Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001): Season 1, Episode 15 - Warrior... Princess - full transcript
Someone is trying to kill Princess Diana, so Xena has to protect her. Since Xena and Diana are physically identical, they exchange their roles so Xena can discover who's the killer.
I'm here to see...
...the king.
Thanks.
She was a cute one.
Quickly!
Are you all right?
I'm fine, I'm...
What are you doing?
I just thought you might wanna
cover your costume.
What's wrong
with my "costume"?
Nothing, of course.
-I'm here to see the king.
-He's in his bedroom.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind
if you were to visit him there.
In his bedroom? I don't think so.
-Can you ask him to come to me?
-Of course.
Your wish is my command.
"Your wish is my command."...
It would've been nice to interrogate him.
He's headed west.
Go after him.
Yes, sir!
You're a formidable young woman.
What's going on here?
Gods above!
This is remarkable!
I'm sorry... Where do I start?
Try explaining who ordered
that man to attack me.
I wish I knew.
I've sent for you because I need
you to save someone's life.
I am not a hired sword
at the disposal of those who can afford to pay.
But, what about those
who need you?
This attempt on your life
was meant for my little girl.
You wanted to see me, Papa?
May I present my daughter.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
May I present my daughter, Diana.
Princess of Treus and
heir to my throne.
My dear, this is Xena,
Warrior Princess.
Amazing.
It's like looking in a mirror...
...before I've brushed my hair.
Diana, could you leave Xena and
me alone for awhile?
-Oh, but Papa!
-Diana...
Please.
I didn't want to talk about the attempts
on her life in front of her.
She's upset enough as it is.
And now, perhaps you understand
the earlier confrontation.
I was mistaken for her.
I heard from my cousin, Sisyphus...,
...of the remarkable resemblance
you bore to my daughter.
When I heard
you were in the area...
...I thought it was fated
that you help us.
There are plenty of people out there
who could use my help.
And they don't live in castles,
surrounded by guards.
Sir, the assassin has escaped.
As you see, our guards
are not doing well.
Somehow,
the assassins get past them.
This is the second attempt
on Diana's life.
I sympathize.
I'm told that, of late,
you have become a fighter for justice.
Now what is more just than putting
the slave-traders out of business?
What are you talking about?
Diana is to marry Mineus
of Libarium the day after tomorrow.
Now, when Diana and
Mineus are married...
...the two kingdoms will be united
under our constitution.
Our laws strictly
forbid slavery.
I bet that doesn't sit too well
with the rich slave-traders of Liberium.
This wedding is
her chance at happiness.
And this is being threatened by
the greed of slave-traders.
As a king, and as a father...
...I implore your help.
So you want me
to masquerade as the princess.
Just until the wedding.
She'll have to go into hiding
outside the castle.
No, no,
I couldn't possibly allow that.
She hasn't left this castle
since her mother was killed.
Even better.
No one will know who she is.
Look, the people who are trying
to kill your daughter will be looking for her here.
Someone inside the castle
is working with the slavers.
This is where the danger is.
-Name?
-Tesa.
Oh, Tesa.
I'm sorry if I was a bit
curt with you before.
I wanted you to like
my costume.
It's for a ball we're having
after the wedding.
Oh, Your Highness, that's a wonderful
costume for a ball.
I didn't understand what it was for.
Would you like to have croesus tonight?
-Croesus?
-Delicacy.
Yes, I love croesus.
And quail's eggs
for breakfast?
-Fine.
-Akhbash now?
Definitely.
Well, I'm famished. A few bites of Akhbash
is just what I need.
Excuse me, Your Highness...
You want to eat Akhbash?
Oh, yeah...
Just joking.
Who's here from Liberium?
Only my fiance's brother, Philemon.
He negotiated the terms of the marriage.
I'm supposed to meet my future husband
later on today, when he arrives.
You mean you have never
met your husband-to-be?
-No.
-That's good.
Unless you have to spend
the rest of your life with him.
But I'm optimistic. If he's anything
like his brother, that'd be wonderful.
So you like this Philemon...
Oh, yes, he's brave and noble. With sky-blue
eyes and fawn-colored hair.
So, how do I look?
This seems too big.
A necklace?
Hey, be careful with that.
It's not a piece of jewelry, it's a weapon.
-Wow... How does it work?
-You throw it.
Leave it there. It looks great on you.
I was just trying to give it some color.
It seems so awfully dark.
Well, you have to convince
people that you're me...
...and I like dark.
Now, stand up straight.
Push your shoulders back.
Plant your feet like this.
Well, it's a start.
Thank you for risking your life for me.
This experience...
Pretending to be you, I mean...
It'll be good for me.
I'll be among the little people,
learning of their concerns.
Well, the first thing you should
learn is not to call them little people.
Meet my friend,
Gabrielle, on the north road.
Give her this.
She'll take care of you.
No.
That's the front.
Thanks.
I suppose this would qualify
as fawn hair.
Let's see if you have
sky-blue eyes.
Your Highness...
Did you see them?
No, no.
You scared them all away...,
...Philemon.
I should have been by your side, Your Highness.
Well, it was a lovely thought.
Thank you.
Lucky I was early.
Remember you wanted
to take a walk with me?
But, since there was another
attempt, maybe we shouldn't.
No, no.
I feel very safe with you.
I'd like to take a walk around
the whole castle, if it's possible.
Of course. This way.
And your brother, is he like you?
You always ask me that,
and I always tell you the same thing.
He's a gentleman and a scholar.
I am merely a negotiator.
Well, tell me again how you feel
about your kingdom freeing the slaves.
You know how I feel.
It will mae me very proud of Liberium.
And your brother?
You know he believes
strongly in emancipation.
Why are you asking me
these questions?
Well, my father thinks it's the
pro-slave faction...
-...who's trying to kill me.
-I assure you...
All the liberium contingent
coming here today...
...support emancipation of the slaves.
We would free them right now,
if it weren't for the ancient bylaws.
Everything will work out fine.
My brother is marrying a beautiful,
intelligent woman...,
...whose face and smile light
a room brighter than sunlight.
And when he hears you play the harp...
The harp?
His heart will break
as mine broke...,
...and he will feel about you as I do.
And how's that?
That this is the best possible
marriage for him.
Shall we?
I don't suppose you know them,
do you?
No, I don't.
Stay behind me.
This could get ugly.
You have no idea.
Don't worry, Princess.
I can handle this.
Your Highness!
You're running the wrong way.
Hey, fellas, wait for me!
Ah, here. Hold here and press down
hard. It'll stop the bleeding.
You were so brave...
The woe of hearts long dead...
...pounds soundly
in my head.
For a Warrior Princess lives...
...in a world of broken...
Broken...
Bives?
Mives?
Sieves?
Broken sieves. It could work.
Could you please move?
You're blockig my sunlight.
I'll gladly return the sun,
for a price.
Sunlight is free from the gods.
Not from me. Give me your purse.
Listen, you really don't want to do this.
It could prove to be dangersous to your health.
Xena...
Xena...
You look good for a
gold piece, or twenty.
Papa! Papa!
Ok. I just wish
you would give me some warning...
...when you're going to test me like that.
Gabrielle?
Yes?
Are you all right?
What happened at the castle?
So you're Princess Diana...
...who just happens to look exactly like Xena?
It's test day, isn't it?
Well, you're gonna have to do
better than that.
You mean, you don't believe
I'm Princess Diana?
-Not for a minute.
-But you've got to.
I can't pretend to be Xena without
you're giving me a few pointers.
I haven't been out of the castle in years.
I got lost three times on the way here
and I'm missing my father already.
And now you don't even believe I'm me!
You think I'm Xena.
Well, I can't be Xena,
'cause I'm not Xena.
-You're not Xena.
-No, I'm Princess Diana.
My goodness, the resemblance
is amazing.
I'm honored to meet you, Princess.
I don't think you should be doing that.
I'm not me, remember?
Right.
Tell me what to do
to be a convincing Xena.
Well, for starters, stop crying.
Right. I'll stop... I'm trying.
Princess,
you have to get ready for the reception.
Your husband-to-be has arrived.
Oh, goody.
832, 833, 834, 835...
How much longer?
The usual, Your Highness.
A full 1000 strokes.
You wanna look your best for Mineus.
My hair has never looked so good.
It doesn't need anymore brushing.
Only 200 more to go.
I tell you what, we'll do 1200 strokes tomorrow
to make up for it.
Philemon told me
of the latest assassination attempt.
Yes. I went back later
to follow their tracks.
When they ran away, they didn't go out
the gates, they entered the castle.
Someone inside, someone with a lot of control
over who comes and goes around here...
-...is working with them.
-Most disturbing.
We have a traitor in our midst.
Mineus, my future son-in-law, has arrived...
...and the banquet in his honor
is due to start soon.
I'm ready to meet him.
What's wrong?
I could excuse you
by saying the princess has been taken ill.
This is a very dangerous test
of your believability as Diana.
The banquet will be full of people
who have known Diana since childhood.
That's exactly
where I wanna be.
One of them might be the traitor.
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
Greetings, Your Highness.
Greetings, Your Highness.
She's attractive enough,
but her courtsey is abominable.
You said her manners
are impeccable.
They were until now.
Who's the walking gem-mine?
That's Glauce, my ambassador to Liberium.
Looks like a used chariot
salesman. You're paying him too much.
Liberians like
to give gifts to visitors.
Some of them are very wealthy.
Like the slave-traders?
Who's he talking to?
Bromeus, my top general.
They're both above suspicion.
Glauce has obeyed my instructions perfectly
in arranging this entire marriage.
He hasn't got an evil
spot in his whole body.
Now, come on. We've all got
that evil spot somewhere.
Your Majesty and royal guests!
Dinner is served.
To the most beautiful bride under Zeus's sun.
-Here.
-It's beautiful.
I have a toast.
To the end of slavery in Liberium.
End of slavery.
To the end of corruption in our kingdoms.
To the end of corruption.
Death to traitors in our midst.
Did I do that right, Father?
Perfectly. Just as I told you.
Although I think
you may have overreacted a little on the last one.
Bring on the feast.
Now, I have a toast.
To my wife-to-be.
I understand that you're
an accomplished musician.
-No, not really, no.
-She's an artist on the harp.
Let's hear the princess play.
I am very hungry.
Please, Diana, play for us.
As you wish.
It appears the strings
have been strung too tightly.
Maybe another day.
833, 834, 835...
I think that's plenty.
Really?
It looks so flat and dull...
Horses' tails
are supposed to be flat and dull.
Why are you throwing
those rags on the soil?
It's gonna be dark soon.
I think we should get some sleep.
I agree. But why
are you putting those r...
We're sleeping on the ground?
That's what Xena does.
Boy, I sure am hungry.
I could eat a whole pickled
croesus on my own.
Couldn't we all?
I'm not much of a hunter.
Not like Xena. You'll have
to make do with this.
-What is it?
-Cheese.
I've got some dinars.
We could go out to an inn
and get some real food.
Just try the cheese. It may
not be as bad as you think.
What?
You may look like Xena,
but you're nothing alike.
Philemon thinks that I'm
a delicate flower.
Far too frail to eat bread and cheese
and endure a night under the stars.
Did I ever tell you that I haven't been outside
the castle walls but twice?
More times than you've actually been
outside the castle walls.
This experience will enrich me and
allow me to better rule my kingdom.
Yes!
At last, I am one of the little...
...the ordinary people.
And when I'm queen, I won't
be locked away in my castle.
No. I will go out to my people and...
...and I will share
their simple joys...
...and I'll know their hearts.
Who is that horrible little man?
He's one of the ordinary people whose
simple joy you wanted to share.
Hello.
Do you have any extra crumbs
for a starving man and his family?
Starving?
There's no one starving in my...
-In this kingdom.
-Whatever you say, miss.
Wait.
I think you could use this more than us.
Thank you. Thank you.
You said you had a family.
Where are they?
It's all right.
That's them.
We're gonna stay in the woods
until I find some work.
Philemon, what are you doing here?
Care for some fruit?
What have you done with Princess Diana?
Where have you taken her?
Her father sent her away
for her own safety.
-How did you know?
-Lots of things.
Like just now, when I tossed you that orange.
Diana can't catch.
I first became suspicious when
you tended my bloody nose.
The princess faints at the sight of blood.
-Who are you?
-My name is Xena.
Xena?
Amazing. Do you know who's
behind the attacks?
Whoever stands to gain
the most from her murder.
Maybe you.
I would never harm her.
She is the most magnificent creature
ever to walk the Earth.
Her smile is daylight itself.
Her voice is sweet as
a siren's song.
How long have you been in love with her?
From the first day I laid eyes on her.
How does it work?
Like this.
It's sizzlin' tonight, don't you think?
Who are you?
You're not the princess!
You got that right, Plato. Now,
why are you trying to kill her?
Your blood flow has stopped.
And you're doomed to die a painful death...
...unless you tell me
who your contact inside is.
It was the king's general, Bromeus.
It was him who hired me.
Why? Why Bromeus?
He's always been my loyal marshall general,
as was his father before him.
Maybe the slave-traders
got to him with a bribe.
I understand you suspect Bromeus
to have something to do with the treachery.
As terrible as it seems,
it appears he's involved.
How sad.
He killed himself rather than deal...
...with the disgrace of being
found out as a traitor.
With the leader of the conspiracy
dead, the danger is over.
I'm gonna get Diana. Thank you, Xena.
Xena?
That explains a lot. I'm talking
about the harp incident, of course.
I join the king in extending our
gratitude for saving the princess.
Cut him down.
When she returns, the wedding
will go as planned.
Only if you let it.
Tell Diana you love her.
My brother is first-born.
Diana is rightfully his.
Diana belongs to no one
but herself.
And the sooner you both realize
that, the better off your kingdoms will be.
Thank you, Xena,
for buying this food.
It's the first good meal
we've had in a while.
I assure you
that all the corruption...
...which has stopped royal aid
getting to the poor, will come to an end.
I know the king personally.
He'll hear about this.
Thank you, Xena.
-What's this?
-This?
-It's my round killing thing.
-Chakram.
Bless you.
I use it to fight evil.
Tell us about it.
Well...
Like the time when I had
to kill a lot of centaurs.
Not centaurs. I mean, cyclops.
Hundreds of them.
I took care of them all
with my trusty round thing.
-Show us how it works.
-Would you like a piece of bread?
All right... See that tree over there?
No!
Good shot!
I'm telling you, Papa.
They have nothing. I listened to them.
Bromeus wasn't the only corrupt official
in our midst.
We have to make sure that
the charity intended for the poor...
...actually gets to them.
I take it your journey among the "little people"
was educational.
You were right.
They're not little at all.
They're grand and they're warm, and
they deserve so much more from us.
We can discuss all this later.
You have a future husband
to meet.
Welcome home, Your Highness.
My brother looks forward
to his introduction.
Arise, Philemon.
We're soon to be family.
Nice place. A girl
could get used to this.
Well, don't. We're leaving here
as soon as I can get out of this outfit.
I like it.
We're going to be in Corinth by nightfall.
I can't wait to get
my stuff back from Diana.
With Xena out of the way,
killing Diana will be easy.
When the wedding vows
take place, it's...
-...all official, correct?
-Yes.
Good, good.
-You think you can love her?
-Who?
-Diana. Who do you think?
-Oh, Diana? Love her?
I don't know. We'll see.
If it's all right with you,
I'll head back home right after the wedding.
You'll want to be
alone with your bride...
...and there's nothing really left for me to do.
Whatever.
Excuse me, sir. We had
to borrow this chair from your room.
If you'll allow me, I'll return it now.
-Certainly.
-What did you need the chair for?
To stand on when we cut down
that swine who hung himself.
There was nothing to stand
on in his room?
No, sir. Not a thing.
He had to have been murdered, Your Highness.
There was nothing
for him to stand on to hang himself.
What can this mean?
The conspiracy
has not yet been crushed.
Your life is still in danger.
The wedding must be cancelled.
No.
We can't let these terrors stop us
from doing what's right.
Go find Xena. Bring her back.
I can't leave you alone.
Please, Philemon,
do as I ask.
I'm asking you from my heart.
We'll kill two birds with one stone.
Your Highness looks beautiful.
The princess' veil.
Glauce...
Well, all your negotiations are
about to reach fruition.
-You're not nervous, are you?
-Why should I be nervous?
-It's your wedding day.
-Oh. Well... Yes.
Here's where you will crown your bride
and join our kingdoms.
For better or for worse.
Xena!
What is it?
It's urgent
you return to the castle.
Bromeus was murdered,
obviously by other conspirators.
The princess is still in danger.
I'll just...
Don't mind me. I'm fine.
She is a tribute to you, Your Highness.
This is who I'm marrying?
It's the Warrior Princess.
Which means
Diana's someplace else.
Probably unprotected. Let's go.
Didn't anybody ever tell you it's rude
to leave before the cake's cut?
I don't know if this is the best time, but
I'm not marrying this... woman.
Xena, what are you doing?
We must hurry.
There's something that's been bothering me.
What?
Did you tell Diana you love her?
How can you think about that now?
Her life is in danger.
She'll be fine.
This is much more important.
-More important than her life?
-Did you tell her?
-No.
-Why not?
-Because I don't think she loves me.
-That's not true. I do.
Diana?
Philemon...
It's so romantic, isn't it?
Very.
I hope I find someone
who'll make me smile like that.
I'm sure you will. Just don't be afraid
to speak up when it happens.
Of course that's never been
a problem with you, has it?
She's so beautiful.
Look how her hair shines.
-Well, they sure brush it enough...
-Wait till you see Argo's tail.
-What was it like being her?
-Not as much fun as you would think.
Really?
You had people waiting
on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every whim.
Hey, that's what you're here for.
You had all the riches a person
could desire and you didn't enjoy that.
It's just not me.
Thank you. Try one of these.
They're incredible.
We had them for dessert every night.
I didn't say
I couldn't get used to it.
-Thank you.
-But I...
Excuse me.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)
...the king.
Thanks.
She was a cute one.
Quickly!
Are you all right?
I'm fine, I'm...
What are you doing?
I just thought you might wanna
cover your costume.
What's wrong
with my "costume"?
Nothing, of course.
-I'm here to see the king.
-He's in his bedroom.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind
if you were to visit him there.
In his bedroom? I don't think so.
-Can you ask him to come to me?
-Of course.
Your wish is my command.
"Your wish is my command."...
It would've been nice to interrogate him.
He's headed west.
Go after him.
Yes, sir!
You're a formidable young woman.
What's going on here?
Gods above!
This is remarkable!
I'm sorry... Where do I start?
Try explaining who ordered
that man to attack me.
I wish I knew.
I've sent for you because I need
you to save someone's life.
I am not a hired sword
at the disposal of those who can afford to pay.
But, what about those
who need you?
This attempt on your life
was meant for my little girl.
You wanted to see me, Papa?
May I present my daughter.
In the time of ancient gods...,
warlords
and kings,
a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.
The power.
The passion.
The danger.
Her courage will change the world.
XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS
May I present my daughter, Diana.
Princess of Treus and
heir to my throne.
My dear, this is Xena,
Warrior Princess.
Amazing.
It's like looking in a mirror...
...before I've brushed my hair.
Diana, could you leave Xena and
me alone for awhile?
-Oh, but Papa!
-Diana...
Please.
I didn't want to talk about the attempts
on her life in front of her.
She's upset enough as it is.
And now, perhaps you understand
the earlier confrontation.
I was mistaken for her.
I heard from my cousin, Sisyphus...,
...of the remarkable resemblance
you bore to my daughter.
When I heard
you were in the area...
...I thought it was fated
that you help us.
There are plenty of people out there
who could use my help.
And they don't live in castles,
surrounded by guards.
Sir, the assassin has escaped.
As you see, our guards
are not doing well.
Somehow,
the assassins get past them.
This is the second attempt
on Diana's life.
I sympathize.
I'm told that, of late,
you have become a fighter for justice.
Now what is more just than putting
the slave-traders out of business?
What are you talking about?
Diana is to marry Mineus
of Libarium the day after tomorrow.
Now, when Diana and
Mineus are married...
...the two kingdoms will be united
under our constitution.
Our laws strictly
forbid slavery.
I bet that doesn't sit too well
with the rich slave-traders of Liberium.
This wedding is
her chance at happiness.
And this is being threatened by
the greed of slave-traders.
As a king, and as a father...
...I implore your help.
So you want me
to masquerade as the princess.
Just until the wedding.
She'll have to go into hiding
outside the castle.
No, no,
I couldn't possibly allow that.
She hasn't left this castle
since her mother was killed.
Even better.
No one will know who she is.
Look, the people who are trying
to kill your daughter will be looking for her here.
Someone inside the castle
is working with the slavers.
This is where the danger is.
-Name?
-Tesa.
Oh, Tesa.
I'm sorry if I was a bit
curt with you before.
I wanted you to like
my costume.
It's for a ball we're having
after the wedding.
Oh, Your Highness, that's a wonderful
costume for a ball.
I didn't understand what it was for.
Would you like to have croesus tonight?
-Croesus?
-Delicacy.
Yes, I love croesus.
And quail's eggs
for breakfast?
-Fine.
-Akhbash now?
Definitely.
Well, I'm famished. A few bites of Akhbash
is just what I need.
Excuse me, Your Highness...
You want to eat Akhbash?
Oh, yeah...
Just joking.
Who's here from Liberium?
Only my fiance's brother, Philemon.
He negotiated the terms of the marriage.
I'm supposed to meet my future husband
later on today, when he arrives.
You mean you have never
met your husband-to-be?
-No.
-That's good.
Unless you have to spend
the rest of your life with him.
But I'm optimistic. If he's anything
like his brother, that'd be wonderful.
So you like this Philemon...
Oh, yes, he's brave and noble. With sky-blue
eyes and fawn-colored hair.
So, how do I look?
This seems too big.
A necklace?
Hey, be careful with that.
It's not a piece of jewelry, it's a weapon.
-Wow... How does it work?
-You throw it.
Leave it there. It looks great on you.
I was just trying to give it some color.
It seems so awfully dark.
Well, you have to convince
people that you're me...
...and I like dark.
Now, stand up straight.
Push your shoulders back.
Plant your feet like this.
Well, it's a start.
Thank you for risking your life for me.
This experience...
Pretending to be you, I mean...
It'll be good for me.
I'll be among the little people,
learning of their concerns.
Well, the first thing you should
learn is not to call them little people.
Meet my friend,
Gabrielle, on the north road.
Give her this.
She'll take care of you.
No.
That's the front.
Thanks.
I suppose this would qualify
as fawn hair.
Let's see if you have
sky-blue eyes.
Your Highness...
Did you see them?
No, no.
You scared them all away...,
...Philemon.
I should have been by your side, Your Highness.
Well, it was a lovely thought.
Thank you.
Lucky I was early.
Remember you wanted
to take a walk with me?
But, since there was another
attempt, maybe we shouldn't.
No, no.
I feel very safe with you.
I'd like to take a walk around
the whole castle, if it's possible.
Of course. This way.
And your brother, is he like you?
You always ask me that,
and I always tell you the same thing.
He's a gentleman and a scholar.
I am merely a negotiator.
Well, tell me again how you feel
about your kingdom freeing the slaves.
You know how I feel.
It will mae me very proud of Liberium.
And your brother?
You know he believes
strongly in emancipation.
Why are you asking me
these questions?
Well, my father thinks it's the
pro-slave faction...
-...who's trying to kill me.
-I assure you...
All the liberium contingent
coming here today...
...support emancipation of the slaves.
We would free them right now,
if it weren't for the ancient bylaws.
Everything will work out fine.
My brother is marrying a beautiful,
intelligent woman...,
...whose face and smile light
a room brighter than sunlight.
And when he hears you play the harp...
The harp?
His heart will break
as mine broke...,
...and he will feel about you as I do.
And how's that?
That this is the best possible
marriage for him.
Shall we?
I don't suppose you know them,
do you?
No, I don't.
Stay behind me.
This could get ugly.
You have no idea.
Don't worry, Princess.
I can handle this.
Your Highness!
You're running the wrong way.
Hey, fellas, wait for me!
Ah, here. Hold here and press down
hard. It'll stop the bleeding.
You were so brave...
The woe of hearts long dead...
...pounds soundly
in my head.
For a Warrior Princess lives...
...in a world of broken...
Broken...
Bives?
Mives?
Sieves?
Broken sieves. It could work.
Could you please move?
You're blockig my sunlight.
I'll gladly return the sun,
for a price.
Sunlight is free from the gods.
Not from me. Give me your purse.
Listen, you really don't want to do this.
It could prove to be dangersous to your health.
Xena...
Xena...
You look good for a
gold piece, or twenty.
Papa! Papa!
Ok. I just wish
you would give me some warning...
...when you're going to test me like that.
Gabrielle?
Yes?
Are you all right?
What happened at the castle?
So you're Princess Diana...
...who just happens to look exactly like Xena?
It's test day, isn't it?
Well, you're gonna have to do
better than that.
You mean, you don't believe
I'm Princess Diana?
-Not for a minute.
-But you've got to.
I can't pretend to be Xena without
you're giving me a few pointers.
I haven't been out of the castle in years.
I got lost three times on the way here
and I'm missing my father already.
And now you don't even believe I'm me!
You think I'm Xena.
Well, I can't be Xena,
'cause I'm not Xena.
-You're not Xena.
-No, I'm Princess Diana.
My goodness, the resemblance
is amazing.
I'm honored to meet you, Princess.
I don't think you should be doing that.
I'm not me, remember?
Right.
Tell me what to do
to be a convincing Xena.
Well, for starters, stop crying.
Right. I'll stop... I'm trying.
Princess,
you have to get ready for the reception.
Your husband-to-be has arrived.
Oh, goody.
832, 833, 834, 835...
How much longer?
The usual, Your Highness.
A full 1000 strokes.
You wanna look your best for Mineus.
My hair has never looked so good.
It doesn't need anymore brushing.
Only 200 more to go.
I tell you what, we'll do 1200 strokes tomorrow
to make up for it.
Philemon told me
of the latest assassination attempt.
Yes. I went back later
to follow their tracks.
When they ran away, they didn't go out
the gates, they entered the castle.
Someone inside, someone with a lot of control
over who comes and goes around here...
-...is working with them.
-Most disturbing.
We have a traitor in our midst.
Mineus, my future son-in-law, has arrived...
...and the banquet in his honor
is due to start soon.
I'm ready to meet him.
What's wrong?
I could excuse you
by saying the princess has been taken ill.
This is a very dangerous test
of your believability as Diana.
The banquet will be full of people
who have known Diana since childhood.
That's exactly
where I wanna be.
One of them might be the traitor.
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
Greetings, Your Highness.
Greetings, Your Highness.
She's attractive enough,
but her courtsey is abominable.
You said her manners
are impeccable.
They were until now.
Who's the walking gem-mine?
That's Glauce, my ambassador to Liberium.
Looks like a used chariot
salesman. You're paying him too much.
Liberians like
to give gifts to visitors.
Some of them are very wealthy.
Like the slave-traders?
Who's he talking to?
Bromeus, my top general.
They're both above suspicion.
Glauce has obeyed my instructions perfectly
in arranging this entire marriage.
He hasn't got an evil
spot in his whole body.
Now, come on. We've all got
that evil spot somewhere.
Your Majesty and royal guests!
Dinner is served.
To the most beautiful bride under Zeus's sun.
-Here.
-It's beautiful.
I have a toast.
To the end of slavery in Liberium.
End of slavery.
To the end of corruption in our kingdoms.
To the end of corruption.
Death to traitors in our midst.
Did I do that right, Father?
Perfectly. Just as I told you.
Although I think
you may have overreacted a little on the last one.
Bring on the feast.
Now, I have a toast.
To my wife-to-be.
I understand that you're
an accomplished musician.
-No, not really, no.
-She's an artist on the harp.
Let's hear the princess play.
I am very hungry.
Please, Diana, play for us.
As you wish.
It appears the strings
have been strung too tightly.
Maybe another day.
833, 834, 835...
I think that's plenty.
Really?
It looks so flat and dull...
Horses' tails
are supposed to be flat and dull.
Why are you throwing
those rags on the soil?
It's gonna be dark soon.
I think we should get some sleep.
I agree. But why
are you putting those r...
We're sleeping on the ground?
That's what Xena does.
Boy, I sure am hungry.
I could eat a whole pickled
croesus on my own.
Couldn't we all?
I'm not much of a hunter.
Not like Xena. You'll have
to make do with this.
-What is it?
-Cheese.
I've got some dinars.
We could go out to an inn
and get some real food.
Just try the cheese. It may
not be as bad as you think.
What?
You may look like Xena,
but you're nothing alike.
Philemon thinks that I'm
a delicate flower.
Far too frail to eat bread and cheese
and endure a night under the stars.
Did I ever tell you that I haven't been outside
the castle walls but twice?
More times than you've actually been
outside the castle walls.
This experience will enrich me and
allow me to better rule my kingdom.
Yes!
At last, I am one of the little...
...the ordinary people.
And when I'm queen, I won't
be locked away in my castle.
No. I will go out to my people and...
...and I will share
their simple joys...
...and I'll know their hearts.
Who is that horrible little man?
He's one of the ordinary people whose
simple joy you wanted to share.
Hello.
Do you have any extra crumbs
for a starving man and his family?
Starving?
There's no one starving in my...
-In this kingdom.
-Whatever you say, miss.
Wait.
I think you could use this more than us.
Thank you. Thank you.
You said you had a family.
Where are they?
It's all right.
That's them.
We're gonna stay in the woods
until I find some work.
Philemon, what are you doing here?
Care for some fruit?
What have you done with Princess Diana?
Where have you taken her?
Her father sent her away
for her own safety.
-How did you know?
-Lots of things.
Like just now, when I tossed you that orange.
Diana can't catch.
I first became suspicious when
you tended my bloody nose.
The princess faints at the sight of blood.
-Who are you?
-My name is Xena.
Xena?
Amazing. Do you know who's
behind the attacks?
Whoever stands to gain
the most from her murder.
Maybe you.
I would never harm her.
She is the most magnificent creature
ever to walk the Earth.
Her smile is daylight itself.
Her voice is sweet as
a siren's song.
How long have you been in love with her?
From the first day I laid eyes on her.
How does it work?
Like this.
It's sizzlin' tonight, don't you think?
Who are you?
You're not the princess!
You got that right, Plato. Now,
why are you trying to kill her?
Your blood flow has stopped.
And you're doomed to die a painful death...
...unless you tell me
who your contact inside is.
It was the king's general, Bromeus.
It was him who hired me.
Why? Why Bromeus?
He's always been my loyal marshall general,
as was his father before him.
Maybe the slave-traders
got to him with a bribe.
I understand you suspect Bromeus
to have something to do with the treachery.
As terrible as it seems,
it appears he's involved.
How sad.
He killed himself rather than deal...
...with the disgrace of being
found out as a traitor.
With the leader of the conspiracy
dead, the danger is over.
I'm gonna get Diana. Thank you, Xena.
Xena?
That explains a lot. I'm talking
about the harp incident, of course.
I join the king in extending our
gratitude for saving the princess.
Cut him down.
When she returns, the wedding
will go as planned.
Only if you let it.
Tell Diana you love her.
My brother is first-born.
Diana is rightfully his.
Diana belongs to no one
but herself.
And the sooner you both realize
that, the better off your kingdoms will be.
Thank you, Xena,
for buying this food.
It's the first good meal
we've had in a while.
I assure you
that all the corruption...
...which has stopped royal aid
getting to the poor, will come to an end.
I know the king personally.
He'll hear about this.
Thank you, Xena.
-What's this?
-This?
-It's my round killing thing.
-Chakram.
Bless you.
I use it to fight evil.
Tell us about it.
Well...
Like the time when I had
to kill a lot of centaurs.
Not centaurs. I mean, cyclops.
Hundreds of them.
I took care of them all
with my trusty round thing.
-Show us how it works.
-Would you like a piece of bread?
All right... See that tree over there?
No!
Good shot!
I'm telling you, Papa.
They have nothing. I listened to them.
Bromeus wasn't the only corrupt official
in our midst.
We have to make sure that
the charity intended for the poor...
...actually gets to them.
I take it your journey among the "little people"
was educational.
You were right.
They're not little at all.
They're grand and they're warm, and
they deserve so much more from us.
We can discuss all this later.
You have a future husband
to meet.
Welcome home, Your Highness.
My brother looks forward
to his introduction.
Arise, Philemon.
We're soon to be family.
Nice place. A girl
could get used to this.
Well, don't. We're leaving here
as soon as I can get out of this outfit.
I like it.
We're going to be in Corinth by nightfall.
I can't wait to get
my stuff back from Diana.
With Xena out of the way,
killing Diana will be easy.
When the wedding vows
take place, it's...
-...all official, correct?
-Yes.
Good, good.
-You think you can love her?
-Who?
-Diana. Who do you think?
-Oh, Diana? Love her?
I don't know. We'll see.
If it's all right with you,
I'll head back home right after the wedding.
You'll want to be
alone with your bride...
...and there's nothing really left for me to do.
Whatever.
Excuse me, sir. We had
to borrow this chair from your room.
If you'll allow me, I'll return it now.
-Certainly.
-What did you need the chair for?
To stand on when we cut down
that swine who hung himself.
There was nothing to stand
on in his room?
No, sir. Not a thing.
He had to have been murdered, Your Highness.
There was nothing
for him to stand on to hang himself.
What can this mean?
The conspiracy
has not yet been crushed.
Your life is still in danger.
The wedding must be cancelled.
No.
We can't let these terrors stop us
from doing what's right.
Go find Xena. Bring her back.
I can't leave you alone.
Please, Philemon,
do as I ask.
I'm asking you from my heart.
We'll kill two birds with one stone.
Your Highness looks beautiful.
The princess' veil.
Glauce...
Well, all your negotiations are
about to reach fruition.
-You're not nervous, are you?
-Why should I be nervous?
-It's your wedding day.
-Oh. Well... Yes.
Here's where you will crown your bride
and join our kingdoms.
For better or for worse.
Xena!
What is it?
It's urgent
you return to the castle.
Bromeus was murdered,
obviously by other conspirators.
The princess is still in danger.
I'll just...
Don't mind me. I'm fine.
She is a tribute to you, Your Highness.
This is who I'm marrying?
It's the Warrior Princess.
Which means
Diana's someplace else.
Probably unprotected. Let's go.
Didn't anybody ever tell you it's rude
to leave before the cake's cut?
I don't know if this is the best time, but
I'm not marrying this... woman.
Xena, what are you doing?
We must hurry.
There's something that's been bothering me.
What?
Did you tell Diana you love her?
How can you think about that now?
Her life is in danger.
She'll be fine.
This is much more important.
-More important than her life?
-Did you tell her?
-No.
-Why not?
-Because I don't think she loves me.
-That's not true. I do.
Diana?
Philemon...
It's so romantic, isn't it?
Very.
I hope I find someone
who'll make me smile like that.
I'm sure you will. Just don't be afraid
to speak up when it happens.
Of course that's never been
a problem with you, has it?
She's so beautiful.
Look how her hair shines.
-Well, they sure brush it enough...
-Wait till you see Argo's tail.
-What was it like being her?
-Not as much fun as you would think.
Really?
You had people waiting
on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every whim.
Hey, that's what you're here for.
You had all the riches a person
could desire and you didn't enjoy that.
It's just not me.
Thank you. Try one of these.
They're incredible.
We had them for dessert every night.
I didn't say
I couldn't get used to it.
-Thank you.
-But I...
Excuse me.
Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)