Workin' Moms (2017–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - Black Sheep - full transcript

(LIGHT SNORING)

(HUSHED) Mommy.

- (LOUDER) Mommy.
- (STARTLED SNORT)

Ugh, Char... Charlie,

you gotta go back to your room,
okay, monkey?

Please, love you, I love you,
go back to your room, okay?

I scared, Mommy.

(SIGHS) Please.

Ugh.

Come on.

Ugh.



(FOOTSTEPS THUD LIGHTLY)

Did you put him back in the bed?

Yes, well no.
Well, I put him in the crib.

Kate, we can't.

- Alright I'm gonna move him.
- No, no, please don't.

If he comes in here again it's all me.

You could sleep through
a kick to the balls

and I need rest, please.

(RELUCTANT SIGH) Okay.

Thank you.

(SLEEPY MOAN)

Would you still be with
me if we didn't have kids?

Do I need to put you in the crib too?

I'm serious.



I mean, of course,

but it's like we can't pretend
we don't have kids, you know.

We have kids.

I know that but...

do you wanna be with
me after they're gone?

Honestly, like one of us
could be dead by then.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

- Your phone's ringing.
- What?

- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- _

What?

Hello?

OFFICER:
Is this Kate Foster of Kate Foster PR?

Yes, what's going on?

This is Officer Barker,

we need you to come down to your office.

- Now.
- Uh. Oh, okay.

♪♪♪

Kate.

(HIP-HOP PLAYS)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Oh my God.

♪♪♪

Hey, hey, gimme that!

Who let you in?

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Alice!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Sleepover my ass! I bet
you weren't even at Brenna's house!

Pfft. No, Brenna's a narc.

Okay, alright just can you
stop for a second please?

Alice, why? Okay.

Why, why would you do this, why?

Because she humiliated
me on the internet.

Me? I will show you humiliation.

I... I'm gonna shave your head.

No, you know what,
you're gonna eat cold food for a week.

- Oh yeah, and then what?
- Excuse me?

What are you gonna make me
do next, Anne?

- Do not first name me.
- Jazzercise?

- Line dancing?
- That's it, you're grounded.

Whatever,
at least I'll be able to sleep.

Okay, okay, okay.

- What the fuck?
- Did you see that?

It's not working,
the punishment is not working,

she's like a dead-eyed shark.

Aren't you writing a book on this?

- Yes, but... am I full of shit?
- No.

I think I'm full of shit.

- Hey Warden, I'm done.
- Fire her.

- What?
- Do it, she'll listen to you.

I can't... alright.

Alice, you're fired.

Cool story.

- (MOB CLANKS ON THE FLOOR)
- (GASPS)

Ahh! You my friend are fucked.

That's not helpful.

♪♪♪

Bianca, why aren't you dressed?

We're gonna be late for the baptism.

- Babe, Bianca, helloo?
- I found him.

- Who?
- The donor dad, Sean,

- I got his name from the clinic.
- Wow.

He's willing to be contacted.

So you're gonna go out for coffee?

- To see if he's ugly too?
- (BABY FUSSES)

Yeah, he's got some stuff
going on facially,

but you know, he, he's a baby,

he just blew through the birth canal,

he is totally gonna grow out of it.

- Did that happen to Rhoda?
- Oh no, she was gorgeous.

- Oh God.
- Hey, hey, hey,

there are millions of ugly white kids

and they run the government.

The only way you're gonna know
is if you give him a call.

No I can't, no.

I don't wanna know.

I want there to be hope.

I'm gonna get dressed.

Good call,

I'm dying to meet the
dude that banged me.

- He didn't bang you.
- Uh, you know what I mean,

like inside Bianca.

I gotta know why Solomon's
face is so busted.

Maybe it's your genes,

you got a messed up
grandpa or something?

How dare you insult my pop-pops.

You know, he fought in a bunch of wars.

Why aren't you wearing pants?

You promised me you'd
be like 20% less weird

if we let you live here.

- Yo, I'm like 50% less weird.
- Mmm.

Okay, this is my own house,
I let it all hang out,

I'm talking clam, milk bags,
chocolate starfish...

Pants now!

(FRUSTRATED EXHALE)

(SIGHS)

Hmm.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(PLATE CLINKS)

You're actually gonna make me cold food?

Did you think I was joking?

This is just, it's not working.

Yeah, no kidding, genius.

Could you just drop the
tough guy act for a second?

Where did you even find those kids?

Where do you think?

Oboe class, swim team, detective camp.

(SCOFFS)

Look, I want you to have a good life

and I know that there
is a genius little girl

under all this terrible behavior.

Oh blah, blah, blah.

Okay, then you're coming
to work with me.

- Dad no, I'm so tired.
- Not my problem,

get in the car.

It's time you learn some responsibility.

- Thank you.
- (DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

It's okay, I will take care of that one,

you just focus on your book.

No one's gonna buy my book.

- I sold your book.
- You sold it, like...

- Mhmm.
- like to a publisher?

Ha, ha! I know,

I wasn't sure it was gonna
happen but it turns out

there's a hot market for books

about dropping the hammer on your kids

and you're the hammer, baby,
with the proven method.

Mmm, you know the thing about proof,

- it's really hard to nail down.
- And I secured you an advance

so you can actually write this thing.

12 weeks to come up with
the first six chapters,

looks like you're writing a book.

- Who'd have thunk?
- Mmm.

So listen, Craig, I, I just have a, a,

a small problem
for tonight's event, uh...

Is there a chance
I could get some more beer?

I gave you the only
branded cans we have.

Okay, it's just um, I know,

uh, but uh...

you know, that's just it,

(PHONE RINGS IN THE OFFICE)

that's the problem,

the, uh the,
the marijuana leaf on the can,

you know the, the kind of clientele

that Aprés wants to attract,

- they want discretion.
- Okay, so tell me, Kate,

how are we gonna solve that
problem before tonight?

Uh, I can get
some very elegant pint glasses,

if you could provide a few kegs

we could throw a very classy soirée.

Yes okay, okay,
I'll have them ready for pick up.

Uh, uh great,
thank you so much, bye-bye.

(CLICKS CALL OFF)

- Was that Craig on the phone?
- What? No.

(SNIFFS) Smell that?

What is that,
it smells like melon vape juice.

Oh, it's probably um...

my new deodorant,

it's what it is, yeah.

- I know about the party.
- Please don't tell Craig.

Oh come on, Kate, we're partners,

what could I possibly have
to gain by telling Craig

how truly unprofessional you are?

By the way, this is totally
inappropriate for the workplace.

Obviously I'm gonna
change before the event.

I hope so, you look like shit.

You look like shit.

So, thank you all for coming.

I know the church part
was a bit of a bore.

A lot of hubbub just to splash water.

Yeah, and what's the point
if you can't wash off

- that goblin's beak.
- He looks like Mickey Rourke.

- I'm sorry what?
- Mmm?

Anyway, uh please
why don't you all enjoy

the world's most delicious mini quiches.

Did you see the Reverend?

He could hardly look Saul in the face.

Okay, enough of this.

We should just meet the donor
and demystify this whole thing.

No I can't do that.

What if I already did?

- What? When?
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi, are you Bianca?

I'm Sean.

I'm not usually into balls but...

(EXHALES) you are pretty.

Okay.

So Rhoda is with us
for part of the week,

and then she's with my ex, Giselle for,

for the rest of the week.
Wanna go see mommy? Yeah.

Giselle, here she comes.

And that's the story
of our crazy family.

That's very progressive.

I know right,
welcome to the family, man.

Well, he's not really
a part of the family.

I mean no offense,
it's just we hardly know you.

- It's cool.
- You know...

I'm sorry, it's just this is
a bit of a surprise to me.

Yeah, surprise to me too,

I thought you were gonna be real fugly

'cause Solomon's maybe a three,

four with a tit in his mouth.

Don't you have like five
quiches to eat somewhere else?

Okay, I thought you wanted
me to keep my pants on.

(BIG EXHALE)

Yeah, I think I'm gonna get going.

Oh no, no, no, are, are,
are you sure, just um,

Don't you wanna ask him something?

- No.
- Well, what is it?

Bianca was just wondering
if you were facially

- symmetrical as a baby.
- Ah Frankie.

No, no I was not.

I mean, I actually looked like
a Picasso when I was born.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So uh Solomon...

Oh yeah, looks just like I did.

- Ah!
- I mean I didn't even iron out

- until I was like 15.
- 15!

- Yeah, okay.
- It's great.

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh just thought you could use some help.

Well, thank you.

Yeah, plus I don't wanna work in a dump.

Ugh. Me neither.

God, it doesn't matter what I do,

I can't seem to get
rid that goddamn smell.

Why is there sandwiches
in the photocopier?

Well, looks like uh somebody
tried to make a Panini press.

It would never get hot enough.

Well, there's no way you
could tell until you tried it.

- There absolutely is.
- Oh my God-oh my God-oh my God!

Did you guys see, Tru Air,
it's a total wreck.

- What?
- Did a plane go down?

Worse.

_

Oh man.

Well, this is very unfortunate.

I know, why couldn't she just
wait until the drink cart

cleared the aisle to change her kid.

Yeah, I mean we have changing
stations in the bathroom.

You ever try using
one of those stations, Aiden,

it's nearly impossible.

This whole thing is disgusting.

I mean, you pay for a seat on a flight

and then next thing you know...

You're eating your lunch
next to an open diaper.

Well, guys, this does sound
like it was an emergency.

Yeah, it caused an emergency.

A fight broke out between
this mom and her seatmate,

we had to de-board everyone.

The passengers were furious, here...

look.

I had feces just inches from me.

I mean, can you imagine,

if we'd hit an air pocket or something,

it would have been all
over my lap and my laptop.

I want my flight to be a flight,
not a public bathroom.

- Nothing actually got on her.
- Yeah, it doesn't matter,

this mom's tweeting out that
no one should fly Tru Air

because we were intolerant
for removing her.

We've had 500 cancellations today,

people are calling us poo poo air,
it's not cute.

Okay, you guys gotta fight back.

If you pander to this mother
than your brand is at stake.

Well,
if you don't handle this delicately

you risk alienating half
of your clientele, parents.

Tru Air isn't for parents.

Tru Air is for business professionals.

Well, this doesn't make Tru
Air look very professional.

Yeah um, speaking of, Kate uh...

- is everything okay?
- Huh?

Like is something happening at home, or?

Oh no it's, uh it's uh
casual day at the office, so.

Anyway, you need a tagline
that speaks to the type

of clients that you want to attract.

- Okay.
- Like um...

no more crappy flights.

You couldn't possibly think that that...

Yeah, yeah, but wait,
that's kinda like what we were saying.

But not actually saying it.

Uh, except you would be saying it, so.

You need to protect your brand.

I really think we should
slow down and reconsider.

And, and if you really
wanna get serious,

maybe just take the baby
changing stations out altogether

or maybe the only baby-friendly
flight is the one at 6:00 A.M.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

Would that actually work?

No, I do not believe it would.

Yeah, but it might.

Why don't you let us
mull this over and uh...

we'll circle back.

- We'll be in touch.
- Yeah.

Um...

(SMUG EXHALE)

♪♪♪

You can't honestly say you'd
let the mother of your child

- be treated like that.
- Oh I'm sorry,

isn't that how a father
would deal with things?

- This is business, Kate.
- It is not good business

and it's not the way I run my business.

Yeah, well maybe
you should leave Tru Air to me

because they liked my idea.

Your idea is a knee-jerk
reaction pile of garbage

that will blow up in our faces,
now fix this.

- I gotta go change.
- Yeah, finally.

Good luck with Après tonight.

♪♪♪

There, done.

Oh, great job, Honey.

That there is productivity,

and productivity is how
you become an asset.

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, what's up Shiels?

Hey, I need you
to approve the assessment

- on the Yard account.
- My pleasure.

See, I have made myself
indispensable to this company,

- they need me.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh uh, Mr. Hall, hi.

This is my daughter, Alice,

Alice this is my boss, Mr. Hall.

She's just here today learning
from the school of life.

Oh I wasn't expecting...

Uh, you know what, we can talk later.

Oh not at all, please come in,

anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of her.

Uh, that may be the case
but I don't think that...

Not at all, she's a fly on the wall,
just ignore her.

Why don't we come to my office.

- What's wrong with this one?
- I may get in trouble with HR.

Okay Gareth, you're uh,
making me look bad.

Lionel, we're letting you go.

Letting me go where?

Do I need to make this more clear?

I'm sorry, what is happening here?

Dad, I think
what he's trying to say is...

Alice, if you don't mind
I am trying to have

a grown-up conversation with my boss.

This is too painful,
Lionel you're fired.

- What?
- It's nothing personal.

We integrated an algorithm that
does your job cheaper than you.

But I'm indispensable.

Yeah.

♪♪♪

- Hey man, thanks so much for coming.
- Yeah.

Thank you for reaching out,
I had a great time.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
hey where are you off to?

Oh well I was just heading home.

Oh really, I was just about
to open a bottle of wine.

- You wanna stay for a glass?
- Okay, sure.

Great.

Well wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh uh here, why don't you get started.

Okie dokie.

Are we going out for sush?

Uh right,
it's just that I didn't really get

a lot of one on one
time with Sean and...

Are you bailing?
The babysitter's on her way over.

We could cancel and still pay her

and then order in for three.

Please Frank.

- Okay fine, yeah.
- Thank you.

He is so handsome. (EXCITED EXHALE)

♪♪♪

A professor and an artist, (LAUGHS)

wow, those are some Bohemian parents.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

That explains the ponytail.

You know,
but I try not to let their success

dictate my life, you know.

That is so evolved of you.

Oh come on.

Hey Frankie,
you wanna pour Sean another glass?

- Oh I, I couldn't.
- Yeah, yeah he's,

- he's gotta drive home.
- Oh come on, you guys,

live a little. We'll get you an Uber.

- Alright.
- Ooh, oh.

Come on. So tell me...

what is your mom's artwork like?

Actually, she's having a
show at a gallery downtown,

- you wanna go?
- We'd love to.

- Uh, right Frank?
- Mhmm.

(COMPUTER KEYS CLACK)

You'll never guess what
happened to me today.

My agent got me advance
on this shitty book idea,

I don't think I can take it though,

this book's bullshit.

I lost my job.

Are you joking?

Goddamnit, now I have
to write this stupid book.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, are you um,

are you okay?

I'm obsolete,

so if you know anyone looking
to hire an old useless

piece of human crap,

Lionel's their guy.

Hey, you are not useless, okay?

You, you'll just,
you'll reach out to your network.

I did, no one's hiring

because it's a stupid specific job.

Well you, you got a severance, right?

Not as much as I hoped for.

Well, you'll just keeping
looking then, it's fine.

Hey,

what if I don't wanna keep looking?

What does that mean?

Well, what if this is my
opportunity to find my passion

just like you found yours?

Lionel, I know that you are

probably very upset and angry,

but we cannot raise two
kids on passion projects.

We could try.

I don't-I don't even know
what this book is about,

what if the whole thing falls through.

That advance that she gave me

is not gonna cover both of our salaries.

- I know, I know, I know.
- (DOOR SHUTS)

So then what are you
talking about we could try.

What if this is a sign
from the universe.

- Don't you universe me.
- Could you keep your voice down?

No, you keep...

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER, MUSIC PLAYS)

♪♪♪

Perfect.

What? What is it?

What the...?

Oh no you didn't.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

Oh man, ah...

- Hey, can I call you back?
- Hi mommy,

a certain someone woke up

and he wants to hear
his favorite lullaby.

(SINGS TO "TWINKLE,
TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR")

♪ Um, This isn't a very good time ♪

♪ Those aren't the words
that doesn't even rhyme ♪

♪ I swear to God if you quote the OT ♪

♪ Hey, I'm doing this for us,
it isn't just me ♪

♪ Baa, baa,
black sheep have you any wool ♪

♪ Yes sir, yes sir ♪

♪ Three bags full ♪

Kate, are you there?