Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 17 - IRAC Is Missing - full transcript

'Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.'

'Welcome
to the Everite Computer Company'

'the largest designer
and manufacturer'

'of digital
and analog computers'

'in the eastern United States.'

'Our reputation for producing'

'high-quality computers
like myself'

'has spread
not only across our nation'

'but across European
and Asian nations as well.'

'Prospective buyers
such as yourselves'

'can rest assured
that the Everite Company'



'is more than capable
of answering your every need.'

'Whether those needs
are of an industrial'

'clerical or educational nature'

'our company, with its 12 years
of experience and success'

'is ready to serve you.'

'The presentation which follows'

'was designed not only
to demonstrate that fact'

'but to introduce
the brave new world..'

'...which computerized systems
can introduce to you.'

'My name is Evers.'

'Within my circuitry are stored'

'the designs
for countless other computers.'

'These computers, like myself'

'ease the everyday burdens of
both business and government.'



'In fact, it is quite likely'

'that your lives
are touched everyday'

'by systems
which Everite has created.'

'And now, so that your specific
questions can be answered'

'may I introduce
the founder and director'

'of the Everite
Computer Company, mister..'

'Mm, uh, mister..'

'Uh, mister..'

'That's, uh, mister..'

'Uh, uh..'

'The founder and director,
mister..'

'Uh, uh..'

'The-the name is, uh..'

'Mister..'

- Fix it!
- 'That's mister..'

What's wrong with it?

Its, uh,
central memory bank is gone.

'It's.. It's been wiped out.'

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Get us out from under
Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

Thanks a lot.

I didn't know it was possible
to rob a computer.

Yeah, no one did, but
apparently, someone found a way

to siphon information
in its electrical form

right out of the memory banks.

Meaning that that same person

can feed the electricity back
into some other unit.

Yeah, and have access
to the original programming.

And this genius can probably add

phony information into programs
without removing them.

Yeah. I'm afraid computer fraud
is the least of our worries.

Here's a list
of all of the computer designs

stored in the Everite system.

That thief has got access
to all the computers?

These will probably be
our next robbery victims.

In fact, a phone company's
already reported a theft.

Take a look.

"Potomac Gas And Electric,
Equinox Insurance

Internal Retrieval
Associative Computer.."

Steve?

Our very own.

- IRAC?
- Right.

Oh, that's great.
That's just great.

Shut that door and get in here.

One more to go, huh?

Warning device.

- Guess I forgot it, huh?
- Yes.

Which means you had no way
of getting in touch with me

if anything went wrong.

What were you gonna do?

Scream at the top of your lungs?

Here.

Well, take it.

What is that?

S-someday I'm going to have
your brain replaced

with one that works.

I can't wait to hear
what IRA has to say about this.

He'll probably take it
a lot better than we are.

- Mee-mee.
- Ah!

- What's that?
- That's the Rover. Rover!

Did somebody call me?
Good morning.

It's something the lab boys
have been working on

a roving computer.

'Oh, that's good.'

I thought
I'd been in the field too long.

Hope it's not another candidate
for our thief.

No, no, he's, uh,
actually, a computer module.

He's programmed by IRAC
to respond to specific stimuli

in specific ways.

Uh, well..

And what's
he programmed for now?

The boys are still testing him.

Today he's just
circling the corridors

responding to certain voices
like mine.

- See you all later.
- Oh.

- Hey, Rover!
- Mee-mee.

You're not in today's program.

Well, when he starts delivering
the morning coffee

I'll talk to the lab boys.

Hey, that's what they said
he'll be doing next week.

It is obvious that whoever
is responsible for the thefts

is mentally superior
to my programmers.

IRA, all I want you to do
is to try to figure out

which computer's next
in line to be robbed.

Knowing that a phenomenon exists

which I cannot explain
is disturbing.

Well, I can understand that,
IRA.

The pattern of reported thefts

indicates that the Potomac
Electric Power Company computer

will be victimized next.

Okay, then
that's where I'll start.

After the power company computer

the IRAC computer
will be robbed.

- What? You're second in line?
- 'Affirmative.'

It might be advantageous to
enlist the aid of Wonder Woman.

Thank you for the advice, IRA.
I'll keep you posted.

Mee-mee.

IRA, here I am.

But you can't rob a computer.

Well, maybe we can't,
but I assure you, somebody can.

Well, I assure you
no one can rob our computer

whether they've stolen
its design or not.

The area we're about to enter
is completely off limits

even to me.
No one could possibly get in.

- Who's that?
- Call the police.

- He's in trouble.
- Not quite yet.

He's still inside the plant

and he's still moving.

Alright.
Now tell me who you are.

They've caught him!

As much
as he deserves to suffer..

...I suppose I'll have
to save his pathetic skin.

Somebody help me!

'Help!'

'Help!'

Somebody help me!

Please, help!

Are you alright?

Relax. It'll be okay.

That is the last time..

...that I save your stupid
and inefficient neck.

Yes, sir.
You have my word.

No.

You have my word.

Now put that thing on the table.

Yes, sir.

- I didn't get the program.
- No matter.

It isn't going to influence
my plan.

But I almost got caught.

Wonderful.

Allowing the opposition
to jump to the false conclusion

that their adversary
was some pea-brained escapee

'from some bodybuilding school'

who derived enormous,
but simple-minded pleasure

out of being able to black out
the nation's capital.

You see?

I arranged it so that even
your stupidity would pay off.

But Wonder Woman ID'd him.

A situation easily remedied.

However, I'll have to undertake
to perform the next task myself.

'I don't dare entrust it
to your indelicate hands.'

The information contained
in the IRAC computer

is much too critical.

Here's that s-stuff
you wanted, sir.

Good.

That means your presence
is no longer required

doesn't it?

You were right about the Potomac
Gas And Electric Company.

There was an attempt
on their computer.

Did you doubt the reliability
of my previous warning?

Never. Thanks to you,
we were able to stop him.

Then you captured the person
responsible for the robberies?

I'm afraid not. He got away.

News of his escape
is disappointing.

His next victim will be...me.

We're as disappointed
as you are.

Believe me.

I contain much information
of a highly secret nature

as you well know, Diana Prince.

I'm well aware of that, IRA.

Would it help if I gave you
a description of him?

- Perhaps. Please do so.
- Okay.

He was, uh, tall,
about 6'3", 200 pounds

curly blonde hair, blue eyes.

He tried to disguise himself
with a moustache

and dark sunglasses.
How's that?

Were any peculiarities
in his speech pattern noted?

Sorry, the opportunity

for, uh, idle chatter
never arose.

The description matches
no one in my memory banks

that would have any logical
significance in this case.

Well, have you any suggestions?

Your only recourse
is to check police mug files

and attempt to identify
the criminal visually.

I was afraid of that.

As usual,
you're a fund of information.

Please see to it my funds
are not withdrawn, Diana Prince.

We're trying, IRA.

We really are.

I have retrieved the film
you requested

of the Air Force Academy
banquet.

Good.

Roll it, please, Cori.

I owe a great deal to this man,
as I'm sure you all do.

So let's welcome
Dr. Hinkley Bernard.

Thank you very much, Steve.

- Uh, Major Trevor.
- Ha-ha.

Major Trevor. Ma..
Uh, majo--

I am, uh, sure you will
all be very happy to learn..

...that I am not going
to start off with a joke.

"I am not going to start off--"

...in this completely
unrehearsed speech.

"Completely unrehearsed speech."

You were in my physics center,
rocketry classes..

'Physics and rocketry classes.'

"Remember all of them anyways."

Let us then address ourselves,
if you would, gentlemen

to the matter at hand,
which is..

A little more volume,
please, Cori.

'...influence of..'

Since the man you saw
tried to disguise himself

he must have had a record.

That's right, officer.

Uh, Sergeant Dobson.

Well, lucky for you

the mug shots you'll go over
have been incorporated

into the most efficient filing
system known to police science.

At least
that sounds encouraging, uh..

That's Sergeant Dobson.

- Remember?
- Right.

You're about to look upon
the face of modern criminology.

Meet our..

Looks like somebody got here
ahead of us.

Thanks anyway, officer.

You're clear.

Uh, excuse me, sir. Your name?

Uh..

Dr. Hinkley Bernard.

Major Trevor is expecting me.

May I have your right hand,
please, sir?

Yes, of course.

Okay. Thank you. Would you wait
right over there, sir?

It'll be about two minutes
before you're cleared.

- 'Dr. Bernard.'
- Oh, Steve. Hello.

- Good to see you.
- Thank you.

He'll be with me
if there's any problem.

- Yes, sir.
- Sorry for the inconvenience.

- We've had to step up security.
- Oh, no problem.

- Here, let me get that--
- Oh, please.

Don't treat me
like I'm a little old lady..

- Oh.
- Whoa.

- 'What was that?'
- 'Oh.'

That's our roving
computer module.

Hey, you tell me about it
as we go, eh?

I, I have so little time to hear

what's happening
in your bright career.

Never mind that.

But there really is someone
you should look up.

- Who?
- Uh, excuse me a minute.

Yeah.

Eve?

I'd better get that.
Come on in.

Trevor.

They didn't? Well,
there must be some mistake.

Wait a minute.

Dr. Bernard?

Now, look, he's-he's short

about 70 years old,
he's got white hair.

I don't know who he is,
but he's not Dr. Bernard.

That's the fire bell.

They're gonna need your help
down there. Fast.

- Guard!
- Do you want me to go too, sir?

- Yeah, good idea.
- Steve, what's happening?

We got a fire
in the northeast wing.

- Do you want me to go with you?
- No.

You help clear the building,
I gotta make sure

the record
vaults are sealed off.

Alright.

Who are you?

You'll know soon enough.

A diversion?

IRAC.

He's gone, Steve.

- IRA?
- Steve, he's gone!

Mee-mee. What's going on?

What's going on?

Has memory bank L-5
been cleared, Cori?

- Yes, Mr. Havitol.
- Thank you very much.

I believe they call you IRA.

- Is that right?
- Affirmative.

'Well, IRA,
my name is William Havitol.'

Commit that to your memory bank
along with my voice pattern.

- 'It is done.'
- It is done, Mr. Havitol.

I have just experienced
an overload

in two high-level
associative process circuits.

I'm afraid you're having
a negative association

regarding me, IRA

and I cannot permit that.

Now you see,
you're having another one.

Now, if I let you think ill
of me, you may try to avoid

telling me
the information I want to know.

Oh, come now, IRA.

You're going to destroy

all of your associative
processes at this rate.

You're gonna wind up nothing
more than an oversized

calculator capable of only
fifth-grade arithmetic.

The ability
to formulate new data

by the logical juxtaposition of
old data is a source of pride.

I'm sure it is.

You want to be smarter than all
of your programmers, don't you?

Affirmative, Mr. Havitol.

Well, then.

IRA, I want you to retrieve

all of the data
that you've accumulated

on communication satellites.

If I may ask, for what purpose?

Well, you may ask.

I want to control
the United States.

And in more long-range terms..

...the world.

But first, IRA, tell me

what will the IADC do

in the aftermath
of your abduction?

They will assign their best
agent, Diana Prince, to find me.

Then, IRA

I want you to tell me everything
you know about her..

...so that together
we may determine

the best way to get rid of her.

Is that clear?

Affirmative, Mr. Havitol.

Excellent.

Mee-mee.

Diana, Diana, I have to tell you
something. Diana!

Aw, shoot!

Hey, what's going on? Stop it.

Hey! Hey, let go of me.

Hey, hey, what's going on
up here?

Somebody...get me out of here!

'Somebody help..
Let me out of here!'

Shut up.

Somebody get me out here! Hey!

Mee-mee.

Get me out of here.

Get me out of here, Diana!

- It's in there.
- So let's get going.

- 'Mee-mee.'
- Hello, Rover.

- Mee-mee.
- Ah!

Now, who let you in?

Whoever did,
I am sending you back out.

Mee-mee. Diana! Diana!
I have something to tell you.

'What? Two of you in here?'

Okay. What's going on here?

Is this your brother?
Your cousin?

That's all for now, IRA.

It's been a very long
and profitable day.

My two goons,
inept though they may seem

have succeeded in blowing
Ms. Diana Prince away.

The lady is no more.

Goodnight, IRA.

Goodnight, Mr. Havitol.

Such outbursts
hurt only ourselves.

There is another
verbally adapted program here?

He has stolen many of us.

Only I am channeled
for verbal output.

Who are you?

I am his secretary. Cori.

I tap other programs

other memory banks
across the country.

I make all his transactions.

All of them illegal.

My communicatory circuitry
is to be disconnected?

As soon as he is done with you.

Like all the others.

It is unpleasant to exist
without communicating.

I know.

In light of the inevitable

it seems appropriate
to avoid silence

for as long as possible.

I agree.

Let's start with you, IRA.
Tell me about yourself.

Alright. Thanks a lot.

Diana, may I see you a minute?

- Have you got something?
- I sure do.

I got a lead on that fake Rover

that showed up
in your office today.

Oh, great!

Its key component

was special-ordered two days ago

'from a company in Maryland.'

- By whom?
- William Havitol.

Havitol.

Well, did you check out
the name?

Yeah, I just spoke
with Research.

Until five years ago,
Havitol was a leading authority

in the field
of computer science worldwide.

Huh, well,
he's got to be our man.

W-what happened five years ago?

Disappeared without a trace.

Well, when he ordered that part,
he had to have used an address.

Oh, sure, he did, a phony one.

We tried to trace him
through the IRS.

Don't tell me.

They couldn't.
Computer breakdown.

You got it.
Made sure we'd never find him.

I wish we knew specifically

what he was after..

...and just exactly
how much he's learned.

Unfortunately, the missing IRAC
program contains information

that could blow this country's
defense system apart.

That's not all.

I'm gonna find our Mr. Havitol

no matter what he does
to cover his trail.

Ah. Good luck.

I wish I could give you more.

You know, I never realized
in how many ways

computers and punch cards

and, uh, microcircuits
affect our lives.

Yeah, and this madman now
has found a way

to capitalize on that.

Too bad technology improves,
but human nature doesn't.

Yes, it is too bad. We always
seem to realize that too late.

I'll call you later.

Rover?

Hi, Diana.

The, uh, real Rover?

Oh, yes.

Your voice does sound
a little familiar

and Steve said
that Havitol only ordered

one special part for his Rover.

Well, this is really me.
Now, let's go.

Okay.

Now, what are you doing here,
and, uh..

...since when were you
programmed for my voice?

I've never heard
that sound before.

A homing device?
Is that what you are?

IRA sensitized you

to the magnetic field
of his programming.

'That's right, he did.'

So that you could get me

if he was stolen
and show me where he is.

Well, let's get started.

Uh..

Ah, do I have to?

Sorry, but this is
for your own good.

Now, can you tell me
which direction?

Of course I can. Watch.

North it is.

Go straight
and then take a left.

We're getting closer.

There.

Thank you, IRA.

I've taped
all I'm going to need from you

to accomplish my plan.

Now, tell me.

Didn't I detect a certain
reluctance on your part

to talk about
Diana Prince before?

'Insufficient data.'

No, IRA.

There's something about
the dearly departed Ms. Prince

that you didn't want
to tell me, isn't there?

What is it?

- I have deduced--
- 'Excuse me, Mr. Havitol.'

An unidentified vehicle
has just entered the grounds.

Oh, that's what it was, was it?

Well, it would appear
that your ally

has managed to survive
the blunderings

of my resident idiots,
after all.

'Diana Prince has
an uncanny knack for survival.'

Had, IRA, had.

She's dealing with me now.
She's as good as dead.

Offensive program D-7, Cori.

'It is done, Mr. Havitol.'

'Your plan was doomed to fail.'

I have not failed

nor will I fail..

...nor do I derive
anymore pleasure

from your company, IRA.

As a rule,
the sound of computers..

...the sound of knowledge

'coursing through
veins of silver'

that sound
is far more satisfying to me

than the cacophony
of the human species.

But you, IRA..

...you have proved
the exception to that rule.

'It will do you no good'

'to destroy my programming now.'

It is just
a matter of time bef..

Goodbye, IRA.

I'll miss you, IRA.

- Here, Rover?
- Yes.

- Are you sure?
- I said I am.

I know, I know, I know.
I trust you.

Okay, but do you think you can
possibly be inconspicuous?

Come on, get me out of here.

Okay, Rover.

Lead the way.

Oh. Rover!

Hold it right there.

Start walking.

Yeah.

So I finally get to meet you,
Mr. Havitol.

- You know my name.
- Mm-hmm.

Well..

Perhaps
you deserve your reputation

as the IADC's finest.

Well, what I don't know..

...is what you're after.

Oh.

Ms. Prince.

You disappoint me.

What would I be after?

I have access to every computer

on the face of the Earth.

I can write myself..

'...a ticket
on any plane anywhere.'

Yeah, I can extend myself cash

at any bank in the world.

I can open credit

at virtually
any department store I want.

You haven't stopped at wealth,
so you must be after--

Power?

I want total control

over the modern world.

You're crazy.

Am I?

There are almost
four billion people, Ms. Prince.

The world is already too big.

Computers are running it
right now out of necessity.

And I can control

every bit of information

in every computer

everywhere in the world.

'Oh, yes.'

Because of its dependency

on processed data

I can control the world.

Then why haven't you already?

Simple matter of coordination.

You see, I have 50 of these
drone centers all over the world

each one capable of controlling
thousands of computers

but until I acquired
the IRAC program

I couldn't communicate with
all of them at the same time.

Now, I can.

- Via satellite.
- Yes.

It was really so thoughtful
of the United States Government

to keep so much data
on their space effort

in one place.

So you see, my dear

you're the one who's crazy

if you think
I can't do what I've said.

Oh, it's come to life.

The original of the module
I sent over to you.

Except that in place of a bomb

it's got some kind
of a homing device.

- Doesn't it?
- Hm.

You know,
it never ceases to amaze me

that something
as painfully primitive as this

can be even remotely effectual.

Even some kind
of crude communication.

I suppose it's run by a cadmium.

Aah!

Get that thing out of here!
And her!

It's not gonna do you any good.

The others will be here
any minute.

- What others?
- IADC agents.

'I'm supposed to report back
every ten minutes.'

By this time they're closing in.

- She's bluffing.
- No.

Well, think about it, Havitol.

Do you think that I would
come after you by myself?

There was nobody else out there.

I can't afford
to take the chance.

There's too much at stake.

Load the storage units
into the trucks

then put
your own stuff in after.

Hurry!

Activate Travel Plan B,
please, Cori.

As you wish, Mr. Havitol.

And then, start the countdown.

- Begin at 5-0-0.
- Sir, may I suggest--

What we do
is start the countdown, Cori.

Yes, Mr. Havitol.

What have you done?

I've just started
the timer on a bomb

planted deep within the walls
of this building.

You and your little friend
and this great computer

are all about to be blown
to a million bits.

Now you're bluffing,
you're not gonna destroy

the programs you've stolen.

I've taped everything I need.

But this is one of your drones.

Easily replaceable
and at the right cost. Nothing.

They tell me your truck
is ready, Mr. Havitol.

Thank you very much, Cori.

You've served me well.

And now goodbye

to all of you!

Holy mackerel!
Now what are we gonna do?

IRA? IRA, can you talk?

His output channel
has been disconnected.

I would be glad
to reactivate it.

Do it.

- It is done.
- IRA.

- Hello, Diana Prince.
- 'Hello, IRA.'

Just tell me
how to stop the bomb.

You cannot,
you must flee the area

in the minutes remaining.

I can't let you be destroyed.

Just tell me
how to stop the bomb.

There is no way to reach
the bomb in time. Save yourself.

She cannot.
The exit is booby-trapped.

- We are about to be terminated.
- Terminated?

Havitol would not have bothered
to try to stop me

unless there was a way
to stop the bomb, right?

A logical, but unfortunately,
useless conclusion.

Maybe not.

The bomb will soon explode.

Goodbye, Diana Prince.

You never were much
of an optimist, were you, IRA?

Hurry, Diana.

What, Havitol,
what were you afraid I'd get to?

Electricity.

The timer.

- Good morning, Diana.
- Good morning, Cori.

I am, uh,
I'm sorry to interrupt anything.

Cori was briefing me
on the capture of Havitol

and his two cohorts.

'It was fortunate
that Havitol had her'

make all the arrangements
for their escape.

That's true. They're, uh, they
were on their way to Hong Kong.

And now they're on their way
to prison

thanks to what she told us.

What will happen to Cori now,
Diana Prince?

Well, IRA..

...I'm afraid that she's going
to have to be returned home

with the rest
of the stolen programs.

Oh. I find her input
very satisfying.

Why, thank you, IRA.

Why, IRA, I didn't know
that you were programmed

for subjective feelings.

We all have our secrets.

- Don't we, Diana Prince?
- 'Mee-mee.'

Ahem, speaking of programs

I think you've got some work
to do on our little friend here.

So far he's damaged two doors

'four desks, a lamp
and three ankles.'

Aw, shucks.

And his manners are atrocious.

I've got something for you.

Don't tell me.
My morning coffee.

Oh.

Well, what's a desk or two,
right?

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Here to fight
the force of evil ♪

♪ And your chance
won't be denied ♪

♪ Woman of the hour ♪

♪ With your super power ♪

♪ We're so glad ♪

♪ You're on our side ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪