Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 18 - A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside - full transcript

Mary bans Sheldon from reading a mature comic book, and Sheldon decides it's time to stop living under Mary's thumb.

Hey, what you reading?

A magazine.

Oh. Making a collage for school?

No, just reading it.

Look at that.

Maybe Sheldon isn't the
only bookworm around here.

Which magazine?

- Cosmopolitan.
- What?

It's a magazine for today's woman.

Hey! I was about to find
out what turns a man on.

Where'd you get this?

Heather. I traded a
Fruit Roll-Up for it.

- Well, this is going in the garbage.
- You sure?

It's got some great tips on
how to spice up your marriage.

My marriage is fine, thank you.

And you are not to bring filth
like this into our house again.

That's not fair.
Sheldon reads dirty stuff

all the time, and you
don't say anything.

He does not.

Check out the comic book on his desk.

What?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Hold on.

No. No.

Th-This blue man's backside
is all over the place.

On page 112, you get
to see his front side.

Oh!

- I'll be back.
- Where you going?

To give the owner of
that comic book store

- a piece of my mind!
- Cool.

And then I'm calling Heather's mom!

Aw.

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Are there any Vietnamese superheroes?

There's one called Half-Face.

Why?

The communist government
forced him to build bombs,

and one blew off half his face.

The left half or the right half?

The bottom half.

That's an important half.

Excuse me. Did you sell this to my son?

I don't know. Who's your son?

The little boy in the corner.

- Which one?
- Sheldon Cooper.

Oh. Yeah.

Look at him!

He is the same size as one
of the dolls you sell here.

Those are action figures.

Where is your sense of responsibility?

Have you looked inside this book?

Because I have.

At that moment,

I felt a subtle heat
rising through my body.

I was used to being
humiliated by my siblings

on a daily basis, but from my mother?

This was new territory.

Mom, you're embarrassing me.

Oh, is that right?

Well, guess what. I don't care.

And if I catch you doing it again,

I'll be back with my husband,
he is way scarier than me.

- I doubt that.
- Let's go.

But I came here with Tam.

Tam, you coming or not?

I'm good.

As you can see, I'm not related to them.

And in local weather,

the tornado watch issued Tuesday
is still in effect for the area.

Stay right here for
updates as we get 'em.

I don't understand why
you'd even be interested

in a book like that.

One of the characters is a scientist

who worked on the Manhattan Project.

Well, it's filled with
violence and nudity,

and you are done looking at it.

But comics are a form of art.

You wouldn't forbid me from looking

at Michelangelo's David
just because he's nude.

When a statue of your naked blue fella

is on display at the
Vatican, we'll talk.

Actually, David is at the
Accademia Gallery in Florence.

Doesn't matter. I don't want
you looking at his bottom either.

Where's Mom?

Chewing out the guy who
runs the comic book store.

Why?

She found an inappropriate comic

that Sheldon had and went ballistic.

She also took my Cosmo.

What's a Cosmo?

A magazine for today's woman.

Sucks for you.

You know, if I had something in
my room she might disapprove of,

I might be looking for
a real good hiding place

right about now.

I think I'm okay.

Your air vent?

Boys are dumb.

D-U-M-B.

Dumb-a?

What are you doing?

Confiscating your comic books.

You can have them back when you're 18.

You're taking Casper the Friendly Ghost?

Ghosts are sacrilegious.
Nothing friendly about that.

Very well.

There's one more book
that belongs in the box,

filled with adultery, genocide,
and even human sacrifice.

You think you're so smart.

I do. And yet you continue
to treat me like a child.

You know what?

You want me to treat you
like an adult, you got it.

From this moment on, I
am done mommy-ing you.

Wonderful. Does that mean I
can have my comic books back?

Comic books are for
children. You're an adult.

My new adult responsibilities
began that night.

Luckily, a cookbook is nothing more

than a set of instructions.

And if there's one thing I shine at,

it's following instructions.

Aw.

What's Sheldon doing?

- Cooking his own dinner.
- Why?

He wants to take care
of himself like an adult.

I plan on putting that off
for as long as possible.

Really? It's a plan?

Maybe I should go keep an eye on him.

No. Let him handle this on his own.

I wouldn't mind watching.

Let's just say grace.

I can't. I got to go in there.

If she's going, I'm going.

No one's going anywhere.

If he needs help, he can ask.

I don't need help!

Everything's under control!

You're really holding
the line on this one.

I'm sorry, but he
just pushed my buttons.

Don't be sorry. I'm diggin' it.

- Ew.
- Gross.

I agree.

Pretty gross.

Y'all are mean.

How was your chicken?

Not bad. The dish soap gave
it a nice lemony flavor.

All right, bedtime.

- Night, Mama.
- Night, baby.

Have sweet dreams.

- Love you.
- Love you, too.

Sheldon, I assume you
don't need to be tucked in?

I can handle it, thank you.

Okay.

Wow. No good night kiss?

That's up to your brother.

That won't be necessary.

Fine.

Had enough? You gonna back down?

No.

He's real smart, but he needs to learn

he doesn't know everything.

Woman, you are getting
sexier by the second. Whew.

Hey, now that you're
treating him like an adult,

can I have his allowance?

That allowance is for chores,
which you already don't do.

Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.

You're not even his third favorite.

Making my school lunch the next morning

proved no easier than dinner.

Maybe you're turning it the wrong way.

Don't you have anything better to do?

Not better than this.

This is nothing a
little science can't fix.

All I need to do is
break the pressure seal.

I don't think that was enough science.

Morning, Missy.

- Morning, Sheldon.
- Morning.

Morning, Mary.

Mom, you need to sign this consent form.

What's it for?

Field trip.

- Where?
- Museum.

- Which one?
- Does it matter?

It's not like I'm gonna
learn anything, anyway.

It's the planetarium
at the science museum.

And I need you to sign mine, too.

Oh. It's interesting that an adult

would need his mother
to sign a consent form.

And here we go.

I don't need you to
sign it, the school does.

So you're saying even
the school doesn't think

that you're mature enough to
make all your own decisions.

In that moment,

I was so angry with her,
I almost opened the jar.

I'm ready to go to college.

Okay. Where you thinking?

Somewhere with a good science program,

but far enough away

to make my mom cry herself to
sleep every night that I'm gone.

You're applying to college out of spite?

I see why you're the guidance counselor.

Okay, let's see.

What about Caltech in Pasadena?

I can't see myself living in California.

I don't trust their carefree lifestyle.

Okay. Um...

How about MIT in Boston?

Do they have a strong physics program?

They're more of an engineering school.

Next.

There's always Harvard.

Hmm. I don't like cold weather,
but I do look good in maroon.

All right, Harvard it is.
Thank you for your help.

Are you interested in
applying to a safety school

in case you don't get in?

Safety school. You're funny.

So, how was everyone's day?

I cut open a frog at school.

For science class?

Sure.

We should put a lock
on the knife drawer.

What are you eating?

An English muffin with
ketchup and spray cheese.

No fair.

Lucky.

Sorry I spent an hour making meatloaf.

So, Moonpie,

how's adult life treating you?

Very well, actually.

I'm working on my
application to Harvard.

Is that so?

Yes. And I'm planning
on transferring there

as soon as possible.

You're not going away to Harvard.

I don't believe you have a say in this.

Okay, well,

Harvard's real expensive.

How do you plan on paying for it?

Oh, I'm sure I'll get a scholarship.

- Oh, are you?
- Yes, I am.

Okay. Okay.

Let's just take a deep breath
and talk about something else.

Fine.

I want to hear about that frog.

A different something else.

I just realized something.

College applications cost
money just to send in.

- They do?
- $50, $60 a pop.

I don't believe you have
that kind of money, do you?

Will you excuse me?

I have to go take a cold shower.

Hello, Randall. I would
like to apply for a job.

- You would?
- Yes.

I need to earn money so
I can apply to Harvard.

I thought about going to Harvard,

but then I realized
The Shack is my passion.

So can I work here?

Excuse me. How much RAM
does this computer have?

Um, I can check on that for you.

It comes with 640 kilobytes,
but it's expandable up to 768.

Well?

Do you even have a r?sum??

No, but I have a report card
that'll knock your socks off.

And what's the processor speed?

It has the Intel 8286, so ten megahertz.

Sorry, Sheldon.

I think it's against company
policy to hire little kids.

But people say I'm like
an old man all the time.

Hey, I'm one of 'em, but
the answer's still no.

When people wonder

why Radio Shack eventually
went out of business,

you can point to this moment.

Meemaw?

Meemaw?

Hey! Looking sharp.

You're not gonna try to sell
me a set of knives, are you?

No. It's a joke.

'Cause of the suit.

Okay.

I need money for my Harvard application,

and was wondering if there
are any jobs I could do.

Hmm. My yard could use a little weeding.

I'm not terribly fond of outdoor work.

Plus, that garden gnome terrifies me.

Ernesto has that effect on people.

How much does the job pay?

Well, let me think. How
about a dollar an hour?

- How about five dollars an hour?
- How about 50 cents an hour?

Wait a minute. What just happened?

- I'll tell you what. I'll give you a dollar.
- Thank you.

Hey. Hey.

You know how you think I
can't do anything for myself?

I do think that, yes.

Well, I have something
I'd like to show you.

You did some chores?

Come see for yourself.

I don't know if I'm ready
for another heart attack,

but here we go.

Feast your eyes.

You did all this?

I did.

You shoved everything in
the closet, didn't you?

Take a look.

I am impressed.

You should be.

There may be hope for you yet.

I thought that showed ingenuity.

Okay, here you go.

I got you a shovel and
a bucket and some gloves.

Did you check the gloves for spiders?

Is this my first day as Meemaw?

It's not?

No. It's duck-hunting season.

That, sir, is an
in-mitigated fabrication!

It's wabbit season! Duck season.

Not again.

What's wrong, baby?

I'm trying to hear about
duck season and wabbit season,

but they keep talking
about this stupid tornado.

The National Weather Service
has issued a tornado watch

for the following counties: Angelina...

Hey, Shelly, how's it going over there?

I hate everything about this.

You need to come home with me.

No. I'm working.

There is a tornado watch. Let's go!

Oh, come on, Mary. We've had a watch

every day for two months,
nothing ever happens.

I think you're just worried

I'm earning the money to send
in my college application.

I am worried it is not
safe out here. Let's go!

I can worry about my
own safety, thank you.

I don't care if you
think you're an adult.

I'm your mother, and
you will do as I say.

Well, that ain't good.

You believe me now?

Mom?

- I'm scared!
- It's gonna be okay.

Georgie!

- Help me get this in front of the window.
- On it.

- Is this my bed?
- Yeah.

Aw, it took me an hour to make it.

You okay, Moonpie?

I'm all right.

- I'm not. This is scary.
- We're gonna be fine.

This'll blow through in a few minutes.

I need to pee.

Can you hold it, baby?

We'll find out.

I'm not all right anymore!

Flashlights, guys!

What if it hits us and we all die?

It's not gonna hit us! I might hit you.

But first, I'm gonna hold you.

In the name of Jesus, I
place a hedge of protection

around this house and my family.

I command this storm
to skip over our home

in Jesus' name.

I wish peace

to every single person in this room

and declare that not
one of us will get hurt

in this storm, in Jesus' name!

Pray harder!

Okay.

The good news was most of
our neighborhood was spared.

Oh.

The bad news: my mother thought

she had something to do with it.

Looks like your house is okay.

You were just worried I might
have to come live with you.

Oh, I think the word you're
looking for is "terrified."

Hmm. Better go check on it.

I'll come with you.

Be careful.

Mom?

Yeah, baby?

You would not believe
the pee I just took.

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