Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001): Season 6, Episode 12 - The God You Know - full transcript

Xena.

What kind of animal
would do this?

- What do you want, Michael?
- I sense hostility.

I want you to know...
I'm all right with that.

Well, that is big of you.
Considering last time you saw me,

you tried to have me cast down
into Hell.

Desperate times
warrant desperate measures.

As you see...,

some new desperate times
have arrived.

Who did this?

Caligula.



You know his reputation.

He's a psycho...,
a sex addict..., and a murderer.

Your run-of-the-mill
Roman emperor.

- And he thinks he's a god.
- No.

He is a god.

He's immortal?

- But how did that happen?
- I don't know.

What's important...

is that the God of Eli
gave you the power to kill gods.

You're the only one
who can stop Caligula.

He killed Tiberius
in order to gain power...,

murdered every last member
of his family.

He's slain anybody who won't swear
allegiance to his cult of blood.

He wants to write his name
into the history books



as... one of the great gods
of the pantheon.

And he'll destroy anyone
who won't submit to him.

- Including angels, no doubt.
- And, uh..., followers of Eli.

If anything's happened to Eve,
Michael...

Not yet. But your daughter has
the courage of her convictions, Xena.

She's gone to confront
Caligula's persecution.

Eve's in Rome?

If I find out that you're behind
any of this, Michael, I swear, I...

As you well know, Xena...,

your daughter obeys
a higher power than me.

Michael, don't forget.

If I can kill gods...,
I can kill angels too.

Behold before you

the supreme incarnation
of immortality on Earth.

All hail the great god-emperor...,
Caligula...,

who fears nothing...
and cannot be vanquished.

Whoa, whoa, Domastecles.
Good girl.

Do it. Come on.

- My lord.
- Hmm.

- I pray for your mercy.
- Well, praying is good.

Praying could buy you your life...,

as long as your prayers
are only for me...

and my eternal cult of blood.

Emperor. I cannot forsake
my religion.

Then you forsake... your life.
Tie him up.

Come on.

- Let him go.
- Who's this?

Oh. Eve of the Elijans!

You know, I wish I hadn't been away
in the provinces when you were Livia.

I would have enjoyed meeting
the bitch of Rome.

Now I'm the bitch for Rome...

and her people,
through the god of Eli...,

whose love is an unconquerable force
once it has entered the soul.

As his message spreads,
Caligula...,

your days of tyranny are over.

Now I remember
why I love to kill Elijans;

it's the only thing
that shuts them up.

Yah!

- What was that?
- Yah!

Yah! Yah!

- She's coming too fast.
- Yah!

Stop her!

Eve..., come with me.

- Get her!
- Yah!

Yah!

Well..., I don't know who you are,
but I like your style.

Yeah?

How do you like this?

Ares, you fool!
What do you think you're doing?

- I can't let you kill my sister.
- What?

Aphrodite and Caligula's lives
are bound together.

If he dies...,
you destroy her too.

In the time of ancient gods,

warlords

and kings,

a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.

She was Xena,

a mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.

The power.

The passion.

The danger.

Her courage
will change the world.

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

- Are you all right?
- Gabrielle, I'm fine.

You shouldn't be here;
this is my mission.

Your mother's mission
is protecting you.

Eve...,
there are some Elijans hiding

in the catacombs
on the outside of town.

We'll join you there.

- Go.
- Okay.

Okay.

Either you're incredibly stupid...

or you know that there's nothing
I enjoy more than a good surprise.

Okay! Bad touching. No.

Stopping now.

Guards..., take him to the prison.

- And take that Elijan with him.
- My lord, she's disappeared.

Well, find her!

I'll make sure that her demise
is particularly spectacular.

I'm getting bored
of all these distractions.

Well, then, my dear...,
you should rest.

- Hmm.
- Hmm?

Oh! Yeah!

Hoo! All right.
Why don't you try and tell me

just exactly
what you think you were doing?!

Allow me to explain.
I am Synda of Thrace.

I represent the financial interest
of the great charioteer... Saba.

If that buffoon
hadn't interrupted,

then... Saba would've challenged you
to a chariot race.

A chariot race?

Well, there may be some gold in it
for you if she can entertain me.

Being a god can be so boring.
And I do... so love tall girls.

Come with me.

Hmm. You will be my guest
of honor at the palace...

so that I can enjoy
your company... until the race.

Feels good.

You know, Rome...,
this place irks me.

Gabrielle, we've gotta stop
Caligula from killing Eve.

Xena, Eve is safe with the Elijans.

For now.

But I don't trust her
to stay put.

We have to stop this mad man
without hurting Aphrodite.

Which means that we have
to find out

what this crazy bond is
between them... and break it.

We need to stop this Caligula
from committing genocide

for his cult of blood.

Yes. All right.

Now, Aphrodite should be
at the party.

I want you to go there, find her,
and try to talk some sense into her.

I'm gonna join you there later.

I need to go to the dungeon...
and talk to Ares.

Good luck.

Xena, don't forget you're
the guest of honor!

Aphrodite.
You're looking beautiful.

You just seem a little different.

- Aphrodite, don't you remember me?
- You're being very familiar...

considering I'm a goddess and...
you're a butt-kissing parasite.

Aphrodite, I'm your friend.

Leave me alone.

Aphrodite.

Aphrodite, are you okay?

Fabulous!

I'm wonderful!

I've never been so happy.

So... So...

- What?
- So happy.

What are you doing?!

Where is she?

I love him so much.

Caligula?
Aphrodite, I don't believe that.

Aphrodite.

You must forgive her;
she's tired and emotional.

I can tell.

And where is your Saba?
Hmm?

She insults both
the emperor and the god...

with her failure to appear.

It's time for the Pretorian guard
to hunt her down.

Mmm. Maybe then... she'll learn
the importance of punctuality...

in death.

Xena, thank the heavens.

- How's Aphrodite?
- I was hoping you could tell me.

What happened to her?

I came to Rome because I heard
she was losing her mind.

You see, without the god of war,
the goddess of love becomes unbalanced.

Caligula.

You aren't going to leave before
my world-renowned performance.

- Performance?
- Yes.

Wh-Wh-What does Caligula have to do
with this?

It's like he's some kind
of succubus...,

sucking her godhood from her
bit... by bit.

Now, if you thought he was bad
as an emperor...,

imagine him with the powers
of a full god.

And there's nothing
I can do about it.

- Maybe I can.
- No.

No.

I've gotta come between them
before it's too late.

Hee!

Kumalte! Kah!

Jah!

Bah!

Yah!

Kah!

Kumalte! Kah!

Hee! Jah!

Shh. Sleep well.

Kah!

Dah!

Hee! Hee!

Oh!

Brilliant!

Fabulous!

Did you get to Aphrodite?

She doesn't recognize us.

Saba!

We've missed your company.

I am at your command, sire.

Oh-oh. Careful.

I can have
some pretty unusual commands.

Wow. But!... your idea
about the chariot race...,

first we need to know...

that you're a worthy opponent...
to race the god Caligula.

Name your task, lord.

I will prove myself worthy
of your indulgence.

Good.

Prove yourself.

Kill him.

In a former life,

my manager and I had
a little floor show...

which we would like now to perform
for you in honor of our emperor's...

exotic taste
in entertainment.

Now you're talking.

Do you want a piece of this?

I'm tempted.
Deeply tempted, but I, uh...

I-I-I... I can't.

Well, just as you like.

Though I would like to give you
a taste of what you'll be missing.

Oh. You are the savage one.

You have no idea.

And now...,
let us entertain you.

You know,
I have fantasized about this

in a hundred different situations.
I've gotta tell ya...,

- I never got to this scenario.
- Well, enjoy it while you can...,

'cause in about 30 seconds...
all hell is gonna break loose.

Guards! Put that woman in chains!
Immediately!

Now?!

Come on,
don't make 'em go home now.

I said... no!

Everyone!

I want this hall cleared!
Immediately!

All of you, go!

You! Guard!
Come here, now!

Take out your dagger. Do it!
Stab me in the arm. Come on!

I still have it. Oh...
Oh, my sweet immortality.

Blood.

I'm gonna die.

It's a small wound.

Hmm, today, maybe.

But then a bigger one, and then
one day, like every pathetic mortal...,

I'll be dead.

Aphrodite, listen to me.

You know me, Aphrodite,
I'm your friend.

I'm not staying here
to listen to this!

No. No.

Nice touch.

Saba.

When you... bit my lip...,
you made me bleed.

How is that possible?
I'm an immortal.

Join the club.

Caligula, I am immortal too.

Saba the charioteer's
a god?

No, Saba the Celtic goddess of sex
is a god.

When I heard that the Olympians
had met an untimely end,

I thought this was
a perfect opportunity

for me to spread my... wings.

And of course, when I saw you...,

I knew you'd make
the perfect ally.

Well, what power do you have?

You've already experienced
my powers.

I... have the ability to pierce
the veil of immortality...,

to make gods bleed...,
to make gods die.

It's an uncommon gift.

And a risk for any god
to keep you around.

A risk not to.

Especially
when you compare me

to that washed-out dish rag
Aphrodite.

Where is she, anyway?

Forget her.

She's weak.

Now, how much better would it be...

if there were two healthy gods
using one another?

You mean... you... and I?

Well, otherwise, you'll be known as
Caligula, god of messed-up freaks.

How dare you!...
speak to me in that way?!

Do you know who you're talking to?

Do you?

My offer's on the table, Caligula.

And think about it carefully.

I make a very good friend...

and an even better enemy.

Caligula...,

my cowardly son.

Don't you recognize
your own mother's voice?

I see you've become the pathetic man
we always thought you'd be.

- You're the laughingstock of all Rome.
- No!

You murdered your own family
for this?!

I am a god!

While you are just voices
in my head!

You're dead!
Leave me alone!

Leave you alone?!

By the heavens, somebody!

- Save me!
- Caligula...,

you're the only one
who can save yourself.

What sort of demon are you?

At last.

I'm ready.

You are ready?

Yes, archangel.

You're afraid.

No, it's...

I'm...

Have no fear.

I give unto Caesar
all that is Caesar's.

But I bring also
the message of Eli,

the only true path
to redemption.

Oh, you are so earnest.

This is going to be fun.

Let go of lust and violence.

Open your heart
to truth and hope.

Lust and violence
or... truth... and hope. Hmm.

I think I'll stick
with the status quo.

- Oh, fabulous.
- What?

Caligula...,

what on Earth
did you think you were doing?

I don't need you
to interfere with my mission...!

Granted she's a bit irritating,
but why here and now?

Well..., the demon with wings said
that if I spilt her blood,

it would ensure my legacy
as the greatest of all gods.

- The demon with wings?
- Hmm.

My dear.

Why here and now when there is
neither sport nor glory in it?

Glory?

For your cult of blood.

Why, this could be
a missed opportunity.

Every cult needs followers.

If you were to, for example...,

exterminate the messenger of Eli...
in front of the masses, why...

Yes.

That would make them
take notice.

- Superb.
- I am, aren't I?

Mm-hmm.
Hmm. Hmm.

Why do you prefer Aphrodite
to me?

It's not that I prefer her,
my sweet.

I just need none final thing
from her.

What's that?

A final kiss...

goodbye.

I'm sorry. [?]

Why are you doing this to me?

What do you want?

I want my friend back.

I've never seen you
before today.

I could turn you
into a mosquito, you know?

You could have done that hours ago,
but you didn't.

You know why?

Because you do know me.

You don't want to hurt me.

Well, if we're such good friends,
then how come I don't recognize you?

Because you're giving up
your identity

to some maniac
whom you claim to love.

Michael!

You tried to get Caligula to kill Eve
to force my hand;

now you go after my girlfriends.

That's not gonna happen.

Bring it on.

Come on.

Don't be afraid, Michael.

Okay, Michael...,
you know the drill.

You got 30 seconds.

Xena, stop it!

10, 9...

I was tryin' to kill Aphrodite,
not Gabrielle!

Because Caligula is threatening
to become Eli's major foe...,

and we can't allow a mad man
to become a full god...,

which will surely happen
if he kisses Aphrodite... one more time.

And the only way
I can do that...

is by killing Aphrodite!

- I've got one more question for ya.
- Huh?

What happens to angels
when they die?

Xena, stop it!

It's gone.
They've taken it away from me.

What? What is it?

The power to kill gods, Gabrielle...,

it's gone.

I've been looking for you,
Aphrodite.

No!

Your passion for me
overrides your good sense.

But I like that in a woman.

I will forgive your jealous outburst...,
because...!

Whoa!

Oh yeah!

I feel good!

Watch me!

Aphrodite. Hey.

Gabrielle, I know we're like close,
but... is this appropriate?

Is it really you?

Okay, Gabs.

Has anyone ever told you
that you can be like a total ditz?

Aphrodite...,

what do you think about Caligula?

Um, nothing. Caligula? Ew.

- The bond between them's been broken.
- Yeah.

Okay, whatever,
I'm getting us out of here.

You can't, Aphrodite.

Caligula is truly a god now.

Open the door.

Leave us.

Eve.

What's happened?

Aphrodite's got her mind back.

But she's lost her immortality.

So he's a full god now.

It gets worse.

Eli has stripped me
of my power to kill gods.

It means I have no way of halting
Caligula's madness.

Eve, I'm sorry.

It wasn't the punch that hurt.

You trampled right over
the decision I had made.

- I had to, Eve.
- No.

You forget, Mother. It's my life.

It's my death, it's my choice.

No, you forget.

I am your mother.

And I would die before I'd let him
touch a hair on your head.

You can't protect me

from all the cruelty in the world
forever, Mother.

Well, it's funny
you should say that.

More! More!

- Kill her!
- Get up!

Burn that...!

Fire!

Citizens of Rome!

You are here to witness
a chariot race...

celebrating the allegiance
between... your god-emperor...

and his new queen...,
the goddess Saba!

- Hail to the queen!
- Long may she reign!

The victor of the race...
wins the right... to kill...

Eve of the Elijans...

formerly Livia,
the whore... of Rome!

Let it begin!

Caligula!

A victory for Rome!

- Hyah!
- Yah!

- Yah! Come on!
- Yah!

Yah!

Hyah! Yah! Come on!

Hyah! Hyah! Yah!

Oops!
Still gettin' the hang of that!

Hyah!

Yah! Yah!

- Yah! Yah!
- Ye-hah! Yah!

Yah!

Yah! Yah!

Here they come!

Yah!

Look out!

Yah!

Yah!

Yah!

Come on!

Yah!

Caligula!

Yah!

Yah!

Yah!

Yah!

Don't you just love
this god stuff?!

Absolutely!

Yah!

Methinks my lord enjoys this
sport... a little too much!

You got it, babe! Yah! Yah!

Yah!

Come on!

Yah!

Yah!

- Yah!
- Yah!

Yah!

Come on! Come on!

Yah!

Yah!

Yeah!

Yah!

- Yah!
- Faster!

Look out!

Well, that was quite a race.

I guess you're gonna be the one
who spills the blood.

Yes, I've been waiting
for this opportunity a long time.

Only it won't be her blood
that's spilt today.

That's Xena.

That's Xena, the Warrior Princess!

Xena?

Xena.

I know that name.
Yes, Xena, slayer of...

gods.

Also known as Xena,
mother of the girl

you so charmingly called...
"whore of Rome".

Uh... Perhaps... w-we could...

renegotiate the exact... terms
of the prize.

No.

Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena!

Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena!

Xena! Xena! Xena! [...]

The only thing we'll negotiate
is what happens to you.

Caligula, I have been killing gods
for years,

and you can hardly throw
a fireball straight.

So you gotta ask yourself:
do you feel lucky?

Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! [...]

I am your... emperor!
I am your god!

How dare you not give me...
the respect that I deserve?!

You're nothing!

I allow you to worship me!

Perfect!

Hold on, Caligula.

I'm going to spare you
the humiliation...

of dying on your knees.

- Please...
- Listen to me.

Still, you're gonna have
what you've always wanted:

your place amongst
the pantheon of Roman gods.

What better way to start
your new cult of blood...

than with the ultimate act
of bloodshed...,

the spilling of your own blood?

- Down with Caligula!
- They... They hate me.

- Don't listen to them.
- They think I'm weak!

Then prove to them you're not.

Caligula, kill yourself.

If I kill ya..., why, you're just
another dead god.

But if you were to kill yourself...

...then... then my name
lives forever.

Forever. Yes.

Do it, Caligula.
Take your rightful place.

Do it.
I understand you.

Yes. Live... forever.

Yes!

The only person in all Rome
who could kill Caligula...

was Caligula.

How are you feeling?

Dirty.

How should I feel?

Xena, there was nothing
you could do.

- He was evil.
- No.

He was damaged.

- He wasn't evil.
- It's not fair.

It's not fair!

It's not fair! It's not fair!
It's not fair!

Welcome to my nightmare, Sis.

Hmm.

Gabrielle...,

when you were trying
to get through to me earlier,

you said a coupl'a times
that you were my friend.

Did you really mean that?

Absolutely.

How cloyingly sentimental...,
but very much appreciated.

All right, everyone.

Let's get outta here.

Come on.

Are you sorry, Mother?

To lose your greatest gift?
The ability to kill gods?

Nah, it'll just make life spicier.

Besides, I've still got
my two greatest gifts.

And I've got no intention of losing
either of them.

Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)