X-Men: The Animated Series (1992–1997): Season 5, Episode 5 - Longshot - full transcript
Mojo uses Jubilee as a 'prize' to lure Longshot and the X-Men into a deadly contest which Mojo broadcasts 'live' to raise ratings.
Previously onX-Men...
Don't touch that dial!
And what, pray tell, are you
X-Men going to give this
mind-numbed bunch
of couch potatoes
and the trillions
watching at home?
They want blood and guts
and love and hate.
They want entertainment!
Violence and destruction
are not forms of amusement.
Trust me, they are.
This, if you haven't been
paying attention,
is my dimension!
Get with the program
or get crushed!
[opening theme song]
Red light. Red light!
-I saw it!
-Yeah, right.
Why don't you
pull in over there.
I'll just be a minute.
Don't take all day!
I'm just starting to get good.
I always forget
that clutch part.
Hey, watch out!
Hello, sweetheart.
I don't believe
we've been introduced.
Wow!
Uh-oh. Wolverine!
Who ordered the fireworks?
Where are we?
Why does this stuff
always happen to me?
-There! Take him!
-They mean you!
Nice try.
But your luck just ran out.
Spiral! The Master Programmer
wants him brought back
-alive.
-He didn't specify
in what condition.
Stop!
Jubilee, Princess
of Pyrotechnics, commands you
-to release the human!
-Ignore her.
-She's just a little girl.
-A little girl?
We should probably go.
If that rebel scum gets away,
I'll cancel you, permanently!
Warwolves! After the Lucky One!
Uh-oh. Jubilee!
Longshot.
Come on!
I think we're rid of them.
Whoa! Not good.
Back off, metalhead!
[grunting]
Bad doggie! No biscuit.
We got leash laws
in this town, mutt.
Hey, Rover! Heel!
That's no way to treat a lady.
Cancel them. Cancel them all.
Let's just finish it here.
Just you and me, pal.
These warriors
were not anticipated.
-Time to pull the plug.
-Long broadcast Mojo!
This isn't over, Longshot!
Are you OK, Jubilee?
Longshot! What are you
doing here, pretty boy?
-Are you blind?
He's on our side!
-We don't know that.
You've got about two seconds
to tell me
what's going on, blondie.
I don't know.
I can't remember anything.
Come on, Jubilee. I'm taking
your buddy here
to the professor.
We could use some answers.
What do you mean he got away?
Nitwits! Dim bulbs!
He's still under contract!
Do you realize
what he's costing me?
As if I don't have enough to
worry about.
Slave rebellion, workers
who actually want to be paid,
and my biggest star
turned rebel! Ingrate!
After all I've done
for his career! Who decided
to let actors think?
If you want the little jerk
so badly, why don't you
go get him yourself?
You presumptuous stack
of armpits!
Perhaps the sorceress
has a point,
my lardaceous liege.
An expedition to a primitive
dimension like Earth's,
home of the indomitable X-Men,
if I'm not mistaken,
-led by the great Mojo himself.
-X-Men!
Domo! Domo! I've just had
the most brilliant idea!
I, Mojo, will lead
the expedition myself!
Yeah! Think of it, think of it
now! Longshot, my biggest star,
the X-Men, a proven ratings
hit, and me. It'll be huge!
When you are on screen,
your bulbousity,
the universe
positively quivers.
We shall, however, need Spiral
to cleave time and space?
Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
Gog, where's Gog? Gog!
Get your guys down to wardrobe!
Come on, come on, come on,
we're burning daylight here!
Scramble a remote crew.
We're going live!
[Jubilee] And this
is the rec room.
Sure, you don't want something
to drink? It's no problem.
What the sam hill
is he doing here?
Says he can't remember
anything.
-I don't trust him.
-He saved your life!
If you ask me, I think he's
part of some Mojo-run set up.
-What is your problem?
-Who is our guest?
-He's one of Mojo's cronies...
-We saved him from a bunch...
-Beast?
-His name is Longshot.
He was rescued earlier
this evening by Logan
and Jubilation
from his
erstwhile employer, Mojo.
I didn't want him
wandering around loose,
till you could take a look
inside his head.
Are you blind?
He's on our side!
We don't know that.
Allowing me to scan his mind
must be Longshot's decision.
I suggest he take
a moment to consider it.
Come on, Longshot.
Time to blow this joint.
Don't go far.
I'll keep an eye on him.
The gal's kind of sweet on him,
in case you didn't notice.
I noticed.
I hate it when Wolverine
treats me like a kid!
I'm 15... 17 years old!
I can look after myself!
You certainly looked after me
back there.
You have great courage.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
What's the name
of this dump again?
Earth,
your magnificent abundance.
Earth? As in dirt? That stinks.
Who's afraid of dirt?
No, no, no, no, no.
We'll call it Danger World!
Yeah, yeah,
no, no, no, wait, wait.
Terror World! Yeah!
Untold rating points
will be mine!
Action! Excitement!
Not too much violence though!
Yeah, we'll leave that
for the news
and the talk shows.
His mind is barren,
I think I can help.
-But it will take time.
-I'm gonna go check on Jubilee.
Huh?
I don't remember
this being here.
I remember a great battle.
Mojo's genetically
engineered slaves rebelled.
I, his star attraction,
was their leader.
I was captured.
Mojo erased my memories,
planning to use me
in his televised campaign
to crush the rebels.
My comrades rescued me.
Spiral tried to send them
all to oblivion.
-And somehow I ended up here.
-Fascinating.
Something's wrong.
Better get here pronto.
What happened here?
It appears that the local flora
has somehow been mutated,
-drained of its life essence.
-It's Mojo! He's here!
I can smell him.
I fear that Mojo's continued
presence in our dimension
could have dire consequences
for all life on Earth.
I found something else!
Jubilee's jacket!
Nothing. I can't read
any future for her.
-You don't mean she's...
-No, she's here somewhere!
And we're gonna find her.
So you see, it seems much has
changed on Mojo World
since our television debut.
Longshot's an actor. Who says
he ain't playing a part?
-You'll have to trust me.
-My trust is earned, bub.
And if anything happens
to Jubilee, it'll come
out of your hide.
Beast was right.
This weird forest is growing.
We gotta stop it before it gets
to peoples' homes!
Live from Terror World,
it's the premiere
and final edition
of "Intergalactic Gladiators!"
I, Mojo, programmer
to the galaxy, present
our contestants tonight.
Back by popular demand,
the X-Men!
Beast, the mind of a genius
in the body
of a big blue gorilla.
Rogue, whose luscious lips,
no man may kiss!
Wolverine,
whose adamantium bones
can't protect him
from a broken heart.
Tonight's special guest star,
in his final appearance
anywhere,
lover, rebel, movie star,
your heartthrob and mine,
Longshot!
Their opponents, the gladiators
will hunt the X-Men through
the untamed wilds
of Terror World,
-in the match-up
of the millennium.
-Fascinating.
The first to reach
our lovely studio,
filled with cash
and fabulous prizes
is the winner.
And the bait, excuse me,
the grand prize, a dream date
with teen heartthrob, Jubilee!
Somebody
please get me out of here!
What do we need
this little brat for?
She's nothing but trouble.
Passion! Drama! Ratings!
The other actors must be given
the proper motivation.
Besides, I've got
just the spinoff for it!
Run!
Reckon I'll take
a little short cut.
Oh, sorry, sugar. Air travel
is provided by Mojo
and only the Mojo!
Make no mistake! These two
teams are here to play!
I appreciate the lift.
If you three can draw him off,
I can get to that arena
quicker alone.
One of us should accompany you.
I believe the phrase is,
"To watch your back."
I'll go with Wolverine.
-In a pig's eye, you...
-Listen to me.
I know how Mojo works,
and I know the equipment.
I got Jubilee into this.
I'm the only one
who can get her out.
Move!
This ought
to get their attention.
This way.
Hey, hey, hey, hunters!
I want to see
some serious carnage
or you guys are going home
in a shoebox!
Can I handle actors or what?
We should stay
in the tree line.
Now what?
-A big purple lizard?
-Trust me,
the kids will love it!
Hey, stomper!
Dang!
I sense possible sanctuary
in those cliffs.
Hold it! We're being followed.
You go on ahead.
I'll double back.
[laughing] Wolverine.
Quark, who do you want to be?
The guy who bumped off
an Earther,
or the man
who defeated Longshot?
Good point!
He'll be out for a while.
-Are you OK?
-I heal fast.
Shoot them!
Somebody shoot them!
Cancel them!
No! No! This is horrible!
All this chaos!
All this destruction!
And not a single camera
in sight!
All cameras to the arena,
pronto! Yesterday! Move it!
It appears we're no longer
the star attraction.
Come on!
Sorry, boys. Closed set.
-Out of our way, Spiral.
-Don't you dare
tell me what to do!
-What got her so worked up?
-We used to date.
I'll handle her.
You get Jubilee.
Looking for this?
Gog, cancel
this little mophead!
This will look great
on my resume!
So, Lucky One, it seems
your luck has finally run out.
Bombs away!
You all right, hon?
Remember me, bright-eyes?
My remote!
-Jubilee! Are you all right?
-I am now.
Thank you.
My... my ratings!
I'm risking embarrassment
and possible physical pain!
And there are no ratings?
Spiral!
-Spiral, dear,
get me out of here!
-Take a number!
You! This is all your fault,
you little toad!
Well, you haven't won yet!
'Cause the show ain't over
till the fat man stings!
-That's all, folks!
-No!
Fooled you! Really had you
going there, didn't I?
OK, joke's over.
We can all go home now.
No hard feelings, eh, buddy?
-Nice.
-Nah, just lucky.
Gog! Spiral!
Get this freak off of me!
I want a rematch, mutant.
Pay-per-view, of course.
Fifty percent of all
intergalactic merchandise
and syndication revenue.
Have I earned that trust yet?
You're close. Go on. You just
got time for a quick goodbye.
-Thanks. Jubilee, I...
-I know.
You have to go. You have
a rebellion to lead
and people you care about.
I'll never forget you, Jubilee.
Thank you.
Come on, kid. Let's head home.
[closing theme song playing]
It is the Spire!
The Phalanx will use it
to summon
the rest of my people!
To add this planet
to the Phalanx empire!
It is Self's fault. Self never
should have come here.
Now Selfriends Beast, Forge,
your world is doomed!
Don't touch that dial!
And what, pray tell, are you
X-Men going to give this
mind-numbed bunch
of couch potatoes
and the trillions
watching at home?
They want blood and guts
and love and hate.
They want entertainment!
Violence and destruction
are not forms of amusement.
Trust me, they are.
This, if you haven't been
paying attention,
is my dimension!
Get with the program
or get crushed!
[opening theme song]
Red light. Red light!
-I saw it!
-Yeah, right.
Why don't you
pull in over there.
I'll just be a minute.
Don't take all day!
I'm just starting to get good.
I always forget
that clutch part.
Hey, watch out!
Hello, sweetheart.
I don't believe
we've been introduced.
Wow!
Uh-oh. Wolverine!
Who ordered the fireworks?
Where are we?
Why does this stuff
always happen to me?
-There! Take him!
-They mean you!
Nice try.
But your luck just ran out.
Spiral! The Master Programmer
wants him brought back
-alive.
-He didn't specify
in what condition.
Stop!
Jubilee, Princess
of Pyrotechnics, commands you
-to release the human!
-Ignore her.
-She's just a little girl.
-A little girl?
We should probably go.
If that rebel scum gets away,
I'll cancel you, permanently!
Warwolves! After the Lucky One!
Uh-oh. Jubilee!
Longshot.
Come on!
I think we're rid of them.
Whoa! Not good.
Back off, metalhead!
[grunting]
Bad doggie! No biscuit.
We got leash laws
in this town, mutt.
Hey, Rover! Heel!
That's no way to treat a lady.
Cancel them. Cancel them all.
Let's just finish it here.
Just you and me, pal.
These warriors
were not anticipated.
-Time to pull the plug.
-Long broadcast Mojo!
This isn't over, Longshot!
Are you OK, Jubilee?
Longshot! What are you
doing here, pretty boy?
-Are you blind?
He's on our side!
-We don't know that.
You've got about two seconds
to tell me
what's going on, blondie.
I don't know.
I can't remember anything.
Come on, Jubilee. I'm taking
your buddy here
to the professor.
We could use some answers.
What do you mean he got away?
Nitwits! Dim bulbs!
He's still under contract!
Do you realize
what he's costing me?
As if I don't have enough to
worry about.
Slave rebellion, workers
who actually want to be paid,
and my biggest star
turned rebel! Ingrate!
After all I've done
for his career! Who decided
to let actors think?
If you want the little jerk
so badly, why don't you
go get him yourself?
You presumptuous stack
of armpits!
Perhaps the sorceress
has a point,
my lardaceous liege.
An expedition to a primitive
dimension like Earth's,
home of the indomitable X-Men,
if I'm not mistaken,
-led by the great Mojo himself.
-X-Men!
Domo! Domo! I've just had
the most brilliant idea!
I, Mojo, will lead
the expedition myself!
Yeah! Think of it, think of it
now! Longshot, my biggest star,
the X-Men, a proven ratings
hit, and me. It'll be huge!
When you are on screen,
your bulbousity,
the universe
positively quivers.
We shall, however, need Spiral
to cleave time and space?
Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
Gog, where's Gog? Gog!
Get your guys down to wardrobe!
Come on, come on, come on,
we're burning daylight here!
Scramble a remote crew.
We're going live!
[Jubilee] And this
is the rec room.
Sure, you don't want something
to drink? It's no problem.
What the sam hill
is he doing here?
Says he can't remember
anything.
-I don't trust him.
-He saved your life!
If you ask me, I think he's
part of some Mojo-run set up.
-What is your problem?
-Who is our guest?
-He's one of Mojo's cronies...
-We saved him from a bunch...
-Beast?
-His name is Longshot.
He was rescued earlier
this evening by Logan
and Jubilation
from his
erstwhile employer, Mojo.
I didn't want him
wandering around loose,
till you could take a look
inside his head.
Are you blind?
He's on our side!
We don't know that.
Allowing me to scan his mind
must be Longshot's decision.
I suggest he take
a moment to consider it.
Come on, Longshot.
Time to blow this joint.
Don't go far.
I'll keep an eye on him.
The gal's kind of sweet on him,
in case you didn't notice.
I noticed.
I hate it when Wolverine
treats me like a kid!
I'm 15... 17 years old!
I can look after myself!
You certainly looked after me
back there.
You have great courage.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
What's the name
of this dump again?
Earth,
your magnificent abundance.
Earth? As in dirt? That stinks.
Who's afraid of dirt?
No, no, no, no, no.
We'll call it Danger World!
Yeah, yeah,
no, no, no, wait, wait.
Terror World! Yeah!
Untold rating points
will be mine!
Action! Excitement!
Not too much violence though!
Yeah, we'll leave that
for the news
and the talk shows.
His mind is barren,
I think I can help.
-But it will take time.
-I'm gonna go check on Jubilee.
Huh?
I don't remember
this being here.
I remember a great battle.
Mojo's genetically
engineered slaves rebelled.
I, his star attraction,
was their leader.
I was captured.
Mojo erased my memories,
planning to use me
in his televised campaign
to crush the rebels.
My comrades rescued me.
Spiral tried to send them
all to oblivion.
-And somehow I ended up here.
-Fascinating.
Something's wrong.
Better get here pronto.
What happened here?
It appears that the local flora
has somehow been mutated,
-drained of its life essence.
-It's Mojo! He's here!
I can smell him.
I fear that Mojo's continued
presence in our dimension
could have dire consequences
for all life on Earth.
I found something else!
Jubilee's jacket!
Nothing. I can't read
any future for her.
-You don't mean she's...
-No, she's here somewhere!
And we're gonna find her.
So you see, it seems much has
changed on Mojo World
since our television debut.
Longshot's an actor. Who says
he ain't playing a part?
-You'll have to trust me.
-My trust is earned, bub.
And if anything happens
to Jubilee, it'll come
out of your hide.
Beast was right.
This weird forest is growing.
We gotta stop it before it gets
to peoples' homes!
Live from Terror World,
it's the premiere
and final edition
of "Intergalactic Gladiators!"
I, Mojo, programmer
to the galaxy, present
our contestants tonight.
Back by popular demand,
the X-Men!
Beast, the mind of a genius
in the body
of a big blue gorilla.
Rogue, whose luscious lips,
no man may kiss!
Wolverine,
whose adamantium bones
can't protect him
from a broken heart.
Tonight's special guest star,
in his final appearance
anywhere,
lover, rebel, movie star,
your heartthrob and mine,
Longshot!
Their opponents, the gladiators
will hunt the X-Men through
the untamed wilds
of Terror World,
-in the match-up
of the millennium.
-Fascinating.
The first to reach
our lovely studio,
filled with cash
and fabulous prizes
is the winner.
And the bait, excuse me,
the grand prize, a dream date
with teen heartthrob, Jubilee!
Somebody
please get me out of here!
What do we need
this little brat for?
She's nothing but trouble.
Passion! Drama! Ratings!
The other actors must be given
the proper motivation.
Besides, I've got
just the spinoff for it!
Run!
Reckon I'll take
a little short cut.
Oh, sorry, sugar. Air travel
is provided by Mojo
and only the Mojo!
Make no mistake! These two
teams are here to play!
I appreciate the lift.
If you three can draw him off,
I can get to that arena
quicker alone.
One of us should accompany you.
I believe the phrase is,
"To watch your back."
I'll go with Wolverine.
-In a pig's eye, you...
-Listen to me.
I know how Mojo works,
and I know the equipment.
I got Jubilee into this.
I'm the only one
who can get her out.
Move!
This ought
to get their attention.
This way.
Hey, hey, hey, hunters!
I want to see
some serious carnage
or you guys are going home
in a shoebox!
Can I handle actors or what?
We should stay
in the tree line.
Now what?
-A big purple lizard?
-Trust me,
the kids will love it!
Hey, stomper!
Dang!
I sense possible sanctuary
in those cliffs.
Hold it! We're being followed.
You go on ahead.
I'll double back.
[laughing] Wolverine.
Quark, who do you want to be?
The guy who bumped off
an Earther,
or the man
who defeated Longshot?
Good point!
He'll be out for a while.
-Are you OK?
-I heal fast.
Shoot them!
Somebody shoot them!
Cancel them!
No! No! This is horrible!
All this chaos!
All this destruction!
And not a single camera
in sight!
All cameras to the arena,
pronto! Yesterday! Move it!
It appears we're no longer
the star attraction.
Come on!
Sorry, boys. Closed set.
-Out of our way, Spiral.
-Don't you dare
tell me what to do!
-What got her so worked up?
-We used to date.
I'll handle her.
You get Jubilee.
Looking for this?
Gog, cancel
this little mophead!
This will look great
on my resume!
So, Lucky One, it seems
your luck has finally run out.
Bombs away!
You all right, hon?
Remember me, bright-eyes?
My remote!
-Jubilee! Are you all right?
-I am now.
Thank you.
My... my ratings!
I'm risking embarrassment
and possible physical pain!
And there are no ratings?
Spiral!
-Spiral, dear,
get me out of here!
-Take a number!
You! This is all your fault,
you little toad!
Well, you haven't won yet!
'Cause the show ain't over
till the fat man stings!
-That's all, folks!
-No!
Fooled you! Really had you
going there, didn't I?
OK, joke's over.
We can all go home now.
No hard feelings, eh, buddy?
-Nice.
-Nah, just lucky.
Gog! Spiral!
Get this freak off of me!
I want a rematch, mutant.
Pay-per-view, of course.
Fifty percent of all
intergalactic merchandise
and syndication revenue.
Have I earned that trust yet?
You're close. Go on. You just
got time for a quick goodbye.
-Thanks. Jubilee, I...
-I know.
You have to go. You have
a rebellion to lead
and people you care about.
I'll never forget you, Jubilee.
Thank you.
Come on, kid. Let's head home.
[closing theme song playing]
It is the Spire!
The Phalanx will use it
to summon
the rest of my people!
To add this planet
to the Phalanx empire!
It is Self's fault. Self never
should have come here.
Now Selfriends Beast, Forge,
your world is doomed!