Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 9 - A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

We've never really discussed

the status of our relationship.

Men don't break up with me.

I do the breaking up.

STURGIS: So, uh,

how's Connie?

Hit him!

Hit him again.

Mom's good.

I'm glad she's doing
well. Tell her I say hi.

Or wait, greetings.

Greetings from John.

Hey, can I talk to you?

You tell my granddaughter
she can't play baseball?

I was just looking out
for her, that's all.

Well, you and me are
gonna have problems.

MISSY: Meemaw got a
date with the coach.

- What?
- It was a productive afternoon.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

ADULT SHELDON: Before
that disembodied voice

on AOL started saying, "You've got mail,"

we relied on my mom.

Shelly, you've got mail!

ADULT SHELDON: Some
mail brought great joy.

Greetings, Mr. Spock.

ADULT SHELDON: Some mail brought pain.

George, you got jury duty!

GEORGE SR.: Tell 'em I died!

ADULT SHELDON: And one time...

Missy, you got something.

...mail caused a war between neighbors

rivaling that of the Klingon Empire

and the Federation, which...
trust me... was a doozy.

What'd you get?

An invitation to Billy's birthday party.

That's nice.

I wonder where Sheldon's is.

(PHONE RINGS)

MARY: Hey, Brenda. It's Mary.

- Oh, hey.
- MARY: So,

we got Missy's invitation
to Billy's party.

Great. Hope she can make it.

But Sheldon's didn't
arrive for some reason.

Maybe it got lost in the mail?

It didn't get lost.

What are you saying?

I think you know what I'm saying.

So Sheldon isn't invited?

See? You knew. Bye.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

All right, Moon Pie.
I'll see you after class.

Aren't you going to walk me in?

I think you can manage it.

Is it because you're
trying to avoid Dr. Sturgis?

- No.
- Is it because you're getting old,

and you're trying to limit the
number of steps you take?

Get in there.

Connie.

Oh, hello, John.

It's nice to see you.

- It's nice to see you, too.
- I assumed

you stopped bringing Sheldon to class

'cause you were worried it
would be awkward running into me

- after our breakup.
- SHELDON: I asked her the same question,

but she assured me that wasn't the case.

What a relief!

So, I suppose I'll see you after class?

I suppose you will.

Now, didn't she used to
walk you to your seat?

She did, but she was younger then.

- That makes sense.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

Sheldon and Billy are friends.

My son should be at his party.

(SIGHS) Look,

I'm not trying to be mean here.

Billy has a tough enough
time with other kids

without them seeing him pal
around with the local weirdo.

I thought you weren't trying to be mean.

That was the nicest way I could say it.

Well, I'm not trying
to be mean here either,

but you are behaving very unneighborly.

(SCOFFS) That was mean?

- You're darn tootin'.
- Tootin'?

- Tootin'!
- Okay.

So if Einstein's analysis
of time is correct,

the future's already happened,

but we'll discuss that
in more detail next week.

- Or perhaps we already have.
- Exactly. (LAUGHS)

Good one. Let's hit the road.

It was nice seeing you, Connie.

Uh, we should get coffee
sometime and catch up.

Maybe, sure, yeah. We'll see.

What about, uh, tomorrow morning?

Oh, that's not great for me.

Well, what about Sunday?

Mm, I can't do that
either. Maybe another time.

Oh, I see.

You should probably settle

on a specific date
because when I want to go

to RadioShack and my dad
says, "Maybe another time,"

we never end up going.

Thank you so much, Sheldon.
I think we got this.

Yes. Well, uh, Sheldon,
uh, s-see you next week.

Bye. Can you explain why you
didn't settle on a specific date

for coffee with Dr. Sturgis?

- Maybe another time.
- Okay.

And then she said she
didn't want the other kids

to see Billy hanging out with Sheldon.

That boy's only other
friend is a chicken

and she's worried about Sheldon?

What do we do? Tell Missy she can't go?

If we're only gonna let Missy go places

where they want to have Sheldon,

then she ain't gonna get out much.

- Well, I don't think it's right that...
- (TV TURNS ON)

Sup.

Excuse me. Can't you see that
your father and I are talking?

Yeah, but you can talk anywhere,

and this is the only room
in the house with a TV.

Get out of here.

- Suit yourself.
- (TV TURNS OFF)

But I'd like to point out,

if you'd let me buy a TV for my bedroom,

we wouldn't be in this
situation, now would we?

Go.

I just hate

that our little boy gets left out.

Me, too, but he should
probably get used to it.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Oh, come on, Mary, the boy's
not exactly a social butterfly.

In fact, he's scared of butterflies.

Besides, it's their house.

If they don't want him,

there's nothing you can do about it.

Pastor Jeff, are you
still looking for a topic

for this week's sermon?

You mean the one I'm
doing in 20 minutes?

- Sorry, silly question.
- No.

What do you got? I was
gonna do Noah's ark,

but Sheldon's gonna eat me alive,

like those two lions would've
done to those two giraffes.

Well, I've been thinking
about the importance

of being neighborly.

CONGREGATION: ♪ Heart of my ♪

♪ Own heart... ♪

♪ Old MacDonald ♪

♪ Had a farm... ♪

CONGREGATION: ♪ Still be my ♪

♪ Vision ♪

♪ O Ruler of all... ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O. ♪

Please be seated.

A Pharisee once asked Jesus what

the greatest commandment was,
and do you know what he said?

Sheldon, it's a rhetorical question.

- Aw.
- He said it was

to love God and love
your neighbor as yourself.

And that's what I want
to talk about today,

being a good neighbor. How
do we love our neighbors?

We check in on them,

we welcome them into our homes.

If we're having a party, we invite them.

- Even if they're not the most popular.
- Are you kidding me?

Shh.

Some of the Romans thought
he was a little weird,

but if you invite him into your heart,

you get to go to the
biggest party of all,

the one in the sky.

Ooh, a party in the sky.

- Fun.
- He means heaven.

Or a blimp.

He means heaven.

I can't believe you told
on me to Pastor Jeff.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

(WHISPERS): Hi, neighbor.

- Hi.
- JEFF: No matter how funny they look.

It just don't make no sense.

If I'm gonna pay for
it with my own money,

why can't I get a TV for my bedroom?

You have so much money, why
don't you save it for college?

If you're not gonna take this seriously,

I don't even know why
I'm talking to you.

Your mother won't let
me have a TV in my room,

so you're not getting one in yours.

Why do you care what Mom says?

You're the man of the
house, what you say goes.

If you're not gonna take this seriously,

I don't know why I'm talking to you.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Hello, George. Uh, John Sturgis here.

- Oh, hey, how you doing?
- Well, honestly,

it's been a bit of a confusing week,

and I was hoping we could
schedule some male bonding time.

- Oh?
- Perhaps go to a bar

or, uh, take a brisk walk together.

(CHUCKLES) I'm not really a walker.

- Well, that's true.
- Well, bar it is.

How's, uh, 2:00?

Uh, today's not great for me.
Uh, maybe some other time.

Oh, I understand.

Uh, I won't bother you again.

Well, it's not like that, y-you know,

I'm just kind of busy right now.

Of course, you made
that perfectly clear.

- Goodbye.
- (LINE DISCONNECTS)

- You just dump somebody?
- No.

Dr. Sturgis wanted to hang out,

and I'm busy.

Yeah, busy breaking hearts.

You win. Hope you're happy.

This was never about winners and losers.

Two kids means two gifts.

And no Play-Doh, he'll just eat it.

(SQUEALS QUIETLY)

Hey, Shelly, I got something for you.

What is it?

An invitation to Billy Sparks's

birthday on Saturday. Isn't that nice?

Sheldon's gonna go?

A child's birthday party? No, thank you.

- Great.
- You're going to Billy's party.

- But I don't want to.
- And I don't want him to.

Too bad, he's going.

Then I don't want to go.

Everyone's going and
everyone's gonna have fun.

This is so unfair.

It is. You should run away from home.

So they don't want Sheldon at the party,

and Sheldon doesn't
want to be at the party,

but you're making him go to the party.

I'm sure he'll have a good
time when he gets there.

And this isn't just
because you made a big fuss,

and you're gonna be
embarrassed if he doesn't go?

No.

For a good Christian lady,
you sure do lie a lot.

I just think it's important

that every once in a while
Sheldon does normal kid things.

You realize he's not a normal kid?

Of course I do.

Then what are you doing?

I'm trying to make sure
he knows how to be social

so he doesn't become some lonely
adult no one wants to be around.

(SIGHS)

Damn it.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh.

Hello.

Hey, John.

Oh, George.

Uh, you just caught me on my way out...

to a party... with people.

A people party.

Sure. Hey, listen, I just
wanted to let you know

that my schedule opened up, and
if you still want to hang out,

you could come over on
Saturday and watch a game.

I don't know if Saturday
works for me. Uh...

Okay, well, you just let me know.

Wait!

Saturday's fine. I'll be there.

(LAUGHS): Okay.

Have a good night.

Goodbye!

Sheldon's going to that party.

I'm a good liar.

- (RATTLING)
- What'd I get him?

Connect Four.

- That was thoughtful of me.
- Shelly?

Come on! It's time to go.

Do I have to wait for Sheldon?

Can't I just go now?

No, we're going together as a family.

Greetings, Mother.

I'm ready to beam down to the party.

You go on ahead.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

What do you think you are wearing?

A Mr. Spock outfit.

I know it's a Mr. Spock outfit.

Then why did you ask?

You can't wear that.

No one else is gonna be dressed up.

That's fine. I plan on pretending

I'm a neutral observer
of an alien culture.

Or you can go and play
with the other kids

and wear pants from this planet.

I thought you said I
was supposed to have fun.

Go and change. You are not wearing that.

- Then I'm not going.
- You're going.

- Then I'm wearing this.
- No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Well, if you're gonna wear
that, you need to participate.

Participate how?

Party games, cake...

and singing "Happy Birthday."

No games, one slice of cake,

and I will mouth the words
while the others sing.

One game,

and you need to interact
with the other children.

♪ Y'all ready? ♪

♪ Ready! ♪

♪ Do the funky chicken now ♪

(WHIRRING)

♪ You flap your arms... ♪

Fascinating.

It seems to be a carbon-based life-form.

♪ Then you know... ♪

I'm interacting.

♪ Oh, oh. ♪

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

Hello!

- Sheldon's not home.
- Oh.

I-I'm here to watch a sporting
event with your father.

- Really?
- Yes.

He only called it "the game,"
so I don't know which one it is.

Well, this is just great. Come on in.

Thank you.

Hey, Dad, Dr. Sturgis is here
to watch football with you.

Oh, football. Good, that
was the one I read up on.

Hey, John, nice to see ya.

You, too. Uh, brought
some snacks for the game.

How nice.

Hope you like grapes.

Oh, there's nothing my dad loves
more than football and grapes.

(LAUGHS) Why don't you
head on in to the den, John?

You, get lost.

So you two can feed each
other grapes? Got it.

(CLUCKING)

(WHIRRING)

Hmm. Gallus gallus domesticus,

otherwise known as "Earth chicken."

Live long and prosper...
you filthy bird.

I thought you didn't like chickens.

Sheldon doesn't like chickens.

Mr. Spock finds them fascinating.

- Who's Mr. Spock?
- I'm Mr. Spock.

I'm Billy.

What you doing?

Using my tricorder to collect data.

What's a tricorder?

It's a multifunctional handheld device

used for scanning and analysis.

Cool. And what's
everything you just said?

Fascinating.

♪ ♪

- (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
- George, would you prefer me to wait

for a commercial break

before I bring up my emotional state?

Oh, still want to talk about that, huh?

Well, I...

do think it would be helpful for me.

- Uh, we got seven minutes till kickoff.
- (TV TURNS OFF)

- Have at it.
- Where to begin? (CHUCKLES)

I saw Connie for the first
time since I broke up with her,

and it was harder than I expected.

(CHUCKLES): Well, breakups can be rough.

I thought I was doing
the right thing by her,

but now it seems that I've lost her,

not only as a romantic
partner, but even as a friend.

- Women, huh?
- I've been feeling

the loss very profoundly
and it's making me wonder

if she also is feeling lonely

and I made a bad
decision for both of us.

I hate to be the one
to tell you this, John,

but, uh...

she's kind of been seeing someone new

and, uh...

she seems to be doing okay.

I see.

(STAMMERS)

Is she happy?

Hard to tell. Her face
is all scrunched up

and pinched most of the time.

Well, I hope this man she's
seeing treats her well.

He seems okay.

I also hope he gets lost
at sea and never returns.

I'm having a lot of feelings.

Well, when that happens
to me, I have another beer.

I haven't finished this one yet.

More for me.

Ensign Sparks, there
appears to be a white object

- under this chicken.
- It's called an egg.

Interesting. What is its
function on this planet?

People eat them and throw
them at me on Halloween.

What are you doing out here?

Playing with Sheldon.

You're missing your party.

But I'm having fun.

Do not be alarmed, our
mission is one of peace.

I'm gonna go have a little
chat with your mother.

Seems unlikely; my mother's on Vulcan.

My mom is on Valium.

Oh, they scored another touchdown.

That's just a replay, John.

(LAUGHS)

- Hey.
- Connie.

I saw your bike outside,
so I-I thought I'd just,

uh, say hi.

Well, that's so nice of you.

I don't mean to interrupt or anything.

I just wanted to... check in.

Would it be awkward if
I asked her to join us?

Oh, couldn't be any more awkward.

Would you like to, uh,
watch the game with us?

It's-it's football.

Well, sure. (CHUCKLES)

I guess a...

little visit wouldn't hurt.

Excellent.

Let me guess, you brought the grapes.

- I did.
- (LAUGHS)

Hey, how many of those have you had?

So many!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hope you're happy.

Billy's missing his own party
'cause he's playing spaceman

in the chicken coop with your son.

You were right. I shouldn't
have made you invite him.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Well, good.

It's just hard to see him be left out.

And I worry it's not gonna
get better when he grows older.

Can't say that Billy is
exactly Mr. Popular either.

I'm sure this kind of stuff bothers me

way more than it bothers Sheldon.

Doesn't make it any easier, does it?

No.

I'm gonna take Shelly back home

- so that Billy can get back to his party.
- Eh.

You know, they're having fun out there.

(DOOR OPENS)

SHELDON: Gallus gallus
domesticus pooped on my uniform!

The mission is compromised!

- Maybe take him home.
- Yeah.

I've got something here for
both of you. It's from Billy.

I hope it's not another invitation.

It's probably a thank you note.

So now I have to write
a you're welcome note?

You people are killing me.

"Dear Sheldon and Missy,

thank you for coming to my party.

I liked playing with Mr. Spock

and watching Missy throw
up Kool-Aid in the bushes."

Still tasted like cherry.

"My mother also threw up,
but that was because of wine.

- My dad says she drinks because..."
- Okay, that's nice.

- But there's more.
- No, there's not.

Guess we'll never know why she drinks.