Would I Lie to You? (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
Chrissie Swan, Frank Woodley and new team captain Charlie Pickering are joined by guests Rebecca Gibney, Luke McGregor, Harley Breen and Concetta Caristo.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello, there. I'm Chrissie Swan,
and welcome to Would I Lie to You,
the show where the line between
fact and fiction can get a bit fuzzy.
Let's meet the players, shall we?
As a TV host,
he's comfortable with breaking news,
but he's here tonight
to bend some truths,
and would he lie to us?
Let's find out, as we welcome
new team captain, Charlie Pickering.
Hello!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alongside Charlie,
it's comedian, Luke McGregor.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Also joining Charlie is
the Gold Logie-winning actor,
please welcome the magnificent
Rebecca Gibney.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
After sell-out shows,
and spending 30 years on TV -
can you believe it? -
this comedian has become
part of the furniture,
which explains why we always
find coins down the back of him.
It's the team captain you can take
to the bank, Frank Woodley.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
On Frank's team
is a radio personality,
and, this is true,
face of a beer cologne -
welcome, Mr Harley Breen.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And finally, she's a rising star
of Australian comedy, shining bright.
Please welcome Concetta Caristo.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright.
How do we play?
Our teams will take turns
at reading stories.
It's up to the opposing team
to determine whether the story
is true or a lie.
So, to round one, Home Truths,
where panellists read out a statement
from the card in front of them.
To make things even harder,
they've never seen the card before.
It's up to the opposing team to
sort the fact from the fabrication.
Luke, are you alright?
Because you're up first.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
To spice up a date at a restaurant,
I picked up our table
and rotated it 180 degrees.
(LAUGHTER)
Who were you on a date with?
I will take no questions.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, then we'll say
that it's true, OK?
We can all go home.
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, I was on a date
with a lady I met on Bumble.
Yeah, man.
Yeah!
Wow, that was like a high
two-and-a-half there.
We missed!
Was this a first date,
or had you been out on dates before?
It was a first date,
it was a first date.
Had you tried this technique
on a date before,
or was this the first time?
No, this was the first
and last time.
(LAUGHTER)
What happened?
She went to the bathroom. I didn't
think the date was going very well,
so I thought I will reset it...
(LAUGHTER)
..by turning everything 180 degrees.
You thought a really nice way
to create some intimacy
would be to just
fuck with her mind?
(LAUGHTER)
Did you turn her food to you
and your food to her?
No. Well, I turned everything 180,
and then when she came out
of the bathroom,
I was sitting on the other side
and everything was,
all of her stuff
was on the other side.
So to her, it just, like,
like, she just came out
and everything was the opposite.
Does that work for you?
Like, does it work?
Uh, we're married with seven kids
now, yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
I really, I thought as soon
as she would come out of the toilet,
I'd say,
I'd be on the other side,
and she'd go, "What have you done?"
And I'd be, like,
I just thought the date was,
I just thought this would be fun,
let's start again.
But then she didn't notice,
and I didn't say anything,
so we just awkwardly ate,
but opposite sides, then, yeah,
it just, uh... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
So is it quite likely
that there's somebody at home
watching the telly now, going,
"I knew there was something weird!"
I knew it! I knew it!
I think so!
Any more questions, Frank's team?
I'm genuinely confused.
I think, my feeling is,
I've got a feeling that it's true.
True! Me too!
Because he just literally went,
I'm going to turn the tables
on this,
I'm going to make this work.
It's feeling a bit awkward.
So I'm feeling like, true.
True.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
I don't want to rock the...
Look
I, would believe anything
Luke says.
Then you're at a significant
disadvantage in this game.
Yes, yeah.
But I think we're going to go
for true.
Yeah.
We think it's true.
True. Alright. Luke McGregor,
is that story true or a lie?
It's true.
CONCETTA: Yes!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yes!
Bless him!
Now that you know it's true,
is there anything else
you want to say to...
I think she, she missed out. Yes.
She missed out on Luke by not being
able to cope with the quirky fun.
Is, is it, uh,
possible to get a shot
of the audience?
Is that a little thing we can do
in television?
I reckon we could.
Could we get a shot of the audience?
Can you put your hands up
if you thought that would be
a fun thing to come back to?
(LAUGHTER)
(WHOOPS FROM AUDIENCE)
Keep your hand up if you're single.
FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes!
Alright! So we got one!
We have a winner!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Congratulations.
Harley, you are next.
Oh!
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
My family had to stage
an intervention
to stop me from cow tipping.
(LAUGHTER)
CONCETTA: From what?
From... Am I right?
This is when cows are asleep
in a field
and you push them over.
I thought it was when you go to,
like, a dairy,
and you're so impressed,
you leave a couple of coins.
(LAUGHTER)
But that's true, isn't it? Like there
is sleeping cows in a paddock?
Yes.
And they sleep standing up.
Yep.
And you push them over?
That's correct.
And that's funny to you?
It is, yes.
How many cows would you have tipped
in your lifetime?
Oh, in the hundreds.
Hundreds?
Wow.
Oh, have you ever turned a cow round
180 degrees?
(LAUGHTER)
What?!
How did you learn about the art
of cow... When you're, like...
I'm someone who's never
tipped a cow,
and now I would like to be
someone who has tipped a cow.
When did that take place?
I learnt it from a family member.
It was, it was a family tradition,
but it was...
So, generational?
Often, these sort of things
are generational.
When there's an intervention
involved.
But it's only meant to be done
on special occasions,
so, and I was just doing it
any old day of the week.
So what special occasions
do you cow tip on?
Oh, like a gender reveal party
or something?
Frank: Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go to the intervention.
What problem did your family
have with it,
given that it was a family tradition?
To be honest with you, it was like,
it's a bit of fun,
we went out for a night,
cow tipping,
and then, each night,
I'd try and go out,
um, cow tipping,
and they said, "That's enough."
"You can't be going out
in the middle of the night
"to tip the cows."
(LAUGHTER)
Do you miss it?
Um...
(LAUGHTER)
It's a hard thing
you brought that up.
Do you feel confident you could
just tip one cow and then walk away?
Or is it like
once you've tipped one,
the whole problem starts up again?
It's a slippery slope, Frank. Um...
Well, if it's a slippery slope,
you tip them
and they slide down the slope.
You could ride them!
Ride them down the slope.
(LAUGHTER)
It was all within my teenage years.
You know, from 12 to about...
You never answered Concetta's
question - do you miss it?
Yes, I do. It was a lot of fun.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah, I would like to do it again.
It does sound like it's a,
like,
an abhorrent,
from a kind of a humanitarian...
Is that...no, they're cows.
What do you call it when it's cows?
Bovanitarian.
..bovanitarian perspective,
clearly a terrible thing to do,
but I think we're all kind of
going... (GIGGLES)
..as well, and wouldn't mind
getting into a bit of, you know?
They don't get hurt.
They're very big.
Right?
They're fine.
I feel like the cows would actually
prefer it if we just tipped them
and didn't eat them.
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, Charlie's team,
what do you think?
Truth or a lie?
Ooh...
I don't want to live in a world
where Harley's a cow tipper,
but I think it's true.
Yeah, I think it's true.
Yeah, I find it very believable.
Mm.
I mean, you've got the face
of a cow tipper.
He's got the demeanour
of a cow tipper.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You've tipped
and you will tip again.
I think so.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, we're going to go with
that is, that is true.
Sounds like three truths there.
Yep.
Harley Breen,
is that story true or a lie?
Uh, that is a...
..lie.
NO!
Oh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I don't even know if it's possible.
Has anyone actually done it?
You have? There we go.
Oh, a gentleman at the back.
Well done.
Arrest that man.
(LAUGHTER)
I can confirm no cows were harmed
in the making of that story.
VOICEOVER: Coming up
after the break...
Yeah, check this out...
..what gets Frank Woodley
putting his tail between his legs
on Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Would I Lie To You?
Frank, you are up next
with your Home Truth.
Once, while on stage,
Lano and I persisted with the show,
despite suspecting there was a dead
audience member in the front row.
(GASPS)
Ooh!
Who was the show going well?
(LAUGHTER)
It was a good show,
but, um,
what happened was
this person
had gone like this,
down like that,
just leant forward, right?
And I thought,
"Fantastic.
They're laughing so much
that they're gonna go..."
I looked over, and they're gonna go.
(LAUGHTER)
CONCETTA: Yes!
Yes.
Like that.
And I looked at them,
and they didn't come up,
and I was just, like...
..and I just went on
with the show for a bit,
and then when I checked in
the next time,
they were still down,
and I thought,
I think they might have just di...
..died.
(LAUGHTER)
At some point, did you say to Colin,
like, did you just keep
doing the show,
or did you at one point go,
"I'm going to check on this person",
or...
Yeah, after about 10 minutes,
you know, my, um,
my empathy got the better of me,
and I said, "Excuse me, this person
seems to have collapsed.
"Are you OK?"
And they went,
"Oh, I'm looking for my jumper."
(LAUGHTER)
LUKE: For 10 minutes?
Yeah.
For 10 minutes?
Yeah.
That's a long time
to look for a jumper.
Isn't it?
How can you check such a small spot
for 10 minutes?
Exactly.
I beg your pardon?
Well, if they're bent down,
they've got the...
They can check the space
that their arms can reach.
How would that take 10 minutes?
What had happened was they'd, um,
they'd put their jumper on the floor
and somebody had been walking in
later,
and had gotten caught up
in the jumper,
and had kicked it,
and it had gone more than
a seat's worth under.
So they were basically,
we couldn't see,
but they were under there,
going...
(LAUGHTER)
..like, trying to reach
behind the seat to get the...
See, the thing you guys don't know
is that Lano and Woodley
are slapstick,
and so is all of their audience.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, you know,
oh, that reminds me of the time
I saw a goat being born, but, um...
(LAUGHTER)
..but that's another story.
Why did the goat have hands?!
Like...
(LAUGHTER)
What the...?!
How?
It was an artistic interpretation
of hoofs.
How did the audience respond,
when you said,
"I'm sorry,
I think this person's not OK",
and they sat up and said,
"Oh, I was just looking
for my jumper"?
I think Colin said the thing
of going,
"Oh, when I saw you
with your head down,
"I was hoping you were going
to come up, going..."
And the audience all laughed
at that,
and then we just moved on.
Is this bit towards
the end of the show,
or was it, like, intermission?
What's the, you know?
Yeah, it was intermission,
everybody had gone,
which made it not quite as...
"Colin, everyone's left
apart from him,
"I'm pretty sure he's dead!"
(LAUGHTER)
Can I just say something?
I don't want to stab you
in the back, as one of my idols,
and we're on the same team,
but I'm about to.
Um, so my boyfriend once did a show.
He's a comedian, too. Big fans.
Anyway, so he did a show,
and a guy in the front row
was slumped over,
and unlike you, my boyfriend
stopped the show pretty quick
The show went in the toilet,
ambulances came, he was passed out,
and then he got aggressive,
and, like, it was a whole thing,
it was a big gossip.
So I am either disappointed,
or it's bullshit,
that you watched someone
slumped over for 10 minutes
without saying anything, when I know
you to be a beautiful man.
Well, I actually...
(LAUGHTER)
I appreciate, I appreciate
your, um, commendations there,
but I actually went to your
boyfriend's show that night,
and I remember the guy being taken
to the ambulance, going,
"I was just looking for my jumper!"
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, Charlie's team,
we're going to need an answer.
Is that true or a lie?
He's a really good storyteller!
You're so good.
I...
..just, you don't look for 10
minutes just in the one little spot.
This guy's...
It doesn't make any sense.
It seems like a big old lie to me.
Did I say jumper? Hearing aid!
He was looking for his hearing aid,
and he couldn't enjoy the show
unless he found it.
Can we just cut in "hearing aid"
every time I said "jumper"?
Look like this. You look down
the barrel, and say,
"jumper",
and then this is what it'll sound
like, OK? Just mouth it.
OK.
Hearing aid.
I'm happy with that!
No one will ever know.
(LAUGHTER)
He's, I think he's got
such an honest face.
I think he's telling the truth.
I,
I am
gonna say true.
(GASPS)
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
I think it's true.
Ooh, see, they think it's bullshit.
(LAUGHTER)
If it's true, then Lano and Woodley
are horrible, horrible people,
who don't check on
dead audience members.
That's what I'm saying!
Alright.
They're saying that it's true.
Frank, is it true?
Well, I'm just glad that I'm playing
against you guys
and not against the audience,
because it's a lie.
Oh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh!
It is, of course, a lie,
although I've been in the audience
for some shows where I wish
that I was dead.
(LAUGHTER)
Next up, it's your turn,
Rebecca Gibney.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I told Michael Jackson
I could sing his own song
better than him.
What was the context in which
you were talking to Michael Jackson?
Um, it was a room, in Melbourne,
um, ooh, back in the '80s? Yep.
It was during my singing phase.
Why were you in a room
with Michael Jackson?
Um...
..because I'd been to his show.
Ah!
He did the Thriller show.
So this is like a backstage
meet-and-greet?
Yeah, it was the person
that I was with at the time
knew that I really liked
Michael Jackson,
and so invited me to the room
after the show.
Rebecca, were you starstruck?
Like, this guy was huge!
I was very starstruck,
because he was my fave,
and I did win a competition,
singing one of his songs.
So you're opening gambit
with Michael Jackson was that...
No, it wasn't my opening gambit.
I actually, I told him that I was,
what I was doing,
that I was acting in a show,
and he said he hadn't seen it.
What show was it?
I was a little bit upset about that.
Um, Flying Doctors.
Right, yes.
Oh, God, I loved that show.
That was so good.
He hadn't seen
The Flying Doctors,
he actually preferred
Country Practice.
So how did you get on to the fact
that you sing better than him?
Um, I think it just came up
in the conversation.
Yeah.
I just went,
"I once sang your song."
And he went, "Which one?"
I said, "Ben."
And he said,
and I said, "And I won
48 cans of Coca-Cola."
(LAUGHTER)
Bec, I think I speak for everybody
when I say...
..can you sing a little bit of "Ben"?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You can help me.
I'll help you.
OK.
TOGETHER: # Ben,
the two of us need look no more
# We both found
what we were looking for... #
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
This proves
she does know the words.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
CONCETTA: I think true.
Is this a true? Truth or a lie?
I think we've found the clue
that we've been looking for.
Yeah.
I think that that's true.
I think it's true.
Yeah, but they could've also taught
her that just before.
She's an actress.
(LAUGHTER)
She knows how to lay it on.
That's true.
It's the cans of cola that got me.
Ooh!
That is very radio.
I'm feeling true.
I think we just be crazy
and we say it's true.
Yeah, let's say true.
Yes, Concetta! Go with the feeling!
Yes! Let's go!
Alright, Bec Gidney,
is this story true or a lie?
It's a...
..true!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Wow!
And if you needed more proof,
here it is.
Here's a photo of MJ and Rebecca.
There he is!
Ah!
And the other person that's cut out
was Richard Wilkins.
(LAUGHTER)
LUKE: Oh, really?
And weirdly, it was 30 years ago,
and that was Richard Wilkins'
70th birthday.
(LAUGHTER)
Coming up, which of our guests
nearly lost their delivery driver job
because they thought
you carry pizzas
sideways?
(LAUGHTER)
Who could it be?
I'll have the answer next on
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Would I Lie To You?
And who wants to own up
to nearly losing their job,
after struggling with the basic
concept of carrying pizzas?
(LAUGHTER)
It's Luke McGregor!
I mean, of course it is.
What happened?
I just thought it was more efficient
to carry them sideways.
And then when I got to the door,
all the cheese was leaking
out of the bag.
People love
the topping,
so...
(LAUGHTER)
..uh, when it's when it's not
attached,
they get mean.
OK, Charlie, you're up next.
Right.
Good luck.
I have a three-step system
for drying myself after a shower.
(LAUGHTER)
What is your three-step system
for drying yourself
after you get out of the shower?
And why did you only do
two steps today?
(LAUGHTER)
You stinky, stinky, bastard.
Look how wet he looks.
First off, the key to the system
is equipment.
So I have an additional piece
of equipment,
which is a small
face washer,
as a transitional step
to your big, fluffy towel.
OK.
So in the shower...
I'm sorry, what sort of towel?
Big, fluffy towel.
The BFT.
Yeah.
Everybody knows it. Yeah.
So what, step one
is use your hands
like a squeegee,
and just get any loose water off
like that.
CONCETTA: No! No! No!
You just loose water off,
just hands down
and off!
Add a bit of that,
a bit of Jay-Z, you know...
FRANK: Bit of that.
..dust your shoulders off, right?
Bit of that, bit of that bit,
bit of that.
Yeah.
You just gotta get...
A bit...
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, get everything...
CHARLIE: You gotta wring it...
(LAUGHTER)
No.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, step one is to
injure your penis...
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
REBECCA: By wringing it!
You wring the penis!
Chinese burning your own dick?
OK, OK.
That is step one.
Not Chinese burning,
giving it a burn of non-determined
racial origin.
That's right, that's right, sorry.
Yes, yes.
Charlie, it sounds like you don't
want to get wet,
which sounds like you should just
not have showers at all.
Yeah, but I'm not a cat.
I can't lick my own arsehole.
I mean!
But, ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to see you try!
(LAUGHTER)
Step two, that's where you need
your face washer, my friend.
You grab your face washer...
A dry face washer?
Dry face washer that's been sort of
hanging up on the top of the shower,
like, the shower screen.
Yeah.
It's dried off
since your last shower.
Yeah.
Give yourself a little once over
with the dry face washer...
Still in the shower?
Still in the shower.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So at this point,
I'm at least 65% to 72% dry.
(LAUGHTER)
I thought you were going to say,
"65 to 72 minutes in..."
(LAUGHTER)
Do you have brothers?
Because I would not dare
use a washer...
(LAUGHTER)
That's a great point.
..because they definitely used it
on their butthole.
Like, that is...
You haven't even got to
the third bit yet.
Big, fluffy towel.
Oh!
You're 65% to 72% dry,
very little surface moisture left.
Step onto the bath mat.
Not going to get too wet.
Grab your big fluffy towel.
Ooh, that's a comfy situation.
Charlie Pickering leaves
that bathroom a dry guy every time.
Yeah.
Looking at that beard
and everything,
I'm getting an image, personally,
I'm getting an image of you
stepping out of the bath,
and then going...
(LAUGHTER)
That last little flick.
And then I just run out on the lawn
and roll around on the grass.
Yeah.
My dermatologist,
uh, who I see every day...
(LAUGHTER)
..she said, you know, she said,
"You need more, you need more
vitamin D."
And I said,
"OK, so should I take vitamin D?"
'Cause I try and
stay out of the sun.
And she said, "No, no, when you, uh,
if you shower every morning,
when the UV's below 3,
um, when you're,
when you're sort of
towelling yourself off,
um, go out into the sun, topless,
and just absorb the below UV 3 sun.
Just, sort of...
And I live in an apartment block,
so...
(LAUGHTER)
..that would mean going
down the stairs
and standing in the apartment block
driveway...
(LAUGHTER)
So I've never done it,
but, uh, that's, that's my system.
(LAUGHTER)
Have we asked enough questions
of Charlie to ascertain
whether or not this is true?
Squeegee off the body,
go to the small towel,
before you get out of the bath,
and then just a little bit
on the big, fluffy towel.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Really? This is mental to me!
Weirdly, I kind of do it.
I obviously don't use a big,
fluffy towel, because I'm a man.
Um...
(LAUGHTER)
His towel's made of nails and shit!
(LAUGHTER)
I use, uh, yeah,
I use 30 grit sandpaper.
(LAUGHTER)
What are we, what are we going for?
So we've got a "quite possible",
we've got a "nyuh".
Nah, nah.
Even repulsed, I feel.
Yeah, fully, yeah.
He's quite a fastidious man,
Charles Pickering.
See, now I'm...
He is.
Yeah, actually, maybe it is true.
OK, based on that,
we're going to say it's true.
So, hang on, wait, wait,
you think it's insane,
off-putting,
and you took one look at me,
and said, "Maybe it is true"?
Yeah!
Yep. Yeah.
Right.
We're going to lock in true?
Yep.
Alright, Charlie Pickering,
is that story true or a lie?
It is...
..true.
Of course it is.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Of course it is.
Charlie does have a three-step
system for drying himself
after a shower,
and if you would like to
download a factsheet,
If you sign up now,
you get a free face washer.
(LAUGHTER)
More truth and lies
on Would I Lie To You? next.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back.
Our next round is called
"This Is My..."
where we bring on a mystery guest
who has a close connection
to one of our panellists.
Now, this week, each of Frank's
team will claim it is them
that has the genuine connection
to our guest.
It is up to Charlie's team
to spot who's telling the truth.
Oh!
Mm.
So please put your hands together
for this week's special guest, Paul.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let's start with you, Concetta.
Who is Paul to you?
Oh, hi, Paul! So handsome.
Um, so this is Paul,
my acupuncturist,
and he once accidentally
left a needle in my head.
Ooh!
Alright, Harley,
who is Paul to you?
This is Paul, and I once got him
to quit a job for me
because I was too much of a coward
to do it myself.
(LAUGHTER)
And Frank, who is Paul to you?
Ah! So handsome!
(LAUGHTER)
Um...
..this is, this is Paul.
It's good to see you, Paul, again.
(LAUGHTER)
Paul, despite me having
a "No Junk Mail" sign,
uh, Paul has persisted in putting
junk mail in my letterbox.
Ooh! So there we have it.
Is Paul Concetta's
absent-minded acupuncturist,
Harley's resignation representative
or Frank's mail mischief maker?
Charlie's team.
Why don't you start with Concetta?
Do you get acupuncture regularly?
No.
No further questions.
(LAUGHTER)
How long did it take you to realise,
"Oh, there's still a needle
in there?"
After my appointment,
I was running around doing errands,
and I didn't realise
until I got home,
and had a shower,
and felt it in the back of my head.
And whereabouts in your head was it?
Like, here, like...
You must have just thought,
"Little prick!"
(LAUGHTER)
My mum worked at a restaurant once,
and, uh,
tripped over and got a fork stuck
in one of the people's heads.
And, uh...
What?
Where is this going?
Oh, it's not going anywhere!
(LAUGHTER)
It got rid of their migraines.
(LAUGHTER)
Have you been back to Paul since?
Yes.
Well, she had to return the needle.
I haven't had the acupuncture
before.
Can you just, is it bad if you
just pull them out yourself?
Is that a bad...thing?
No, you can.
How long ago was this?
A couple of months ago.
And then you said, "Paul,
"I'm gonna go on TV,
"and I want you to
ruin your career."
(LAUGHTER)
Well, um, Paul, I hope you've got
other options that you can go to,
buddy, 'cause, uh...
Can I just say, look, it sounds to
me like you're saying, "pole".
Yeah, I say, "bowl", "Paul"...
Yeah.
..weird.
Not a ball!
Pau-Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
You still sound just like
you're saying, "pole"!
Like, I'm friends with a pole.
(LAUGHTER)
Any more questions for Concetta?
I got more about how to say "Paul"!
(LAUGHTER)
Let's, uh, let's direct
some questions to Harley.
So, Harley, what was the job
that you were quitting?
This one.
(LAUGHTER)
Pole, have you got something
you'd like to say?
No, um, it was,
I worked at Red Rooster.
What was your job at Red Rooster?
I was a chicken technician.
(LAUGHTER)
What did that involve?
Story checks out!
(LAUGHTER)
Um, I would check the chickens...
(LAUGHTER)
For what?!
..and if they were asleep,
I'd push them over.
(LAUGHTER)
No, I worked in the kitchen.
Did you do that thing where
you don't show up for your shift
and then...
..P-Dog, uh...
(LAUGHTER)
..has to say,
"Oh, Harley, Harley's quit"?
Yeah. I got Paul to call.
And so he rang up on your behalf?
Was he ringing,
pretending to be you, quitting?
No.
So he just rang up, and said,
"Harley quits"?
Yeah, it...
(LAUGHTER)
He's more polite than that, Charles.
He said, "Hello, this is Paul.
"I'm a friend of Harley's,
"and he quits."
Did you ever think that maybe you
could just ask for the night off
to go out? Or did you...
It seems like something
I could have done.
I don't like confrontation,
and I,
and I was worried
that they would say no,
and so I thought the best option
is to never go back again.
(LAUGHTER)
Frank, remind us again
who Paul is to you.
Well, Paul is a friend of mine,
um, who,
although I've got a "No Junk Mail"
sign on my letterbox,
he puts junk mail into my letterbox
that's got a "No Junk Mail"
sign on the letterbox.
Does Paul deliver junk mail
as a job?
No.
No, it's a...
So it's a bit of a running,
it's a bit of a running joke?
It's a specific piece of junk mail.
Oh, what's the specific
piece of junk mail?
It's a single piece of Coles,
get all your bargains from Coles
this week, junk mail,
glossy sort of thing.
But it's just the one item.
And how often does he do this?
It'll turn up in our letterbox,
I would say,
about once every three days,
because it's kind of a kooky little
thing between
our family and their family.
'cause what happened was,
we were talking out on the street,
and he had the piece of junk mail
in his hand,
because it had just been
put in his letterbox,
and we were talking about
something else.
I think it might have been,
this might not be right,
but the community garden
that he works in
at the Fitzroy Housing Commission
flats,
or something like that.
Seems like a bit too much detail.
It makes me get a whiff of that
I might be making this up, but...
(LAUGHTER)
And when I came out the next day,
that piece of junk mail was just
sticking out of our letterbox.
Yes.
Right>
So I just took it and I went over
and I stuck it in his letterbox.
Right? And then it was probably
about two days later
it appeared back in our letterbox,
and that was about...
How long ago, Paul, do you reckon?
(LAUGHTER)
I would say about, um,
six weeks ago,
or something like that.
I once stole every "For Sale"
sign in my neighbourhood
and put them all out the front
of one person's house.
(LAUGHTER)
Was it out front of Paul's house?
It was Paul's house, yeah!
Alright, we do need an answer.
So Charlie's team,
is Paul Concetta's
absent-minded acupuncturist,
Harley's resignation representative
or Frank's mail mischief maker?
Yeah, I'm a bit Red Rooster-ish.
Oh, you're Red Rooster-ing?
Well, I'm thinking is Harley...
I would say that Harley probably
wouldn't get someone else
to do it for him.
Oh, OK.
I've seen this show
a couple of times.
I don't think Frank's
a very good liar.
(LAUGHTER)
Concetta's got to be a lie,
'cause she's only interacted
with him twice,
and it's a big career risk
to just come on and say,
"Hey, I'm the guy who left a needle
in the head!"
I think it's,
I think it's Frank or Harley.
I'm leaning towards Frank.
One vote for Frank.
One vote for Harley.
Charlie, you're the decider.
I'm going to trust my gut
and go with Frank.
Paul, please,
who are you?
I'm Paul,
and I phoned Harley's boss
and told him that he quit,
because he was too much of a coward.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
What a good friend!
I'm sorry,
I said Frank wasn't a good liar.
He is a really good liar.
A really good liar!
It's true. Harley is too chicken
to face authority.
Hey, thank you very much, Paul,
wherever you are.
Couldn't get out of here
quick enough!
(LAUGHTER)
Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back.
It's time to ramp up the pace
and play Quick Fire Lies.
These guests have no idea
what they're about to read
on the card in front of them.
It could be a true tale
from their life,
or a tall tale that we just made up.
Luke, you're on.
Yes.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I once played James Bond.
I'm just kidding.
(LAUGHTER)
I won a car, after coming first
in a quoits competition
on a cruise ship.
Wow!
You won a car?
Wow. So please describe that
incident in more detail.
So, quoits is the game where you
have the,
the stick...
The quoit?
..the quoit, and you...
Oh, no, the quoit's the...
I thought the quoit is the game?
Your story, I'm sorry.
Well, it's where you throw rings
on a stick.
What sort of car did you win?
Oh, it wasn't a real car.
It was one of the, you know,
the remote,
you know the ones you can sit in,
that are small,
and yeah, more for kids?
Was there, like,
a whole quoits tournament going on?
No, it was whoever got the most
rings on the stick.
Oh, sort of like a carnival
type thing, of like...
Yeah, so you had ten rings,
and whoever got the most on
won the...
..kiddie car.
What happened after you won the car?
Like, talk us through the days
after getting the...
A lot of sex, uh...
(LAUGHTER)
High five, you guys, high five.
But, unfortunately,
just with the quoits!
Went cruising around the ship...
Get in! Uh...
(LAUGHTER)
Where did the cruise leave from?
Mm, Tassie.
Checks out.
(LAUGHTER)
Yep. There's ocean.
It's surrounded by it.
Which part of Tassie?
Hobart.
OK.
Oh...
Ooh, I think the port's in Devonport,
isn't it?
No, there's also, like,
if it's a cruise ship,
they do park in Hobart, as well.
It's big enough
for a cruise ship.
And doesn't the, the Spirit of
Tasmania pulls into Launceston?
I mean,
Tasmania's nothing but ports.
(LAUGHTER)
How many quoits did you get
onto the stick?
Seven.
Seven?
So you're quite a,
you're quite handy with a quoit?
I haven't been able to replicate
my time on the cruise ship,
but I had a little, at that moment,
I did really...
Do you think it was actually
the fact that it was all like this
actually helped you?
It could have been correcting
my poor form, yeah.
How far away from you,
as the quoit chucker, was the stick?
About where that, uh,
that first, uh...
..dead audience member is.
About to here.
OK, so I just want to...
Oh,
we're really testing this story.
So this is, would that be roughly
a quoit-sized notebook,
would you say?
I mean, it's a different shape.
It's a different shape.
It's a different weight.
It doesn't have a hole
in the middle,
and also we're not
in a cruise ship.
I'm getting a kind of fuck-off vibe,
is that?
(LAUGHTER)
Maybe,
maybe I'll go say we won't be trying
that particular method of...
(LAUGHTER)
I'm happy to try it, I'm just saying
your experiment is flawed.
Yeah.
Alright, Frank's team,
do you think Luke is telling
the truth, on this occasion?
I think yes.
Yes. Yep.
Yes.
True.
We do. We've got...
That's three yeses.
Yep.
Luke, is this story true or a lie?
It's a lie.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
He had us all!
Yes!
He had us all.
Not even a cruise ship
could carry enough SPF 50
for Luke on deck.
We should have known.
Alright, Concetta, it's your turn.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I used a fake accent for two years
at a waitressing job.
What was the accent?
French.
Can we get a sample, please?
Bonjour!
(LAUGHTER)
Either you are French
or you've seen a lot of Yoplait
commercials.
If you could say "Bonjour, Luke,
"um, what would you
like to order today?"
Yeah.
(IN EXAGGERATED FRENCH ACCENT)
Bonjour, Luke.
What would you like to order today?
(LAUGHTER)
There's a lot of regions
and subcultures in France.
Yeah.
So why did you do this?
I wanted to seem more interesting,
and I have always done accents.
Like, people think I sound
American now.
When I was young, I had,
like, a weird British accent,
and I just wanted to try French.
If that's her French accent,
after two years of practice...
(LAUGHTER)
..it must have started off
pretty bad.
But I was 16,
and I'm now a secret age
that I can't say.
Could you give us
a British accent, then?
Of course, Guv'nor!
(LAUGHTER)
I'm REALLY good at accents.
Maybe a German accent.
Oh, guten morgen!
(LAUGHTER)
Checks out.
You are so good at accents.
Amazing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Were you,
were you doing it
to get bigger tips?
Yeah, because...
Did you say "tips"?
(LAUGHTER)
Well, it would be weird
to put on an accent,
thinking that your breasts
would grow.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, what do you...
This feels like a big old lie
to me, huh?
But she could've been putting on
that it was a bad French accent...
Oh, the double...
..to try and throw us off.
Go with your gut, Pickering.
I think it is
a lie.
Concetta, is it true or a lie?
(IN BAD FRENCH ACCENT)
No, it was a lie!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You're with us on
Would I Lie To You?
Next round is called Could It Be,
where I give our teams
a general statement
that has nothing to do with them.
But you've just got to decide
whether or not it's lies or legit.
Frank's team, you're up first,
and here is your statement.
A Magpie can remember your face
for up to five years.
You were looking
at me when you said that.
Is it specifically my face,
or is it a more general sort of...
Well, your face is particularly
unforgettable, but generally, faces.
I've heard this.
Ah.
But not from a credible source.
Just from a bloke, um,
down the park,
uh, hiding in a bush, and, um...
(LAUGHTER)
Definitely, like, you hear about
animals doing all sorts of
kooky things like that,
that you wouldn't expect, you know?
Like, you'll see, you'll see
on YouTube something like a,
you know, I saw a cuttlefish
that can do Wordle, or whatever.
Do you know what I mean?
(LAUGHTER)
It can be quite surprising, like,
you wouldn't expect it to be...
There was a YouTube I saw,
where a horse, if you told it,
the, um, how much the government
was investing in public housing,
it could, like, stamp out an average
of how much that would lower rents,
you know, so that if a magpie
can remember a person's face for,
for that long, like, I feel a bit,
I feel a bit, um, ashamed of myself,
because I don't think I would
remember a magpie's face for...
Yes, and like...
I reckon if a magpie swooped me...
Oh, they all look the same to you,
don't they, Frank?
I'm a bit magpie-ist!
(LAUGHTER)
That's true. I reckon that if I was,
like, a magpie swooped me,
and then I was taken down
to the police station
and there was five magpies lined up,
I'd be like, "It could have been
any one of them." Really.
Would it be would it be like,
like, Usual Suspects,
where they hand him a bit of paper,
and say, read this out:
(IMITATES MAGPIE)
(LAUGHTER)
Um, but I reckon they probably
do remember faces.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that we think they do.
I think they do.
Do you think it is true?
Yes.
I think we're going to say true.
It is, of course...
..true!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
A magpie can remember your face
for up to five years,
and here's an extra fun fact,
it can recognise up to
100 different faces.
Charlie's team, it's your turn.
Your statement is...
Yes?
..Usain Bolt ate
1,000 chicken nuggets
during the 2008 Olympics.
So how many days
is the Olympic Games?
It's two weeks.
That's 14 human days.
14 human days...
80 a day, over four weeks?
Something like that.
80 times 14, say...
Yeah, it is about 80 a day.
70 or 80.
No, but I know that he eats
junk food.
I know, 'cause he's a sprinter,
he can pretty much eat
whatever he likes.
Where were the 2008 Olympics held?
Good question. I don't know.
They were...Beijing?
Just outside of McDonald's!
(LAUGHTER)
So he has four meals a day,
he's having 20 nuggets a meal,
plus whatever else is in there.
And the thing is,
he's got the time to do it,
'cause his race is very short.
I've never understood, like, how
they decide how long the races are,
like, because you've got,
it feels like it's set in stone,
that it's, you know, the 800
metres, and the 400 and the 200,
and the 100,
but why do we stop there?
Why don't, like, you could have
the 50 and the 25,
and the ten and the five,
and the one metre race,
nd you could have the
one centimetre race.
Like...
(LAUGHTER)
Why do we stop at 100?
I am going to need an answer,
Charlie's team.
Oh, it's doable.
It feels like it's a lot of protein.
We are going to say...
..it's a lie.
Ooh!
It is...
..true.
Oh!
(APPLAUSE)
That's right. The fastest man on
earth ate 1,000 chicken nuggies,
100 a day for ten days,
because, he says,
it was the only food he could trust.
(LAUGHTER)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
And that noise signals
it is the end of the show,
and I can reveal
tonight's winner is...
..Frank's team.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And that's it for
Would I Lie To You?
Thank you so much for watching,
and remember,
speak the truth from your heart,
and lies through your teeth.
Good night.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Captions by Red Bee Media
Hello, there. I'm Chrissie Swan,
and welcome to Would I Lie to You,
the show where the line between
fact and fiction can get a bit fuzzy.
Let's meet the players, shall we?
As a TV host,
he's comfortable with breaking news,
but he's here tonight
to bend some truths,
and would he lie to us?
Let's find out, as we welcome
new team captain, Charlie Pickering.
Hello!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alongside Charlie,
it's comedian, Luke McGregor.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Also joining Charlie is
the Gold Logie-winning actor,
please welcome the magnificent
Rebecca Gibney.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
After sell-out shows,
and spending 30 years on TV -
can you believe it? -
this comedian has become
part of the furniture,
which explains why we always
find coins down the back of him.
It's the team captain you can take
to the bank, Frank Woodley.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
On Frank's team
is a radio personality,
and, this is true,
face of a beer cologne -
welcome, Mr Harley Breen.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And finally, she's a rising star
of Australian comedy, shining bright.
Please welcome Concetta Caristo.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright.
How do we play?
Our teams will take turns
at reading stories.
It's up to the opposing team
to determine whether the story
is true or a lie.
So, to round one, Home Truths,
where panellists read out a statement
from the card in front of them.
To make things even harder,
they've never seen the card before.
It's up to the opposing team to
sort the fact from the fabrication.
Luke, are you alright?
Because you're up first.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
To spice up a date at a restaurant,
I picked up our table
and rotated it 180 degrees.
(LAUGHTER)
Who were you on a date with?
I will take no questions.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, then we'll say
that it's true, OK?
We can all go home.
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, I was on a date
with a lady I met on Bumble.
Yeah, man.
Yeah!
Wow, that was like a high
two-and-a-half there.
We missed!
Was this a first date,
or had you been out on dates before?
It was a first date,
it was a first date.
Had you tried this technique
on a date before,
or was this the first time?
No, this was the first
and last time.
(LAUGHTER)
What happened?
She went to the bathroom. I didn't
think the date was going very well,
so I thought I will reset it...
(LAUGHTER)
..by turning everything 180 degrees.
You thought a really nice way
to create some intimacy
would be to just
fuck with her mind?
(LAUGHTER)
Did you turn her food to you
and your food to her?
No. Well, I turned everything 180,
and then when she came out
of the bathroom,
I was sitting on the other side
and everything was,
all of her stuff
was on the other side.
So to her, it just, like,
like, she just came out
and everything was the opposite.
Does that work for you?
Like, does it work?
Uh, we're married with seven kids
now, yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
I really, I thought as soon
as she would come out of the toilet,
I'd say,
I'd be on the other side,
and she'd go, "What have you done?"
And I'd be, like,
I just thought the date was,
I just thought this would be fun,
let's start again.
But then she didn't notice,
and I didn't say anything,
so we just awkwardly ate,
but opposite sides, then, yeah,
it just, uh... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
So is it quite likely
that there's somebody at home
watching the telly now, going,
"I knew there was something weird!"
I knew it! I knew it!
I think so!
Any more questions, Frank's team?
I'm genuinely confused.
I think, my feeling is,
I've got a feeling that it's true.
True! Me too!
Because he just literally went,
I'm going to turn the tables
on this,
I'm going to make this work.
It's feeling a bit awkward.
So I'm feeling like, true.
True.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
I don't want to rock the...
Look
I, would believe anything
Luke says.
Then you're at a significant
disadvantage in this game.
Yes, yeah.
But I think we're going to go
for true.
Yeah.
We think it's true.
True. Alright. Luke McGregor,
is that story true or a lie?
It's true.
CONCETTA: Yes!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yes!
Bless him!
Now that you know it's true,
is there anything else
you want to say to...
I think she, she missed out. Yes.
She missed out on Luke by not being
able to cope with the quirky fun.
Is, is it, uh,
possible to get a shot
of the audience?
Is that a little thing we can do
in television?
I reckon we could.
Could we get a shot of the audience?
Can you put your hands up
if you thought that would be
a fun thing to come back to?
(LAUGHTER)
(WHOOPS FROM AUDIENCE)
Keep your hand up if you're single.
FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes!
Alright! So we got one!
We have a winner!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Congratulations.
Harley, you are next.
Oh!
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
My family had to stage
an intervention
to stop me from cow tipping.
(LAUGHTER)
CONCETTA: From what?
From... Am I right?
This is when cows are asleep
in a field
and you push them over.
I thought it was when you go to,
like, a dairy,
and you're so impressed,
you leave a couple of coins.
(LAUGHTER)
But that's true, isn't it? Like there
is sleeping cows in a paddock?
Yes.
And they sleep standing up.
Yep.
And you push them over?
That's correct.
And that's funny to you?
It is, yes.
How many cows would you have tipped
in your lifetime?
Oh, in the hundreds.
Hundreds?
Wow.
Oh, have you ever turned a cow round
180 degrees?
(LAUGHTER)
What?!
How did you learn about the art
of cow... When you're, like...
I'm someone who's never
tipped a cow,
and now I would like to be
someone who has tipped a cow.
When did that take place?
I learnt it from a family member.
It was, it was a family tradition,
but it was...
So, generational?
Often, these sort of things
are generational.
When there's an intervention
involved.
But it's only meant to be done
on special occasions,
so, and I was just doing it
any old day of the week.
So what special occasions
do you cow tip on?
Oh, like a gender reveal party
or something?
Frank: Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go to the intervention.
What problem did your family
have with it,
given that it was a family tradition?
To be honest with you, it was like,
it's a bit of fun,
we went out for a night,
cow tipping,
and then, each night,
I'd try and go out,
um, cow tipping,
and they said, "That's enough."
"You can't be going out
in the middle of the night
"to tip the cows."
(LAUGHTER)
Do you miss it?
Um...
(LAUGHTER)
It's a hard thing
you brought that up.
Do you feel confident you could
just tip one cow and then walk away?
Or is it like
once you've tipped one,
the whole problem starts up again?
It's a slippery slope, Frank. Um...
Well, if it's a slippery slope,
you tip them
and they slide down the slope.
You could ride them!
Ride them down the slope.
(LAUGHTER)
It was all within my teenage years.
You know, from 12 to about...
You never answered Concetta's
question - do you miss it?
Yes, I do. It was a lot of fun.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah, I would like to do it again.
It does sound like it's a,
like,
an abhorrent,
from a kind of a humanitarian...
Is that...no, they're cows.
What do you call it when it's cows?
Bovanitarian.
..bovanitarian perspective,
clearly a terrible thing to do,
but I think we're all kind of
going... (GIGGLES)
..as well, and wouldn't mind
getting into a bit of, you know?
They don't get hurt.
They're very big.
Right?
They're fine.
I feel like the cows would actually
prefer it if we just tipped them
and didn't eat them.
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, Charlie's team,
what do you think?
Truth or a lie?
Ooh...
I don't want to live in a world
where Harley's a cow tipper,
but I think it's true.
Yeah, I think it's true.
Yeah, I find it very believable.
Mm.
I mean, you've got the face
of a cow tipper.
He's got the demeanour
of a cow tipper.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You've tipped
and you will tip again.
I think so.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, we're going to go with
that is, that is true.
Sounds like three truths there.
Yep.
Harley Breen,
is that story true or a lie?
Uh, that is a...
..lie.
NO!
Oh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I don't even know if it's possible.
Has anyone actually done it?
You have? There we go.
Oh, a gentleman at the back.
Well done.
Arrest that man.
(LAUGHTER)
I can confirm no cows were harmed
in the making of that story.
VOICEOVER: Coming up
after the break...
Yeah, check this out...
..what gets Frank Woodley
putting his tail between his legs
on Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Would I Lie To You?
Frank, you are up next
with your Home Truth.
Once, while on stage,
Lano and I persisted with the show,
despite suspecting there was a dead
audience member in the front row.
(GASPS)
Ooh!
Who was the show going well?
(LAUGHTER)
It was a good show,
but, um,
what happened was
this person
had gone like this,
down like that,
just leant forward, right?
And I thought,
"Fantastic.
They're laughing so much
that they're gonna go..."
I looked over, and they're gonna go.
(LAUGHTER)
CONCETTA: Yes!
Yes.
Like that.
And I looked at them,
and they didn't come up,
and I was just, like...
..and I just went on
with the show for a bit,
and then when I checked in
the next time,
they were still down,
and I thought,
I think they might have just di...
..died.
(LAUGHTER)
At some point, did you say to Colin,
like, did you just keep
doing the show,
or did you at one point go,
"I'm going to check on this person",
or...
Yeah, after about 10 minutes,
you know, my, um,
my empathy got the better of me,
and I said, "Excuse me, this person
seems to have collapsed.
"Are you OK?"
And they went,
"Oh, I'm looking for my jumper."
(LAUGHTER)
LUKE: For 10 minutes?
Yeah.
For 10 minutes?
Yeah.
That's a long time
to look for a jumper.
Isn't it?
How can you check such a small spot
for 10 minutes?
Exactly.
I beg your pardon?
Well, if they're bent down,
they've got the...
They can check the space
that their arms can reach.
How would that take 10 minutes?
What had happened was they'd, um,
they'd put their jumper on the floor
and somebody had been walking in
later,
and had gotten caught up
in the jumper,
and had kicked it,
and it had gone more than
a seat's worth under.
So they were basically,
we couldn't see,
but they were under there,
going...
(LAUGHTER)
..like, trying to reach
behind the seat to get the...
See, the thing you guys don't know
is that Lano and Woodley
are slapstick,
and so is all of their audience.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, you know,
oh, that reminds me of the time
I saw a goat being born, but, um...
(LAUGHTER)
..but that's another story.
Why did the goat have hands?!
Like...
(LAUGHTER)
What the...?!
How?
It was an artistic interpretation
of hoofs.
How did the audience respond,
when you said,
"I'm sorry,
I think this person's not OK",
and they sat up and said,
"Oh, I was just looking
for my jumper"?
I think Colin said the thing
of going,
"Oh, when I saw you
with your head down,
"I was hoping you were going
to come up, going..."
And the audience all laughed
at that,
and then we just moved on.
Is this bit towards
the end of the show,
or was it, like, intermission?
What's the, you know?
Yeah, it was intermission,
everybody had gone,
which made it not quite as...
"Colin, everyone's left
apart from him,
"I'm pretty sure he's dead!"
(LAUGHTER)
Can I just say something?
I don't want to stab you
in the back, as one of my idols,
and we're on the same team,
but I'm about to.
Um, so my boyfriend once did a show.
He's a comedian, too. Big fans.
Anyway, so he did a show,
and a guy in the front row
was slumped over,
and unlike you, my boyfriend
stopped the show pretty quick
The show went in the toilet,
ambulances came, he was passed out,
and then he got aggressive,
and, like, it was a whole thing,
it was a big gossip.
So I am either disappointed,
or it's bullshit,
that you watched someone
slumped over for 10 minutes
without saying anything, when I know
you to be a beautiful man.
Well, I actually...
(LAUGHTER)
I appreciate, I appreciate
your, um, commendations there,
but I actually went to your
boyfriend's show that night,
and I remember the guy being taken
to the ambulance, going,
"I was just looking for my jumper!"
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, Charlie's team,
we're going to need an answer.
Is that true or a lie?
He's a really good storyteller!
You're so good.
I...
..just, you don't look for 10
minutes just in the one little spot.
This guy's...
It doesn't make any sense.
It seems like a big old lie to me.
Did I say jumper? Hearing aid!
He was looking for his hearing aid,
and he couldn't enjoy the show
unless he found it.
Can we just cut in "hearing aid"
every time I said "jumper"?
Look like this. You look down
the barrel, and say,
"jumper",
and then this is what it'll sound
like, OK? Just mouth it.
OK.
Hearing aid.
I'm happy with that!
No one will ever know.
(LAUGHTER)
He's, I think he's got
such an honest face.
I think he's telling the truth.
I,
I am
gonna say true.
(GASPS)
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
I think it's true.
Ooh, see, they think it's bullshit.
(LAUGHTER)
If it's true, then Lano and Woodley
are horrible, horrible people,
who don't check on
dead audience members.
That's what I'm saying!
Alright.
They're saying that it's true.
Frank, is it true?
Well, I'm just glad that I'm playing
against you guys
and not against the audience,
because it's a lie.
Oh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh!
It is, of course, a lie,
although I've been in the audience
for some shows where I wish
that I was dead.
(LAUGHTER)
Next up, it's your turn,
Rebecca Gibney.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I told Michael Jackson
I could sing his own song
better than him.
What was the context in which
you were talking to Michael Jackson?
Um, it was a room, in Melbourne,
um, ooh, back in the '80s? Yep.
It was during my singing phase.
Why were you in a room
with Michael Jackson?
Um...
..because I'd been to his show.
Ah!
He did the Thriller show.
So this is like a backstage
meet-and-greet?
Yeah, it was the person
that I was with at the time
knew that I really liked
Michael Jackson,
and so invited me to the room
after the show.
Rebecca, were you starstruck?
Like, this guy was huge!
I was very starstruck,
because he was my fave,
and I did win a competition,
singing one of his songs.
So you're opening gambit
with Michael Jackson was that...
No, it wasn't my opening gambit.
I actually, I told him that I was,
what I was doing,
that I was acting in a show,
and he said he hadn't seen it.
What show was it?
I was a little bit upset about that.
Um, Flying Doctors.
Right, yes.
Oh, God, I loved that show.
That was so good.
He hadn't seen
The Flying Doctors,
he actually preferred
Country Practice.
So how did you get on to the fact
that you sing better than him?
Um, I think it just came up
in the conversation.
Yeah.
I just went,
"I once sang your song."
And he went, "Which one?"
I said, "Ben."
And he said,
and I said, "And I won
48 cans of Coca-Cola."
(LAUGHTER)
Bec, I think I speak for everybody
when I say...
..can you sing a little bit of "Ben"?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You can help me.
I'll help you.
OK.
TOGETHER: # Ben,
the two of us need look no more
# We both found
what we were looking for... #
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
This proves
she does know the words.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
CONCETTA: I think true.
Is this a true? Truth or a lie?
I think we've found the clue
that we've been looking for.
Yeah.
I think that that's true.
I think it's true.
Yeah, but they could've also taught
her that just before.
She's an actress.
(LAUGHTER)
She knows how to lay it on.
That's true.
It's the cans of cola that got me.
Ooh!
That is very radio.
I'm feeling true.
I think we just be crazy
and we say it's true.
Yeah, let's say true.
Yes, Concetta! Go with the feeling!
Yes! Let's go!
Alright, Bec Gidney,
is this story true or a lie?
It's a...
..true!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Wow!
And if you needed more proof,
here it is.
Here's a photo of MJ and Rebecca.
There he is!
Ah!
And the other person that's cut out
was Richard Wilkins.
(LAUGHTER)
LUKE: Oh, really?
And weirdly, it was 30 years ago,
and that was Richard Wilkins'
70th birthday.
(LAUGHTER)
Coming up, which of our guests
nearly lost their delivery driver job
because they thought
you carry pizzas
sideways?
(LAUGHTER)
Who could it be?
I'll have the answer next on
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Would I Lie To You?
And who wants to own up
to nearly losing their job,
after struggling with the basic
concept of carrying pizzas?
(LAUGHTER)
It's Luke McGregor!
I mean, of course it is.
What happened?
I just thought it was more efficient
to carry them sideways.
And then when I got to the door,
all the cheese was leaking
out of the bag.
People love
the topping,
so...
(LAUGHTER)
..uh, when it's when it's not
attached,
they get mean.
OK, Charlie, you're up next.
Right.
Good luck.
I have a three-step system
for drying myself after a shower.
(LAUGHTER)
What is your three-step system
for drying yourself
after you get out of the shower?
And why did you only do
two steps today?
(LAUGHTER)
You stinky, stinky, bastard.
Look how wet he looks.
First off, the key to the system
is equipment.
So I have an additional piece
of equipment,
which is a small
face washer,
as a transitional step
to your big, fluffy towel.
OK.
So in the shower...
I'm sorry, what sort of towel?
Big, fluffy towel.
The BFT.
Yeah.
Everybody knows it. Yeah.
So what, step one
is use your hands
like a squeegee,
and just get any loose water off
like that.
CONCETTA: No! No! No!
You just loose water off,
just hands down
and off!
Add a bit of that,
a bit of Jay-Z, you know...
FRANK: Bit of that.
..dust your shoulders off, right?
Bit of that, bit of that bit,
bit of that.
Yeah.
You just gotta get...
A bit...
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, get everything...
CHARLIE: You gotta wring it...
(LAUGHTER)
No.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, step one is to
injure your penis...
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
REBECCA: By wringing it!
You wring the penis!
Chinese burning your own dick?
OK, OK.
That is step one.
Not Chinese burning,
giving it a burn of non-determined
racial origin.
That's right, that's right, sorry.
Yes, yes.
Charlie, it sounds like you don't
want to get wet,
which sounds like you should just
not have showers at all.
Yeah, but I'm not a cat.
I can't lick my own arsehole.
I mean!
But, ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to see you try!
(LAUGHTER)
Step two, that's where you need
your face washer, my friend.
You grab your face washer...
A dry face washer?
Dry face washer that's been sort of
hanging up on the top of the shower,
like, the shower screen.
Yeah.
It's dried off
since your last shower.
Yeah.
Give yourself a little once over
with the dry face washer...
Still in the shower?
Still in the shower.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So at this point,
I'm at least 65% to 72% dry.
(LAUGHTER)
I thought you were going to say,
"65 to 72 minutes in..."
(LAUGHTER)
Do you have brothers?
Because I would not dare
use a washer...
(LAUGHTER)
That's a great point.
..because they definitely used it
on their butthole.
Like, that is...
You haven't even got to
the third bit yet.
Big, fluffy towel.
Oh!
You're 65% to 72% dry,
very little surface moisture left.
Step onto the bath mat.
Not going to get too wet.
Grab your big fluffy towel.
Ooh, that's a comfy situation.
Charlie Pickering leaves
that bathroom a dry guy every time.
Yeah.
Looking at that beard
and everything,
I'm getting an image, personally,
I'm getting an image of you
stepping out of the bath,
and then going...
(LAUGHTER)
That last little flick.
And then I just run out on the lawn
and roll around on the grass.
Yeah.
My dermatologist,
uh, who I see every day...
(LAUGHTER)
..she said, you know, she said,
"You need more, you need more
vitamin D."
And I said,
"OK, so should I take vitamin D?"
'Cause I try and
stay out of the sun.
And she said, "No, no, when you, uh,
if you shower every morning,
when the UV's below 3,
um, when you're,
when you're sort of
towelling yourself off,
um, go out into the sun, topless,
and just absorb the below UV 3 sun.
Just, sort of...
And I live in an apartment block,
so...
(LAUGHTER)
..that would mean going
down the stairs
and standing in the apartment block
driveway...
(LAUGHTER)
So I've never done it,
but, uh, that's, that's my system.
(LAUGHTER)
Have we asked enough questions
of Charlie to ascertain
whether or not this is true?
Squeegee off the body,
go to the small towel,
before you get out of the bath,
and then just a little bit
on the big, fluffy towel.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Really? This is mental to me!
Weirdly, I kind of do it.
I obviously don't use a big,
fluffy towel, because I'm a man.
Um...
(LAUGHTER)
His towel's made of nails and shit!
(LAUGHTER)
I use, uh, yeah,
I use 30 grit sandpaper.
(LAUGHTER)
What are we, what are we going for?
So we've got a "quite possible",
we've got a "nyuh".
Nah, nah.
Even repulsed, I feel.
Yeah, fully, yeah.
He's quite a fastidious man,
Charles Pickering.
See, now I'm...
He is.
Yeah, actually, maybe it is true.
OK, based on that,
we're going to say it's true.
So, hang on, wait, wait,
you think it's insane,
off-putting,
and you took one look at me,
and said, "Maybe it is true"?
Yeah!
Yep. Yeah.
Right.
We're going to lock in true?
Yep.
Alright, Charlie Pickering,
is that story true or a lie?
It is...
..true.
Of course it is.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Of course it is.
Charlie does have a three-step
system for drying himself
after a shower,
and if you would like to
download a factsheet,
If you sign up now,
you get a free face washer.
(LAUGHTER)
More truth and lies
on Would I Lie To You? next.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back.
Our next round is called
"This Is My..."
where we bring on a mystery guest
who has a close connection
to one of our panellists.
Now, this week, each of Frank's
team will claim it is them
that has the genuine connection
to our guest.
It is up to Charlie's team
to spot who's telling the truth.
Oh!
Mm.
So please put your hands together
for this week's special guest, Paul.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let's start with you, Concetta.
Who is Paul to you?
Oh, hi, Paul! So handsome.
Um, so this is Paul,
my acupuncturist,
and he once accidentally
left a needle in my head.
Ooh!
Alright, Harley,
who is Paul to you?
This is Paul, and I once got him
to quit a job for me
because I was too much of a coward
to do it myself.
(LAUGHTER)
And Frank, who is Paul to you?
Ah! So handsome!
(LAUGHTER)
Um...
..this is, this is Paul.
It's good to see you, Paul, again.
(LAUGHTER)
Paul, despite me having
a "No Junk Mail" sign,
uh, Paul has persisted in putting
junk mail in my letterbox.
Ooh! So there we have it.
Is Paul Concetta's
absent-minded acupuncturist,
Harley's resignation representative
or Frank's mail mischief maker?
Charlie's team.
Why don't you start with Concetta?
Do you get acupuncture regularly?
No.
No further questions.
(LAUGHTER)
How long did it take you to realise,
"Oh, there's still a needle
in there?"
After my appointment,
I was running around doing errands,
and I didn't realise
until I got home,
and had a shower,
and felt it in the back of my head.
And whereabouts in your head was it?
Like, here, like...
You must have just thought,
"Little prick!"
(LAUGHTER)
My mum worked at a restaurant once,
and, uh,
tripped over and got a fork stuck
in one of the people's heads.
And, uh...
What?
Where is this going?
Oh, it's not going anywhere!
(LAUGHTER)
It got rid of their migraines.
(LAUGHTER)
Have you been back to Paul since?
Yes.
Well, she had to return the needle.
I haven't had the acupuncture
before.
Can you just, is it bad if you
just pull them out yourself?
Is that a bad...thing?
No, you can.
How long ago was this?
A couple of months ago.
And then you said, "Paul,
"I'm gonna go on TV,
"and I want you to
ruin your career."
(LAUGHTER)
Well, um, Paul, I hope you've got
other options that you can go to,
buddy, 'cause, uh...
Can I just say, look, it sounds to
me like you're saying, "pole".
Yeah, I say, "bowl", "Paul"...
Yeah.
..weird.
Not a ball!
Pau-Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
You still sound just like
you're saying, "pole"!
Like, I'm friends with a pole.
(LAUGHTER)
Any more questions for Concetta?
I got more about how to say "Paul"!
(LAUGHTER)
Let's, uh, let's direct
some questions to Harley.
So, Harley, what was the job
that you were quitting?
This one.
(LAUGHTER)
Pole, have you got something
you'd like to say?
No, um, it was,
I worked at Red Rooster.
What was your job at Red Rooster?
I was a chicken technician.
(LAUGHTER)
What did that involve?
Story checks out!
(LAUGHTER)
Um, I would check the chickens...
(LAUGHTER)
For what?!
..and if they were asleep,
I'd push them over.
(LAUGHTER)
No, I worked in the kitchen.
Did you do that thing where
you don't show up for your shift
and then...
..P-Dog, uh...
(LAUGHTER)
..has to say,
"Oh, Harley, Harley's quit"?
Yeah. I got Paul to call.
And so he rang up on your behalf?
Was he ringing,
pretending to be you, quitting?
No.
So he just rang up, and said,
"Harley quits"?
Yeah, it...
(LAUGHTER)
He's more polite than that, Charles.
He said, "Hello, this is Paul.
"I'm a friend of Harley's,
"and he quits."
Did you ever think that maybe you
could just ask for the night off
to go out? Or did you...
It seems like something
I could have done.
I don't like confrontation,
and I,
and I was worried
that they would say no,
and so I thought the best option
is to never go back again.
(LAUGHTER)
Frank, remind us again
who Paul is to you.
Well, Paul is a friend of mine,
um, who,
although I've got a "No Junk Mail"
sign on my letterbox,
he puts junk mail into my letterbox
that's got a "No Junk Mail"
sign on the letterbox.
Does Paul deliver junk mail
as a job?
No.
No, it's a...
So it's a bit of a running,
it's a bit of a running joke?
It's a specific piece of junk mail.
Oh, what's the specific
piece of junk mail?
It's a single piece of Coles,
get all your bargains from Coles
this week, junk mail,
glossy sort of thing.
But it's just the one item.
And how often does he do this?
It'll turn up in our letterbox,
I would say,
about once every three days,
because it's kind of a kooky little
thing between
our family and their family.
'cause what happened was,
we were talking out on the street,
and he had the piece of junk mail
in his hand,
because it had just been
put in his letterbox,
and we were talking about
something else.
I think it might have been,
this might not be right,
but the community garden
that he works in
at the Fitzroy Housing Commission
flats,
or something like that.
Seems like a bit too much detail.
It makes me get a whiff of that
I might be making this up, but...
(LAUGHTER)
And when I came out the next day,
that piece of junk mail was just
sticking out of our letterbox.
Yes.
Right>
So I just took it and I went over
and I stuck it in his letterbox.
Right? And then it was probably
about two days later
it appeared back in our letterbox,
and that was about...
How long ago, Paul, do you reckon?
(LAUGHTER)
I would say about, um,
six weeks ago,
or something like that.
I once stole every "For Sale"
sign in my neighbourhood
and put them all out the front
of one person's house.
(LAUGHTER)
Was it out front of Paul's house?
It was Paul's house, yeah!
Alright, we do need an answer.
So Charlie's team,
is Paul Concetta's
absent-minded acupuncturist,
Harley's resignation representative
or Frank's mail mischief maker?
Yeah, I'm a bit Red Rooster-ish.
Oh, you're Red Rooster-ing?
Well, I'm thinking is Harley...
I would say that Harley probably
wouldn't get someone else
to do it for him.
Oh, OK.
I've seen this show
a couple of times.
I don't think Frank's
a very good liar.
(LAUGHTER)
Concetta's got to be a lie,
'cause she's only interacted
with him twice,
and it's a big career risk
to just come on and say,
"Hey, I'm the guy who left a needle
in the head!"
I think it's,
I think it's Frank or Harley.
I'm leaning towards Frank.
One vote for Frank.
One vote for Harley.
Charlie, you're the decider.
I'm going to trust my gut
and go with Frank.
Paul, please,
who are you?
I'm Paul,
and I phoned Harley's boss
and told him that he quit,
because he was too much of a coward.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
What a good friend!
I'm sorry,
I said Frank wasn't a good liar.
He is a really good liar.
A really good liar!
It's true. Harley is too chicken
to face authority.
Hey, thank you very much, Paul,
wherever you are.
Couldn't get out of here
quick enough!
(LAUGHTER)
Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back.
It's time to ramp up the pace
and play Quick Fire Lies.
These guests have no idea
what they're about to read
on the card in front of them.
It could be a true tale
from their life,
or a tall tale that we just made up.
Luke, you're on.
Yes.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I once played James Bond.
I'm just kidding.
(LAUGHTER)
I won a car, after coming first
in a quoits competition
on a cruise ship.
Wow!
You won a car?
Wow. So please describe that
incident in more detail.
So, quoits is the game where you
have the,
the stick...
The quoit?
..the quoit, and you...
Oh, no, the quoit's the...
I thought the quoit is the game?
Your story, I'm sorry.
Well, it's where you throw rings
on a stick.
What sort of car did you win?
Oh, it wasn't a real car.
It was one of the, you know,
the remote,
you know the ones you can sit in,
that are small,
and yeah, more for kids?
Was there, like,
a whole quoits tournament going on?
No, it was whoever got the most
rings on the stick.
Oh, sort of like a carnival
type thing, of like...
Yeah, so you had ten rings,
and whoever got the most on
won the...
..kiddie car.
What happened after you won the car?
Like, talk us through the days
after getting the...
A lot of sex, uh...
(LAUGHTER)
High five, you guys, high five.
But, unfortunately,
just with the quoits!
Went cruising around the ship...
Get in! Uh...
(LAUGHTER)
Where did the cruise leave from?
Mm, Tassie.
Checks out.
(LAUGHTER)
Yep. There's ocean.
It's surrounded by it.
Which part of Tassie?
Hobart.
OK.
Oh...
Ooh, I think the port's in Devonport,
isn't it?
No, there's also, like,
if it's a cruise ship,
they do park in Hobart, as well.
It's big enough
for a cruise ship.
And doesn't the, the Spirit of
Tasmania pulls into Launceston?
I mean,
Tasmania's nothing but ports.
(LAUGHTER)
How many quoits did you get
onto the stick?
Seven.
Seven?
So you're quite a,
you're quite handy with a quoit?
I haven't been able to replicate
my time on the cruise ship,
but I had a little, at that moment,
I did really...
Do you think it was actually
the fact that it was all like this
actually helped you?
It could have been correcting
my poor form, yeah.
How far away from you,
as the quoit chucker, was the stick?
About where that, uh,
that first, uh...
..dead audience member is.
About to here.
OK, so I just want to...
Oh,
we're really testing this story.
So this is, would that be roughly
a quoit-sized notebook,
would you say?
I mean, it's a different shape.
It's a different shape.
It's a different weight.
It doesn't have a hole
in the middle,
and also we're not
in a cruise ship.
I'm getting a kind of fuck-off vibe,
is that?
(LAUGHTER)
Maybe,
maybe I'll go say we won't be trying
that particular method of...
(LAUGHTER)
I'm happy to try it, I'm just saying
your experiment is flawed.
Yeah.
Alright, Frank's team,
do you think Luke is telling
the truth, on this occasion?
I think yes.
Yes. Yep.
Yes.
True.
We do. We've got...
That's three yeses.
Yep.
Luke, is this story true or a lie?
It's a lie.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
He had us all!
Yes!
He had us all.
Not even a cruise ship
could carry enough SPF 50
for Luke on deck.
We should have known.
Alright, Concetta, it's your turn.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
I used a fake accent for two years
at a waitressing job.
What was the accent?
French.
Can we get a sample, please?
Bonjour!
(LAUGHTER)
Either you are French
or you've seen a lot of Yoplait
commercials.
If you could say "Bonjour, Luke,
"um, what would you
like to order today?"
Yeah.
(IN EXAGGERATED FRENCH ACCENT)
Bonjour, Luke.
What would you like to order today?
(LAUGHTER)
There's a lot of regions
and subcultures in France.
Yeah.
So why did you do this?
I wanted to seem more interesting,
and I have always done accents.
Like, people think I sound
American now.
When I was young, I had,
like, a weird British accent,
and I just wanted to try French.
If that's her French accent,
after two years of practice...
(LAUGHTER)
..it must have started off
pretty bad.
But I was 16,
and I'm now a secret age
that I can't say.
Could you give us
a British accent, then?
Of course, Guv'nor!
(LAUGHTER)
I'm REALLY good at accents.
Maybe a German accent.
Oh, guten morgen!
(LAUGHTER)
Checks out.
You are so good at accents.
Amazing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Were you,
were you doing it
to get bigger tips?
Yeah, because...
Did you say "tips"?
(LAUGHTER)
Well, it would be weird
to put on an accent,
thinking that your breasts
would grow.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, what do you...
This feels like a big old lie
to me, huh?
But she could've been putting on
that it was a bad French accent...
Oh, the double...
..to try and throw us off.
Go with your gut, Pickering.
I think it is
a lie.
Concetta, is it true or a lie?
(IN BAD FRENCH ACCENT)
No, it was a lie!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Stick around for more
Would I Lie To You?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You're with us on
Would I Lie To You?
Next round is called Could It Be,
where I give our teams
a general statement
that has nothing to do with them.
But you've just got to decide
whether or not it's lies or legit.
Frank's team, you're up first,
and here is your statement.
A Magpie can remember your face
for up to five years.
You were looking
at me when you said that.
Is it specifically my face,
or is it a more general sort of...
Well, your face is particularly
unforgettable, but generally, faces.
I've heard this.
Ah.
But not from a credible source.
Just from a bloke, um,
down the park,
uh, hiding in a bush, and, um...
(LAUGHTER)
Definitely, like, you hear about
animals doing all sorts of
kooky things like that,
that you wouldn't expect, you know?
Like, you'll see, you'll see
on YouTube something like a,
you know, I saw a cuttlefish
that can do Wordle, or whatever.
Do you know what I mean?
(LAUGHTER)
It can be quite surprising, like,
you wouldn't expect it to be...
There was a YouTube I saw,
where a horse, if you told it,
the, um, how much the government
was investing in public housing,
it could, like, stamp out an average
of how much that would lower rents,
you know, so that if a magpie
can remember a person's face for,
for that long, like, I feel a bit,
I feel a bit, um, ashamed of myself,
because I don't think I would
remember a magpie's face for...
Yes, and like...
I reckon if a magpie swooped me...
Oh, they all look the same to you,
don't they, Frank?
I'm a bit magpie-ist!
(LAUGHTER)
That's true. I reckon that if I was,
like, a magpie swooped me,
and then I was taken down
to the police station
and there was five magpies lined up,
I'd be like, "It could have been
any one of them." Really.
Would it be would it be like,
like, Usual Suspects,
where they hand him a bit of paper,
and say, read this out:
(IMITATES MAGPIE)
(LAUGHTER)
Um, but I reckon they probably
do remember faces.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that we think they do.
I think they do.
Do you think it is true?
Yes.
I think we're going to say true.
It is, of course...
..true!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
A magpie can remember your face
for up to five years,
and here's an extra fun fact,
it can recognise up to
100 different faces.
Charlie's team, it's your turn.
Your statement is...
Yes?
..Usain Bolt ate
1,000 chicken nuggets
during the 2008 Olympics.
So how many days
is the Olympic Games?
It's two weeks.
That's 14 human days.
14 human days...
80 a day, over four weeks?
Something like that.
80 times 14, say...
Yeah, it is about 80 a day.
70 or 80.
No, but I know that he eats
junk food.
I know, 'cause he's a sprinter,
he can pretty much eat
whatever he likes.
Where were the 2008 Olympics held?
Good question. I don't know.
They were...Beijing?
Just outside of McDonald's!
(LAUGHTER)
So he has four meals a day,
he's having 20 nuggets a meal,
plus whatever else is in there.
And the thing is,
he's got the time to do it,
'cause his race is very short.
I've never understood, like, how
they decide how long the races are,
like, because you've got,
it feels like it's set in stone,
that it's, you know, the 800
metres, and the 400 and the 200,
and the 100,
but why do we stop there?
Why don't, like, you could have
the 50 and the 25,
and the ten and the five,
and the one metre race,
nd you could have the
one centimetre race.
Like...
(LAUGHTER)
Why do we stop at 100?
I am going to need an answer,
Charlie's team.
Oh, it's doable.
It feels like it's a lot of protein.
We are going to say...
..it's a lie.
Ooh!
It is...
..true.
Oh!
(APPLAUSE)
That's right. The fastest man on
earth ate 1,000 chicken nuggies,
100 a day for ten days,
because, he says,
it was the only food he could trust.
(LAUGHTER)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
And that noise signals
it is the end of the show,
and I can reveal
tonight's winner is...
..Frank's team.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And that's it for
Would I Lie To You?
Thank you so much for watching,
and remember,
speak the truth from your heart,
and lies through your teeth.
Good night.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Captions by Red Bee Media