Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 1, Episode 4 - Beauty on Parade - full transcript
Diana goes undercover at a beauty pageant to try to uncover a suspected spy operation behind the facade.
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All the world
is waiting for you ♪
♪ And the power you possess ♪
♪ In your satin tights ♪
♪ Fighting for your rights ♪
♪ And the old Red
White and Blue ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Now the world
is ready for you ♪
♪ And the wonders you can do ♪
♪ Make a hawk a dove ♪
♪ Stop a war with love ♪
♪ Make a liar tell the truth ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Get us out from under ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All our hopes
are pinned upon you ♪
♪ And the magic that you do ♪
♪ Stop a bullet cold and ♪
♪ Make the axis fold ♪
♪ Change their minds ♪
♪ And change the world ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪
Stop right there.
Security area.
Q clearance to go by.
Proceed.
Fort Russell
is supposed to be
one of our most
secured posts.
But they still managed
to get in some way.
We were lucky this time,
no one was killed.
Just some damage
to this tunnel here.
But whoever it was still knew
just when we'd be transporting
'those radar
scanner components.'
Q security's the tightest
we have.
Yet they still seem to know
just where to hit us.
An unexplained fire
at Fort Hughes
the gas main explosion at
Camp Mackenzie
now this bombing.
'All links in
what we thought'
'was a top secret
assembly chain.'
Perhaps if we changed
the assembly schedule..
No, it's too late
for that.
The scanner's being
assembled right here
at Fort Russell
at three separate locations.
If the enemy's gonna destroy it,
they'll have to strike
before final assembly
tomorrow night.
Steve, I know that doesn't
give you much time
but you have to do it.
You have to make sure
that entire base
is 100% secure.
I'll take care
of it, sir.
Sir.
I still don't know
how they got through.
Security is my business,
Major Trevor
and you better believe
I am good at it.
Fort Russell's spread over
more than a 100 square miles
and nobody crosses
one inch of its perimeter
without my knowing
about it.
Except for this time.
A mistake's been made,
Colonel Flint.
You're gonna have
to admit it.
A faulty alarm system,
a sleepy guard--
Negative.
Every link
in our security chain
was and is solid.
That saboteur had
to be a magician
to get onto these
grounds undetected.
Well, he might have been
inside all along.
There are 15,000 men
stationed here.
It's possible an enemy agent
could lose himself in the crowd
wait for his chance
to strike.
I've had all personnel
very carefully screened.
There's not a person
on this base
who hasn't been cleared
for military purposes.
Does that
include them, colonel?
They don't look
very military to me.
Yeoman Prince
is a 100% right.
What are they doing at
a top-security installation?
They're boosting
morale, major.
The girls are all finalists
in the Miss GI
Dream Girl Beauty Contest.
Well, they're
certainly beautiful.
'Yes, it's gonna be tough
picking the winner.'
'The finals are here tomorrow
at the Officers' Club.'
That's the best place
to hold it.
Officers and enlisted men,
all are invited.
- Holy cow!
- Here they are, boys!
All the little cuties,
they're here for you.
Now, you can look at 'em,
but don't touch 'em.
- That's Jack Wood.
- Who?
Only America's
favorite radio comic.
He's doing his show
here tomorrow.
Emceeing the beauty
contest finals
on a coast
to coast broadcast.
Listen, if you guys still think
that you're fighting for mom's
apple pie, see the chaplain.
He's always--
He's always lookin'
for miracles.
'Come on,
you still enjoyed it..'
They're all here for you, guys.
What do you think?
Alright, that's enough,
girls. Come on.
It's rehearsal time.
Let's go, girls.
See you later, boys!
Don't worry about it.
They-they're all
waiting for you.
Do you think it's wise,
colonel, giving, uh
civilians a run
of the base?
Jack Wood isn't
just a civilian!
He's an institution!
Like Bob Hope
or Babe Ruth.
'Besides, his itinerary's
been cleared by Washington.'
Last week he ran a preliminary
contest at Fort Hughes
'four days after that, he did
the same at Camp Mackenzie'
and now he's here
for the finals.
And believe me,
we're glad to have him.
First Fort Hughes,
then Camp Mackenzie
and now Fort..
I presume, colonel,
that you've, uh..
prepared dossiers on Mr. Wood
and his troupe.
I'd like to see them,
if I may.
Yes, of course,
I'll get them ready for you.
Fine.
I'll meet you
in your office.
Yes, I noticed it
too, Diana.
They've played every stop
on the sabotage circuit.
Make a great cover
for an enemy operation.
Perhaps if we could get
one of our own agents
into that beauty contest.
Might flush him out.
Take a really
beautiful girl, though
someone with all
the right qualifications.
Well, I'd be
willing to try.
Thanks, Diana, I know
you'd do a wonderful job.
But I'm afraid, this calls
for a really gorgeous girl.
Someone who looks great
in a bathing suit.
Say, I won't be needing you
for a while.
Is there anything
you'd like to do?
Well, I could do some
shopping at the PX
and just take a bus
back to Washington.
- If you don't mind.
- That's fine.
Thank you.
Alright, girls. Let's try it
for real this time.
Monty, one, two, three, four.
Good start,
good start!
Altogether, please!
Excellent!
Yeah, right. Two.
And right.
And right.
Very good!
Good. And forward.
And forward.
And up stage.
Monty, Monty..
...hold it.
Somebody made a mistake.
- Oh.
- Oh, come on!
Alright, one more time.
From the top.
One, two, three, four.
Mitzie?
Mitzie?
- Mitzie.
- Yes?
There are no turns
in this number.
Oh, I'm sorry, I-I didn't,
I didn't know
there weren't any turns.
Sorry--
You're just trying
too hard, darling.
Well, at least
I know how to smile.
Is that what that is?
I thought it was
something you ate.
Rita!
Will you stop it?
Will you cut it out?
- Well, she started it!
- Now let's try it again.
'And stop trying to behave
like a herd of sheep.'
Can we take it from the top,
please, Lola?
Oh, I'm trying, Monty.
I am trying!
Alright, girls,
from the top!
One, two, three, four.
Excuse me,
but I'd like to find out
about the Miss GI
Dream Girl Contest.
You're a little late, dear.
Besides there are
no more openings.
Well, I've never heard of that.
She's beautiful!
- Yeah.
- Listen, I'm Lola Flynn.
And I'm running this contest
for Jack Woods
and honey we sure
could use you.
- 'What's your name?'
- Diana.
Diana Paradise.
And I would love
to be in your contest.
'It isn't fair
to the other girls.'
We like things
the way they are.
I agree, besides we don't know
the first thing about her.
What's to know? She wants
to enter a beauty contest.
Not medical school.
I think we ought to grab her.
Are you working here
on the base?
Yes, I am just now.
Well, that works fine because
you'll have to be confined
with all the rest
of the girls to quarters.
'Some dumb regulation
that has to do'
'with security or something.'
I still don't think
we should upset
the other contestants
for the sake of a late arrival.
- I agree.
- Why shouldn't she be allowed?
'Hey, break it up!'
Break it up!
Listen, we got
a slew of tired GIs
coming here tomorrow night
to look at girls!
Depriving them
of this baby doll
would be unpatriotic.
Tell me about yourself, sugar.
Never mind the dull stuff,
get right to your phone number.
But, Jack, all of us
have been working so hard
on our routines for the talent
part of the contest.
'If she's not prepared,
she'll make us look bad.'
- Oh.
- Rita.
The dragon lady's
got a point.
Can you sing or dance
or play a musical instrument?
Yes. What would you like me
to do for you first?
If I answer that question,
the draft board will say
that I'm young enough
to fight!
How about some hoofing?
'Make with the
eighty eights, professor.'
One, two, three, four.
Alright!
Sign her up.
I got to go now, girls,
I've got a golf date
with my favorite brass hat,
Colonel Flint.
His security staff
are the ones that are going
to protect you girls from
all the love-starved soldiers
here at Fort Russell.
Boo!
Bye-bye, girls.
Alright, everybody take five.
We've got a lot of work
before tomorrow, Diana.
How soon can you start?
This afternoon,
if it's alright with you.
I have a few things
to take care of first.
Fine.
How about three o'clock?
That's fine. Thank you.
- 'Diana?'
- Yes?
Huh, I was gonna
wish you luck
but I don't think
you're gonna need it.
You remind me,
kind of, of myself
a few centuries ago.
It's unfair to judge yourself
by the criterion of age.
A vital intelligent woman
is much more
than the sum
of her birthdays.
Yeah, well, huh, maybe it'll
be that way for you
but for me, my high point
was when I was 19
and I was
Miss American Beauty.
From then on, it was
downhill all the way.
Remember, three o'clock.
- Hi.
- You kinda like her, don't you?
Yes.
I think she isn't as hard
as she would like to be.
Good. It's always nice
to make new friends.
But there's only gonna be
one winner in this contest
and you're looking at her.
Well, I thought the judges
were gonna make that decision.
Just stay out
of my way, sweetheart.
I'm going to be
Miss GI Dream Girl
and be in Jack's next movie.
And anybody who tries
to stop me
better watch her step.
So as you can see, major
everyone's been checked
and double-checked.
Maybe, and I'm still gonna stay
with the inside job theory
a little longer.
We'll be in touch.
Let's get outta here.
Thanks, Wonder Woman.
They don't seem
too dangerous now
do they?
One of these days
I'm gonna find out
how you always know
when I need you.
Let's find out
what they know.
About the sabotage ring.
Well, they're
probably part of it.
Whoever's trying to destroy
that radar scanner
doesn't want my
investigation to go too far.
Alright, out.
Both of you.
What do you know about
this scanner project--
Wait!
They won't go far.
What is this?
It's a yellow dinky rope,
but-but I can't move!
No one can resist
the Golden Lasso.
It binds all
who it encircles
and compels them
to tell..
...the truth.
I can't think of a better time
to ask our friends
a few questions.
Who's your superior in the
attempts on the scanner project?
Hey, look, we never heard of
your project, whatchamacallit.
We were paid to hit
Major Steve Trevor.
'Five hundred bucks,
no questions asked.'
But you had to get
the money
and your assignment
from someone.
Who was that person?
Nobody. A phone call
gave us the job.
The money and the instructions
were in a locker
at the railroad station.
We don't know anything else.
So the real saboteur
hired some cheap muscle
to get me out of the way.
He must know
you're looking for him.
And he's getting nervous.
Steve, he might make another
attempt on your life.
I don't think he'd risk, uh
giving himself away
to get me a second time.
'He's after the scanner project,
and I've got to get after him'
as soon as I drop these two
hoods at the police station.
Alright, in the car,
you drive.
Major, would you rather
take your car?
I wonder if you can cook.
In the car.
In the front seat.
Steve.
Please be careful.
I like to be,
there just isn't time.
Okay, thanks.
I was right.
There's no Diana Paradise
working anywhere
in this base,
she's a phony!
So she made up
a fake story
to enter a big time
beauty contest.
I did the same thing
when I was a kid on the make.
Don't worry about it.
I never worry, Lola.
If she's interested in more
than just a beauty contest
it's too bad.
She's had it.
Etta, this isn't as easy
as it looks in the movies.
'That's better,
chin up, back straight.'
Better?
Diana?
- Is that really you?
- 'Yeah, isn't it amazing?'
If I thought a wig would do
that for me, I'd shave my head.
Well, the transformation's
incredible! But why?
Well, I've entered the
Miss GI Dream Girl Contest.
That's wonderful!
I'm using the name
Diana Paradise
so that no one can trace me
to Military Intelligence.
Oh. Excuse me.
Diana, I think it's great
you're doing this.
It shows a lot of initiative.
I want you to go back
to Fort Russell
and keep your eyes open.
I'm gonna try and get
a focus on this operation.
If I have anything,
I'll call you.
I'll say I'm your, um..
...Uncle George, clear?
- Yes, sir. Uncle George.
- Mm-hmm.
I'd better get back
to the base now
because I'm expected
by three.
Oh, I'll drive you.
Thank you.
- Oh, Diana?
- Yes, sir.
It's funny,
but seeing you in that dress
makes me realize
you look like somebody.
Who?
Joan Crawford.
Well, I'm very
flattered, sir.
Around the ankles.
Thanks.
Don't tell me
she's still in there.
So, what else is new?
Oh, come on!
Rita, what took you so long?
We're all waiting
to get in the shower!
It takes her longer
because she's dirtier
than the rest of us.
How would you like to smile
for the judges
with no front teeth?
Alright, girls,
break it up.
Break it up!
Look, nobody's gonna
be Miss Dream Girl
with a black eye
and a fat lip.
Now, most of you kids seem okay,
so if Rita or somebody acts up
just don't encourage
them, alright?
Alright. But she's always
pickin' on me.
Look, we just wanted
to wash up
and get a little beauty sleep.
That's all.
If sleep makes one beautiful,
then all of you
must have had
insomnia for years.
One more day!
Diana, I'm sorry about
the accommodations
but you got here too late
for one of the choice bunks.
Oh, this will
be quite comfortable
I'm sure, Ms. Flynn,
thank you.
You know, you seem
like a nice kid.
I-I think I ought to warn you.
Warn me about what?
Well, there's a lot more
at stake here
than just a beauty contest
for some people.
'Don't panic, girls.'
I just came here
to tuck you in.
'Now, look, if any of you girls
get thirsty during the night'
'I just--'
Yes, go on.
Just...do as you're told and..
...be careful.
Extra careful.
'Now you do exactly what
I tell you to do, alright?'
Listen, are they treating
you girls alright?
Oh, yeah!
Ah, nuts!
And I wore a rubber shirt
so that you could
cry on my shoulder.
Aw, there's a few
personal things
I'd like to go over with you.
Uh, it won't take long.
That's what
I'm afraid of, honey.
Now, listen, I'd love to get
to know you girls better
but if I do,
a lot of people will say
I'm low and corruptible enough
to trade my vote
'as a contest judge
for a little smooching.'
And they're right.
Front and center!
Diana!
Well, well, well!
- How's it going?
- Fine, Mr. Wood.
And I really don't know
how to thank you enough
for allowing me
to become a contestant.
Well, I do. Meet me tonight on
the firing range at 12 o'clock.
Bring an evening gown
and some bananas
because when I monkey around,
I use real monkeys.
I didn't know
you worked with animals.
Are you kidding?
Didn't you ever see my band?
Oh, boy, you know,
even with all these curves
this kid would make
a great straight man.
Oh, wait a minute!
Why don't I use you tomorrow
night in the magic pit?
- Oh, yeah!
- What an idea!
Wait a minute, let me get some
of my little magic props here
and we're gonna
work this out.
Now, you do exactly
what I tell you
to do, alright?
- How about some music--
- Now you just follow me.
And hang in loose.
A little magic music, please.
Now, here's what we do.
Now, watch closely.
There's the audience.
Hello, how are you?
'Here's my pretty assistant.'
Now you hold this,
like this.
I take this out and I show it
to the audience, right?
They all look at it, they see
it's completely empty.
I put in here,
like this, right?
You put the top down
on the top of the table.
Very good,
I put it here like this
and all of a sudden,
abracadabra
and what have we got here?
Tada, oh, look at this,
she's a natural.
Lola, sign her up,
tell wardrobe
to dress her
in as little as possible.
- Right, Jack.
- Alright, goodnight, girls.
I'll see you
in my dreams.
'Goodnight, Mr. Wood.'
That magic bit
was supposed to be mine.
I told you
to stay out of my way
and the first chance you get,
you cozy up to the star.
Oh, that never
entered my mind, Rita.
- No?
- No.
Well, let's see how you feel
about this entering your nose!
Rita, knock it off,
or you're out of the contest.
- Are you alright?
- I'm fine, thank you.
Diana, it's a phone for you.
It's your Uncle George.
Thank you, Ms. Flynn.
Diana, no more personal calls.
It's in the rules.
Yes, ma'am.
Hello? Uncle George!
Just listen, Diana.
I've been doing some checking
and the blast at the tunnel
wasn't the first attempt
on the scanner project.
The other attempt missed, too.
Damaged a base access road.
But it looked like an accident,
so nobody reported it.
Oh, I see. Well, that's very
interesting, Uncle George.
But, uh, is there anything else
you wanted to tell me?
You see, I'm not allowed to have
any more personal calls.
- It's in the rules.
- I understand.
So I'll make it fast.
The third and final
radar component
will be completed at the fort's
electrical substation
at 0100 hours tonight.
'It's located directly
behind the motor pool.'
'Now, the saboteur
has to try for it'
'and I'll be waiting for him.'
Now, what I want you to do is
watch for any activity
in the Jack Wood's group
that might clue us in
to the saboteur's identity.
Okay? Good hunting.
Oh, the same to you,
Uncle George.
I don't know what game
you're playing, sweetheart
but whatever it is,
little Rita's gonna find out
all about it.
Excuse me, Rita.
Steve?
- Steve?
- Oh, my head.
The scanner!
They didn't get it, did they?
No, some electrical equipment's
been destroyed
and...someone's gonna have to
account for a missing tailgate.
But the project's alright.
- How are you?
- Oh, I'm okay.
The guards are coming.
I better go.
But, Wonder Woman,
I.. Oh!
What was that noise over there?
It was so loud.
Alright, I'm sure everything
is under control.
Look, just go back to bed
and leave whatever's
happening outside to the army.
Maybe what's happening
was caused
by someone
who shouldn't be outside.
Diana's missing.
Well, Diana knows the rules.
I'm sure she's not gone.
Then a search will
turn her up, right?
Wait.
'I told you she took off.'
She knows the rules,
and she's out of the contest.
What's going on out here?
Diana, I knew
you were some place.
I just never thought
of the shower.
Well, it was hot
and I couldn't sleep.
What about this?
I found it on your pillow.
That's the only thing
false about her, Rita.
Can you say the same?
Alright, everybody
back to sleep.
It's gonna be
a big day tomorrow.
Goodnight..
...again.
'Don't turn the light on.'
What's going on out there?
It sounds like a war!
An unexpected visit
from Wonder Woman.
And what's more, our late
arrival, Diana Paradise?
Well, she's up to something.
Diana?
Are you sure?
- Hm.
- What're you gonna do?
I don't know yet,
but I'll think of something.
I don't wanna be involved.
Well, I'm sorry
you feel that way, Lola.
But you see,
our primary purpose
was not to sabotage
the radar project.
It was just a cover
to ensure the success
of our real mission.
My dear, we are going
to assassinate..
...a very important general
named Dwight D. Eisenhower.
'I hope General Eisenhower
understands'
about why we had to change
your departure time.
I've informed the general
of the botched
sabotage attempts
at Fort Russell.
Nothing to worry about,
you'll just have to take
another approach route
that's a little longer.
Well...just as long
as the general
has time to check out
that special project
before it's sent on
to New York.
He'll have plenty
of time for that.
And you also get a bonus.
You'll be able
to catch the finals
of the Miss Dream Girl Contest.
Jack Wood's broadcasting it
from Fort Russell.
Well, that's a good idea.
That's good for
the soldier's morale.
Good for the, uh,
officers' morale as well.
Sabotage try one,
closed an access road.
Two, shut down the tunnel.
And three, last night,
blew up part
of the electrical system
that services
the fort's
auxiliary airfield.
Well, at least they didn't wreck
the radar scanner, sir.
That's the important thing!
Is it?
How can an enemy agent
clever enough
to penetrate our defenses
miss his target
three times out of three?
Good news, Steve.
We've won!
The radar scanner's completed.
The components are being
assembled right now.
So the device will be
operational in time
for his personal inspection.
Whose inspection, sir?
A general officer
of the War Department's
very high on,
name of Eisenhower.
'I'm sorry to keep you in
the dark about that, Steve'
but he's involved in some
very top level stuff.
We considered his travel plans
so important
no one was supposed to know.
Just like the radar scanner.
But the enemy
still knew about it.
General..
...what route is Eisenhower
taking to Fort Russell?
- His route?
- Yes.
Well, originally,
he was scheduled to stop
at Fort Hughes for
a special debriefing session
with a special forces officer
from Camp Mackenzie.
Cancelled because
of accidents
at both of
those installations.
A fire at Hughes, a gas main
blow-up at Mackenzie.
So Eisenhower
is forced to come
directly to Fort Russell.
I repeat, sir,
by what route?
A plane from Randolph Field
to the fort's auxiliary
landing strip.
Closed by sabotage
to the electrical system.
Then south on the access road
through the service tunnel.
But, sir,
the road and the tunnel
were closed by sabotage, too.
Leaving the only route
into Fort Russell..
...a landing..
...at this civilian airstrip
west of the perimeter.
And the fire road
behind the old artillery range
entering the base at..
...Point Lobo.
A perfect place
for an ambush.
Good Lord!
It wasn't the radar scanner
the saboteurs were after.
They were creating
a funnel through which
Eisenhower had
to enter the fort.
Etta, call Diana
at the Officers' Club Theater.
Say that Uncle George
has an urgent message
for her and tell her
what happened.
We'll alert Point Lobo
and the fort by car radio
on our way to Eisenhower's
landing site.
We've got to try
and head him off.
Communications?
General Blankenship's
priority clearance.
I have to place a call
to the theater
at Fort Russell right away!
You know something, I just feel
that there's something
just not right
about Diana Paradise.
We have a beauty contest
and she's the best looking
girl around,
now what's wrong with that?
You know what I mean,
she's just not interested
in some dumb beauty contest.
If that's the way it is,
that'll be the end of her.
Monty, I have told you,
I don't wanna hear you
talking that way anymore.
Alright, girls, let's take
a look at the costumes.
Yeah! All look fine.
You better hurry up and get into
your bathing suits.
Lola.
That costume
should be mine.
It doesn't even
look right on her.
Rita, we don't
have time for that.
They're lined up outside,
and Jack's gonna do
his warm up in 20 minutes.
Well, come on, girls,
let's get going!
Officers' Club Theater.
Diana Paradise?
Hold on.
Hello?
Hello?
Operator, we've been cut off!
The call was for me,
my Uncle George.
Uh, no personal calls,
Ms. Paradise.
No exceptions.
Well, whatever you say,
Mr. Burns.
Hey, fella,
would you lower the PA?
We're getting a little feedback
on the speakers.
'Watch it,
this thing weighs a ton.'
'If it ever came down,
somebody could get killed.'
Somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
'It's no use, Steve.
We still got 15 miles to go.'
'But Eisenhower's plane
is maintaining radio silence.'
'Then we've just
gotta reach him'
'before he starts
for Point Lobo.'
- 'Blankenship, here.'
- General, it's Etta.
I can't reach Diana.
They're not answering
the phone.
'Then get an MP to get you over
to the theater.'
'Tell her in person, fast!'
Yes, sir, but it'll be
too late for Diana
to do anything about anything
and she'll be worried about you
and General Eisenhower.
Oh, sir, I know
this isn't very military
but I hate a crisis situation.
'Pull yourself together, Etta.'
Yes, sir.
Over and out.
'Step on it, Steve.'
Okay, fella.
Take it up, will you?
That's it.
The place is filling up
with soldiers.
Monty, what you said
about Diana
you're not gonna
do anything, are you?
Don't worry.
It'll be over quickly.
I can't let that happen.
That's gotta be stopped, now.
That's not possible,
Lola, dear.
First, because you're
in this up to your
fast wrinkling neck
and, second,
because it's too late.
It's already started.
My men are in position by now.
'And the main attraction,
ladies and gentlemen'
for your pleasure
and for mine
your Miss GI Dream Girl.
♪ Here come our dream girls ♪
♪ Each one a pearl ♪
♪ Charming and beautiful ♪
♪ An all American girl ♪
♪ How can you pick one ♪
♪ When each little miss ♪
♪ Just can't miss ♪
♪ Here's to our dream girls ♪
♪ An all American kiss ♪
♪ How can you pick one ♪
♪ When each little miss ♪
♪ Just can't miss ♪
♪ Here's to our dream girls ♪
♪ An all American kiss ♪♪
Aren't they lovely?
They're all dream girls,
each and every one of 'em.
'His plane's already landed.'
Maybe he's still here.
We just missed him. He can't be
that far ahead of us.
I hope it's not too late.
Point Lobo doesn't respond
to our calls
that trap could be
set already.
Yes, sir, and that's something
that they will never replace
with synthetics.
'Isn't she wonderful?'
'The girls are going
to show the judges'
that they've got something
going for them besides beauty.
Me!
But seriously, folks,
this is the talent portion
of our competition.
And our next contestant
direct from New York City
the very lovely, vivacious
Ms. Betty Lou Capeletti
in her own fantasy
and dance.
Let's hear it for Betty Lou!
Where do you think
you're going?
Oh, I've gotta see
Diana Paradise.
It's a matter
of life or death.
Sorry, but you're gonna have
to wait till after the show.
Oh.
I said, after the show.
Excuse me.
Ms. Flynn.
I can't find my costume
for the number
with Mr. Wood.
It's not in my
wardrobe locker.
It's got to be.
You just had it on
in dress rehearsal.
I hate to be
the one to say it
but where is Rita
right this minute?
I mean, she doesn't have
to change until next to last.
Well, how about that
for a double jointed baby doll?
Honey, fold yourself up
and wait for me
in my glove compartment.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's my turn.
Now, I'm not gonna
get to you with beauty
but I've still got
a couple of things going for me.
This is one of them,
and this is the other.
Here I am, Mr. Wood.
It is Rita.
She's taken my place.
I may as well get ready
for the evening gown parade.
Monty, you can't
go through with this.
- You're making a mistake!
- Lola dear.
You leave me
no alternative.
See how easy it is
to get rid of you, my dear?
You can talk
about your big finish
but this is ridiculous!
'What's going on here?'
The-the Jack Wood Show
spares no expense.
'Nice to see you,
Wonder Woman'
'but I'm sorry,
I do a single.'
Mr. Wood, it is
very important
that no one leave
this theater.
I'm not gonna argue
with you, doll.
Well, you gotta admit
that this is better
than your army training films
on athlete's foot.
Oh, Wonder Woman,
am I glad to see you!
I have to find Diana Prince
to tell her
what's happened,
but she isn't here!
- What happened?
- Oh, it's terrible!
Is it Steve?
Major Trevor.
Yes. No!
Well, it's partly him.
Mostly it's about
General Eisenhower.
The sabotage was just a trick
to hide an attempt on his life!
Steve's trying to head him off
now on the road to Point Lobo.
It's Eisenhower, alright.
He's not alone.
There's a car following him.
We're being tailed, sir.
I'll try to outrun them.
They're making a run for it.
They don't know who we are!
That's Morse code, general!
T-R-E-V-O-R!
Stop the car.
Sorry to show up
this way, general
but you're heading
into an ambush.
You were funneled to
this road by sabotage.
You'll have to turn back
at once.
Out of the car, general.
We can hold our own
from this position
as long as our ammunition
holds out.
We're gonna have
to get smart, or lucky.
Look, it's Wonder Woman!
There's our luck, general.
And it never came in
a more beautiful package.
Are you alright?
If they gave merit badges
for being fantastic
you'd be an Eagle Scout
after that!
'How'd you find us?'
Well, Etta told
me what happened.
But this is not over yet.
I think Monty Burns
is behind this,
and he's escaped.
'Well, not far from here
is an MP phone box.'
As soon as we get them
to mop up here
we'll take care
of your Mr. Burns.
There! There, on the hill!
And that's the story
of what's happened here
this evening, boys and girls.
And now, since it's a beauty
contest that you've come to see
I think it's time
that you get to look
at the one and only
winner possible.
Here she is..
...Wonder Woman!
♪ Here comes our dream girl ♪
♪ She's quite a pearl ♪
♪ Charming and beautiful ♪
♪ An all American girl ♪
♪ Now that we've picked one ♪
♪ This cute little miss
just can't miss ♪♪
I still don't understand
what happened to Diana, Steve.
She was supposed to be
in the beauty contest.
Well, it's simple, Etta,
when she found out
she'd have to share the stage
with Wonder Woman
the poor kid probably
threw in the sponge.
Yeah, but what woman wouldn't?
Wonder Woman is just too much.
Yes, General Blankenship.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Thank you, sir.
Goodbye.
Monty Burns
and his entire ring
have been arraigned
in Washington.
The radar scanner's already
a smashing success.
And General Eisenhower
has nominated
Wonder Woman for
a special citation.
What about Lola Flynn?
I feel rather
sorry for her.
Her cooperation's being
considered in her favor.
But espionage during wartime
is still a very
serious offence.
But Jack Wood's trying
to get her leniency.
He's a hard man
to say no to.
Well, I'm glad.
Now, I've gotta finish these
requisition forms you requested.
We're running low
on graph paper.
Graph paper?
Is that all you can think of
after all that's happened?
'Being in a beauty contest
and meeting'
Jack Wood in person..
And the ambush
of General Eisenhower
and Wonder Woman and--
'It's no use, Etta.'
Our Diana is
strictly business.
But maybe, just maybe
one of these days
she'll get tired
of missing all the fun.
And when that happens,
I'd love to be around.
You will be, major.
That's a promise.
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All the world
is waiting for you ♪
♪ And the power you possess ♪
♪ In your satin tights ♪
♪ Fighting for your rights ♪
♪ And the old Red
White and Blue ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All our hopes
are pinned upon you ♪
♪ And the magic
that you do ♪
♪ Stop a bullet cold and ♪
♪ Make the Axis fold ♪
♪ Change their minds ♪
♪ And change the world ♪
♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All the world
is waiting for you ♪
♪ And the power you possess ♪
♪ In your satin tights ♪
♪ Fighting for your rights ♪
♪ And the old Red
White and Blue ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Now the world
is ready for you ♪
♪ And the wonders you can do ♪
♪ Make a hawk a dove ♪
♪ Stop a war with love ♪
♪ Make a liar tell the truth ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Get us out from under ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All our hopes
are pinned upon you ♪
♪ And the magic that you do ♪
♪ Stop a bullet cold and ♪
♪ Make the axis fold ♪
♪ Change their minds ♪
♪ And change the world ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪
Stop right there.
Security area.
Q clearance to go by.
Proceed.
Fort Russell
is supposed to be
one of our most
secured posts.
But they still managed
to get in some way.
We were lucky this time,
no one was killed.
Just some damage
to this tunnel here.
But whoever it was still knew
just when we'd be transporting
'those radar
scanner components.'
Q security's the tightest
we have.
Yet they still seem to know
just where to hit us.
An unexplained fire
at Fort Hughes
the gas main explosion at
Camp Mackenzie
now this bombing.
'All links in
what we thought'
'was a top secret
assembly chain.'
Perhaps if we changed
the assembly schedule..
No, it's too late
for that.
The scanner's being
assembled right here
at Fort Russell
at three separate locations.
If the enemy's gonna destroy it,
they'll have to strike
before final assembly
tomorrow night.
Steve, I know that doesn't
give you much time
but you have to do it.
You have to make sure
that entire base
is 100% secure.
I'll take care
of it, sir.
Sir.
I still don't know
how they got through.
Security is my business,
Major Trevor
and you better believe
I am good at it.
Fort Russell's spread over
more than a 100 square miles
and nobody crosses
one inch of its perimeter
without my knowing
about it.
Except for this time.
A mistake's been made,
Colonel Flint.
You're gonna have
to admit it.
A faulty alarm system,
a sleepy guard--
Negative.
Every link
in our security chain
was and is solid.
That saboteur had
to be a magician
to get onto these
grounds undetected.
Well, he might have been
inside all along.
There are 15,000 men
stationed here.
It's possible an enemy agent
could lose himself in the crowd
wait for his chance
to strike.
I've had all personnel
very carefully screened.
There's not a person
on this base
who hasn't been cleared
for military purposes.
Does that
include them, colonel?
They don't look
very military to me.
Yeoman Prince
is a 100% right.
What are they doing at
a top-security installation?
They're boosting
morale, major.
The girls are all finalists
in the Miss GI
Dream Girl Beauty Contest.
Well, they're
certainly beautiful.
'Yes, it's gonna be tough
picking the winner.'
'The finals are here tomorrow
at the Officers' Club.'
That's the best place
to hold it.
Officers and enlisted men,
all are invited.
- Holy cow!
- Here they are, boys!
All the little cuties,
they're here for you.
Now, you can look at 'em,
but don't touch 'em.
- That's Jack Wood.
- Who?
Only America's
favorite radio comic.
He's doing his show
here tomorrow.
Emceeing the beauty
contest finals
on a coast
to coast broadcast.
Listen, if you guys still think
that you're fighting for mom's
apple pie, see the chaplain.
He's always--
He's always lookin'
for miracles.
'Come on,
you still enjoyed it..'
They're all here for you, guys.
What do you think?
Alright, that's enough,
girls. Come on.
It's rehearsal time.
Let's go, girls.
See you later, boys!
Don't worry about it.
They-they're all
waiting for you.
Do you think it's wise,
colonel, giving, uh
civilians a run
of the base?
Jack Wood isn't
just a civilian!
He's an institution!
Like Bob Hope
or Babe Ruth.
'Besides, his itinerary's
been cleared by Washington.'
Last week he ran a preliminary
contest at Fort Hughes
'four days after that, he did
the same at Camp Mackenzie'
and now he's here
for the finals.
And believe me,
we're glad to have him.
First Fort Hughes,
then Camp Mackenzie
and now Fort..
I presume, colonel,
that you've, uh..
prepared dossiers on Mr. Wood
and his troupe.
I'd like to see them,
if I may.
Yes, of course,
I'll get them ready for you.
Fine.
I'll meet you
in your office.
Yes, I noticed it
too, Diana.
They've played every stop
on the sabotage circuit.
Make a great cover
for an enemy operation.
Perhaps if we could get
one of our own agents
into that beauty contest.
Might flush him out.
Take a really
beautiful girl, though
someone with all
the right qualifications.
Well, I'd be
willing to try.
Thanks, Diana, I know
you'd do a wonderful job.
But I'm afraid, this calls
for a really gorgeous girl.
Someone who looks great
in a bathing suit.
Say, I won't be needing you
for a while.
Is there anything
you'd like to do?
Well, I could do some
shopping at the PX
and just take a bus
back to Washington.
- If you don't mind.
- That's fine.
Thank you.
Alright, girls. Let's try it
for real this time.
Monty, one, two, three, four.
Good start,
good start!
Altogether, please!
Excellent!
Yeah, right. Two.
And right.
And right.
Very good!
Good. And forward.
And forward.
And up stage.
Monty, Monty..
...hold it.
Somebody made a mistake.
- Oh.
- Oh, come on!
Alright, one more time.
From the top.
One, two, three, four.
Mitzie?
Mitzie?
- Mitzie.
- Yes?
There are no turns
in this number.
Oh, I'm sorry, I-I didn't,
I didn't know
there weren't any turns.
Sorry--
You're just trying
too hard, darling.
Well, at least
I know how to smile.
Is that what that is?
I thought it was
something you ate.
Rita!
Will you stop it?
Will you cut it out?
- Well, she started it!
- Now let's try it again.
'And stop trying to behave
like a herd of sheep.'
Can we take it from the top,
please, Lola?
Oh, I'm trying, Monty.
I am trying!
Alright, girls,
from the top!
One, two, three, four.
Excuse me,
but I'd like to find out
about the Miss GI
Dream Girl Contest.
You're a little late, dear.
Besides there are
no more openings.
Well, I've never heard of that.
She's beautiful!
- Yeah.
- Listen, I'm Lola Flynn.
And I'm running this contest
for Jack Woods
and honey we sure
could use you.
- 'What's your name?'
- Diana.
Diana Paradise.
And I would love
to be in your contest.
'It isn't fair
to the other girls.'
We like things
the way they are.
I agree, besides we don't know
the first thing about her.
What's to know? She wants
to enter a beauty contest.
Not medical school.
I think we ought to grab her.
Are you working here
on the base?
Yes, I am just now.
Well, that works fine because
you'll have to be confined
with all the rest
of the girls to quarters.
'Some dumb regulation
that has to do'
'with security or something.'
I still don't think
we should upset
the other contestants
for the sake of a late arrival.
- I agree.
- Why shouldn't she be allowed?
'Hey, break it up!'
Break it up!
Listen, we got
a slew of tired GIs
coming here tomorrow night
to look at girls!
Depriving them
of this baby doll
would be unpatriotic.
Tell me about yourself, sugar.
Never mind the dull stuff,
get right to your phone number.
But, Jack, all of us
have been working so hard
on our routines for the talent
part of the contest.
'If she's not prepared,
she'll make us look bad.'
- Oh.
- Rita.
The dragon lady's
got a point.
Can you sing or dance
or play a musical instrument?
Yes. What would you like me
to do for you first?
If I answer that question,
the draft board will say
that I'm young enough
to fight!
How about some hoofing?
'Make with the
eighty eights, professor.'
One, two, three, four.
Alright!
Sign her up.
I got to go now, girls,
I've got a golf date
with my favorite brass hat,
Colonel Flint.
His security staff
are the ones that are going
to protect you girls from
all the love-starved soldiers
here at Fort Russell.
Boo!
Bye-bye, girls.
Alright, everybody take five.
We've got a lot of work
before tomorrow, Diana.
How soon can you start?
This afternoon,
if it's alright with you.
I have a few things
to take care of first.
Fine.
How about three o'clock?
That's fine. Thank you.
- 'Diana?'
- Yes?
Huh, I was gonna
wish you luck
but I don't think
you're gonna need it.
You remind me,
kind of, of myself
a few centuries ago.
It's unfair to judge yourself
by the criterion of age.
A vital intelligent woman
is much more
than the sum
of her birthdays.
Yeah, well, huh, maybe it'll
be that way for you
but for me, my high point
was when I was 19
and I was
Miss American Beauty.
From then on, it was
downhill all the way.
Remember, three o'clock.
- Hi.
- You kinda like her, don't you?
Yes.
I think she isn't as hard
as she would like to be.
Good. It's always nice
to make new friends.
But there's only gonna be
one winner in this contest
and you're looking at her.
Well, I thought the judges
were gonna make that decision.
Just stay out
of my way, sweetheart.
I'm going to be
Miss GI Dream Girl
and be in Jack's next movie.
And anybody who tries
to stop me
better watch her step.
So as you can see, major
everyone's been checked
and double-checked.
Maybe, and I'm still gonna stay
with the inside job theory
a little longer.
We'll be in touch.
Let's get outta here.
Thanks, Wonder Woman.
They don't seem
too dangerous now
do they?
One of these days
I'm gonna find out
how you always know
when I need you.
Let's find out
what they know.
About the sabotage ring.
Well, they're
probably part of it.
Whoever's trying to destroy
that radar scanner
doesn't want my
investigation to go too far.
Alright, out.
Both of you.
What do you know about
this scanner project--
Wait!
They won't go far.
What is this?
It's a yellow dinky rope,
but-but I can't move!
No one can resist
the Golden Lasso.
It binds all
who it encircles
and compels them
to tell..
...the truth.
I can't think of a better time
to ask our friends
a few questions.
Who's your superior in the
attempts on the scanner project?
Hey, look, we never heard of
your project, whatchamacallit.
We were paid to hit
Major Steve Trevor.
'Five hundred bucks,
no questions asked.'
But you had to get
the money
and your assignment
from someone.
Who was that person?
Nobody. A phone call
gave us the job.
The money and the instructions
were in a locker
at the railroad station.
We don't know anything else.
So the real saboteur
hired some cheap muscle
to get me out of the way.
He must know
you're looking for him.
And he's getting nervous.
Steve, he might make another
attempt on your life.
I don't think he'd risk, uh
giving himself away
to get me a second time.
'He's after the scanner project,
and I've got to get after him'
as soon as I drop these two
hoods at the police station.
Alright, in the car,
you drive.
Major, would you rather
take your car?
I wonder if you can cook.
In the car.
In the front seat.
Steve.
Please be careful.
I like to be,
there just isn't time.
Okay, thanks.
I was right.
There's no Diana Paradise
working anywhere
in this base,
she's a phony!
So she made up
a fake story
to enter a big time
beauty contest.
I did the same thing
when I was a kid on the make.
Don't worry about it.
I never worry, Lola.
If she's interested in more
than just a beauty contest
it's too bad.
She's had it.
Etta, this isn't as easy
as it looks in the movies.
'That's better,
chin up, back straight.'
Better?
Diana?
- Is that really you?
- 'Yeah, isn't it amazing?'
If I thought a wig would do
that for me, I'd shave my head.
Well, the transformation's
incredible! But why?
Well, I've entered the
Miss GI Dream Girl Contest.
That's wonderful!
I'm using the name
Diana Paradise
so that no one can trace me
to Military Intelligence.
Oh. Excuse me.
Diana, I think it's great
you're doing this.
It shows a lot of initiative.
I want you to go back
to Fort Russell
and keep your eyes open.
I'm gonna try and get
a focus on this operation.
If I have anything,
I'll call you.
I'll say I'm your, um..
...Uncle George, clear?
- Yes, sir. Uncle George.
- Mm-hmm.
I'd better get back
to the base now
because I'm expected
by three.
Oh, I'll drive you.
Thank you.
- Oh, Diana?
- Yes, sir.
It's funny,
but seeing you in that dress
makes me realize
you look like somebody.
Who?
Joan Crawford.
Well, I'm very
flattered, sir.
Around the ankles.
Thanks.
Don't tell me
she's still in there.
So, what else is new?
Oh, come on!
Rita, what took you so long?
We're all waiting
to get in the shower!
It takes her longer
because she's dirtier
than the rest of us.
How would you like to smile
for the judges
with no front teeth?
Alright, girls,
break it up.
Break it up!
Look, nobody's gonna
be Miss Dream Girl
with a black eye
and a fat lip.
Now, most of you kids seem okay,
so if Rita or somebody acts up
just don't encourage
them, alright?
Alright. But she's always
pickin' on me.
Look, we just wanted
to wash up
and get a little beauty sleep.
That's all.
If sleep makes one beautiful,
then all of you
must have had
insomnia for years.
One more day!
Diana, I'm sorry about
the accommodations
but you got here too late
for one of the choice bunks.
Oh, this will
be quite comfortable
I'm sure, Ms. Flynn,
thank you.
You know, you seem
like a nice kid.
I-I think I ought to warn you.
Warn me about what?
Well, there's a lot more
at stake here
than just a beauty contest
for some people.
'Don't panic, girls.'
I just came here
to tuck you in.
'Now, look, if any of you girls
get thirsty during the night'
'I just--'
Yes, go on.
Just...do as you're told and..
...be careful.
Extra careful.
'Now you do exactly what
I tell you to do, alright?'
Listen, are they treating
you girls alright?
Oh, yeah!
Ah, nuts!
And I wore a rubber shirt
so that you could
cry on my shoulder.
Aw, there's a few
personal things
I'd like to go over with you.
Uh, it won't take long.
That's what
I'm afraid of, honey.
Now, listen, I'd love to get
to know you girls better
but if I do,
a lot of people will say
I'm low and corruptible enough
to trade my vote
'as a contest judge
for a little smooching.'
And they're right.
Front and center!
Diana!
Well, well, well!
- How's it going?
- Fine, Mr. Wood.
And I really don't know
how to thank you enough
for allowing me
to become a contestant.
Well, I do. Meet me tonight on
the firing range at 12 o'clock.
Bring an evening gown
and some bananas
because when I monkey around,
I use real monkeys.
I didn't know
you worked with animals.
Are you kidding?
Didn't you ever see my band?
Oh, boy, you know,
even with all these curves
this kid would make
a great straight man.
Oh, wait a minute!
Why don't I use you tomorrow
night in the magic pit?
- Oh, yeah!
- What an idea!
Wait a minute, let me get some
of my little magic props here
and we're gonna
work this out.
Now, you do exactly
what I tell you
to do, alright?
- How about some music--
- Now you just follow me.
And hang in loose.
A little magic music, please.
Now, here's what we do.
Now, watch closely.
There's the audience.
Hello, how are you?
'Here's my pretty assistant.'
Now you hold this,
like this.
I take this out and I show it
to the audience, right?
They all look at it, they see
it's completely empty.
I put in here,
like this, right?
You put the top down
on the top of the table.
Very good,
I put it here like this
and all of a sudden,
abracadabra
and what have we got here?
Tada, oh, look at this,
she's a natural.
Lola, sign her up,
tell wardrobe
to dress her
in as little as possible.
- Right, Jack.
- Alright, goodnight, girls.
I'll see you
in my dreams.
'Goodnight, Mr. Wood.'
That magic bit
was supposed to be mine.
I told you
to stay out of my way
and the first chance you get,
you cozy up to the star.
Oh, that never
entered my mind, Rita.
- No?
- No.
Well, let's see how you feel
about this entering your nose!
Rita, knock it off,
or you're out of the contest.
- Are you alright?
- I'm fine, thank you.
Diana, it's a phone for you.
It's your Uncle George.
Thank you, Ms. Flynn.
Diana, no more personal calls.
It's in the rules.
Yes, ma'am.
Hello? Uncle George!
Just listen, Diana.
I've been doing some checking
and the blast at the tunnel
wasn't the first attempt
on the scanner project.
The other attempt missed, too.
Damaged a base access road.
But it looked like an accident,
so nobody reported it.
Oh, I see. Well, that's very
interesting, Uncle George.
But, uh, is there anything else
you wanted to tell me?
You see, I'm not allowed to have
any more personal calls.
- It's in the rules.
- I understand.
So I'll make it fast.
The third and final
radar component
will be completed at the fort's
electrical substation
at 0100 hours tonight.
'It's located directly
behind the motor pool.'
'Now, the saboteur
has to try for it'
'and I'll be waiting for him.'
Now, what I want you to do is
watch for any activity
in the Jack Wood's group
that might clue us in
to the saboteur's identity.
Okay? Good hunting.
Oh, the same to you,
Uncle George.
I don't know what game
you're playing, sweetheart
but whatever it is,
little Rita's gonna find out
all about it.
Excuse me, Rita.
Steve?
- Steve?
- Oh, my head.
The scanner!
They didn't get it, did they?
No, some electrical equipment's
been destroyed
and...someone's gonna have to
account for a missing tailgate.
But the project's alright.
- How are you?
- Oh, I'm okay.
The guards are coming.
I better go.
But, Wonder Woman,
I.. Oh!
What was that noise over there?
It was so loud.
Alright, I'm sure everything
is under control.
Look, just go back to bed
and leave whatever's
happening outside to the army.
Maybe what's happening
was caused
by someone
who shouldn't be outside.
Diana's missing.
Well, Diana knows the rules.
I'm sure she's not gone.
Then a search will
turn her up, right?
Wait.
'I told you she took off.'
She knows the rules,
and she's out of the contest.
What's going on out here?
Diana, I knew
you were some place.
I just never thought
of the shower.
Well, it was hot
and I couldn't sleep.
What about this?
I found it on your pillow.
That's the only thing
false about her, Rita.
Can you say the same?
Alright, everybody
back to sleep.
It's gonna be
a big day tomorrow.
Goodnight..
...again.
'Don't turn the light on.'
What's going on out there?
It sounds like a war!
An unexpected visit
from Wonder Woman.
And what's more, our late
arrival, Diana Paradise?
Well, she's up to something.
Diana?
Are you sure?
- Hm.
- What're you gonna do?
I don't know yet,
but I'll think of something.
I don't wanna be involved.
Well, I'm sorry
you feel that way, Lola.
But you see,
our primary purpose
was not to sabotage
the radar project.
It was just a cover
to ensure the success
of our real mission.
My dear, we are going
to assassinate..
...a very important general
named Dwight D. Eisenhower.
'I hope General Eisenhower
understands'
about why we had to change
your departure time.
I've informed the general
of the botched
sabotage attempts
at Fort Russell.
Nothing to worry about,
you'll just have to take
another approach route
that's a little longer.
Well...just as long
as the general
has time to check out
that special project
before it's sent on
to New York.
He'll have plenty
of time for that.
And you also get a bonus.
You'll be able
to catch the finals
of the Miss Dream Girl Contest.
Jack Wood's broadcasting it
from Fort Russell.
Well, that's a good idea.
That's good for
the soldier's morale.
Good for the, uh,
officers' morale as well.
Sabotage try one,
closed an access road.
Two, shut down the tunnel.
And three, last night,
blew up part
of the electrical system
that services
the fort's
auxiliary airfield.
Well, at least they didn't wreck
the radar scanner, sir.
That's the important thing!
Is it?
How can an enemy agent
clever enough
to penetrate our defenses
miss his target
three times out of three?
Good news, Steve.
We've won!
The radar scanner's completed.
The components are being
assembled right now.
So the device will be
operational in time
for his personal inspection.
Whose inspection, sir?
A general officer
of the War Department's
very high on,
name of Eisenhower.
'I'm sorry to keep you in
the dark about that, Steve'
but he's involved in some
very top level stuff.
We considered his travel plans
so important
no one was supposed to know.
Just like the radar scanner.
But the enemy
still knew about it.
General..
...what route is Eisenhower
taking to Fort Russell?
- His route?
- Yes.
Well, originally,
he was scheduled to stop
at Fort Hughes for
a special debriefing session
with a special forces officer
from Camp Mackenzie.
Cancelled because
of accidents
at both of
those installations.
A fire at Hughes, a gas main
blow-up at Mackenzie.
So Eisenhower
is forced to come
directly to Fort Russell.
I repeat, sir,
by what route?
A plane from Randolph Field
to the fort's auxiliary
landing strip.
Closed by sabotage
to the electrical system.
Then south on the access road
through the service tunnel.
But, sir,
the road and the tunnel
were closed by sabotage, too.
Leaving the only route
into Fort Russell..
...a landing..
...at this civilian airstrip
west of the perimeter.
And the fire road
behind the old artillery range
entering the base at..
...Point Lobo.
A perfect place
for an ambush.
Good Lord!
It wasn't the radar scanner
the saboteurs were after.
They were creating
a funnel through which
Eisenhower had
to enter the fort.
Etta, call Diana
at the Officers' Club Theater.
Say that Uncle George
has an urgent message
for her and tell her
what happened.
We'll alert Point Lobo
and the fort by car radio
on our way to Eisenhower's
landing site.
We've got to try
and head him off.
Communications?
General Blankenship's
priority clearance.
I have to place a call
to the theater
at Fort Russell right away!
You know something, I just feel
that there's something
just not right
about Diana Paradise.
We have a beauty contest
and she's the best looking
girl around,
now what's wrong with that?
You know what I mean,
she's just not interested
in some dumb beauty contest.
If that's the way it is,
that'll be the end of her.
Monty, I have told you,
I don't wanna hear you
talking that way anymore.
Alright, girls, let's take
a look at the costumes.
Yeah! All look fine.
You better hurry up and get into
your bathing suits.
Lola.
That costume
should be mine.
It doesn't even
look right on her.
Rita, we don't
have time for that.
They're lined up outside,
and Jack's gonna do
his warm up in 20 minutes.
Well, come on, girls,
let's get going!
Officers' Club Theater.
Diana Paradise?
Hold on.
Hello?
Hello?
Operator, we've been cut off!
The call was for me,
my Uncle George.
Uh, no personal calls,
Ms. Paradise.
No exceptions.
Well, whatever you say,
Mr. Burns.
Hey, fella,
would you lower the PA?
We're getting a little feedback
on the speakers.
'Watch it,
this thing weighs a ton.'
'If it ever came down,
somebody could get killed.'
Somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
Somebody could get killed.
'It's no use, Steve.
We still got 15 miles to go.'
'But Eisenhower's plane
is maintaining radio silence.'
'Then we've just
gotta reach him'
'before he starts
for Point Lobo.'
- 'Blankenship, here.'
- General, it's Etta.
I can't reach Diana.
They're not answering
the phone.
'Then get an MP to get you over
to the theater.'
'Tell her in person, fast!'
Yes, sir, but it'll be
too late for Diana
to do anything about anything
and she'll be worried about you
and General Eisenhower.
Oh, sir, I know
this isn't very military
but I hate a crisis situation.
'Pull yourself together, Etta.'
Yes, sir.
Over and out.
'Step on it, Steve.'
Okay, fella.
Take it up, will you?
That's it.
The place is filling up
with soldiers.
Monty, what you said
about Diana
you're not gonna
do anything, are you?
Don't worry.
It'll be over quickly.
I can't let that happen.
That's gotta be stopped, now.
That's not possible,
Lola, dear.
First, because you're
in this up to your
fast wrinkling neck
and, second,
because it's too late.
It's already started.
My men are in position by now.
'And the main attraction,
ladies and gentlemen'
for your pleasure
and for mine
your Miss GI Dream Girl.
♪ Here come our dream girls ♪
♪ Each one a pearl ♪
♪ Charming and beautiful ♪
♪ An all American girl ♪
♪ How can you pick one ♪
♪ When each little miss ♪
♪ Just can't miss ♪
♪ Here's to our dream girls ♪
♪ An all American kiss ♪
♪ How can you pick one ♪
♪ When each little miss ♪
♪ Just can't miss ♪
♪ Here's to our dream girls ♪
♪ An all American kiss ♪♪
Aren't they lovely?
They're all dream girls,
each and every one of 'em.
'His plane's already landed.'
Maybe he's still here.
We just missed him. He can't be
that far ahead of us.
I hope it's not too late.
Point Lobo doesn't respond
to our calls
that trap could be
set already.
Yes, sir, and that's something
that they will never replace
with synthetics.
'Isn't she wonderful?'
'The girls are going
to show the judges'
that they've got something
going for them besides beauty.
Me!
But seriously, folks,
this is the talent portion
of our competition.
And our next contestant
direct from New York City
the very lovely, vivacious
Ms. Betty Lou Capeletti
in her own fantasy
and dance.
Let's hear it for Betty Lou!
Where do you think
you're going?
Oh, I've gotta see
Diana Paradise.
It's a matter
of life or death.
Sorry, but you're gonna have
to wait till after the show.
Oh.
I said, after the show.
Excuse me.
Ms. Flynn.
I can't find my costume
for the number
with Mr. Wood.
It's not in my
wardrobe locker.
It's got to be.
You just had it on
in dress rehearsal.
I hate to be
the one to say it
but where is Rita
right this minute?
I mean, she doesn't have
to change until next to last.
Well, how about that
for a double jointed baby doll?
Honey, fold yourself up
and wait for me
in my glove compartment.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's my turn.
Now, I'm not gonna
get to you with beauty
but I've still got
a couple of things going for me.
This is one of them,
and this is the other.
Here I am, Mr. Wood.
It is Rita.
She's taken my place.
I may as well get ready
for the evening gown parade.
Monty, you can't
go through with this.
- You're making a mistake!
- Lola dear.
You leave me
no alternative.
See how easy it is
to get rid of you, my dear?
You can talk
about your big finish
but this is ridiculous!
'What's going on here?'
The-the Jack Wood Show
spares no expense.
'Nice to see you,
Wonder Woman'
'but I'm sorry,
I do a single.'
Mr. Wood, it is
very important
that no one leave
this theater.
I'm not gonna argue
with you, doll.
Well, you gotta admit
that this is better
than your army training films
on athlete's foot.
Oh, Wonder Woman,
am I glad to see you!
I have to find Diana Prince
to tell her
what's happened,
but she isn't here!
- What happened?
- Oh, it's terrible!
Is it Steve?
Major Trevor.
Yes. No!
Well, it's partly him.
Mostly it's about
General Eisenhower.
The sabotage was just a trick
to hide an attempt on his life!
Steve's trying to head him off
now on the road to Point Lobo.
It's Eisenhower, alright.
He's not alone.
There's a car following him.
We're being tailed, sir.
I'll try to outrun them.
They're making a run for it.
They don't know who we are!
That's Morse code, general!
T-R-E-V-O-R!
Stop the car.
Sorry to show up
this way, general
but you're heading
into an ambush.
You were funneled to
this road by sabotage.
You'll have to turn back
at once.
Out of the car, general.
We can hold our own
from this position
as long as our ammunition
holds out.
We're gonna have
to get smart, or lucky.
Look, it's Wonder Woman!
There's our luck, general.
And it never came in
a more beautiful package.
Are you alright?
If they gave merit badges
for being fantastic
you'd be an Eagle Scout
after that!
'How'd you find us?'
Well, Etta told
me what happened.
But this is not over yet.
I think Monty Burns
is behind this,
and he's escaped.
'Well, not far from here
is an MP phone box.'
As soon as we get them
to mop up here
we'll take care
of your Mr. Burns.
There! There, on the hill!
And that's the story
of what's happened here
this evening, boys and girls.
And now, since it's a beauty
contest that you've come to see
I think it's time
that you get to look
at the one and only
winner possible.
Here she is..
...Wonder Woman!
♪ Here comes our dream girl ♪
♪ She's quite a pearl ♪
♪ Charming and beautiful ♪
♪ An all American girl ♪
♪ Now that we've picked one ♪
♪ This cute little miss
just can't miss ♪♪
I still don't understand
what happened to Diana, Steve.
She was supposed to be
in the beauty contest.
Well, it's simple, Etta,
when she found out
she'd have to share the stage
with Wonder Woman
the poor kid probably
threw in the sponge.
Yeah, but what woman wouldn't?
Wonder Woman is just too much.
Yes, General Blankenship.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Thank you, sir.
Goodbye.
Monty Burns
and his entire ring
have been arraigned
in Washington.
The radar scanner's already
a smashing success.
And General Eisenhower
has nominated
Wonder Woman for
a special citation.
What about Lola Flynn?
I feel rather
sorry for her.
Her cooperation's being
considered in her favor.
But espionage during wartime
is still a very
serious offence.
But Jack Wood's trying
to get her leniency.
He's a hard man
to say no to.
Well, I'm glad.
Now, I've gotta finish these
requisition forms you requested.
We're running low
on graph paper.
Graph paper?
Is that all you can think of
after all that's happened?
'Being in a beauty contest
and meeting'
Jack Wood in person..
And the ambush
of General Eisenhower
and Wonder Woman and--
'It's no use, Etta.'
Our Diana is
strictly business.
But maybe, just maybe
one of these days
she'll get tired
of missing all the fun.
And when that happens,
I'd love to be around.
You will be, major.
That's a promise.
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All the world
is waiting for you ♪
♪ And the power you possess ♪
♪ In your satin tights ♪
♪ Fighting for your rights ♪
♪ And the old Red
White and Blue ♪
♪ Wonder Woman ♪
♪ All our hopes
are pinned upon you ♪
♪ And the magic
that you do ♪
♪ Stop a bullet cold and ♪
♪ Make the Axis fold ♪
♪ Change their minds ♪
♪ And change the world ♪
♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪