You Rang, M'Lord? (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 3 - Mrs. Lipton's Nasty Turn - full transcript

Following the plate smashing incident, Mrs. Lipton fears for her job, but Alf speaks up for her and she is not sacked. However she takes to her bed and the other staff must do the cooking. Cissy stands as a Labour candidate, whilst Poppy brings home her new beau, the rich and handsome Dickie Metcalfe. Ivy takes tea at the Sunshine Pantry where she discovers her father's cake selling scam and forces him to stop it.

♪ From Mayfair to Park Lane

♪ You will hear this same refrain

♪ In every house again, again

You rang, m'lord?

♪ Stepping out on the town

♪ The social whirl goes round and round

♪ The rich are up, the poor are down

You rang, m'lord?

♪ The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club

♪ The Charleston at The Ritz

♪ And at the Troc, do the turkey trot



♪ They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits

♪ Saucy flappers in cloche hats

♪ Natty chappies in white spats

♪ The upper set is going bats ♪

You rang, m'lord?

The family will be down to breakfast any
minute. Henry, put the bacon in the lift.

- Ivy, take the plates out of the oven.
- Yes, Mr Twelvetrees.

- Ooh, there's not many left.
- We'll have to use odd ones.

It's a good job you can cook,
Mr Twelvetrees.

Needs must when the devil drives.

Henry, wash those.
We don't want the kitchen cluttered.

Yes, Mr Twelvetrees.

Not there. In the scullery, boy.

Yes, Mr Twelvetrees.



- Morning, Henry.
- Morning, Mabel.

Why are the dustbins
full of broken plates?

Mrs Lipton threw 'em at Mr Stokes.

Oh! She's done hundreds of pounds'
worth of damage. Did she hit him?

No, she missed him every time.

Shouldn't have done.
He's a big enough target.

What did she do it for?

Don't stand out there.
There's a lot of work to do.

Tell me later.

- Morning, all.
- Morning, Mabel.

Ooh. Where's Mrs Lipton?

She's taken to her bed. She's locked
the door and she's not coming down.

Well, I expect she's tired
after chucking all them plates.

- Will she get the sack?
- Mind your own business.

Henry, come here.

- Yes, Mr Twelvetrees?
- Have you been gossiping to Mabel?

The truth will out.
That's what I always say.

Get on with your work.

Morning, all.

Why is your dustbin
full of broken crockery?

Mrs Lipton's been using Mr Stokes
for target practice.

That will do, Mabel.

- Any chance of a cup of tea?
- We're a bit short of saucers.

Ivy? Tell James to hurry up with the
eggs. I've sounded the breakfast gong.

Mr Twelvetrees? Mr Stokes says would
you mind hurrying up with the eggs.

I'm going as fast as I can, Ivy.

And tell Mr Twelvetrees not to forget
to flick the fat over the top.

His lordship
does not like his eggs runny.

Oh. And he says don't forget
to flick the fat over the top.

I know perfectly well
how his lordship likes his eggs.

- Good morning, m'Iord.
- Morning, Stokes.

Thank you.

- Your Times, sir.
- Thank you. Where's James?

He's cooking breakfast, sir.
And I do not recommend the porridge.

- May I suggest some Grape-Nuts?
- Yes, thank you. Very well.

Warm milk, cold milk or cream, sir?

Er, warm, I think.

- Morning, Daddy.
- Morning.

- Morning, George.
- Morning.

Porridge is a little lumpy today.

Lumpy?
It's like bally paperhanger's paste.

James cooked it.

Well, you can't be good
at everything.

I think I'll just have
coffee and toast.

There's no bally kedgeree.

Mrs Lipton had to take
to her bed, sir.

Bally cheek!

It's bad enough
smashing all those plates.

Now there's no kedgeree.

We've got to get rid of her, Daddy.
They're all getting very slack downstairs.

Except you, Stokes.
And of course James.

We need a serious talk about Mrs
Lipton. See you in my study afterwards.

Poppy, order another dinner service
from the Army and Navy.

- Morning, family.
- Morning, Cissy.

- Just coffee for me, please, Stokes.
- Miss.

Must you go through your post
at the breakfast table?

Sorry, but this is important.
It's the proof of my leaflet.

What leaflet?

The party want me to stand
as councillor in the by-election.

I'm glad one member of my family's
taking life seriously.

- Let's have a look.
- Politics. How boring.

Jolly nice photo.
You look just like your mother.

It's funny, Alderman and Bavistock
didn't mention you were standing.

And why has he printed in red?

United Workers Party?

Oh, my God!

No! No!

No!

I'll get your brandy, m'Iord.

Don't be upset, Daddy.
She won't get in.

What do you want to get mixed up with
them for? They're all bally Bolsheviks.

- It's time we did something for the poor.
- Do you feel better?

- I shall be all right in a minute.
- Old age pension, 12 and 6 a week?

It'll ruin the country.

Free medicine? 50-hour working week?
Who's going to pay for all this?

You are. We shall raise the income tax.

- I forbid it!
- Keep your hair on.

You're going to get on that telephone
and resign at once.

I am sorry, Daddy. I am over 21
and I will do what I like.

Not in my house.

If that's the way you feel about it,
I shall move in with Penelope.

Cissy, please. Think of your father.

What are they going to say in the club?

I shall be ostracised.

Poor Daddy. Sitting in the library
all alone and no one will talk to him.

No one talks in the library anyway.

It's like a tomb.

Do you realise I'm within that much

of being asked to join
the board of governors on the BBC?

Far be it for me
to come between you and the BBC.

I shall go and stay with Penelope.

- I'm sorry about that, Stokes.
- Never you mind. Stick to your guns.

The workers need all the help
they can get.

Mrs Lipton? It's me, Ivy.

Go away.

I've brought you a nice cup of tea.

- Now, drink it while it's hot.
- Thank you, Ivy.

- Would you like something to eat?
- No, I couldn't touch a thing.

Oh, I'm so ashamed!

I don't know what came over me.

All those beautiful plates.

We've still got four or five left.

40 years I've served this house,
ever since I was a young kitchen maid,

and I've hardly broken a thing.

You'll have to pay for it all,
I suppose.

Of course. All breakages have to be
deducted from wages. You know that.

You won't have to pay
if they give you the sack.

The sack?

Oh, how shameful.

His lordship
would never give me a reference.

Oh, I'm sure he will.
Anyone can make a little mistake.

Mind you, 14 plates, three saucers
and five cups is quite a big one.

Miss Poppy has given me the list.
Dinner plates, saucers, cups.

It comes to over £50.

- What came over Mrs Lipton?
- I don't know the full facts of the case,

but I gather it was a domestic matter.

It appears that some man promised
to marry her and let her down.

What a beast.

Really? I'd no idea
Mrs Lipton had any followers.

A very secretive woman. It would seem
this man came here with another woman.

She lost control and threw
the first thing that came to hand.

And 15 more after that.

These cooks are very temperamental,
sir.

What a sordid story.

Yes, indeed, sir.

Miss Poppy thinks I should sack her.

You can't do that, George.

I've known her since
I was a little boy.

She was only a young girl then.

The shiny, scrubbed face,

starched apron.

Daddy would do anything for her.

Perhaps you're right. We can't sack her
but she ought to pay for the breakages.

It would take her months. She is trying
to save for when she's old and infirm.

Let her off. You can afford it.

All very well for you to say. What if all
staff started throwing crockery about?

- I can assure you that won't happen.
- All right. We'll let her off just this once.

And I'll have to give her
a good talking to.

- Would you like me to take care of that?
- Thank you.

You've handled this very well.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a
man who exploits a kind woman like her.

Hear, hear.

Come in.

Blanche? What are you doing?

I'm leaving.
My life's in ruins thanks to you.

Why? What have I done?

Don't act the innocent, Alf Stokes.

You took advantage of me.

You borrowed money.
You strung me along,

saying that you were going to divorce
your wife and marry me.

And all I've got to show for it
is a brass curtain ring.

Forget about all that.

Forget about it?
I'm out on the streets after 40 years

with no references.

Calm yourself, Blanche.

Let's deal with your problems
one by one.

- Firstly, you're not out on the street.
- What?

I pleaded with his lordship
on your behalf.

It was not easy. I practically
had to go down on my hands and knees.

But I've talked him round. And he's
prepared to overlook it just this once.

Oh, what a relief.

Oh, thank you, Alf. I'll pay back
every penny for those plates.

How much do you think it'll be?

His lordship said £70.

That's a lot of money, Alf.
It's more than I thought.

They were very valuable plates,
Blanche. Hand-painted.

Well, I'll... I'll go and make arrangements
at the post office this afternoon.

That will not be necessary, Blanche.

I have paid his lordship in full
on your behalf.

Oh, Alf.

It's the least I could do.

I owed you 63 pounds, seven and six,
and you had been very patient.

That now means you owe me
six pounds, 12 and six.

Any time'II do. Next week, the week after,
but don't let it worry you.

Oh... Oh, you darling boy!

How I've misjudged you.

Oh, just a minute. Where did you
get the money from to pay it off?

It was that bookie who welched on me.

He's suddenly come up trumps
and settled the debt.

There always seems to be someone
around the corner to save your bacon.

If only you were a free man.

Ah, yes. Dreams.

But my wife will never divorce me.

You've heard it
with your own pretty ears.

Yes. She says she loves you.

And so do I.

There's no reason why it should
change things between us, Blanche.

What are you suggesting?

Well, you and me.

Carry on, like,
as though nothing had happened.

Oh, no!

Oh, the humiliation of it!

First the plates, and then you tell me
you want me to be your fancy woman.

How much more shame and suffering
can I endure?

Yes, well, we'll talk about it later.

I expect you'll be coming down to start
on those cakes for the hungry orphans.

I wish you'd sit down, George.

I can't. All that unpleasantness
at breakfast with Cissy.

On top of that,
I haven't heard a word from Agatha.

Oh, come off it, George. Let's face it.

Agatha is nothing more
than a high-class tart.

How dare you? She's a titled lady.

All right, then. A high-class titled tart.

And how about you
with Madge Cartwright's maid Rose?

Oh. Don't even mention her name in
the same breath as that painted hussy.

You're going too far, Teddy.

Now, look. You're forcing me
to marry Madge Cartwright

even though
I'm in love with her maid Rose.

You're obsessed with Lady Agatha. And
that's all right, because she's got a title.

But I'm not allowed to be obsessed with
Rose because she's only a servant.

It all comes down to breeding, Teddy.

Think what Rose will look like
in 20 years' time.

With Madge Cartwright,
it is 20 years' time.

Well, Daddy, I'm off now.
Sorry we had that bust-up.

But you must realise
I cannot allow you to control my life.

I wasn't trying to. I was trying to get
you to behave in a responsible manner.

You must realise. Everyone in this family
must behave in a responsible manner.

Except George.

You keep out of this, Teddy. You must
try and see it from my point of view.

What will they think at the club when
they hear my daughter is a Bolshevik?

I am not a Bolshevik, Daddy. I'm just
trying to do something for the poor.

My God, what a mess. A brother
who keeps getting servants in trouble

and a daughter who's a socialist.

- And a mistress who's a high-class tart!
- How dare you say such a thing?

Even if it is the truth.

- Goodbye, Daddy.
- Cissy... Please don't go.

I'm sorry, Daddy. I must.

I do love you.

Has your father upset you, Miss Cissy?

Yes, Ivy. A bit.

Why don't you go back in there, give him
a big kiss and tell him you're stopping?

I'm sorry, Ivy. I can't.

Well, shall I carry your case
for you, Miss?

It's all right. I can manage.

Miss Cissy?

Goodbye, Miss.

Goodbye, Ivy.

Anyhow, his lordship's taken my advice
and he won't sack Miss Lipton.

I reckon we could have done
with a new cook.

Mrs Lipton's getting very heavy-handed
with her dumplings.

She's getting very heavy-handed
with my head.

But not as heavy-handed as you,
Mr Twelvetrees.

Miss Cissy's gone.

I'm going to miss her.

She was the only one you could talk to.

Mind you, I don't see
how she can represent the workers

with a posh accent and an eyeglass.

She'll soon realise
you can't help these people.

What happened when they built those
flats in Hammersmith?

Each one had a bathroom, and what did
they use them for? To put coal in.

What did they do,
wash in the coal scuttle?

Miss Poppy.

Oh, I see.
Having tea again, are we?

Why is it every time I come down here,
you're lounging around having tea?

With respect, Miss Poppy,
we always have a break at 11:00.

Well, the break is now over. I want to
tell you about tonight's dinner party.

Where's the cook?

She's upstairs, Miss. She's very upset.

She's upset? My father's the one
who should be upset.

All those beautiful plates. She's
jolly lucky not to have got the sack.

Pay attention, everyone.
There'll be seven for dinner tonight.

I will inform Mrs Lipton
when she comes down, Miss Poppy.

That will be the family,
Miss Cartwright, the bishop,

and my special guest.

Now, are there any questions?

Any chance of a cuppa... Oh.

- What do you want?
- This is Constable Wilson.

- He looks after us.
- And I bet he looks after himself as well.

Are you another one
who's on the scrounge?

Oh, you've finally consented
to come down, then, Mrs Lipton?

- Sorry, Miss Poppy.
- Stokes will tell you about dinner.

Yes, Miss Poppy.

Ivy, James, I want to see you
in the study in five minutes.

Yes, Miss Poppy.

Oh, and Mrs Lipton, try to be a little
imaginative with your menu tonight.

We don't want your usual stodge.

Stodge?

Oh, no. Not again.

If you ask me, there are people round
here who could do with a spanking.

I hope you're not referring to me,
Constable Wilson.

My old man tried it once,

and in two shakes of a Iamb's tail,
I had him flat on the floor.

Well, variety's the spice of life.
That's what I always say.

Come in.

Here's the china I want
from the Army and Navy stores.

They're expecting you.

Yes, Miss Poppy.

Be careful how you carry it. If you
break it, you have to pay for it.

- Yes, Miss Poppy.
- Will that be all, miss?

Don't you want to know
who my special guest is?

None of my business, miss.

But you're curious, aren't you?

His name's Richard Metcalfe.

He's terribly handsome,
terribly rich.

His father owns half of Ceylon
and he's absolutely gaga about me.

That's nice for you, Miss Poppy.

You may go.

Not you, James.

Aren't you just
a teeny bit jealous, James?

In my position, I could hardly
presume to be jealous, Miss.

Then you obviously are.

You can't hide it.

You can't hide anything from me.

That's all. You may go.

Thank you, Miss.

- What did she say?
- Never you mind, Ivy.

The little cat.

Ivy, please.

Well, she is.

"He's terribly handsome, terribly rich,
and he's absolutely gaga about me."

You should not make fun
of your betters, Ivy.

How can she be better
when she behaves so badly?

She's very confused, Ivy.

She's not confused.
She just enjoys humiliating you.

You deserve better than that.

There's a wide gulf
between the hand people deserve

and the hand fate deals them.

Oh, he is pompous.

But I do love him.

What are you doing, Mrs Lipton?

Preparing six plates of tapioca pudding
for Lady Lavender.

Seems a little foolhardy.

She asked for them.
I couldn't talk her out of it.

Don't worry. I'll follow you with a cloth
and give you a wipe when you come out.

I think, Henry,
you should go up with Ivy

and hold the door
so she gets out quickly.

I know she'll throw them at me
and this is my last apron.

Maybe she wants to eat it.

I read in the paper
about a man in Chicago

who ate a hundred plates
of baked beans.

That's why they call it the windy city.

Now, don't forget, Henry. Hold the door
open wide so I can get out quick.

Sure you wouldn't like me
to take 'em in for you?

No, I'll have to change
at teatime anyway.

Now, knock on the door.

- Come in.
- Oh, shut up. Come in.

Oh, shut up. Come in.

I brought your tapioca puddings,
Lady Lavender.

All right, girl.
Put it down over there.

See you later.

I made it.

Come back at once.

Pretend you haven't heard her.

I can't. I'll have to go back.

We who are about to die salute you.

- Yes, Lady Lavender?
- Come in, girl.

Right in.

Stand still, girl.
What's the matter with you?

You're going to throw the puddings
at me, aren't you?

No. You're too young and agile.

You always dodge. It's so boring.

Will there be anything else,
m'Iady?

Yes, send Mrs Lipton up.

I want to congratulate her
on her tapioca.

It's so smooth and creamy.

Yes, Lady Lavender.

There isn't any jam on them.
Ask her to bring up two pots.

One strawberry, one apricot.

I picked you some parsley,
Mrs Lipton.

Thank you, Mr Twelvetrees.

We don't often see you
sitting down in the middle of the day.

I expect you'll start on them cakes
for the orphanage soon.

I'm too upset.

But what about the poor orphans?

They'll have to make do
with bread and marge.

I just don't know
how I'm going to carry on.

I've had so much humiliation.

All those broken plates, and
Miss Poppy calling my food stodge.

Don't forget Thursday
when all them soufflés went flat.

Come along. Get your hat and coat on.
We're going to collect those plates.

Yes, Mr Twelvetrees. When you've
finished crying, Mrs Lipton,

Lady Lavender wants to see you.

She'd like to congratulate you
on your tapioca puddings.

There you are.
Someone appreciates your cooking.

Oh, how nice.

And she says would you take up
two pots of your delicious jam,

one strawberry and one apricot.

- Oh, yes. Of course.
- Hurry up, Ivy.

Oh, just coming.

Ooh! Wait a minute.
We haven't had us dinners.

I can't help that. Come along.

Have you got the jam?

- Yes.
- Come in.

Why are you locking the door,
m'Iady?

This house is full of nosy people.

They'd love to see
how much tapioca I eat.

But they're not going to.

Oh. I see.

Now. I want one spoonful
of strawberry jam on those two,

and one spoonful of strawberry jam and
one spoonful of apricot on those two.

Oh, you really do make
the most delicious jam, Mrs Lipton.

Thank you, m'Iady.

And what about...

- What about these two, m'Iady?
- I'll have them plain.

Ah. Will that be all, m'Iady?

Yes.

What a lovely clean apron you have on.

Thank you, m'Iady.

Er... The door seems to be locked.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Is there enough jam on the puddings,
m'Iady?

Well, we'll soon find out.

Cor! Look at that!

I can't remember the last time
I had a nice slice of York ham.

Dollop of mustard.

Mrs Lipton's not here so I'm going
to cut you off a thick slice.

Get a plate and a knife and fork.

Ooh. What a day this has been.

A great big chunk of cherry cake.

And now ham.

Here you are, Mabel. Tuck in.

Cor. Lovely.

Are you gonna give her a glass of
Chateau Lafite to wash it down with?

- Why not?
- Ooh! Paradise!

I can't go on!

This is the final humiliation.

Six plates of tapioca she threw at me.

Come on, Mrs Lipton. Sit down.
Henry, get the smelling salts.

- What's Mabel doing eating my ham?
- She's not. I cut it for you.

I couldn't find smelling salts.
Will pickled onions do?

Why have we come in here?

As we haven't had lunch, I thought we'd
have a snack. There's a table there.

It looks ever so expensive.
I've only brought threepence.

Don't worry about that. I shall pay.

- Mind the china, Ivy.
- I'll put it on this spare chair here.

It'll be safe here.

It's ever so nice of you to pay
for my tea, Mr Twelvetrees.

That's quite all right. Order anything you
like as long as it's not beyond a shilling.

Each or the two of us.

- Each.
- Ooh...

Pot of tea for two, sixpence.

Oh, that leaves 1 and 6.
Ooh, I'm ever so hungry.

Oh, what's that girl eating over there?

Oh, two poached eggs
and a Welsh rabbit.

Sit down at once. You're making
an exhibition of yourself.

Here.
Two poached eggs on a Welsh rarebit.

That comes to 1 and 8.
We can't afford it.

Good afternoon. Tea for two?

Yes, please.
And two Welsh rarebits without eggs.

Can we have a cake? We've got enough.

- Later, Ivy.
- Yeah. We'll have a cake later.

Thank you.

Ooh, what a lovely place.

Careful!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's real china, you know.
Very valuable. Hand-painted.

- Ivy!
- Cook chucked the last lot at the butler.

It went all over the place.
You've never seen anything like it.

We got the new lot from the Army and
Navy stores. You can see, can't you?

- Lovely shop. Have you been?
- Ivy!

They say you can buy anything
there from a pin to an elephant.

I shouldn't think they'd have an elephant
in stock. You'd have to order it special.

Ivy! Sit still and be quiet.

The whole world
does not wish to know our business.

Well, he seemed quite interested.

Here you are. Tea for two.

Will your lady friend pour?

- Er... Yes.
- And two Welsh rarebits.

Thank you.

- Shall we order the cakes?
- No, later.

We'll order the cakes later.

She thinks I'm your lady friend.
Do you mind?

What some woman who runs a tea shop
thinks is of no concern to me, Ivy.

Yes, I suppose you're right.

Erm... One lump or two?

One, please.

Please. It's going on the saucer.

Sorry.

Ooh, that's lovely.

You can't beat a good cup of tea.
That's what I say.

Please do not hold your cup like
a navvy. Use one hand only like this.

Close your little finger.

It won't shut.

Get on with your Welsh rarebit.

Ivy, what are you doing with your knife?

I'm cutting my Welsh rarebit up.

You're holding it like a pen. Any person
properly brought up never does that.

You hold it like this.

Oh, like a screwdriver.

Would you like some more hot water?

No, thank you.
Two portions of cherry cake.

You eat far too quickly, Ivy.

Hello, Sunshine Pantry.

Hello, Miss Potter.
The Stokes Cake Company here.

Oh, thank goodness you've called.
I'm waiting for you to deliver the cakes.

We've practically run out.

Yes, well, there's been a bit of a hitch.
Our chef's been took queer.

Oh, dear. I hope it's nothing serious.

Oh, no. He'll be all right.
I'll probably be able to deliver tomorrow.

Oh, what a relief.

Mmm. This cherry cake's lovely.
It's just like Mrs Lipton's.

We'd better be going. You ask
for the bill. I want to wash my hands.

It's just behind that curtain.

I'm well aware. Do not advertise to
the whole tea shop that I am washing.

Sorry.

Erm... Excuse me.

- Can we have the bill, please?
- Yes, certainly.

- Did you enjoy your tea?
- Oh, this cherry cake's lovely.

I'm sorry.
There wasn't very much selection.

Our suppliers, the Stokes Cake
Company, couldn't deliver today.

Stokes Cake Company?

They're excellent.
A very high-class firm.

They deliver in a Rolls-Royce.

What's Mr...

What's Mr Stokes look like?

Oh, thick-set gentleman.

Always dresses like a butler.

Afternoon. Any chance of a cup of tea?

Help yourself, Constable.

Mabel? What are you doing
sitting down and eating?

Mrs Lipton's taken to her bed so
Mabel's stuffing herself fit to burst.

Make hay while the sun shines.
That's what I always say.

It's no good. She's locked her door
and she won't answer it.

Who's gonna cook dinner?

Why don't we open a tin of salmon

and muck it about a bit
with some tomato sauce and stuff?

Well, I can't cook. I can't remember
the last time I had anything to cook with.

Ooh. Oh, Mr Twelvetrees,
you'll never guess what's happened.

It's a disaster.

I'm glad you're back, James. Mrs Lipton
is indisposed, so you're cooking dinner.

Don't be absurd.

There's nobody else. Ivy'II help you.

I can't.
I can only cook plain food, very plain,

and sometimes burnt.

There you are, James.
Start making out the menu.

What's your first course?

I just told you. A tin of salmon mucked
about with tomato sauce and stuff.

Mouse, they call it.

Henry, shut up.

Mrs Oliver at number 30
makes a wonderful first course.

They call it
sole veronica or something.

She'd do anything for Mrs Lipton.
They all would.

They stick together.
It's the code of the cooks.

I tell you what. Make out a menu and
I'll tell you who does each course best.

I know. I've tried 'em all.

You're right. They can cook it, you can
bring it round, James can hot it up.

And you can take his place
and wait on t'table, Henry.

That'd be a good experience for me.
Be a good experience for everybody.

- Dad, I want to speak to you.
- Not now. We've got a crisis going on.

James and I had tea
at the Sunshine Pantry this afternoon.

Oh. Did you enjoy it?

Yes. Especially the cherry cake.

Was it as good as Mrs Lipton's?

It was Mrs Lipton's.

The game's up, Dad.

How could you? Telling Mrs Lipton
those cakes are for the orphans

and then taking money for them?

- I gave all the money to Mrs Lipton.
- You owed it to her.

Don't be pernickety. She's got
all the money and she loves cooking.

Dad, it's got to stop now.

Does James know?

No, but if you don't stop now, I'll
tell him, and he'll tell his lordship.

You mean you'd shop your own father?

It's the only way.

But I can't stop now.

Constable Wilson
has given me a wonderful idea.

I'll organise all the cooks in the street
and tell them it's for the orphans.

I'll be able to supply half the tea shops
in London. I'll make a fortune.

You are mad, Dad.

Mad with greed. If you don't stop,
I'll go to his lordship meself.

You'll regret that decision, Ivy.

The Stokes Cake Company
could have been your inheritance.

- Miss Cissy.
- Hello, Stokes.

Oh, Miss Cissy. I'm so glad
to see you back. What happened?

Penelope's father chucked me out,
damn cheek.

Will you be staying the night?

That depends on Daddy. Is he in?

Yes, miss.

Wish me luck.

Hello, Daddy.

My dear girl.

I'm so glad to see you.

Don't start getting all sloppy,
Daddy.

- Are you back for good?
- Yes.

If you'll have me.

But I'm still going to stand
for the United Workers Party.

I suppose there's one in every family.
What made you come back?

Penelope's father chucked me out,
actually.

Damn cheek. Who does he think he is?

For two pins, I'd go round there
and punch him on the nose.

It's what you expect from a man
who made his money out of paint.

You made your money out of rubber.

Yes. And lots of other things.

Anyhow, I'm in the House of Lords.

As soon as Miss Poppy's guest arrives,

James'II go downstairs
and I'll announce dinner.

- Do I look all right?
- Very nice.

Now, don't forget, Henry.
Keep your place at all times.

And don't speak
unless you're spoken to.

And if at all possible,
not even then.

I can assure you, Mr Stokes, I am
perfectly capable of talking proper

should the occasion arise.

Don't be clever.

Are we seeing your friend Jerry
for dinner, Poppy?

Bit out of date there, Charles.
She's got some new chap in tow.

- Do I know him?
- I don't think so.

He's spent most of his life in Ceylon. His
name's Dickie Metcalfe. He's gorgeous.

What a lovely word. Gorgeous. It sounds
as if you've got a mouthful of ice cream.

That sums him up perfectly.
Smooth and delicious.

And a bit of a clot.

There he is at last.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.

- Hello, Dickie.
- Sorry I'm late. Damn motor didn't start.

I had to come in a cab.

Dickie, please! Not in front of the
footman and maid. What will they think?

Come in and meet Daddy.

Oh, Dickie, darling. When you put your
hand on me, I go all goose-pimply.

This is Dickie, everyone.

She did that deliberately.

That will do, Ivy.

Tell Mr Stokes I am going down
to attend to the dinner.

- James has gone down.
- Right. I'll announce dinner.

Henry, stand by.
And remember what I told you.

Very good, Mr Stokes.

You sound just like Noel Coward.

- Dinner is served, m'Iord.
- You and Charles lead the way, Cissy.

My dear, you're quite right.
He is gorgeous!

Cor! That soup smells lovely.

I hope there's some left over.

Put it in the lift, Mabel,
and pull it up.

Here's the sole veronica.

Haven't you got
that soup served yet?

Miss Poppy's guest was late.

Shove this in the oven
under a very low light.

Oh, lower than that. We don't want
the sauce to get a skin on it.

Then you put the beans on.
When they come to the boil,

I'll go round to number 18
and collect the Iamb forestière.

What wine
are you serving with the Iamb?

The Margaux.

That'll clash with the mint sauce.

I'd have served the Richebourg myself.

His lordship.

Thank you. Thank you.

By Jove, that's hot.

I think it will prove satisfactory
if you blow on it a time or two, Vicar.

I hope the food will be all right. Our cook
has taken ill, and the footman is chef.

One has such trouble
with servants these days.

I thought I had a treasure in my Rose
but she's been very tearful recently.

I strongly suspect that some man
has got the wretched girl into trouble.

Here's the Iamb chops forestière.
How's it going?

Well, we cleared away the soup
and the sole's gone up.

Mabel!

Coming, Mr Twelvetrees.

And there I was
dangling out of the bedroom window.

That's very good, George. I must
remember to tell the archbishop.

Oh, on second thoughts, perhaps not.

Shall we join the ladies?

There it was
dangling out of the bedroom window.

That was a most wonderful meal,
George.

I sent for James so we can
congratulate him. Come and sit, Dickie.

You sent for me, Miss Poppy.

Yes, James. We all want to congratulate
you on a most excellent meal.

You've far exceeded your duties
as a footman.

But that wouldn't be the first time,
would it?

I do believe you did that deliberately,
Dickie!

That will be all, James.

And there it was
dangling out of the window.

I reckon we can manage
without Mrs Lipton.

We could do this every day
and split her wages between us.

Don't start, Mr Stokes.

Mabel, have you finished the
washing up? It's time you were going.

Just off, Mr Stokes.

Hello. It's me, Ivy.

It's been quite a day, hasn't it?

Constable Wilson did a grand job
with his Iamb chops in the forest.

But I'm glad James got the credit
cos he's ever so clever.

Oh, there's just one thing.
I wish he'd pay more attention to me.

Good night, Ivy.
See you in the morning.

Ooh... Good night, Mr Twelvetrees.

Oh, well. It's a start, I suppose.

Good night.

Good night, Dorothy.

♪ From Mayfair to Park Lane

♪ You will hear this same refrain

♪ In every house again, again

You rang m'lord?

♪ Stepping out on the town

♪ The social whirl goes round and round

♪ The rich are up, the poor are down

You rang, m'lord?

♪ The bunny hug at The Shim-Sham Club

♪ The Charleston at The Ritz

♪ And at the Troc, do the turkey trot

♪ They give Aunt Maud a thousand fits

♪ Talking flicks are here today

♪ And Lindbergh's from the USA

♪ Poor Valentino's passed away... ♪

How sad, m'lord.

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