Wipeout (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Wipe-Pedia: VOL.1 - full transcript

Celebrity impersonators, helicopter pilots and shredded newlyweds walk into a bar; the team that can conquer the most challenging course in Wipeout history will take home the $25,000 prize.

Whoa!
This is wild!

No. This is "Wipeout."
Oh.

The big balls are back,
America.

I’m Nicole Byer.

And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you

to the most insane
competition show

known to man.

She got hit hard.
That’s the game of "Wipeout."

En garde!

Each week,
teams of two will compete



for their share
of the $25,000 grand prize.

The courses are crazier!

Whoo!

Yes!
Yes!

The contestants
are bendier!

That one’s gotta hurt.

And the hosts are sexier.

This body
doesn’t happen overnight.

It also doesn’t happen
by taking shirtless selfies

in the gym mirror
for 45 minutes.

Welcome back, America,
to "Wipeout"!

Hello, America,
and welcome

to another sidesplitting
episode of "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena.



And I’m Nicole Byer.

John, you must be loving
all of this comedy

after doing almost exclusively
all dramas.

I’ve done a ton of comedies.

You see "Playing with Fire"?

You know what?
I did.

But back to comedies.

I’m glad you finally
have an opportunity

to flex that muscle.

Nicole, I have so many
comedy muscles to flex.

Uhhuh.
Look.

Ooh.
Ooh!

Oh, boy!
And we’ve lost him.

Well, today, we’ve got
a new group of teams

giving their all for a chance
to win our $25,000 grand prize,

but first,
they must face the qualifier.

Ooh, you’re still going.

Oh, I’m
I can do that too.

Me too...

10 teams face
the qualifier today,

a fivepart obstacle course
behemoth.

First up, they’ll have
to choose a path

as they navigate
through the Sweep and Weep.

Then it’s a trip
up and down the stairs

of the Nutcracker.

Next up, a "Wipeout"
classic, the Big Balls.

Make it across and
grab Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that,
it’s the Body Blender.

Jump the hurdles, or get
cut down in the process.

And finally,
the players end

with the swinging
and swaying Jigglelator,

before a final leap
to the finish platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the qualifier

make it through
to the next round.

It sure takes
a lot of courage

to step into a dangerous arena
like that.

As a WWE Superstar,
I know all about that.

Oh, no.

These people are
actually getting hit.

Why don’t we take it down
to our real deal host

in the field, Camille Kostek?

Camille, who’s our first team?
Thanks, guys!

I’m here on the course
with Matthew and Dixon,

two
bartenders who actually met bartending.

Okay, so we know that we have,
like, the best legs here,

and you must have some dancing
feet to go along with it,

so when you win,
are you going to have

a little victory dance with me?
Yeah.

Are you ready for this?
I’m ready.

A little premature
for a victory dance, but okay.

Team Legs is here to slay.
Okay.

Team Legs go all the way.
Okay.

And then we’re gonna
drop down and split.

Oh!

Ooh, yay!
Teamwork!

Oh, my God!

Bartenders, huh?
Hey, if the guys

on "It’s Always Sunny"
can run a bar,

it shouldn’t be too hard

for Kegs and Legs
here to run the course.

Go!

Whoo!
Run!

Here’s Dixon serving it
up at the Sweep and Weep.

Best bar in town.

Ow!

Ow!
No!

And she starts us off
with a shot of the hard stuff.

You can do it!

Now she’s
picking up a shift

over at the Nutcracker Saloon,

where everybody
knows your name.

Ooh!

You mean, where
everybody’s nose feels pain?

Yeah, you can do it.

Right down the hatch
she goes.

You know, John,
I used to be a bartender.

Oh, yeah? Where?
Chuck E. Cheese!

That is, until I got into a
fight with a mechanical mouse.

Oh!

Oh, no!

Well, Matthew
just lost that fight

against the mechanical
sweeper arm.

Already at 3 minutes
and 16 seconds,

Kegs and Legs better move
if they want to set a high bar

for the other teams.

We should have worked out!

Speaking of which,

from bartenders
to star pretenders,

check out these two.

Don’t be another one
that bites the dust, baby!

Here we go!

They are celebrity
tribute duo,

Noah and Stephanie.

Ooh, wow;
they’re the most convincing

Super Mario
and Gwen Stefani impersonators

I have ever seen.

That’s worse
than "River of No Return"!

We are the Dream Queens.

We will not bite the dust.

The water will be the one
biting the dust.

Oh, honey, I’ve been
gearing up for this for

well, like it’s
my next big part!

Here’s fake Freddie
approaching the Big Balls.

Come to think of it,
he looks like the Soup Nazi

from that one
"Seinfeld" episode.

No!
Ooh!

Well,
no gauntlet for you.

Ooh, that reminds me.

I need to add some of these
wipeouts to our "Wipeapedia"!

Our what?

It’s where we highlight
and bank words and phrases

unique to the "Wipeout" nation.

So, for example, a spinwheel

is when a contestant does
a midair cartwheel

after being thrown
from an obstacle.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, I get it.

Like the deep impact,

when someone hits the water
so hard,

it makes a big splash.

Oh!

Exactly.

Or the Mufasa.

The saddest one.

It’s when a contestant
can’t quite hang on.

Long live the king!

Those are just a few
of the weird and wacky phrases

included
in the "Wipeapedia."

Also, if everyone watching
right now donated

just $3,

that money could go
into my bank account

as a bonus
for entertaining you weekly.

Oh, it’s less
than a cup of coffee!

Hey, stop.
Hey, wait.

The "Wipeapedia"
isn’t a fundraiser.

It is now!

Okay, well, let’s see
if our next team makes it

into the book.

Yeah, let’s see!

Go, Mom!

I’m not your mom!
What’s all this?

So, this is team
Not the Mama.

Come on, Mom!
JT and Judy.

They’re biking buddies,
and they’re both 55,

so I’m not sure why
he keeps calling her "Mom."

It’s 2021!

Whatever floats your boat!

Ooh!
Or sinks it!

Oh!

Is she his mom or not?

Come on, Mom!

I’m not your
- Ooh!

Mom!

No, John,
they’re friends.

He’s teasing her about her age,
you know?

That’s all it is,
kind of like how I tease you

about yours sometimes.

Oh, I get it.

So it’d be like
if you called me your daddy.

No!

It’s not the same thing, okay?

Come on, Nicole.

Who’s your daddy?
Stop it!

Stop it!

You’re my daddy.

Come on.
You’re a helicopter pilot.

Let’s go!
Next up,

we’ve got the thrillseeking
pilot, Jordan,

from Team Airdevils.

Nicole, can you think
of any bigger thrill

than taking on the qualifier?

Not unless Idris Elba
started an OnlyFans

that no one told me about.

Ooh! Oh!
Mayday! Mayday!

Well, at that pace,
it doesn’t look like

she’s on the highway
to the Wipeout Zone.

Guess we know
who the bottom gun is.

Oh.

What you got there, Nicole?

Oh, youth outreach, John.

"Wipeout" is great and all,

but unless we can shrink
this hour into a 1.5meg GIF,

I feel like some people
are gonna miss out!

So it’s time
for Nicole’s tip of the day!

Share at your own risk.

It’s patentpending,

so no copyright funny stuff,
Cena.

What about in China?
What about China?

I mean, copyright laws
are different.

Are they?

I’m gonna talk to you
during the break.

I can’t wait!

John Cena educates me so much.

Goodbye!

We’re just getting warmed up,
folks!

We got even more
qualifier goodness,

badness, and everything
in between this to come.

The Cena cut?

So is it longer?

No.
It’s actually smaller.

Oh.

Okay.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’re halfway
through the qualifier,

where the teams are competing
for my love.

Who will get the final rose?

You don’t have any roses,
Nicole.

Fine, we’re halfway
through the qualifier,

where our teams are competing
to give me

a $25,000 grand prize!

That’s not exactly
how this works either.

Listen, John!

I need you to stop
getting in my way, okay?

Okay. Whoa.
I didn’t know.

I’m sorry.
Please continue.

Who’s gonna reward Nicole
for carrying this show

with a vacation in Bali,

with a goldplated Bugatti,
with a personalized

"number one bad bitch"
license plate?

We’ll find out soon.

Let’s go
to the top of the course!

Go, Danielle!
John!

You never told me you had
a hot, buff grandson.

Don’t stare too hard,
Nicole.

He is very much taken.

Ooh!

How about now?
Ouch!

My name is Danielle.
And I’m Cody.

And we’re newlyweds!

I am officially married.

Check this sparkly out.

I want to use the $25,000

on a down payment on a home.

And I want to use it
for my dream honeymoon.

What did you hear
about new wives?

Uh, happy wife, happy life?

So we’re going on a honeymoon.
Honeymoon, it is!

What better place
to spend your honeymoon

than on the allinclusive
"Wipeout" resort?

First things first,
Cody got to check in

with the Sweep and Weep
concierge.

No!
Ooh!

Ooh.

They’ll lead you right
to the pool.

No!

Looks like Danielle
is treating herself

at the Nutcracker Spa.

Ooh, should have told her not
to ask for the facial massage.

Mm, no happy endings
there.

Hey, Cody’s
showing off his moves

at the Jigglelator Dance Club.

Cody, you’re married, bro!

You don’t have to do the worm
to impress girls anymore.

Oh.

The worm never
impressed girls, John.

That is not true.
All my aunts loved it.

I lost my ring.
Oh, I’ll get you another one.

He lost his ring.
Here’s your chance, Nicole.

Nah, he was cuter
with it on.

Well, with the fast time
of 7 minutes and 49 seconds,

these two could go
all the way.

I don’t know, John.

The marriage statistics
these days aren’t encouraging.

Can somebody find me
that ring, though?

You know what?
Let’s just move on.

We’re gonna friend zone
to the end zone.

From just married
to just a friend,

Tyler here went to prom
with his teammate, Jordan,

back in high school,

but my man could never quite
make it out

of the friend zone.

Let’s see if he can do it
here on "Wipeout."

You got it, Tyler!

Ah, the friend zone
must be tough.

By the way, John,
thanks for driving me

and my girlfriends
to the airport the other day.

Sure, anytime.
Ooh, what a move!

And he makes it past
the swinging door.

Oh, no, he overshoots and
he can’t stay on the platform.

So close!

Oh, my God!

Looks like
it’s back to side hugs

and brunch dates
for Tyler, here.

He is moving quick,
though.

We’ll see if he gets
another chance to impress

in the gauntlet.

Next, it’s team Juiced Up.

I’m here
with Jasmine and Rachel.

Who has a juice bar?
I do.

I’m the manager,
and we both work there.

I wish I could have
one of your juices, though.

Me too, John.
I’m feeling a little blah.

Wipeout blues
got you feeling sluggish?

This is harder
than flying a plane.

Need a little pep
in your step?

What day is it?

Or maybe just a boost

so you can take on the day?

I think I’m cramping.
Yes!

Yes, yes!
I need all those things.

Well, do I have
good news for you.

Try Qualifier Juice.

It has the cure
for what ails you.

The Sweep and Weep
will give you a little push

in the right direction.

Oh!
Ooh!

And you’ll
be riding high.

But, John,
what about protein?

I need to build my muscles.

That’s where
the Nutcracker comes in,

packing in over 3,000 grams
of protein per wallop.

Add a boost of Jigglelator
slime for that funky kick.

Mix it all together
in the Body Blender,

and there you have it.

What do you think, Camille?
Refreshing, right?

Mmm!
It’s good?

Mmhmm.

Oh, my gosh! It’s really yummy!
Get yours today!

The Wipeout Qualifier has not
been medically proven

to increase energy;
if anything, running

the "Wipeout" qualifier should
make you more tired, as it is

the biggest, baddest, sexiest
obstacle course known to man

and woman.
No refunds.

You got this!
Up next,

we’ve got the Wombmates,
Ricky and Cesar.

These two twin brothers claim
their special twin powers

will help them on the course.

Ooh,
I reckon door dodging

isn’t one of their powers.

Doesn’t look like it.

Let’s see if they’ve got
any other ones.

I’m Cesar.

And I’m Ricky.

And we are the Wombmates.

He’s older.
But I am taller.

We have twin telepathy.

What am I thinking right now?

Do the worm?
Nooh.

Oh, there we go.
Oh, there you go!

Twin telepathy.
We got this.

We are twin it to win it.

Let’s see
if their twin telepathy

can guide Ricky
across the Body Blender.

Times his jump through
the opening, andooh!

Ooh! Ouch!

You think, as a twin,

he’d be a little more skilled
at passing through openings.

Well, they’re making
pretty good time right now,

so they might be able to pass
through to the next round.

Now, from premature...
Let’s twin it to win it!

Let’s go!
To the immature.

Go!

Let’s go!
Let’s go! Let’s go!

Here’s Can’t Stay Awake
and Bake.

Oh!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay!
Up and at ’em!

Ashley, the baker here,

is always teasing
her lethargic uncle, Matt,

that he’s past his prime.

Faster!
Come on! You got it!

Pretty rude,
if you ask me.

Oh, my God!
No!

Yeah, well,
nobody asked ya, boomer.

It’s worse than I thought!

It’s so much worse.

Oh, Ballsy!

Sleepy Uncle Matt gets
a wakeup call

from the motivator.

Oh, Ballsy!

It’s Smallsy,
not Ballsy.

You oldies can never
remember names.

Look, John.

I want to root
for your brewski broski here,

but Uncle Matt has got
to pick up the pace!

He’s trying his best!
He’s just a little

Oh, strawberry frosty!
My favorite!

Hungry.
No! Do not eat that!

Oh.
Ooh! Whoo!

Well, I hope he’s thirsty too.

I hate all of you.

I have never seen
someone in a tiedye shirt

have so much angst.

Don’t let the frosting
get ya.

That’ll teach her
a lesson.

Oh, John.
Don’t be a square.

Turning up the oven temp
a few degrees

is exactly
what this baker girl needs.

Ooh.

Well, that ought
to cool her off.

Oh, you!
Hey!

I see so much
of myself in her.

Well, you’ll
be seeing more of her.

With a time of 11 minutes
and 29 seconds,

these two have snuck
into that sixth spot

and advance to the gauntlet.

Also advancing

are the oddson favorites,
Lawfully Shredded,

along with the young
and resilient Wombmates,

the Juiced Up juicers,

team Just a Friend,

and the bottom half
bombshells, Kegs and Legs.

There’s plenty more fun
to come, America,

and with $25,000 on the line,

it’s anyone’s game.

Except for the people

who didn’t make it through,
John.

You okay, my friend?

I’m not.
Oh, no.

It’s a facade.
Oh, wow.

That was a cry for help.
Oh, God.

Welcome back, America.
The qualifier is over.

We now move onto phase two of
our competition, the gauntlet.

And according to my
handydandy "Wipeopedia,"

the gauntlet is "difficult,
stubborn and tiresome."

Sounds accurate.

"But also looks great
shirtless."

Oh, wait.

I’m reading the definition
of John Cena.

How about we just tell them
how the gauntlet works?

Okay!
No more reading.

The gauntlet
will be done in two heats.

Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time

will be practically
climbing over one another,

starting at the CarousHell.

Then, it’s a footrace

through the disgusting
mud pits

and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.

And finally,
the Pummel Pool,

where the choice between
the revolving french fries

and the giant,
spinning lollipop

could make or break it all.

The first team
to have both members

cross the finish line
moves on to the Wipeout Zone.

Teams competing
in the first heat are

the Juiced Up juicers,

those beautiful newlyweds,
Lawfully Shredded,

and our leggy bartenders,
Kegs and Legs.

If anything happens,
just don’t get frustrated.

Just finish.
That’s all you got to do.

It’s time to gauntlet!

Are you ready?
- Ready!

All right, here we go!
Three, two, one.

Yeah, I’m gonna go first.

Go for it.
You got it.

Purple team,
Kegs and Legs,

had the slowest qualifier time
of this heat,

so bartender Matt would really
love to get the early lead.

I really don’t know.
Oh, my gosh.

Wait, what’s going on?

I literally don’t know.
Yeah.

Go! Go, go, go! Go!
What’s wrong with you?

No, you got it.
You got it.

Wait.
Okay, here I go.

Come on!
Move! Go!

Come on.
You got it. Go.

You want me to go?
No, no, no.

I got it. I got it. I got it.
Okay.

This is a race!
This is a race!

A race!

Make sure
you open those legs.

And these were
the fastest teams

in the qualifier?

Now we’re talking.

Blue team Cody proving
he’s not a commitmentphobe,

as the newlywed hitches
himself to the propeller.

He’s holding onto that
thing tighter than his phone

after the bachelor party.

Probably got smacked
on the head then too.

Good job!

Lawfully Shredded,
who had the fastest time

in the qualifier, could be
the favorite in heat one!

True athlete!

Cody wasting no time

getting onto the CarousHell,

butoh, he misses the bridge,

and now he’s got
to make his way back around.

But it looks like he’s
losing control of that swing.

That makes sense.

I didn’t take him
for the swinging type.

I’m waiting for you, Dee.
Really?

I believe in you.
Just hang onto it like it’s me.

Okay.

Good advice.
All right.

I think that was for me, bud.

Ooh, awkward.

Well, whether
it was meant for him or not,

Cody’s encouragement seems
to have given Matt

the motivation he needed.

You got it.
Nowyeah.

Stay down!
Stay down!

And as much
as Cody misses

hanging out with the bros,

he still wants
to keep the upper hand.

No, no, no, no, no, no!
Go!

And he stays
on the bridge

and completes the obstacle.

But he still needs
his Lawfully Shredded wife,

Danielle, to meet him there.

She better get going.
Drop on that platform.

Matt is swooping in
towards her man.

I can’t

And Matty’s strong legs
makes it!

Yes, Matthew!
Yes!

Now, the pressure is
on their teammates.

Dixon makes her move.

She wraps those powerful legs
around the propeller.

Tell me when!
When!

You got it!
You got it! You got it!

Kegs and Legs is brewing
up something here, folks.

Now, here’s a good
upper body test for Dixon.

You got it!
You got it!

Her legs absorbed
the sweeper hit,

and she plants those beauties
onto the bridge,

and Kegs and Legs
moves onto the Messy Mile.

Dixon!
Oh, my God! I want to cry!

I’m getting so emotional,
watching.

Juiced Up Jasmine
looks like

she’s finally ready
for a drop.

Ooh!

Wow!
I lost my shoe.

If they don’t
pick up the pace,

that won’t be the only thing
they lose.

The Messy Mile
seems to be

giving Kegs and Legs
a hard time.

What is this?
Oh.

That’s my own
special cocktail.

You like?

Oh, my God!
Is that a yes?

Cody is refusing
to be left alone at the altar

and turns to an important
marriage tactic, negotiation.

25K. I’ll build you that pool.

Will she be afraid
to jump in that one too?

Okay, give me five seconds,
and I’ll go.

One, two, three, four.

Here we go.

Okay, I’m just
gonna do it, I guess.

And here we go.

Uno, dos

After this one
comes back around.

And...

here we go.

Okay, I swear, on this one.
All right.

Talk about
getting cold feet.

Meanwhile, Kegs and Legs
is hyperextending their lead,

but they’re getting
a harsh taste

of what Mount Wipeout has
on draft.

All those
stair exercises paid off

as they enter
the gauntlet’s final leg,

the Pummel Pool.

Dixon, greeted
by a very stubborn customer

in the pink ball.

We got this.
Just a little stupid ball.

That’s what I said

when I didn’t get asked
to the prom.

Hang on!
Oh, no!

And that’s
what the school said

when I still showed up
and cut the lights.

Has Kegs and Legs
reached a roadblock here?

Matt is used to stepping
over bloated,

immovable objects at the bar,

but can he make it
off the table?

Yes, he can!
Way to go, Matt!

Don’t get too excited,
John.

It looks like
there’s some movement

on the other side
of the gauntlet.

All right, this is it.
This is it.

This is it.
This is it!

Oh!
Ooh!

Well, that looked every bit
as painful

as she feared it would.

All right, Cody!

It’s time to go get froyo!
I’ll see you at the car!

Ooh!
Bring some up to the booth.

What the heck?
And with that,

Danielle and Cody’s
gauntlet saga

comes to a cold
and delicious close.

Up ahead, at the Pummel Pool,
Matt leaps off the lollipop.

Oh!
Yes!

And now,
Dixon leaps on.

I’m breaking a nail.

Don’t worry, girl.
I got a spare.

Looks like Juiced Up
finally ran out of juice.

Oh, my God.
I can’t believe do it.

I can’t get on.

We’re out.

We’re out!

Sorry, Mom.
Sorry, Dad.

As the saying goes,
when life gives you lemons,

you disappoint your parents.

But Kegs and Legs
still needs

to close out their bar tab.

I’m waiting for you!

Matty’s legs look shaky.

The gauntlet has clearly
taken a toll on him.

Yes, yes, yes!

With Camille
cheering him on,

he makes it over the pink ball
and slides down to the finish.

And Dixon
is right behind him,

broken nail and all.

Get up, get up!
And they’ve done it!

You made it!

And just like that

Oh, she leaped up to here.

She just made this
an obstacle course!

Kegs and Legs are one
step away from the $25,000.

Congratulations, you guys.

You have made it
to the Wipeout Zone.

John and Nicole,
back to you guys.

Kegs and Legs are
marching into the final round

and now await
their Wipeout Zone challenger.

Up next,
three more teams

battle it out in the gauntlet.

Then, the fight for 25K is on

in our biggest and baddest
Wipeout Zone ever.

Nice!
Yeah!

Can I run the rest
of the course for fun?

Interjaculate.

Oh, that’s when you ejaculate
into a conversation.

I’m gonna use that
Excuse me.

Allow
me to interjaculate... again.

Welcome back
to "Wipeout."

We just saw team Kegs and Legs
chug their way

through the grueling gauntlet.

They’ll face off against
the winner of this next heat

in the Wipeout Zone
for a $25,000 prize.

All this talk about Kegs and
Legs brings me back to college.

Did I ever tell you
about my college experience?

I already know
how it’s gonna go.

"I was a god.
Everyone knew my name.

"It wasn’t a party until
Cena the Dreama showed up.

"Ladies loved me.

"Oh, man.

"They’re still talking about me
to this day.

Total legend."

How’d I do?

My voice does not sound
like that,

but everything else,
you nailed it.

For heat number two,

we’ve got the allegedly
telepathic Wombmates,

the baker girl
and her slumbersome uncle

on team Can’t Stay Awake
and Bake,

and the prom date pals
from team Just a Friend.

Three, two, one!

Go!

Slow and steady.

Go, Tyler!
Go, Tyler! Go!

The pink team’s Tyler
emerged from the qualifier

firmly in the friend zone
with Jordan.

Can he impress her here
by giving them an early lead?

Ooh!

The propeller bar
is just not that into him.

On the plus side,

that’s the most action
he’s gotten in a while.

Good try!

I can’t do it!

Baking is
all about timing,

so Ashley’s got this.

Oh, boy.

I thought you could do it!

Ooh!
Right off the rolling pin.

Come on, Cesar.

Here’s the Wombmate,
Cesar.

Ooh, they named
the salad after him?

All right, kids,
watch and learn

from the tried and tested
Uncle Matt.

Oh!
Oh!

Well, it looks like
Matt just woke up.

Oh! I will not be having
any more children.

You’re welcome.

Free birth control is hard
to come by.

Yeah, Cesar!
Good job, Cesar!

And Cesar is the first
to land it.

Wombmates had
the quickest qualifier time

of the heat two teams,
and now we see why

as Cesar crawls his way
forward.

Good job, Cesar!

Looking to take things
to the next level,

Just a Friend Tyler puts
the moves on the propeller.

And it looks like
Cesar has conquered

the CarousHell,
but he can’t move on

without his baby bro.
Oh, my God.

Tyler has got
some confidence going

and struts his stuff
on the swing.

Yesoh!
Oh!

He gets hit
by the sweeper bar,

but the persistence pays off
as he reaches the bridge.

But he still has
to hook up with his teammate,

Jordan, and we all know
how hard that’s been for him.

I feel good.
I feel like a ninja.

Wombmate Ricky
finally drops out

of the gauntlet womb.
Let’s go, Ricky!

John, did you know
that Scarlett Johansson

has a twin brother
named Hunter?

I did not.
Ooh!

Well, Ricky is the
Hunter Johansson of these two.

Nicole!
Oh, no! Poor thing!

Ricky will be fine,
Nicole.

No, I’m talking
about that body cam

that flew off of him.

I’ll come find you,
Camera Diaz!

Back to the race!

Uncle Matt is used
to catching Zs,

but can he catch
that spinning X

while the yellow team
still has a chance?

And he does!

Well, look who decided to
show up to the slumber party.

Hold it! Hold it!
There it is!

There it is!
You can do it! You can do it!

I should’ve filmed that!
You should’ve filmed me!

This guy sounds like
my bookie.

Speaking of, hey, John,
can I borrow 300 bucks?

I’m in a little bit
of trouble.

Uncle Matt,
just sleepwalking himself

into the cash money prize.

Hold on tight.
Attagirl! Yeah!

Now, Ashley lands
on the spinner,

and the team that barely
squeaked through the qualifier

looks like the one
showing the most life.

But they both still have
to make it

across the hellish
CarousHell.

Ooh,
and that’s dad bod

absorbing the sweeper hit,

and now, all three teams have
someone waiting on the bridge.

Who’s your daddy now?

Ew.

I don’t like that.

Can the baker girl
follow

Uncle Matt’s
CarousHell recipe?

Yes, good glance.

Yes, yes, yes!
Golet go! Yeah!

And, what do you know?

The niece and uncle underdogs

are the first team
to advance to the Messy Mile.

First team moving on
to the next obstacle.

Jordan,
the fall isn’t that bad!

Feeling the pressure,
Tyler is trying

to convince Jordan
to take the leap,

but still can’t get her
to commit.

Just hug it tight and hit it
with your crotch first.

Hmm, that line
always works for me.

Can’t Stay Awake
and Bake

had the heat turned up high

as they try to make a clean
break from the competition.

Ooh!
Well, okay.

Maybe "clean" wasn’t
the right word.

I don’t know why that dance.

The icy waters of Mount
Wipeout are a far cry from

the warm bed and warm bread
that these two are used to.

And as they reach
the top,

an even tougher challenge
awaits, the Pummel Pool.

No, please!

Uncle and niece!

Please, no!
I see you!

Uncle Matt, come to me!
I’m coming!

I’m coming!

Well, you ain’t
getting any younger.

Kelsey, Kenny, Johnny,
love you!

I’m waiting!

I love them.

Back at the CarousHell,
Wombmate Ricky

can’t bring himself
to give the swing another try.

Ricky, one pullup away!

You’re just one pullup away,
Ricky!

I don’t have
the upper body strength.

His brother
must have absorbed

all the upper body strength
in the womb.

Over at the Pummel Pool,
Ashley is at the pink ball

and does not look happy
about it.

You think she’s angry
or cold, Nicole?

It’s called "cangry,"
John.

Don’t you know anything
about women?

There you go.
She’s off.

She’s in!

I don’t hear the splash.

Ooh, good thing
baker girl Ashley

didn’t overgrease that pan.

She somehow manages
to stay on.

Can she make it
to the next landing?

Yes!
Yes!

Yes, Ashley!
Attagirl!

With hope slipping away,

Just a Friend Tyler is making
his final pitch to Jordan.

Oh, I love this part
in the movie.

Cue the rain and
the cheesy orchestra music!

If it was super hard,
I would not be trying

to coax you into it
for this long.

Look
on the bright side, Tyler.

You’re still the first person
she’d call

if she wanted to do
an Instagram photo shoot.

Back at the Pummel Pool,
sleepy Uncle Matt

needs to hop
on this tippy table

like it’s a nice,
comfy mattress.

Only this mattress
wets you!

Leading the way now,
baker girl Ashley

is going with the fries
over the lollipop.

Neither one
is her forte,

but the fries
are the warmer option.

So she was cold.
See? I know women.

Come on!
Go finish!

Ashley is on a roll now!

She goes right
for that pink ball

and slides down
the finish ramp.

Show the grownups
how it’s done, girl!

Yes!

Inspired by
the younger generation,

Uncle Matt fires up the
last bit of gas in the tank.

I’d venture to say
he’s got no problem

with having enough gas.

!
I mean, darn it.

And he makes it
to the next landing!

Yes!

He now makes quick work
of those french fries.

Clearly
not the first time.

One more big jump to go!

And Uncle Matt has found
the fountain of youth

as he glides down
that slip and slide

like he’s a kid again!

Congratulations!

You are advancing
to the Wipeout Zone!

Guys, back to you.

There it is!

Can’t Stay Awake and Bake
moves on

to fight it out
with Kegs and Legs

for the $25,000 prize.

Join John and me as we
head over to the Wipeout Zone

to see the action up close.

Strong thighs!

Uh, this is not
gonna end well.

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"
America.

Our teams are entering
the final leg of the course.

The winner will
take home $25,000,

and the loser will leave
with nothing more

than a few more muscles

and a giant load of laundry
to do.

But lucky for them,
we pay out the money prize

completely in quarters
for their convenience.

Don’t say we didn’t
think this through.

For now, there’s something
on the contestants’ mind

more urgent than detergent

the final leg of the race,
the Wipeout Zone.

We’ve made it to the top
of the mountain,

the Wipeout Zone.

This colossal course

is made up of four stages
done relaystyle,

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will get shot out

from our speeding
Silver Bullet

into freezing cold waters
below.

From there, they’ll swim
to the giant spinning Vertigo,

where they’ll attempt
to maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can leap to safety.

That’s when
they’ll tag their partner

to take on the Leap of Faith,

where they’ll have
to launch themselves

onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge

The Triple Threat.

If a contestant
can somehow make it

from one spinning hexagon
to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform

faster than their competition,

they’ll take home $25,000.

Two teams taking on
the Wipeout Zone tonight

are those lusciouslegged
bartenders, Kegs and Legs,

and the human version
of a bed and breakfast,

Can’t Stay Awake and Bake.

Matthew and Dixon
have shown that a steady pace

often does win the race,

but can Kegs and Legs
kick it into the next gear

to take home
the ultimate prize?

Three, two, one.

There she goes!
Whoo!

Dixon launched out
of the Silver Bullet.

She must now swim up
to the ramp.

Okay, Dixon!
You got this!

She’s up that ramp,
headed towards Vertigo.

She is headed
towards Vertigo,

where she must navigate
to the middle of the obstacle,

hit the button.

Then, the ramp will come down

and she can make it safely
to the other side.

Dixon making her leap,

and she did it!

Oh, yep!
Dixon’s on it!

She’s stable!
She’s stable!

Girl, you got it!
You got it!

Oh!
What’s gonna happen now?

She’s hanging in there!

Strong thighs!

Oh, my God!
Oh.

This is not gonna end well.
No!

There she goes!

I’m honestly
still thinking

about how strong
them thighs are!

They’re very fond
of their legs.

Uhhuh.

Fair warning to anyone
who dates Dixon.

Doing it again.
All right!

Then, it’sooh!
Okay.

Yes!
Let’s go!

She’s got
to hit that button.

She has a chance!
Oh! Yes!

She did! Yes!
Hit that button!

That brings the bridge
down,

and now, Dixon has just got
to land on it safely

and tag Matt.

Right now!
Try to get on top!

Dixon’s got it!

She will make
an attempt.

Yes!
She made it!

And she has to go
and tag Matthew.

Matthew must take
the Leap of Faith.

. Wait.
Ooh.

He got there and was like,
"No, not today."

Ooh, okay.

This started out
really, really gung ho.

Yes. Honestly,
I like this technique

because I love sitting.

It’s kind of like me in life.
I keep moving.

Yeah.
I’m going nowhere.

Fair.
Yeah.

Okay.
This one.

Set, go.

Nice! Nice!
He made it!

He made it.
Yes.

Get on your stomach.
Drop your head!

Ooh.
Yeah.

As not to get decapitated.

He’s gonna make a try for it
right here.

He’s gonna try for it.

Okay!
Nice!

He hung on!
He made it!

He goes through
the Loop of Faith.

Nice!
Nice, nice, nice!

And now, going
to the Triple Threat.

Uhhuh.
And then, he’s through.

Yeah, there he goes.

He makes it
onto that first hexagon.

They call this
the Triple Threat because,

Nicole, there are
three threats.

Oh, my gosh.

Two more threats to go
to the finish platform.

Yes. Yes!
He’s there.

Okay. Yeah.
Yep, yep, yep, yep!

Okay, let’s see
if he makes it to the third.

One more to go!
One more!

25,000 within your grasp!
Yeah!

Yeah!
Is this good or distracting?

Oh!

Oh!
Hang on, man!

Hang on!
Okay, yeah.

Hang on, hang on, hang on!
All right, Matthew!

Big jump, Matthew!
Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, my goodness!

Hang on! Hang on!

Oh!
I can’t!

Hang on!
Use your little feet!

I can’t!
Nope, nope!

I felt

I felt, like, for a moment,

I was Rose on the door
in the "Titanic."

Truly. Yes.
Don’t ever let go.

Yes,
Matthew is back up!

He looks even more exhausted,

as if we went on a second date.

Here we go, Matthew!
Here we go!

Let’s do it!

Perfect!
Now, connect!

Let’s see
if Matthew jumps.

He jumps.
Good job.

He’s holding on.
He’s stabilized.

One more threat to go.
One more.

I know you can do it.
You are strong!

He’s going for it.

Whoo!
He’s hanging on there.

25,000 on the line!

We’re rooting for you.
Nice!

Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Nice!
Yes!

Nice!
Yeah!

Yeah!

Yes, baby!
Yes!

That’s right!
There you go!

Yeah!
All right!

Yes! You go. Take your...
Okay, see you later!

Don’t want to interact with us?
I feel you!

We were promised
a victory dance!

We were promised
a victory dance.

Kegs and Legs completes
the Wipeout Zone

in a cool 19 minutes
and 46 seconds.

Will Can’t Stay Awake
and Bake top them?

Find out next.

Welcome back, America.

We’re here
in the Wipeout Zone,

as our two final teams
face off

for the $25,000 prize.

John, I am so excited
to see who wins!

I’ve really tried my best

to stay off social media
to avoid spoilers.

Oh, uh,
it hasn’t happened yet.

The second team still needs
to do the Wipeout Zone.

Earlier, we saw Kegs and Legs
finish the Wipeout Zone

with a time of 19 minutes
and 46 seconds.

Not the fastest time,
but it may be enough

to beat Can’t Stay Awake
and Bake,

who barely squeaked
through the qualifier

and caught some lucky breaks
on the gauntlet.

The 25K is still very much
in play, folks.

I don’t think even
Ashley and Uncle Matt expected

to make it to this point.

Can these two underdogs
shock us one last time

and pull off
the ultimate upset?

Let’s find out.

Come on, baby!

Three, two, one.

Oh, my God!

Launched!

And a big splash!

Very big splash.

I love
a good underdog story.

Me too.
I just love dogs in general.

How does Matt seem
to look tired already?

He might have
finally run out of gas.

Somebody get him some beans.

First part is done!

Only one to go.
You got this!

Take your time, dude.
Take your time.

Right there.
Don’t move.

John Cena!

How are you, boss?
Oh, wow.

Matt, I’m a big fan!

No, I’m your big fan!

Waiting for you to get
through the Vertigo.

Can he not see me?

Am I, like, lit?
Come on!

Uncle Matt familiarizing
himself with the Vertigo.

Oh!
There you go!

You’ve got to make it
to the middle.

I don’t know
if he realizes that.

Will Matt make it
to the middle?

He’s
he’s at the middle.

Can he hit the button?
He did!

He did.
And the ramp comes down.

And now, all he’s got to do
oh, this could be bad.

This could be bad.

This could be bad!
Ooh! Okay.

He’s hanging in there.
Saved himself.

Yeah, he does not
look graceful at all,

but he is effective.

No, not a dancer.

Do you think that
I don’t know.

Yeah, yeah!
He’s totally gonna

Nope!
Oh!

Ooh.

Ooh, baby.

That was a long fall.
Yeah, truly.

That was a long fall.
Like, he fell a long

I’m still really upset

that I was not waved to.

Hi, Matt!

Oh, he doesn’t know my name.

We’re rooting for you, Matt!

John Cena is rooting for you,

and so is this
anonymous Black lady!

All right.
Good start! Good start!

Matt is back
on the Vertigo.

And remember,
if it takes him more

than a total of 10 minutes
to finish the obstacle,

he gets timed out,
and his teammate, Ashley,

will continue
to run the relay.

All right.
Get your angle right.

Start turning.
Ooh.

He’s gonna need
to really make this.

Ooh.

Aw, that was a
Dang.

That’s one we’re gonna want
to watch again.

He made it.
Uhhuh.

And then, he didn’t make it.
Yep.

Learn the host’s name
and say hello to her.

Revenge is
a cold, cold water.

Ooh, it sure is.

At the bottom
of a twostory fall.

Ooh, yeah.

Well, this doesn’t
bode well for them.

Matt has officially
timed out of his 10 minutes.

Not looking good.

Which means that portion
of the course is finished,

and his partner, Ashley,
now can take the Leap of Faith!

No, no, no!
Oh, my goodness.

And... she missed it.

Like, there was
She just missed it.

Yes, Ashley was

She whiffed.
Yeah.

Ashley is lining up
for her next attempt.

Ooh, yes!
She made it!

She did!
You made it!

Yes, Ashley!
Whoa!

You absolutely
crushed it!

Yes! That was sick.
You crushed it! Yeah!

Another person
who doesn’t know who I am.

Now, the Triple Threat.
Here we go!

Go get it, kid.
Go finish!

All right.
Attagirl! Catch your breath!

Remember, Can’t Stay
Awake and Bake has to beat

the Kegs and Legs’ time
of 19 minutes and 46 seconds.

This might sound crazy,
but Ashley and Uncle Matt

might actually pull this off!

Yes! This is so exciting!
Wow! Okay!

I mean, you can do this!
Oh, no!

You can

That
that looked like it hurt.

Oh, I just want
I wanted it to happen.

Almost there, babe.
Almost there.

Okay, Ashley is back
on that first threat

looking determined.

Backpedal a little more.

Wait till that one
comes down to you.

I love
the family teamwork here.

Man, she has such
a great strategy,

like bending herself
around the obstacles.

Oof. Yes.

Ashley, you got this.
You got this!

One more!
One more to go!

Jump!

Yes!
Yes!

Fantastic job!
Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Congratulations!

You won $25,000!

Heart truly won out tonight,
folks,

as Can’t Stay Awake and Bake
went from underdog to top dog,

and Ashley and Uncle Matt
are going home

as "Wipeout" winners
and $25,000 richer.

They were so much fun.

John, will you be
my Uncle Matt?

Sure, Nicole.

That’s it, America.

Another episode of "Wipeout"
is in the books.

And if you don’t believe us,
check your books!

It’s in there,
in all of them books.

Join us next week, when a
fresh new batch of contestants

will be competing here
for a $25,000 prize.

Until then, I’m John Cena.

And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byer

saying good night
and big balls.