Would I Lie to You? (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Episode #2.8 - full transcript

Hello, I'm Chrissie Swan
and welcome to Would I Lie To You?,

the show that never lets the truth
get in the way of a good story.

Let's get stuck in
and meet the players, shall we?

The captain of our first team tonight

is comedian and host
Charlie Pickering.

Yeah!

That's me.

Alongside Charlie is
a performer and podcaster

who was once banned from New Zealand
for failing to pay a speeding fine.

Welcome, hilarious hoon
Tanya Hennessy.

(LAUGHTER)



It's true.

Also joining Charlie, a Welsh-born
comedian and brand-new father.

You thought his accent was adorable.

You should hear
his cute, cute baby talk.

Say "we wuv you" to Lloyd Langford.

And captain of our second team,
it's the one and only Frank Woodley.

On Frank's team,
she's a cookbook author

and Australia's original MasterChef.

It's Julie Goodwin.

And joining Frank, one part of comedy
trio Aunty Donna, it's Broden Kelly.

Hey.

OK, so how do we play?

Our teams will take turns
reading stories.

It's up to the opposing team



to determine whether the story
is true or a lie.

So to round one, Home Truths,

where panellists read out a statement

from the card in front of them.

To make things harder,
they've never seen the card before

and they've got no idea what
they're gonna be faced with.

Lloyd, are you OK? You're awake?

Yep. I'm fizzing with anticipation.

(LAUGHS) Well, that's good news
because you're up first.

I had an incident with a horse that
saw me sent home from school camp.

Oh, God.

Frank's team.

You... Was horseriding
part of the camp?

It was a, um...

There's a place in Wales.
It's called Llangrannog.

And you go there as a student
who's trying to learn Welsh.

Wait, the town is called
Lang Hancock?

(CHUCKLES)

No, no, no, it's called Llangrannog.

I think Lang Hancock
was some kind of old racist guy,

uh, that was Gina Rinehart's dad.

Yes.
Yeah.

I wasn't sent to him
when I was 11 years old.

(ALL CACKLE)

Did the horse do something to you
or did you do something to it?

(LAUGHS)

The horse did something to me.

But they couldn't send
the horse home.

Um...

It was...it was a very early
instance of victim blaming.

I think my question is...pray tell?
Like, just tell more.

There was an ins... There was
like a horse man, you know.

Like a... (LAUGHS)

A horse man?
Like a centaur?

(LAUGHS)

Erm, you know, he's giving you
the instructions and everything

of, like, what to do
around the hor...

You know, there's certain things
you shouldn't do around horses.

And I wasn't, like, behind the
horse. I wasn't pulling on its mane.

I was just next to the horse
and the horse...

..bit me on the shoulder.

(SCOFFS)

Do you have...do you have a scar?

It left, like, a...
It broke the skin.

Did it hurt? Were you like, "Argh!"?
Yeah, yeah.

I was fucking bitten by a horse.

I was like, "The horse
has bitten me on the shoulder."

And the instructor was like,
"You'll have to speak in Welsh."

And I was like, "I don't..."

There was, like,
a lot of excitement.

You know, people were
laughing, obviously,

and enjoying themselves and stuff
and I was quite upset.

And then he carried on talking
and the horse went for me again

and he was like,
"You have to go now...

"..'cause you're, like,
provoking the horse."

Do you have any long-lasting
horse phobias?

I'll be honest with you, Chrissie,

in inner...inner city Melbourne,
I very rarely encounter...

My day has gone very badly wrong

if it's me and a horse.

Frank's team, are you buying
any of this?

He is still cut about his treatment
by the horse instructor.

There's still so much offence there.

There's absolute truth
coming out of that for me.

If this is a lie,
it's a brilliantly told lie.

Brilliantly executed.

I also refuse to take
lumps of sugar in my tea.

That was good. I believe now, yeah.

Alright, we're going with true?

Yeah, I think so.

Lloyd Langford,
is that story true or a lie?

That story is a lie.

What?!
(CHIMING)

Ohhh, yes!

That was amazing.

Wow. Well, giddy-up. It is a lie.

Lloyd was not sent home from school
camp after an incident with a horse.

Next up, it's you, Broden.

I stalked Frank Woodley.

Ooh.

OK, everyone's very worried
but where do you wanna start?

Do you know what made
that believable?

It was at that moment
Frank recognised that voice.

Um, so when did you stalk
Frank Woodley?

(CHRISSIE LAUGHS)
Yeah.

I stalked Frank, uh, Woodley
when I was about eight.

Eight?
Eight?

If this is true, then you've done
an absolutely wonderful job.

It took 25 years, Lloyd Langford,
but I found him.

Oh, this is so deliciously creepy.
I hope it's true.

Were you, uh, bald as a child?

Most...most babies are,
you know that, don't you?

Did you stalk him out of fandom
or personal interest?

"Personal interest"?
Well...

Hot lust?

Why...why...
Hot 8-year-old lust.

Yeah. I must have him!

No, I...

I simply must have Frank Woodley.

I was the victim
in this situation, OK?

What was the impetus to stalk?

His program.

What program was it that you loved?

'The Adventures
of Lano and Woodley' on Channel 2.

TANYA: But you were eight?
Yeah.

Yep?

So did you have to have, like,
a parent or guardian to...

Yes. I was with my father.

And he was happy to spend
his free time

stalking an adult man with a child?

It's the '80s, man.
We just free-range, right?

It was the '90s, but, uh...

Thank you very much.

Ah, we'd just seen Lano and Woodley
at the Adelaide Fringe.

We looked to the right of our car

and we saw Frank Woodley
driving a van, a white van.

And my dad and I were like,
"Let's follow him."

Oh!

'Cause you were probably hoping

that there would be some kind of,

like, um, slapstick
physical comedy escapade

but it turned out

it was probably quite disappointing
as an 8-year-old

to find out that I'm just
a very responsible driver.

Yeah.

I genuinely remember
having the memory of going,

"Maybe he's going
to some sort of cool party."

Or "Maybe his car will break down
and he'll need some help."

AUDIENCE: Aww.
Ah...

That got an 'aww'.
Aww, that's sweet.

And then maybe that will be
my moment to eat him.

(LAUGHTER)

It's also important to know
this was in Adelaide.

Nothing happens in Adelaide.
Yeah.

So you need things to do, like
follow comedians from Melbourne.

I did a three-point turn in Adelaide
and got applause one time, so...

Alright, Charlie's team,
what do you think - true or a lie?

What do you think, Tanya?
It's so plausible.

Lloyd?

I-I grew up
in a similarly dull place.

And I think if
I recognised a comedian,

I would also have followed them
for four blocks.

I think this is
absolutely believable.

We are going to say that it is true.

We're locking in true. Broden Kelly,
is that story true or a lie?

It is a...

..true.

(CHIMING)

Awww!
Very nice.

That's so sweet.

Sorry about that.
I haven't spoken to you about that.

I'm sorry I did that.

It's not making it awkward
at all. That's good.

No, that's lovely.
That's absolutely lovely.

You did have a white van.
Yeah. Right.

Well, we had a lot of props
back then and, you know...

It's very... It's very sweet.
And bodies.

It's very sweet.
It is of course true.

Young Broden and his dad once tailed
Frank's white van through Adelaide.

And it's so nice of Frank

to pause the restraining order
just for tonight.

VOICEOVER: Coming up
on Would I Lie To You?

(CACKLING)

Frank spins a yarn
straight from the horse's mouth.

And we're back.
This is Would I Lie To You?

Frank, you are next.

I was called up onstage
during a hypnotism show

and faked being in a trance
so the magician didn't feel bad.

Oh!

Was it a specific,
like, hypnotism show

or was it a sort of variety show
that had a hypnotist?

Oh, it was...
No, it was just a, um...

(STAMMERS) ..a comedy...
a stand-up comedy show

and the guy just happened
to have a fob watch

and he just came on going like that
and he accidentally hyp...

Yes, it was a...

It was a hypnotism show, yes.

So why were you at a hypnotism show?

I'm one of those crazy people
who enjoy entertainment.

Ohh!

When he hypnotised you
and it didn't work,

what was he trying to do?

He does a thing where he gets people
to act like different animals.

He says, "You're gonna be a chicken,
you're gonna be a quokka.""

(LAUGHS)
"You're gonna be..." You know?

Were you the only person that
was onstage being hypnotised?

Or were there lots of...
Was there a veritable zoo?

There was about five of us
and each got a different animal.

So you're meant to be animals.
What animal were you meant to be?

I was asked to be an okapi.

LLOYD: OK. Like a...
What?

So, like, a sort of
African deer type thing?

Good work. (LAUGHS) Yeah.

Yeah. It's an Af...gazelle.

A gazelle.
I was asked to be a gazelle.

I would feel, if I was a hypnotist,

and I was hypnotising
members of the audience,

to be animals,

I would not choose an okapi.

Yeah, but even
if I was deeply hypnotised

and he said, "Be an okapi,"
my impression would be...that.

Well, funnily enough,
okapis are often bemused.

What were the other people's
animals then?

So he started off...

You see, I don't think

he'd done enough biology at school
or natural history.

'Cause he started off strong.

He went like, "You're a chicken,
you're a grasshopper"

and then he started to struggle
already and he was like...

Like you are?

Then he went...then he went
for marmoset.

Golden marmoset.

I was an okapi.

The guy beside me was
a brush-tailed phascogale.

(ALL GUFFAW)

So I would like you now
to do your okapi.

Yeah.

So I felt really embarrassed because
I actually wasn't hypnotised.

And my first thought was
I would undersell it

because they graze on the, um...

You know, what do you call it?
The savanna.

Oh, OK.
So I was just gonna go like this.

Yeah.
That's an okapi.

That's good.

Then I thought they'd need
a bit of gazelle in there

so then I went for the...

..sort of, you know, the...
the leaping and the...

It's almost like it's slow motion.

TANYA: Yes, yes.

I went for that sort of...

I mean, having never seen
an okapi before in my life,

that is uncanny.

Yeah.

Do you think that he knew
that you weren't hypnotised?

Or...or did you fully convince him?

I think he...I think
he believed I was in.

So you went for mid-range okapi?

Yeah. Well, I start...
You didn't go full okapi?

Oh, no, that would involve
goring someone.

Do you reckon the chicken
and the marmoset were in

and you were the only one faking?

I reckon... Without a doubt,
the marmoset was in.

Yeah.

Like, for sure.

No, because...because
he took a shit.

You know?

He was in deep.

"He was in deep."

And then he threw it at the crowd,
so... Yeah, he was...

The marmoset.

He was arrested.

(LAUGHS)

Aha! OK, Charlie's team.

We're gonna need an answer
or you know what he's gonna do.

True or a lie?
Are you buying this?

No.

But I was happy to watch the show.
It was a wonderful show.

I was living for it.
Look, just to verify.

I think it was...it was a chicken,

a grasshopper, a monkey,
a gazelle and a squirrel.

What do you think, team?

Having known Frank for years,

I can imagine him feeling sorry
for a hypnotist

with a show not going well,
almost as a professional courtesy.

OK.
Sounds like you're erring on...

I think it's a lie.
..on a lie.

Look, I concur with my teammates.
We believe that this is a lie.

Frank Woodley,
is that story true or a lie?

Well, actually, that story
is completely a lie.

(CHIMING)
Oh, yes!

Well played.

Yeah.

Good work, Charlie's team.

Charlie, it is your turn.
OK.

When watching a TV courtroom drama,

I pause before the lawyer's
closing argument

to practise
what I would say instead.

Oh, yes!

Frank's team, go for it.

What was the last courtroom drama
you watched?

To be honest, it's been a few years
but it was a 'Law & Order'.

It was a...
OK.

Can you remember the specific crime

that had been committed
in that episode?

Yeah, the crime that had
been committed was...

Particularly heinous?
Yep.

Was it 'SVU'?

No, it was actually a guy
that ran, like, a jeweller's,

like a little watch shop

had been murdered
and they had to find his murderer.

Obviously, that's what they do.

I think the episode was called,

like, 'A Time to Die'
or something like that.

That's James Bond.
(LAUGHS)

Quite a clever title
if you think about it.

'Cause...
Time to die.

Yeah.

Um, when you deliver your final...

What do you call it again?
You call it a...

Well, it's a closing argument.

When you deliver
your closing argument,

do you do so in front
of your whole family?

Like, do you stand up
and do the whole...

Not normally but I have done it
in front of my family.

Yeah, absolutely.

Give me...give me an example
of, um, a closing argument

that you did
for that particular crime?

For that particular crime, um...

You can approach the bench.

It depends.

I didn't on this occasion

but often I'll go a little bit
Southern lawyer.

Oh, yep.
Yes.

So sometimes I get
into character and go...

(SOUTHERN ACCENT)
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

"you've heard a lot...
from my learned...

"..from my learned colleague
on the other side."

So we're talking southern Italy,
are we?

"Ladies and a-gentlemen
of the a-jury."

Objection, Your Honour.

What is your success rate?

Yes.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, have you ever...
have you ever swayed the outcome?

You said you've done this
for your family, for your wife.

Do you have kids?
Yes, I do.

Great.

Do you have...do you have kids?

No, we just got a dog.
Great.

I've got a dog too.

So...so there was
the one where you...

What kind of dog?

I remember
when this was a game show.

That was fun.

What do your kids do
when you pause it and go,

"Kids, I've got this"?

My...my kids are eight and two.

They are way too young
to watch 'Law & Order'.

Alright, we're gonna need
your verdict, guys.

Is it true or a lie?

Look, it does sound like fun.

Yeah.
It does sound...

I can imagine Charlie doing...
subjecting his family to that.

Yeah, I can as well.

I don't know if I'm meant
to appreciate that

or find that hurtful.

I believe he has two kids
for sure, yeah.

Two and eight's a long,
you know, break between kids.

Because of the way that he behaves
in front of his wife,

I don't think that's surprising.

Alright, true or a lie?

So we're...we're saying...

I think we're...
I-I think... I think this happens.

We're saying true.
You think it happens?

Alright, Charlie Pickering,
is this true or a lie?

It is...

..a lie.
(CHIMING)

Yes!

Right.

He doesn't have kids at all.

Time for a break. We'll see you soon
on Would I Lie To You?

Welcome back. Our next round
is called This Is My...

Where we bring a mystery guest on

who has a close connection
to one of our panellists.

This week, each of Frank's team

will claim it is them that has
the genuine connection to the guest.

It's up to Charlie's team
to spot who's telling the truth.

So please put your hands together for
this week's special guest, Malcolm.

(APPLAUSE)

Alright, Julie,
who is Malcolm to you?

This is Malcolm and I once agreed

to slather him head to toe in goose
fat ahead of an open-water swim.

I was very sick and the doctor said

that the treatment should be
to cover my whole body in lard

and I went downhill very quickly
after that.

Yes!
(FAUX-LAUGHS)

Broden, how do you know Malcolm?

This is Malcolm.
Mm.

He taught me a life-changing
tea bag technique.

Frank, who is Malcolm to you?

Well, this is Malcolm and he botched
the installation of my cat flap.

So there we have it.

Is Malcolm Julie's slippery swimmer?

Broden's tea bag teacher?

Or Frank's cat flap failure?

Charlie's team,
why don't we start with Julie?

Julie.
Yes.

Uh, what was the swim?

Malcolm's part of
my, um, ocean swimming group

called the Skozzies.

So we swim about
three mornings a week.

So that's always open water,
out into the ocean.

The swim was a charity swim,

so he was going a lot further,

so he obviously needed
to, you know, be warm.

Be in duck fat? What?

Is duck fat...putting duck fat
on a person a thing?

Goose fat.
Oh, sorry, my bad.

Yeah, come on!

Is that a thing? I don't exercise.

Well, yeah, have you ever seen
when they swim the Channel

and they just grease 'em on up?

Ah, it's to keep them warm.

How far was Malcolm swimming
on this occasion?

It's 10 k by road but I think
it's about eight in the water,

so it's a significant swim.

Up and back or just down there?
Just up.

We had a boat up there to collect.
I think he came back.

Yep, that part of the story
does check out.

Alright, let's move on to Broden.

There are two very different types
of teabagging.

And I just wanted
clarification on...

..which you were talking about.

Yep. The one of your people.

The, uh, the, uh, the drinking one.

Since he taught me
this teabagging technique...

(CHUCKLES)

..I've never spilled
a drop of tea in my life.

Are you able to share with us
this technique?

Yeah.

Please share.
What's the technique?

Alright, well, here's the tea.

TANYA: What?
Ah, it's in a mug.

We're dipping.
Yep.

We're out.
Yep.

On the sides - one, two, three.

You'll notice I'm dripping no tea.

That is amazing.
Wow!

So hang on, it's one...
one, two, three?

On the side of...
Touches on the side of...

The lip of the cup?
Yep.

And that is enough
to drain off excess liquid?

Do it at home.

You will not have a drop of tea...

..fall anywhere
between you and the bin.

Frank, remind us again
who Malcolm is to you.

Well, to me, Malcolm is the...
is the, uh, gentleman

who botched the installation
of my cat flap.

Do you have a cat?

Not anymore.

Got sliced in half.

After the installation
of the cat guillotine.

Yes is the answer, I think, is...
I probably should say.

So the cat flap, where is
the cat flap installed?

Or where was it meant
to be installed?

Well, in the back door
going out into the garden.

And he put it on, what,
like, the oven?

No, he's my wife's nephew
and he'd come up from Colac.

So he's staying with us
and he worked on a farm.

And we had a cat flap delivered.

And we were like, um...

We were gonna self-install it and he
said, "I can do that sort of thing."

And we'd said,
"Can you put it on the glass door

"'cause that's a bit tricky?"

And he said,
"That won't be a problem."

But he put it on the...the door.

But instead of putting it either
to the right or in the middle,

he put it to the left-hand side
and it's a sliding door.

Like, the cat could come in and out
but we couldn't after that.

So then he actually installed
a human flap to, which...

Are you allowed to say
"human flaps" on...

I'm not sure if you are but, um...

I put some goose fat on and I could
get out through the cat flap.

Hey, is he an Airtasker?

How do you know Malcolm?

No, he's the nephew of my...my wife.
And so he was just staying with us.

In fairness to Malcolm,
that makes him also your nephew.

Yeah, but I don't...care for him.
So...

So obviously your wife is more
familiar with him than you are.

Yep.
Having known him longer.

How did she react

to what is objectively a horrific
job of installing the cat flap?

She's so nice, my-my wife,
that she just basically went,

"Don't worry, anybody..."
You know, "We all make mistakes."

And, you know, "Thanks for trying."

And, you know,
she was lovely, actually.

And when Malcolm was not around,
what did she say to you?

She just said, "What a (BLEEP)!"

Alright. We do need an answer.

Is Malcolm Julie's slippery swimmer?

Broden's tea bag teacher?

Or Frank's cat flap failure?

Julie's story's true.

You think Julie's swimmer.
Who do you think?

I want it to be Frank.

Right, I'm feeling like
the cup of tea.

Are you kidding?

The teabagging
has the ring of truth.

Are you gonna go with YOUR opinion...

I am going to exert some executive
control of this situation...

Yeah, well, don't go with me.

..and we're gonna go
with Broden's tea bag buddy.

And, Lloyd, you're...
you're OK with this?

Yeah, you know, in the...
in the spirit of democracy.

Malcolm, please reveal your identity.

I'm Malcolm and I taught Broden
a life-changing tea bag technique.

No! No!

Yes!

Yes!
Thank you for coming.

Yes!

Whoo!

Malcolm taught Broden
the tea bag trick.

I'm sure you've got other talents
as well, Malcolm.

But I guess we'll never know.

Thank you so much
for your service, Malcolm.

Put your hands together for Malcolm.

Thank you.

I'm releasing you now to go and make
a cup of tea and check it out.

So stick around for more
Would I Lie To You? afterwards.

Welcome back. It's time to ramp up
the pace and play Quick Fire Lies.

These guests have no idea
what they're about to read

on the card in front of them.

It could be a true tale from their
life or a tall tale we just made up.

Julie Goodwin, it's your turn.

Ooh, OK.

My family embarrassed me

when I hosted a former
prime minister of Australia.

Where were you hosting
this former prime minister?

At my house.
(GASPS)

And which former
prime minister was it?

It was Harold Holt in the pool.

Ah, it was Kevin Rudd.

So what did your family do
to embarrass you?

Um, my sister is
a very political human being

and she had some hairy
sort of things to say.

Like what?
She's a real environmentalist.

She lives off-grid and stuff,

so there was...there was
some climate change stuff in there

because, you know,
no matter what side

of the political fence you're on,

if you're really passionate
about that stuff,

no-one's ever really
doing enough, are they?

Hey, hey, hey,
let's not turn this into

a "Kevin Rudd's over for a cup
of tea situation," yeah?

Well, that's...

No need to be like
your off-grid sister about it all.

That's what I wanted to say.

"Be nice!"

If...if my brother lived off-grid

and I was having the prime minister
round my house...

..I would certainly not
tell him about it.

Can I ask,
has anyone else on this panel

met a prime minister,
former or current?

I met Kevin Rudd
at Mr Rice in Ballarat.

He's a man of the people.

Sorry, can we just do...can we do
one lie at a time, please?

So Mr Rice is a restaurant?

Yeah, $5, you know, honey chicken,
rice situation. 2008.

Ah, Kevin Rudd walked past.

And a bodyguard or something
came in and said,

"Do you wanna meet Kevin Rudd?"

And me and my mates were just like,
"Alright."

And we went out and...and... And
he went, "Hello, I'm Kevin Rudd."

And then we went, "Alright."

Alright, Charlie's team,
what do you think? True or a lie?

I think it's true.
Yeah, it has a...

What do you think, Lloyd?

It has a ring of authenticity
about it, like an annoying sibling.

Yeah. What do you think?
I think that is true.

Alright, we're about to find out
if Julie Goodwin would lie to us.

Julie, is that true or a lie?

That story is absolutely a lie.

(CHIMING)
What? What?

Oh!
Well done.

(SHOUTS)

Got 'em!

That was good.
Yeah, you're very good.

You're very good.
My sister's gonna kill me.

You don't know the damage
that you have done now.

Because I'm gonna get home,
I'm gonna look at your cookbook

and I'm gonna go, "It's bullshit."

That is a lie. Alright.

Next up, Tanya Hennessy.

Oh, my masseuse fled in shame

after our session together went
five times longer than scheduled.

What was the initial, uh, unit
of time that you agreed to?

Ah, 30 minutes. I just said, "Give
me... Just give me a tight 30."

How long did it go for then?

Two...two hours.
Two and a half hours.

We're not asking you, Lloyd.

I mean, can I just say,
before we get into the fact

that those two answers
were different,

really impressed.

You've really started
to pay attention.

Well done.
He's warmed up.

So is it the masseur
just keeps masseuring?

Yes.
Massaging?

Yeah, and I was just laying there.

I kind of... You know when
you blank out? And, like...

You know when they start
massaging your head

and you forget what year it is?

You know that? And you're like...

And so I was like...
I had no concept of time.

I was like, "Oh, yes."

But I was just, like, happy
for the experience.

Like, I was like,
"You...you do you."

You wouldn't wanna
kind of open your eyes

and look over and he was doing him.

Anyway, so then
someone knocks at the door.

This is how it ended.
Someone knocked at the door.

And they opened it and said,
"Maria, not again."

And she ran.

Where did she run?
Was she really a masseuse?

She ran and, like,
the way she ran was like,

"I've done this multiple times
and I can't...

"Like, I can't not have a job."

Just over-massaged people.

Yeah.
Just massaged them red raw.

And towards the end,
it wasn't even, like...

Like, there's only so much
you can massage on a person.

So I was getting very detailed
toe and finger sort of situations.

I guess you kind of shift

from a point of being relaxed
to being concerned.

Yes, I was like,
"Oh, it's going for too long."

But I'm also, like, I love money,
like value for money.

CHRISSIE: Yes.
You know, I always fly Jetstar.

Yeah, right.

I flew on Jetstar, um, one time

and the plane went up and started
doing, like, weird circles,

and I hear someone yell out,
"Maria, not again."

That Maria!
She just scurried out of the cockpit.

She ran!

True or a lie from Ms Tanya Hennessy?

I'm thinking...I'm thinking lie.

OK.
Is that...

You... You do you.
We're locking in lie.

Maria, not again! Maria!

Maria, not again!

Tanya Hennessy.
Yes?

Is that story true or a lie?

Well, it is...

..fortunately
and unfortunately very true.

(ALL GASP)
(CHIMING)

It is true.

During Tanya's massage,
her friend presumed her missing.

I'm glad to see
it had a happy ending.

Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?

in the hilarious new season of
Would I Lie To You?

With full episodes on 10play.

And we're back.
This is Would I Lie To You?

Lloyd, the spotlight
is on you, my friend.

I accepted an invitation

for a three-course lunch
at a stranger's home

after they raised concerns
I was undernourished.

Alright, Frank's team,
where are you gonna start?

So where did you meet the stranger?

At a place called New Zealand.

OK, and what was the context

that you came in contact
with this stranger?

I was doing, erm, a comedy festival
in Auckland.

This stranger sent an email

to my manager and said,

"We see that Lloyd is in Auckland.

"We think he's missing
his mum's food.

"Does he wanna come
round our house for lunch?"

They didn't think you looked
particularly emaciated or...

They said that they, um,
had listened to me on the radio

in the United...

And did they say they thought
you lacked energy?

(LAUGHS)

But the thing is, Lloyd,
I kind of believe you,

because people send me
super weird emails as well.

Like someone asked me
if they could brush my hair.

If I could have a shower with them.

Have you got the feet guy?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yep. I've got the feet guy.

Have you, Julie, got the feet guy?
I feel really left out. No.

I got the feet guy.

I am the feet guy.

What happened?

So we had an email exchange
before I went there.

Um, one of the things I did

was I got their address

and I looked up their house
on Google Earth.

Smart. Yep.

There was no visible sex dungeon.

I was also, erm...
Oh, my God!

..scared.

So...
You were scared? Yeah.

The lady picked me up from my hotel.

And she said,

"I'm very good friends with
a comedian in the United Kingdom."

And she mentioned the name
of this comedian.

And the only thing that I knew
about the comedian

was that he, um,
like, goes to orgies.

And that he...he was, like,
um, you know, like, a swinger

and all of that.

I think they thought...

They didn't seriously think
that I was malnourished.

Right.

But that was their jokey in.

They were like,
"You're away from home.

"You haven't been eating well

"because you're a comedian
on the road."

What were the three courses?

(AUDIENCE MURMURS)
(FRANK LAUGHS)

Did you hear the audience member
go...? (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY)

"She got you, oh, beauty!"

To start, it was a...
a capsicum and tomato soup.

OK.
OK.

And then for the main,
it was, like, rare roast beef.

Dessert was, um,
salted caramel tiramisu.

Ooh!
Whoa!

Yum. That all checks out.

How does that work?

So salted caramel with
an already coffee-based dessert.

Were they clashing or did it...
was it a new level of fun?

It was a...a powerful combination.

Frank's team, what do you think?
True or a lie?

I'm getting a very true vibe.

JULIE: I actually think
the level of detail is such

that there's truth in that story.

This is a Tuesday
for Lloyd Langford, really.

Like, this is very common for him.
This is true as.

OK, so we think it's true.
We're gonna lock in true.

Lloyd Langford,
is that story true or a lie?

The story is...

..true.
(CHIMING)

Go, team!

You cheeky squirrel.
Do you remember their names?

I do remember their names.

Um, I'm...I'm still
in touch with them.

I often go round there
for food and intercourse.

Well, surprise, surprise, it is true.

On tour, Lloyd was invited
to share a meal with a fan

after she was concerned
that he wasn't eating right.

Sometimes it pays to look like an
extra from an 'Oliver Twist' movie.

OK, Broden, it's your turn.

I was sacked in the first week
of landing my dream job

as a character on a ghost train.

(GASPS)

Oh, tragedy. Charlie's team,
where are you gonna start?

Why...was that your dream job?

I've always dreamed
of being a fuck-up. Ah...

No, I've always...I've always
dreamed of working on a ghost train.

Um, ever since I went
on a ghost train.

Where did this happen?
At the show.

No, I mean, in...geographically?

The showgrounds.

Were you the operator

or were you, like, a live-action
ghost man in the ride?

We rotated from the person
who puts you in the train

to the guy who stands on the ramp
and goes, "Argh!"

And was that
an accurate representation there

of your scary noise?

Yeah.

I can kind of see
why you were fired.

We had a spectrum.

A spectrum of...of horror,
we called it.

FRANK: Can I just hear it again?
Yeah.

Argh.

I presume that's pretty low
on the spectrum.

I think that's terrifying

'cause you think the person behind
you's about to vomit on you.

A couple of kids coming through,
they get the "Yeah!"

But for a couple of boys, you know,
going to the show with their mates,

you give 'em
the "Look out, I'm gonna kill ya!"

CHRISSIE: Charlie's team,
what do you think?

Is this story from Broden
true or a lie?

I feel like he did this, for sure.

But only issue is, I don't reckon
he did the ride as well.

Because you were either
entertainment staff or like...

..button, like, like, mechanic-ky.

You don't do both.

You believe in a division of labour

between those who...those
who fright and those who drive?

Yes.
You rate too highly the carny.

It's a lie? What do you think?

Yes, I kind of agree.

You wouldn't be operating the ride
and being the spook...

You both think it's a lie?
Yeah.

(STAMMERS) He wasn't a very good
ghost, was he? I think it's a lie.

I don't know. You do it.

I'll be honest with you.

I'll be completely frank here,
right?

Yeah.

Whether we win or lose this today,
I'm not that fussed.

Yeah.

I'm gonna...I'm gonna go along,

despite how little Lloyd cares,

I'm gonna go along with my teammates

and say that this is a lie.

Broden, is that true or a lie?

It is...

..a lie.

(CHIMING)
Well done, guys.

Yes!
You're right.

It is of course a lie.

Broden's ability to deceive,
however, is truly scary.

Urgh!

Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?

That was pretty good, I thought.

Welcome back.
Next round is Could It Be?

Where our teams are given
a general statement

that has absolutely
nothing to do with them

but they must decide
whether it's lies or legit.

Frank's team, you're up first.

And your statement is

the game of limbo
was a demonstration sport

at the 2016 Rio Olympics.

True or false?

Feels plausible.

It's a genital-first sport.
You know what I mean?

Yes, it is. Genitals first.
Yeah, it's a genitals-first sport.

No, that's a good point,

because I actually used to find it
very hard to win, um, limbo

because I loved it too much.

But it feels too much
like a party game to me.

Like, in terms of...
It's not rea... Is it a sport?

Is it... Feels more like...

Are they gonna be doing
pin the tail on the donkey

or, you know, musical chairs next?

They'll be drug-testing
for red cordial.

Like, it feels...
No, but I think it's...

Like, they've already got
the equipment.

It's just you get
the...the high-jump bar

and you just notch it down
progressively.

So you've got the bar ready to go

and with the exact measurements
on the side.

I don't think you would
notch it down progressively

'cause otherwise, like,
the first few attempts,

they're gonna be so easy.

Yeah.

They could do limbo,
um, ah, hurdling as well.

Just like...

So where are we going here?
Do you think it is...

It was a demonstration sport?

I think... It feels like...

Like, what would their demonstration
sport have been if it wasn't limbo?

I'm actually convinced it was.

I feel like, yes.

I think we're gonna say yes.
You think it's true?

It is, in fact...

(CHIMING)
..a lie.

(AUDIENCE SIGHS)
You idiots.

It is, of course, a lie but
you've gotta admire any sport

that recruits athletes from high
school discos and office parties.

Charlie's team, it's your turn.

Your statement is

a flamingo can travel,
if they want to,

from Melbourne to Adelaide
in one night.

Are they a, um, native bird
to Australia, the flamingo?

That is a great question, Lloyd,
and the answer is no.

Yeah, because why would you go
from Melbourne to Adelaide?

So the question isn't so much
like do they...but can they?

Like, so it's
a little bit like, does a...

You know, can a Kmart staff member
ask you if you need assistance?

They can. They never have.
But they could.

I've just heard that Melbourne
to Adelaide is 600km.

Where did you hear that?
Could a fla...

I don't know. I reckon they can...
I reckon they can fly.

I reckon they can do it.

Yeah, lots of African birds
are migratory

and they travel
much further distances

than...than a...Jetstar flight.

This fact is true or a lie?

We reckon it's true.
Absolutely true.

It is, in fact, true.

(CHIMING)
TANYA AND CHARLIE: Yes!

Well done!

Flamingos can indeed travel
roughly 600km in one night,

or the distance
from Melbourne to Adelaide.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

That noise signals the time is up.
What a shame.

At the end of the show, I can reveal

that tonight's winner is
Charlie's team.

(CHARLIE'S TEAM CHEERS)

We won?
We won.

Lloyd, congratulations.

That's it for Would I Lie To You?
Thank you for watching.

And remember, speak truth from your
heart and lies through your teeth.

Goodnight.

Captions by Red Bee Media