Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Sin of Greed and a Chimichanga from Chi-Chi's - full transcript

HERE WE GO.ADULT SHELDON: For many kids,

Christmas morning was the most
exciting day of the year.

That's only because
most kids don't know the joy

of getting
their college midterms back.

It also didn't hurt that
Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.

("DECK THE HALLS" PLAYING)

Nice work, Sheldon.

Now,

you'll notice that your grades
are lower than expected.

That's because
Sheldon did so well,

he broke the curve,

turning your A's and B's
into B's and C's.

They don't seem happy about it.

Maybe you can give them candy.

(BELLS JINGLING)

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

DALE: Okay. This is
where I spend all my time,

yet somehow my ex-wife
owns half of it.

Mm, not bitter at all.
Good for you.

We got baseball over here
and got football right there

and then hunting
and fishing in the back.

Oh, yeah.

And this hockey puck
has been here

since Jimmy Carter
was president.

You'd think a sport with
a bunch of white boys

beating each other up would
be more popular in Texas.

(CHUCKLES)
So, you want to head out?

Oh, my grandson's been
wanting some weights.

Sheldon?

Hell, can't he just lift
a soup can or something?

The other grandson.
The pretty one with the hair.

Ah. All right.
Well, send him by.

We'll give him the family
and friends discount.

How big a discount?

Well, uh, depends on, uh,
how much fun we have tonight.

Are you putting a price
on my affections?

Yeah, kinda.

You're gonna regret it.

I'm really fun.

(CHUCKLING)

CRUSHER: Fever down,
try to let the body heal itself.

PICARD: Keep me advised.
Picard out.(PHONE RINGS)

Captain, the neutrino...

Cooper residence.

Hello, Sheldon.Dr. Sturgis.

I'd love to talk to you,
but I'm right in the middle.

OF STAR TREK: The Next
Generation. It's a good one.

Geordi goes missing,

but Wesley Crusher has a plan
to use neutrinos to locate him,

since they'd be visible
to Geordi's visor.

I was actually calling
to speak to your father.

But I'm glad you're having fun
with your friends.

Hang on. I'll go get him.

Dad! Phone call!

ADULT SHELDON: Even though
Dr. Sturgis was confused,

one day, Wesley Crusher
really would be my friend.

Neat, huh?

(GRUNTS)

Hey, John.

George. John Sturgis here.

That's why I said "Hey, John."

Great.

I was wondering if we could
go out for a beer and talk.

Oh. Well, aren't we
talking right now?

Yes, but we had so much fun
last time,

I thought we could do it again.

Gee, John, last time,
you got drunk

and threw up
in my glove compartment.

Did I? (LAUGHS)

Well, while I don't remember
any of that happening,

I promise to be
on my best behavior.

And the drinks are on me.

Na zdrowie!

That's, uh, "to our
health" in Russian.

(QUIETLY): This is not
the place to talk Russian.

So, what's up?

Well, Sheldon has been
doing extraordinarily well

in his college physics class.

I know. He made me put
his test up on the fridge,

next to Missy's drawing
of her hand as a turkey.

So, uh, the university has taken
notice of Sheldon's talents,

and they would
very much like him

to enroll full-time.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, we've been
down this road, John.

Sheldon's only ten.

Mary and I both have jobs.
We just can't make it work.

Well, that's why they
asked me to speak to you.

They're looking
to sweeten the pot.

That's a gambling metaphor.

A lesser-known version
is "sweeten the kitty."

I assume the difference
is regional,

but I'm no etymologist.

This beer is yummy. Mmm!

So, what are
they offering, John?

They thought it would
be easier on the family

if you were employed
at the university.

Really? Yes, that way,

you could drive Sheldon

and keep an eye on him
while he's there.

But I'm a football coach.

Does the school
even have a team?

Oh, yes, they do.

They-they don't win much,

but they lead the
league in injuries.

Well, guess that's a thing.

Okay.

Anyway, I believe
they're willing to, uh,

exceed your current salary
by a substantial amount.

Is that so?

Yes.

They thought it would
incentivize you.

Well, John, they're not wrong.

Excellent!(CHUCKLES)

(QUIETLY): Na zdrowie.

What the hell.
(QUIETLY): Na zdrowie.

How was Dr. Sturgis?

He's fine.

What did you two talk about?

I don't know. S-Stuff.

Science stuff?

No. Just regular stuff.

Ooh, I bet he talked about me.
What did he say about me?

Sheldon, everything
isn't about you.

Okay? Go to your room.

Yes, sir.

What'd y'all talk about?

Sheldon.

Oh.

(SIGHS)

The university wants to
offer me a coaching job

if it'll help to get Sheldon
to go there full-time.

Oh.

We talked about this.

College might be
too much for him. I know.

That's why I'd be
there, you know,

to help him over
the rough spots.

I don't know, George.

Can't hurt to see
what the offer is.

There are more important things
than money.

That's cute. You should
knit that on a pillow.

Maybe I'll push that pillow
over your face.

Scuse me. You Mr. Ballard?

Yeah, that'd be me.

I'm Georgie,
Connie Tucker's grandson.

Oh, yeah.

The hair. Very pretty.

Hang on a second. I got to
deal with this guy, okay?

Take your time. So,

here you go. Here's the rod
you were asking about.

Now, that's a good choice.

Very solid.Mm. Mm.

And then I just brought
this one along

to show you, just in case,
later, you know,

you get serious about fishing.

Well... I'm pretty serious.

Yeah. You know,
I-I had that feeling.

Wh-What's your name?

Jim.Jim.

Well, Jim, this rod
is a little pricey.

It's double the
cost of that one,

but it's worth every penny.

And, uh, it's the rod I use.

Well, then that's
the one I want.

Well, that's a good choice.

There you go.

Now, with a rod like this,
you want to use live bait,

and we don't carry that here.

But down the street is
Ed's Bait and Tackle Shop.

And if you tell him Dale sent
you, he'll take care of you.

I appreciate that.

So, take her over there
to Bernice,

and she'll ring you up.Thanks.

DALE: Hey.

And-and bring me
back some catfish.

JIM: You bet.

Yeah.

You're a really good salesman.

Well, yeah. Not only that,

I get a kickback on everybody
I send down to Ed's.

You're awesome.

I know.

Ooh. 35 cents off Goober.

What's Goober?

Peanut butter and jelly
in the same jar.

Think about how much time
we'd save.

GEORGE JR.: Hey.

Dale give you a good price

on those weights?

Better. He gave me a job.

Damn. He didhave fun
last night. (CHUCKLES)

What kind of job? Salesman.

(GASPS) Well, congratulations.

I'm gonna learn a lot from him.

He's real good at getting people
to spend money

on stuff they don't need.

Well, I don't know if I
like the sound of that.

You know what I like
the sound of? Ka-ching.

(CHUCKLES) Well, thank you.

That's a very generous offer.

Let me discuss it
with my family,

and I'll get back to you.

Bye.

What was that about?

Are you my family?

I don't know.

I like to think of myself
as your work wife.

So, that's why I wanted
to give you a heads-up.

I got to tell you, George,
this is a real blow.

Appreciate it. But, uh,
yeah, you'll find someone.

There's a lot of good
coaches out there.

Not you. Sheldon.

Sheldon?

I thought everyone would be
thrilled for him to leave.

(CHUCKLES) Don't get me wrong,

your kid is
a royal pain in the ass.

I have a problem with
this permission slip.

You didn't cut them
in half evenly.

Mine has two holes,
and Derek here just has one.

Then trade.

Then Derek will have two holes,
and mine will have one.

You're not going
to the water park anyway!

However, his state test scores
are so extraordinary,

the school actually gets
more funding because of it.

You serious?

Serious as the fire alarms,
which are now functional.

And always were, if anyone asks.

(SIGHS) I don't know
what to tell you, Tom.

(STAMMERS) They're offering
me a pretty nice raise.

Well, I can't afford
to lose Sheldon,

so what's it gonna take
to keep y'all here, George?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you.

I will discuss it with my
family and get back to you.

Good.

Bit of a kerfuffle
at the church today.

Pastor Jeff promised
Patricia Richards

she could sing "How Great
Thou Art" on Sunday,

but I had already
printed in the bulletin

that Karen Baker
was gonna sing it.

They agreed to a
duet, but it was

touch and go.

Mm.What's a kerfuffle?

Not that.

Hey.

Hey. How was your first day
at work?

Amazing.

I made $38

on commissions alone.

Well, good for you.

What's for dinner?

Meatloaf.

Oh. I think I'm
gonna go out to eat.

No, you are not.

We're having dinner as a family.

Yeah, but I got money now
and I can do what I want.

And what I want is a
chimichanga at Chi-Chi's.

I want a chimichanga
from Chi-Chi's.

They do have a good margarita.

You are eating here. So are you.

I don't care what you do.

Later.

Georgie Cooper.

Do not walk out of that door.

Georgie!

That's a kerfuffle.

Missy, let this be
a lesson to you.

The love of money
is the root of all evil.

GEORGE SR.: Hey!

You would not
believe the wheelin'

and dealin' I did today.

I'm playing the high school

and the university against
each other. (LAUGHS)

Hey, what do you say
we go out to dinner?

Chi-Chi's is good.

Ooh, chimichangas.

I've asked you all here
because we got a situation.

George Cooper's considering
a job at a college and...

taking Sheldon with him.

Yes! Is it far away?

I hope it's far away. Maybe it's overseas.

OOH, LIKE FIJI.PETERSEN:
Hold your horses.

If Sheldon walks out that door,
our test scores drop hard.

That affects funding,
which affects your salaries.

Ugh. Well, how can wehelp?

Y'all need to make George
and Sheldon so happy here

they want to stay.

Oh, come on.

(SCOFFS) Isn't there
anything else we can do?

Yeah, Mr. Givens.

You could do a better job
at teaching the other students

so we don't rely on one boy
to pull up everyone's grades.

Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.

(SIGHS)

♪ I've been working
for the big man ♪

♪ All the livelong day

♪ I've been working
for the big man ♪

♪ Just to wash my sins away. (KNOCKING)

Hey, Mary. What's up?

Can I speak with you
about a spiritual matter?

My sweet spot. Sit.

What's the buzz?

Tell me, what's a-happenin'?
(CHUCKLES)

Jesus Christ Superstar.

It's a great show.

Well, um...

I'm concerned George and Georgie

might be succumbing
to the sin of greed.

Ooh, that's a biggie.

Ever since Georgie
started making money,

he's been very disrespectful.

Meanwhile, my husband's so busy
trying to land a better job,

he doesn't even care how
it might affect Sheldon.

I'm sorry to hear that.

In Luke 12:15, Jesus says,
"Watch out.

"Be on your guard against
all kinds of greed.

Life does not consist
in an abundance of possessions."

I know, but it seems like
the whole world

is sending the opposite message.

Don't I know it.

Just the other day,
I was at the mall

and a toaster oven
caught my eye.

Next thing you know,
I was in line to buy it,

and I realized I have a toaster

and I have an oven.
What am I doing?

Turns out Satan
doesn't just hide out

in honky-tonks and casinos.

Sometimes he's in the
appliance section of Sears.

Well, if it's everywhere,
how can we fight it?

We may not be able
to control the world,

but we can control our homes.

It's up to us
to create an environment

where the sin of greed
can find no purchase.

Is that what you've done
in your home?

Well, I do make my toast
vertically,

two slices at a time.

Take that, Satan. (CHUCKLES)

♪

Then Geordi goes missing,
but Wesley Crusher

has a plan to use neutrinos
to locate him,

since they'd be visible
to Geordi's visor.

Is that so?

It is.

I recorded the episode.

I'll show it to you tonight.

That's okay.

You did such a good job
explaining it,

I feel like I saw it.

You're still seeing it.

What's this?

"Reserved for Coach Cooper."

(CHUCKLES)

Would you look at that.
They gave me

a parking spot
right by the door.

Why?

I guess they're
starting to appreciate

my talents around here.

Why?

("MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)"
by Barrett Strong playing)

Oh! There's my man.

Where?

You, silly.

I'm neither a man, nor silly,
but all right.

(LAUGHS)
You're so funny, Sheldon.

Oh, well, that I am.

These are the flyers
for the canned food drive.

And, Sheldon,
you'll be happy to know,

I made sure
they were cut perfectly,

so that each one has exactly
one and a half holes.

But mine has
half a hole on the top,

and Derek's here has
half a hole on the bottom.

♪ The best things
in life are free ♪

Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
What do we have here?

♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees ♪

Ooh.♪ I need money

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want... ♪

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, how come you get
to park by the door?

Don't bother me, Wayne.
I'm sitting.

And you got a new chair, too?

(LAUGHING)

♪ But your love
don't pay my bills... ♪

Are we going to watch
an educational film?

We're gonna watch Star Trek.

Star Trekin school?

Wowie Zowie.

♪ That's what I want ♪
That's what I want... ♪

What's here?

♪ That's what I want... ♪

Ooh, a golden whistle.

What the hell is going on?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

You wanted to see me?

When don't I want to see you,
Sheldon? Come in.

I have something
I'd like to give you.

This is a key
to the faculty restroom.

No students allowed.

One person at a time.

And unlike the other restrooms,

this one gets cleaned
every night.

♪ But what it don't get,
I can't use... ♪

Thank you.

(CHUCKLES) No, Sheldon.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

♪ That's what I want ♪

♪ That's what I want ♪
That's what I want... ♪

It's all yours.

♪ That's what I want♪♪ Gimme money...

(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)

I think this show is
teaching you bad lessons.

Don't worry. I'm a slow learner.

FEMALE VOICE (OVER TV):
Fascinating.

Is that Goober?
Where did you get that?

Georgie got it for me.
He's rich now.

That is it!

I am taking this house
back from the devil.

Hey.

("IT'S A SIN"
BY PET SHOP BOYS PLAYING)

ADULT SHELDON: I've been accused

of overreacting
from time to time.

But perhaps it's hereditary,
because look at my mommy go.

♪ It's a sin

♪ It's a sin

♪ Everything I've ever done

♪ Everything I ever do

♪ Every place I've ever been

♪ Everywhere I'm going to

♪ It's a sin

♪ It's a sin

♪ It's a, it's a

Aw.♪ It's a sin.

GEORGE SR.: What happened to all our stuff?

Mom went nuts
and took everything away.

How am I supposed to watch
Professor Proton?

All my music
and magazines are gone.

Where is your mother?

You want to explain yourself?

(SIGHS)

I am taking our house back
from the forces of evil.

What's evil about Black Sabbath?

You're not helping.

Greed has entered
into your hearts,

especially you two.

It has not.

Is that a gold whistle?

Huh? No.

It's... it's a gift.

Now, where's our stuff?

We want it back.

I'm not telling.

Mary, don't make me ask again.

Or what?

What?

Your daughter lost her mind
and we want to watch TV.

But... Uh, Dale's coming over.

Great. Love that guy.

Okay, we got a problem.

I don't know what kind of

religious gobbledygook
you're going through,

but it is starting to affect me.

Your hands aren't clean in this.
I beg your pardon.

Your new friend Dale
is encouraging Georgie

to be obsessed with money.

Your husband's no good at it.

You ought to be happy
your son is.

George is no prize either.

Not worrying about
what's right for Sheldon.

Well, what do you think
is right for him?

Honestly?

(SIGHS) I don't know.

I know that he's bored
in high school,

but he's just so young
for college.

Well, it sounds like
they're trying

to set George up there for him.

I know.

(SIGHS)

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm not ready
for my baby to grow up.

No mother ever is.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

I just want to keep
my family safe.

I know.

But at some point,
you got to let them go.

And then one day,
if you're lucky,

they'll move across
the street from you

and absolutely ruin your life.

Seriously, get those people
out of my house.

Okay.

ADULT SHELDON:
Eventually, my mother relented

and returned our things
with a few minor adjustments.

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV)

What's The Moosewood Gang?

They solve mysteries
while they learn about God.

Great.

ADULT SHELDON:
Georgie got his music back.

♪ Jesus Christ

♪ Superstar...

What the hell is this?

ADULT SHELDON:
And as for college,

my mother and father
discussed it

and decided that
ten was too young.

So I didn't start
till the ripe old age of 11.

In the meantime... (TOILET FLUSHES)

I had the key
to one sweet bathroom.

♪ Superstar.

WOMAN (OVER P.A.): And we have
brand-new designs on awesome gifts.

And don't forget about
our layaway options.

♪

Lord, give me strength.

I'm sorry, God. I'm weak.

Captioning sponsored by CBS.

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