Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You - full transcript

Sheldon's first day of college is derailed by his new philosophy teacher, Professor Ericson. Also, Mary and Brenda live vicariously through Missy's first day of middle school.

Previously, on
"Young Sheldon"...

Which Bowtie says
"Mature enough

"to be in college,
but whimsical enough

"to discuss which came first,

the Higgs field
or the photon"?

They both say
"weird kid who eats alone."

Hello, Dr. Sturgis.
This is Mary Cooper.

Did you know there's a, uh,
supercollider being built

- in Waxahachie, Texas?
- No.

I've taken a job there.

Hold on.
You're not gonna be around

when Sheldon starts college?

That's a great question.

No.

Since everyone is going
back to school tomorrow,

let's finish up
with a back-to-school prayer.

What?

Does this prayer just
apply to middle school,

or is it appropriate
for the college-bound?

It's for everyone.

But thank you once again
for reminding us

you're starting college.

Oh, I don't mind.
You've got a lot on your plate.

Just pray.

Dear Heavenly Father,
as we return to school,

we look to your eternal...

Billy, it's not the pledge.

It is clear that we cannot
expect the cooperation... -

Normally I don't like facial
hair, but Spock makes it work.

- Hello?
- Sheldon,

it's Dr. Linkletter.

I'm watching Star Trek:
The Original Series.

I'm sorry, I'm not up
on my cartoons.

It's not a cartoon.
It's a live-action

science fiction show.

Although there is one called
Star Trek:

The Animated Series.

I believe you.

I was wondering if I can
speak with your mommy.

Sure. Hold on.

Mom, Dr. Linkletter's
on the phone.

While we wait,
here's a fun fact.

In the animated series,

Kukulkan was played by
James Doohan.

- Hello?
- James Doohan played Scotty

on Star Trek:
The Original Series.

Sheldon, I've got it.

He tried several accents before
settling on Scottish.

- Sheldon, hang up.
- Okay.

He felt the Scots were
excellent engineers. Bye.

Dr. Linkletter,

what can I do for you?

Hello, Mrs. Cooper.
I just wanted to let you know,

with Dr. Sturgis away,
I'll be available

should Sheldon need anything.

Oh, that is very comforting
to know.

Thank you so much.

His well-being is important
to me,

as was made abundantly clear
by my boss.

Okay, well, we are truly
grateful.

Now, I'm not terribly
experienced around children.

If he needs to use the restroom,
I don't have to

go in with him, do I?

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*

Season 04 Episode 07
Aired on: February 11, 2021

Episode Title: "A Philosophy Class
and Worms That Can Chase You"

Bless us, Lord, for the food
we are about to receive,

and bless the hands
that prepared it.

And with school
starting tomorrow,

please watch over
our children.

Pastor Jeff already
covered this.

- He did? - Yeah, we're good.
- Amen.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Can I take your truck tomorrow?

Well, I think you're
riding with me.

Sorry, I'm taking
Missy to school,

and Meemaw's
taking Sheldon.

- Well, can I at least drive?
- Sure.

While you hide in the back
under a tarp?

Stop praying for him
and focus on the other two.

Sheldon, good news.

Dr. Linkletter was
calling to say

that while you're at school,
if you need anything,

you can go to him.

Starting college and
you need a babysitter.

That's funny.

I don't need a babysitter.

Dr. Linkletter is just around
in case there's a problem.

- Like if he needs a new diaper?
- Ha!

Enough. Can we please have
a nice dinner?

We could. But you're the one
who wants to eat as a family.

Don't pray for any of 'em.

- Dr. Linkletter.
- Sheldon.

How wonderfully early it is
to see you.

If you've come by for a snack,
I picked you up

some crackers shaped like fish.

I just wanted to let you know

that I don't need you
to babysit me.

I'm perfectly self-reliant.

Excellent. I'm not very
comfortable around children,

even with your level
of maturity.

How old are you?
Six? Seven?

Eleven.

I see.

Then it's good I kept
the receipt for this

bottle of bubbles
shaped like a bear.

I should get going.

My philosophy class starts
in a few minutes.

Ah, yes, the great thinkers.
Socrates, Plato.

Speaking of which,
I got you some Play-Doh.

I figure you don't
want me to walk you in?

I've trained you well.

Do you have everything
you need? Lunch money?

- Yep.
- Locker combination?

Right here.

- Why is it there?
- Writing on my hand is so fifth grade.

Of course.

Okay, I'm gonna go in.

I assume you don't
want a hug?

Make it quick.

- That's enough.
- Okay.

- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.

- Hey.
- Hey, Brenda.

She didn't want you
to walk her in?

No. How about Billy?

Oh, I walked him in.

Found his homeroom.

Explained that "homeroom"
is different

than his room
at home.

Still not sure he gets it.

- Tough day.
- Yeah.

You want to get some coffee?

I was thinking vodka,
but coffee will do.

I've always considered

myself a collector of knowledge.

My mind is like the warehouse
at the end of

Raiders of the Lost Ark.

But instead of artifacts,
it's just facts.

And now that I was
a full-time college student,

my collection was about to
grow exponentially.

Welcome to the world
of philosophy.

Most college courses are about
teaching you things

that you don't know.
Here,

I am going to teach you
that you don't even know

what you think you know.

Oh, boy.

The Chinese philosopher
Chuang Tzu believed

it was possible he didn't
really know anything

because he might just be
a butterfly

dreaming that he was
a philosopher.

Yeah.
He wasn't a butterfly.

Well, how do you know?

The butterfly brain
doesn't contain enough neurons

to generate a complex dream.
Plus, you referred to him

as Chinese philosopher
Chuang Tzu,

and not Chinese butterfly
Chuang Tzu.

- You must be Sheldon Cooper.
- Yes, ma'am.

Very well, Mr. Cooper,
how do you know

you're not just dreaming
butterflies can't dream?

Because I'm awake.

Or are you dreaming
you're awake?

You can see I'm awake
and you can hear me talking.

Yeah... I don't know.

I saw some pretty trippy stuff
at a Grateful Dead concert.

The drummer turned into
a tap-dancing walrus

and floated away.

So we can't really trust
our senses, can we?

We can validate them by

comparing them
with other observers.

Mm, but that would mean

we have to hear
what they say,

which requires...
trusting our senses.

Do you see a problem
with your argument, Mr. Cooper?

I could concentrate better
if you weren't

flashing your toes at me.

Billy's a sweet kid.

But these middle schoolers
are gonna eat him alive.

You don't know that.
Maybe they'll be nice.

Boy, if we were in
middle school right now,

I'd have your head
in a toilet so fast.

If you want, I can ask Missy
to hang out with him,

make sure things go okay.

- Absolutely not.
- Why?

That girl is cute
and sassy,

and has a real chance
at being popular.

Do not take that from her.
Or me.

Popularity isn't
that important.

It is the most important.

Look at us.
I'm miserable.

You're always worried
about something.

I'd like one girl
around here to win.

I'm not
always worried.

It's Sheldon's first day
of college,

and you're not freaking out?

- It's on my mind.
- Mm.

But he's been looking forward
to this for a long time.

I'm sure he's having
a wonderful day.

She displayed complete contempt
for science.

She claimed that
knowledge was a myth,

and then she told the class
they could take their shoes off.

Some of them did.

Luckily we've established
you're a mature young man

capable of figuring this out
on his own,

so, go get 'em, sport.

But as a man of science,
aren't you offended by this?

Sheldon, this is
a college campus.

You come across all sorts.

Anarchists, communists, vegans.

There's a fella in the religion
department that believes God is

two women, and their names
are Wendy and Claire.

But to say nobody
actually knows anything,

how could she know that?
It's a contradiction.

How about I blow some bubbles
out of a bear's head

and we call it a day?

I don't know how I'm going
to last all semester

with this free wheeling hippy.

Sheldon, I don't know
what to tell you.

If you're that unhappy,
just drop the class.

Of course.
Drop the class.

This is college.
I can do that.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- From now on,

I'm coming to you
with all my problems.

Oh...

"The statement on the other side
of this sign is true."

Ugh.

Professor Ericson?

Come in.

Mr. Cooper, welcome.
How can I help you?

I would like
to drop your class.

Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.

I enjoyed our discussion
about skepticism.

And butterflies.

I'm a scientist,
and I don't find

those types of questions
worth my time.

And butterflies are just worms
that can chase you.

The questions of philosophy

are extremely challenging.

People have spent
2,000-plus years

trying to solve them
without success.

So if you feel like giving up,
I don't blame you.

I'm not giving up.

I'm saying
they're not important.

Okay, so what is
important?

The acquisition
of factual knowledge.

And how do you know
if something is factual?

You test it
and see if it holds true.

And how do you know
that that's factual?

You're doing it again.

Maybe you're dreaming
I'm doing it.

How was your first day?

Infuriating.

How was your first day?

So good.

How was your first day?

And then she said,
"Maybe you're just dreaming."

- Are you gonna drop the class?
- Yes,

but only after
I systematically destroy

her half-baked arguments
in front of everybody else.

It's good to have goals.

And at lunch,
an eighth-grade boy said,

and I quote,
"I like Funyuns, too."

Wow.

I know.

I stopped at the library today
and picked up

books on epistemology,
Descartes's dream argument

and the foundations
of scientific logic.

Do you know
what she's going to do?

Rue the day?

The day, the night.
If it's rue-able,

she's going to rue it.

And in math class,
I sit right between

Heather M. and Heather B.

It's nice
you're with your friends.

It's more than nice.
All notes go through me.

That's power.

♪ She's my cherry pie

♪ Cool drink of water,
such a sweet surprise ♪

♪ Tastes so good,
make a grown man cry ♪

♪ Sweet cherry pie, yeah.

The good name of Lady Science

had been besmirched

and it was up to me
to defend her honor.

I had a lot of ground
to cover in one night.

Thankfully, 11 years of
my family's incessant yammering

had given me an extraordinary
ability to focus.

But I want to watch
Fresh Prince.

Too bad. The game is on.

There's always a game on.
Dad?

Sorry, kid, it's the Cowboys.

But it's the season premiere.

Fresh Prince's
family gets tickets

to the People's
Choice Awards.

I'm not missing it.

"Present investigations
aim to establish

"a constructional system.

That is, an epistemic,
logical system of objects..."

My show's only 30 minutes.

Yours is three hours.

But yours don't have
them cheerleaders

- jumping up and down.
- Mom?

What if we don't turn
the TV on at all

and we play
a board game?

- Come on.
- Seriously?

"So that a genealogy

"of concepts results,
in which each one

has its definite place."

Shelly, it's your turn.

Shelly?

What's happening?

We're playing
a board game.

Before dinner?

You ate dinner.

Did I like it?

You said the meat loaf
was dry.

That sounds right.

Hi, Brenda. I just wanted to
see how today went.

Oh.

Not great.

Sheldon is already
in some sort of fight

with his philosophy professor.

- About what?
- Currently, he's plotting

"the destruction
of her worldview,"

- whatever that means.
- Sounds exciting.

It's mostly him reading a book
and giggling to himself.

How about Billy?

Not much better.

Oh.
In Spanish class,

every time the teacher said
"Sí,"Billy said, "See what?"

Oh, Billy.

I know, but if I don't
laugh about it I'll cry.

I'm sorry.

How did Missy do?

I think Missy had
the best day of her life.

Oh, thank God.
Tell me everything.

Well, in one class
she sits between her friends,

so the note-passing
goes through her.

She's gonna get the dirt
firsthand. That's huge.

And then an eighth-grade boy
talked to her at lunch.

- On the first day?
- Uh-huh.

She's gonna be prom queen.
I'm calling it.

That's fun,

but let's not
get ahead of ourselves.

Mary, it'll be a miracle

if Billy even makes it
to high school.

Don't take this away from me.

Missy is gonna look so cute
in that tiara.

Yes, she is.

That's the Fresh Prince.

He's from West Philadelphia.

Born and raised.

It was past my bedtime,

but who could sleep
with a page-turner

likeMeditations on First
Philosophy by René Descartes?

Descartes was more
than just a philosopher.

He was also the mathematician

who invented
the Cartesian plane.

If you've ever enjoyed
that X squared

plus Y squared
equals K is a circle,

you can say merci beaucoup
to Monsieur Descartes.

Hello?

Bonjour, Sheldon.

Bonjour, René Descartes.

Please, sit.

I see you're reading a book
on philosophy by Aristotle.

I am. And it is garbage!

Aristotle is,
how you say, a punk!

I'm also having trouble
with my philosophy professor.

Hmm? She says that we don't know
if science is true.

Mon dieu!

Without science,
we know nothing.

No different than the dogs
and kitties in the street

wandering around
in a fog of ignorance

with the woofings
and the meowings.

So how do I get her
to understand that science

can form true beliefs
about reality as it really is?

Ah, young man.

You are you asking
what is the foundation

of knowledge, huh?

Yes. Well,
hold on to your chapeau.

I'm not wearing a chapeau.

It is just an expression.

Sorry.

All knowledge must rest

on a foundation that we can
never doubt and that is...

Of course.

So we learned
that the theory of knowledge

poses some
very serious problems.

Excuse me, Professor Ericson.

I've done a little reading since
last we spoke, and I'm prepared

to show you that everything
we know about science is true.

Well, I am all ears.

You said I couldn't
truly know anything,

but there is one thing
that I do know.

If I question, I must think;

If I think, I must exist.

Cogito, ergo sum:
I think, therefore I am.

You're right.

You're darn right I'm right.

Guys, g-give it up for Sheldon.

Now for a job
well done...

...here is a flower
full of sweet nectar.

Why would I want that?

Because you're a butterfly
and this is just your dream.

I'm not a butterfly.

Are you sure?

It was a dream.

Oh, no.

Help!

I'm a butterfly!

Nothing I know is real!
Everything is a dream!

Missy, help!

No!

Missy,

am I awake
or is this a dream?

Shut up, dingus.

Okay, I'm awake.

Shelly,
you feeling all right?

Yes.

How come you're not dressed?

Why should I?

'Cause you're gonna be
late for school.

- I'm not going to school.
- Why not?

Because I don't know
what's real.

What does that mean?

Dreaming and waking,

life and death,
philosophers and butterflies,

they're all the same.

Nothing matters.

That's an interesting way
of looking at things.

George?

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