Wynonna Earp (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - I Fall To Pieces - full transcript
Previously on "Wynonna Earp".
A kid is missing.
I'm retiring.
To Sheriff Nicole Haught.
Charlie. Is this you flirting?
My baby daddy is married to a vampire.
I don't like you at all.
- Are you sure?
- Stop pretending
that this isn't what you came here for.
He was kind, honest. His name was Julian.
My dad was an angel.
You were born out of love.
We can find Julian if you want.
What's in it for me?
OK. Slow down.
This is the last time we're doing this.
Since we both have stressful jobs
and everything
we could keep doing this
to take the edge off?
I'm all edge, Charlie.
If you can't handle that.
You may handle me however you please.
Good morning guys.
I'm Deputy Nicole Haught, and I'm here
hoping to earn your vote for Sheriff.
Shit, shittyshit!
I thought that was going pretty good.
How's Purgatory's finest this morning?
Thank you, sincerely, for all that you do.
I know it's not an easy job.
Nedley calls us Hose Jockeys.
Sheriff Nedley's sense of humour
leaves a lot to be desired.
And rest assured when I am Sheriff
you will be both respected and supported.
I will also pre-order
a dozen of your calendars.
I'm April this year.
Happy Easter to me.
I had no idea Officer Haught was
your sister's girlfriend. That's so weird.
You're not one of those "Adam & Eve,
not Adam & Steve" people are you?
God no. Purgatory Pride
is my favourite event of the year.
Purgatory has a Pride?
Yeah, we painted the fire engine rainbow.
Nicole warned me about you.
That I'm super flexible?
No, that you're a hot mess.
Well, it's better than a cold... tidy.
This was fun. Thanks for the...
Pump?
- That's gross.
- Backdraft?
- Did we do that?
- Heat?
Was that me?
Nothing to see here. Just an adult woman,
with adult woman needs.
Leaving a fire hall.
- You need a ride.
- I had a ride, I need a nap.
And a ride.
So you and Doc, not a thing anymore?
We were never a thing.
And I haven't seen him for a week.
Burns like a mother...!
What have I done?
Bulshar's ring is rejecting you.
Now that you're compromised.
Don't worry, my love.
Now we're linked together forever.
Just like you wanted.
Just like I wanted...
What's with the children's choir?
A bunch of Omicron Tau Psi's,
slumming it from the big city.
We confiscated their
party bus this morning.
Who party buses at 10 am?
The deeply committed.
♪ Drink up friends, drink up brothers!
Drink up all you sexy mothers. ♪
Maybe later.
Sorry, yeah, I... dozed off.
What's all this?
Oh, since closing down the abattoir
thereby rescuing my new tall n' jazzy
maybe kinda boyfriend
I've been trying to figure out
where Bulshar could've moved his operation.
Nice! Also... When was the last time
you went home? Or ate?
That depends. What day is it?
We're gonna need to get you a falafel.
Push with your legs.
Shut up with your mouth.
Am I finally gonna see your sex cave?
It's more of a closet.
Retired Nedley is kinky.
Everything in there, I seized
from crime scenes that didn't feel kosher.
Ones with a supernatural element.
Why didn't you turn them over to Dolls?
Well, initially I wasn't sure
I could trust him. Now I know...
How long have you been hiding this stuff?
Since I became Sheriff.
Oh, we're gonna find dinosaur bones.
Ha ha. It's up to you two to decide
what to keep, what to burn.
Huh. It's like Hoarders meets StorageWars.
And I for one, am here for it.
How're you making out
getting city council's stamp of approval?
Well, Bunny Loblaw won't return my calls.
That stuck-up Tuesday's still around?
Yup. And reigning over city council
with an iron fistula.
Bunny Loblaw's
the real king maker here in Purgatory.
And she won't return your calls
because she's a bully.
Bullies smell fear,
they just get more vicious.
Yeah dummy, everyone knows that.
You get her on your own turf, you look
her dead in the eye and you tell her
that you're the only person for the job.
Right. I am going to call her
and I'm gonna set up a meeting.
Bunny's gonna eat her for lunch.
Nedley, are you looking at my ass?
No.
This will have to do.
Shouldn't sneak around when there's
a gun-toting mental patient on the loose.
I thought we were friends.
You bailed right in the middle
of my Christmas feast.
You find my brussel sprouts offensive?
I do apologise, ma'am,
but something came up.
You're gonna make it up to me.
I fear this is about to get weird.
Don't worry. I'll drive if you're tired.
I do not understand.
I need to get out of here.
Just for a little while.
Cabin fever.
You don't know the half of it.
Oh, I just might.
OK, let's go,
before I roll you for your keys.
What do you think about this?
Urn. Nice.
OK, but is it supernatural?
Supernaturally oogly.
Hey, can you check this out?
I found Nedley's old police memo.
November 9th, 1996.
Raccoon stuck in drop ceiling.
Call cleared but now require rabies shot.
Wynonna? Can you...
Like a little help here, please?
Holy shit. Baby Nedley.
When you're done with story time,
could you please do some actual work?
Nicole, you're a smart-ish girl.
Surely you've figured out by now
that this whole "cleaning out the secret
locker" job is bullshit.
Nedley made it up
to make us practice working together.
He parent trapped us?
None of this stuff matters.
And it sure as hell isn't gonna help us
with our Bulshar problem.
Alright, well, you might be fine to sit
on your ass and do nothing.
But I'm not.
Especially after what he did to Dolls.
You want my help? Fine, Nicole.
Yes. Thank you.
No problem. Crap. Crap.
Definitely crap. Not crap. More crap!
Wynonna, you're being reckless.
- Super crap!
- Whoa!
You know what, Deputy Dipshit,
that's kinda my brand.
And it's been working fine so far.
God, I am so sick of your attitude...
Smooth move, Ginger Spice. You just
earned yourself seven years bad luck.
Hey Tayla. You seen Doc around lately?
Nah.
I'll have a whiskey. Leave the bottle.
Whatcha got there, Sheriff?
Ginger ale. And it's just Randy now.
Didn't peg you for a
teetotaller, "Just Randy".
Well, I'm still on duty.
Those drunken frat boys from the big city
got me running my ass off.
One of the many, many jobs
I won't miss when I retire.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Oh.
Look what I found
for your retirement party slide-show.
It's like your top lip
is wearing a skinny tie.
How's it going in the evidence locker?
Ugh... Nicole smashed some stuff.
Big surprise.
It's gotta be hard to move around
with a giant pickle up your ass, though.
Give her some slack, Wynonna.
You know me. I love slack.
But that chick all work and no play.
Next thing you know,
she's gonna be chopping people up
with an axe like...
that dude in the hotel.
Dave at the Motor Inn?
Him too.
Well, go easy on Nicole.
You two have more in common than you think.
Well, it's worth a shot, I guess.
OK.
Hi! Bunny. Um, come on in.
- I did.
- Can I take your coat?
Why? So you can rifle through the pockets?
Oh, what on God's flat earth is that?
Oh, that's just Calamity Jane.
Please don't worry she's super friendly.
I don't care what it is. Either she goes
or I go. I am deathly allergic.
Right. OK. OK. Come on girly.
Calamity, you're getting fat.
Okay, just make yourself cosy.
Just one second. I'll be right back.
Disgusting.
I am sorry, ma'am.
Willa would be very sorry about Willa.
That was always her first thought.
Willa was Ward's pet.
God, she was spoiled, and she had a mean
streak. She would have been a terrible heir.
She was just a child.
Yeah, she was my baby.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you.
Hey, where are you going now?
Come on. I'll tell you which way to turn.
Ms Gibson. Michelle. It's freezing out
here. Oh, stop being a wiener. Come on.
Besides, I know you got a bottle of
tequila stashed under your seat.
That's gonna get us through.
So, I have some great ideas
on how to make the town safer
and the department run more efficiently.
Well, that's all well and good,
Deputy Haught. But my main concern is this.
Randy Nedley is full of shit.
Excuse me?
I am so sick and tired
of being kept in the dark about all
the strange occurrences in Purgatory.
I won't be lied to about what's really
going on in my town. Under my nose.
Which is what exactly?
Well, you tell me.
That's why I'm here.
Unless you don't want to be sheriff.
And don't give me any hooey about costume
parties gone awry or zoo animals escaping.
Well, Bunny, um,
Purgatory is a very unique town
with some unique challenges...
Sorry to interrupt. Just need to talk to
Deputy Tater Haught for a quick sec here.
Yeah, this is really not a good time.
Actually it's perfect timing.
Because I'm thinking
of backing Wynonna for sheriff.
You can't be serious.
I'm dead serious. Wynonna, you are
a straight shooter. You're one tough bitch.
- Hey-o.
- And the Earps
are one of Purgatory's original families.
This one...
This one?
Sorry, what about "this one"?
What Purgatory needs is a home-grown hero.
Not some fly-by-night outsider
who, let's face it
is a little too...
Different.
Can I just... real quick... For a sec.
One sec. Just... In the kitchen.
Wait 'til Bunny finds out
about Purgatory Pride.
What are you doing here?
Right, uh, it's about Nedley, and you.
Alright.
Did Buns Buns really
just say I could be...?
Oh no, you cannot take that job.
I don't want that job.
Yeah, cos you would be a disaster.
No shit, Not Sheriff.
You have no police training,
you're terrible with authority
you're not even qualified
to run a Chipotle!
Guac-a-cuse me? You know what?
Maybe I'd like to be Sheriff Nedley
two point oh, oh, I'm your boss after all.
Well, excuse me, but you can't even
do one single assignment properly
without breaking a million rules - and a
creepy-ass mirror - in the process.
Oh, Isis!
What rules?
Purgatory is the goddamned
Thunder dome and I'm Tina Friggin' Turner.
What are you even talking about?
Point is, you can wrap yourself up
in the rules like a snug little blanket
to keep you warm at night,
but I'm gonna go get shit done.
Balls, Bunny's dead.
Calamity Jane! She's allergic!
- Yeah.
- Bunny? Hey?
I know a dozen places we can hide the body.
She's still alive.
Fine, I'll save them for next time.
Her purse. Wynonna, get her purse!
Yeah, cash.
No! Medication, Wynonna!
Ugh, crap!
Is this Oxy? Ow!
- The tea.
- Oh!
Alright, Bunny, here we go.
Here we go.
Swallow. Swallow.
Come on. Come on you old bat.
- I don't need a doctor.
- How about an exorcist, Bun Bun.
Ok. I'll put her in my cruiser.
We can get her faster to the hospital
with the lights and sirens on.
Don't take me to Purgatory General.
They have too many immigrant doctors.
Ow! Gee!
OK, that's enough out of you.
Go inside, get her purse.
So you do wanna rob her?
No. I wanna get her meds, the doctors
are going to need them to diagnose her.
Let's get her to the hospital
and get the meds after.
What the hell? I will get them.
I mean, you want something done right...
No, I will do it.
Who the hell are you? What is going on!
I'm killing you!
You have gotta be frigging kidding me!
Look who needs my help now.
- What are you doing?
- Get in.
Dude, I had her keys.
What about your truck?
Battery's dead!
I blame your cat for that, too.
Okay, well, I should drive. Because
then we're not stealing Bunny's car.
We're just commandeering it
for official police bus...
Bigger fish, Nicole!
OK...
OK, great. I'll call Waverly.
We're logging on now.
Hurry. We need to make sure Bunny's OK.
Sorry, sorry, but it's kinda funny.
You guys have some terrible luck today.
Like black fly
in your Chardonnay kind of terrible.
Speed it up, Jagged Little Nerd.
OK, I'm pinging the cruiser's GPS
and good news, it's parked.
Bunny Nut Cheerios! You need to hurry.
Of course those two frat brats
drove your car to a biker bar.
Maybe they're friendly bikers
hosting a Golden Girls Trivia Night.
We're not in St Olaf anymore.
Get me out of here, you white trash tart!
I see you're feeling better.
Try your handle.
I am!
It doesn't open from the inside.
It's a safety feature... Haven't
you been arrested like 500 times?
Not the time, Nicole!
Luckily, I always have a spare key.
OK, then.
You are a some kind of moron, Haught!
Whoa! The bullet
could ricochet and hit Bunny.
I'm willing to take the risk.
Or us.
OK...
I'll just call the fire department.
They can pop the door off.
- No! Do not do that.
- What?
They'll never let us Sheriffs live it down.
OK. You have a better idea?
Yeah. We go in and we find Tweedle Dee
and Tweedle Douche.
We're in and out in five minutes tops.
We get the keys.
She'll never notice, we're good to go.
Let's go.
Don't leave me in here, you sons of
bitches! You are gonna hear from my lawyer!
Peacemaker?
We're outnumbered.
And we don't want Bunny to think
we went in guns blazing.
I couldn't wait to join the rodeo circuit,
flee this shit-hole town.
Then I came back one long August weekend,
and I got drunk... pregnant.
Ended up marrying Ward Earp.
Well, he did give you
three beautiful daughters.
No, he gave me two.
Waverly was Julian's, remember?
What's it like being with an angel?
What's it like being with a demon?
No, Julian made me feel like I didn't have
to break my spirit to be happy.
I do know what that is like.
The night Waverly was born, Ward pushed
Julian outside of the Ghost River Triangle.
It happened right here.
He's been lost ever since.
How do you know that?
Bobo told me.
Del Rey? You talked to him?
I did more than talk to him. I gave him the
Christmas dinner that you didn't want...
And his freedom.
Are you out of your
god-forsaken mind, woman?
I think we've established, yes, sometimes.
You have unleashed a monster!
Bulshar is risen, sweet cheeks.
These are end times.
It's gonna
take monsters to fight a monster.
Bobo Del Rey has tried to kill
your daughters multiple times.
Nobody's perfect.
You do not get to make those life
or death decisions for them!
Who's going to stop me? You, Johnny Hank?
Hm, if necessary.
Well good. Seems like now we're finally
'talking'. So here's my terms...
What should we do with these interlopers?
Release them into the woods
and hunt them down like dogs?
Or, or we could eviscerate them
right here on the bar?
Yeah.
Are you gonna stay late and clean up
that mess? Cos I'm not.
Suggestions? Anyone else?
That might be a good idea.
Well, well, well.
Looks like today's our lucky day.
Seems the would-be sheriff and the heir
have decided to join us for a little drink.
We were dumb to think
we could pull a fast one on you.
But I can tell you're men of sport,
and, you know
where's the sport in ripping Dumb
and Doucher to shreds?
What are you proposing?
I'm proposing that you let them go
and... you and me
and Deputy Haught to Trot here
have ourselves a little contest.
What are you good at?
- Golden Girls Trivia.
- Drinking.
You really wanna challenge me
to a drinking contest?
Mm-hm. I do.
And if we win, then you let us go.
What happens when I win?
Then you... get to... kill us.
We could've just offered them cash?
I didn't work it out all the way
to the end before I pitched it.
You must be the stupidest heir yet.
Definitely in the Top 5.
OK. Let them Greeks go.
You owe us. Take the cruiser
and the old bag in the back seat
and get to the hospital, OK?
Yes, ma'am.
Now let's get pissed!
I'm worried. Neither of them are answering.
OK, wait, wait. Let's just recap.
First, Bunny has a heart attack
- at Nicole's.
- Yes.
Then the cruiser gets stolen
with Bunny in it.
Then it just happens
to end up at a Revenant roadhouse.
Doesn't that sound
spectacularly unlucky to you?
Too unlucky to be a coincidence?
Mirror, mirror, on the floor...
Maybe if we put it back together
their luck will change?
Well, it can't get any worse.
OK.
1, 2, 3, drink.
Is that all you got? Come on, fellas.
Let's take this up a notch, huh?
Grab the Ouzo!
I really wish you'd stop helping.
1, 2, 3, drink.
How you feeling there, Rolfy boy?
- I feel good.
- Good.
- I feel strong.
- I feel college.
How are you not bombed?
You weigh like...
eight pounds.
I like you.
Ena, Dio, Tria.
Oh!
Game over, lightweight!
What? I swallowed it!
And it came back up. Which means
you lose. Everyone knows that.
It's true, man. Everyone knows that.
Well, we won fair and square. Un-cuff us.
Hang on.
You've been spitting your shots
into this bottle.
No, she hasn't. You haven't right.
I learned it from Coyote Ugly.
I love that movie!
You broke the rules.
Now I get to break your necks.
Ooh good one.
Stop!
- Stop quipping and run!
- Yup!
Hurry up! The cuff's chafing.
You're going too fast and I'm too drunk.
You are literally the worst!
Climb! Climb! Climb!
You found my mementos.
You mean the souvenirs of all
the people you have killed?
That's a vulgar way to put it.
It is the truth.
Is it Wynonna you're helping?
In a manner of speaking.
She must be some woman if you're willing
to give up one of your precious pistols.
It's sweet you think she'd want you now.
You know how your jealousy bores me.
As you really are.
Wynonna helped make me as I am.
I did! Because you asked me to!
My Henry.
Greatest gunslinger that ever lived.
And a filthy, rotten scoundrel.
All this helping
and sacrificing she has you doing...
She thinks I can be better.
Than what?
It's beneath you.
Wynonna is breaking your spirit.
But I love you when you're at your worst.
Maybe even more.
Then you'll know I'm not a man
that does ultimatums.
Or likes to choose.
You have chosen.
And you're mine, forever now.
So go, tell the Earp heir.
See if she welcomes you back into her bed.
You know we wouldn't be in this mess
if you'd just played by the rules.
There are no rules in
this shit town, Nicole!
If you wanna be all normal
and law-abiding do it somewhere else.
You know what, get your ass out
of your head, Wynonna.
You're not the only one
who's been through stuff.
Oh right, I forgot. You survived a
massacre. Yeah that one is legit as... F.
You're right I did. So I'm not about to die
here handcuffed to a criminal
you, by the way.
Oh! Real mature!
You know what, you survived some shit
and I cannot wait for your TED Talk
but get back to me when you're cursed!
Jesus. Mother bad lucker.
It's jammed and not like Space or
strawberry, the bad kind of jam!
Well, aren't you two a pair
of catty little bitches.
I like all that animosity
running through your veins.
You're basting in it.
Oh, it'll make you taste so much better.
- You be Scott.
- You be Tessa.
We make a pretty good team!
Yeah, chemistry's solid.
OK, yup.
As much as I love a feel-good ending,
this ain't it. Any last words?
I miss Macaulay Culkin.
Tell Waverly I love her.
Oh sure, make me look like an asshole.
You owe me a wife!
Is this better or worse? Worse!
There's gotta be one more piece.
Whoop! There it is!
Oh my god.
OK. Bad luck over?
We fixed it! Did we fix it?
I don't know.
There's a mountain man!
A gross stabby mountain man!
So, not fixed then.
Not so fast, Gandalf...
You shall not pass.
Yeah, on second thought, you do you, man.
One of you will be my new wife!
Not it.
Did he just say wife? Come on.
Whelp.
OK, the mirror wasn't the only thing
they broke, right? Wait, what's this?
Is that ceramic?
It looks like a lawn ornament?
He's not an ogre.
He's a gnome!
How does that help us?
You owe me a wife! Now choose!
How could we possibly...
Nicole would make a great gnome wife.
Love me a good puzzle.
She's beautiful and annoyingly noble.
And I know she's great in bed
because my house has very thin walls!
Quick, quick quick, quick! Stop!
You should choose Wynonna.
She is funny, and irrepressible
and she always goes to the mat
for the people she loves.
More tape!
Oh, and she's super fertile!
That was one time.
You stick to that. I will do tape.
I think this would be a really good time
to tell you that
I am a lesbian.
Oh, like you never went through
an experimental phase.
Not with gnomes.
That's very narrow-minded, Nicole.
Love is love.
Stop talking!
OK!
You want a wife, but you need a mint.
We're missing a piece!
I got the knees!
Oh my god, these are...
Boobs? Oh hell gnome! It's a lady.
They broke his gnome wife!
Quick, stick the boobs back on!
That is a lawsuit waiting to happen!
Fine I'll do it.
With the utmost respect!
Just hand me the double-sided tape!
God, I really wish we had a gnome bra!
It's done.
Monique! You're alright!
Aw. That that was kind of...
of sweet?
And romantic?
Exactly how my first Grindr date ended.
I've said too much.
Found it at the old roadhouse.
Doors were open. Keys were in the ignition.
I wouldn't drive it for more than a day.
You never know when the owner
is gonna sober up and report it stolen.
OK, we got some cash, an I.D., oh,
I knew an outlaw'd get what's needed
when I need to get out of Dodge fast.
Oh. But I'm not gonna take your pistol.
We both know you might need that.
Much obliged.
Otherwise, nicely done, Johnny Hank.
I wish I could say the same.
Is this where you beg me to stay?
I do not beg.
Anyway, this gives us our best chance
of keeping them safe.
Seems to be my lot in life.
Leaving to keep other people safe.
Am I meant to feel sorry for you?
No. I would never ask you that.
But you do recognise this, you recognise me
you recognise what I'm doing.
Setting evil free and imperilling
your own family in the process.
Now that I know what happened to Julian,
I have to go find him.
He's lost out there. He's outside
the Ghost River Triangle...
From the second I walked into that barn,
you knew I'd make you leave.
You knew I'd help you.
Sometimes it takes a monster.
Wynonna will be angry.
She's not gonna be angry with you.
She always seems to forgive you.
Still, you may not escape her anger. For
you are abandoning your family for love.
Like I'm gonna let a vampire
lecture me on love.
Oh...
Shit.
Out already?
I didn't even have time to send flowers.
It was just a fancy faint.
Yeah, the cat made a bed in your ass-crack.
A doctor said I'm fine.
I'm as healthy as an ox.
With the cankles to match.
Listen, I am just here to tell Officer
Haught that despite the day's events
she will not be getting my support.
She saved your life,
you incorrigible bitch.
Perhaps. But she does not belong here
in Purgatory.
She is not our people.
Are you a xenophobe or a homophobe?
Why pick just one.
Even though it was against her best
interest, Nicole did the right thing.
She always does the right thing.
No matter what.
That's the kind of person
who should be sheriff.
I'll keep that in mind.
No. Now, Bunny...
Shouldn't we talk about
what really happened today?
What's really got your pearls all twisted?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What you saw.
Because you saw something.
Didn't you, Bun-Bun?
It was just a dream, a terrible dream.
Like the one where I'm on the cruise ship
with all those shirtless Portuguese sailors.
OK, there's a lot to unpack there. But no.
You weren't dreaming.
See, you think you want to know the things
Nedley's been keeping secret.
You don't.
That monster you saw today
is just the tip of the iceberg.
Iceberg?
If you don't back Nicole for sheriff,
I am sending that monster
and all of his demon
friends, to your house.
You can't and you won't.
Bless your cold, withered heart.
You think you can handle
another "fancy faint"?
Then Nicole Haught
is going to be the next sheriff.
OK?
Have a lovely day.
I need to get to church.
You gotta book yourself that cruise.
How long have you been listening?
It would've been rude to interrupt.
Naughty-Haughty.
How's your head? Because I feel
like I can hear space and time.
Hair of the dog?
Officer Haught. At work?
Well, some rules are made to be broken.
Maybe you would be a good wife.
Aw, thank you, but you're not my type.
You cheat at drinking games.
Truce?
More than a truce. A win.
You know,
I used to think you were an outsider too.
And that things would get too demony,
and you would...
go and leave my sister with a broken heart.
Wynonna, I love her.
Ew. Also, you'd better.
And I love you too.
I mean, it's terribly unfair and sometimes
I get jealous because you get to be...
Get to be what?
You.
You're staked to this land, same as me.
You never had a choice.
What d'you mean?
It wasn't Black Badge who saved you
from the Cult of Bulshar massacre, Nicole.
It was an idealistic local cop.
Oh...
That little dance battle
at the vampire ball really did my back in.
Ah...
You were so damn scared...
still so damn tough.
I found you, down river from the massacre.
You'd gotten yourself into a canoe.
You got away, so...
You're the one.
Kept an eye on you afterwards.
You know those folks of yours.
Who lets their six-year-old daughter
go to a music festival in the woods?
My parents were never anything but selfish.
If they could see you now...
We don't talk.
Why? Because of... who you are?
Yeah. A cop.
When I found out you'd enrolled
in the police academy
I couldn't resist offering you this job.
When I saw the posting, I knew
that this is where I had to serve.
Everything good that I have in my life
is because I came back
to the Ghost River Triangle.
You're like a daughter to me.
You're wrinkling the crease in my khakis.
Thank you.
You are a tough act to follow.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not if you really need me.
Congratulations, Sheriff Haught.
You earned it.
Fill the tub with tequila and salt the rim.
I have had a day.
She's gone.
Went to find Julian.
We just had Christmas together
and it was so nice.
We've spent our whole lives
trying to figure out
why she does what she does,
Baby Girl.
We already have.
At least now she really is free.
Must be nice.
Good evening.
I've come bearing gifts.
Well, gift.
This is...
Bulshar's ring. It might protect
you in the upcoming battle.
How did you get it? Nicole had it.
Well, the details are a little foggy.
I do like to day drink, as you know.
Why don't you keep it?
Anyone ever tell you not to look
a gift horse in the mouth?
Did you spend the day with my mother?
She essentially treated me as her Ober...
Uber.
What she told me
may require some explanation.
She thought so too.
Let me just read it to you.
"Dear Wynonna."
Don't trust Doc Holliday.
He's not what he says he is...
Did she also say she set Bobo free?
From the well?
She does love to burn a place down
before she runs.
The recklessness of her actions...
I do not see how she could remain here
and keep you safe.
Just tell me what you did.
Who are you?
Who I have always been.
Don't talk to me in riddles.
How should I talk to you then?
Like you give a shit about me.
You refused me.
Wynonna, I do care...
You are running out of road, woman.
Tell me what you are.
Kate.
You let her do this.
She had you.
This was the only way.
What about us?
What about Alice?
What would our daughter say if she
knew
her father sold his soul!
You of all people should understand
the sacrifices that have been made!
You wanted your immortality that badly?
You selfish asshole.
Watch your mouth.
Bite me.
There are some...
advantages...
to you being a vampire.
John Henry Holliday,
you're not welcome in my home any more.
Don't you do this.
No. You did this.
Not me.
A kid is missing.
I'm retiring.
To Sheriff Nicole Haught.
Charlie. Is this you flirting?
My baby daddy is married to a vampire.
I don't like you at all.
- Are you sure?
- Stop pretending
that this isn't what you came here for.
He was kind, honest. His name was Julian.
My dad was an angel.
You were born out of love.
We can find Julian if you want.
What's in it for me?
OK. Slow down.
This is the last time we're doing this.
Since we both have stressful jobs
and everything
we could keep doing this
to take the edge off?
I'm all edge, Charlie.
If you can't handle that.
You may handle me however you please.
Good morning guys.
I'm Deputy Nicole Haught, and I'm here
hoping to earn your vote for Sheriff.
Shit, shittyshit!
I thought that was going pretty good.
How's Purgatory's finest this morning?
Thank you, sincerely, for all that you do.
I know it's not an easy job.
Nedley calls us Hose Jockeys.
Sheriff Nedley's sense of humour
leaves a lot to be desired.
And rest assured when I am Sheriff
you will be both respected and supported.
I will also pre-order
a dozen of your calendars.
I'm April this year.
Happy Easter to me.
I had no idea Officer Haught was
your sister's girlfriend. That's so weird.
You're not one of those "Adam & Eve,
not Adam & Steve" people are you?
God no. Purgatory Pride
is my favourite event of the year.
Purgatory has a Pride?
Yeah, we painted the fire engine rainbow.
Nicole warned me about you.
That I'm super flexible?
No, that you're a hot mess.
Well, it's better than a cold... tidy.
This was fun. Thanks for the...
Pump?
- That's gross.
- Backdraft?
- Did we do that?
- Heat?
Was that me?
Nothing to see here. Just an adult woman,
with adult woman needs.
Leaving a fire hall.
- You need a ride.
- I had a ride, I need a nap.
And a ride.
So you and Doc, not a thing anymore?
We were never a thing.
And I haven't seen him for a week.
Burns like a mother...!
What have I done?
Bulshar's ring is rejecting you.
Now that you're compromised.
Don't worry, my love.
Now we're linked together forever.
Just like you wanted.
Just like I wanted...
What's with the children's choir?
A bunch of Omicron Tau Psi's,
slumming it from the big city.
We confiscated their
party bus this morning.
Who party buses at 10 am?
The deeply committed.
♪ Drink up friends, drink up brothers!
Drink up all you sexy mothers. ♪
Maybe later.
Sorry, yeah, I... dozed off.
What's all this?
Oh, since closing down the abattoir
thereby rescuing my new tall n' jazzy
maybe kinda boyfriend
I've been trying to figure out
where Bulshar could've moved his operation.
Nice! Also... When was the last time
you went home? Or ate?
That depends. What day is it?
We're gonna need to get you a falafel.
Push with your legs.
Shut up with your mouth.
Am I finally gonna see your sex cave?
It's more of a closet.
Retired Nedley is kinky.
Everything in there, I seized
from crime scenes that didn't feel kosher.
Ones with a supernatural element.
Why didn't you turn them over to Dolls?
Well, initially I wasn't sure
I could trust him. Now I know...
How long have you been hiding this stuff?
Since I became Sheriff.
Oh, we're gonna find dinosaur bones.
Ha ha. It's up to you two to decide
what to keep, what to burn.
Huh. It's like Hoarders meets StorageWars.
And I for one, am here for it.
How're you making out
getting city council's stamp of approval?
Well, Bunny Loblaw won't return my calls.
That stuck-up Tuesday's still around?
Yup. And reigning over city council
with an iron fistula.
Bunny Loblaw's
the real king maker here in Purgatory.
And she won't return your calls
because she's a bully.
Bullies smell fear,
they just get more vicious.
Yeah dummy, everyone knows that.
You get her on your own turf, you look
her dead in the eye and you tell her
that you're the only person for the job.
Right. I am going to call her
and I'm gonna set up a meeting.
Bunny's gonna eat her for lunch.
Nedley, are you looking at my ass?
No.
This will have to do.
Shouldn't sneak around when there's
a gun-toting mental patient on the loose.
I thought we were friends.
You bailed right in the middle
of my Christmas feast.
You find my brussel sprouts offensive?
I do apologise, ma'am,
but something came up.
You're gonna make it up to me.
I fear this is about to get weird.
Don't worry. I'll drive if you're tired.
I do not understand.
I need to get out of here.
Just for a little while.
Cabin fever.
You don't know the half of it.
Oh, I just might.
OK, let's go,
before I roll you for your keys.
What do you think about this?
Urn. Nice.
OK, but is it supernatural?
Supernaturally oogly.
Hey, can you check this out?
I found Nedley's old police memo.
November 9th, 1996.
Raccoon stuck in drop ceiling.
Call cleared but now require rabies shot.
Wynonna? Can you...
Like a little help here, please?
Holy shit. Baby Nedley.
When you're done with story time,
could you please do some actual work?
Nicole, you're a smart-ish girl.
Surely you've figured out by now
that this whole "cleaning out the secret
locker" job is bullshit.
Nedley made it up
to make us practice working together.
He parent trapped us?
None of this stuff matters.
And it sure as hell isn't gonna help us
with our Bulshar problem.
Alright, well, you might be fine to sit
on your ass and do nothing.
But I'm not.
Especially after what he did to Dolls.
You want my help? Fine, Nicole.
Yes. Thank you.
No problem. Crap. Crap.
Definitely crap. Not crap. More crap!
Wynonna, you're being reckless.
- Super crap!
- Whoa!
You know what, Deputy Dipshit,
that's kinda my brand.
And it's been working fine so far.
God, I am so sick of your attitude...
Smooth move, Ginger Spice. You just
earned yourself seven years bad luck.
Hey Tayla. You seen Doc around lately?
Nah.
I'll have a whiskey. Leave the bottle.
Whatcha got there, Sheriff?
Ginger ale. And it's just Randy now.
Didn't peg you for a
teetotaller, "Just Randy".
Well, I'm still on duty.
Those drunken frat boys from the big city
got me running my ass off.
One of the many, many jobs
I won't miss when I retire.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Oh.
Look what I found
for your retirement party slide-show.
It's like your top lip
is wearing a skinny tie.
How's it going in the evidence locker?
Ugh... Nicole smashed some stuff.
Big surprise.
It's gotta be hard to move around
with a giant pickle up your ass, though.
Give her some slack, Wynonna.
You know me. I love slack.
But that chick all work and no play.
Next thing you know,
she's gonna be chopping people up
with an axe like...
that dude in the hotel.
Dave at the Motor Inn?
Him too.
Well, go easy on Nicole.
You two have more in common than you think.
Well, it's worth a shot, I guess.
OK.
Hi! Bunny. Um, come on in.
- I did.
- Can I take your coat?
Why? So you can rifle through the pockets?
Oh, what on God's flat earth is that?
Oh, that's just Calamity Jane.
Please don't worry she's super friendly.
I don't care what it is. Either she goes
or I go. I am deathly allergic.
Right. OK. OK. Come on girly.
Calamity, you're getting fat.
Okay, just make yourself cosy.
Just one second. I'll be right back.
Disgusting.
I am sorry, ma'am.
Willa would be very sorry about Willa.
That was always her first thought.
Willa was Ward's pet.
God, she was spoiled, and she had a mean
streak. She would have been a terrible heir.
She was just a child.
Yeah, she was my baby.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you.
Hey, where are you going now?
Come on. I'll tell you which way to turn.
Ms Gibson. Michelle. It's freezing out
here. Oh, stop being a wiener. Come on.
Besides, I know you got a bottle of
tequila stashed under your seat.
That's gonna get us through.
So, I have some great ideas
on how to make the town safer
and the department run more efficiently.
Well, that's all well and good,
Deputy Haught. But my main concern is this.
Randy Nedley is full of shit.
Excuse me?
I am so sick and tired
of being kept in the dark about all
the strange occurrences in Purgatory.
I won't be lied to about what's really
going on in my town. Under my nose.
Which is what exactly?
Well, you tell me.
That's why I'm here.
Unless you don't want to be sheriff.
And don't give me any hooey about costume
parties gone awry or zoo animals escaping.
Well, Bunny, um,
Purgatory is a very unique town
with some unique challenges...
Sorry to interrupt. Just need to talk to
Deputy Tater Haught for a quick sec here.
Yeah, this is really not a good time.
Actually it's perfect timing.
Because I'm thinking
of backing Wynonna for sheriff.
You can't be serious.
I'm dead serious. Wynonna, you are
a straight shooter. You're one tough bitch.
- Hey-o.
- And the Earps
are one of Purgatory's original families.
This one...
This one?
Sorry, what about "this one"?
What Purgatory needs is a home-grown hero.
Not some fly-by-night outsider
who, let's face it
is a little too...
Different.
Can I just... real quick... For a sec.
One sec. Just... In the kitchen.
Wait 'til Bunny finds out
about Purgatory Pride.
What are you doing here?
Right, uh, it's about Nedley, and you.
Alright.
Did Buns Buns really
just say I could be...?
Oh no, you cannot take that job.
I don't want that job.
Yeah, cos you would be a disaster.
No shit, Not Sheriff.
You have no police training,
you're terrible with authority
you're not even qualified
to run a Chipotle!
Guac-a-cuse me? You know what?
Maybe I'd like to be Sheriff Nedley
two point oh, oh, I'm your boss after all.
Well, excuse me, but you can't even
do one single assignment properly
without breaking a million rules - and a
creepy-ass mirror - in the process.
Oh, Isis!
What rules?
Purgatory is the goddamned
Thunder dome and I'm Tina Friggin' Turner.
What are you even talking about?
Point is, you can wrap yourself up
in the rules like a snug little blanket
to keep you warm at night,
but I'm gonna go get shit done.
Balls, Bunny's dead.
Calamity Jane! She's allergic!
- Yeah.
- Bunny? Hey?
I know a dozen places we can hide the body.
She's still alive.
Fine, I'll save them for next time.
Her purse. Wynonna, get her purse!
Yeah, cash.
No! Medication, Wynonna!
Ugh, crap!
Is this Oxy? Ow!
- The tea.
- Oh!
Alright, Bunny, here we go.
Here we go.
Swallow. Swallow.
Come on. Come on you old bat.
- I don't need a doctor.
- How about an exorcist, Bun Bun.
Ok. I'll put her in my cruiser.
We can get her faster to the hospital
with the lights and sirens on.
Don't take me to Purgatory General.
They have too many immigrant doctors.
Ow! Gee!
OK, that's enough out of you.
Go inside, get her purse.
So you do wanna rob her?
No. I wanna get her meds, the doctors
are going to need them to diagnose her.
Let's get her to the hospital
and get the meds after.
What the hell? I will get them.
I mean, you want something done right...
No, I will do it.
Who the hell are you? What is going on!
I'm killing you!
You have gotta be frigging kidding me!
Look who needs my help now.
- What are you doing?
- Get in.
Dude, I had her keys.
What about your truck?
Battery's dead!
I blame your cat for that, too.
Okay, well, I should drive. Because
then we're not stealing Bunny's car.
We're just commandeering it
for official police bus...
Bigger fish, Nicole!
OK...
OK, great. I'll call Waverly.
We're logging on now.
Hurry. We need to make sure Bunny's OK.
Sorry, sorry, but it's kinda funny.
You guys have some terrible luck today.
Like black fly
in your Chardonnay kind of terrible.
Speed it up, Jagged Little Nerd.
OK, I'm pinging the cruiser's GPS
and good news, it's parked.
Bunny Nut Cheerios! You need to hurry.
Of course those two frat brats
drove your car to a biker bar.
Maybe they're friendly bikers
hosting a Golden Girls Trivia Night.
We're not in St Olaf anymore.
Get me out of here, you white trash tart!
I see you're feeling better.
Try your handle.
I am!
It doesn't open from the inside.
It's a safety feature... Haven't
you been arrested like 500 times?
Not the time, Nicole!
Luckily, I always have a spare key.
OK, then.
You are a some kind of moron, Haught!
Whoa! The bullet
could ricochet and hit Bunny.
I'm willing to take the risk.
Or us.
OK...
I'll just call the fire department.
They can pop the door off.
- No! Do not do that.
- What?
They'll never let us Sheriffs live it down.
OK. You have a better idea?
Yeah. We go in and we find Tweedle Dee
and Tweedle Douche.
We're in and out in five minutes tops.
We get the keys.
She'll never notice, we're good to go.
Let's go.
Don't leave me in here, you sons of
bitches! You are gonna hear from my lawyer!
Peacemaker?
We're outnumbered.
And we don't want Bunny to think
we went in guns blazing.
I couldn't wait to join the rodeo circuit,
flee this shit-hole town.
Then I came back one long August weekend,
and I got drunk... pregnant.
Ended up marrying Ward Earp.
Well, he did give you
three beautiful daughters.
No, he gave me two.
Waverly was Julian's, remember?
What's it like being with an angel?
What's it like being with a demon?
No, Julian made me feel like I didn't have
to break my spirit to be happy.
I do know what that is like.
The night Waverly was born, Ward pushed
Julian outside of the Ghost River Triangle.
It happened right here.
He's been lost ever since.
How do you know that?
Bobo told me.
Del Rey? You talked to him?
I did more than talk to him. I gave him the
Christmas dinner that you didn't want...
And his freedom.
Are you out of your
god-forsaken mind, woman?
I think we've established, yes, sometimes.
You have unleashed a monster!
Bulshar is risen, sweet cheeks.
These are end times.
It's gonna
take monsters to fight a monster.
Bobo Del Rey has tried to kill
your daughters multiple times.
Nobody's perfect.
You do not get to make those life
or death decisions for them!
Who's going to stop me? You, Johnny Hank?
Hm, if necessary.
Well good. Seems like now we're finally
'talking'. So here's my terms...
What should we do with these interlopers?
Release them into the woods
and hunt them down like dogs?
Or, or we could eviscerate them
right here on the bar?
Yeah.
Are you gonna stay late and clean up
that mess? Cos I'm not.
Suggestions? Anyone else?
That might be a good idea.
Well, well, well.
Looks like today's our lucky day.
Seems the would-be sheriff and the heir
have decided to join us for a little drink.
We were dumb to think
we could pull a fast one on you.
But I can tell you're men of sport,
and, you know
where's the sport in ripping Dumb
and Doucher to shreds?
What are you proposing?
I'm proposing that you let them go
and... you and me
and Deputy Haught to Trot here
have ourselves a little contest.
What are you good at?
- Golden Girls Trivia.
- Drinking.
You really wanna challenge me
to a drinking contest?
Mm-hm. I do.
And if we win, then you let us go.
What happens when I win?
Then you... get to... kill us.
We could've just offered them cash?
I didn't work it out all the way
to the end before I pitched it.
You must be the stupidest heir yet.
Definitely in the Top 5.
OK. Let them Greeks go.
You owe us. Take the cruiser
and the old bag in the back seat
and get to the hospital, OK?
Yes, ma'am.
Now let's get pissed!
I'm worried. Neither of them are answering.
OK, wait, wait. Let's just recap.
First, Bunny has a heart attack
- at Nicole's.
- Yes.
Then the cruiser gets stolen
with Bunny in it.
Then it just happens
to end up at a Revenant roadhouse.
Doesn't that sound
spectacularly unlucky to you?
Too unlucky to be a coincidence?
Mirror, mirror, on the floor...
Maybe if we put it back together
their luck will change?
Well, it can't get any worse.
OK.
1, 2, 3, drink.
Is that all you got? Come on, fellas.
Let's take this up a notch, huh?
Grab the Ouzo!
I really wish you'd stop helping.
1, 2, 3, drink.
How you feeling there, Rolfy boy?
- I feel good.
- Good.
- I feel strong.
- I feel college.
How are you not bombed?
You weigh like...
eight pounds.
I like you.
Ena, Dio, Tria.
Oh!
Game over, lightweight!
What? I swallowed it!
And it came back up. Which means
you lose. Everyone knows that.
It's true, man. Everyone knows that.
Well, we won fair and square. Un-cuff us.
Hang on.
You've been spitting your shots
into this bottle.
No, she hasn't. You haven't right.
I learned it from Coyote Ugly.
I love that movie!
You broke the rules.
Now I get to break your necks.
Ooh good one.
Stop!
- Stop quipping and run!
- Yup!
Hurry up! The cuff's chafing.
You're going too fast and I'm too drunk.
You are literally the worst!
Climb! Climb! Climb!
You found my mementos.
You mean the souvenirs of all
the people you have killed?
That's a vulgar way to put it.
It is the truth.
Is it Wynonna you're helping?
In a manner of speaking.
She must be some woman if you're willing
to give up one of your precious pistols.
It's sweet you think she'd want you now.
You know how your jealousy bores me.
As you really are.
Wynonna helped make me as I am.
I did! Because you asked me to!
My Henry.
Greatest gunslinger that ever lived.
And a filthy, rotten scoundrel.
All this helping
and sacrificing she has you doing...
She thinks I can be better.
Than what?
It's beneath you.
Wynonna is breaking your spirit.
But I love you when you're at your worst.
Maybe even more.
Then you'll know I'm not a man
that does ultimatums.
Or likes to choose.
You have chosen.
And you're mine, forever now.
So go, tell the Earp heir.
See if she welcomes you back into her bed.
You know we wouldn't be in this mess
if you'd just played by the rules.
There are no rules in
this shit town, Nicole!
If you wanna be all normal
and law-abiding do it somewhere else.
You know what, get your ass out
of your head, Wynonna.
You're not the only one
who's been through stuff.
Oh right, I forgot. You survived a
massacre. Yeah that one is legit as... F.
You're right I did. So I'm not about to die
here handcuffed to a criminal
you, by the way.
Oh! Real mature!
You know what, you survived some shit
and I cannot wait for your TED Talk
but get back to me when you're cursed!
Jesus. Mother bad lucker.
It's jammed and not like Space or
strawberry, the bad kind of jam!
Well, aren't you two a pair
of catty little bitches.
I like all that animosity
running through your veins.
You're basting in it.
Oh, it'll make you taste so much better.
- You be Scott.
- You be Tessa.
We make a pretty good team!
Yeah, chemistry's solid.
OK, yup.
As much as I love a feel-good ending,
this ain't it. Any last words?
I miss Macaulay Culkin.
Tell Waverly I love her.
Oh sure, make me look like an asshole.
You owe me a wife!
Is this better or worse? Worse!
There's gotta be one more piece.
Whoop! There it is!
Oh my god.
OK. Bad luck over?
We fixed it! Did we fix it?
I don't know.
There's a mountain man!
A gross stabby mountain man!
So, not fixed then.
Not so fast, Gandalf...
You shall not pass.
Yeah, on second thought, you do you, man.
One of you will be my new wife!
Not it.
Did he just say wife? Come on.
Whelp.
OK, the mirror wasn't the only thing
they broke, right? Wait, what's this?
Is that ceramic?
It looks like a lawn ornament?
He's not an ogre.
He's a gnome!
How does that help us?
You owe me a wife! Now choose!
How could we possibly...
Nicole would make a great gnome wife.
Love me a good puzzle.
She's beautiful and annoyingly noble.
And I know she's great in bed
because my house has very thin walls!
Quick, quick quick, quick! Stop!
You should choose Wynonna.
She is funny, and irrepressible
and she always goes to the mat
for the people she loves.
More tape!
Oh, and she's super fertile!
That was one time.
You stick to that. I will do tape.
I think this would be a really good time
to tell you that
I am a lesbian.
Oh, like you never went through
an experimental phase.
Not with gnomes.
That's very narrow-minded, Nicole.
Love is love.
Stop talking!
OK!
You want a wife, but you need a mint.
We're missing a piece!
I got the knees!
Oh my god, these are...
Boobs? Oh hell gnome! It's a lady.
They broke his gnome wife!
Quick, stick the boobs back on!
That is a lawsuit waiting to happen!
Fine I'll do it.
With the utmost respect!
Just hand me the double-sided tape!
God, I really wish we had a gnome bra!
It's done.
Monique! You're alright!
Aw. That that was kind of...
of sweet?
And romantic?
Exactly how my first Grindr date ended.
I've said too much.
Found it at the old roadhouse.
Doors were open. Keys were in the ignition.
I wouldn't drive it for more than a day.
You never know when the owner
is gonna sober up and report it stolen.
OK, we got some cash, an I.D., oh,
I knew an outlaw'd get what's needed
when I need to get out of Dodge fast.
Oh. But I'm not gonna take your pistol.
We both know you might need that.
Much obliged.
Otherwise, nicely done, Johnny Hank.
I wish I could say the same.
Is this where you beg me to stay?
I do not beg.
Anyway, this gives us our best chance
of keeping them safe.
Seems to be my lot in life.
Leaving to keep other people safe.
Am I meant to feel sorry for you?
No. I would never ask you that.
But you do recognise this, you recognise me
you recognise what I'm doing.
Setting evil free and imperilling
your own family in the process.
Now that I know what happened to Julian,
I have to go find him.
He's lost out there. He's outside
the Ghost River Triangle...
From the second I walked into that barn,
you knew I'd make you leave.
You knew I'd help you.
Sometimes it takes a monster.
Wynonna will be angry.
She's not gonna be angry with you.
She always seems to forgive you.
Still, you may not escape her anger. For
you are abandoning your family for love.
Like I'm gonna let a vampire
lecture me on love.
Oh...
Shit.
Out already?
I didn't even have time to send flowers.
It was just a fancy faint.
Yeah, the cat made a bed in your ass-crack.
A doctor said I'm fine.
I'm as healthy as an ox.
With the cankles to match.
Listen, I am just here to tell Officer
Haught that despite the day's events
she will not be getting my support.
She saved your life,
you incorrigible bitch.
Perhaps. But she does not belong here
in Purgatory.
She is not our people.
Are you a xenophobe or a homophobe?
Why pick just one.
Even though it was against her best
interest, Nicole did the right thing.
She always does the right thing.
No matter what.
That's the kind of person
who should be sheriff.
I'll keep that in mind.
No. Now, Bunny...
Shouldn't we talk about
what really happened today?
What's really got your pearls all twisted?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What you saw.
Because you saw something.
Didn't you, Bun-Bun?
It was just a dream, a terrible dream.
Like the one where I'm on the cruise ship
with all those shirtless Portuguese sailors.
OK, there's a lot to unpack there. But no.
You weren't dreaming.
See, you think you want to know the things
Nedley's been keeping secret.
You don't.
That monster you saw today
is just the tip of the iceberg.
Iceberg?
If you don't back Nicole for sheriff,
I am sending that monster
and all of his demon
friends, to your house.
You can't and you won't.
Bless your cold, withered heart.
You think you can handle
another "fancy faint"?
Then Nicole Haught
is going to be the next sheriff.
OK?
Have a lovely day.
I need to get to church.
You gotta book yourself that cruise.
How long have you been listening?
It would've been rude to interrupt.
Naughty-Haughty.
How's your head? Because I feel
like I can hear space and time.
Hair of the dog?
Officer Haught. At work?
Well, some rules are made to be broken.
Maybe you would be a good wife.
Aw, thank you, but you're not my type.
You cheat at drinking games.
Truce?
More than a truce. A win.
You know,
I used to think you were an outsider too.
And that things would get too demony,
and you would...
go and leave my sister with a broken heart.
Wynonna, I love her.
Ew. Also, you'd better.
And I love you too.
I mean, it's terribly unfair and sometimes
I get jealous because you get to be...
Get to be what?
You.
You're staked to this land, same as me.
You never had a choice.
What d'you mean?
It wasn't Black Badge who saved you
from the Cult of Bulshar massacre, Nicole.
It was an idealistic local cop.
Oh...
That little dance battle
at the vampire ball really did my back in.
Ah...
You were so damn scared...
still so damn tough.
I found you, down river from the massacre.
You'd gotten yourself into a canoe.
You got away, so...
You're the one.
Kept an eye on you afterwards.
You know those folks of yours.
Who lets their six-year-old daughter
go to a music festival in the woods?
My parents were never anything but selfish.
If they could see you now...
We don't talk.
Why? Because of... who you are?
Yeah. A cop.
When I found out you'd enrolled
in the police academy
I couldn't resist offering you this job.
When I saw the posting, I knew
that this is where I had to serve.
Everything good that I have in my life
is because I came back
to the Ghost River Triangle.
You're like a daughter to me.
You're wrinkling the crease in my khakis.
Thank you.
You are a tough act to follow.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not if you really need me.
Congratulations, Sheriff Haught.
You earned it.
Fill the tub with tequila and salt the rim.
I have had a day.
She's gone.
Went to find Julian.
We just had Christmas together
and it was so nice.
We've spent our whole lives
trying to figure out
why she does what she does,
Baby Girl.
We already have.
At least now she really is free.
Must be nice.
Good evening.
I've come bearing gifts.
Well, gift.
This is...
Bulshar's ring. It might protect
you in the upcoming battle.
How did you get it? Nicole had it.
Well, the details are a little foggy.
I do like to day drink, as you know.
Why don't you keep it?
Anyone ever tell you not to look
a gift horse in the mouth?
Did you spend the day with my mother?
She essentially treated me as her Ober...
Uber.
What she told me
may require some explanation.
She thought so too.
Let me just read it to you.
"Dear Wynonna."
Don't trust Doc Holliday.
He's not what he says he is...
Did she also say she set Bobo free?
From the well?
She does love to burn a place down
before she runs.
The recklessness of her actions...
I do not see how she could remain here
and keep you safe.
Just tell me what you did.
Who are you?
Who I have always been.
Don't talk to me in riddles.
How should I talk to you then?
Like you give a shit about me.
You refused me.
Wynonna, I do care...
You are running out of road, woman.
Tell me what you are.
Kate.
You let her do this.
She had you.
This was the only way.
What about us?
What about Alice?
What would our daughter say if she
knew
her father sold his soul!
You of all people should understand
the sacrifices that have been made!
You wanted your immortality that badly?
You selfish asshole.
Watch your mouth.
Bite me.
There are some...
advantages...
to you being a vampire.
John Henry Holliday,
you're not welcome in my home any more.
Don't you do this.
No. You did this.
Not me.