Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Cape Canaveral, Schrödinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair - full transcript

I thought you didn't like
taking the Lord's name in vain?

Shut up.

It's been a while?

Don't blame me.

You're the one who had a heart attack.

The doctor did say I
needed to get more exercise.

I think he meant walks around the block.

No, he winked at me,

and did this little rotation
with his hips, like...

Hey, we got any plans this weekend?

I thought maybe we could get
started on the vegetable garden,

and then, of course, church on Sunday.

Yeah, that does sound fun,

but what if, instead, I
was to go up to Bethy Creek

with Georgie and do some fishing?

How long you been waiting
to spring that on me?

Well, not till I was
done rotating my hips.

You're awful.

So what do you say?

What about Sheldon?

What about him?

George.

You can't always leave him out.

I'm not leaving him out.

You know how he is about fishing.

Get it away, get it away!

Calm down, it's an ittybitty thing.

No, I'm an ittybitty thing!

Who says you have to take him fishing?

Find something else to do with him.

Something he'd like.

What are we gonna do? Spend the weekend

sitting around, thinking?

George.

You have to make an effort.

Young boys who don't spend
time with their daddies

grow up to be oddballs.

Honey, I hate to tell you, but
that ball is already pretty odd.

Please.

Okay, fine.

I'll talk to him. We'll
think of something.

Good.

Thank you.

What?

I was just remembering
when I took him camping.

Moth! Moth!

Sheldon, it's just a butterfly.

How is that any better?

Butterfly, butterfly!

Hey, pal.

Playing with your rockets?

I'm trying to calculate
ballistic coefficients.

Well, that's fun, too.

Listen, I don't have
to work this weekend,

I was wondering if you wanted
to do something together.

Like what?

Whatever you want.

Well, the filter on my air
purifier needs to be changed.

How about a trip to Sears?

Yeah, I was thinking along
the lines of something

a little more active.

Like last year,

we went fishing...

Mom! Dad's trying

to make me go fishing!

No, no, it's okay.

We're not going fishing.

All right, good.

But seriously,

was fishing really that bad?

Mom! Dad's trying to convince me

that fishing wasn't that bad!

Shh. Come on!

Forget I said anything about fishing.

Just think about it,

and we'll do whatever you want.

Thank you.

There is the launching of the
space shuttle this weekend.

Space shuttle?

Don't they do those out of Florida?

Yes. Cape Canaveral.

Sheldon, that'sthat's
like a 12, 15 hour drive.

I understand. Never mind.

You know what? Let's do it.

It'll be fun.

The three Cooper boys
on a little adventure.

Sound good?

Sounds good.

My plan was coming together.

I just needed to get on the shuttle

so I could finally escape
this ridiculous planet.

Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

So, Sheldon, me and Georgie

are gonna take a little
road trip this weekend,

see the shuttle launch.

Looks like I don't get a vote in this.

Good, you're catching on.

I wonder if we'll get
to meet an astronaut.

I remember when I was a teenager,

I had the biggest crush on John Glenn.

I would've given it
up for him no problem.

- Mom.
- Given what up?

Her allowance. Just eat.

So how long are you gonna be gone?

We'll leave first
thing Saturday morning,

stay the night in a motel,

and see the launch bright
and early on Sunday.

I can't believe we're going to see

an actual working spacecraft.

Look how happy he is.

Good job.

How come I don't get to go?

'Cause you, me and Meemaw
are gonna have our own fun.

Could we shoot guns at the gun range?

You're too young
to go to the gun range.

Meemaw took me.

We pinky swore. What are you doing?

Yeah.

Don't listen to me.

I don't know what I'm saying.

I know you like to just keep driving,

and get where you're
going, but you can't ignore

- his bathroom schedule.
- I know.

He goes number one first
thing in the morning,

then again in the afternoon,
once more in the late afternoon,

say 4:00, 4:30, depending
on his juice intake,

and then, a quick piddle before bedtime.

- "Piddle." Got it.
- Now,

number two's a little trickier.

Mary? Relax.

I can take care of my son.

I know.

Good.

I'm just saying,

if he's upset or nervous,

he can get all clogged up.

I won't let that happen.

Thank you.

Okay, let's talk about food.

No need to.

He likes his meat cooked
to at least 165 degrees,

except for chicken, which is 180.

The different foods can't
touch each other on the plate.

Ketchup and mustard must
come out of a packet.

No bottles.

What about his issues with spaghetti?

That's a trick question.

He likes spaghetti.

All right, I guess you got this.

Georgie.

Up and at 'em.

Missy, where's your brother?

Who cares?

- Sheldon, you in there?
- Dad!

Sorry, Georgie.

What's going on?

I can't find Sheldon.

What do you mean, you can't find him?

I mean I don't know where he is.

Well, he's got to be somewhere.

Maybe he got that time machine to work.

Where the hell...

George.

I think he's ready to go.

Wait, Georgie.

- Where's your bag?
- Don't need one.

Got my toothbrush right here.

What about clothes?

A change of underwear?

Got it.

Georgie, you're gonna
be gone for two days.

I'll turn them inside out.

- Shotgun!
- No, no.

Let your brother sit
up front for a change.

I actually prefer sitting in the back.

It's safer.

Come on, sit up
front with your daddy.

He doesn't get to spend
enough time with you.

I called shotgun.

George.

We'll flip a coin.

All right? Georgie, call it.

Heads.

Tails.

Dang it. Sheldon, you won.

You get to ride up front.

Can't we do two out of three?

You won. Get in the car.

What's the point in calling shotgun?

You're a good dad.

If I don't kill one of them
before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Have fun.

Love you guys.

Bye! Drive safe!

This was a good idea,
this was a good idea,

this was a good idea.

This was a good idea.

Isn't this exciting?

It's just us girls,
no boys in the house.

The place already smells better.

So what are we gonna do?

How would you like

to go to the beauty
salon and get all done up?

Can I have orange
hair like Cyndi Lauper?

I don't think so.

Meemaw has friends with blue hair.

She's right.

I haven't gone there yet,

but after a certain age, it's mandatory.

Your hair's not changing color.

- Aw.
- Sorry, kiddo.

Your mom is no fun.

Excuse me, I'm fun.

So I can color my hair?

Not a chance.

But I'm very much fun.

Whatever you need to believe.

Mein Fuhrer.

Dad?

Yeah?

Would you like to have a conversation?

Yeah.

Sure. Absolutely.

All right, what would
you like to talk about?

Um, well, let's see.

Have you given much
thought to what you want to be

when you grow up?

I have.

Great.

And what would that be?

Most likely a scientist.

Unless I stay in Texas, then
I'm thinking cattle baron.

Cattle baron?

Assuming I don't have to touch the cows.

Goes without saying.

Did you always want
to be a football coach?

Well, I always wanted to play.

At least till I got hurt.

Were you a good player?

Not really.

I was just bigger than the other kids.

So you compensated for mediocrity

by being large.

I guess.

That works for cattle as well.

Well, thanks for pointing that out.

You're welcome.

You might want to open a window.

Boy.

My head is so hot.

She is such a hoot.

- You okay?
- Fine.

Okay, don't tell me.

So hot...

I don't like you making me out

to be the bad guy just 'cause I won't

let my daughter do whatever she wants.

I gave you a lot of freedom,

you turned out okay.

You didn't give me freedom.

You were never around.

Is that so?

I guarantee I made supper
for Charlene and Edward

more times than you ever did.

I basically raised 'em.

You think I was out dancing?

I was out working two
jobs so your daddy could

lose all our money on that
damn chain of Fotomats!

It wasn't Daddy's fault that
those little things blew over

every time there was a storm.

Seriously, I'm melting.

Dead armadillo.

That's three for me.

This is a terrible driving game.

Is it roadkill if it's still twitchin'?

Both alive and dead,
just like Schrodinger's cat.

I didn't know he had a cat.

You've heard of Schrodinger?

Sure. It's the kid from Charlie Brown

who plays the piano.

Lucy's got a crush on him.

Schrodinger's cat is
a thought experiment.

A cat in a box is exposed to poison,

and is both alive and
dead until it is observed.

So the cat's name is Schrodinger?

No.

Well, what's its name?

Its name doesn't matter.

It does if the cat was dead.

Otherwise, what are you
gonna put on his tombstone?

Not likely the cat's
getting a tombstone.

It would in a pet cemetery.

Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.

Because he has little white feet?

Sure.

So, in this thought experiment,

do you think Mittens is dead or alive?

There's no way of saying
until you open the box.

Come on.

Optimistically, I would
choose to believe he's alive.

Yes!

Thank goodness.

Dead crow.

There ain't no doubt about that one.

The toilet was sanitized
for my protection.

I love this place.

Dad, can we go to Reptile World?

- No.
- They a got snake

so big it can eat a whole chicken.

Well, in that case, no.

- Aw.
- Let's get some sleep.

We got to get up early if we're
gonna get to Cape Canaveral

in time for liftoff.

I'm so excited, I don't know if I can.

Well, buddy, you're gonna
have to try, all right?

You two share that
bed, I'll take this one.

- No.
- Nuh.

Come on, fellas, I'm the biggest.

It makes sense that
I get a bed to myself.

- No.
- Nuh.

We'll flip for it. Georgie, call it.

Heads.

Not your day.

Dang it.

- That looked like heads.
- Go brush your teeth.

This really works?

Your hair will look
just as pretty tomorrow.

Now, come on, let's tuck you in.

I'm glad I don't have orange hair.

Me, too, baby.

I want to be more like Madonna.

Are you trying to kill me?

'Cause if you are, good job.

Why is she only like a virgin?

Good night!

You ready to finish our conversation?

There's nothing to finish.

I raised myself like a jungle child.

End of story.

Stop being so dramatic.

You think I didn't feel bad

not being around more
than I wanted to be?

Did you?

A little bit.

I'm teasing, come on. Of course I did.

Why else would I have
begged you and George

to move back to Medford?

So you could be with your grandchildren.

And you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You're the only one of my
children still talking to me.

No surprise there.

Besides, you raised yourself
better than I ever could.

You actually believe that?

No, but it would help
my cause if you did.

Your hair looks pretty.

Enough.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Dad.

What?

Georgie keeps kicking me.

Kick him back.

I'd rather not touch him.

You want to sleep with me?

Yes, thank you.

Yeah.

Got enough room?

Yes.

You throw off a lot of heat.

Sorry.

That's all right. It's kind of nice.

Do they launch those
shuttles in the rain?

I think a light rain's okay.

No.

It'll pass.

Just get some sleep.

It didn't pass.

Sheldon, I'm real sorry.

Can I tell you a secret?

I never understood how lightning works.

Didn't they teach you
that in high school?

They probably did,

but I got hit in the head
a lot playing football.

Would you explain it to me?

Well, when positive and negative
charges grow large enough,

a giant spark occurs in the cloud.

Thatthat's pretty cool.
What causes the thunder?

It's a shock wave from particles
heated to 10,000 degrees.

Interesting.

You want to know what's
really interesting?

Aristotle thought that
the sound of thunder

was due to a collision
between two clouds.

He believed the clouds
were expelling air,

in the way a log on a fire crackles...

I didn't realize until years later

that my father was only asking questions

about lightning and
thunder to cheer me up.

In fact, he would
often pretend to be dumb

just to make me feel better.

Looks like rain.

My brother, on the other hand,

didn't have to pretend.

Okay, on the count of
three, we run to the car.

- Ready? One, two...
- Wait.

I want shotgun going back.

Fine, you get shotgun. Okay, here we go.

- One, two...
- I still think

we should wait till the rain slows down.

No, we got to get home.

I got work tomorrow,
you guys got school.

You do realize I'll get wet?

It's just water, Sheldon.

All right. Just making sure you realize.

All right, here we go. Ready?

One, two, three.

Buddy, I thought we had a plan.

You had a plan.

I never did get to
see a launch in person,

but that was the best trip I ever had.

I wish I had told my
father while he was alive.