Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Carbon Dating and a Stuffed Raccoon - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

- Who are you?
- I'm Paige.

This is a very advanced class.

Do you know how to differentiate
under the integral sign?

No.

Do you know anything?

I know you're in my spot.

These are parents
we can actually relate to.

Sounds good.
Oh, thank you, Lord,

for connecting us
with the parents

of another special child.

You kids are special, too.

I used to work at the practice
with Barry, but I had to quit

once Paige's schedule
started to get busy.

Well, a unique child
can require a lot of attention.

Try all the attention.

Barry, it sounds like
you might be feeling left out.

Sometimes I do.

Don't you get him
another beer.

Oh, come on. You love this,
and you know it.

They're as messed-up as we are.

From a young age,
I was the proud member

of several elite organizations:

The Radio Shack Battery Club,

entitling the bearer
to the incredible bargain

of one free battery per month.

It's no wonder
they went out of business.

Starfleet International,
entitling the bearer

to say things like,
"I'm a member

of Starfleet International."

And best of all, the Natural
Science Museum of Texas,

which included a free
subscription to their magazine.

"The secrets
of carbon isotope dating."

Juicy.

Mom, can you make the salad?

Sure.

Hey, don't put in
any of those little tomatoes.

Hey, I don't tell you how
to impersonate a lump of clay.

You don't tell me
how to make a salad.

There's going to be a lecture
on carbon dating

at the Natural Science Museum
on Saturday.

Who would like to take me?

You know what? I'd be happy to.

What happened to helping me
at my yard sale?

Ooh, is that this Saturday?

I'm sorry.

I'm taking him
to a lecture on, uh...

what is it? Carbonation?

Carbon dating.
A method of determining

the age of artifacts
and fossils.

Hey, we could use that to figure
out how old your grandma is.

That won't work.

You can't carbon-date
something that's alive.

Well, then, we'll just chop
her down and count the rings.

Oh, George, did my "lump
of clay" remark strike a nerve?

A little.

♪♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪♪

♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪

♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪

♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪

♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪

Dad, do you believe that fossils
are millions of years old?

I guess. Why?

Well, Mom believes the world
was only created 6,000 years ago.

Yeah. So?

Are these differences
a sticking point in your marriage?

Not at all.

- Why?
- Simple.

We never talk about it.

So you just avoid discussing
topics you don't agree on?

At all costs.

Hearing that further convinces me
I'll never get married.

Never say never.

Why not?
You just said it twice.

All right, as soon as I get
these tables set up on the lawn,

y'all can start
bringing that stuff out.

You think you're gonna get ten
bucks for this piece of junk?

Hey, that piece of junk
is a wedding gift

from my cheap-ass
Cousin Betty.

And I was gonna leave
a little room to haggle.

What's a haggle?

Negotiating.
You start high,

they offer less, then you meet
somewhere in the middle.

Leaves them feeling like,
you know, they got a deal.

- Did they?
- Not if you did it right.

How much are we getting paid
today?

You're not getting paid squat.
You're helping out your meemaw.

That doesn't seem fair.

Yeah, we should
get something.

Fine.

How much you want?

Five dollars.

- Each.
- Each.

That's pretty steep.

How about I give you
a buck apiece?

Let's meet in the middle...
three dollars each.

Now we're haggling.

Let me ask you a question.

If you break something today,

are you prepared
to cover the cost of that?

- No.
- Nuh-uh.

Mm. Well, we're gonna have
to factor that in.

And did you bring
your own lunch?

You said we were
getting pizza.

Well, I did,
but pizza ain't free.

And I'm teaching you
about negotiating,

which is a pretty valuable
life lesson, right?

Yeah.
I guess so.

So, if my math is right,

you owe me...
two dollars each.

We owe you?

The numbers don't lie.

Dang it.

All right, listen.

I love ya, and you're family,

so if you do it for nothing,
we'll call it even.

Take it, take it, take it.

You got yourself a deal.

Y'all drive a hard bargain.

Now start bringing
that crap outside.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

I bet he dresses down

to about 6000, 7000
pounds of USDA prime.

You'd eat him?

He'd eat me.

Wow. You're really
cleaning house.

Got to get rid of
the old gar-bage,

make room for the new gar-bage.

This was Dad's.

You're not getting
rid of this, are you?

Didn't need it when he shot it,

didn't need it
when he stuffed it,

- don't need it now.
- Really?

It was his first
attempt at taxidermy.

He was so proud.

If it has sentimental
value to you,

I'll let you have it
for five dollars.

Ooh. For this nasty thing?

Oh, you're selling
his golf clubs, too?

Which one of your
children do you see

hanging out with Arnold
Palmer in the future?

Dad's clothes,
his shoes, his pipes?

Honey, it's just stuff.

I know, but still...

I get how you're feeling.

I do.

Now go away.

I got a lot of crap to sell.

All right, now,
don't wander off.

Pick you up right after
the lecture's over.

Bye.

You gonna be okay by yourself?

I actually prefer it.

Well, I'm leaving.

You keep saying that,
but then you don't do it.

Bye.

He's so needy.

Sheldon?

- Paige?
- I'm so happy to see you.

Are you happy to see me?

Not immediately.

That's okay.

I'm happy enough
for both of us.

- Rice Stadium in Houston.
- Dave Barnett and Dave Rowe.

And Baylor's bidding to go up
14 to nothing.

And if you're Rice right now,
and you're in that huddle...

George?

Oh...

- Hi.
- Oh, Paige's mom.

I know.

What a nice surprise.

I just dropped Paige off
at the carbon-dating lecture.

And I dropped Sheldon.

Well, how about that?

How about it.

Mind if I join you?

Sure.

So, uh, where's your...
your hubby?

- Oh, Barry?
- Barry. Yeah.

Who cares?

That doesn't sound good.

Oh, sorry. Just ignore me.

Okay.

Oh, hey, you want a wing?

Yeah, no, thank you.

You mind if I watch the game?

Oh, no, not at all. Enjoy.

I'll just see
what kind of pie they have.

Mm-hmm.

Well, we were here
last year when Arkansas...

It's getting a little tougher
to ignore you.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's just...

Oh... forget it.

- Okeydoke.
- Fine, I'll tell you.

Barry and I
haven't been in a good place

in a long time, and I...

I think we're headed for divorce.

I'm sorry. Uh...

I don't know what to say.

Uh, oh.

You don't have to say anything.

That I can do.

Oh.

They have cobbler.

Rupert Taylor
got the block, and Charles...

All right, everybody, welcome.

Glad to see
we got so many people interested

in radioactive decay.

Well, hello.

- Hi.
- This is a nice surprise.

I don't usually see
young people at my lectures.

I enjoyed your paper on
accelerator mass spectrometry,

and wanted to find out more.

Is that so?

And you?

I read this magazine.

Uh-huh.

It has puzzles, too.

Okay.

Do you want to kick this off

and tell us
exactly what carbon dating is?

The 5,730-year half-life
of carbon 14

is used as a geochronometer.

Anything else you'd like to add?

Um...

carbon dating is how we figured
out how old my grandmother is.

It was at this moment I learned

I was not only brilliant;
I was also hilarious.

I mean, you, of all people,
would understand.

You've got a special child
of your own.

I do, I do.

How do you and Mary
handle the stress?

Well, we actually have
a pretty good system.

Oh, please tell me.

We don't talk about it.

Not at all?

Zippo.

Boy, that doesn't sound
like it could work.

Suit yourself,
but I'm having a nice day.

You're crying
into your peach cobbler.

For now, let's neglect changes
in the isotopic

ratio of the air
over thousands of years.

This is pretty basic stuff.

Yes.

I'm bored.

Let's get out of here.

I can't. I told my dad

I'd stay here until
the end of the lecture.

Okay. Be a baby.

I'm leaving.

In our case,
the math yields

approximately
48,000 years.

I was most certainly
not a baby.

If anyone was a baby,
it was she,

because people
who call other people babies

are the real babies.

Wait up.

I like it.

It likes you.

How much?
Five dollars.

I only have 50 cents.

That's okay.
We're haggling.

I don't know what that means.

You make me an offer,
and we meet in the middle.

The middle of what?

I'm not really sure.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

Considering buying this jacket.

I found chewing tobacco
and Juicy Fruit in the pocket.

Does that come with it,
or is it extra?

Actually, that's not for sale.

Why don't you look
for something else?

You sure?
There's a price tag on it.

Just take it off.

Is this some kind
of bargaining technique?

Because I should warn you.

I've been to the
bazaars in Istanbul,

where the negotiations are fast,
furious and bilingual.

Just take it off, damn it.

What just happened?

That's my dad's jacket.

Oh.

Still don't know what happened.

Do you think humans will become
extinct like the dinosaurs?

Yes, but before that happens,
some of us will merge

with computers and
become immortal cyborgs.

That's a fascinating idea.

Thank you.

Did you get that
from a TV show?

No.

A comic book.

And then when Paige turned six,
it was obvious

she wasn't like
the other kids,

and she needed a school
where she could excel.

- Uh-huh.
- But Barry's dental practice

was 50 miles
outside of Fayetteville,

and do you know what's available
for extraordinary children

50 miles outside
of Fayetteville?

- I'm gonna guess not much.
- Nothing.

- Mm-hmm.
- So I packed us up,

and I made him move
to Texas where,

believe it or not,
people do get cavities.

I believe it.
I had a humdinger last summer.

- Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.
- And do you know

he's been cool to me ever since,

even though
his practice is making money

- hand over fist.
- Yeah, yeah.

A flag down...

And as much as he
says I ignore him,

he ignores me just as much.

I mean, would it kill him
to get a babysitter every once

in a while and take me
to dinner, maybe a movie?

- It would not.
- Oh, darn.

You didn't see me.

Then you've got
fourth down, and he throws the...

George!

Hey.

Paige's dad.

Barry. Yeah, of course,
I remember.

What are you doing here?

Uh, just, you know,

Sheldon wanted to go
to a science lecture.

No kidding.

We just dropped Paige off there.

You don't say.

Ooh.

Caveman stuff.
I love that.

Where are you going?
It's closed.

I can read... baby.

Just so you know,
that won't work every time.

You haven't, uh,
seen Linda around, have you?

Linda.

Your wife, Linda.

Yeah. No.

So what's new?

Oh, not much.

Hey, you like football?

No.

Well, you sure?
It's a close game.

Uh, no, no, I'm, uh,
more of a tennis man.

Well, those are two very
different sports, aren't they?

I think you've got to go outside

and rely on somebody like...

George...

can I confide in you?

This is oddly reminiscent
of a dinner with my family.

You're funny.

I know.

My family never
eats dinner together.

Why not?

My dad always manages to come
home from work after we're done.

Hmm. My dad never
misses a meal.

Do you think Stone Age parents
stayed together forever?

They had to.
There were no lawyers.

What?

That was funny.

Right, we've
established I'm funny.

Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.

Why?

They fight all the time.

- About what?
- Mostly me.

Hmm. That's too bad.

I guess I'm lucky.

Why?

I'm the glue that holds
our family together.

What are you kids
doing in there?

Okay, ten cents a week
for a whole year.

I get the raccoon, and to tell
people you're my girlfriend.

15 cents a week, and if you
say hello to me in school,

I'll say hello back.

Deal.

Connie, I need to apologize.

Oh, that's okay.
Don't worry about it.

No, I am worrying about it.

I didn't realize that with you
and I being in a relationship,

me wearing
your dead husband's clothes

would be emotionally
challenging for you.

All right, apology accepted.

Thank you.

Are you okay?

I guess I just didn't expect
that getting rid of my...

my husband's stuff
was gonna hit me so hard.

He must have been
a wonderful man.

Well, he had his moments.

He was married to a wonderful
woman, so that says a lot.

You're pretty
wonderful yourself.

Thank you.

Now, let's talk
about this hula girl lamp.

What's your best price?

It's my gift to you.

Nice haggle.

Nice mullet.

Thanks again.

Real sorry
about this.

What were you
thinking?

I got bored.

'Cause you're a baby.

What happened?

Everything's fine.

They just
wandered off.

Hey, Linda, nice to see you.

George, Sheldon's dad.

Oh, sure, yes. Hi.

Well, good to see you folks.

Take care.

Did you know that her parents
are getting a divorce?

Just keep walking.
Keep walking.

What... what is that for?

Well, can't I
appreciate my wife?

What did you do now?

I didn't do anything.

Want to hear something cool?

Sheldon skipped out
of that lecture

with that little Paige girl,
snuck into a closed exhibit.

- You're kidding.
- True.

Even got, uh, "arrested"
by the museum security cops.

Why would you think that's cool?

Sheldon got into trouble
with a girl!

I'm bursting with pride.

You know what? I don't
want to talk about it.

There, right there.

That's why I love you.

You gonna eat
your beans?

Yeah, I'm gonna
eat my beans. Duh.

What about your tots?

- Those, too.
- Georgie!

Just eat your
own dinner.

Dad?

Can't have my tots, either!