You (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Last Nice Guy In New York - full transcript

Previously on You...

Everyone just calls me Beck.

And you're Joe...

Goldberg.

A guy needs to protect himself.

And your name
was a glorious place to start.

The next thing our little friend
the Internet gave me was your address.

Professor Leahy.

Professor Obvious wants
to sleep with you.

Your friends are disloyal.
And that Peach is the queen.

How broke are you?



Benjamin J. Ashby.

Greenwich-born, boarding-school bred.

God, you make me insane.

I think I know you.

Oh, the... Right.
Of course.

You're smart.

Except in the ways you are really not.
Like not locking your phone.

- ...we could get a drink sometime?
- Sure.

What you really need
is someone to save you.

Man, I'm thinking maybe...

- Whatever you think I did...
- I can help, Beck.

...you got the wrong guy.

Let me help you.

Tonight's the night, Beck.



Our first date.

It just feels right. Right?

I'm looking forward to it.

And I think, obvious hangover aside,
you are, too.

But I've read people wrong in the past.

One day, I'll tell you about Candace.

Every red flag I was blind to.
How destroyed I was.

What can I say? We all have baggage.

But I feel like
I'm dealing with it the right way.

I'm not bothering you, just checking in.

Hanging with you like this is, admittedly,
honing skills I never knew I'd need.

But hey, handy.

You can't afford new clothes,
but let's be real,

you'd look perfect in a potato sack.

Not a criticism, God knows I am, too,
but you seem distracted.

Of course, a new phone.

Not sure how you went 24 hours
without one.

As you activate your new friend there,

I know you think you're also
deactivating your old one.

But here's where you're wrong.

Your old phone, which I have,
is still logged into the cloud.

And that means I'm still logged into you.

Sci-fi movies are so wrong.
Technology is our friend.

You've reached Benji.
Leave some love. Namaste.

Hey. Look, you haven't texted back.
Just let me know you're okay, okay?

That's all I ask.
This is really annoying, Benji.

It is annoying.

You're not thinking about us,
you're thinking about him.

I kind of thought
I took care of that for you, Beck.

Wanna start off the class
this morning?

Sure.

Good. My last TA was like
a little mouse, afraid of public speaking.

- It's my job.
- Well, lucky us, you're good at it.

So, we're still on for tomorrow?
Drinks, poetry?

Nothing, if not up for both of those.

They came for the big day.
Want me to move 'em down to the basement?

No, I'll do that.
Just get started on the window display.

Hey, I was thinking about making cookies
for hashtag, release day.

Amanda Chantal Bacon has a dope recipe
in Moon Juice Cookbook:

Cook Cosmically
for Body, Beauty, and Consciousness.

- Kill me.
- Sounds great, Ethan.

Oh, and, uh, that kid is back.

Paco?

Hey, speed-reader.

- Hi, Joe.
- What're you reading?

This book about werewolves the girls
in my class won't stop talking about.

It's more about love stuff
than werewolf stuff.

There's... It should be right up here.

Uh, yeah, it's right here. Here, try this.

Frankenstein?

Yeah, the monster is really cool
and scary,

but also not really the monster.

What does that mean?

Just read it, you can tell me.
Ethan's got snacks, hit him up.

Let me the hell out of here!

Now!

Settle down, Benji. Let's talk.

Okay, granted, I didn't think...

...too far ahead
when I swung that mallet.

I just knew Benji was
the worst kind of poison.

The kind you know is bad,
but can't stop taking.

So I did what I had to do
to help you, Beck.

And now there is an adult human male
in the basement of this bookstore.

Somebody!

The basement's soundproof.

The owner loved to read in peace
down here. I'm sorry.

I told you, I don't know who you are.
I don't know why I'm here. I swear.

Confession: I have no idea
what to do with him now.

I'm gonna give you
my family lawyer's number.

He'll get you paid.

Of course he thinks I want money.

You know who my father is?

Benjamin Ashby II, hedge fund manager?

We have a jet.
We'll send you anywhere in the world.

Best case, that's somewhere
far away from you, Beck.

Worst case, that ends with prison time.
Not an option.

It's a poppy seed bagel. Extra schmear.

Go to hell. I don't eat gluten.

It's an allergy, okay? That shit is real.

Gluten, dairy...
If I ate a peanut, I could die.

Oh, well, gosh,
whatever can I get you?

Just, like, a bare burger
wrapped in chard. Or I could do sushi.

- Sushi?
- My diet is limited.

Please?

Whoever you are, you're not a killer.

Oh, how I wish I was.
This'd be much less complicated.

Let me out of here.
I won't say anything to anyone.

He doesn't even know my name.
I can figure this out.

I'm claustrophobic. My blood sugar's low.

Is this sugar?

I found it in your wallet,

along with three bars of Xanax, Adderall,
half a sheet of, uh, acid, is it?

Whatever. It's not even for me.
I network. I own a business.

That's right. Home Soda.

It's artisanal. It's gonna blow up.

Is it?

Do your investors know you do heroin?

Or, uh, your father?
How about your girlfriend?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Oh, shit!

That's where I know you from.

You were in the cab! Beck's cab!

She, uh... She said your name.
It's Jimmy. No.

This is Joe. He literally saved my life.

It's Joe!

Now, that's a complication.

Do not tell me that you're doing this
because of Beck.

She's not my girlfriend.
You can have her. Take her.

Careful, Benji. Not winning any points.

If you knew her,
you would not be putting me in a cage

and ruining your life
over Guinevere goddamn-Beck!

If you want out, you'll do what I want.

The days of being with a man
who doesn't value you, those are over.

If we can get over the first date hump.

Can't help it, worried about Benji.

That's why it's crucial
Benji's out of your picture.

Please.
He's off getting shitfaced.

Or he's in some kind of trouble.

What we have right now
is just a little spark.

Every choice is a message.

With Candace,
I always felt like I was pushing.

But now I realize... Can't force it.

The timing. The spark.

So, you tell me
if you're too distracted, Beck.

You decide.

Sure. Looking forward.
Free at 6:00.

So, it was just one of those
cheesy diaries with a lock,

but I couldn't stop writing.

I just... I felt better having it all down
on paper, you know?

And then I did this little
creative writing assignment

and it just blew my teacher's mind.

She acted like it was the best thing
she'd ever read...

Honestly, part of me thought
this date would never come,

and now it feels so easy, so right.

This is how our story goes, Beck.

And here I am.

Sometimes you just...
You do things on instinct,

because you have to,
and then you scramble. You know?

Yeah, I kind of know.

I totally didn't google you, but if I did,

I might discover
you aren't on social media?

Fact: It renders you
insanely vulnerable with zero upside.

I'm an old-fashioned guy.
I like real life.

And what about your job?

Bookstore manager
or international super-spy? Which is...

I mean, is that your goal, or...

I know I'm in a city full of people
with big, fat, neon-sign aspirations,

and I know it's not cool to say,
and it's not big and flashy...

but I love books.

And I want my life to be about
what I actually love.

Yeah, I get that.

Uh, sorry,
just a second. Okay?

Yeah, go ahead.

Hey.

Yeah, I know it's serious, Peach.
I'm the one who told you I was worried.

Okay, yes, I'm coming.

I'm sorry, I, uh... I have to go.
This friend, he just...

Apparently he had to go meet someone,
and never came back. It's worrying.

We can pick it up some other time
if you have to...

All right. Thank you.

I hope your friend is okay.

Thought I'd done it.
Gotten Benji out of our way.

Looks like I have to finish the job.

To figure out what to do

with the poster-boy
for white male privilege in the cage,

I need to understand who he truly is.

And to do that,
I need to know what he cares about.

This is totally unfair.

If I knew you were gonna quiz me,

I'd have put more recent books
on the list.

So, bottom line, you've never even read
On the Road.

It's very possible to read a book

without having to read it
in the traditional manner.

You can read about a book.

Yeah, I get it.

You're a fraud.

Give me the stupid book.

I'll read it right now,
you sadistic prick.

Anything to get me out of here.

I do understand
something about you now, Beck.

You somehow think this guy
is all you deserve.

You're looking
a little gray and mealy in there.

Yeah, no shit. You stole my stash!

I thought it wasn't for you.

Fine. You happy? It's mine.

I'm a chipper.

I never do it more than three days
in a row. And I'm quitting.

Okay. Only if you're quitting.

Doesn't work that way.
There's only one way.

Thank you. Thank you.

Just one more thing.

Password?

Leanna.

L-E-A-N-N-A.

His phone lock is
another girl's name, Beck. Jesus Christ!

Well, he's been
living a frankly off-brand life

for a guy who markets health soda.

Based on the evidence,
not missing you when you're gone.

You don't mean anything to him.

Say cheese.

I was worried. I called his mother.
We were about to call the police.

And he's high in some random shitberg
in Massachusetts,

according to his geolocation.

Don't say geolocation.
You're not a stalker.

At least we know he's fine.
Just being the worst.

So we're all gonna go
try that new bar tonight, right? In SoHo.

You are such a lush.

Shit! I can't go. I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to have drinks
with my thesis advisor.

- Ooh!
- Ah!

Ugh! Scale one to ten, how pervy?

He won an award for a book of poems

that probably has 35 references
to, like, vagina lips, so...

Well,
banging your professor is, like,

- a grad-school rite of passage.
- Is it?

Annika's like the Wikipedia page
for sluts.

Whatever! I banged my bio professor.
It was fine. Notably, I passed the class.

You know, eyes on the prize.
Ovary up, girl.

Beck doesn't want to "ovary up."

He controls my status as a TA.
He could knock me out of my housing.

Or, you could not figure it out
and report him.

I think it only works that way
in the movies.

Whatever. We're seeing you tomorrow.

My party?

Tomorrow's the anniversary
of my parents' divorce.

The party I always have
to distract myself.

Of course, sorry. I'm coming.

One more line, man. Come on.

Just tell me your plan,
and I will help you.

Where is she right now?

She's partying her face off
with Lynn and Annika, right?

Actually, she's about to
meet her thesis advisor, but...

glad to hear you take her seriously.

See, this is what I'm telling you.

You see this hardworking writer-chick.

How could you not?

She's branded the living shit
out of herself across the Internet.

I want you to know,
if I wasn't about to be late to see you,

I would beat this guy bloody
for the way he talks about you.

I'm telling you, this is her thing.

Right now, she's got on red lipstick,

and she's getting ready
to work her professor hard for that A.

I'll see you later, Benji.

Hey. Come back. I'm hungry.

There's a directness.
That's what's special about your work.

So if it's not direct to the bone, cut it.

Thanks, that's, um, really helpful.
And coming from you, it means a lot.

A lot of people
find a direct woman irresistible.

You should lean into that
in your life, as well.

Yeah. Um, easier said than done.

Well, you can always practice on me.
I'm safe.

You really have
nothing to be nervous about.

The world is your bright red apple.

You think he writes these lines
in advance? Like a poem?

I wish I had your confidence.

Putting your work out into the world
is a service.

I'll try and remember that.

I wouldn't tell you
if you weren't talented.

I'm happy to share all my secrets.

So, Beck, maybe it's time to acknowledge
what there is here.

Don't touch me.
That's not sexy, it's repulsive.

- Sorry, but this is not...
- You invited me to.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you flirt brazenly.

You wear clothes so sheer,
I can see your nipples.

- What do you call that?
- That's crazy.

If you want to stay on the safe side
of the plausible deniability zone,

cover your tits,

stop the blowjob eyes and write better.

I like you,
but clearly you're overworked.

It's only right to release you
from the TA position.

No, no, please.

Get some rest.

You're right to be angry.
Some things can't just be allowed to be.

Something has to be done
about someone like him.

Hello?

Hey, where are you?

I'm in the Village.
Maybe we can, uh, finish our talk?

Yeah, I'll be there in 15.

Are you staring at my lipstick?

No, no. No, I'm not. I'm not.
No, it's just different.

I just... I wanted to try something new,
but you're right, it's not really me.

So, why did you call me?

I don't know. Spontaneous impulse.

It's okay.
You'll learn you can tell me anything.

We cut it short last time because
a friend of yours was missing, right?

Oh, God, he's fine. He's just an idiot.

Agree with you there.

But you want to keep it light.
I can do that.

Okay.
This couple here, coming in the door...

What do you think? First date?

Third. She's not sure
she wants to seal the deal.

Hmm.

And those two?

- Where?
- There.

Brink of divorce.

Oh. That's cold.

Okay.

- Oh, that's easy.
- That's us in 30 years.

And that was way too much.

I love that.

Wow. You're in super good shape
for an old guy.

Thank you! And you,
if I may say, are hot as ever.

But in a dignified, age-appropriate way.

It's all the yoga. It keeps me young.

To be honest, Joe,
I'm so happy that you could come tonight.

It's been the worst day.
My thesis advisor, he made a pass at me.

Huh. You're kidding.

The most embarrassing part is,

I actually thought
he believed in me and my work.

This isn't your fault.

Dumb shit like this happens all the time.

Starting to think I'm some kind of magnet
for dudes with serious issues.

So what are you gonna do?
About your thesis advisor.

I don't know. Get through it.

I believe in you.

Hey, do you want to come to a party
with me tomorrow?

Already booking our next date?

It's at a friend, Peach Salinger's.

Like J.D. Salinger?

- I mean, yes.
- Whoa.

- But she doesn't like to talk about it...
- Wow.

...and she's a sweetheart.

Her family's just a little... You know?

Whose isn't?

Mmm. I like yours better.

Let us give thanks to our lord,
Stephen King, who bestoweth books

so that our bookstores
in third-dimensional locations may live.

It's cool how you get in
the monster's POV.

You understand why he does stuff,
almost like it's, um...

Justified?

Yeah. But then it's weird 'cause he's bad,
but not all bad.

Quick Twitter break from Benj.

I mean, maybe Dr. Frankenstein's
the bad one for even making him, right?

Well, I think it's open
to your interpretation.

We ready?

Let's do it, then.
Release the kraken! Hey!

Come on in. Hey, good morning.

Cookies, homemade. Not just for me.
Get a book.

Thank you so much.
Your receipt is in the book.

Thank you so much.

Whoa. We need another box already.

Ethan, could you watch the register
for a second?

Kid ran down to the basement to get it.

- What? No.
- Yeah. I saw him grab your key.

Paco!

Paco!

What did I say?

- I'm sorry.
- I told you not to come down here.

- I just wanted to grab a book.
- Don't be an idiot.

- Why would you do that? Why?
- I'm sorry.

So, what happened
with you and Professor Vag-lips?

Let's just say I better find a better job,
or some kind of housing, or...

I don't know.

Okay, enough of this shit.

Peach, no, I can't...
I can't accept it. Stop.

Look, it's just first,
last and a deposit, okay?

Don't be so noble, okay?
Just take the check and stop stressing.

Here.

Jesus Christ! If you want to kill me,
what the hell are you waiting for?

Why would I want to kill him?
Who wants to kill people?

Three cups. One is your brand, Home Soda.

It's the best, right?

So prove it. Tell me which one it is.

If I get this right, I get a fix?

If you get this right...

I'll let you out.

- I need a palate cleanser.
- Cup two.

Three.

One, two, or three?

I don't know.

Wait! None of them, okay?

They all taste like stale,
cheap drugstore soda. They're not mine.

They're all yours.

That's bullshit!

Home Soda is, obviously.

Let me out of here! Let me out of here!
You psychopath!

Fine. You win! I lose!

We all lose, 'cause what am I gonna do
with this lying sack of shit, Beck?

You want Beck, right?

Let's be clear. She does not want to be
with a guy like you.

I can help you.

No, actually, she invited me
to a party tonight. To Peach Salinger's.

A Salinger party? Uh, Joe.

She's taking you to add texture.

She wants to seem interesting.
Like she hangs out with real folk.

She's deep. She's an artist.

Truth?

Beck will always leave someone like you
for someone who can take her places.

We never made it to a single party 'cause
she couldn't jump on me fast enough.

She's playing you for a chump,
my friend.

So, yeah, it was really bad.

Basically, food poisoning is the reason
why Peach and I are friends.

Puke does bond you.

She show you her ladle?
She's got this red kitchen ladle.

It's a whole call-you-daddy,
spank-me thing.

She's kinky as shit. With me.

Because I'm loaded.
Not you, 'cause who are you?

So, hopefully nothing
gastrointestinal happens,

but I do hope you guys like each other.

You want to change that, you need me.

Shit.

One look and I can tell you,
not my crowd.

What they are
is everything Benji claims you want to be.

Beckalish! Hi.

Hey.

Mwah, mwah.

Thank you.

- Is this Joseph?
- Joe.

Am I just texture here, Beck?

- Now, Joseph...
- Just Joe.

I'm gonna have to borrow our friend here.

So, uh, make yourself at home.
Everyone here is friendly.

Brown people don't bite.

Alumni.

Where'd you go?

I didn't.

- Come on.
- I'm sorry.

Annika Attwater.
Rich and hashtag, carefree,

building a brand
as a body-positive influencer,

which seems to involve wearing
a lot of free stuff on Instagram.

Lynn Lieser.
Publicist. Hashtag, cocktail lover.

Daughter of a surgeon and a tech CEO.

Adopted. Has all the smugness,
none of the angst.

If you have a full set,

each one of them is worth
three times as much for a collector.

You read that one?

Just the first one.

Typical.

You think I need some illiterate
working in my shop?

Hey!

If you want to work in this shop,
you learn the value of these books.

Mr. Mooney, please.

Everything you need is in there.

Let me...

Joseph. There you are.

It's Joe. Just Joe.
This is a lovely collection, Peaches.

It's Peach. And, I mean, you've probably
read more of these books than I have.

A good salesman
has to know his product, right?

So, you met Beck at a bookshop, right?

That's right.

Only in New York.
And then you just happened to meet again.

Casual tone, detective eyes.

Well, it's lucky we did.

She was on the tracks,
at the time.

So I heard. God! Thank goodness for you.

I mean, being in Greenpoint of all places,
at the very right moment.

Oh! It's time for the toast.

So in the time I was in there,
you attract Benji 2.0?

Peach looks thrilled.
Are you thrilled?

What do you want?

So which Beck are you?

The one I see or the one Benji does?

Hey, stranger. How you holding up?
Having fun?

Beck...

Why did you bring me here?

I don't know. I thought it could be fun?

I don't think I have a lot in common
with your other friends.

I like that about you.

I always think I'm gonna
love these things, yet somehow never do.

Then why did we come?

It's been this way since Brown.

It just feels like I'm getting sucked in,
and I could just be me,

yet that somehow never feels
quite good enough.

You know, I stole this dress.
To fit in. Which is pathetic.

I don't know about that.

Not as pathetic as the fact that
Peach wrote me a check to keep me afloat,

which I don't want to cash,
but now I have to.

Look, if you're not one of them,

it's just 'cause stuff didn't
just get handed to you.

- It didn't.
- Right, and when it's like that,

sometimes, to survive...

you have to show some teeth.

And I'm guessing that
yours are pretty sharp.

I'm glad we met. Glad we're friends.

For the love of Christ.

- Joe?
- I know that voice.

Joe Goldberg?

Maddie Johnson. I'm Candace's friend.

Great. Little soon for you
to hear this, Beck, but here we go.

Wow, Maddie, that's crazy.
It's so good to see you.

- Um, this is Beck.
- Hi.

Hey.

So, I heard about you and Candace.

You know, I thought we were pretty happy,

but she thought
she could be happier with...

some guy in Rome, so...
You know, I get it.

She's following her bliss.

It's just how she left so suddenly...

I mean, we were all kind of hurt.

Would you excuse us? My Uber's here.
It was nice to meet you.

I'm sorry. It was good to see you, Maddie.

I just felt like that needed to be over.

Let's get you home.

...be here for Paco.

What could he possibly
need from me...

He needs someone
who isn't drunk, Ron.

How about that?

Geez!

What the hell is wrong with you?
Punching a wall?

You think wrecking the place
is gonna solve our problems?

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.
- It's not okay to yell.

Grown-ups do it all the time.

Grown-ups are assholes.

Some people used to yell at me, too,
you know.

And I don't want to be like them.

I got you something.

I can't take this in the house.

Ron.

So, all the bathrooms in the building
have the same kind of ceiling.

So, go in the bathroom.

The ceiling tiles around the vent
move if you push them.

So you push one, pop the book in there,
slide it closed.

Like a secret hiding place.

Cool.

- Thank you.
- Hmm.

Have a good night, pal.

If you want it, it's here.

You are not responsible
for my feelings, I am.

But for the record, I feel like congealed,
day-old egg rolls right about now.

What was the point of taking me
to that party?

Benji was right.

Benji!

Honestly, I get how he feels.

You left me here to die!
You left me to die!

Enough of this. Just kill me!

Hi.

I, uh...

I just... I want to ask you
to please reconsider.

I need the TA job. I need housing.

Can we, um, maybe discuss placing me
with another advisor?

It's the middle of the term.

I know, um, inconvenient, but it's...
it's really important.

I wish you the best...

but I really can't,
in good conscience, do that.

I understand.

So, I... I guess I'm realizing
I have no choice...

but to share this.

And that is...

Well, it can fit in one tweet.

A list of six women
who have a story about you.

Not hard to find.
Didn't take much asking around.

What's the term again,
harassment or misconduct?

Anyway, they were too scared
to come forward, but then we realized,

it's harder to dismiss seven women
with the same story.

That's not possible.

I've done nothing inappropriate.

You want to make yourself a public liar,
that actually would sink your career.

Blackmail is not something you live down.

You're trying to call my bluff,
but I'm not bluffing.

So, your call.

I've had a lot of time to think
in here.

You're right. I am a fraud.

I've done things worse than you.

And that's how I know.
Joe, you're not a killer.

I'm gonna tell you something,

and once I tell you,

I'll know your worst secret,
and you'll know mine.

Then you can let me go.

He's so shitfaced!

Yeah! He's gonna be a superstar!

Lot of interesting stuff
in Benji's nightstand. But he was right.

The thumb drive
is by far the most interesting.

It started out

your standard-issue frat hazing,
but a certain intensity kicked in.

Blame the coke. Or the homophobia.

Teach this bitch a lesson!
Teach him a lesson!

They all stood there, laughing.

And Benji was the worst,
because he stood there holding the camera.

Dumbass! Wake up, dumbass!

Oh, shit!

Their parents made it go away,
but Benji kept a copy of the video,

I assume to hold over friends' heads.

Instead, I get to hold it over Benji's.

And he doesn't deserve it, but he's right.

It is enough to buy his freedom.

Should I have changed the subject?

On that balcony. Tried to kiss you sooner?

It's not fair,
how easy it is to kill a spark.

It's a miracle love ever happens,
if it's not a myth.

Hi.

Thanks to you,
I showed that professor some teeth.

And?

What's that?

A "thank you" donut.

It worked.

Hmm.

That's good. I'm glad.
I mean, I was worried...

You were right.

And I have housing,
and can rip Peach's check up,

and generally live to fight another day.

And I wouldn't have had the guts
if you hadn't...

So, really, thank you.

All I want to do is help, Beck.

I mean, you saw something in me, and God,

not everyone gets why I'm here,
and what being a writer means.

It's the most... I mean,
it's the only important thing, and...

you helped me to not lose it.

Aren't you gonna look?

See if I guessed the right flavor?

No bullshit. Classic.

Even, old-school, and secretly better than
all those crazy, trying-too-hard ones.

It is nice to be seen.

It's a good guess.

It's good.

Come back here.

So, plain glazed a yes.

Noted.

I have to go to class.

Have a good class, Beck.

Did you get it? The video?

Maple latte, almond milk, two stevia.
Did I get that right?

Yeah. Yeah, I saw the video.

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh!
Mutually assured destruction.

Let's talk about something first, though.

What you said about Beck
basically being a gold digger?

I was just being honest, that's all.

What you are is wrong.

I'd go so far as to say
you create the problem

when you assume this stuff,
when you treat her like trash.

You cast her in a role that isn't her,
and you trap her in it.

Bro, I'm done with her!

Say I can trust you.

I've got the video, right?
I mean, a solid maybe.

The thing is, that doesn't make up
for the damage you've done.

I'm sorry.

If it was between me and you, Benji,
honestly, I would roll the dice.

I would.

Like you said, I'm not a killer...

but this is about her.

I'm telling you.

I'm scared. I'm very scared
of what you would do to her.

Maple almond latte...

two stevia, two tablespoons of peanut oil.

Could've gone either way.

He's lied about so many things.

Who knew? The peanut allergy was real.

I guess Benji's gonna die an honest man.

.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVIII