Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001): Season 2, Episode 15 - A Day in the Life - full transcript
How do they use the bathroom? How do they make decisions? How do they cook an eel when their frying pan is broken? and is there a romantic relationship between Xena and Gabrielle?. All is revealed in a day in the life of Xena and Gabrielle, as Xena and Gabrielle battles a warlord and his army who plan to loot a village and save another village from being destroyed by a giant.
WAKING UP
Now she's ours!
Some breakfast?
Come on!
Come and get me!
Oh, you're so good!
Gabrielle!
Xena!
What?
Where d'ya think you're going?
Xena, this was our
only frying pan.
Why do you do that?
You do have weapons, don't you?
I like to be creative in a fight.
It gets my juices going.
Can we cook with your juices?
Could you guys talk about this
some other time?
Oh, yeah...
I've cut off the...
...Flow of blood to my brain.
I've heard all about it.
What do you want to know?
-Who sent you?
-Zagrayas.
He wants to loot
a little village not far from here...
...that had a big harvest
this year.
-What village?
-Piedmont.
Zagrayas said you were
in the area...
...So he sent us here to stop you
before you could get in his way.
Looks like we're going to Piedmont.
-All right, Gabri...
-Hey! Hey!
Oh, sorry...
...I guess I haven't
totally woken up yet.
FINDING YOUR WAY
Which way?
I don't know.
I've never been here before.
Xena...
You know...
You should have asked for instructions
when you had the pinch on that guy.
Well, you were there.
Why didn't you ask him?
Oh, like you would want me to butt
in on one of your pinch interrogations.
Why not?
You ask good questions.
Really?
Thank you.
Xena, here comes a guy.
Let's try this... You put the pinch
on him and I'll ask the questions.
Hey...
Why don't we just try asking him
the regular way, first, huh?
All right.
-Excuse me, sir. Do...?
-Are you Xena?
Yes.
My village is in great danger.
Can you help us?
Is Zagrayas
after your village too?
Not Zagrayas. A giant wanted us
to pay him protection money.
But we didn't have enough.
So he says he's gonna come this afternoon,
and flatten our town.
Two villages in dire straits.
I hate when that happens.
Well, I guess we'll just have to
methodically...
...examine the needs of each village,
and then...
...determine where we can do
the most good.
Yeah?
MAKING A DECISION
All right.
Now I've made a list of the pros and cons.
Which village is in greater danger...
Which has the most to lose...
Giant versus warlord,
and so on.
Now, I'm sure with careful consideration
of the facts...
...we can come to the right decision.
Heads.
We take on the giant.
Of course, that's another way.
Laurel...
It's this way.
Hey!
Hower!
Does your village have a store
that sells frying pans?
You know,
I really don't wanna hear about this all day.
Look! I'll drop it.
I suppose raw meat can't kill you.
Fine.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
TRAVELING
Are you male or female?
Male.
Living?
Dead?
Oh, I am very dead.
Were you killed by a certain
Warrior Princess...
Yes.
Well, that narrows it down...
...a little.
Atyminius?
No.
Ah... I almost go you that time.
No, you didn't.
What are you talking about?
I was this close.
You were this close 'cause
I let you get this close.
We'll see.
Hower...
How big is this giant?
I don't know.
He's never been to our village before.
And he just sends threats
through a messenger.
Well, how do you know
there really is a giant?
We've heard he's already destroyed
a village in the next valley.
So, he's never been
to your village...
We may be able to use that
to buy some time.
I had no breakfast, all right?
Hower, is there a creek nearby?
Yeah, just over that ridge.
Great.
Let's take a detour and eat.
Fish sounds good.
You know, a frying pan
would come in handy right about now.
Get off it, Gabrielle.
Are you a warlord or royalty?
Warlord.
Doesn't she need
a fishing pole?
It's much too conventional for her.
Are you Dagnine?
Nope.
What do you like, Hower?
Trout or perch?
-Trout.
-I'll take salmon.
Wrong kind of creek, wrong season, wrong...
Fine.
How about eel?
Eel...
See that?
Horse tracks, lots of them.
Looks like Zagrayas' army
forded the creek here recently.
It means it won't be long
before they strike at Piedmont.
What a shame that litle village
has to be looted.
I'm not gonna let that happen,
Gabrielle.
Xena, you can't stop it.
You can't be in two places at once.
I don't have to be.
One eel coming up!
Here you go!
Ah, that's funny... Yeah.
Let me ask you something, Gabrielle.
Does Xena ever think about
settling down and getting married?
No.
She likes what I do.
I think she likes what she's doing.
No, I don't think settling down
is for Xena.
Maybe she just hasn't met
the right guy.
You know, anything's possible, Hower...
Hower...
I saw some wood lying around.
Would you mind collecting it?
We're gonna have to cook these,
somehow!
Thanks.
Good shot.
-Another one's fallen for you.
-Again?
Yeah.
Why does this always happen?
It's the blue eyes... The leather...
Some guys just love leather.
I think a wardrobe change
is in order.
You could wear chain mail.
Yeah, but I think that'd just attract
a kinkier group.
You're probably right.
On the other hand,
I could just stop bathing...
...and wear a smelly wolf skin.
That'd turn 'em off.
That's true. Of course,
you'd also be travelling alone.
Flowers for a flower.
Thanks, Hower.
-Did you see that?
-What?
She took the flowers.
She likes me.
Oh, boy.
Gabrielle...
What do you think you're doing?
That's just great.
It's gonna smell like fish for days!
Well, what was I supposed to use, huh?
You threw our only good cutting knife
at a warlord last week.
I bet it's still sticking out
of his thigh.
-I'll wash it off for you, Xena.
-That's all right, Hower.
How far are we away
from your village?
It's about two more hours due east.
Good.
We can find it on our own.
There is something
you can do for me.
Anything.
I want you to deliver
a message to Zagrayas.
Tell him not
to worry about anything.
I won't get in his way
if he doesn't get in mine.
That's it?
Yeah.
I don't understand it, either.
But I learned that she works
in mysterious ways.
A CALL FROM NATURE
And the bacchae crushed their victims
like a python!
Python, right.
And the bacchae fell on their victims
like hungry wolves.
That'll work.
You used my scrolls?
Now, take it easy.
There were no good leaves in the bush.
I used a piece
that didn't have much writing on it!
You...
The giant's coming.
GIVING DIRECTIONS
I hope I spelt
"laurel" right.
Who cares?
Giants can't spell.
You know,
how do you know he's coming this way?
I haven't heard him in a few minutes.
Maybe...
Maybe he's gone another route.
There's a giants' burial
ground close by.
I figure he might wanna stop
there on the way.
Let's go.
Gabrielle!
-What?
-Come on.
Light or dark hair?
Dark.
Fat?
No.
Buff.
-Toxeus.
-No.
That's interesting...
What?
There's actually something interesting
about this place, Xena?
Hello! This is like every other village
we've ever been in.
You know, for once, you think
somebody would try something new...
...like the road
with birch trees or...
No, I mean,
there's no one here.
Quit wiggling!
Stop wiggling, you rotten goat!
Hello.
You're...
...You're Xena, aren't you?
-Yes.
-All right!
I finally get to meet
the Warrior Princess herself!
I've heard about
all your adventures.
How you unchained death, and...
...liberated Prometheus,
and nailed that Callisto witch.
Listen.
I'm just here to...
You are the main thing,
the real deal, you know!
The number one attraction!
And... And you must be...
...Lariel.
What's it like to travel with the hottest warrior
in the butt-kicking bizz, huh?
-Does she sleep in the...?
-Well...
Hey...
Lady, we're on a mission.
And we stayed behind to help.
All the other villagers,
they've run to the hills...
...except for me and my boyfriend, Hower.
You've probably met him already.
Where is he?
He's doing me a favor.
He told me about your problem.
Well, I want you to know...
...I'm ready to do
anything you need.
I'm as strong as a bull...
...and I can read. That's a pretty
rare combination in these parts.
So... What's you plan?
Your strategy?
How're you gonna whip
this overgrown fleabag?
I don't know yet.
I'm gonna have to think
this one out.
Fine...
What can I do
to help you concentrate?
Mezentius?
No.
Who could it be?
-Don't, don't tell me.
-Is it too hot?
No, it's just right.
I'll go get some more.
What are we going to do about the giant?
I don't know, it hasn't hit me yet.
You know, we could get Minya
to round up the mirrors.
Mirrors?
Yeah, in case he's wearing a helmet.
You know, like Goliath.
You can reflect the sun onto him.
He'll take off the helmet
and expose the giant soft spot.
-I've already done that.
-Yeah, I know, and it worked.
You know, you don't have to be original
every time you fight, Xena.
I suppose not.
Here, now
I'll do your back.
That's enough, Minya.
She's in that,
"I'll do anything for the Warrior Princess" haze.
Yeah...
Well, she's a good kid...
I suppose.
You know, her boyfriend
is in love with you.
Guess I'll have
to straighten that out, too.
Why you?
Because I do
the sensitive chats.
Well, that doesn't mean
that I can't.
Why do you have to be
so competitive about everything?
-Oh, and you're not?
-I'm less competitive than you are.
That's enough, Minya!
-Thank you.
-Sure.
Have you got your plan yet?
Well...
We want you to collect
all the mirrors in town.
Is that what you want, Xena?
A mirror is part of the plan?
Yeah...
...For now.
What?
You said, "for now".
So?
You're not gonna do that again,
are you?
-What?
-You know what.
We set up a perfectly good plan
and then you change it at the last minute.
Well, you gotta be flexible.
It comes with the job.
Are you sitting on the soap?
I was wondering what that was.
Hello, Hower!
Xena's here!
Isn't she incredible?
So strong, so confident,
so brave, so...
...Beautiful.
Well, she's all right...
if you like that type.
Xena...
I delivered your message to Zagrayas.
He...
...Wanted to know
what I was up to...
...and decided to hold off his attack on Piedmont
till he could figure it out.
And he wouldn't agree
to my offer.
That's right.
How did you know that?
I used to ride
with Zagrayas.
He's got nerves of mush
and he wouldn't trust his own mother.
Hower, I want you to go back to him...
...and tell him that I don't mind
if he sacks Piedmont...
...but he'd better not come
anywhere close to Laurel. Got it?
All right, anything you want, Xena.
Well... I'm going now, Xena.
-Bye, Hower.
-Hey!
Hower, say goodbye to Minya.
Bye.
He's running.
I've never seen him run for anything
but a meal.
When Hower gets back,
one of us has got to talk to him.
Minya...
-Is this your frying pan?
-Yeah.
Do you wanna trade?
PRATICE MAKES PERFECT
Ah, yeah!
-Sinteres.
-No.
Was it someone you fought
before I met you?
No.
Fine...
...Who was it?
Theodorus.
Theodorus?
Xena, Callisto killed Theodorus.
Yeah, but she was
in my body at the time.
You...
Hey!
The rotten thing came back
and bit me!
You gotta be careful with it.
What are you doing with my whip, anyway?
It isn't your whip, anymore.
I traded my best frying pan
for it. Fair and square.
Look, we have to cook
our food.
I am still waiting
for the fish I had for lunch...
...to stop brying to swim upstream.
No, this isn't about cooking,
is it?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I messed with your scroll,
so you...
...You traded my whip
for a frying pan.
I want it back.
No!
It belongs to me!
You don't get that concept
very well, do you?
The whip is mine.
The frying pan's yours.
Hower is mine!
She's yours.
I'm going to go check on the giant.
Move all the mirrors up
the north end of town.
You're not the only tough broad
around here, you know?
You can run,
but you can't hide!
Warrior Princess my...!
Oh, Xena!
Yo, Hower.
-Zagrayas...
-Is moving in this direction?
That's right. How do you know all that?
You're a genius.
No, I just know that scum
always floats to the surface.
He wants to see
what I'm doing in Laurel.
He figures there must be
some profit in it.
But why do you want him
to come this way?
Then we'll have to fight the giant
and Zagrayas' army.
Not if we time
things right.
What is it?
Wow!
And I thought
I had big feet!
Three paces...
It's gotta be Gareth.
Who's Gareth?
Only the biggest and meanest giant
who ever walked the Earth.
And thanks to Xena,
the bacchae were turned into...
-...the beautiful women they were...
-...Before.
What do you think?
It's pretty good.
Do you have one
where Xena steals somebody's boyfriend?
Or do you always leave that part out?
Minya...
Look, Xena would never take
anybody's boyfriend.
She has more integrity in that way
than anyone I've ever met.
She will send the right message, I guarantee it.
Minya...
...I wanna be real honest
with you.
I think I'm in love
with Xena.
She sent him a message, all right.
Xena...
We need to talk about Hower.
The giant is Gareth.
We don't have much time.
The mirror plan won't work.
Gareth is...
The biggest, meanest giant
ever to walk the Earth.
Xena's old buddy, Goliath,
wanted to get revenge on Gareth...
...for killing his family.
But then, Xena and Goliath
ended up on opposite sides...
...during the israelite-philistine feud.
And then Goliath got wasted.
I read it in one of her scrolls.
Does Gareth wear a helmet?
With a heavy nose guard.
Well, why
won't the mirrors...?
No, there are heavy rain clouds
moving in from the west.
There won't be any sunshine to reflect.
What're we gonna do?
Zeus killed giants with lightning bolts.
How are we going to get lightning bolts?
TRIAL AND ERROR
There.
What is it?
I don't have a name for it.
But if I can get it up into the air.
I think we can use it to nail Gareth.
Get it up in the air?
Yeah, you know.
Make it fly.
Let the wind carry it.
Looks like your precious
has got a screw loose.
Xena...
I hate to doubt you after all
we've been through, but...
-...I think this is a long shot.
-Well, what's your plan?
Hey, don't get defensive.
I just don't share your vision here.
There were plenty of other times
when you didn't share my vision.
Yes, and you were right
those other times.
But eventually
you're going to be wrong.
Call it the law of averages.
I just...
...as soon it not be when the biggest giant
to ever walk the Earth is headed our way.
Maybe if I ran with it...
All right!
Come on.
Have faith, Gabrielle.
Have faith.
Yes! We did it!
We did it! We did it!
We did it!
Yeah!
When Gareth gets here,
we're gonna have a...
...piece of parchment floating in the air,
with a belt-buckle hanging on it.
Xena, what is this
supposed to do?
Bring the power of Zeus to Earth.
Here...
You take over.
Keep it up there
just as long as you can.
I'm gonna go talk some sense into Hower.
Are you sure
you don't want me to...?
Gabrielle...
I think I can handle it.
Keep that string taut.
Xena!
Hey!
Come here!
Xena!
I was just brushing Argo down fo you.
I think she likes me.
Hower, Minya's a good woman.
She loves you.
You're lucky to have her.
And you got a snowball's chance
in Tartarus with me.
You got that?
I think you're denying
your feelings, Xena.
But I can be patient.
You'll come around.
Gabrielle!
Gabrielle?
You know, I would have had you
if I hadn't done the war cry.
Yeah, sure you would.
It's your turn to talk to Hower.
Right.
Your flying parchment's stuck
in a tree.
My love for Xena
will last forever!
Ok.
Thanks, Xena.
What did you say to her?
I just gave her some advice
about handling men.
I don't know if she really listened.
She doesn't trust me, you know...
How did it go with Hower?
Not well.
Maybe you could kick him around a little bit.
Yeah.
No, he might like it.
That's true.
You know, if this works,
I'll repay an old friend a debt.
Goliath?
Yeah.
I've always regretted that he had to die.
But at least now
I get to even the score for him.
The giant that killed his family
is headed toward the wrong village.
The dead can hear
our thoughts.
I'm sure that he knows
you care about him.
Yeah.
What was that?
Sounds like Zagrayas
just ran into a certain giant.
That Gareth never could resist
stomping an army.
Brilliant!
That was your plan all along.
To bring Zagrayas
into Gareth's path.
Do all your plans
work this well?
Let's hope so.
Cause when he's done with Zagrayas...,
...he's coming for us.
WAITING FOR GARETH
What's taking him so long?
Cut him some slack.
He's just stomped an entire army.
He's probably resting.
Where's Minya?
I hope she's taking
some advice I gave her.
Xena!
Hi, Zagrayas.
Having a bad day?
You set me up, Xena!
That giant destroyed
my entire army!
It's not fair!
I'm just trying to make a living!
All us warlords are!
A little looting!
A little mayhem!
You used to do it, Xena!
But you changed!
And you ruined everything for all of us!
With your chakram, your whip, your sword,
your fists and your little tricks...
You made fools of us all!
I'm here to end it, Xena!
End it all!
Yeah!
One of us ain't leaving
this place alive, Xena.
So come on!
Let's have at it!
Hey!
Tough guy!
You wanna talk or fight?
Another one!
Minya!
That was amazing!
I had no idea you...
...Looked so good in leather?
Minya!
What'd you do with that whip?
Hower!
He's headed toward
the giants' burial ground first.
I've gotta go out to meet him.
If this doesn't work,
or if the bad weather doesn't hold...
...I want you to get
Hower and Minya to safety.
Don't let them die
in a lost cause.
Xena...
I'm sorry I traded your whip
for a frying pan.
I shouldn't have used your scrolls.
We're even.
It's time.
Gareth!
We meet again.
-I'm going to squash you like an insect.
-In your dreams.
I'm going to get you, Xena!
Come on, handsome!
Come on, Gareth,
you couldn't catch a cold!
You should have more respect
for the dead!
You can't get away from me.
You'll be joining them
sooner than you think!
Goliath says "hello".
GOING TO BED
That bunch up there
looks like a big dipper.
A dipper?
Yeah, you know...
...Like one of those cups
that you draw water out of a bucket.
It looks...
It looks like a bear to me.
-A bear?
-Yeah.
-How do you get a bear?
-Look it... Look, there's the body.
See the little ears, and...
...tail.
Xena?
Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
I'll live.
I'm sorry.
I never thought I'd really hit you.
I...
It's all right.
Let's just try and go to sleep now, ok?
Hey!
Did you just let me hit you?
No, you nailed me
fair and square.
You did, didn't you?
You let me hit you
because you feel sorry for me.
Go to sleep.
All right.
I know you let me hit you.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)
Now she's ours!
Some breakfast?
Come on!
Come and get me!
Oh, you're so good!
Gabrielle!
Xena!
What?
Where d'ya think you're going?
Xena, this was our
only frying pan.
Why do you do that?
You do have weapons, don't you?
I like to be creative in a fight.
It gets my juices going.
Can we cook with your juices?
Could you guys talk about this
some other time?
Oh, yeah...
I've cut off the...
...Flow of blood to my brain.
I've heard all about it.
What do you want to know?
-Who sent you?
-Zagrayas.
He wants to loot
a little village not far from here...
...that had a big harvest
this year.
-What village?
-Piedmont.
Zagrayas said you were
in the area...
...So he sent us here to stop you
before you could get in his way.
Looks like we're going to Piedmont.
-All right, Gabri...
-Hey! Hey!
Oh, sorry...
...I guess I haven't
totally woken up yet.
FINDING YOUR WAY
Which way?
I don't know.
I've never been here before.
Xena...
You know...
You should have asked for instructions
when you had the pinch on that guy.
Well, you were there.
Why didn't you ask him?
Oh, like you would want me to butt
in on one of your pinch interrogations.
Why not?
You ask good questions.
Really?
Thank you.
Xena, here comes a guy.
Let's try this... You put the pinch
on him and I'll ask the questions.
Hey...
Why don't we just try asking him
the regular way, first, huh?
All right.
-Excuse me, sir. Do...?
-Are you Xena?
Yes.
My village is in great danger.
Can you help us?
Is Zagrayas
after your village too?
Not Zagrayas. A giant wanted us
to pay him protection money.
But we didn't have enough.
So he says he's gonna come this afternoon,
and flatten our town.
Two villages in dire straits.
I hate when that happens.
Well, I guess we'll just have to
methodically...
...examine the needs of each village,
and then...
...determine where we can do
the most good.
Yeah?
MAKING A DECISION
All right.
Now I've made a list of the pros and cons.
Which village is in greater danger...
Which has the most to lose...
Giant versus warlord,
and so on.
Now, I'm sure with careful consideration
of the facts...
...we can come to the right decision.
Heads.
We take on the giant.
Of course, that's another way.
Laurel...
It's this way.
Hey!
Hower!
Does your village have a store
that sells frying pans?
You know,
I really don't wanna hear about this all day.
Look! I'll drop it.
I suppose raw meat can't kill you.
Fine.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
TRAVELING
Are you male or female?
Male.
Living?
Dead?
Oh, I am very dead.
Were you killed by a certain
Warrior Princess...
Yes.
Well, that narrows it down...
...a little.
Atyminius?
No.
Ah... I almost go you that time.
No, you didn't.
What are you talking about?
I was this close.
You were this close 'cause
I let you get this close.
We'll see.
Hower...
How big is this giant?
I don't know.
He's never been to our village before.
And he just sends threats
through a messenger.
Well, how do you know
there really is a giant?
We've heard he's already destroyed
a village in the next valley.
So, he's never been
to your village...
We may be able to use that
to buy some time.
I had no breakfast, all right?
Hower, is there a creek nearby?
Yeah, just over that ridge.
Great.
Let's take a detour and eat.
Fish sounds good.
You know, a frying pan
would come in handy right about now.
Get off it, Gabrielle.
Are you a warlord or royalty?
Warlord.
Doesn't she need
a fishing pole?
It's much too conventional for her.
Are you Dagnine?
Nope.
What do you like, Hower?
Trout or perch?
-Trout.
-I'll take salmon.
Wrong kind of creek, wrong season, wrong...
Fine.
How about eel?
Eel...
See that?
Horse tracks, lots of them.
Looks like Zagrayas' army
forded the creek here recently.
It means it won't be long
before they strike at Piedmont.
What a shame that litle village
has to be looted.
I'm not gonna let that happen,
Gabrielle.
Xena, you can't stop it.
You can't be in two places at once.
I don't have to be.
One eel coming up!
Here you go!
Ah, that's funny... Yeah.
Let me ask you something, Gabrielle.
Does Xena ever think about
settling down and getting married?
No.
She likes what I do.
I think she likes what she's doing.
No, I don't think settling down
is for Xena.
Maybe she just hasn't met
the right guy.
You know, anything's possible, Hower...
Hower...
I saw some wood lying around.
Would you mind collecting it?
We're gonna have to cook these,
somehow!
Thanks.
Good shot.
-Another one's fallen for you.
-Again?
Yeah.
Why does this always happen?
It's the blue eyes... The leather...
Some guys just love leather.
I think a wardrobe change
is in order.
You could wear chain mail.
Yeah, but I think that'd just attract
a kinkier group.
You're probably right.
On the other hand,
I could just stop bathing...
...and wear a smelly wolf skin.
That'd turn 'em off.
That's true. Of course,
you'd also be travelling alone.
Flowers for a flower.
Thanks, Hower.
-Did you see that?
-What?
She took the flowers.
She likes me.
Oh, boy.
Gabrielle...
What do you think you're doing?
That's just great.
It's gonna smell like fish for days!
Well, what was I supposed to use, huh?
You threw our only good cutting knife
at a warlord last week.
I bet it's still sticking out
of his thigh.
-I'll wash it off for you, Xena.
-That's all right, Hower.
How far are we away
from your village?
It's about two more hours due east.
Good.
We can find it on our own.
There is something
you can do for me.
Anything.
I want you to deliver
a message to Zagrayas.
Tell him not
to worry about anything.
I won't get in his way
if he doesn't get in mine.
That's it?
Yeah.
I don't understand it, either.
But I learned that she works
in mysterious ways.
A CALL FROM NATURE
And the bacchae crushed their victims
like a python!
Python, right.
And the bacchae fell on their victims
like hungry wolves.
That'll work.
You used my scrolls?
Now, take it easy.
There were no good leaves in the bush.
I used a piece
that didn't have much writing on it!
You...
The giant's coming.
GIVING DIRECTIONS
I hope I spelt
"laurel" right.
Who cares?
Giants can't spell.
You know,
how do you know he's coming this way?
I haven't heard him in a few minutes.
Maybe...
Maybe he's gone another route.
There's a giants' burial
ground close by.
I figure he might wanna stop
there on the way.
Let's go.
Gabrielle!
-What?
-Come on.
Light or dark hair?
Dark.
Fat?
No.
Buff.
-Toxeus.
-No.
That's interesting...
What?
There's actually something interesting
about this place, Xena?
Hello! This is like every other village
we've ever been in.
You know, for once, you think
somebody would try something new...
...like the road
with birch trees or...
No, I mean,
there's no one here.
Quit wiggling!
Stop wiggling, you rotten goat!
Hello.
You're...
...You're Xena, aren't you?
-Yes.
-All right!
I finally get to meet
the Warrior Princess herself!
I've heard about
all your adventures.
How you unchained death, and...
...liberated Prometheus,
and nailed that Callisto witch.
Listen.
I'm just here to...
You are the main thing,
the real deal, you know!
The number one attraction!
And... And you must be...
...Lariel.
What's it like to travel with the hottest warrior
in the butt-kicking bizz, huh?
-Does she sleep in the...?
-Well...
Hey...
Lady, we're on a mission.
And we stayed behind to help.
All the other villagers,
they've run to the hills...
...except for me and my boyfriend, Hower.
You've probably met him already.
Where is he?
He's doing me a favor.
He told me about your problem.
Well, I want you to know...
...I'm ready to do
anything you need.
I'm as strong as a bull...
...and I can read. That's a pretty
rare combination in these parts.
So... What's you plan?
Your strategy?
How're you gonna whip
this overgrown fleabag?
I don't know yet.
I'm gonna have to think
this one out.
Fine...
What can I do
to help you concentrate?
Mezentius?
No.
Who could it be?
-Don't, don't tell me.
-Is it too hot?
No, it's just right.
I'll go get some more.
What are we going to do about the giant?
I don't know, it hasn't hit me yet.
You know, we could get Minya
to round up the mirrors.
Mirrors?
Yeah, in case he's wearing a helmet.
You know, like Goliath.
You can reflect the sun onto him.
He'll take off the helmet
and expose the giant soft spot.
-I've already done that.
-Yeah, I know, and it worked.
You know, you don't have to be original
every time you fight, Xena.
I suppose not.
Here, now
I'll do your back.
That's enough, Minya.
She's in that,
"I'll do anything for the Warrior Princess" haze.
Yeah...
Well, she's a good kid...
I suppose.
You know, her boyfriend
is in love with you.
Guess I'll have
to straighten that out, too.
Why you?
Because I do
the sensitive chats.
Well, that doesn't mean
that I can't.
Why do you have to be
so competitive about everything?
-Oh, and you're not?
-I'm less competitive than you are.
That's enough, Minya!
-Thank you.
-Sure.
Have you got your plan yet?
Well...
We want you to collect
all the mirrors in town.
Is that what you want, Xena?
A mirror is part of the plan?
Yeah...
...For now.
What?
You said, "for now".
So?
You're not gonna do that again,
are you?
-What?
-You know what.
We set up a perfectly good plan
and then you change it at the last minute.
Well, you gotta be flexible.
It comes with the job.
Are you sitting on the soap?
I was wondering what that was.
Hello, Hower!
Xena's here!
Isn't she incredible?
So strong, so confident,
so brave, so...
...Beautiful.
Well, she's all right...
if you like that type.
Xena...
I delivered your message to Zagrayas.
He...
...Wanted to know
what I was up to...
...and decided to hold off his attack on Piedmont
till he could figure it out.
And he wouldn't agree
to my offer.
That's right.
How did you know that?
I used to ride
with Zagrayas.
He's got nerves of mush
and he wouldn't trust his own mother.
Hower, I want you to go back to him...
...and tell him that I don't mind
if he sacks Piedmont...
...but he'd better not come
anywhere close to Laurel. Got it?
All right, anything you want, Xena.
Well... I'm going now, Xena.
-Bye, Hower.
-Hey!
Hower, say goodbye to Minya.
Bye.
He's running.
I've never seen him run for anything
but a meal.
When Hower gets back,
one of us has got to talk to him.
Minya...
-Is this your frying pan?
-Yeah.
Do you wanna trade?
PRATICE MAKES PERFECT
Ah, yeah!
-Sinteres.
-No.
Was it someone you fought
before I met you?
No.
Fine...
...Who was it?
Theodorus.
Theodorus?
Xena, Callisto killed Theodorus.
Yeah, but she was
in my body at the time.
You...
Hey!
The rotten thing came back
and bit me!
You gotta be careful with it.
What are you doing with my whip, anyway?
It isn't your whip, anymore.
I traded my best frying pan
for it. Fair and square.
Look, we have to cook
our food.
I am still waiting
for the fish I had for lunch...
...to stop brying to swim upstream.
No, this isn't about cooking,
is it?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I messed with your scroll,
so you...
...You traded my whip
for a frying pan.
I want it back.
No!
It belongs to me!
You don't get that concept
very well, do you?
The whip is mine.
The frying pan's yours.
Hower is mine!
She's yours.
I'm going to go check on the giant.
Move all the mirrors up
the north end of town.
You're not the only tough broad
around here, you know?
You can run,
but you can't hide!
Warrior Princess my...!
Oh, Xena!
Yo, Hower.
-Zagrayas...
-Is moving in this direction?
That's right. How do you know all that?
You're a genius.
No, I just know that scum
always floats to the surface.
He wants to see
what I'm doing in Laurel.
He figures there must be
some profit in it.
But why do you want him
to come this way?
Then we'll have to fight the giant
and Zagrayas' army.
Not if we time
things right.
What is it?
Wow!
And I thought
I had big feet!
Three paces...
It's gotta be Gareth.
Who's Gareth?
Only the biggest and meanest giant
who ever walked the Earth.
And thanks to Xena,
the bacchae were turned into...
-...the beautiful women they were...
-...Before.
What do you think?
It's pretty good.
Do you have one
where Xena steals somebody's boyfriend?
Or do you always leave that part out?
Minya...
Look, Xena would never take
anybody's boyfriend.
She has more integrity in that way
than anyone I've ever met.
She will send the right message, I guarantee it.
Minya...
...I wanna be real honest
with you.
I think I'm in love
with Xena.
She sent him a message, all right.
Xena...
We need to talk about Hower.
The giant is Gareth.
We don't have much time.
The mirror plan won't work.
Gareth is...
The biggest, meanest giant
ever to walk the Earth.
Xena's old buddy, Goliath,
wanted to get revenge on Gareth...
...for killing his family.
But then, Xena and Goliath
ended up on opposite sides...
...during the israelite-philistine feud.
And then Goliath got wasted.
I read it in one of her scrolls.
Does Gareth wear a helmet?
With a heavy nose guard.
Well, why
won't the mirrors...?
No, there are heavy rain clouds
moving in from the west.
There won't be any sunshine to reflect.
What're we gonna do?
Zeus killed giants with lightning bolts.
How are we going to get lightning bolts?
TRIAL AND ERROR
There.
What is it?
I don't have a name for it.
But if I can get it up into the air.
I think we can use it to nail Gareth.
Get it up in the air?
Yeah, you know.
Make it fly.
Let the wind carry it.
Looks like your precious
has got a screw loose.
Xena...
I hate to doubt you after all
we've been through, but...
-...I think this is a long shot.
-Well, what's your plan?
Hey, don't get defensive.
I just don't share your vision here.
There were plenty of other times
when you didn't share my vision.
Yes, and you were right
those other times.
But eventually
you're going to be wrong.
Call it the law of averages.
I just...
...as soon it not be when the biggest giant
to ever walk the Earth is headed our way.
Maybe if I ran with it...
All right!
Come on.
Have faith, Gabrielle.
Have faith.
Yes! We did it!
We did it! We did it!
We did it!
Yeah!
When Gareth gets here,
we're gonna have a...
...piece of parchment floating in the air,
with a belt-buckle hanging on it.
Xena, what is this
supposed to do?
Bring the power of Zeus to Earth.
Here...
You take over.
Keep it up there
just as long as you can.
I'm gonna go talk some sense into Hower.
Are you sure
you don't want me to...?
Gabrielle...
I think I can handle it.
Keep that string taut.
Xena!
Hey!
Come here!
Xena!
I was just brushing Argo down fo you.
I think she likes me.
Hower, Minya's a good woman.
She loves you.
You're lucky to have her.
And you got a snowball's chance
in Tartarus with me.
You got that?
I think you're denying
your feelings, Xena.
But I can be patient.
You'll come around.
Gabrielle!
Gabrielle?
You know, I would have had you
if I hadn't done the war cry.
Yeah, sure you would.
It's your turn to talk to Hower.
Right.
Your flying parchment's stuck
in a tree.
My love for Xena
will last forever!
Ok.
Thanks, Xena.
What did you say to her?
I just gave her some advice
about handling men.
I don't know if she really listened.
She doesn't trust me, you know...
How did it go with Hower?
Not well.
Maybe you could kick him around a little bit.
Yeah.
No, he might like it.
That's true.
You know, if this works,
I'll repay an old friend a debt.
Goliath?
Yeah.
I've always regretted that he had to die.
But at least now
I get to even the score for him.
The giant that killed his family
is headed toward the wrong village.
The dead can hear
our thoughts.
I'm sure that he knows
you care about him.
Yeah.
What was that?
Sounds like Zagrayas
just ran into a certain giant.
That Gareth never could resist
stomping an army.
Brilliant!
That was your plan all along.
To bring Zagrayas
into Gareth's path.
Do all your plans
work this well?
Let's hope so.
Cause when he's done with Zagrayas...,
...he's coming for us.
WAITING FOR GARETH
What's taking him so long?
Cut him some slack.
He's just stomped an entire army.
He's probably resting.
Where's Minya?
I hope she's taking
some advice I gave her.
Xena!
Hi, Zagrayas.
Having a bad day?
You set me up, Xena!
That giant destroyed
my entire army!
It's not fair!
I'm just trying to make a living!
All us warlords are!
A little looting!
A little mayhem!
You used to do it, Xena!
But you changed!
And you ruined everything for all of us!
With your chakram, your whip, your sword,
your fists and your little tricks...
You made fools of us all!
I'm here to end it, Xena!
End it all!
Yeah!
One of us ain't leaving
this place alive, Xena.
So come on!
Let's have at it!
Hey!
Tough guy!
You wanna talk or fight?
Another one!
Minya!
That was amazing!
I had no idea you...
...Looked so good in leather?
Minya!
What'd you do with that whip?
Hower!
He's headed toward
the giants' burial ground first.
I've gotta go out to meet him.
If this doesn't work,
or if the bad weather doesn't hold...
...I want you to get
Hower and Minya to safety.
Don't let them die
in a lost cause.
Xena...
I'm sorry I traded your whip
for a frying pan.
I shouldn't have used your scrolls.
We're even.
It's time.
Gareth!
We meet again.
-I'm going to squash you like an insect.
-In your dreams.
I'm going to get you, Xena!
Come on, handsome!
Come on, Gareth,
you couldn't catch a cold!
You should have more respect
for the dead!
You can't get away from me.
You'll be joining them
sooner than you think!
Goliath says "hello".
GOING TO BED
That bunch up there
looks like a big dipper.
A dipper?
Yeah, you know...
...Like one of those cups
that you draw water out of a bucket.
It looks...
It looks like a bear to me.
-A bear?
-Yeah.
-How do you get a bear?
-Look it... Look, there's the body.
See the little ears, and...
...tail.
Xena?
Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
I'll live.
I'm sorry.
I never thought I'd really hit you.
I...
It's all right.
Let's just try and go to sleep now, ok?
Hey!
Did you just let me hit you?
No, you nailed me
fair and square.
You did, didn't you?
You let me hit you
because you feel sorry for me.
Go to sleep.
All right.
I know you let me hit you.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)