Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 11 - A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony - full transcript

JEFF:
The Bible says a lot about love.

"Love thy neighbor."

"For God so loved the world."

In First Corinthians, it
says, "Love is patient,

love is kind."

But what does it mean
to truly love someone?

You see, Jesus showed us...

[quietly]:
You see that?

[quietly]:
No. But keep talking.

Why?

'Cause I'm trying
to unwrap a candy,

and I don't want
anybody to hear.

How come she gets candy?
I want candy.

How come you're
not shushing them?

Shh! Shh.

JEFF:
Sometimes love is about

the little things. A smile.

Asking about their day.

Writing an encouraging note.

[chuckles softly]

See? He's talking about Robin.

Who is Robin?

Pastor Jeff's girlfriend.

Mom set them up,
and now she thinks she's cool.

Shh. But I did set them up.

Cool.JEFF:
So, let's see

what Jesus has
to say about that.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

Thanks for coming.Pastor Jeff,

do chickens go to heaven?

Well, the Bible doesn't say much
about the souls of animals,

but I like to believe that God
loves all his creatures. Why?

My dad wants to eat Matilda.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

She stopped laying eggs,

so it's off with her head
and into the fryer.

Well, I will pray
for her little chicken soul.

[chuckles]
Just pray she's juicy.

Hello, Coopers. Nice to see you,

as always.Lovely sermon today.

I wouldn't know. I couldn't hear

over all the candy wrappers
and gossip.

That's enough. Move along.Actually,

Mary, can I speak to you
for a sec?

Sure. Um, I'll be right there.

Yeah, make it quick. I
don't want to miss kickoff.

[groans]
Church andfootball?

At least 60 Minutes
is on tonight.

Everything okay?

Everything's wonderful.

We're trying to keep
this quiet, but...

We have decided to get married.

Oh, my gosh![laughs]

[whispers]:
Oh, my gosh.

And we were hoping that you
could help us plan the wedding.

Oh, my gosh![laughs]

I did it again. I'm sorry.

Um, I would be honored.

Oh.

Just something
small and simple.

So, when were you thinking?
Uh, spring, summer?

Next Sunday.

Uh, oh.

That is soon.

Uh, you're not...?

No.

Because we haven't,
you know...

But we would like to.

But we can't 'cause
I'm a pastor.

But we can
once we're married.

So Sunday it is.

Okay.Or maybe Saturday.

Ooh, Saturday. Even better.

I cannot wait.

Me, either.

Still here.

Hmm.

[all laughing]

[football playing on TV,
door closes]

George,

you will not believe
what I get to do.

What's that?

Plan Pastor Jeff's wedding.

Oh, isn't that nice.

Oh, it's gonna be
a lot of work.

They want this done
by next weekend.

What, he knock her up?

[chuckles]
Been there.

No. He is a man of God.

He cannot have
a physical relationship

outside holy matrimony.

Oh, so that'sthe rush.
[chuckles]

Well, yes,

but they also seem
very much in love.

Love is great.

[sighs]

Anyway, I am gonna
be extra busy,

so I'm gonna need you
to pick up the slack

around here.
You know?

The kids.

Making meals.

Sounds good.

Wait, what?

I need you to help out.

[mutes TV]

So, Pastor Jeff
wants to get lucky,

and I pay the price?

I am asking you to take
care of your children.

And I'm asking you,
why can't your mother do it?

George.

Fine.

ANNOUNCER: That has to be
the play of the game,

maybe even the season!

[groans]

And I can't believe
what I just saw.

[clucking]

Your dad can't
eat Matilda.

Sure, he can.
He eats everything.

Billy, you've raised her
from a chick.

She's like your child.

You wouldn't let somebody
eat your child.

Does my child
taste like chicken?

Billy!

Missy!

[sighs]

ADULT SHELDON:
Many inventions

changed people's lives
for the better:

the light bulb,
the polio vaccine,

and one that doesn't get
enough credit,

the home video cassette
recorder.

It didn't help keep people
out of wheelchairs,

but it did keep me
from missingStar Trek.

PICARD:
Captain's log, stardate 44307.3.

I am preparing to leave
by shuttlecraft...

["I'm Always Here"
by Jimi Jamison playing]

♪ Some people stand

♪ In the darkness,
afraid to step... ♪

♪ Don't you worry...

No.

No.

♪ I'll be ready.

Georgie!

Georgie, why are there

bathing suit ladies
where Captain Picard should be?

Georgie!

He's not home.
What's going on?

Georgie taped over Star
Trek: The Next Generation.

So? Watch something else.

I don't want to watch
something else.

I want to watch Star Trek:
The Next Generation.

And I want to feel bad
for you, but I don't.

The television station's
in Houston.

Drive me there.
I'm sure they have a copy of it.

[chuckles]:
I'm not driving to Houston.

Well, then, I should warn you,
I am very unhappy.

Okay.

In fact, I am peeved.

Okay.

I would slam this door
right now,

but it would startle me,
so just imagine I did.

Okay.

I'm sorry Robin
couldn't be here.

She's working extra shifts
so she can take some time off

after the wedding.

For a honeymoon? How nice.

Where y'all going?

Oh, we don't really plan
on leaving the bedroom.

Well, um, we have
a lot to discuss.

Reception, flowers, cake...

Like I said, we're just looking
for something simple.

Got it. Nothing fancy.

Just... elegant.

Right, but a plain,
bare-bones elegance.

How many guests
were you thinking?

It doesn't have to be big.
I've been married before.

But Robin hasn't.

And you're our pastor.

Your congregation is gonna want
to share in your special day.

Those bones
are sounding less bare.

Sorry.

Your small, elegant,

bare-bones, unforgettable,
simple, special day.

Now, let's talk centerpieces.

ADULT SHELDON:
None of my friends

had recorded the episode.

I called Tam.
I called Dr. Sturgis.

Those were all my friends.

PICARD: Engage. [Star Trektheme playing]

Fortunately,
having a modem granted me

access to an even better
kind of friend:

the kind you don't have to see
or talk to.

[chicken clucks]

[chicken clucks]

[clucking]

[screams]

[yelps]

[clucking]

Why would you bring that pecking
poop machine into our home?

To save her life.

What about my life?

She's not trying to kill you.

Oh, yeah? Then why was
there hate in her eyes?

That's how everybody
looks at you.

[door closes]GEORGE SR.:
I got lunch!

Dad, Missy put a
chicken in my room!

The Sparks were gonna
kill her and eat her!

The hell's going on?

How could you?

What?

[sighs]

I miss your mother.

Would you look
at these sugar flowers?

I'm too busy looking
at the price tag.

Judas Priest.

Oh, you can't skimp
on the cake.

It's the focal point
of the entire wedding.

How about this? We get
a bunch of Ding Dongs,

stack them in the
shape of a heart.

Everybody's happy.

You do not want your wife
to look back

at her wedding pictures
and see a pile of Ding Dongs.

I'm not sure she's gonna care.

She gonna care!

[exhales]

But there are more affordable
cakes here that we can look at.

Thank you.

Maybe they have
some stale ones in the back

that you can disappoint
your bride with.

[whimpers]

[exhales]

All right, here I am.

What's the emergency?

Sheldon's mad at Georgie 'cause
he taped over his space show,

but now he's hiding
in the garage

'cause Missy brought
home Billy's chicken.

And Missy's hiding
in the bathroom

'cause I brought
home fried chicken.

Good luck.

Oh, come on, help me out!

What are you doing to help?

I called your
ass over here.

Where's Mary?

At church planning
Pastor Jeff's wedding.

And she left you in charge?

Yeah.Well, that was dumb.

Thank you.Okay.

Let's split up.

You want live chicken
or dead chicken?

Hey.

Right in there.Hi.

Hello.Hi.

See ya.

I'll take the chicken problems.

Girl in bedroom?

[singsongy]:
All yours.

[music playing quietly
over speakers]

Oh.

[smacks lips]

Would you like to try it on?Oh, no.

I'm not here for me.

Just helping a friend.

Oh, too bad.

That dress would be
stunning on you.

Oh, I would look
like a princess.

What do you think?

How handsome!

I feel like I'm in the presence
of James Bond.

Well, I don't have
a license to kill,

but I do have a license
to officiate funerals.

Should we pull
some dresses for Robin?

I suppose. How about that?

Oh, she'd hate that.
Keep looking.

Oh.

Come on, and bring that bucket
of chicken out of there.

MISSY:
No, we're not
eating it.

What if it was
Matilda's friend?

Honey, that one's from Kentucky.

They didn't know each other.

MEEMAW:
George.

Why are you not
in that bedroom?

Well, I'm just thinking
of what to say.

They're teenagers.

If you wait any longer,
they'll be done.

I'm just gonna grab a beer.

George!

Georgie?

♪ Out on the streets,
that's where we'll meet... ♪

What?

Door stays open.

Why? We're just
listening to music.

My house, my rules.

And don't sit on the bed.

Where are we supposed to sit?

Just... not on the bed.

Whatever.

♪ That you would
end up winning... ♪

He's just mad 'cause
we're young and he's not.

Done. I made 'em
sit on the floor.

Smart. Nobody ever
got pregnant on the floor.

Have you had the talk
with that boy?Of course.

Really? What'd you say?

You know, the stuff...

you know, a father says when
he has a talk with his son.

Good Lord. Did you tell him
about protection?

Oh, come on, Connie.Well, it's important.

What if he knocks that
poor girl up and ruins her life?

Is that a swipe at me?Well, it depends.

Did you knock up my daughter
and ruin her life?

Wait. I know the answer.

Hey, for your information,
Mary is very happy.

[crying]

Robin's gonna look
so beautiful in this.

Your wedding's gonna be perfect.

[crying]Great. Thank you.

She won't have

to go down to city hall wearing
the only thing that still fits

'cause she's trying to hide
the fact that she's pregnant.

Uh-huh.[Mary inhales loudly]

She's gonna get the wedding
of her dreams.

[sobbing]

If she cries on the dress,

do I have to buy it?

[sobbing loudly]

You know it takes two people
to get pregnant, right?

I know that.
Does Georgie?

Probably. We
got cable now.

Dad?

What?

Is Matilda still
in my closet?

What?

That's a "yes."[toilet flushes]

MISSY:
Aah!

The bathroom's flooding!

What happened?I flushed a chicken leg,

and water started
going everywhere.

Chickens were your job!

Maybe I'm being punished.
Maybe I'm a bad person.

That went in my mouth.

Stay back!

Calm down. We're
taking her home.

To be murdered.

Okay, have fun.

Can y'all keep it down?

I have a bone
to pick with you, sir.

What'd I do?

You taped over
my Star Trekepisode.

So?

So, now I may never
get to see it.

What if it was a two-parter?

I can't start a two-parter
on part two. That's madness.

I think I'm gonna go.

Okay.

Hola, señorita.

She's in my Spanish class.

I'll call you later.

Te veo mañana en la clase de español.

What?

That means, "See you tomorrow
in Spanish class."

I was going to ask
how you thought you did

on Friday's quiz, but I'm
guessing the answer is no bueno.

Adios.

[door opens]What?

[nose blowing]

I'm sorry.

This is your wedding,
and I'm making it all about me.

No. I mean, you are,
but it's fine.

It's just, every bride dreams
of walking down the aisle,

and I never got to have that.

Still on you. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

Hey, even though I'm looking
fly, I'm still your pastor.

Well...

it's more than the wedding.

Overnight, I became
a wife and a mother.

I feel like
I missed out on a lot.

Well, sometimes the Lord
has his own plans for us.

And if it helps, Robin
and I always talk about

how much we admire
you and your family.

Really?

Your marriage may have
gotten off to a rough start,

but if that's what it took
to get where you are,

maybe God knew
what he was doing.

[sighs]

You know what?

Let's get back
to planning your wedding.

Oh, no. You're done.
You may be a great wife

and mother, but
you stink at this.

That's fair.

Do I have to?

You want to add grandkids
to this mess?

God, no.

Georgie, we need to talk.

What now?

[clicks tongue]

You're of an age
where your body has...

urges.

Oh, my God!

Georgie, you need
to hear this.

From both of you?

W-Well, who do you want
to hear it from?

No one. But if I got
to pick, I guess you.

Good choice.

Don't forget to tell him
about venereal disease.

[chuckles]

[door closes]

MAN:
This next part's so great.

WESLEY CRUSHER [over TV]:
Yes, sir. I'm aware of that.

[gentle orchestral music
playing over TV]

The Academy?

PICARD:
I just received a message
from Admiral Nsomeka.

She expects you...

What's going on here?

Wesley Crusher was just accepted
into Starfleet Academy,

and for his final mission,
he's accompanying Picard

on a shuttle mission
to Pentarus Five.

No. I mean...
who's your friend?

Oh, he's not a friend.
He's a stranger.

I met him on a Star
Trekbulletin board.

He had a copy
of the episode

Georgie taped over
and brought it here.

Hello. I'm Nathan.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave... Nathan.

Okay.

But I'm taking
my tape with me.That's fine.

Does anyone read us?

[clears throat]
And I know your
mom would want me

to tell you to
wait till marriage,

but I also know...
you're probably not going to.

Did you?

The important thing is
that when you're with a girl...

[scoffs]

You know how when
we're running practice drills

and we wear protection
so both people are safe?

Yeah.

Well, there you go.

What?

Same thing,
but with your privates.

Please leave.Thank you.

PICARD:
Wesley,

you will be missed.[door closes]

That was excellent.

Yeah, top notch.

Get out!

Yeah, I think that
turned out pretty--

Who the hell is this?

This is Nathan. He's
been to four Comic-Cons.

And he's leaving.

Are you sure?

Beam your ass out of here.

Yes, ma'am.

One to beam up.

Energize.

[Star Trek: The Next Generationtheme playing]

ADULT SHELDON:
Okay, that last part
didn't happen,

but, boy,
would that have been neat.

That was so neat.

Forgot my tape.

[music stops, tape ejects]

Energize.

I miss him already.

Robin and Jeffrey,
by their solemn vows

freely made before God...

ADULT SHELDON:
Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin
finally had their ceremony,

which was nice for them, but meant I had to go to church

on a Saturday
and watch old people kiss.

You may kiss the bride.

[applause fades,
people murmuring]

["A Little Less Conversation"
by Elvis Presley playing]

♪ A little less conversation,
a little more action ♪

♪ All this aggravation
ain't satisfactioning me... ♪

No tongue. No tongue.
Oh, there it is.

♪ And open up your heart
and, baby, satisfy me ♪

♪ Satisfy me♪♪ Come on, come on...

Where are they going
in such a hurry?

Probably to unwrap
their presents.

♪ Satisfy me, baby...

Something's
getting unwrapped.

Told you.♪ Satisfy me, baby

♪ Satisfy me♪♪ Satisfy me, girl

♪ Come on, come on,
come on, come on...♪

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