Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce - full transcript

For most students, the weekend

represented two days of fun,

freedom, and in the case
of my brother,

a chance to ignore
all forms of hygiene.

Come on, come on.

To me, however, it represented

an unwelcome break
from education.

Whoo! Thank the Lord!

But this wasn't
a typical weekend,

because this was the weekend

I got to do my parents' taxes.

Howdy do, W-2.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

"If you were not covered
by a retirement plan,

but your spouse was,
see the worksheet on page 14."

Try and stop me.

Mom, I was going through
our expenditures

and noticed our grocery bills
are up 12 percent compared

to last quarter.
Any idea why?

There's a person at the end of
the table that eats for free.

There's a person at
the other end of the table

that eats for three.

I've been buying groceries
for the church food drive.

I think that's it.

Ooh, I bet I could
write that off,

including the gas it took to
drive to the grocery store

and then to the church.

With all that driving,
maybe she can count

her car as a home office.

Sounds aggressive, but I like
how you're thinking.

None of that is necessary,
it's for charity.

What's the point of charity
if there are no tax benefits?

Eat your peas.

I like how he's thinking.

You eat your peas, too.

Dad, banking question.

What's that, buddy?

I noticed there's a check missing.

I have a copy of check 128

and a copy of check 130,
but 129 isn't there.

Yeah,
don't worry about it.

But I enjoy worrying;
I find it very relaxing.

'Course you do.

I balanced the rest
of the account,

and it appears to be
a check for $300.

All right, well,
let's just put it down

for $300 for miscellaneous.

I've never labeled anything
miscellaneous in my life.

I'll go ask Mom.

Wait.

I just remembered.

I gave the money to a friend.

- Who?
- It doesn't matter who.

Why'd you give it to them?

They needed it.
It... it's like charity.

Ooh, another write-off.
Excellent.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

What do you say
we keep this quiet?

You mean like a secret?

No, no, just, you know,
something between you and me.

What about Mom?

Mom is on a need-to-know basis.

What if Mom needs to know?

Okay, it's a secret.

Just trust me.

It is better for everyone
if she doesn't know about this.

But I'm not good
at keeping secrets.

It's not hard.
Just keep your mouth shut.

But I'm not good
at keeping my mouth shut.

Sheldon, all you got to do
is be cool.

"Be cool."

He might as well have asked me
to fly around the backyard.

- Good night, baby.
- Night, Mama.

- Love you.
- Love you, too.

Oh, hello.

I was just brushing my teeth
like I do every night.

Nothing new there.

You all right?

Yes. I'm cool.

I'm very cool.

Tell Sheldon what cool means.

Hush.

Sweet dreams.

Love you.

Love you, too,
'cause you're my mom.

You're so weird.

More than usual?

No, I guess not.

Perfect.

To avoid looking suspicious,

I tried to interact with my mom
as little as possible.

Thankfully, it's rude to speak
with your mouth full.

You look tired, baby.
Sleep okay?

Mm-hmm.

So how big a tax refund
you think we're gonna get?

Mm.

- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.

I slept in the nude last night.

Felt every little breeze.

Thank you for sharing that.

You're welcome.

Fight, you cowards, fight!

You fight, Skeletor.

Mare, we got any batteries?!

Look in the drawer
by the refrigerator.

There was only
so much food I could eat,

so I started avoiding my mother
whenever possible.

What are you doing in there?

Keeping your secret.

You got to pull it together.

This is me pulling it together.

- Pull harder.
- Find 'em?

Yeah.
Got 'em. Thanks.

You're very welcome.
Hey, have you noticed

anything off with Sheldon?

Uh, no, no, no.
Can't say that I have. Why?

He's been awful quiet,
and at the risk of being indelicate,

he's gone several days
without a bowel movement.

How do you know that?

Well, I was worried about him,

so I took a look
in his potty journal.

He's still keeping
that thing, huh?

Oh, yeah, that's why he wanted
the Polaroid camera.

Uh, well,
I'm sure he's gonna be fine,

uh, but I'll keep an eye on him.

- Thank you.
- You got it.

- She's gone.
- Thank you.

Batteries are in this drawer.

We got a problem.

I don't know how much longer
Sheldon can hold out.

This is why I did not want you
to write a check.

Well, I'm sorry,
but I didn't have

that kind of cash
lying around.

I do not want Mary to find out
about this.

Well, what about Sheldon?

The kid hasn't pooped in days.
He might pop.

Slip a little Metamucil into
his apple juice, he'll be fine.

Why don't we just come clean?

All right, sure,
we could do that.

You could rat me out
to Mary and...

I could tell her what you did
at the church picnic.

Come on.

Now you're just playing dirty.

We sink or swim together,
George.

We sink or swim together.

Grandmas are supposed
to be nice.

What went wrong with you?

Avoiding my mother
in our own house

was proving to be difficult,

so it was time
to get creative.

Hello. I'd like to book a room
in your hotel.

I'd be arriving tonight.

No, it's just me.

Ooh, a queen bed.
That sounds fancy.

And how much
would this room cost?

Wow. Is that per month?

Per day?

By any chance, do you have
a children's rate?

We've been friends
for a while now, haven't we?

I suppose so.

Given that, how would you
feel about a sleepover?

Sure. Your mom
lets you watch TV.

Jake and the Fatman
is on tonight.

I meant we could sleep
at your house.

But you'll miss
Jake and the Fatman.

Even better.
So what do you say?

I'll have to ask my mom.

Well, be sure to tell her
I'm clean, I'm well-behaved,

and if you don't have
a lot of room,

I can fit
in really tight spaces.

So, your first sleepover.

Pretty exciting, huh?

No. It's not exciting,
it's constipating,

and I'm only doing it
to avoid Mom.

But still,
it's your first sleepover.

It's fun stuff.

Okay, I know you're having
a tough time with this,

but... you're doing great.

You spend some time
at Tam's house,

you know, clear your head,
and come back home refreshed.

And then I can tell Mom?

Oh, no, you can
never tell Mom.

Wouldn't it be easier
to just be honest?

Usually, it would be, but...

sometimes the truth
can hurt people.

We wouldn't want
to hurt Mom, right?

Of course not.

Attaboy.

Hey, here's a funny prank
you can try tonight.

When Tam falls asleep, put some
shaving cream in his hand

and then tickle his nose.

Why?

'Cause then he'll go to,

you know, scratch his nose,

and he'll get shaving cream
on his face.

And then what?

Well... that... that's it.

But I'm a guest
in their home,

and that doesn't seem
like a very good way

to repay their kindness.

Never mind.

And what if the shaving cream
gets in his eyes?

That would sting.

Sorry I mentioned it.

Also, I didn't bring
my own shaving cream.

I'd have to use his dad's,
and that...

Forget it!

- Hello.
- Hi. You must be Mrs...

Tam's mom.

I'm Sheldon's dad,
George Cooper.

Nice to meet you.

Thanks for letting him
spend the night.

It's his first sleepover.
He's excited.

Actually, I'm quite apprehens...

He's really looking forward
to it.

Uh, in case something

comes up,
just give us a holler.

I mean, a call. If you hollered,
we wouldn't hear you.

That-that was a joke.

Okay, buddy, have fun.

Visiting Tam's house

for the first time was
an emotional roller coaster.

For example, it's traditional
in Vietnamese homes

to have gruesome religious
iconography near the entrance.

I did not like that.

However, it's also customary

to not wear shoes
around the house

for sanitary reasons.

I did like that.

Interestingly,

one of the main ingredients
in Vietnamese cooking

is an extremely pungent
condiment known as fish sauce.

I did not like that.

But before every meal,

it's common for everyone
to wash their hands and face.

I did like that.

Forks are not customary
in a Vietnamese household.

I did not like that.

And instead of napkins,
there was one towel

for everyone
to share at the table.

Seriously,
what are they thinking?

I can't help thinking
how odd it is

that Shelly volunteered
to go on a sleepover.

Oh, I don't know.

- Hmm?
- He's growing up.

It's natural for a young boy
to want to spread his wings

a little bit,
try something new.

That's nonsense.

Last week,
I brought home

the Raisin Bran
with the sugar on the raisins.

He almost lost his mind.

If you ask me,

you're worried
about nothing.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I did something
to upset him.

What are you talking about?

He loves you like crazy.

Much more
than he loves this one.

- It's true.
- I don't know.

I just feel
like something isn't right.

Mom!

I got my hair stuck
in my zipper!

That's the kid you need
to be worried about.

Okay, Connie,
why don't we just come clean?

- No.
- You heard her.

Now she's blaming herself.

And Sheldon's so upset

he's... he's acting
like a regular kid.

- All right, let's tell her.
- Thank you.

But first I'm gonna tell her
what you did at the picnic.

- Oh, Mary!
- Okay, okay, shh.

I don't know how much longer
we can keep this going.

I'm willing to find out.

So, this game is called
Mystic Warlords of Ka'a.

It's pretty fun.

There are six kinds
of secret warlords...

- Secret warlords.
- It's a secret.

It's a secret.

Have you noticed anything off
with Sheldon?

Something between me
and you.

Mom is on a
need-to-know basis.

I took a little look
in his potty journal.

- It's a secret.
- Several days without a bowel movement.

- Sheldon.
- Secret. A secret.

- A secret.
- Sheldon.

Did you hear
anything I said?

Sorry, I was reliving
a traumatic experience.

What do you mean?

Tam, I have a secret
that's weighing on me,

and I need to tell someone.

Okay. Tell me.

But I promised I wouldn't.

Okay. Then don't.

But it's driving me crazy.

Too bad you're not Catholic.

You could confess
it to a priest.

That's a great idea.

You're Catholic.
I'll confess it to you.

I'm not a priest.

I'm not a Catholic.

It makes perfect sense.

Okay, whenever
you're ready.

What are you doing?

I'm assuming the position.

Okay.

Forgive me, Tam,
for I have sinned.

This is my first confession.

I forgive you, my son.

I was doing my parents' taxes
and noticed a check was missing.

- I asked my father about it...
- As I walked Tam

through the whole
sordid affair,

I could feel a weight
lifting off my shoulders.

It was a relief
to finally unburden myself

of this deception.

By the time I reached the end,

I felt like a new person.

That's the whole story.

Cool. Can we play now?

And now that my conscience
had been cleared,

my colon was ready
to do the same.

Excuse me. I need
to use your bathroom!

Thank you for letting me sleep
in your bed.

My father taught me that
we must always honor our guests

and treat them
with the utmost courtesy.

The Vietnamese
are a very welcoming people.

Yeah, that hasn't
always worked out for us.

Do you think
your dad would ever ask you

to keep a secret from your mom?

Oh, no.

He's so honest, it's annoying.

Enough talking.

Sleep now.

She's just annoying.

Well, you did it.

How was your first sleepover?

They feed you any weird food?

When I was in 'Nam,
we ate fish soup for breakfast.

Sheldon, I'm
talking to you.

Well, I'm not talking to you.

Okay, what's going on?

After having my first
good night's sleep in a week,

I woke up
with a fresh perspective.

And that is...?

It was irresponsible of you

to burden me with that secret.

Sheldon, we've been
through this.

It's complicated.

While I may not look up to you
from an intellectual standpoint,

I've always looked up
to you as a role model.

I can't do that anymore.

And don't worry...
we made a deal.

I'll continue
to keep your secret.

Hey.

What's up?

Um, I need to tell
you something.

What did you do?

When Sheldon
was doing our taxes,

he noticed a missing check.

What did you do?

Before I answer,
do you trust me enough

to understand
it was for a good reason

and j-just leave it at that?

What did you do?

It's all your mother's fault.
She is a bad person.

I've been telling you for years.

What did you do?

Okay, now,
before I answer that...

Just tell me
what you did.

I got a DWI.

Mom!

It's not as bad as it sounds.

How is driving drunk not bad?

I wasn't exactly driving.

I don't follow.

I was at the dog track
with Georgie,

and I had a few...

Georgie?

With God as my witness,

I've never been to the dog track
in my life.

She knows.

Oh, I've been
there a bunch.

Will someone please tell me
what happened?

Okay, me and Meemaw were
in the bar at the track...

You took him to a bar?

He wasn't drinking.

She had a few
too many margaritas,

so I drove us home.

But you don't have a license.

That's why we swapped places
after the cop pulled us over.

Oh, dear Lord.

I had nothing to do
with this part.

- Shut up.
- Will do.

I didn't want Georgie

to get into trouble,

so I got behind the wheel

before the cop
walked up.

And then I got arrested,
and, uh,

he bailed me out.

So you all thought
you should keep this from me?

- Absolutely.
- 100 percent.

Okay, here's what's
gonna happen:

You and you
are staying at her house

until I say otherwise.

One could argue I was
the hero in this story.

You went gambling and you drove
without a license

and you lied to my face.

Heroically.

Go.

I love everything about this.

I'm guessing you're mad at me.

Aw, forget about it.

I appreciate you not...

ratting me out about the picnic.

Well, we had a deal.

Besides, your marriage
is already hanging by a thread.

It is dangling there.

All right, well,
I'm gonna turn in.

Mmm.

Good night.

Night!

Hello?

So, get a load of this.

Last church picnic,
your husband

snuck in a six-pack,

polished off the whole thing,

then went to wait in line
for the bathroom...

Hey.

You got an extra toothbrush?

Under the sink, darlin'.

Thanks.

You got it.

So then the big gorilla decides
he doesn't want to wait in line,

so he stumbles over
to the church vegetable garden

and proceeds to irrigate
the whole damn thing.

I've eaten those vegetables.

Sweet dreams.