turned out fine.

I didn't let you go
to any dances.

I did all kinds of stuff
behind your back.

Like what?

I'm dumb,
but I'm not that dumb.

So I'm supposed
to just let her do

whatever she wants?

Yeah, I don't think so.

I'm just saying
she's a good kid.

Be glad she's still asking.

So, how'd you two meet?

Oh, I've been cutting
his mom's hair for years.

Oh, that's nice.

Bet you when she cuts your hair,

you get a lollipop,
don't you?

Oh, he gets
more than a lollipop.

- Really? Is that so?
- Dale.

Okay, so what is it
you do, Langston?

Justin.

Actually, I'm about

to open a frozen
yogurt shop.

Frozen yogurt.
Right.

Isn't that, like,
crappy ice cream?

We consider it a
healthy alternative.

Right.
Crappy ice cream.

It's actually getting
really popular.

I'm gonna invest.

Invest money?

What else
would she invest with?

I don't know.
You got fake ice cream.

- How 'bout fake money?
- Well, there's...

Hey, would you mind going
to get me another drink, please?

Happy to.

Thank you.

What's your problem?

Yeah, what is your problem?

Who said I had a problem?

- We did.
- You're being rude.

Okay, you want to spend
all your money on some boy toy,

it's none of my business.

Why do you care what she
does with her own money?

- Yeah, why?
- Well, you got

some young guy running around,
asking for money.

You don't think I know
what that's all about?

Okay, he didn't ask...
I offered.

And I can do what I want.
I'm a grown woman.

Oh, hell, you were a grown woman
when he was born.

Sheldon, why don't
you tell Mr. O'Brien

about some of your goals
at the university.

Well, I'm pushing
for stricter dress codes.

There are a lot of
belly buttons on display.

Science goals.

My ultimate goal
is to one day devise

the grand unified field theory.

Ah.

You're one of those, are you?

Excuse me?

Well, Kurt Godel's
incompleteness theorems

eliminate the possibility
of a unified theory.

- You honestly believe that?
- Sheldon.

That's... interesting.

Tell me more
about how Einstein's life goal

was nothing but folly.

What is she thinking?

Maybe she's thinking,
"Why did I come here with this guy?"

Wait, no,

that's what I'm thinking.

You know what I'm talking about.

She brought him here on purpose.

- What purpose?
- To upset me.

You know, Dale,

not everything
is always about you.

Well, you're mad at me,
she's mad at me.

It seems like
it's all about me.

Well, you owe
her an apology.

Like hell I do.

Then I'm gonna
do it for you.

No, wait.

Connie, wait.

What?

Bring me back a beer.

Missy?

Go away.

I'm not talking to you.

I know you're mad.

But I've been thinking about it,
and...

I trust you enough to know
that you will behave yourself.

So, just this once,
you can go.

Thanks, Mom. Love you.

Why won't this open?

Sometimes it sticks!

I know, on the surface,

Dale seems
like a...

a bully, but,

underneath...

Still a bully.

Well, yes,
but a little less of one, right?

Sure.

Thank you. You know,

I'm gonna bring him
a peace offering.

Ain't he cute?

Can you believe
that Dale thinks

the only reason you brought him
here is just to piss him off?

That's exactly why
I brought him.

- What the hell is the matter with you?
- What?

Why would you go
out of your way

to upset Dale
at your own son's wedding?

I don't know.
He's my ex-husband.

Well, he's my boyfriend.

Hey, that's your problem.

Well, you're starting
to be my problem.

Geez,
who's the bully now?

I knew
I shouldn't have come here.

Your ex-wife is a bitch.

I am so filled with love
for you right now.

I believe we have to look
to gravity and its magnitude...

I was really doing my best
to hold it together.

...could be a repulsive force
if you just add negative mass.

I smiled and nodded

like my meemaw's
Houston Oilers bobblehead.

And I also discovered a way

that we could
predict the masses

of all the known particles

using the Egyptian pyramids.

In physics, there's a phenomenon
known as supercritical assembly.

If you bring enough material
together in one place...

The trick is numerology.

...in the right configuration,

eventually, it will explode.

This is fun. Not a lot of
people I can talk to

scientist-to-scientist.

We're not talking
scientist-to-scientist.

You're not a scientist.
You're just a rich man that

no one will be honest to because
everyone wants your money.

Oh, don't listen to him.

I mean, he's just a kid.

Why don't you tell me
a little more

about your pyramid
thingy? Huh?

"Footloose"
by Kenny Loggins playing...

It turned out
Gary did appreciate my honesty.

The school got
a generous donation.

My, my, my.

That is a lot of zeroes.

My father got Oilers tickets
from President Hagemeyer.

50-yard line and free parking?

Hoo-mama.

♪ I'm turning it loose ♪ Footloose... ♪

And I got a brand-new,
state-of-the-art

antistatic lab chair.

♪ Please, Louise

♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut

- It works.
- ♪ Footloose.

Synchronized by srjanapala