Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board - full transcript

Abigail Baker?
Here.

Georgie Cooper?

Here.

Sheldon Cooper?

Georgie, where's your brother?

I don't know.

Good enough for me.
Melissa Dixon?

Since I no longer
had a college class

with Dr. Sturgis
to stoke my intellectual fire,

I needed to find someone else
who was up to the task

of being my mentor.

A great mind.

A once-in-a-generation thinker.

Fortunately,
my schedule was wide open.

School's in session.

Pastor Jeff,
I just need your signature...

Oh. Uh, sorry.

I didn't realize
you had a guest.

It's quite all right.
You remember Robin?

Of course.

So nice to see
you again. You, too.

Well, I don't want
to interrupt. Actually,

I was just fixin' to head out.

Already? Yeah.

Discharged my firearm
at a muskrat yesterday.

Lot of paperwork.

See you soon?

Yes, you will.

Bye, Mrs. Cooper.Bye.

That seems to be going well.

It's going really well.

I like her so much.

Why do you sound sad about it?

Well, this is hard
for me to say out loud.

But when I'm around her,
I find myself having...

you know.

I don't know.

Man thoughts.

Oh. But... you're the pastor.

You can't act on those.

Hence my sadness.

What are you gonna do?

I'm not sure.

I can't engage in a
physical relationship

outside of holy matrimony.

Right?

Right.Right.

A solution is
a homogenous mixture

consisting of a solute
and a solvent.

The solute is the substance.

A squared plus B
squared equals...?

Aw.

And Pastor Jeff asked me

to hold him accountable so he
doesn't succumb to temptation.

Well, how the heck you do that?

I'm not sure.

Probably have to give him
the stink eye every so often.

The pastor's been
married before.

Is it really that big a deal?

Yes, George. It states
very clearly in the Bible:

"Among you there must not be
even a hintof..."

Sexual... immorality.

That book is a bummer sometimes.

It's no joke.

He could lose his job.

I guess I just don't get it.

Maybe because you only go to
church when there's a bake sale.

That's not nice. It's true.

Doesn't make it nice.

Everything all right
with Sheldon?

How much time you got?

Why? Hasn't been in P.E.
since Monday.

Really? Mm-hmm.

He's here. I drove him.

You check the places
they like to stuff him?

Lockers, trash cans,

those bags
we put the footballs in.

Nothing.

Top of the flagpole? Nope.

Hey, Hubert.

Was Sheldon in class today?

Nope. Haven't seen him all week.

Weren't you gonna say anything?

I didn't want to jinx it.

So he hasn't been
in any of your classes?

But I bring him here,
I take him home...

He's got to be somewhere
in the building.

Mm, I might've seen
him in the library.

But at this point,
I sometimes think

I see him when I'm
alone in my house.

Like that creepy Chucky doll
in the movies?

Exactly!

Hey, Tam. I can't find Sheldon.

You know where he is?

I promised not to say.

Tam... Lucky for you I'm weak.

Are you kidding me?

I knew Tam was weak.

What do you think you're doing?

Exploring the impact
of the French invasion

on Imperial Russian society.

Well, get out of here.

You're going back to class.

No, I'm not.

Excuse me?

I don't learn anything in class.

But in here I've taught
myself the applications

of gravitational lensing,

Faraday's law of
magnetic induction,

and how to whistle.

Well, sound came out yesterday.

Y-You can't spend your day
in a broom closet.

It's no longer a broom closet.

It's now a citadel
of higher learning.

Which one says
"Robin, I like you"

but also says "God is watching",

be cool"?

The blue one.

Mary,
your husband's on the line.

Excuse me. Yeah, blue.

Definitely blue.

Although... Everything okay?

Sheldon locked himself
in a broom closet,

and he's refusing
to go to class.

What's he doing in a closet?

Apparently,
learning about Russia.

Well, what do you want meto do?

I want you to handle it.

You're right there...
Why can't you handle it?

'Cause I'm at work. So am I.

You know what I mean.

That you have a real job
and I don't?

Mary, I have football practice
in ten minutes, and I...

I don't have time
to deal with this.

Well, you're gonna have to,
'cause I'm busy.

You tell him, sister.

The bolo tie's too sexy, right?

Knew it.

Hope you're happy... your mother
and I are fighting now!

There's a closet, it...
My son made a citadel.

Never mind.

Sheldon, go to your room.Gladly.

He's just gonna read in there.

I'd take away Professor Proton.

Stay out of this.

No more Professor Proton!

Aw.

That's how you do it.

I can't believe you
didn't make him go to class.

You told me to handle it;
I handled it.

That one's on you.

You didn't handle it.
You didn't doanything.

I had to get to practice,
and I made a decision.

He was in the building, he was
safe, and he was learning.

He is never gonna improve
his social skills

if he's sitting all alone.

He has to be around people.

Sounds like you know what
he needs... go fix it.

'Cause I have to do
everything, right?

Oh. Someone's sleeping
on the couch tonight.

Get out of here!

Well, maybe Shel is

just acting out

'cause he doesn't have
his college class

to go to anymore.

I could ask
John's professor friend.

Maybe he'd let him sit in
on a class.

And you are
just bringing this up now?

I would've said
something earlier,

but I was enjoying the fight.

Hello?

Hi, Dr. Linkletter.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I need a favor. Of course. Anything.

Should we discuss it
over dinner?

I'll take a rain check on that.

I was hoping

that my grandson
could join in your physics class

until John is, uh... back.

From the mental hospital?

Yes.

The one he never told you
he'd been in before?

Yes.

A curious ethical choice
on his part, if you ask me.

Can he take the class or not?

Of course.

Although,
I never taught a child before.

Is he potty-trained?

What are you doing?

Watching last week's
Professor Protonin my mind.

Moon Pie?

Good news. You could start going

to your college class again.

Dr. Sturgis is back?

No, but his friend
Dr. Linkletter

is gonna let you
come and take his class.

But I take Dr. Sturgis's class.

I know, but that's not an option

right now, and Dr. Linkletter's
been nice enough to...

to let you sit in on his.

But I like the way
that Dr. Sturgis teaches.

Well, you might like the way

that Dr. Linkletter teaches
even better.

Is it lecture-based? I don't know.

What's his interpretation
of quantum mechanics?

I couldn't say.
Where'd he get his doctorate?

From the University
of Shut Up and Say Thank You.

Thank you.

I thought you were gonna
take out the garbage.

I'm sorry.
I was under the impression

you did everything around here.

You really want to
start this again?

I contribute plenty,

and it wouldn't kill you
to show a little appreciation.

I'll be sure to do that...
As soon as I finish

the laundry, the dishes,
the vacuuming,

the grocery shopping and helping
Missy with her homework.

You like how my job pays
for all the bills, right?

Stop acting like you're
the only one with a job.

Mom! Pastor Jeff's on the phone.

I have to take this.

'Course you do.

Hi, Pastor Jeff.

Everything okay?

I'm in trouble.

Robin just got here.

She looks nice,
and she smells even nicer.

Come on, now.

Uh, nothing smells better
than eternal salvation.

I know.
But we put so much thought

into my clothes,
we didn't even think

about what she'd be wearing.

Why?

What's she wearing?

Georgie, you hang up
that phone right now!

I mean, I-I just can't
win. When I step in,

I'm doing it wrong, and when I
don't step in, she yells at me.

I hear you.

So Darlene does the
same thing with you?

No. But I'd hate it if she did.

That sounds awful.

So, what do you two fight about?

You know, normal stuff.

Who loves the other one more.

Whose turn it is for a foot rub.

Oh, the other day, we did argue

about which way
the toilet paper should hang.

Who won?

I don't remember.

We just ended up making love
on the bathroom floor.

Thank you, Wayne.

This has been real helpful.

When was the last time

you took Mary out on a date?

I couldn't even tell you.

Mm. That poor woman. Hey.

You're supposed
to be on my side.

I'd like to be.

But you're not
giving me much to work with.

Hey.

Smells like you had a good time.

How'd you like to go out
for dinner on Friday?

Just you and me.

Why?

'Cause you're my wife.

I was your wife last Friday,
and we didn't go to dinner.

Mary, I'm asking you on a date.

Okay.

Is that a yes?

Sure.

All right, then.

If you did something stupid,
I'm gonna find out.

Same room. Different teacher.

Same night.

Different time.

This is a real roller coaster.

So nice to see you.

Nice to see you, too. Sheldon,

this is Dr. Linkletter.Hello.

I've heard so much about you.

Apparently not how I feel
about shaking hands.

And on that fun note,
I'll leave you to it.

Are you sure you wouldn't
like to stay for the lecture?

Oh, no, bad idea.

I'm told I snore.

Darling, I'll be out in the hall

if you need me.

MM. JUST A WARNING:

Today's lecture is
rather advanced.

Don't worry.
If you get confused,

I'll be right here
in the front row.

So, this is nice, huh?

Yes.

Lemon in the water.

It's weird to look at a
menu and not have to wonder

what Sheldon won't eat.

I-It got easier when he printed
that card for my wallet.

Still don't know where
he got that laminated.

Yeah.

It's just the two of us.

We don't have to talk
about the kids.

You're right.

You don't think
Georgie and Missy

are doing anything
stupid, do you?

If Mom knew
this was in the house,

she'd lose her mind. I know.

Mom does notlike demons.

So, how does it work?

You put your fingertips
on it like this,

and you ask it questions.

Then the spirits from beyond

will move you around the
board and answer them.

Whoa.

Let's try it.

Okay.

Pastor Jeff talked about these
in Sunday school.

He called them
Satan's Monopoly board.

Come on.

I'll get it.

Hello?

It's Pastor Jeff. What do I do?

See what he wants.

What do you want?

Um, is your mom home?

No, she went out with my dad.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, I hope you two
are behaving yourselves.

We are. We're just watching TV.

Okay, bye.

I just lied to a pastor.

So? So I'm going to hell!

No, you're not. Yes, I am!

Sucks for you.

So then we're able to take

the ends of the strings

and connect them
to a ten-dimensional membrane.

Yes, Sheldon.

Dr. Sturgis taught us

that if you leave
the strings open,

it allows far more
possibilities.

We don't believe
you need open strings anymore.

That's an older model
of thinking. Now...

Yes, Sheldon.

Just because something is older

doesn't mean
that it's not still good.

Original Star Trekis older
than Next Generation,

but if you think that Mr. Data
is better than Mr. Spock,

you don't know
what you're talking about.

I don't know
what you'retalking about.

Sorry you're not having
a good time.

No, I am.

This is lovely.

But can I ask what prompted it?

Well...

Wayne and I
were discussing marriage,

and he was going on
about how happy he is.

I just wanted to try
to work on ours.

That's really sweet, George.

So they go on dinner
dates like this?

Oh, they do all kinds of stuff.

Line dancing and movie night.

You wouldn't believe what they
got up to in their bathroom.

Where do they find the time?

Well...

Well, they don't have
any kids, so...

Son of a bitch.
They don't have kids.

That's why they're happy.

George. It's true.

You and I used to be
way more fun.

That may be so, but you
can't blame the children.

Oh, I can, and I am.

Don't get me wrong.
They're great. I love them.

But you got to admit that they
do not make our lives easy.

I suppose there's a...

challenging aspect to them.

There you go. See?

Feels good to say it
out loud, right?

Maybe a little.

Hey.

Think about how clean
the house would be

if it was just us.

Oh, my.

So, what did they do
in the bathroom?

I'm going to hell.
I'm going to hell.

Relax. Not until you're dead.

You smell really nice.

Thank you.

It's soap.

I love soap.

I'll get it.

Hello?

I lied to you.

I wasn't watching TV.

I was playing
with a Ouija board.

Uh, who is this? Missy Cooper,

and I'm going to hell.

Uh, Missy, you're-you're
not gonna go to hell.

Yes, I am.

God knows what I did.

He sees everything.

You're right.

God does see everything.

But He also just saw you
be a good Christian

and tell the truth.

So I promise, your soul is safe.

You're sure? I'm sure.

If you're lying,
you're going to hell, too.

I'm sure.

Thank you.

You take care, now.

The Lord just sent me a message.

Really?

I'm sorry.

I can't be in a
physical relationship

outside of marriage.

Okay.

I respect that.

Thank you.

So when are we getting married?

Uh...

We don't need open strings.

We just connect them
to a D-brane.

But your theories can't
recreate the known symmetries

of the real world.

Everything okay in here?

More than okay. We're
having a spirited debate

on superstring theory.

Very spirited.

Well, you ready to go home?

Yes. Unless Dr. Linkletter...
He's ready.

Well, I guess
we'll see you next week.

Sounds good.

No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

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