Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Poker, Faith and Eggs - full transcript

George Sr. is rushed to the emergency room; Meemaw comes to baby-sit; the kids have an adventure getting to the hospital on their own.

My father took pride in saying

that he ran our house
like a tight ship.

The ship got a lot looser when

my meemaw came over to babysit.

I bet a nickel.

Hang on there a minute,
moon pie.

I want to teach you somethin'.

Look at your cards,

and then look in the mirror.

Hey, I'm smiling.

And what does that

tell me about your cards?

That I like them?

Attaboy. Now...

look at my face.

Tell me

what you see.

That you're old.

It's a good thing I love you.

I'm gonna look at
my cards again.

You're unhappy.

Which means...?

You don't have good cards.


I'm gonna see your nickel...

and raise you a quarter.

You can fold.

No. I have good cards;
You have bad cards.

I'm in.

Nines and fives.

That's too bad.

Three queens. You lose!


But you weren't happy.

I made youthink I was unhappy.
But that's lying.

You lied to your moon pie.

I bluffed my moon pie.

Do people know about this?

what's on a person's face

is not always
what's in their heart.

Well, this changes everything.

How do you know who to trust?

You don't.

That's what makes life

Meemaw liked to teach me things
that kept me awake at night.

Mom, we're home!

In here!

What's he doing up?


Hell is that?

I sent Georgie on a beer run,

and tipped him
with firecrackers.


Was I supposed to stiff him?

I ate so much candy!


They're all yours.

Sometimes people say to me,
"Pastor Jeff,

how do you know there's a God?"

And I say, "It's simple math."

God either exists
or he doesn't."

So let's be cynical.

Worstcase scenario,
there's a 5050 chance.

And I like those odds.

That's wrong.

Shelly, put your hand down.

Sorry. Please continue.

It's okay, Mary.

Ilt's Sheldon, right?

Yes, sir. Well, Sheldon,

why don't you come on up here
and tell me how I'm wrong.

No. Okay.

Let's give him
a hand, everybody.

What's happening?

Shelly's gonna eat him alive.


you were saying?

You've confused possibilities
with probabilities.

According to your analogy,
when I go home

I might find a million dollars
on my bed or I might not.

In what universe is that 5050?

So what do you think

the odds are that God exists?

I think they're zero.

I believe in science.

So you don't think

science and religion
can go hand in hand?

Science is facts,
religion is faith.

I prefer facts.

I understand that.

Here's a cool fact for ya.

A lot of famous scientists

believed in God.

Isaac Newton.

Albert Einstein.

Even Charles Darwin.

So Darwin's right about God
and wrong about evolution?

Now you're gettin' it.

Let's give it up
for Sheldon, everybody.

What a good sport..

But I wasn't a good sport.

At that moment,
I vowed to come back

the following Sunday
and destroy Pastor Jeff.

Hello, Mr. Cooper.

Is Missy home?

Hello, Billy.
No, she's at church.

I brought her eggs
from my chickens.

I see that.

You can boil them
or scramble them.


I like fried.


I don't like poached.


Thank you for your time.


You want me to cook
those eggs for you, baby?

No. They're a gift.


He even wrote me a note.

"Eggs from your
secret admirer. Billy."

Mary, can you come in here?

I'm cookin'.

I really need you
to come in here.

What on earth?


Listen to this.

"French philosopher,

"mathematician and physicist,
Blaise Pascal,

"argued a rational person
should believe God exists

"because you have everything
to gain if you're right,

and nothing to lose
if you're wrong."

Sounds right.

Meemaw is coming over

to watch you... I gotta go.

Where? Daddy's not feeling good.

We're gonna go see a doctor.

Is he okay? He's gonna be fine.

You just sit right there.

Meemaw's on her way over
to cook you dinner.

Can we come with you?

No. Just stay right there,
don't move.

George, let's go.

How long are we
supposed to sit here?

I don't know.

She said don't move.

She was very clear.

Hope I don't have
to go to the bathroom.

Don't worry!

Meemaw's here!

Everything's under control!

We haven't had dinner yet.


I don't feel like cookin'.

I think my husband's having
a heart attack!

I need an RRT and a crash cart.

Over here.

Sir, are you having
chest pains right now?

Yeah, a little bit.

Any numbness
or pain in your arms?

Maybe this one.

Shortness of breath?

Enough questions.

He's a fat, middleaged man
with chest pains.

Do something!

All right.
Sorry about the fat, honey.

You said you liked me this way.

Is Daddy gonna be okay?

Yeah. Your PopPop used to have

little chest pains all the time.

Didn't he die of a heart attack?

for insurance purposes, yes.

Hey. What's goin' on?

Dad's in the hospital.

What? Why's Dad in the hospital?

He's gonna be fine.
He had chest pains.

He's gonna be fine.

What are we doin'? Why
aren't we going to the hospital?

Nobody's goin' nowhere.

We're just gonna stay calm,

have a nice dinner,
and wait for your mama to call

and tell us what's what.

I'm not hungry.

What did you mean
by "insurance purposes"?

Just eat.

What kind of Texan drinks
pink wine?


Hi, Mom. Kids okay?

Yeah, they're fine.
How's George?

I don't know.
They're running tests.

Well, don't you worry about us.

Everything's under control here.


I'll call you when I know more.

How you holdin' up?

I guess I'm okay.

Well, George is gonna pull
through this, honey.

I guarantee it.

Thanks, Mom.

Thanks for bein' there.

You bet.

I'll call you later.



What'd she say?

The doctors are doin' some
tests, but, dollars to donuts,

your daddy's just got
a bad case of gas.

Y'all two go get ready for bed.

I don't want to stay
around here.

I want to go to the hospital
and see Dad.

Well, I want to go to Las Vegas
and see Willie Nelson,

but that ain't gonna happen

This is stupid.

You know what's stupid?

I got to drink pink wine!



Is Dad really okay?


I hope you're not bluffing.

You asleep?


Me neither.

Every time the phone rings,
I get scared.

Me, too.

I'm goin' to see Dad.
You guys want to come?

How? Meemaw said
we have to stay here.

You want to go or not?



Who do I shush?

Shh! Shh!

What are you doing?

I'm driving to the hospital.

You can come with me
or stay here... up to you.

I'm comin'.


You're 14.

You don't know how to drive.

I drove a tractor at 4H camp.

It's the same thing.

But you sat on the farmer's lap.

Then stay here.

Come on, Missy.

What are you doin'?

Travelin' music.

I'm coming with you.

Why are you wearin' my helmet?

I don't expect this to end well.

And the pillows?

Same answer.

Turn it off.
I've got to concentrate.



seat belts, everybody.

Please drive slowly.

Relax. I know what I'm doin'.

Whoa! Whoa!

I've often been asked

why I never learned
to drive a car.

This night...

is your answer.

Please slow down.

I'm goin' eight miles an hour.

A cow just passed us.

Do you know how to get
to the hospital? Yeah.

It's right across the street
from the Dairy Queen.

Which Dairy Queen?

What are you talkin' about?

There's two.


You're gonna hit it!

Which is the one
Mom takes us to?

You're gonna hit it!

Ooh, you're in trouble now!


What took you so long to answer?

Powdering my nose.
What's it to ya?

Sorry I asked. Just wanted
to give you an update.

Y... What's goin' on?

They want to run
some more tests.

They're gonna hold him

Well, that's, that's
nothin' to worry about.

That's just precautionary.

How are the kids?

They were a little worried,

but I handled it.

They sleepin'?


Yeah, yeah.

You bet.

Thanks again for helpin'.


these are my grandchildren.

They are my blood.

Okay. I better go.

Okay. We'll talk later.

Son of a bitch.

I hate those kids.

Just admit it, we're lost.

We're not lost.

Well, I sure don't see
a hospital anywhere.

Why don't we ask somebody
for directions?

Because we're children
in a car, genius.

Dang it!

Are you aiming for them?

Everybody just shut up.
I got this.

No. We're going to jail.

Georgie's going to jail.

I'm saying I was kidnapped.

That's a good plan.

Youandl were kidnapped.

If I'm going to jail,
we're all going to jail.

You better pull over.

Thank God.

Well, don't just sit there... follow it.

It's an ambulance...
It's going to the hospital.

Hang on.

How about I put
the radio on real low?

Shut up.



Where are they? Where's who?

More importantly...

- how is George?
- Mom!

- There they are!
- Hey..

Ha! I lost the little rascals

in the... hall.

I want to see Dad.

- Me, too.
- Me, too.

The doctors are with him now.

I'll take you in a bit.

Why are they here?

I think it's obvious.

They love their daddy.

No, I get that.
Why aren't they home in bed?

Well, nobody could sleep.

I thought it was
the right thing.

Good bluff.


Okay, thank you.

You all need anything?
You hungry?

No. No, thank you.

Okay, everybody sit tight.

I'm gonna go check on your dad.


Give me my damn keys.

Yeah. Here.

Thank you.

How did I beat you here?

We kept hitting garbage cans.


I need to wash my hands.

There are germs here that can kill you.
Hold up.

Now, y'all like it
when your meemaw babysits.

Poker, candy, firecrackers.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, if your mother
ever finds out

what you did tonight,

that is never
gonna happen again.

I can't lie to my mother.

Sure you can.
Believe in yourself!

Despite what it looks like,

I didn't pray to God that night.

I prayed to Blaise Pascal.

My thinking was,

if he was right
about the existence of God,

then he could pass along
my request

for my dad to get better.

If he was wrong...


in this moment,
I needed him to be right.

What's taking so long?


Keep your voice down, car thief.

I didn't steal your car,
I just borrowed it.

You're gonna need
to make bail someday.

Do not come to me.

Good news!

Your daddy's gonna be fine.

Should be home in a day or two.

And was it a heart attack?

Minor. No permanent damage.

That's wonderful!

Our prayers have been answered.

Come on, everybody,

let's say hello to your old dad.

Come on.

For a brief moment,

I was filled with
the healing power of faith.

Then the next day,
we all got violently ill

from Billy Sparks' eggs,
and I was over it.

I thought I'd talk this morning
about how it all began.

Now, everybody knows how,
on the first day of creation,

God said, "Let there be light."

And there was light.

And when God saw that light,
he knew it was good.

Here we go.

Yes, Sheldon.

You said he didn't create
the sun until day four.


So how could there be light
the first three days?

God is light.

So God's a photon?

God's what made photons

And what day did he do that?

I would think day one.

If I grab my chest and keel over,
maybe we can get out of here.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Because the first day
had just begun.

So, before the Big Bang?

There was no Big Bang.

There was only the Word.

Was the word "kaboom"?

Okay, do it.

We gotta go.

What's happening?

Is it over? YYes.