Wipeout (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 17 - Go! Fight! Kiss! - full transcript

John and Nicole's Kids, Bubble Tea Baristas and black belts face off against extreme obstacles like the Hoop Hopper and iconic Big Balls.

Whoa! This is wild.

Nope. This is "Wipeout."
Oh.

Ah!

The "Big Balls" are back,
America.

I’m Nicole Byer.
And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you

to the most insane
competition show known to man.

Oh!

She got hit hard, but that’s
the game of "Wipeout."

Ole!

Each week, teams of two
will compete



for their share
of the $25,000 grand prize.

The courses are crazier.

Ahh!
The contestants are bendier.

That one’s gotta hurt.

And the hosts are sexier.

Beauty and brawn, brains
and brawn, funny and brawn.

Don’t set their expectations
too high, Nicole.

What if we don’t deliver?

Welcome back, America,
to "Wipeout"!

Hello, America.
I’m John Cena.

And I’m Nicole Byer.

And we are back with
another episode of the show

that normalized bouncing
on big balls,

"Wipeout."
"The Golden Girls."



I meant "Wipeout,"
but "Golden Girls" works, too.

Those old bags got around.

Yeah. Bea Arthur
could get it.

Back to this show, we’ve got
a whole new batch of teams here

to compete
for that $25,000 grand prize,

and it all starts
with the "Qualifier."

Our teams will face
the "Qualifier" today,

a fivepart obstacle
course behemoth.

First, they’ll need to jump
through our spinning rings

at the "Hoop Hopper."
Then they’ll have to

keep their balance
at "Rumble Road."

Next up,
a "Wipeout" classic,

the "Big Balls."

Make it across and grab
Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that,
it’s the "Body Blender."

Jump the hurdles or get
cut down in the process.

And finally, the players end
with the swinging

and swaying "Jigglelator"

before a final leap
to the finish platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the "Qualifier"

make it through
to the next round.

All right. Let’s check in
with the third Golden Girl,

the Dorothy to my Blanche,
Camille Kostek.

I’m Rose.
She’s with our first team,

and probably didn’t get
those references.

I’m Rose.
Okay.

Thanks, guys. I’m down here
with Jessie and Jamie.

Welcome to "Wipeout."

Thank you.
John and Nicole are watching

and listening.

Is there anything
you want to say to them?

Hi, Mom and Dad.
No.

Is John your dad?

Oh, I thought you meant
my mom and dad.

Hi, kids.
Hi, kids.

I explicitly told you not

to let
Jessie and Jamie on the show.

You know I can’t say
no to them,

and doing the course is
on their dream boards.

We will talk about this
when we get home.

For now, I guess our kids
are running the course.

Look at her run.

Sometimes, you just have to
let your child

spread their wings and crash
into a giant rotating hoop.

I blame myself, Nicole.

Proper hoop jumping starts
in the home.

Maybe she’ll do better here.

Remember when I gave
them the talk?

Unfortunately.

They had so many questions
about the "Big Balls,"

and I said step on ’em,
bounce on ’em,

flip on ’em, then take a bath.

Attagirl!

That didn’t go as planned.

Don’t antagonize
your sister, Jamie.

John and Nicole,
it must be so hard

watching
your kids go through this.

I mean, I guess. Oh!

Oh, those were harder

than I thought
they were going to be.

It’s okay.
I always tell the girls,

"having
your legs bent backwards

over your head
builds character."

You’re killing it.

Jamie’s turn
for the "Body Blender."

Through the hoop, and this
is why she’s the favorite.

Oh, my God. How?

Now, John,
the "Body Blender"

doesn’t play favorites.

Jamie reciting Rob
Kardashian’s personal mantra.

You know,
it’s every mother’s dream

to see her daughters
fail miserably

at a competition show
she hosts.

I can’t even look
at their time.

12:45 is not great.
John and Nicole,

we have a very special
bumper sticker for you.

Aw, "My kids ’Wipeout’ better
than your kids."

So cute. Oh, my gosh.

I’ll definitely be
throwing this

on the back of
the family station wagon.

Yeah, ’cause
there’s no way in hell

it’s going on my Mercedes.
Okay?

Who’s next?

Don’t make me
mess up my makeup.

This is Sharon and Teresa,

our oldest competitors
to date,

and they’re here to prove
that age is just a number.

Go, go, go!

So are we witnessing
a midlife crisis?

Maybe "Wipeout" was
on their bucket list.

Or maybe they came
for the free face lift.

Let’s go, Sharon! Let’s go!
Well, it seems like Roseanne

has made her way back
to television.

If Sharon hasn’t had
work done before,

she definitely will now.

Teresa taking off
from "Rumble Road"

like she’s trying to beat
the dinner rush at Bob Evans.

Run!
Ooh!

Tried to cling to the platform

like it was
her fleeting youth.

Oh, my God.
Come on, you old lady!

Sharon approaching
the "Big Balls,"

which Camille found out she
was no stranger to earlier.

What have you guys done

to prepare
for the "Wipeout" course?

Okay, so we have
balls at home.

You don’t have
to brag, ladies.

Okay, so we bought half
balls,

and they’re
in my living room.

Tell me you jumped
across them.

I did.
Yes.

No way!
We did.

Sharon about to find out

if all that practice at home
is gonna pay off.

Oh, my God!

She hasn’t seen
balls this big

since her fling
with Wilt Chamberlain.

Come on, Sharon! Let’s go!

That’s not fair.
I want those balls!

Just because we’re the oldest
doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

That’s the spirit!
You’re young at heart.

Yeah. We respect
our elders here at "Wipeout."

Move that fat butt!
I’m tired!

Even if they don’t
respect each other.

Despite the bickering,
Young at Heart

is moving at a faster clip
than our kids,

and could sneak into
the "Gauntlet."

Who’s next?

Oh, my God.
I can’t swim that well.

Just don’t wipe out,
and you’ll be fine.

Go, Rachel!
This is roller skater,

Rachel, and her partner,
Cailynn.

They call themselves
"Snaccs on Wheels."

Whoo! Oh!

Funny that they call
themselves snacks,

’cause she just ate it.
Whoa!

She did a great job of
getting her feet

on the platform, the rest
of her body, not so much.

But she pops
right out the water,

and is now onto "Rumble Road."

The platform dips her, and
Ooh, ooh!

Yes.

Even she can’t believe
she made that.

John, she just Supermanned
that platform.

Falling in the water
definitely lubed her up

and helped her
with that slide.

All right. Would all
the gentlemen exit

the "Body Blender,"

because it’s time
for ladies skate.

Aah!

I mean, it’s time
for backwards skate.

Holy.

John,
you’re creeping me out.

Oh, sorry.
My uncle owns a roller rink

I mean, used to.

Hey, Snaccs on Wheels
is making

pretty good time
here so far.

They could be skating
onto the "Gauntlet."

Man, I’m so tired.
I’m out of breath.

I realized
I’m a mouth breather.

If only YouTube commenters

had that level
of selfawareness.

I can’t.

While they skate on,
let’s see who’s up next.

Back at the "Hoop Hopper,"

we’ve got bubble tea barista
siblings, Danielle and Dwight.

Oh!
Hang on!

Oh.
Ooh!

Ouch! Danielle’s like taro.
I have no idea what it is,

or how it got here,
but it’s in our drink.

Barista Danielle, about to
serve up a giant bubble tea

in our "Big Balls."

Come on, Dan.

Typical barista, taking her
sweet old time up the ramp.

Order up!

And this is what you get

for spelling my name wrong
every single time.

It’s Nicole Byer,
not "Garypleasewhoever

keepstaking
mydrinkpleasestop."

Oh.

Well, now that we’ve done
the bubble "Big Balls,"

time for Dwight to mix them up
at the "Body Blender."

Well, if he’s anything
like my bubble tea barista,

a mixup
should be his specialty.

Up onto the bar, and
Hang on!

And just like my barista,
Jefferson, he cuts out early.

You can definitely tell these
two are siblings, though.

Hang on!

Well if they keep up
their current pace,

they should be able to hang
onto a spot in the "Gauntlet."

Now let’s go to Camille,

with a pair
of fashion design students

with just one thing
on their mindnoodz.

Ooh!
Not those kind of noodz.

Oh. Who’s casting this show?

First, we love ramen.
Okay.

Like, you know,
it’s our thing.

That’s where we met. That’s
where our friendship began.

Oh, you guys became friends
over your love for Ramen.

Yeah.
Exactly.

I understand now.

Just like how John
and Nic Cage

became friends
over their movie premieres

being held
at the same Redbox kiosk.

Ramen is going to be
waiting at the end of it.

Yeah, definitely.

Oh, oh. I got it.
That’s where we’re racing to.

That’s my job. Okay, perfect.
I’ve got the ramen.

I’ll just kind of waft
the smell to you guys.

Exactly.

It will encourage you
to come in.

Exactly.
Tes, come on! Whoo!

Ramenese to Tesfon.
Absolutely flipping

for a chance
at Camille’s noodz.

John, there’s got to be
a better way to say that.

Your noodles are waiting.

Yani at the "Jiggleator,"
keeping her eyes on the prize.

I gotta say,
these guys have heart.

I know you want that ramen
at the end of the finish line.

Yani to her feet, and
You got it.

Commits a bit of
a faux pas.

I believe it’s
pronounced, "pho."

We have ramen
for you, too, Tes.

Come on, Tes.

Tesfon, taking off.
Oh, no.

Narrowly avoids
the "Smack Wall."

Come on, Tes. Let’s go.

No one has made
this jump yet.

Come on, Tes!

I don’t know what’s harder,
the "Jiggleator"

or eating soup
with chopsticks.

Ramen is waiting.
As Tesfon makes his way

towards the finish platform,

he and Yani come into
the second fastest time

so far, of 8:32.

Got your time.
Thank you.

Ew, they’re dripping
into their Ramen.

They should dry off.

They don’t want
their noodz leaking.

That was the last one,
I promise.

Okay. Would you really
Bea Arthur?

That’s not the last
of the "Qualifier."

We’ve got a handful
of contestants

still waiting
to take their shot...

Go, go!
At the $25,000.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

You like pea soup?

When made well,
I think it’s very tasty.

Not a soup person.

I think soup is for lazy
people, who are, like,

trying to drink their food.

I’m not here for it.
Chew like a real person.

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"
America. I’m John Cena.

And I’m Nicole Byer.
But if you want to call us

by our super couple name,
it’s "Nicon."

What? I thought we agreed
on "Jicole?"

Oh, honey.
When I asked for your opinion,

I wasn’t actually asking
for your opinion.

I just wanted you to feel like
your voice was being heard.

Okay, but now I really
don’t feel like my voice...

Let’s get back
to the "Qualifier."

Is being heard.

Guys, I’m down here
with Bradley and Eric.

Welcome to "Wipeout," you guys.
How you feeling?

One sec.
Okay.

One sec.
I’m going to wait.

Get this side.

Get the good light. Yep.
There we go.

Love it. Perfect. All righty.
All right. You all set?

All set.

Okay. How do you guys
know each other?

We’re dating.
You’re dating.

We’ve been going out
for five years now.

Wow.
We met on a dating app,

so our whole relationship
has pretty much been online.

John, these two are so cute.

They’re definitely

Love me a good hashtag.
I use ’em all the time.

You know, I’m just impressed

that you don’t
call them pound signs.

I did until about a year ago.
Ugh.

And Eric is off

to the "Hoop Hopper."

Always nice when a partner
tells you what they like.

Andoh, so close.
Pay attention, John.

Bradley is definitely

Go, go, go. You got it.
You got it. You got it.

Ooh.
Oh.

Go, go. You got it.
You got it.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, no!

Ohh!
John, watch.

Even though Bradley
is getting smacked around,

he still manages
to strike a pose

for his followers on the
’Gram.

Whoo!
Come on. You’re doing great.

Ooh!
Oh.

Motivated,
but regains his balance.

You got it, babe. You got it.
He jumps, clings on.

Oh, but slides off.

Okay. I think I got
the hang of this.

Hashtag Bradley was hesitant
to take on the Big Balls,

but he got a little motivation
from them.

Um, why don’t we just
cool it

with the hashtags for now?

And you don’t actually
have to spell "hashtag."

Whatevs. With their clock
approaching eight minutes

and two obstacles to go,

"Gauntlet" may be just out of
their reach.

You’re doing so good.
I love you. There you go.

At least they’ve
got each other.

Now, let’s move on
from the happy couple to...

Caroline, come on!
Oh,

Whatever the hell this is.
We just started.

This is Jeremy and his
notgirlfriend, Caroline.

Ow.
Hurry up! Come on!

They’ve been seeing each
other for over a year,

but he says he won’t commit

because he’s allergic
to her cat.

Bro, come on.
I’m not buying it.

Cat Girl Caroline, sinking
her claws into "Rumble Road."

Oh.
Caroline, come on, bro.

You worked out. Let’s go.

I may be wrong,
but screaming at her

and calling her "bro"
may not be

the best motivation technique.

I have a really good
feeling about this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Getting a little motivation
of his own,

but can’t commit
to the "Big Balls."

Gotta love it, John.

Playboy getting a taste
of his own medicine.

Jeremy, come on, bro.
You worked out, bro.

Why don’t you make
it official, bro?

Okay.
I think he learned his lesson.

Caroline, hurry up.
Nope.

I think he’s allergic
to learning lessons.

Maybe he’ll change if they
make it to the "Gauntlet."

For now, let’s go to Camille,

who’s with our last team
of the day,

black belts Vincent
and Jemenas.

Whoo!
Yes!

How’s it going?
I love this.

How do you guys
know each other?

We actually met
through our dojo.

Do you guys ever spar
with each other?

Yeah.
Absolutely, all the time.

We can actually, like,
demonstrate

a little bit, if you want.
Yeah, we could show you.

I would love nothing more.
Please, take it away.

All right.
Cool, okay.

Let’s do it.

Woah!
I did not see that coming.

They’re fighting
and kissing!

Remind you of your
wrestling days?

More than I care
to remember.

You know what
this show needs, John?

An ’80s karate music montage.

I couldn’t agree more.

Go, go! Whoo!

Go, fight, kiss
This is your big shot

So don’t you miss

Give it all you’ve got

Use your weight
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, boy.
Hiyah!

But don’t give up
the fight

Hey, look
Camille is kicking stuff

Bad guys, watch your back

Her name is still
hangin’ tough

And, ohh.

Hiyah!

To go, fight, kiss

Oh, my God.
That’s slippery.

You got it.
You have jumping skills.

Go, fight, kiss
This is, like,

the size of me!

This is your final test

Go, fight, kiss

Ooh!
And you want to be best

Go, fight, kiss

Karate Kiss comes in
with a time of 7:30.

Which is good enough for the
second fastest

time of the day.

They’ll be moving
onto the "Gauntlet."

This kissing karate masters,
kissing in the end zone.

Joining Karate Kiss
in the "Gauntlet"

will be
the Bubble Tea Baristas,

who had
the fastest time of the day.

Also, the Ramenistas,
Snaccs on Wheels,

Cat Girl and Playboy
and Young at Heart.

The road to
the "Wipeout Zone"

goes through the "Gauntlet,"

and it is fired up
and ready to go.

What animal do you think
would do best on the course?

One of the iguana breeds.
Okay.

Because they can swim and
they can jump

like a son of a gun.
I’m thinking opossum.

Wait, a raccoon.
Who has hands?

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"
everybody.

The "Gauntlet"
is almost underway,

and the qualifying round is,

as they say,
in the history books.

We’re kicking off this
"Gauntlet,"

where teams go headtohead

in their quest
for that cool 25k.

Let’s see what
they’re up against.

The "Gauntlet" will be done
in two heats.

Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time,

will be practically
climbing over one another

starting at the "CarousHell."

Then it’s a foot race
through the disgusting mud

pits and slippery slopes
of the "Messy Mile."

And finally,
the "Pummel Pool,"

where the choice between
the revolving French fries

and the giant
spinning lollipop

could make or break it all.

The first team to have both
members cross the finish line

moves on to
the "Wipeout Zone."

Let’s see who’s up in our
first heat of the "Gauntlet."

The teams competing
in the first heat

are the Bubble Tea Baristas.

Cat Girl and Playboy.
And the Ramenistas.

Bloopers?

"Wipeout" is one
giant blooper reel.

Otherwise the show would be,
like, five minutes long.

Are you ready for
the "Gauntlet"?

Three, two, one.

There’s the horn

as everyone gingerly
makes their way to the edge.

You know what they say?
You only live once.

I believe the youngsters
say "YOLO."

Oh, John. Please don’t.

Ramenista Tesfon
makes it off

the spinner
and on to the platform.

Inspiring his fellow
noodle lover, Yani,

who ends up in hot water.

Whoo.
Oh, wow.

Playboy Jeremy smoothly
lands and makes it across.

I did it.

See what you can accomplish
when you commit, Jeremy?

Let’s go!
Ramenista Tesfon has chosen

to tangle with the dangler.

Yes,
and he makes it across.

He’s making this
look too easy.

Let’s go, Kate! I’m not
leaving here without you.

That was cute.

Not that cute, Camille.

She’s his ride.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

And Yani lands.
Now at a precarious angle,

but manages
to hold on and makes it.

Yes! Yes, Yani!

Uhoh, Yani is feeling
some feelings right now.

And the course is an empath.

This is just great.

You made it, Yani. It’s okay.
Take your time. There you go.

Hug it. Wrap your arms.

Yani, still feeling some
type of way manages to grab

that dangler by the dangler,
and she makes it across.

Yes.
Yeah! Yes! We got it.

Okay. We can take our time.
We got this.

Famous last words.

Not taking their time are
the Bubble Tea Baristas.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Danielle successfully
makes it past the spinner.

Good. Good. Good. Hold on.

Back at the propeller,
Cat Girl Caroline

successfully lands,
while her partner Jeremy

cruises past the sweeper bar
and makes it safely across.

So much for "I’m not
leaving here without you."

Let’s go, baby. You got it.
You got it. Hold on.

Ah!
Ooh!

Well, Danielle just learned

that dangler plus sweeper bar
equals Wipeout.

Ugh, God, I hate math.

Well, Dwight manages
to solve the problem

and he makes it across.

Cat Girl Caroline rejects
the dangler and opts

to put a ring on it.

If only Playboy Jeremy would
adhere

to Beyonce’s wise words.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ah, she makes it,

and Cat Girl and Playboy
are together again, for now.

Wipe your nose. You got
boogers and everywhere.

You did good.

People are coming, okay?
Come on.

Up ahead, Yani and Tesfon

are getting drenched
at Mount Wipeout.

Desperately clinging
onto their lead

like a noodle clings
to the side of a bowl,

or your Snuggie.

I’m a messy eater.

Cat Girl and Playboy
are in hot pursuit.

Playing a little cat and
mouse you could even say.

What is this "Fear Factor"?
No, Jeremy.

This is "Wipeout,"
but both shows were produced

by the same very smart,
very handsome man.

Kiss ass.
Jump into the water.

But up ahead,
Yani and Tasfon

drop into the pummel pool

and are trying to hold on
to their lead.

Dwight and Danielle
are bringing up the rear,

but with Cat Girl and Playboy
just ahead at Mount Wipeout,

this is still
very much a competition.

We got time.
We got them.

Come on. We got to catch up.
Can you please go?

Let’s jump together.
No. No. I’m through.

Let’s jump together.
Don’t trust him, Cat Girl.

You know you’re not the only
one he’s jumped

in the pummel pool with.

This is actually
his 10th episode of "Wipeout."

One, two, three.
As they jump in,

Tesfon makes it across
the first section

of the pummel pool.
Brian and Danielle have made

it to the top of Mount Wipeout.

You know what I say,
it’s truly anybody’s game.

She really does
always say that.

There you go.
There you go, Carrie.

And Cat Girl sticks
to that pink ball

like a cat to a laser beam.

This is why you don’t declaw
Cat Girls, people.

Playboy not wasting
any time.

Yes. He makes it across.
Goes for the high five,

but is rejected
by the Ramenista.

How does it feel, Jeremy?

And after trailing behind,

Bubble Tea Boy
makes it across as well.

And now, Danielle is
giving it a try.

Look at that.
Blue is catching up.

We got all three teams on
the same part of the course.

Closest "Gauntlet" ever.

Which one you want to do,
this one or this one?

The "Gauntlet’s" pivotal
decision, fries or lollipop?

And Dwight has landed
on the lollipop.

What the?

But he didn’t
anticipate its velocity,

and he’s thrown.

Caroline is taking it one
step at a time,

and with Jeremy’s loving
grasp, she makes it.

Look at these two just
spooning on the platform.

Hey, get a room.

There you go.
Ramenista Yani going for it

and makes it past the pink
ball and the tippy table,

but pink has to hurry if they
want to retake their lead.

There is a Cat Girl
at the fries and

Ooh!

Oh, my God, gets slapped.
Carrie, you’re halfway there.

Ah!
Ouch.

And gets taken out
by the fries.

Just like when she goes out
with Jeremy,

the fries make her pay.

Tesfon joins Playboy Jeremy
on the lollipop.

Come on, Tes.

Wastes no time.
He jumps, lands...

Whoo, Tes!

And he mightyes!

He’s the first player
to cross the finish line.

Oh, wow!

Dwight is hot on his trail,

crossing the finish line
just moments later.

Let’s go, ZZ.
Oh!

Cat Girl can’t dig her claws
into the Lollipop or Jeremy.

Here comes Danielle.
The first partner to join

their other teammate
in the winner’s circle

is going straight
to the "Wipeout Zone."

Who is it gonna be?

It’s spinning so fast.

You’ve gotta go soon or else
your arms gonna give out.

Oh, my God.
I can’t even move.

Danielle gets up, jumps.

Does she? She does!
She lands it! Yes.

Yes! Yes!

In a classic "Wipeout"
turn of events,

the team that was behind

for most of the course
has pulled ahead.

If Danielle can make
this last jump,

the Bubble Tea Baristas
will be

headed to the "Wipeout Zone."
Hold on.

It’s your last jump.
Whoo!

There it is. There it is.
You did it.

Congratulations,
Dwight and Danielle.

I am sending you off
to that "Wipeout Zone."

I can’t believe
I just did that.

I’m excited.

Wow.
Believe it, Danielle.

The Bubble Tea Baristas
are moving on.

We’ll find out
who will join them

in the second heat
of the "Gauntlet."

Then the "Wipeout Zone"

and 25,000 big ones
on the line.

Face your fears.
You can do this!

You can!

They’re hardcore, though.
Don’t get close to a raccoon.

Really?
Don’tmy God, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I had an accident.
This was in ’85.

Oh, no.
Rabies scare.

’85, huh, I wasn’t even
a thought yet.

Welcome back, America.
I’m John Cena.

I’m Nicole Byer,
and this is, um

"Wipeout."
"Wipeout."

Oh, sorry, John.
I have eight podcasts,

three shows,
two situationships,

plus a breakfast cereal
in the works.

Okay, America,

it’s time for a nice
lukewarm bowl of Nicoleios!

Uh, the second heat
of the "Gauntlet."

The second heat of
the "Gauntlet."

Lukewarm cereal?
Yummy.

Teams competing
in this "Gauntlet" round

are Karate Kiss,
going in for a French one.

Yeah, on this heat.
Young at Heart.

And the selfproclaimed
Snaccs on Wheels.

Okay, on my count:
three, two, one.

There’s the horn,

and the contestants are ready
and raring to go.

Karate Kiss Vincent says,

"There is no fear
in this ’Gauntlet,’"

and drops into
the first landing.

Do it. Do it. Do it.
No. I can’t do it.

Ready, set, go.
I’m not ready to do it.

Ready, set, go.
Young at Heart argue

about who’s gonna
take off first.

Go. I’m too scared.

I guess they call it
menopause for a reason.

They’re never gonna go.

It’s Teresa.

She hit the bar harder than
the candy she offers visitors.

Vincent wasting no time,
grabs the handlebars,

raises his knees
to avoid a body blow

by our spinning nubchucks
numchucks?

Nunchuks. Nunchuks?
Ehh, karate sticks.

Young Sharon
hoping to beat the dinner rush

takes the ride over
to the landing.

Snacc Rachel duplicates

her drop, and
Oh, my God. Yes!

Just like when she conquered
"Rumble Road,"

she is surprised
she succeeded at an obstacle.

You go this, babe.
Oh,.

And the You Got This Karate
Kiss of Death strikes again.

It’s the curse of "Wipeout."
Watch.

Young Teresa, you got this.

You got this. You got this.

Snacc Caitlin, you got this.
You got this. You got this.

John, you got this.

Ahh!

Hey. Ballsy is down here.
Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

Babe, just take your time.
Just slide off.

Make sure it’s right
underneath you.

Karate Vincent playing
sensei, passes on to Jemena

all the ways of
the "CarousHell."

Oh, my God. I did it!
And she lands.

You did it. You did it.
Oh, my God.

Karate Kiss Jemena drops
and hugs the platform.

Former beauty queen,
Young Sharon,

grabs on to the dangler.

You think that’s how she won
all those pageants?

Gets a little tap
on the behind,

but holds on and makes it.

Oh, my God.
Come on, wrecking ball.

Yes, Snacc Rachel.
Get your Miley on.

Imagine the dangler is
a Hemsworth, and don’t let go.

Oh, this could be bad.

Yep.
Must have been imagining Luke.

He’s just so short.
It’s not that bad.

It’s okay. You’re good.

Karate Jemena finally
grabs a ring

and heeds the words
of her partner.

Lift your legs. Okay.

Don’t let go. Don’t let go.
There you go. You did it.

Okay. We can go.
We can go. We can go.

Let’s go. Let’s go.
Great teamwork.

Karate Kiss is the first team

to make it through
the "CarousHell."

But no time for PDA,

because they’re moving on
to the "Messy Mile."

Oh, my God.

Jemena and Vincent are in
the mud taking the lead.

Keep going. Keep going.

Snacc Rachel gets a little
banged up by the sweeper bar.

She reaches the platform.

Caitlin dives in
to help her teammate,

and Snaccs on Wheels
is moving on.

Oh, my God. We did it.

Karate Kiss’ lead grows
smaller by the second.

Ah!
They’re shooting stuff at us.

Wait. That’s not fair.
That’s cheating.

It’s not cheating.
That’s cheating!

I bet she goes to the kind
of dojo where everyone gets

a participation trophy.
Ahh!

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Snaccs having a little
trouble in the mouseholes.

Well, they better hurry up
because age is catching up

to them as Young at Heart
have made it through.

You’re doing good.
Meanwhile, Karate Kiss

are hoping to find some
enlightenment

on Mount Wipeout.
Hurry. They’re catching up.

They’re catching up.
She’s not kidding.

Snaccs on Wheels
and Young at Heart

are in lockstep
with one another.

Okay. Ready? I’m going.

Vincent and Jemena exit
Mount Wipeout

and enter the pummel pool.

Rachel and Caitlin
are scaling Mount Wipeout.

Sharon and Teresa
right behind them.

Now what the
do we do?

Jump on in, girls.
The water’s fine.

What do I do?

Well, first you need
to not panic.

Jump as hard as you can.
I’m scared.

Well, this is 25,000.
We got this. Just jump.

If you fall off,
we try it again.

Karate Jemena jumps
and slides off.

Ooh.

You guys caught up.

Vincent realizing his lead
is gone, takes off

and joins his sparring partner
in the pool.

Too many people,
too little balls.

Whoo!
Caitlin gets ramped up...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Only to be wiped out.

Back on the big pink ball,

Jemena has a chance to put
Karate Kiss back in the lead.

You did it, babe. Good job.

Balance is her best friend
right now.

Oh, no, no.

Nice, babe.
Go, climb, climb, climb.

What do I do?

Just do forward.
You’re going to angle downward.

It’s too long.

I could make a joke here,
but I won’t.

Just do it, baby.

Floats like
a whiny butterfly,

stings like a whiny bee.

She’s got it.
Whoo!

And Vincent wasting no time
joining her.

I don’t know what I want.

But now, they have
a decision to make

fries or lollipop?

Ugh. This is gonna
take her forever.

But not Vincent, as he
attacks the lollipop.

He can’t hold on.

Young Teresa getting
her balance on the pink ball.

Yes, Teresa.
Leaps and

Oh, boy. She’s getting
too old for this.

Karate Jemena is still
struggling with her next move.

No. None of them are easy.
That’s the point.

This is the Gauntlet,
not "The Bachelor."

While Jemena struggles
with her decision,

Snacc Caitlin commits
and just barely makes it.

Ah! There’s so much lube on
me, I don’t even know how to

Who raided my dressing room
before the show?

Gah!
Meanwhile, Snacc Rachel

rollbounces
into another Wipeout.

Yeah, you guys,
I think we’re done.

And Young at Heart looks
like they’re turning in early.

I justI cant.
I’m shaking too much.

I’m going French fries.

Faced with his own
tough decision,

Vincent chooses
to give the fries a taste.

Ooh. Oh, wow!

And, yes,
that was the right choice.

I haven’t seen footwork
this impressive

since I got toe implants.

That’s why you started
wearing sandals to work.

Holy!

All I know is
Karate Kiss Vincent

is the first to make it
through the Gauntlet.

About time I see somebody!

Snacc Caitlin, oh!

Taken out
by a surprise snack attack.

Whoo! Yeah!

If Jemena can just make it
through the fries,

she and Vincent will be inches
away from the Wipeout zone.

You got this, babe. Wipeout!

He told her to wipeout.

It’s so crazy,
it might work.

It did.
Whoo!

Jump to the next one.

You got it, girl!

Young at Heart
beats fast, John.

Whoo!
Oh, my God!

And Jemena’s
is probably pounding

after making it
through the fries.

Jemena needs to make
one last leap.

You got this.
The hose means nothing. Jump.

Into the winner’s circle.

Karate Kiss is moving on
to the Wipeout zone.

Come on. Come on. Come on.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Congratulations.

You’re moving on
to the Wipeout zone.

You’re going to
the championship, baby.

Oh, my God. Oh, yes!
Yes!

Can someone come get us?

Vincent and Jemena
are moving on

after an artistically
martial victory.

They’ll be hoping to prove
they’re the best around

against the Bubble Tea
Baristas Dwight and Danielle.

$25,000 is on the line,

and the Wipeout zone
is just moments away.

Oh, but will she
Oh, no. Ooh. Ow.

Nope.

She’s the size
of an Olson Twin.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena, and with me
as always, Nicole Byer.

I think I was supposed to
read that, Nicole.

Yeah, I know.

I was just showing you
how to do it, Cena.

You know what?
I got to say something.

I am tired
of carrying this show.

Give it a try.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."
I’m John Cena.

You know what? Mmmm.

Never mind. Just stand there
and look pretty.

I got this.
We’re in the Wipeout zone,

where two teams
are competing for $25,000.

Let’s do this!

See? I’m great.

We’ve made it to the top
of the mountain:

the Wipeout zone.

This colossal course

is made up of four stages
done relay style,

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will get shot out

from our
Speeding Silver Bullet

into freezingcold
waters below.

From there, they’ll swim
to the giant Spinning Vertigo,

where they’ll attempt to
maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can lead to safety.

That’s when they’ll tag
their partner

to take on the Leap Of Faith,

where they’ll have
to launch themself

onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge.

The Triple Threat.

If a contestant
can somehow make it

from one spinning hexagon
to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform

faster
than their competition,

they’ll take home $25,000.

We got a hot one
in the Wipeout zone tonight

as the Bubble Tea Baristas,
Dwight and Danielle,

will be facing off
against "Wipeout’s" itcouple:

Jemena and Vincent
of Karate Kiss.

The Baristas are up first,

and Danielle is taking
the first leg of the relay,

so let’s get this show
on the road.

Three, two, one.

Danielle gets launched
150 feet in the air.

Her feet touch her head.

I think we call
that a scorpion.

Danielle climbs up the ramp
to tackle Vertigo,

where she has to get
to the middle, hit the button.

The ramp comes down
on the other side.

She must then safely leap
to said ramp,

tag her partner in
for the rest of the course.

Yes. And I like these orange
sneakers that she ruined.

She really is taking a moment.

Stares down Vertigo
for the first time.

I don’t know if I can do it.

Come on, dude.
Just choose one.

Just choose one.

Left platform is about
2 1/2 stories up,

and she’s afraid
of heights and ledges.

She’s inching forward.

Oh, oh!

It’s so fast.
I don’t think I can do it.

You can see how afraid
Danielle is.

Dan, you got to go.

Danielle?
Excuse me, Danielle?

Excuse me? Hey, Danielle?
Is she answering?

Danielle is frozen with fear.

Face your fears!
Hi!

You can do this.
You can!

Oh, my. I can’t do it.
Just try it.

I can’t, DD.
Yes, you can. Just jump.

And now, Nicole,

Danielle has ten minutes
to complete Vertigo.

Should she not,
you’ll hear a horn sound.

Uhhuh.
When that does,

that means she’s timed out
of this portion of the course.

That will then
release the Dwight.

Uhhuh.
And Dwight can run

for hopefully a faster time
to finish the course.

Dan, just go. You’re thinking
about it too much.

You’ve got to jump. Just jump.

But I don’t think
she’s gonna do it.

Danielle has been statuesque.

You can see,
Dwight has already given up.

He is facing
the Leap Of Faith.

He knows
his time is coming up.

All right.

That means that she has
run out of time

to complete her obstacle,
freeing Dwight

to run his leg of the course.

He’s really gonna
have to hurry up

to make up for some time.

Here comes Dwight.
There goes Dwight.

Oh! Dwight, Dwight, Dwight.

I’ll tell you,
I can’t be mad at that.

No.
Dwight jumped.

Dwight tried.
Yup.

And Dwight is going
to try again.

He tries the
Leap Of Faith again.

There’s his leap.
He’s in the zone.

There you go, Dwight.
Yeah, Dwight!

All he has to do is safely
leap to the platform.

There he goes, which he does.

Yeah, baby!
All right, Dwight.

You guys are still
looking good.

Triple Threat and the finish
platform for 25,000 bucks.

And he goes right into it,
right in, planning a strategy.

Wow. Oh!

He is trying to make up
some time right here.

The exact opposite
of what Danielle did.

And Dwight and Danielle
are siblings,

but they are nothing alike.

Boy, gosh.

Isn’t that the case
for most siblings?

I’m nothing like my sister.
She’s very small and quiet

and loves Jesus, and I’m big,
fat and love to.

Let’s see
what Dwight does next.

Yeah, DD!
One more jump.

And he’s got himself set up.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

His helmet blocks his vision
a little bit, but here we go.

Yes, yes, yes, okay.
He’s set.

He’s got to make it,
and he does!

Yes! Yes!
A sliding first finish!

Whoo!

Awesome. Great job, Dwight.
Thank you.

Strong second half,
my friend.

Truly.
You and Danielle finished

with a time of 14:56,

and we just got to see
if Jemena and Vincent

will beat it.

You had your work
cut out for you. You did great.

So the Bubble Tea Baristas
serve up the time to beat

with 14:56,
but Karate Kiss is up next.

We’ll see if they can keep
their hands off each other

long enough
to take on $25,000.

Welcome back to
the Wipeout zone.

We’ve already
reached the climax.

Whoohoohoo,
speak for yourself, John.

It takes more than
four athletic individuals

and a few big balls
to get me there.

Uhh
Oh, who am I kidding?

It’s exactly what it takes.
Let’s take a look

at the leaderboard
to see what’s happening.

We just saw
the Bubble Tea Baristas

set the time to beat,
with 14:56

Now, it’s Karate Kiss’ turn
to take on the Zone.

Let’s head down
to the Silver Bullet,

where Jemena is set to take
on her leg of the race.

All right. Here they go.

Three, two, one.

Launched into the chilly
waters of Lake Wipeout.

She stuck the landing.

Oh, my God. She really flew.

But now, she has
to tackle Vertigo.

Get to the middle,
hit the button,

the ramp comes down
the other side.

Oh, my God. She’s the size
of an Olson Twin.

Yes, 4’10".
What?

She just threw her arms
and went, "What?"

Oh, God. Oh,.

Oh, my God.
Wait. I’m so scared.

You got this.
Oh, ooh.

Ah!
Uhoh. Welp, she’s on it.

Oh, oh!
Good job, babe.

You’re at the center.
You’re at the center.

Wow.
She’soh, she’s there.

All she has to do
is hit the button.

Hit it! Hit it!
Are her arms long enough?

Oh, no.
Her arms are too tiny.

It’s like a hamster.
She’s got it.

She presses the button.

Ooh, wow.
Down comes that bridge.

Yes. Oh, but will she
Oh, no. Ooh. Ow.

Oh.
You know what it’s like

to be up there.
Oh, yeah.

Keep going, babe. Swing back.

You got the border down.
You got this.

She did hit the button.
The ramp is down.

She got there pretty quick,
but I don’t know

if it was strategy
or an accident.

I think it was an accident.

Totally. She lost her
footing,

fell through and landed
right on that button.

I’m so scared.
You can do it, babe.

You already did it once.

Yup, she’s gonna go for it.

Yeah, okay. She’s on there.

Good job, babe.

Given her height,
she does have an easier chance

of manipulating around.
She’s gotta jump.

She’s gotta jump.
She’s gonna jump.

She’s gonna jump.

Ahh!
And she made it.

Yes!
Oh, yes!

Oh, my God.
Tagged to Vincent.

Oh.
And a kiss,

as all lovers should do.
Wow.

That was a fantastic,
warm "Wipeout" moment.

That was a slap in the face
to me to remind me

that I’m still single, huh.

And now Vincent stares down
the Leap Of Faith.

Uhoh.
Vincent holds on

and manages
to navigate the Leap Of Faith.

There’s a Triple Threat
between them and $25,000.

All right.
Wow.

Let’s see if you
can do it, man.

Oh, thank you, John.
I got this.

You got this!
Yeah, you do.

He’s got it all: a relationship
and John Cena cheering for him.

Vincent is still
taking his time.

Yes.
He’s off, and he’s away.

Ohh, oh!

It’s the second obstacle.
Wow.

Moving like a cat.
Truly, meow.

Moving like a Karate Tiger.
He has a chance.

Hiyah!

A giant Leap Of Faith
coming up, and he stays dry!

A wipeout as Vincent
has crushed the Wipeout zone!

Vincent clears the Wipeout zone
without even wiping out.

Nice, very nice.

That is nice.
Ah! We did it! We did it!

Oh, ha, ha! I guess "Wipeout"
just turned to "Makeout."

Yes, and everyone
is making out but me.

You’re in the makeout zone.
Hey, you did great.

Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, my God.

The time to beat was 14:56.

And you absolutely
obliterated it,

coming it at 5:04.

And because of your efforts,
you’ve won the Wipeout zone,

and you’ve won $25,000.
Yeah!

Yeah!
Whoo!

Oh, more?
Oh, no more kissing.

They’re gonna do it.
I think they’re gonna do it.

Oh, are they?
Are they gonna kiss?

Are they gonna kiss?
Will they kiss? Will they?

You’d think this is when we’d
put romantic scoring behind it.

Yes.
You did such a good job.

We did it.

I was so scared, dude.
You did.

We did it.
Oh, yes!

Oh, wow. That’s nice.
A fantastic end.

You took on the zone

And you made it your own

The other teams
must have missed

But there’s only one thing
left to do

It’s go fight

Go, fight, kiss

And that does it for
another episode of "Wipeout."

Check, please.
John, this is a competition

show, not a restaurant.
Oui, monsieur. Right away.

Well, I’ll be damned.
I hope you leave a good tip.

Here’s a tip.
We’ll be back next week

with new contestants
and $25,000 on the line.

Mm, that better not be it.
Oh, right, 25%?

Make it 30. You’re famous.

For John Cena
and Camille Kostek,

I’m Nicole Byer saying
good night and big balls!