Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Xena Scrolls - full transcript
In 1940, two archaeologists look for the legendary scrolls that Gabrielle wrote about her adventures with Xena.
I found it!
I found it!
Here you go, ma'am.
Hello.
-Hello, anybody home?
-Someone's coming.
Hello?
Hello?
-Is anyone home?
-Give me the briefcase, now.
Oh, my.
Now, that's no way to
treat a lady.
Run along now, boys.
I don't have time to play.
She's out of bullets.
Ventilate my hat!
Now, dance.
Get outta here!
I could've been killed.
Who are you?
I'm Mel Pappas, and I'm looking for
Dr. Janice Covington.
You're Mel Pappas?
Yes, ma'am.
Winner of the 1924 Nobel Prize
for anthropology...
...Dean of the
University of South Carolina.
Nice try.
Professor Pappas died a year ago.
Well, I know that.
I'm his daughter...
...Melinda Pappas.
Mel, for short.
Around here,
it's hard to know who to trust.
What do you want?
Well, I was going through
my Daddy's records...
...and I found an old telegram
from you.
Yeah?
So?
In it, you said you wanted help translating
ancient writings, and...
...And here I am!
I don't think so.
Wait.
How did Smythe's men
get in here?
I told you I want a lookout posted
around-the-clock.
-Keep an eye out.
-Yes, ma'am.
-Who's Smythe?
-Look, you don't belong here.
Now, if you want,
I'll have one of my men take you back to town.
And why did they want
to get my briefcase?
They must be looking for the tablet.
It's the key to unlocking the tomb
we found.
Nikos?
-The curse!
-God help us!
Come back!
Come back!
There are no curses...
It's a knife.
They think this tomb
is haunted.
Of course, murder isn't real good
for morale, either.
Murder?
It sure as hell ain't suicide,
sweetheart.
Still wanna hang around, Mel Pappas?
What's in that tomb
that would drive men to murder?
The most important archaeological
find of the century.
Something that will revolutionize the way
we look at the ancient world.
It has the power to turn
myth into history, history into myth.
The Xena scrolls.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
And everyone heard the battle cry
of the fair-haired Xena.
Though her dark Nemesis
fought bravely...
...she was still no match
for our hero.
Now, wait a minute.
Xena was the dark-haired one.
The blonde was an imposter, named Callisto.
Well, it's an easy mistake to make.
But the rest goes like this...
Desperate to save
her friend...
...the great warrior woman
leaped into action.
Don't panic.
And Xena saved Callisto
from the fate she most desired...
Her own death.
Before he died, Daddy taught me
to read ancient syntax.
I could be a great help to you in reading
these myths or stories, whatever...
History, it's history.
That's why it's so valuable.
You know, many people doubt
the existence of the scrolls...
...even with this proof.
My father found this years ago
on another dig site.
Your daddy was an archaelologist, too?
He was the best that ever lived.
Covington...
Covington... I don't recall
an archaeologist called Co...
Oh, my goodness.
You're the daughter of Harry Covington, the...
The graverobber.
Yeah, that's what everyone else
called him, why not you?
Well, I'm sure it's just
an unfair description.
No, it's right on.
He'd sell anything he could
to the highest bidder.
But not for greed.
Everything he did was to finance
his search for the scrolls.
And now that I'm this close to proving
his quest wasn't in vain...
...I'm not about to enlist
the aid of some spoiled brat...
...who's trying to live
on her father's reputation.
Just like you're trying to live
down your daddy's reputation?
-What did you say?
-Nothing.
I just mean that maybe we're both
living in our daddies' shadows...
...as different
as those shadows are.
Now, what?
Don't even move.
I am a friend.
If I want,
you would be dead now.
How do you figure that, huh?
I've got a gun at your neck.
I know you was there all the time.
I could have killed you in the blin of an eye.
A what?
Blin... Blin...
Don't you speak English?
Who are you?
What do you want?
Allow me to introduce myself,
Dr. Covington.
I am Lieutenant Jacques S'er...
...Special reconnaissance division...
...Free-french army.
What can I do for you,
Lieutenant?
Well...
...First, you can introduce me
to this charming beauty.
Enchante'.
Is there a point to your visit?
I am here for your protection.
You see, the french government
has a vital interest in these scrolls.
They may unlock the secret
to ancient mysteries...
Powers so strong that...
...it is within the interest
of all decent people...
...to do everything they can to keep it out
of the wrong hands.
You mean like the nazis?
Relax!
I'd never let those bastards
get the scrolls.
Let us hope not, but...
...it is within your family's tradition
to respond to a...
...healthy financial offer.
Hey!
Janice's daddy
was interested in the truth...
...about the scrolls
and nothing else.
And so is Janice.
How did the french government
find out about my scrolls?
Well, we french,
are students of archaeology, and...
...we know that there are powerful secrets
within the scrolls...
...with regard to...
...the deep dark
secrets of the gods.
Covington!
Look what I've got.
The key.
You can't decipher it, Smith.
That's Smythe.
No, I can't, but you can.
If you help me,
I'm willing to offer a nice payday.
I'm not interested in your money.
Oh, come now! The daughter of Harry
Covington not interested in money?
Don't make me giggle.
I'll pay you 100.000 american dollars.
That's a lot of moolah.
Maybe we can do business
after all.
Guess it's in my blood, honey.
Show me what you got.
This could be the ticket.
Shall we try it out?
Bring her friends along.
Come on.
We french make love,
not war.
But in your cases,
I'll make an exception.
This tablet's a fake.
Why?
What's wrong?
No, no, that's not a fake. Look, first
ruby, then emerald.
Here, let me try.
I like her...
Pretty and smart.
-Had to stay and help, didn't you?
-So playing games, are we?
Well, if you don't like my money,
I have other plans.
-Ladies first.
-What a gentleman.
-But, of course.
-Not you, idiot.
It's dark.
Where's Smythe?
He got what he deserved.
Some great battle was fought here.
I don't know why,
but I get the feeling...
...that this was the site
of some titanic struggle between...
...good and evil.
"All ye who enter
beware the rock of the god of war."
Legend has it...
...Xena and Ares were bound
by some deep bond.
By the gods, you are a beauty.
You must know I've missed you.
What do you want?
I want you back, of course.
My Warrior Princess, living
as my Warrior Queen.
We were once
a great match.
I didn't know any better then.
I thought your ways were
all there was for me.
I think you'll be more comfortable
in this.
Now that you do know...
...there is another side to life...
...now tell me...
Are you really having
more fun these days?
I'm fighting for a better world.
My dear Xena...,
...you were always fighting for
a better world.
You were going to conquer it...
...and then...
...you were going to rule it.
Ares' tomb.
The natives very well may have been right.
This place could be cursed.
Well, it was kind of funny
that that rockslide...
...happened just as we came in.
-There are no curses.
-That is where you are wrong.
You see, I, for one,
am cursed with a certain personal magnetism.
And once...
...when on a mission to Egypt
for the French Secret Service...,
...I came across a curse
so horrible...
...that only a man of my
training and expertise...
...could have faced it and lived.
Wait a minute.
I saw that movie.
Yes, of course,
I must have confused it...
...with my real battle
against the supernatural.
Excuse me, but that was a movie,
too.
Yes, but who do you think
gave them the idea?
What do we do now?
We find the scrolls
and get out of here.
Don't touch anything
that looks suspicious.
These tombs are set with
booby-traps to stop thieves.
Well, it didn't look suspicious.
Sit down and stay out of my way.
I'll find the scrolls myself.
Dr. Covington, come here!
Look what I found!
I said, sit down and don't talk.
This stone...
Look for...
Some kind of release.
Oh, my.
Did you ever hear about Xena's true love,
Marcus?
-It's so romantic.
-Listen, we are busy.
We don't have time
for the love story.
But this is so much more.
Xena swam to the underworld because
her love, Marcus, called for her.
Marcus...
It feels so good to hold you.
Marcus!
Evil had taken control...
...and innocent soldiers suffered.
But Xena fought for good.
Xena! Hurry!
They held immortality
in their hands.
But Xena did not give in to temptation...
...even though it meant saying
goodbye to the man she loved.
You must go now, Xena.
Marcus is in the Elysian
Fields forever.
Now, say goodbye.
Keep thinking of me.
You know, you move me
with the story of love.
Well, that is.
The scrolls!
He was right.
All those years
of people doubting him.
And I'm gonna prove him right
with this discovery.
Well, I'm sure I'm very happy
for your daddy and you.
But, wouldn't you say
it's... our... little discovery?
If you even think that I'm gonna give you
credit for leading me...
Listen, who cares
who gets the credit?
Why don't we pick up these little
pieces of paper and get out of here?
What's this?
Don't know, necklace... Something.
Who cares?
The chackram...
Xena's most powerful weapon.
Why don't you give me a try?
If I can't do it, you can't.
I loosened it for you.
You can hang onto it till we get
the rest of the scrolls.
Let's get outta here.
Where'd she go?
Looking for this?
Oh, my.
Hold it, Smythe!
Fire that gun...
...and you'll create a rockslide
that'll bury all of us alive.
Yes, all of us.
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Not this time.
-Get the girl!
-All right.
-Don't tell me what...
-Move!
Apprehend her.
Release her!
Release her!
Move!
-Come now, mademoiselle.
-Quit pulling me.
Rockslide.
We will be safe in here.
Qu'est-ce qu c'est?
What did I tell you?
This place is cursed.
There are no curses.
This was obviously a case
of dormant embers...
...being hit
by oxygen...
...resulting in
spontaneous combustion.
What? Embers don't lie dormant
for thousands of years!
Obviously,
some sort of curse.
What are we going to do?
I know. We'll stand with our rear ends
facing each other. That'd...
No... Curses don't know
fronts from rears.
We'll counter-curse it.
You must know
some kind of a curse.
My grandmother... She was a witch...
Boil, boil!
There's no oxygen in here.
I can't breathe!
I'm starting
to panic uncontrollably!
Pull yourself together, man!
Enough games.
I want the scrolls and the chakram now.
Mel!
That feels good.
Would you mind slapping me again?
I'm hallucinating.
I've been expecting you.
Welcome to the prison that
has held me for centuries.
Excuse me, my good fellow.
I think you'll find that this tomb is mine.
Go ahead.
Take your best shot.
Eliminate him.
Who are you?
The last sight you'll ever see.
My God...
Fear not, ladies.
I shall not go down without a fight.
Did I not tell you that I was captain
of my boxing team in my division?
Ah, you like it? Oh, you're not ready
for the duck, duck, weave, huh?
Oh, please.
Does the brush salesman from New Jersey
think he can defeat the god of war?
Ares...
Brush salesman?
I li...
I mean...
...I lied.
How are ya? Jack Kleinman,
Victory Brush Company, Hoboken.
I tried to enlist to fight the Fuhrer,
but I got 4f'ed.
You dig? So I came here
to fight the nazi bastards...
...so they wouldn't get
the scrolls.
How did you find out about the scrolls?
My guess is from
the family tradition...
...passed down
from ancient times.
You're related to Xena?
Well...
No, not Xena.
You wanna fight, huh?
Fine with me.
You made me mad now, little girl.
You've just made a serious mistake.
You broke my crossbow!
That does it! I'm gonna rip you apart
with my bare hands.
His kind give warriors
a bad name.
I see you've kept
your family's reputation...
...for undiluted idiocy
intact.
For thousands of years,
my spirit has been trapped here in this tomb...
...waiting for a certain someone
to claim the chakram...
...and make it whole.
Now, I am flesh again,
and it feels so good!
What do you want from us?
A simple favor.
It is written
that only a descendant of Xena...
...can release me back
into the world.
I want out.
Of course...
I'm a descendant of Xena.
You can forget it, Ares.
The world doesn't need any more of you.
Silly girl...
-I don't need you.
-You just said...
Oh, you are related to someone
in the scrolls, but...
...it's not Xena.
-Who?
-I'll give you a hint...
Think "irritating blonde".
You want it?
Come and get it.
Wrong blonde.
You all right?
I'm great.
I can't see, but I'm good.
Try using both eyes.
Ah yeah, that's better.
Think you can stand?
You mean I'm not?
Come on!
There you go.
-By the gods!
-What is it?
You are beautiful!
Ah... Heir apparent.
It's time, Melinda.
Release me
and I will regain all my powers...
My godhood.
If the world thinks it knows
death and destruction now...
...wait till they get
a load of me.
Think again, Ares.
Xena...
It's been too long...
Not long enough.
-Get outta here.
-Let's blow.
Come on!
I'm in your blood.
You know you can't fight me.
Ares, the answer is no.
Why don't you just give me
what I've wanted for centuries?
Enjoy.
You can run, Xena!
But you can't hide.
You all right?
Yeah.
-Good.
-You are Xena.
Yeah.
Mel is your descendant.
How could I think it was me?
My father's a thief.
My mother..., she ran out on us.
And I'm related to the useless tag-along,
Gabrielle.
Now, you listen to me.
Gabrielle was never useless.
She cared for others
more than herself.
Terreis!
She was the finest friend
anyone could ever have.
No.
No. Come on, Gabrielle. Come on.
Come on.
Don't leave me.
Don't you leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
You make her sound important.
She is to me.
Be proud you're part of her family.
I am.
Gabrielle...
I want you to understand something.
We both have families
we were born into.
But sometimes families change,
and we have to build our own.
For me, our friendship binds us
closer than blood ever could.
For me too.
I've gotta get back there,
put Ares back where he belongs.
Could you use some help?
Come on.
What, were you two
just going to leave me in there?
No, that'd be awful.
People are trying to rest in there.
Yeah, 'cause...
Funny.
Wait here.
Nice of you to show up.
Now, release me or...
...they die.
There's no room in this world
for you anymore, Ares.
You're wrong.
The world's become a glorious place.
The weapons, more lethal.
The people, more hateful.
And there's a new leader.
A lot of vision, a lot of potential.
His name is Hitler.
With my help,
he's gonna make a lot of positive changes.
The Eye of Hephaestus, it holds me here.
You strike it with your chakram
and set me free.
You have no choice, Xena.
Do it!
All right.
But you're not going anywhere
till they're safe.
Of course. I'm a god of honor.
What the?
Ball!
I'm way ahead of you, Xena.
Yes!
Freedom!
Later.
-It is later, Ares.
-Not now, Xena.
This has been fun, but, really.
You never give up, do ya?
Get outta here!
Run!
You could'a had it all,
but now I'm mad.
Both of you at the same time?
Why not?
The door!
Run!
-I can't hold it!
-Run!
Oh, my.
The door!
Let's blow!
Come on!
No!
This'll keep Ares busy
for a while.
Sayonara, sucker!
All right, Jack.
You wanna join me
on my next dig?
Sorry, sweety,
I got things.
You know... Things.
Don't say it, baby.
You're something else.
You're a swell-looking tomato
with a nice set of gambs, but baby...
I gotta go.
Dig?
Yeah, I dig.
You were right.
I was, about what?
We were both living
in our father's shadows.
Well, maybe it's time
that we both stepped out into the world...
...and showed them what we can do.
Together?
Well, not, if you don't want to.
Come on.
You can give me a hand.
Then they start this chanting, right?
FIFTY YEARS LATER...
I'm not married to her.
Kanda, kanda. Right?
Then this big, worm-eaten...,
...scary dude comes out
from behind and goes...
Done it.
Ok.
Rob, dude, man, I mean, listen.
I gotta go to Warner's
in an hour with this...
...and I might have to give this thing to 'em,
you know?
Then go.
Tell Bugs I said hello.
All right, listen. Dude,
I wasn't even gonna show this to you.
-These are the scrolls, man.
-Scrolls? What scrolls?
The Xena scrolls.
It's about this guy, Joxer.
These were in my grandfather's attic,
and he had 'em translated, dude.
I mean, listen. We don't have to make this thing
like big budget, you know?
We can shoot this in a third-world country,
using the locals.
And for the lead guy, Joxer,
I'm thinking...
...Matt LeBlanc,
if he's available, you know?
It's good...
I like, it's good. What do you think?
Pretty interesting stuff.
Tell me more about this Xena...
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)
I found it!
Here you go, ma'am.
Hello.
-Hello, anybody home?
-Someone's coming.
Hello?
Hello?
-Is anyone home?
-Give me the briefcase, now.
Oh, my.
Now, that's no way to
treat a lady.
Run along now, boys.
I don't have time to play.
She's out of bullets.
Ventilate my hat!
Now, dance.
Get outta here!
I could've been killed.
Who are you?
I'm Mel Pappas, and I'm looking for
Dr. Janice Covington.
You're Mel Pappas?
Yes, ma'am.
Winner of the 1924 Nobel Prize
for anthropology...
...Dean of the
University of South Carolina.
Nice try.
Professor Pappas died a year ago.
Well, I know that.
I'm his daughter...
...Melinda Pappas.
Mel, for short.
Around here,
it's hard to know who to trust.
What do you want?
Well, I was going through
my Daddy's records...
...and I found an old telegram
from you.
Yeah?
So?
In it, you said you wanted help translating
ancient writings, and...
...And here I am!
I don't think so.
Wait.
How did Smythe's men
get in here?
I told you I want a lookout posted
around-the-clock.
-Keep an eye out.
-Yes, ma'am.
-Who's Smythe?
-Look, you don't belong here.
Now, if you want,
I'll have one of my men take you back to town.
And why did they want
to get my briefcase?
They must be looking for the tablet.
It's the key to unlocking the tomb
we found.
Nikos?
-The curse!
-God help us!
Come back!
Come back!
There are no curses...
It's a knife.
They think this tomb
is haunted.
Of course, murder isn't real good
for morale, either.
Murder?
It sure as hell ain't suicide,
sweetheart.
Still wanna hang around, Mel Pappas?
What's in that tomb
that would drive men to murder?
The most important archaeological
find of the century.
Something that will revolutionize the way
we look at the ancient world.
It has the power to turn
myth into history, history into myth.
The Xena scrolls.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
And everyone heard the battle cry
of the fair-haired Xena.
Though her dark Nemesis
fought bravely...
...she was still no match
for our hero.
Now, wait a minute.
Xena was the dark-haired one.
The blonde was an imposter, named Callisto.
Well, it's an easy mistake to make.
But the rest goes like this...
Desperate to save
her friend...
...the great warrior woman
leaped into action.
Don't panic.
And Xena saved Callisto
from the fate she most desired...
Her own death.
Before he died, Daddy taught me
to read ancient syntax.
I could be a great help to you in reading
these myths or stories, whatever...
History, it's history.
That's why it's so valuable.
You know, many people doubt
the existence of the scrolls...
...even with this proof.
My father found this years ago
on another dig site.
Your daddy was an archaelologist, too?
He was the best that ever lived.
Covington...
Covington... I don't recall
an archaeologist called Co...
Oh, my goodness.
You're the daughter of Harry Covington, the...
The graverobber.
Yeah, that's what everyone else
called him, why not you?
Well, I'm sure it's just
an unfair description.
No, it's right on.
He'd sell anything he could
to the highest bidder.
But not for greed.
Everything he did was to finance
his search for the scrolls.
And now that I'm this close to proving
his quest wasn't in vain...
...I'm not about to enlist
the aid of some spoiled brat...
...who's trying to live
on her father's reputation.
Just like you're trying to live
down your daddy's reputation?
-What did you say?
-Nothing.
I just mean that maybe we're both
living in our daddies' shadows...
...as different
as those shadows are.
Now, what?
Don't even move.
I am a friend.
If I want,
you would be dead now.
How do you figure that, huh?
I've got a gun at your neck.
I know you was there all the time.
I could have killed you in the blin of an eye.
A what?
Blin... Blin...
Don't you speak English?
Who are you?
What do you want?
Allow me to introduce myself,
Dr. Covington.
I am Lieutenant Jacques S'er...
...Special reconnaissance division...
...Free-french army.
What can I do for you,
Lieutenant?
Well...
...First, you can introduce me
to this charming beauty.
Enchante'.
Is there a point to your visit?
I am here for your protection.
You see, the french government
has a vital interest in these scrolls.
They may unlock the secret
to ancient mysteries...
Powers so strong that...
...it is within the interest
of all decent people...
...to do everything they can to keep it out
of the wrong hands.
You mean like the nazis?
Relax!
I'd never let those bastards
get the scrolls.
Let us hope not, but...
...it is within your family's tradition
to respond to a...
...healthy financial offer.
Hey!
Janice's daddy
was interested in the truth...
...about the scrolls
and nothing else.
And so is Janice.
How did the french government
find out about my scrolls?
Well, we french,
are students of archaeology, and...
...we know that there are powerful secrets
within the scrolls...
...with regard to...
...the deep dark
secrets of the gods.
Covington!
Look what I've got.
The key.
You can't decipher it, Smith.
That's Smythe.
No, I can't, but you can.
If you help me,
I'm willing to offer a nice payday.
I'm not interested in your money.
Oh, come now! The daughter of Harry
Covington not interested in money?
Don't make me giggle.
I'll pay you 100.000 american dollars.
That's a lot of moolah.
Maybe we can do business
after all.
Guess it's in my blood, honey.
Show me what you got.
This could be the ticket.
Shall we try it out?
Bring her friends along.
Come on.
We french make love,
not war.
But in your cases,
I'll make an exception.
This tablet's a fake.
Why?
What's wrong?
No, no, that's not a fake. Look, first
ruby, then emerald.
Here, let me try.
I like her...
Pretty and smart.
-Had to stay and help, didn't you?
-So playing games, are we?
Well, if you don't like my money,
I have other plans.
-Ladies first.
-What a gentleman.
-But, of course.
-Not you, idiot.
It's dark.
Where's Smythe?
He got what he deserved.
Some great battle was fought here.
I don't know why,
but I get the feeling...
...that this was the site
of some titanic struggle between...
...good and evil.
"All ye who enter
beware the rock of the god of war."
Legend has it...
...Xena and Ares were bound
by some deep bond.
By the gods, you are a beauty.
You must know I've missed you.
What do you want?
I want you back, of course.
My Warrior Princess, living
as my Warrior Queen.
We were once
a great match.
I didn't know any better then.
I thought your ways were
all there was for me.
I think you'll be more comfortable
in this.
Now that you do know...
...there is another side to life...
...now tell me...
Are you really having
more fun these days?
I'm fighting for a better world.
My dear Xena...,
...you were always fighting for
a better world.
You were going to conquer it...
...and then...
...you were going to rule it.
Ares' tomb.
The natives very well may have been right.
This place could be cursed.
Well, it was kind of funny
that that rockslide...
...happened just as we came in.
-There are no curses.
-That is where you are wrong.
You see, I, for one,
am cursed with a certain personal magnetism.
And once...
...when on a mission to Egypt
for the French Secret Service...,
...I came across a curse
so horrible...
...that only a man of my
training and expertise...
...could have faced it and lived.
Wait a minute.
I saw that movie.
Yes, of course,
I must have confused it...
...with my real battle
against the supernatural.
Excuse me, but that was a movie,
too.
Yes, but who do you think
gave them the idea?
What do we do now?
We find the scrolls
and get out of here.
Don't touch anything
that looks suspicious.
These tombs are set with
booby-traps to stop thieves.
Well, it didn't look suspicious.
Sit down and stay out of my way.
I'll find the scrolls myself.
Dr. Covington, come here!
Look what I found!
I said, sit down and don't talk.
This stone...
Look for...
Some kind of release.
Oh, my.
Did you ever hear about Xena's true love,
Marcus?
-It's so romantic.
-Listen, we are busy.
We don't have time
for the love story.
But this is so much more.
Xena swam to the underworld because
her love, Marcus, called for her.
Marcus...
It feels so good to hold you.
Marcus!
Evil had taken control...
...and innocent soldiers suffered.
But Xena fought for good.
Xena! Hurry!
They held immortality
in their hands.
But Xena did not give in to temptation...
...even though it meant saying
goodbye to the man she loved.
You must go now, Xena.
Marcus is in the Elysian
Fields forever.
Now, say goodbye.
Keep thinking of me.
You know, you move me
with the story of love.
Well, that is.
The scrolls!
He was right.
All those years
of people doubting him.
And I'm gonna prove him right
with this discovery.
Well, I'm sure I'm very happy
for your daddy and you.
But, wouldn't you say
it's... our... little discovery?
If you even think that I'm gonna give you
credit for leading me...
Listen, who cares
who gets the credit?
Why don't we pick up these little
pieces of paper and get out of here?
What's this?
Don't know, necklace... Something.
Who cares?
The chackram...
Xena's most powerful weapon.
Why don't you give me a try?
If I can't do it, you can't.
I loosened it for you.
You can hang onto it till we get
the rest of the scrolls.
Let's get outta here.
Where'd she go?
Looking for this?
Oh, my.
Hold it, Smythe!
Fire that gun...
...and you'll create a rockslide
that'll bury all of us alive.
Yes, all of us.
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Not this time.
-Get the girl!
-All right.
-Don't tell me what...
-Move!
Apprehend her.
Release her!
Release her!
Move!
-Come now, mademoiselle.
-Quit pulling me.
Rockslide.
We will be safe in here.
Qu'est-ce qu c'est?
What did I tell you?
This place is cursed.
There are no curses.
This was obviously a case
of dormant embers...
...being hit
by oxygen...
...resulting in
spontaneous combustion.
What? Embers don't lie dormant
for thousands of years!
Obviously,
some sort of curse.
What are we going to do?
I know. We'll stand with our rear ends
facing each other. That'd...
No... Curses don't know
fronts from rears.
We'll counter-curse it.
You must know
some kind of a curse.
My grandmother... She was a witch...
Boil, boil!
There's no oxygen in here.
I can't breathe!
I'm starting
to panic uncontrollably!
Pull yourself together, man!
Enough games.
I want the scrolls and the chakram now.
Mel!
That feels good.
Would you mind slapping me again?
I'm hallucinating.
I've been expecting you.
Welcome to the prison that
has held me for centuries.
Excuse me, my good fellow.
I think you'll find that this tomb is mine.
Go ahead.
Take your best shot.
Eliminate him.
Who are you?
The last sight you'll ever see.
My God...
Fear not, ladies.
I shall not go down without a fight.
Did I not tell you that I was captain
of my boxing team in my division?
Ah, you like it? Oh, you're not ready
for the duck, duck, weave, huh?
Oh, please.
Does the brush salesman from New Jersey
think he can defeat the god of war?
Ares...
Brush salesman?
I li...
I mean...
...I lied.
How are ya? Jack Kleinman,
Victory Brush Company, Hoboken.
I tried to enlist to fight the Fuhrer,
but I got 4f'ed.
You dig? So I came here
to fight the nazi bastards...
...so they wouldn't get
the scrolls.
How did you find out about the scrolls?
My guess is from
the family tradition...
...passed down
from ancient times.
You're related to Xena?
Well...
No, not Xena.
You wanna fight, huh?
Fine with me.
You made me mad now, little girl.
You've just made a serious mistake.
You broke my crossbow!
That does it! I'm gonna rip you apart
with my bare hands.
His kind give warriors
a bad name.
I see you've kept
your family's reputation...
...for undiluted idiocy
intact.
For thousands of years,
my spirit has been trapped here in this tomb...
...waiting for a certain someone
to claim the chakram...
...and make it whole.
Now, I am flesh again,
and it feels so good!
What do you want from us?
A simple favor.
It is written
that only a descendant of Xena...
...can release me back
into the world.
I want out.
Of course...
I'm a descendant of Xena.
You can forget it, Ares.
The world doesn't need any more of you.
Silly girl...
-I don't need you.
-You just said...
Oh, you are related to someone
in the scrolls, but...
...it's not Xena.
-Who?
-I'll give you a hint...
Think "irritating blonde".
You want it?
Come and get it.
Wrong blonde.
You all right?
I'm great.
I can't see, but I'm good.
Try using both eyes.
Ah yeah, that's better.
Think you can stand?
You mean I'm not?
Come on!
There you go.
-By the gods!
-What is it?
You are beautiful!
Ah... Heir apparent.
It's time, Melinda.
Release me
and I will regain all my powers...
My godhood.
If the world thinks it knows
death and destruction now...
...wait till they get
a load of me.
Think again, Ares.
Xena...
It's been too long...
Not long enough.
-Get outta here.
-Let's blow.
Come on!
I'm in your blood.
You know you can't fight me.
Ares, the answer is no.
Why don't you just give me
what I've wanted for centuries?
Enjoy.
You can run, Xena!
But you can't hide.
You all right?
Yeah.
-Good.
-You are Xena.
Yeah.
Mel is your descendant.
How could I think it was me?
My father's a thief.
My mother..., she ran out on us.
And I'm related to the useless tag-along,
Gabrielle.
Now, you listen to me.
Gabrielle was never useless.
She cared for others
more than herself.
Terreis!
She was the finest friend
anyone could ever have.
No.
No. Come on, Gabrielle. Come on.
Come on.
Don't leave me.
Don't you leave me!
Don't leave me!
Don't leave me!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
You make her sound important.
She is to me.
Be proud you're part of her family.
I am.
Gabrielle...
I want you to understand something.
We both have families
we were born into.
But sometimes families change,
and we have to build our own.
For me, our friendship binds us
closer than blood ever could.
For me too.
I've gotta get back there,
put Ares back where he belongs.
Could you use some help?
Come on.
What, were you two
just going to leave me in there?
No, that'd be awful.
People are trying to rest in there.
Yeah, 'cause...
Funny.
Wait here.
Nice of you to show up.
Now, release me or...
...they die.
There's no room in this world
for you anymore, Ares.
You're wrong.
The world's become a glorious place.
The weapons, more lethal.
The people, more hateful.
And there's a new leader.
A lot of vision, a lot of potential.
His name is Hitler.
With my help,
he's gonna make a lot of positive changes.
The Eye of Hephaestus, it holds me here.
You strike it with your chakram
and set me free.
You have no choice, Xena.
Do it!
All right.
But you're not going anywhere
till they're safe.
Of course. I'm a god of honor.
What the?
Ball!
I'm way ahead of you, Xena.
Yes!
Freedom!
Later.
-It is later, Ares.
-Not now, Xena.
This has been fun, but, really.
You never give up, do ya?
Get outta here!
Run!
You could'a had it all,
but now I'm mad.
Both of you at the same time?
Why not?
The door!
Run!
-I can't hold it!
-Run!
Oh, my.
The door!
Let's blow!
Come on!
No!
This'll keep Ares busy
for a while.
Sayonara, sucker!
All right, Jack.
You wanna join me
on my next dig?
Sorry, sweety,
I got things.
You know... Things.
Don't say it, baby.
You're something else.
You're a swell-looking tomato
with a nice set of gambs, but baby...
I gotta go.
Dig?
Yeah, I dig.
You were right.
I was, about what?
We were both living
in our father's shadows.
Well, maybe it's time
that we both stepped out into the world...
...and showed them what we can do.
Together?
Well, not, if you don't want to.
Come on.
You can give me a hand.
Then they start this chanting, right?
FIFTY YEARS LATER...
I'm not married to her.
Kanda, kanda. Right?
Then this big, worm-eaten...,
...scary dude comes out
from behind and goes...
Done it.
Ok.
Rob, dude, man, I mean, listen.
I gotta go to Warner's
in an hour with this...
...and I might have to give this thing to 'em,
you know?
Then go.
Tell Bugs I said hello.
All right, listen. Dude,
I wasn't even gonna show this to you.
-These are the scrolls, man.
-Scrolls? What scrolls?
The Xena scrolls.
It's about this guy, Joxer.
These were in my grandfather's attic,
and he had 'em translated, dude.
I mean, listen. We don't have to make this thing
like big budget, you know?
We can shoot this in a third-world country,
using the locals.
And for the lead guy, Joxer,
I'm thinking...
...Matt LeBlanc,
if he's available, you know?
It's good...
I like, it's good. What do you think?
Pretty interesting stuff.
Tell me more about this Xena...
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)