Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 12 - Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit - full transcript

Previously onYoung Sheldon...

Who are you? I'm Paige.

A unique child can require
a lot of attention.

Try all the attention.

Barry and I haven't been
in a good place in a long time.

This is oddly reminiscent
of a dinner with my family.

Do you think Stone Age parents
stayed together forever?

They had to. There
were no lawyers.

Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce. Why?

They fight all the time.

About what? Mostly me.

I guess I'm lucky.

Why?

I'm the glue that holds
our family together.

No more coffee?

Last cup.

Well, you mind making more?

I just sat down.

But you finished the pot.

George, if I wanted
to make a cup of coffee,

I'd have stayed at my house.

Mmm.

One day I'm gonna put you
in a home,

and I'm gonna smile
just like that.

That's fine.

By then I won't know
who you are anyway.

Guess who is getting a divorce.

About time. Congrats.

Linda and Barry Swanson.

Who's that? A-And can you
tell me how to make coffee?

They're Paige's parents.

Who?

The little smart girl.

Apparently she's taking
the divorce really hard.

I guess she's been having
trouble in school.

Aw, poor thing.

Linda thinks Sheldon
might be a good influence,

you know, maybe rub off
on her a little bit.

What, she wants her kid
to be more like Sheldon?

I don't know what
to say about that.

So, good news.

Paige is gonna
spend the weekend with us.

My history with Paige

brought up complicated feelings.

She challenged me.

Do you know if you'll be doing

a full-color octet calculation

with matrix manipulations?

I know you're in my spot.

She disturbed me.

Hi, Sheldon!

She enraged me.

Checkmate.

Things were simpler

for my simple-minded sister.

Yay!

Shelly, I got you something.

The Professor Proton
Science Kit!

Wait a minute.

Last time you gave me a present
for no reason,

I had to get a booster shot.

Nothing like that.

I was just thinking,
it might be a fun thing for you

to share with Paige.

Sharing. Sometimes I feel
like you don't know me.

Paige is having a rough time
at home right now,

and I think she could really
use a friend.

A crocodile could really
use a meal,

but that doesn't mean
I should leap into his mouth.

Shelly, I am asking you
to do this for me.

This was the woman

who cut the crusts off
my sandwiches.

She had me. Into the mouth I go.

Why haven't you mowed the lawn?

I been busy.

Well, you're not busy now.

I'm working out.

Got the word "work"
right there in it.

Get out there and mow.

Why? I'm making good money.

I don't need an allowance,
so I don't need to do chores.

It's not about that.

You're part of this family,
you still need to help out.

So I'm just here
to do your bidding?

Well, and people say
Sheldon's a genius.

I just want to remind you both
to please be sensitive

about the situation
with Paige's family.

She's talking to you, dingus.

Both of you.

Hi, come in.Hello.

Hi, Missy. Hi, Sheldon.

What did you do to your hair?
Is this because

your parents got divorced?

Dingus.

Well, she just really wanted to,

and I thought, you know,
under the circumstances,

why not?

Well, I think it looks great.

So, can I have pink...?

No. Why don't you kids go play?

I'd rather have pink hair
than together parents.

I don't blame you.

Well, it's about time.

Hi, Mr. Cooper!

Billy. What are you doing?

I'm mowing the lawn.

What are youdoing?

Did Georgie put you up to this?

Yeah. He's paying me.

That dummy.

I'm raising the money
to buy a Jet Ski.

I mean, I'm thrilled
that he's gone,

but I do worry about
how it's affecting Paige.

Of course.

You and George have
such a beautiful family.

I think it's good for her
to be around that right now.

Oh. Hey.

Nice to see you.
Sorry about the divorce.

I got to go yell
at my idiot son.

Georgie! Where are you?

You look great, by the way.

Oh, thanks.
I started smoking again.

What the hell's wrong with you?

You think it's okay
for Billy Sparks

to do yourwork?

I paid him.

I tried to give him two dollars,
but he only wanted one.

Damn it, Georgie, I'm trying
to teach you responsibility.

You can't just buy your way
out of everything in life. You sure?

'Cause I'll give you ten bucks
to leave me alone right now.

Go mow the lawn.

I'm not gonna say it again.

Fine. But I'm only doing this
so you'll get off my back.

Oh, you'll know when I'm
on your back, little man.

Now we can be hair twins.

Paige, you're supposed to be
doing science with me.

That's boring.

I want to do
something dangerous.

This isdangerous. We don't have
an eye wash station.

Let's go to the mall.
Mom doesn't like the mall.

She says the mannequins
don't have enough clothes on,

but I think
it's 'cause we're poor.

We are poor. I do our taxes.

Don't worry. I'll ask her.

Ever since my
parents got divorced,

people can't say no to me.

My mom promised she would
take me to the mall to get me

a new backpack,
but she was so busy

cleaning my dad's stuff
out of the garage

that I think she forgot.Oh.

Of course I can take you.
Anything you need.

Thank you, Mrs. Cooper.

Will you marry me?

Why are you taking
a backpack to the mall?

This is my mall safety kit.

Earplugs to drown out
crowd noise,

Wet-Naps to wipe down
escalator handrails,

a compass, a map of the mall,

and a whistle,
in case I get lost

or approached by a woman
holding a perfume bottle.

You want to stuff him
in there, right?

No.

Okay, Paige,

where should we go
to get your backpack?

The Hello Kitty store. I would help
you find it, but this subpar mall map

isn't even orientated north.

Let's go. All right, have fun
at the Hello Kitty store,

and meet me at the
fountain in half an hour.

Just to be clear, there are
no actual kitties, right?

I can't imagine
talking to my dad

the way this kid talks to me.

I'd have had a belt
on my backside so fast...

My dad was a hugger.

I had to tell him three times
to mow the lawn,

and he still gave me attitude.

He's going to school,
holding down a job.

If he was my kid,
I'd be proud of him.

I am proud of him.

When he's not being
a total pain in my ass.

You ever tell him you're proud?

He knows.

I think it's important
for children to hear it.

You don't even have kids.

I teach and coach teenage boys.

I also put up with
your childish nonsense.

Georgie's just being
so damn disrespectful,

I don't want to reward that.

All right.

My father never said
he was proud of me.

I turned out just fine.

George, I'm just trying
to have a nice day,

make some white folks
uncomfortable.

Can you please?

This isn't
the Hello Kitty store.

No. It's Hot Topic.

What's the topic, devil worship? Hey,

did you know there's
a bow tie section in the back?

Why would they hide
that in the back?

Ooh. What's that?

Body glitter.

That's so much better
than regular glitter.

Then buy it.

I don't have any money.

Then steal it.

No, my mom would kill me.

Fine. Your mom can't punish me.

I didn't see any bow ties,

just a shirt with
a bad word on it.

What did you put in your pocket?

Nothing.

Are you guys stealing?
Because if you are,

I am prepared to literally
blow the whistle on you... Okay.

Okay.

Relax, we were just
playing around.

Let's just get out of here.Good.

Everyone behind the counter

has an earring where an earring

does not belong.

Hey, Vern,
looks like you're turning

into quite the little shopper.

Hey.

I've already mowed the lawn.

I know. Thanks for doing that.

So what do you want?

Well, I was thinking you and I
could go grab a burger.

Why?

'Cause I thought
it'd be a nice thing to do.

Which restaurant?

Why does it matter?

Well, McDonald's burgers
are fried,

and sometimes
I like flame-broiled.

Fine, we can go to Burger King.

I don't like the fries
at Burger King.

Ooh, Arby's has

those curly fries.

Shoot, they don't have burgers.

Then let's go to Whataburger.

Okay, but I hope you're not
this cranky the whole meal.

So,

we haven't really had
a chance to talk much lately.

Why is it so hot in here?

AC's busted.

Why don't you get it fixed?

'Cause I got better things
to spend my money on.

Anyway,

what I wanted to say

is, even though I'm not loving
your attitude lately,

I think it's great
you got this job

and y-you're doing
so well at it.

I'm proud of you.

All right.

That's all you have to say?

Well, maybe if I wasn't
sweating my balls off,

I could think of something else.

Just stick your head
out the window.

If it's about money,
I've got money.

It can even be a loan
if it makes you feel better.

Don't you dare.

You said you're proud of my job.
I don't think you are.

You know what? Forget lunch.

Let's just go home.

Smart. Save some money
for your truck.

That's it.

You're walking.

I had survived a perilous trip
to the accessory store,

but it turned out,
the real accessory was me.

I can't believe you stole.

You walked out with it.
You stole.

Why would I steal glitter?

I already have
a sparkling personality.

Tell it to the cops.

Or your cellmate.

You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?

Maybe I don't want to be smart.

I have to sit down.

Being smart sucks.

It's the reason
we moved here from Arkansas,

a-and my parents never yelled
at each other before that.

It's just better to be normal.

It works for me. But I
also have good cheekbones.

You swim here?

Dad kicked me out of his truck.
I had to walk back.

What dumb thing
did you say or do?

How do you know I'm the one
who did something dumb?

'Cause you kind of shine at it.

All I did is offer
to pay to fix his AC.

And there it is. Dumb.

What's wrong with that?

Your dad is a grown man.

He doesn't want his kid
giving him money.

So he's glad I'm making money,

but I'm not allowed to use
that money to help him out?

I don't get it. Well, someday,
when you have

a bunch of sweaty, mullet-headed
kids running around, you will.

Oh, I ain't never having kids.

Well, that's the smartest thing
I ever heard you say.

Thank you.

John Sturgis at your service.

Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon Cooper.

Hello, Sheldon.

How are you doing?

Confused, upset, annoyed,

and potentially
in trouble with the law.

Well, in which order would
you like to handle this?

Let's start with confused,

but if we hear sirens
approaching, we'll jump ahead.

Great. What's on your mind?

Do you ever wish
that you weren't smart?

So I would be short,
lonely andstupid?

No, that seems worse.

Why do you ask?

Do you remember Paige?

Of course,
brilliant little girl.

I know, but she says
that she doesn't

want to be smart anymore.

Well, perhaps she's experiencing
some sort of identity crisis.

Is it possible her ex
is dating someone

who seems better for her
in every imaginable way?

I'm confused.

So am I.

How do I make her understand
that being smart is the best?

Might I suggest, instead
of trying to fix her problem,

you just listen?

When I was in the psychiatric
ward, I learned that people

who are struggling emotionally
often just need to be heard.

Hmm.

Sounds difficult,
but I suppose I could try.

Another thing I learned in
the hospital is that some people

believe there are weird mole men
living in tunnels

deep inside the earth.

Well, this has been
mostly helpful.

And you're mostly welcome.

You made it.

Yeah, I made it.

Sorry.

No problem.

Ow.

Ow. Is there a way to do this
so it doesn't hurt?

No. Beauty is pain.

Boy George must really suffer.

Missy, I need a moment
with Paige.

Make it quick.

I'm only half-beautiful.

Yeah?

I'm listening.

To what?

To you.

I'm not saying anything.

Well, if you wanted to say
anything, I'd be listening.

But I don't want
to say anything.

And I don't want to be
listening, but here we are.

Are you feeling better yet?

You're being weird,
and not in the usual way.

Guess that's my life now.

What do you mean?

Everyone is acting weird.

My mom is going on dates and
my dad is acting like a child.

My sister's crying all the time.

I just

wish that everything could
go back to the way it was.

I don't think it will.

It turned out I was
really good at listening.

The trick is to sit there, and
when you want to leave, don't.

I have to live
in two separate houses.

And my grandma says the meanest
things about my dad.

I know that everyone is upset

that I'm not doing well
in school.

It's just hard to care.

Everything that used
to seem important to me

just... doesn't anymore.

So I guess, really,
I just feel alone.

That sounds hard.

Yeah... it is.

Dr. Sturgis was right.

There was nothing I could do
to fix this, or so I thought.

Can I offer you a hot beverage?

That would be nice.

Be right back.

The "Hot Beverage of Comfort"

would become my go-to method

of dealing with someone
in emotional distress.

And it always worked.

Except when my wife
was in labor,

where it was suggested
I throw it in my own face.

What you doing? Paige is feeling sad,

so I'm making her
a hot beverage.

Oh. You're a good kid.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Of all my accomplishments,

I don't know why he singled
this moment out,

but I'm glad he did.

Sup?

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