Wynonna Earp (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - She Ain't Right - full transcript

Previously on "Wynonna Earp"...

- Wynonna!
- The girl everyone's scared of.

I just can't stop seeing it. Gory ritual,
broken seal, Black Badge owns us.

- Hey, how's the demotion going?
- Kill me a demon already.

You've been cooking drugs for Dolls?

Suffice it to say,
there is an effort afoot

which requires a demon's blood
in its purest form.

Not in uniform! Okay? Not in public!

Have you noticed any changes
in Waverly lately?

She's become cruel.

- You sure you're Okay?
- Better put that somewhere safe.



Waves!

You can't sleep in winter
without three duvets,

now you're out here in your nightgown?

Hey. What are... what are we doing...?

Looking for breakfast?

Right. You never know when might find

a rabid case of waffles
in the wild, huh?

I must've been... sleep walking?

You couldn't have developed
this fun new habit in July?

Hey. It's Okay.

We'll start double-locking
the front door.

Can we just go inside?
I'm freezing my butt off.

Well, come on! Now you're
the one without a coat.

Wynonna...



Bathroom?

You totally have to pay for that.

You know what I want.

- That was rude.
- I wasn't expecting company.

We'll be taking that briefcase.

Yeah, I lose this case, I lose my job.

And there's a foosball table
in my office.

- Black Badge does like to play games.
- This isn't a game.

Give it.

They make sure I can't do that.

And no, I don't have the combination.

I would say hand it over,

but you might not like what that means.

Cujo, pay the lady for her troubles.
And the pastry.

We're not savages.

- Aramaic?
- Syriac?

- Assyrian?
- Assholery?

That is totally not a thing.

Yuh-huh. Assholery.

That seal is an asshole,
broken by an asshole

who let an asshole
crawl out of it. Assholery.

Speaking of assholes...

I got something.

There's a cream for that.

A briefcase was stolen, from a
Field Marshall, in the Triangle.

And you're happy about that?

Dude. Course she is.
She retrieves the briefcase

and snuggles so far back up
Moody's pucker-butt...

That he has to reassign me.
Sayonara, Hellhole.

I really wish you'd give
Purgatory a chance.

It really is a very nice place.

And we're this close to getting
a vegetarian restaurant.

I... I could use your help.

We get in, we get out, with back-up.

Hard pass. Whatever broke that
seal is about to rear

its fugly head and I'm going to
be there to punch the mother...

- I'll go.
- What?

I need someone who can work recon.

Okay, I haven't told anyone this,

but I've been looking into spy schools.

- Uh, there are no...
- Such thing as spy schools,

I know. But I'd be good! I know it.

I'm super bendy, so small spaces
aren't a thing.

I can speak four languages
fluently, and I was once

hit by a tranquilizer dart
and still went to band practice.

It would be a good case
for her to cut her teeth on.

- No way!
- It's a big one, Earp.

We'll have backup. Real backup.

Alright, you're in.

- Come on in and I'll brief you.
- Okay!

- Yay! I'm getting briefed!
- Careful. It might just mean

- she's taking your underpants.
- Well, actually...

Yeah, I know she's not
taking her underpants,

close your mouth, Jeremy.

Focus on the seal.

I have to go break one of my own.

Way too much coffee.

The heat is breaching two-
twelve. You're burning it.

This isn't moonshine.
We're mixing volatile elements

with genie blood.
It needs to be hotter than Hell.

Yeah, well just don't
go blowing up my bar,

because I extorted good money for it.

Is there anybody around here
you haven't blackmailed?

All for a noble cause...

Doc, no!

Thunderation!

You are a woman of unexpected talents.

I nearly burn my skin off and you think

- that is this funny?
- It's just...

"Thunderation."

Let me see.

Ah, nothing a little aloe can't cure.

That's one hell of a life line.

Yeah, well, I may have time
but Dolls does not.

Yeah. The drugs will get done.
Whether he's strong enough...

You never mind about that. He
will survive this. He must.

Dude. That supposed to resemble a pizza?

Yeah, it gets worse: It's gluten-free.

- I'm sorry.
- Ah, it's Okay.

It almost tastes like real cheese.

No, I'm sorry.

That... weirdness in Waverly

you were trying to... yeah,

I'm kind of finally noticing now.

I can't betray her trust.

I... I would never ask you to.

But... yeah.

Waverly's...

struggling a little with who she is.

That struggle is going to get her hurt.

- I mean, going undercover for Lucado?
- What?

Mhm. Not to mention

the short-decisions, rash tempers,

- sleepwalking...
- Sleepwalking? In the winter?

From Ms. Four blankets
plus a bonus blanket?

This morning, there she was,

traipsing through the snow
in nothing but a nightgown.

Look, I'd maim a duck
for a spoon right now.

Oh, yeah. Good luck.

All of the cutlery has gone missing,

including the fork with only one tine.

You?!

Waverly.

Oh, my God!

Dolls?

Dolls, are you here?

Okay, we've really got to come up
with a secret handshake.

Cause this greeting sucks.

Dolls.

Look at me. Look.

Dolls, it's me.

Dolls...

Wynonna.

Ah, no!

No.

No! Wynonna!

I don't want you seeing me like this.

Why? It's not like you...
you have a tail or something.

Ah! I can't control it.

I'm not leaving you.
Can you... can you get to the truck?

It's just outside the door.

You owe me so many massages.

The lock-picking worked!

Thank you, YouTube!

Should... should we have a safe word?

Like if I say "tacos are tasty"
send in the back-up?

Sure.

Whatever. Hey, remember, you're there

to drop off your bartender
application, but you got lost.

Anyone finds you, just smile
and play dumb, got it?

Wait, got what?

- I said...
- Oh, sure.

Got it.

The briefcase is silver, heavy.
It's here. I know it is.

Check every office, every closet.

Hey! Cupcake!

- More like crap cakes.
- Crap what?

Hi!

- Uh, I'm...
- Late. VIPs are here.

- Awesome!
- Okay. Two Mob-mobiles pulled up.

This could be our guy.
What's going on in there?

Hello, Earp?

What's the matter?
You are entertainment...

- Who the hell else would I be?
- Good.

- Be onstage in five minutes.
- What?

- What should I do?
- Sing.

Doc?

- The heck is he doing with you?
- A little help?

This is not the plan.

It's too dangerous.

He needs his drugs. Now.

The medicine isn't ready.

Stay with me, Deputy Marshall.

You never said he was law.

- Is that going to be a problem?
- No. No, it's just...

- She needs more time.
- I need to adjust

the balance of acids
to alkaline for whatever he is.

And I could use someone on the inside.

Okay, well, let me just call
Black Badge and tell them

we have their number one
fugitive and that we'd like

to borrow their recipe
for demon dope, Okay?

Unless Jeremy?

We can't trust him. He's so...

Willing to help?

I'll be here. I'll be here.

Even if you turn into a lizard
or a salamander

or whatever you are.
We'll buy you a terrarium.

Little sun lamp, couple of plants...

Shh. Waverly!

Hey. Hey. Okay.

- You're gonna come through this.
- Last night,

in the barn... her eyes...

She got a look in her eyes, Wynonna.

Moment on the lips...

I see you're still a bitch.

You have to try this.

Bacon. They should
put this on everything.

They do. What are you, new?

Where's Beth?

She's just putting on her face.

I was up half the night, by the way.

That's funny. Why?

Why you didn't stick up for me
with that ginger cop?

- Don't you remember?
- Of course I remember.

Why wouldn't I remember?

I remember, and I don't like your tone.

I just wanted to teach her a lesson.

Well, maybe you should.

Have you been mainlining
Beth's happy pills?

- I don't know. Should I?
- Stop it.

All you do is play games.
I don't like your games.

Well then go play with someone else.

This emblem here is an osprey,
symbolizing solar worship.

Which doesn't make sense.

You know, maybe it's an eagle.
Or Hawkman?

- Jeremy, where's Waverly?
- With Lucado.

- What's that smell?
- I know with Lucado,

but where did Lucado go?

Why? Did our illustrious boss
sit in it again?

Again? What "again"?

Lucado's so obsessed about
getting in good with BBD

that she's, uh, screwing up.
Messy reports,

inappropriate phone calls to...

- Ammonia! Mixed with clementines.
- Speaking of inappropriate...

- Take off your coat.
- What?!

- Coat!
- Get off me, Agent Chetri!

You can start fires with your mind?

No! Polyester and CH-3M5 do not mix!

How did you even
come in contact with it?

I've only ever seen it used on...

No...

You tell anyone
and I'll rip your balls off.

Dolls is alive! I knew it!

- What do you care?
- It would really stick it to BBD.

And?

He's the only Marshall who understood

what happened to my Mom plus one
time he helped me do a chin-up.

Okay, that doesn't like him,

but we're the ones who are
screwed, because we're

this close to engineering
his anti-demon juice.

Yeah, you're just using too much ammonia.

Classic Wynonna.

- We could use your help.
- Ba-ding ba-ding.

- You short-circuiting, Bb-8?
- No. That's where Waverly is.

Thank you. All right.

You go to Shorty's, save Dolls.
I'll get the girl.

Yes. Awesome.

Now I feel like Hawkman.

♪ You ♪

Sorry, can we start that again? Thank you.

♪ You ♪

♪ You think you're a lion ♪

♪ Out in the wild ♪

♪ You need to be tamed ♪

♪ And ooh ♪

♪ Can you year the sirens ♪

♪ I'mma put you under ♪

♪ Like Novocaine ♪

♪ Boys are like rules ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ Boys are like rules ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ Girls are like guns you better
run when they're smokin' ♪

♪ Boys are like rules ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ Boys are like rules ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ Girls are like guns ♪

♪ You better run, run, run
When they're smokin' ♪

♪ Boys are like rules ♪

♪ They were made to be broken ♪

♪ You better run ♪

Thank you.

I had hoped you'd
be good at this, but wow!

Listen, this guy may not have stolen
the briefcase for himself.

I think he's going to sell it.

- A buyer? Who?
- I don't know.

You mean, you don't know yet.

The Black Badge Agent
put up quite a fight.

Makes me think stealing this briefcase

is worth more than you're paying.

- Then we'll double your fee.
- Triple.

My colleagues and I reached
out to you in good faith.

- What's in the briefcase?
- That's none of your business.

See, it really is.
I've been hearing things.

Nasty stuff this way comes.

I need to pad the coffers.
I need to arm up.

Is it a weapon?

I can pay you four times your fee.

It's a big weapon.

Tacos are tasty! Tacos! Tacos are tasty!

Waverly? Waverly!

- Where is she?
- The mission was just recon!

- Everything was fine.
- Was?

There was a gunshot.

I'm going in. Call back-up or tactical

or whoever's hiding in the bushes.

There's no one in the bushes.

I have been blackballed by HQ.

They ignore my reports and my messages.

This is my one shot to get back in...

My sister's in there, you bitch.

Anything happens to her, I'll give you
one shot. Right between the eyes.

Waves!

Thank God. Are you hurt?

- Tacos are tasty.
- Did you do that?

No.

Let's go. Come on.

Hello! I'm rescuing you. Let's go.

I can't.

And neither can you.

Super.

We have to talk.

Next time, book a spa day.

You blew my cover.

There were gunshots.
Like I was gonna hang in the van.

Lucado called you in?!

Doesn't anybody have any faith in me?

- You, BBD...
- Waves!

Don't worry, ladies.

The pussy's well out of the bag.

Although, you may be the best looking

Black Badge agents I've ever seen.

Might be? Please.

Untie me and I'll rock your world.

You've got about 90 seconds

before a BBD recovery team comes in

and goes all John Wick on your ass.

If you mean the ice queen in the van,

she's already flown south.
But enough blather.

What's in the case?

Seriously, Waverly. Poker face.

Sing, little birdy.

If you don't even know what's
in it, why steal it?

I'm a bit like Robin Hood.

I steal from the rich, and
I sell to the highest bidder.

Dude, you gotta watch that movie again.

I did say "a bit."

Now...

Black Badge wants it.

My client was willing to pay
through the nose for it.

But why?

What does EE stand for?

Don't.

Alright then.

Close the club,

and bring me my tools.

We're going to have a nice long chat.

Chats aren't good.

Alright, that looks
about the right color. Come on.

I'm not sure about the dosage though.

Well, he's worse
than we've ever seen him,

so we're gonna have to risk it.

Then hold him down.

No! No! No! No! No!
Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't!

Talk, or the last sound you'll ever hear

is the crushing of your larynx.

You give him that much

after he's been off this long
and his veins will burst,

his heart will stop and he'll
definitely, probably die.

Why should we believe you?

Firepower. Buxom biochemist. Hello.

BBD Science.

Wynonna's decided to trust me.

And we all know that's a big deal.

If our friend here is going to live,

he's going to need all of us.

So, this isn't the best birthday.

Oh, shit.

No, I'm kidding. It's not my birthday.

Wait...

You know when my birthday is, right?

Don't yell at me.
I'm already getting wicked rope burn.

I shouldn't have trusted Lucado.

- There's no backup.
- Well, listen.

We've been in worse spots.
This is just another

bad fake birthday.

This is all my fault.

I just wanted
to go all Wynonna for once.

Stick to being Waverly.
She's pretty great.

There's something wrong with her...

- Me.
- No. Come on.

We just lost a sister.

- Our home's infested with demons.
- No.

You think so too.

I know it was just for like,
a second, but...

you thought I killed that guy.

The sleep-walking,

the gaps in my memories...

it... it all started at that arch.

Where Willa crossed the boundary.

- The tentacle thing...
- Yeah. I sliced it. Hard.

No, there was something left, Okay?

This...

perfect pool of shiny goo.

It... it was calling to me.

It's like I can almost remember

and then my head gets hot
and I'm like...

Okay. Stop. Listen.

Here's the plan: I'm going
to Cirque du Soleil this phone

into position, call Doc for back up,

and then ol' Robin Hood's gonna
ood-a-lally right to Hell,

and then we'll figure out
what's up with you.

Together.

Right. So, you're going to call Doc.

Okay.

Siri, call Doc Holliday!

Calling Holiday Inn.

- No! Damn it!
- Stupid bitch.

I want you to tie it tighter,
alright, just don't

- cut off my circulation.
- Not that I ain't glad

to see you, but you cocked up the plan.

How do you know you weren't followed?

'Cause the only guys that followed
me got their asses handed to 'em.

- Ex-military.
- Courtesy of one vengeful Lucado.

Yeah. You know, I think

you're kind of afraid
that the ladies will cool down.

Now that the competition's back.

Well, I think one lady in particular
doesn't know what she wants,

though I suspect
she will prefer it to be human.

Well, you look really small
without your hat.

How'd you make it back here?

Some guy found me
holed up in a hunter's cabin.

Drove me back to the Earp Homestead

and said that my job wasn't done.

This fella,

he happen to go
by the name of Juan Carlo?

Yeah.

Yeah, he gets around.

Likes to speak in riddles,
more sass than sense.

Yeah, he had a nice truck though.

He also said that
something's been broken?

Does that mean anything to you?

Your phone's blowing up.

And I thought that pizza sucked.

Tucker Gardner, how can I help you?

My sisters. Acting weird.

Well...

I mean, I'd take the weird

because they saved you
from being charged.

I'm sorry.

Did you apologize to the girls
you were photographing?

You're Waverly's...

- friend.
- That's not super relevant.

She's been acting weird too, hasn't she?

One minute, dear sweet Waverly.

The next?

She nearly choked me to death.

Nice try.

I figure that's why you're so angry.

Because she's been
acting strange around you too.

I think you should get out of here.

I don't want to cause trouble!

But if our Waverly is dangerous
then it's a town issue, don't you think?

I could... always talk to her for you.

- I said get out.
- I'm trying to help.

I'm not a bad person.

And if you know what's good for you,
you'll stop treating me like one.

Boo, I was two weeks
from getting a free upgrade.

Cujo... check for guns and phones.

Post guards. You know where.

If we have guests coming,

we wanna be sure to give them
a warm welcome.

You know, I have never encountered

this particular type of metal before.

What? You mean your tools didn't work?

Well, good thing
I have the Earp sisters. Up!

Don't! Don't! Don't touch her!

Hey! I'm only Black Badge
under duress, Okay?

Clearance Level 0 doesn't even
get you a free sub card.

Well, let's start with the initials. EE.

Eazy-E. Eeyore. Eee E-Arthur.

Let her go!

- No!
- Listen asscapade,

I know nothing
about this goddamn briefcase!

- Edwin Earp! Edwin Earp!
- Of course it's an Earp.

So you know the combination. Unlock it.

Edwin Earp, the one-year wonder, uh...

- when did Grandpa become the heir?
- 1967!

Combination's five digits!

- I don't know!
- I think you're stalling.

No! No! No!

Let her go, and I will
get you the combination.

I will literally hunt down my superior

and drag her Pilates-sculpted
ass back here myself!

Wynonna.

That was dumb.

Waverly!

No!

Waverly! Waverly!

Now...

you can unlock it, or she can bleed out.

We are going to kill the shit
out of your stupid face!

We who?

There's no backup, remember?

Woo! This must be the place.

Waverly.

- This isn't happening.
- This isn't happening. Okay?

Waves, your hand.

Okay. We gotta get out of here.

Yeah. Yeah, we gotta get out of here!

- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh...

I'm sorry! Come on!

Come on! I know! I know! I know!

Keep that thing wrapped tight.

- That's what she said.
- God I love you.

Sorry about your friends.

Stay!

Damn. I liked her.

You're gonna pay for that.

But you're not leaving
'til you open this thing.

Look, Ginsu,

that's Earp property.

Thanks for getting it back
from Black Badge and everything,

but we got it from here.

Ooh! Savage!

- Come on!
- Wait! What about the briefcase?

Uh, eff it!

One milliliter an hour

for the next 12 hours.
Slow but steady, Okay?

You are a genius with this stuff!

Why am I just meeting you now?

Geniuses are often unappreciated
until they're dead.

Which I am not.

Which you can see, 'cause dead
would be the worst.

Torture, maybe, actually...

I sure could have used your
help re-formulating this serum.

Oh, they never showed us the formula.

We just studied the dosage, and
its effects on the specimens.

- Specimens?
- Oh, stupid idiot.

Not... Not you. Me. I shouldn't
be talking to a civilian like this.

No wonder BBD doesn't trust me.

- I trust you.
- Oh, wow. Okay. No. Um...

Not in front of Dolls.

I just don't want him
to get the wrong impression.

You are gorgeous

for a girl,

but you are a girl.

Honey, I was just trying to coerce you

into getting lattes
from a place down the street.

I'm...

I'm getting razzed
'cause I'm part of the team?

Alright, cool.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Alright, got the lattes!
- Mm!

Okay, watch your step.

Sorry. Sorry!
That's my fault. I'm sorry.

I hope that really hurt.

- I'm just all ran out of bullets.
- He took her hand.

Waverly!

You want this, huh?

Doc says I have to wait.

Who are you?

This wasn't easy to replicate.
It might cure you,

it might kill you.

Though it sounds like this isn't the
first time you've been a guinea pig.

Shit! Don't!

Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't!
Don't! Don't! Don't Don't!

Run. Run!

Hold on, little darlin'.
This'll staunch the flow

until we get you to a hospital.

I'll go find... her hand.

What for? You gonna bury the thing?

It's called modern medicine, Doc!
They can reattach anything,

- we just gotta work fast!
- Wynonna, where are you going?

It's Okay, sweetie.
You'll play piano again.

Wynonna? Wynonna!

What, Doc?!

Oh my God, wait, who got hurt?

You.

How the hell is that possible?
He chopped it off!

- Did he?
- Yeah! I saw the blood.

I heard you scream. You saw it.

Well, I... I kind of turned away.

The power of suggestion
is a formidable thing.

Doc, I know what I saw.

And yet Waverly still seems to be intact.

Do you have another explanation?

Well then, if everyone has
all their limbs,

we have more work to attend to.

- We'll drop you off at home.
- Now, is this ours?

Hey.

I didn't realize
you'd be bringing company.

Somebody having a bad trip?

- I told you to wait.
- He didn't give me much of a choice.

- Well, how much did he take?
- All of it.

- What are you doing?
- I'm going to help him.

Estúpida. He's not himself.

Hey, estúpida!
How the hell would you know?

I've talked him down before,
I can do it again.

It might be our only shot,
before he hurts himself.

Bad news: They ran out of pumpkin spice.

Ugh! Friar Cuck.

My guys have the place surrounded.

The briefcase,

or he dies first.

He's the new guy.
Last one in, first one out.

- What?!
- Jeremy, loosen up.

I'm about to poop my pants.

- Not that loose.
- The briefcase!

It belongs to the Earps.

Well, I guess we're about to have
a whole lot of killing.

Put it on the table.

- Peacemaker too.
- Okay.

Okay?!

It's yours.

Take it.

Anyone tries anything,
the whole place goes up in flames.

What...

- Was...
- That?!

Way cool, with a side of habanero.

Dolls?

Fire-breather?

Dragon Face? Just...

just give me some indication
as to who I'm talking to.

Wow!

- Did you see that?!
- I thought tying a cherry stem

into a knot with my tongue
was a cool party trick.

Could I get some water?
Please? It's hot.

Doc, water.

Oh! Hey!

How's work?

Thanks, man.

Something is coming.

Winter? Yeah, we got the memo.

You're not ready.

You'll never be ready.

I'm ready now.

You're here!

Just for my things, then I'm gone.

We've been waiting for you. All of us.

Who's all of us?

We have something we want you to see.

If you think you're going to
lock me in there...

Why would we do that?

You're too angry and too dark
to be locked up.

You need space to let your darkness grow.

We intend to nurture your prowess.

My prowess?

Beth!

Who are you?

What did you do to my sisters?

We're your sisters now.

You're the reason we chose them.

You'll never be locked up again.

A new world is coming.

We need your help.
In return, we'll give you

- anything you want.
- Anything?

Anything.

I want a girl.

Edwin Earp, the One Year Wonder.

Grandpappy put down 70 revenants
in 300 days.

With the help of BBD of course.

Yeah, well...
Whatever's in his briefcase

has Lucado creaming her granny panties.

Only thing between us and it
are five numbers.

June 18, 1940.

Edwin's birthday.

I googled it.

Okay.

Here we go.

- Yeah.
- It's... a plate.

Are we going to give it to Lucado?

Hell no! You lost...

nearly lost a hand over it.

We should talk about the...

uh, demon goo...

At the arch.

Babe...

whatever you did, I want to help.

Good...

because I am so sick of fighting her.

She's so strong.

- The thing inside of you?
- No, stupid.

The thing outside of me.

Waverly.

Like you're gonna kill another sister.

I won't let you kill her either.

If only.

She's been resisting me so hard.

I'm exhausted.

Do you know how much energy it takes

to regrow a human hand?

Waverly, baby girl,
if you're still in there...

I'm not having any fun.

But today...

You. You...

you like to have fun.

Yeah, I'm a real hoot.

Oh, and you'd be so easy.

What?

Oh yeah. Oh, this is so much better.

Now...

what are we going to do with you?

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