Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 15 - A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub - full transcript

Previously on
" Young Sheldon"..

Would you teach me
how to throw a baseball?

What's bringing this on?

- I don't know.
- You Coach Ballard?

That'd be me.

My daughter's here
to try out.

She made the team.

Congratulations.

And Meemaw got a
date with the coach.

I was married for 18 years,

and I got to tell you,
those were the two best years

of my life.

Practice running late?

Yeah.

The Sparks kid got himself
stuck in the bathroom.

How'd that happen?

Well, the door's a push
and he was a-pulling.

Look at him out there.

Billy's my grandson.

Oh.

I am so sorry. I...

I mean, not that
he's your grandson.

I'm just...
I'm-a stop talking now.

I'm messing with you.

Well...

You got me, all right.

Ah, no.

That one's mine over there.
Evan.

Oh, i-isn't that
the coach's grandson?

Uh-huh.

So you must be
Coach Ballard's ex-wife?

Yeah.
Why?

No reason.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
*YOUNG SHELDON*

*YOUNG SHELDON*
Season 03 Episode 15

Episode Title: "A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife
and a Good Luck Head Rub"

Growing up,
I had an aversion to any type of group.

For example, rock groups.

I'll restrict my drug use
to Rolaids, thank you.

Group costumes.

I'll tell you who really didn't
have a heart: my mother,

for making me wear
a funnel on my head.

But of all the groups
I didn't like,

by far the worst was...

Group projects.

Yeah. You heard me.

This would be
a lot more fun with margaritas.

What isn't?

Then you'd love the way
I ran the PTA.

And you'd love the way
I show up at church.

You're fun.

We ought to go out
for drinks one night.

I'll give you my number.

Oh, yeah. Oh, well...

All right. I'm around
tomorrow if you're free.

Uh, sure.

You should
know something, though.

Um, I'm kind of
dating your ex-husband.

You waited till now
to tell me?

You're sneaky.
I like that.

That is not the feedback
I usually get.

Well, since we're being honest,

I knew who you were
the whole time.

That's why I came over here.

Damn. Nicely played.

So we're still on for drinks?

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeehaw.

Can't we just
do this individually?

Why are you complaining? I'm the
one stuck working with a kid.

Hey. When it comes to physics,
I'm practically a coot.

Which is an old person word
for someone who's old.

Tell him.

- It is.
- Let's just go

to a coffee shop
and get this over with.

I can't go now.
I have to get home

for my bath and bedtime.

Which is also something
an old person does.

That we do.

Can I at least switch groups?

Sorry. I assigned this project
because it's important

for scientists to learn
how to collaborate.

If we must work together,
here's my proposal.

I do everything by myself
and put their names on it.

No.
What's going on?

Dr. Sturgis is forcing us

- to collaborate.
- Oh...

And we wanted to
get it done tonight,

but apparently there's a
bedtime and shower conflict.

- Bubble bath.
- Oh,

right,
it's bath night.

How about we work
in my dorm tomorrow?

Um, I don't know

if a dormitory is the right
environment for someone his age.

If you're worried
about the beer-drinking,

Dad has thoroughly
desensitized me.

How about you all
come work at our house?

I guess
if that's our only option.

It'll be fun.
I'll make food.

You can even bring
your laundry.

That actually
would be great.

Now this man's
soiled underpants

will be in my kitchen.

Thank you.

I-I just don't understand
why you want to go out with her.

You don't?
She seems like fun.

Well, yeah, she is,
until you marry her

and then you find her sleeping
upside down in the closet.

No, I mean, seriously.

You don't think
that having drinks

with my ex-wife
is a little weird?

You went
camping with John.

Oh, it was weird.

Trust me.
Learn from me.

She spent 18 years with you.
I'd rather learn from her.

So you can dig up
a little dirt on me?

Mm, yeah.

Well, let me spoil it,
then.

She's gonna tell you
about the time

I had a little too much
to drink on Halloween

and I ended up puking
in my son's candy bucket.

I bet
she tells it better.

Then there was the time
we had a fight

- and I locked her out in a hailstorm.
- Damn.

But in my defense, when I locked
her out it, it was raining.

The hail was heaven-sent.

You're a charmer.

So...

You didn't do anything you
regret when you were married?

Oh, lots of stuff.

Feel free to grab a shovel

and go have some drinks
with my dead husband.

Oh, that's dark.

Not as dark as my secrets.

Oh, you-you...
You are so hot.

Ooh, chocolate chip.

Just one. The rest
are for Sheldon's friends.

Ready to go? Yep. Go where?

The mall.

What happened to
asking for permission?

I asked Dad.

You know that doesn't count.

That's what he said.

Bye.

Love you.

Keith, Sam, come in.

Sheldon,
your friends are here.

Let me put that laundry in for you.
Oh, thank you.

None for you?

That's okay.
I can do my own laundry.

Oh. Okay.

Hello, Sam, Keith,

big bag of dirty underpants.

Hey, there.

I hope you don't mind,
I started without you.

Not at all.

Is this one for me or am I gonna
be carrying you home tonight?

It's all yours.

Cheers.

I like your blouse.
Oh, you do?

Truth be told,
I changed my outfit three times.

For little old me?

Well, I've never gotten drinks
with a boyfriend's ex-wife.

Do you try to look hot

or do you try to look like
you're not trying?

Well, clearly,
you went for hot.

I wasn't even trying.

I think we can explain
the additional electrons

if we assume the barrier
has a slope to it.

That won't work.
Okay, well, what if the electrons

- are a product of...
- We need to consider that the electrons

are actually moving
backwards in time.

No, that math's
gonna take forever.

Let's just do it my way.

Can you write on the board?

You probably have
the best handwriting.

Why?
Because I'm a girl?

I'm sure
it's better than mine.

I only learned to write
six years ago.

Well, we've covered football
and grandkids...

Our favorite Golden Girl.

Did not peg you
for a Dorothy.

What have we left out?

Hmm. I don't know.

Maybe we've run out
of stuff to talk about.

Oh, wait. We forgot
about your ex-husband.

The one you're dating.

Ah...

What do you want to know?

Well, I know not to piss him off
during a hailstorm.

He told you that?

He wanted to throw himself
under the bus

rather than let you push him.

Well, did he tell you that I was
naked when he locked me out?

No!
Why did he do that?

'Cause I was trying
to hit him with a golf club.

What were you doing naked

with a golf club
in a hailstorm?

Uh, you know,
it was the '70s.

I remember.
What else you got?

Hey, there's my man!

The doctor's in the house!

- Hello, y'all!
- Oh, boy.

Hey!

Connie!

Hey, John.

How?

We used to date.

So you dated him and Dale?

You don't have a type, do you?

What are you doing here?

Me?
What are you doing here?

Well, this is where
I hang out now.

I grade papers,

I chat with the other patrons.

The people who like to bet on
football rub my head for luck.

John, this is June.

- Hi.
- June.

After Juno, wife of Jupiter
and queen of the gods.

No, after the fact that my mom
got knocked up in June.

Ribald! Wonderful.

So, um,

how do you two know
each other?

Well, June here, actually,

is Dale's ex-wife.

And I am Connie's ex-boyfriend.

Is that fun or weird?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, something's
not working out here.

Perhaps it's the way
you're pacing.

Pick a number of steps
and stick to it.

Maybe it's because
you two aren't helping.

Oh, really? But I'm writing
with my prettiest handwriting.

- Don't be a child.
- Hey!

Oh,
you were talking to her.

Who wants pigs
in a blanket?

Actually, do you have coffee?

I just made a pot,
help yourself.

Anything I could get you?
I need a cigarette.

So how's it going?

Great. Now that
those two are gone,

I can finally
get some work done.

They call it
"Hot Dog on a Stick,"

but that's not the only food
on a stick they sell.

It's not?

- They also got cheese on a stick.
- Oh, no.

- You hiding from that guy?
- No.

Oh, I get it,
you like him.

Shut up.

Aren't you a little young
for that?

How old were you
when you started liking girls?

Buh-bye. Bye.

Hey, everybody,
free drinks on the house!

Dang.

Way older than you.

Doesn't matter,
he doesn't like me anyway.

Sorry.

I liked it better when you
wanted to marry ALF.

I still kind of do.

So you went camping with Dale?
How'd that go?

Oh, I hesitate
to speak ill of him...

I divorced him.
Say what you want.

- Then, it was terrible.
- Ah-ha!

All right, come on, let's talk
about something else.

Okay.

A lot of people here
like to talk about the game.

Really?
You speak sports now?

I sure do.
Check this out.

Hey, ref! I suggest you
go back to referee school

and this time
pay attention in class!

You tell him, Doc.

You're a doctor?

He has his PhD in physics,

but his specialty
is quantum chromodynamics.

Wow,
that sounds interesting.

Oh, it is. And I would
tell you more about it,

but I'm lucky I remembered
the quantum chromodynamics.

And you didn't even
have to rub his head.

Well, it's here
if the mood strikes.

Ugh, come on, Bucky,

try throwing it to someone
on your own team.

Is that the Aggie game?

Yeah, we're down by ten.

You like A&M?

I was raised a Cornhusker,
but when in Texas...

Huh, science and sports?
Didn't know that was a thing.

It is possible to be a scientist
and a normal guy.

May your team
be victorious!

Not my experience.

I brought you
some coffee.

You don't have to keep
waiting on us.

I'm sorry, is there a problem?

- I'm just frustrated.
- Is it Sheldon?

It's Sheldon and Keith and
every other guy in our field,

which is basically
everyone.

There were only
three other women

and one of them just dropped out
to get married.

Oh, good for her.

O-Or bad, bad for science,
bad for women.

None of the guys in my class
take me seriously,

and honestly, it doesn't help
when women like you

run around doing their laundry
and making them snacks.

I'm just being
a good host.

Yeah, and raising another boy
to think that all women

are just notetakers
and mommies.

I'm sorry I'm making life
so hard for you.

And for your
information,

Sheldon does not
look down on women,

he looks down
on everyone.

Friday the
Thirteenth Part VIII:

Jason Takes Manhattan
might be the best one.

Muppets also took Manhattan.
There he is again.

Why don't you
go talk to him?

Are you crazy?
Look how beautiful he is.

Sorry, the only guy
I'm calling beautiful is me.

And maybe David Hasselhoff.

I understand that you want to be
appreciated for what you do,

but so do I.

This is my home
and taking care of my family

is the choice that I've made,
and I am proud to do it.

Okay.

It is okay.

And I am sorry
if me baking cookies

says something bad
about women,

but if you think that Sheldon
is difficult to work with now,

you should try him
with low blood sugar,

he is a monster.

Someone's got to be
in charge,

but when you step up and do it,
everyone gets upset.

So your problem is
a woman's mad at you

and Sheldon thinks you're dumb?

Yeah.
Welcome to my life, friend.

W-What do I do?

You-you quit complaining.

You're young,
you're smart,

you're not
tied down.

This is as good as it gets.

It is?

Yes.

I wish I was 20 again.

Eating and drinking
and being skinny.

Now go back in there,
finish your project,

and get your ass
to a keg party.

Go!

Somehow,
my parents calmed everyone down

and got us back on track.

We listened
to each other's thoughts,

and we worked as a team...

for almost four whole minutes.

All right, that doesn't
make any sense.

Because
you don't understand it.

It makes total sense, Keith.

Please, just take
your underpants and go.

Just say hi,
keep it casual,

pretend like you
don't care that much.

But I care the most.

See, that's gonna
freak him out.

- How do you know?
- 'Cause it's freaking me out.

Now go.

No touching!
That's right, you heard me!

Hello?

Hi, Connie.

Hi, John.

It was a nice surprise
running into you the other day.

It was.

Anyway, question:

Do you think your friend June is
interested in me romantically?

Oh, I...

Gee, I don't know.

I only ask because
I'm not good at knowing

what other people are feeling.

I'm aware.

- So could you ask her for me?
- No.

You're right,
I should probably do it myself.

Can I have her number?

Well, you won over a whole bar,

maybe you could
win over June, too.

Hello?

Hi, June.
John Sturgis here.

We met the other day.

I'm, uh, the scientist
who won over the whole bar.

Oh, sure,
I remember you.

Good, good.
Anyway,

I was wondering if you had
any romantic interest in me.

Well, you don't
beat around the bush, do you?

In medieval times,

hunters used to hire men
to beat the area around bushes

with sticks in order
to flush out game, so no,

I guess I don't do that.

John,

you're a really sweet guy,

but I didn't feel like

we had that kind of connection.

Oh. I see.

I'm sorry.

No, that's all right.
Um...

You know, the truth is,

I'm-I'm still kind of
heartbroken over Connie,

and, uh, I was hoping if

someone else liked me,

it might make it hurt less.

Well, I don't know
either one of you very well,

but I wouldn't write off
Connie just yet.

Why? Did she say something?

No, but, uh, it's just the way
she looked at you.

See? That's what
I'm terrible at.

How do you people do it?

Look, I know she's
with Dale right now,

but we were married
for a long time.

Trust me,
he's gonna screw this up.

Follow up question: Should I
mention any of this to Connie?

Mm, I wouldn't.

Excellent. Bye.

Sync & corrections by srjanapala