Wipeout (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 16 - Smooching Cena - full transcript

Two bros looking to smooch Cena, a pair of too cool moms, a few natural born winners, and more compete in the wipeout zone.

Hey, America,
you want big balls?

Oh, we got big balls.
Let’s go, baby!

Ah!

I’m Nicole Byer.
And I’m John Cena.

Oh!
Ahh!

We’ll be your guides through
the craziest competition...

Oh, my God!
Show on the planet.

Tonight, we’ve got
the funniest...

I’m gonna pee in my pants!

Simple as that.
Duh.

Fun Moms rock the house!



Cringiest
competitors ever...

Boopboop, boopboop.
Wipeout, wipeout!

And whatever this is...

I want John Cena’s mouth
on mine so bad.

All competing
for the $25,000 grand prize.

Standing in their way
are three of the most intense

and intimidating courses
ever assembled:

The qualifier...

My testicles are in my mouth.
The gauntlet...

Over the bar!
Oh!

And the Wipeout Zone.
Go!

What never gets old
is watching bodies fly, ahh!

Come on, you gotta go.
She’s getting tired, yeah.

Nobody is really ready
for the Wipeout Zone.



I’m gonna cry.
This is difficult.

Yeah, that’s
an understatement.

Do I have to walk on this?

Hold on
to your obstacles, America.

You got two jumps.
$25,000 on the line.

Can he do it?

The wipeouts start now.

Oh no, ooh!
Ooh, you hate to see that.

I don’t hate to see that.
Hello, America.

It’s time for a brandnew
episode of "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena, alongside
the luminous Nicole Byer.

Ooh, I love it
when you use vocabulary words

to describe me, John!

Today, a new batch
of luminescent teams

will be competing for $25,000.

First up, they gotta take
on the qualifier,

which can be pretty
luminescent, if you ask me.

Oh, okay, so someone bought
you a word of the day calendar?

You know it.

Our teams today
will first try to run

past Face Time with Nicole.

Good luck dodging
my cohost’s heavy hammer.

Then, the Slosh
Bucket Basher,

where they’ll take the
scariest bath of their lives.

Next up, our pride and joy,
the Big Balls.

Make it across and knock
off Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that, the InstaSlam,
where they’ll need to ride,

weave,
and leap across

without losing their footing
or their followers.

And lastly,
the spinetingling finale,

Backboned.

If you step on a crack,
you’ll end up on your back.

The six fastest teams
to reach the finish platform

will make it through
to the next round.

Let’s throw it over
to our cohost, Camille Kostek,

a woman who can be described
only as...

Don’t say it.

Emitting light not
caused by heat.

You know what,
I’ll give that one to you.

Tyler and Cole,
welcome to "Wipeout."

How you doing today?
Whoo!

Oh!

Oh, butt slaps.

It’s all love.

Okay, who’s idea was it
to come on the show?

His idea.
It was mine kinda.

John Cena is my boy.
Oh.

If I could kiss John Cena,
I think I

You would kiss John Cena?
Oh, on the spot.

John?

If I kissed every contestant
that wanted to kiss me,

I’d never not have mono.

Please do it.

So after you kiss John
on the cheek,

are you gonna give him
a little smack

on the butt
like you keep giving Cole?

Can I?
I mean, that’s your choice.

Yeah, you kidding?
I feel like

You know how strong
his glutes are?

I just want
to get a butt slap count

from this whole interview.

At least four.

John, they’re trying to win
so they can kiss you.

Come on, I’m sure
they don’t really mean it.

I want to kiss John Cena!

You sure about that?
- Yeah!

We’re up to six butt slaps.

Place your bets at home,
how many will we see today?

My money’s on too many.

Cole comes screaming
out the gate.

Oh!

But gets blocked
by my kisser.

Come on, Ty, let’s go, baby!

Tyler sprints right
past Nicole, and ooh!

Ooh!

Which does not count for those
of you keeping score at home.

Let’s see if he can keep
that momentum.

Oh!

Played D1 college volleyball.

Don’t change
the subject, John.

They’re coming for you.

Move that sweet butt,
and you can slap this one!

I don’t know if they’re just
excited to meet you, John,

but they’re on a
recordsetting pace right now.

Eh, people really like me.
Come on!

And now Cole’s on his way
to the Big Balls.

But first, there it is,
butt slap number seven.

Think fast!

Cole’s trying
to slap Smallsy’s butt,

even though
I don’t think he has one.

I’m calling HR.

Come on, Ty!

Ooh.

Come on, baby!

Can’t believe how fast
they’re moving

through this course.

And they’re already up
to ten butt slaps.

Let’s go, baby!
I want to kiss John!

Oohhoohoo!

Oh no.

I can feel
a butt slap coming.

Let’s go!

Yep, I didn’t even
finish saying it.

Oh!
Oh!

Now Tyler throws up a
Hail Mary at the last second.

Yes!
Okay, hit the showers, boys.

Come here!

Come on, baby!
Yeah!

I guess you really want
that kiss from John

because you just set
a course record

for 4 minutes
and 13 seconds.

Yeah!
Come on!

We’re coming for Johnny Boy!
Let’s go, baby, Johnny!

Who’s next?

Who are selfproclaimed
"Wipeout" superfans.

Your outfits are telling me
you’re excited.

This is, like,
a life dream of ours.

I want to say I love
it so much, but I’m missing.

We seem
to have lost Camille.

And now, we return to our
regularly scheduled program.

You got this, go!
I’m trying!

It’s Miller Time as she gets
foamy in the Slosh Bucket.

Stop, I’m gonna pee
in my pants!

She’s ready
to put herself out there.

Oh!
Ooh!

And she gets rejected
big time.

I’m gonna pee in my pants!
I’m gonna pee!

Go, Bradley!

Bradley heads
into Face Time and...

Ah!

Nicole gives her
a solid meet and greet.

I wonder if she’s
a little starstruck.

Eesh!
Oh, my God!

Let’s see if she can
outdo her sister here.

Oh!

There’s zero chance
she didn’t pee on that one.

Bradley!

That’s so much harder
than it seems on TV.

Oh, girl, everything’s harder
than it looks on TV,

marrying someone after 90 days,
finding love on an island,

cooking beef Wellington

while Gordon Ramsey
calls you an idiot sandwich.

They got it, Nicole.
It’s very hard.

Up next, we got childhood
friends Robert and Kio.

Gundam!
Whoo!

Anime.

Anime?
Yes.

That’s definitely a new one.

Let’s see if they’re up
for a fight.

I’m an anime fan, whoo!
What’s up?

Kio versus Face Time.

Go, queen!
Go, Kio!

Ooh!
Ouch.

Whoo!

Kio makes her way
into the Slosh Bucket Basher.

Slosh Bucket Basher sounds

like an amazing
anime character.

Animake it!

Kio, listen to your partner.

You must make this jump.

Do the Slosh Bucket.

I’m gravely disappointed.

Show your ninja spirit!

Will Robert be
spirited away?

That’s an anime thing, right?

Sounds right to me.

The anime community’s
probably like, "No.

You’re not
representing us correctly."

My failure is
a great dishonor.

Let’s see if our next team
has a firmer grip on reality.

A mother and son who love
going to concerts together.

Talk to me about
a crazy experience

with the two of you
at a concert.

Probably smoking out
with Snoop Dogg.

What?

Probably not
my best mom moment.

And you’re like,
"That’s my mom, Snoop.

She’s cool."

Snoop, you never
called me back!

Call her back!

Nicole, have you ever
partied with Snoop?

A lady never puffs and tells.

Here comes cool mom Linda.

Are you sure
Snoop’s not my dad?

She avoids Nicole’s face,
but she can’t get high enough.

Snoop’s never gonna call you
back like this!

I wonder
if Snoop remembers her.

I wonder if Snoop
remembers anything.

Run, run!
Seth hits up Backboned and

Oh!

I hope you’re able
to have babies after that!

Ow, geez.

Oh!

Whoa!

Backboned dropped her
like she was hot.

You said this was
gonna be fun.

Oh, Linda, fun for us.

With a hazy time
of 10 minutes and 5 seconds,

their gauntlet hopes
may be up in smoke.

Beautiful.
I can’t feel my face.

Is that the same thing

you said
after you partied with Snoop?

Pretty much, yeah.

Who’s next?
We’re Natural Born Winners!

And we’re God’s gift
to "Wipeout."

Natural Born Winners?

Yeah.
That’s a strong statement.

No, yeah, yeah, I already had
a vision about this.

I already had a dream.

So it’s like,
it’s gonna happen.

We’re great at everything.
Simple as that.

Simple at that, duh.

Go, baby, go!

Rarely do we see
a team this cocky.

Go!

But here’s their chance
to back it up.

Ooh.

If they’re really
God’s gift to "Wipeout,"

I hope God got
the gift receipt.

You got it!

Sitali heads
into the Slosh Bucket

and gets a face full
of reality.

Ahh!
I can’t see!

It’s in her eyes, John.

How is she gonna
have a vision?

Come on!
You got it!

Oh, Sitali wiped out,
but can Matthew do better?

Go!

Does God’s gift to "Wipeout"

have a higher power
working for him?

Oh!

He’s hanging on,
but he’s in trouble.

Wow!

John, what are you
God’s gift to?

Probably people
who own supplement companies.

Yeah, I can’t believe

you spend 40K a month
at The Vitamin Shoppe.

It’d be a lot less

if I could just remember
to bring those damn coupons.

I’ve always wanted
to do this, ahh!

Like the gift
from God he is,

Matt literally walks across the
water to get to baby Smallsy.

Whoo!
I did it, I did it!

Missed me, loser.

I hate to admit it,
but Natural Born Winners

are starting
to back up that swagger.

Yeah, but Backboned has
a way of humbling everyone.

Oh!

Ouch.

Ahh!
It’s all right.

We won!

You won?
What do you mean?

That’s my job.
We won!

They probably shouldn’t be
declaring victory.

With a time of 7 minutes
and 18 seconds,

these two big talkers
have a good chance

of being God’s gift
to the gauntlet.

Coming up...
Wipeout!

Ahh!

And later...

Anybody’s game
in the gauntlet.

I want to kiss John Cena!

Make it to the Wipeout Zone,
and you can see me.

Then it’s the Wipeout Zone.
Oh!

Quick decision to make.

Oh!
A crushing setback.

Support us and become VIP member
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Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We are moments away

from kicking off
the qualifier part two.

Yes, and just like
"The Princess Diaries 2:

Royal Engagement,"

this sequel is
worth checking out.

I’ve never seen that.
Nobody has, except for me.

37 times,
and it’ll be 38 tonight.

Let’s head down to the course.

You lonely?

Yes.

Who rocks the house?

Fun Moms rock the house.

And when the Fun Moms
rock the house.

Rock it all the way...
- Down!

Wipeout, wipeout.

Boopboop, boopboop,
boopboop.

Wipeout, wipeout.

Hm.

Between the two of us,
we have nine children.

What?
I have four.

I have five.
No way!

Yes.

Okay, you guys are cool moms.

Hashtag...
- Funmoms.

Oh, oh, hashtag...
- Funmoms.

Yes.

Depending on
which website you’re on.

Run!

Katie hesitates
to get past me.

Oh!
Ooh, I put her in timeout.

You waited too long!

A fun mom, to me, is a mom
who lets you have freedom.

You didn’t have to wait

until you’re 16
to have your driver’s license.

That’s not a fun mom.
That’s a criminal.

Maybe I shouldn’t say that.
Oh, she’s going.

Ooh.

Whoo!

That was impressive.
I love it, I love it!

Whoo!

That’s time.
Fun Moms, Fun Moms!

With time of 6 minutes
and 41 seconds,

we just might see the Fun Moms
again in the gauntlet.

Whoo!

What’s harder, the Wipeout
course or being in labor?

Oh my gosh, labor.
I don’t know, labor.

Labor.
Next up...

Scuba!
Scuba!

Whoo!

I don’t know if they’re gonna
allow scuba gear,

but can you talk
to me about it?

It’s a fun activity that we
like to do on the weekends.

Really?
Mmhmm.

Are you professional
scuba divers?

No, no.
No.

We’re aerospace engineers.

Oh, space engineers!
Mmhmm.

Are aliens real?
Yes.

I knew it.
Have you met any?

I have not.

I can’t say I have, no.

That explains a lot.

I’m sure this engineer has his
launch angles all calculated.

Distance equalsinitial
heightanglemaximum force.

Oh!
Ooh!

I think he forgot
to carry the one.

John, what’s
your favorite planet?

Don’t say
Uranus.

Of course.

Colin heads
to the Big Balls,

or should I say
the red giants?

Oh!

Oh, and he falls
out of orbit.

Oohhoo!

Will the stars align
for Charlie on Backboned?

Oh!
Looks like he’s a Scorpio.

Today’s horoscope
predicts pain.

While we do some
calculations of our own to see

if the rocket scientists
qualified for the gauntlet...

We have to see
how your competition did.

Can’t wait.

Let’s meet the next team,

who prepared
by playing video games.

You actually learn a lot
from video games, like timing.

We’re gonna use that knowledge

to get us
through the obstacle course.

Okay, video game knowledge.
I like it.

It’s like a reallife video
game, and you’re the players.

Yeah.

Akeem enters the Big Balls.

Come on, Akeem, let’s go!

Ugh.

He went straight
down the drain!

He might want to enter
the Konami code next time.

They’ve only got
one life left now.

It’s all up to Edith.

She takes control
at the final level, Backboned.

Here she goes.

Oh, shoot!
Ooh.

Good luck telling your mom

video games aren’t violent
after that run.

Wipeout!

Pull out the cartridge
and blow in it.

You did it!

But these 8Bitters
put up a time

of 9 minutes and 48 seconds.

I tried to use what I do
in the game on here.

But it just didn’t work out.

What if there were
some video game

people controlling you on this?

Might be just puppets
on a string.

Did I just blow your mind?

A little bit.

While they continue
to see the Matrix,

let’s move on to our final
team of the qualifier.

Buckeyes, Ohio!
Browns, Cleveland Browns!

Football, baby!
Whoo!

Okay, so how do you
two know each other?

We met on a dating app,
living out here in California.

And then we realized
we live five doors

down from each other,

and we’re actually
both from Ohio.

What?
Yeah.

Crazy.
Meant to be.

A modern love story, see?
It could happen for you.

OH.
IO.

OHOhiokay.
Oh, wow.

Come on, Nate!

Oh!

Nate from Ohio gets Buckeyed
right out of the gate.

Let’s go!

Danya comes straight
out of Dayton.

Wow!

Move over, LeBron.
Ohio belongs to Danya now.

That was for Ohio, baby!
Let’s go!

Danya moves on
to the Slosh Bucket.

OH!
IO!

I went to a bar in Columbus
called the Slosh Bucket.

Ahh!
OH!

OHIO!

Go, team, go!

That was really good.
Was it good?

Eh.
It felt good.

Come on, Nate!

Nate moves on
to the Big Balls.

He’s flying over those things

like most people fly
right over Ohio.

And he picks up Smallsy
on his way.

That’s how we do it in Ohio!
Yeah, baby!

That’s an extra $250.
Easy money.

Danya’s about
to get inducted

into the Rock and Roll
Ball of Fame.

Let’s go!
She gets across.

They both just conquered
the Big Balls!

Ohio, the Big Ball Lovers.

They’re from the Midwest,
but their time

puts them near the top
with 5 minutes and 7 seconds,

which if my math is correct,
that means...

You’re moving on
to the gauntlet!

Whoo!

Let’s go!
Congratulations.

OH.
We love you, Ohio!

Ohio, whoo!

Let’s go!
This is for you!

Joining Team Ohio
in the gauntlet

will be our fastest team
of the day,

the Kiss Ups,
followed by

Rocket Scientists,

the Natural Born Winners,
and 8Bitters.

Coming up...

No!
Ahh!

We’re God’s gift
to "Wipeout"!

Just like being on Twitter.

Then...

Welcome to the mother
of all Wipeout Zones.

Whoo!

How did this even happen?

No, aww!

What’s your favorite movie?

"Blazing Saddles"
is really good.

Never seen it.
Aww.

What’s your
secondfavorite movie?

I love "Airplane!"
Never seen it.

"Caddyshack."
Never seen it.

"Animal House."
Never seen it.

Aww,.
I am just old.

I know.
That sucks.

So old.
Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’re about to dive

into the best part
of this show, the gauntlet.

It’s the middle
of the cinnamon roll,

the filet of the mignon,
the M&Ms in the trail mix.

It is the
It’s the good part, people.

That’s what
we’re trying to say here.

The gauntlet will be done
in two heats.

In each heat, three teams
will begin at the same time,

each one trying desperately
to escape the Gravitron

from hell, the Dizzy Dummy.

Then, the Revolver.

Two waterslides lead
to a rotating platform

and a leap of faith
back to solid ground.

Finally, the Spun & Done.
Enter on green, exit on red.

And don’t let the sweeper bar
go over your head.

The first time
to have both members

standing on the finish
platform will move on

to the Wipeout Zone.

Ooh, I love the gauntlet.

Me too, and today’s race
is all about love.

We have Nate
and Danya doing it

for their home state of Ohio.

And there’s
Matthew and Sitali.

They really love themselves.

And finally, the Kiss Ups,
Tyler and Cole,

who really love competing.

What are you talking about?
They’re only here to kiss you.

Cena, me, and you,
kissing in the finals.

Let’s get this kiss.
Come on!

Two things stand
in their way,

a restraining order I’m
drafting up and the gauntlet.

This?
Yeah.

Camille cranking the
Dizzy Dummy up to turbo speed.

Oh, my gosh.

All right,
don’t open your eyes.

Dumb idea.

We’re God’s gift
to "Wipeout"!

Three!

I can’t really see.
Two!

Holy
One!

And the gauntlet
is underway.

We’re gonna win!

Wait for it, babyno, no!

Oh.
Oh!

The Kiss Ups get rejected.

I’m sure they’re nice guys,

but I don’t think my wife is
gonna like it if they win.

Maybe not, but I would.
Go, Kiss Ups!

Come on, Nate!

Nate makes Ohio proud
and sticks the landing.

We’re the best!

Natural Born Winners

still feeling pretty good
about themselves.

We’ve already won!

Ooh!

Ahh!
Oh!

Sitali, weighed down by her
own hubris, takes the fall.

It’s up to Matthew here to
keep the winning streak alive.

Matthew, get that big head
in the game and hang on.

Yeah!

Nate from Ohio ready
to take on Revolver.

Come on, Nate!

Can he do it?

Ooh!

Ohinoo.

Come on, babe!

Matthew,
show us how it’s done.

Oh!
We’re supposed to win!

I should have been
more specific.

Jump, baby, jump!

Sitali is through as well.

Hold my hand right here.

The Kiss Ups have their eye
on the prize,

and John, you’re the prize.

Yeah, baby!
Oh no.

Yes.

Come on.
Down, down, down!

Yes, come on, Ty!

You’re good, Danya,
you’re good.

All three teams have made it
to the Revolver.

Their falls
on the Dizzy Dummy

may have shaken
Sitali’s confidence.

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Is she still God’s gift
to the Revolver?

Nope.

Oh, my God!
That was one weird wipeout.

Ooh, nice timing.
Good timing!

Oh, bad timing.

Tyler’s ready
for the Revolver.

He’s got that look
in his eyes.

I know that look.
I’ve given that look.

I am in trouble.

Come on.
Go, baby, go!

Please, no.

Oh, baby!

Yes, that’s my boy.

He made it?
Oh, I’m all lubey right now.

Hey, Tyler.

John Cena just asked
to borrow my Chapstick.

I want John Cena’s mouth
on mine so bad.

Come on, Cole.
Wingman up and help your boy!

Run, run, run, run, run!
Come on!

Yes, yes, yes!

Okay, this is getting real,
for me.

Yeah!

The pink team just
butt slapped their way

into the Spun & Done.

Come on!

Enter on the green dot,
climb over the sweeper bars,

and exit from the red dot.

Come on, Ty.
Get off the green.

Tyler’s running in reverse
towards the exit, smart man.

That hurt.

Back at the Revolver, Nate
and Danya plan their approach.

Go, like, right when
it’s perpendicular.

Now, baby.
Go, jump now!

Whew, whew!

The strategy worked
for Danya.

Can Nate time it right
as well?

So far, so good.
Whoo!

Yes, they’ll join
the Kiss Ups on Spun & Done.

That’s how we do it
in Ohio, baby, let’s go!

Our Natural Born Winners
are looking

like natural born losers
in third place.

Whoo!

After all that big talk,

they better make something
happen here.

Matthew makes it across.
Let’s go!

In his mind,
that happened hours ago.

We got it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Sitali ignoring Matthew
like she ignores reality.

Oh, go!

Jump, jump, jump, jump!
Let’s go!

And it pays off!

All three teams have made it
to the Spun & Done.

It’s anybody’s game
in the gauntlet.

That’s right, the Kiss Ups

may have set a course
record in the qualifier,

but everyone’s
on equal footing now.

Cole tries to find a path
through the middle.

Ahh!

He misses the exit,
but manages to hold on!

Come on!
Aww, yeah!

I think I have to go over it.
I think you run inside.

Danya from Ohio can’t decide
where to go.

I need her to make a move
before Cole does.

Get up,
you’re gonna jump the next one!

No!
Yes!

Go over the bar next time.

All right, Danya,
now’s your chance!

Do it for me!

Here’s a chance
for Natural Born Winners

to live up to their name
once and for all.

Let’s go, baby!

Tyler’s out there now trying
his luck through the middle,

while Matthew is staying on
the outside of the obstacle.

Ooh!

Nate hops on behind Sitali,

sizing up the sweeper bar,
and...

Oh!
No!

I think we just
broke God’s gift.

The bar is not done yet.

Ouch!

That was an insane sequence
of events.

Tyler and Cole,
the only two standing.

Ooh!
Well, sort of standing.

Fortunately for me,

they’re spent,
and resting in the middle.

They just keep butt slapping
in the middle

of the Spun & Done.

That’s never been done before.

We’ve got the Kiss Ups
stuck in the middle,

Team Ohio
stuck in the water,

and Sitali just got stuck
on the Scorpion Hall of Fame.

Cole and Tyler, please,
stay where you are.

Ooh, they look exhausted.

I wonder what they’re thinking
about to find the motivation.

Tyler, make it to the Wipeout
Zone, and you can see me.

I want to kiss John Cena!

He leaps over one bar...
Uhoh.

Flies over another, and
flips into the finish line.

Now he only needs Cole
to join him

in the winner’s circle,

Yay!
Here goes my boy.

I can’t watch!

The Kiss Ups have both
crossed the finish line.

Ugh.
It’s all over.

I should have gone for that.

Come on!

That was a winning butt slap.
How you feeling?

We’re one step closer
to John Cena’s kiss.

John, pucker up.

We’re sending these two
to the Wipeout Zone.

I think I feel a cold sore
coming on.

Heat two of the gauntlet
is coming up next.

Fun Moms!
Whoo, whoo!

The battle
of ages intensifies.

Dude, the moms
are crushing us.

And later...
- Oh!

These guys go big.

You are so pretty, John!

Even I got to root
for them after that.

Okay, Nicole, the water
on the Wipeout course

course has its characteristics.

Sure.

How much money would it take
you to get a nice big glass

of that and chug it?

Maybe $500.
I lowballed.

I should have said more.

I really should have said more.

Mmm, yeah, ’cause you know
they’re peeing in it.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’re heading into the second
heat of the gauntlet,

the event that breaks up our
teams into winners and losers.

I hope we never
break up, John.

We’d never.

But if we go, I hope

we’re like Jen Aniston
and Brad Pitt,

and our friendship persists
long after all the hard stuff.

And also, that I get
half of your stuff,

and your money, too.

I’m not sure
it works like that,

but let’s head down
to the course.

The Kiss Ups are headed
to the Wipeout Zone.

And our second heat is
adults versus kids.

We’ve got the

in the gauntlet.

They’re up
against the Rocket Scientists,

Colin and Charlie.

And the 8Bitters.

Prepared by
playing video games.

Didn’t help them much
in the qualifier,

but they’re looking
to level up.

I’m freaking out.

Mental toughness.
We got this.

Whoo!
Whoohoo!

Those noises mean the moms
are ready for action.

I’m not gonna ask you
how you know that.

Don’t.

Oh, my God.
Three, two, one!

Baby, come on!
Ahh!

The moms hop out first,

eager to show these youngins
how it’s done.

That’s the first time
in years either of them

took a spin in something
other than a sensible minivan.

Ugh.

Fun Mom Steph sticks
the landing.

Oh, this is hard.

All nine of their kids
at home said

they’re going to fail,
so they have a lot to prove.

Oh!

8Bit Akeem knows you can’t
let a cougar get on top early.

I can’t do this.

You got this.
No, I can’t do this!

Mm, looks like Edith’s low
on health points

after getting pummeled
in the qualifier.

Oh!
Rocket down!

This is not, like, slow.
I’m waiting.

I’m not gonna move.

Oh, we’ve got one
on the Revolver.

Ooh!
Oh!

He just couldn’t Tetris his
body into the right position.

What in the world?
There’s no way!

Come on, green.
Let’s go!

No!
Yes!

Fun Mom Katie ends up
in the tub.

Just as the Rocket
Scientists lift off.

Nice, Colin!
Let’s go!

Okay, go.

There it is.

Baby, come on!

Akeem finally gets Edith
to log into the game.

And rocket man Charlie
safely ejects

from the Dizzy Dummy.

One member from each team

has officially made it
to the Revolver.

Fun Moms, Fun Moms!

They’re like superheroes

with the power to humiliate
their kids in a single shout.

This is a fun mom dance.

I think I can feel myself
doing this at a wedding.

Fun Moms!

Charlie’s trying to erase
the image of the mom dance,

while Katie takes a crack
at the Revolver.

Let’s go, quickly, quickly!
You did it!

Ouch.
Ooh.

You didn’t.
You’re still a Fun Mom.

I don’t know where these
moms get so much energy.

Goji berries or hGH?
Hard to tell.

Oh my!
She makes it!

The Fun Moms are the first

to have one member
across the Revolver.

Damn it.
How do you do this?

Not exactly rocket science.

Whoo!

Wow.

But Charlie still
figures it out.

Let’s go, come on!
Fun Moms, let’s go!

Fun Moms never say die!

She makes it!
Ooh!

Age is trumping
youth out there.

Fun Moms!
Fun Moms!

Dude, the moms
are crushing us.

While the rest of the teams
still work on the Revolver,

Fun Moms move on.

Remember, enter on green,
exit on red,

don’t let the sweeper bar
go over your head.

Okay, you’re taking outside?
Okay.

Ahh!

Oh, momma.

Come on, Fun Mom!

Oh, shoot.
I can’t get up.

Ahh!

The Fun Moms are
slowing down.

They might not have
the youthful energy

to pull this out.

Back at the Revolver,

8Bit’s Akeem trying
to get past a big boss.

Super Mario.
Ooh!

And he makes it!
What a move!

I didn’t even know
you could do that.

Did he enter a cheat code?
Come on, baby!

You gotta be quick.
You gotta be quick.

Oh!
It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Same thing, Colin.

Right behind them,

a smarty pants
Rocket Scientist gets it done.

All three teams are
at the Spun & Done.

Anybody’s game in the gauntlet.
That’s my favorite line.

Oh!
Uhoh.

Akeem taking a big hit
to his health meter.

Oof, 8Bit’s game crashes.

I don’t know how
I’ma do this.

Don’t try and land fully on.

Try and land close
to the one side,

so you can hook an arm around.

Looks like
the Rocket Scientists

have a good strategy.

Houston,
they have a solution.

I got this, guys.
Let’s see it, Edith.

The Millennials are
ganging up against Gen X.

Wow, it’s just like
being on Twitter.

Let’s go, Charlie.

Look at that rocket man go.
Ouch.

But a hit from the sweeper bar
sends him back into orbit.

Y’all are evil.
Oh,.

This is evil.

With the Rocket Scientists
out of the way,

Fun Mom Katie makes a run
for the red exit.

She’s on her own out there,

and honestly probably enjoying
the quiet time.

You did it, you did it!
Ahh, yay!

Oh, yay!

Fun Mom Steph is
the first one across.

Whoo!
One Fun Mom!

Come on, Katie!
Whoo!

We can do this!

Not for kids, but for me
and you to go on vacation!

I don’t know this cheer,

and I’ve been cheerleading
for a really long time.

Now she needs Katie
to join her

before the kids ruin another
one of their grownup parties.

Oh, my goodness.

Akeem’s reboot gave him
new health,

and he’s charging
for the finish.

Can he make it?

Ooh!
Yes!

His total disregard
for his body pays off.

And his avatar
is doing just fine.

Unlike his partner.

Oh, my God.

With one Fun Mom
and one 8Bitter across,

the battle
of ages intensifies.

Time those jumps.
This is what we do it!

This is... how we do it?

Rocket Scientist Charlie

is not waiting
for the launch code.

Fun Mom, let’s do it!
Oh, shoot.

Whoa, Charlie avoids
a mom asteroid...

Wow!
Let’s go!

And launches himself
to the finish.

Come on, Katie!
Come on, Colin!

Come on, E, you got this!
No, it’s scary as hell.

One member
from each team has

made it
to the winner’s circle.

Whoever makes it next will
take their team

to the Wipeout Zone.

While the kids are trying
to win this from the outside,

Fun Mom Katie is attacking it
from up the middle.

Over, over!
Yes!

Fun Moms have done it!
Whoo, whoo!

The old and wise beat
the young and restless.

Age is just a number.

Congratulations!

You’re going
to the Wipeout Zone.

Whoo!

You’re one step closer
to that $25,000.

Thank you, thank you.

What do you want to say
to your kids?

Oh!

We got a doozie
of a Wipeout Zone tonight.

Can two Fun Moms lip block
the Kiss Ups?

Coming up...

We have a battle
of the ages.

Come on, baby!
John!

Fun Moms never say die!

Oh!
Oh!

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

The two teams remaining
have survived

the qualifier and the gauntlet,

but this is their first time
in the Wipeout Zone.

And you know how
the old saying goes:

you never forget
your first time.

Tell me about it.

I was 34,
incredibly inexperienced,

but the Zone was
a perfect gentleman.

I finished first.

He left me with $25,000,
and I never saw him again.

It’s been pretty awkward,
to be honest.

And that same offer stands
for whichever team

finishes fastest here tonight.

Here’s what they’re
facing off against.

This monstrous
fourpart course

will be done relay style,

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will take the plunge down

the world’s scariest
water slide, Drop Out,

a harrowing 75foot fall

into the icy waters
of Lake Wipeout.

From there,
they’ll swim over

to our spinning
cylindrical psychopath,

Point Break, where they’ll try
to maneuver from one platform

to the other
without getting spiked.

That’s when they’ll tag
their partner,

who will take on
the next challenge, GForce.

They’ll have to leap
onto one rotating arm,

shimmy to the other side,

and launch themselves
to safety.

And finally, Grinder.

If they can conquer
those gigantic gyrating gears

and clock a faster time
than their competition,

their team will win $25,000.

Tonight, we have
a battle of the ages.

The

to ground the two biggest
Kiss Ups we know.

Fun Mom Katie waits down below

as Stephanie gets ready
for the first leg of the Zone.

Stephanie!
Hi, kids.

Do you think
that they are proud?

Do you think
that they’re embarrassed?

What do you think?

Ready to go, whoo!
All right, here we go.

Fun Mom Steph enjoying
a little quiet alone time.

Welcome to the mother
of all Wipeout Zones.

Three, two, one!

Whoo!

Stephanie swinging out
of the Drop Out.

She is in Lake Wipeout
and headed to Point Break.

Yeah, Steph!

These moms have been
steadily embarrassing

their nine kids at home...

Boy.

All throughout the qualifier
and the gauntlet.

Let’s see if it keeps up here
in the Wipeout Zone.

I gotta say,
nine kids is nine too many.

Okay, oh, Stephanie!

Oh!
Ooh!

A valiant effort.
You know?

A valiant effort, yes.

She just needs to pull
herself up by her mom jeans

and get back on.

You got this, you got this!
Get ahead of it!

Get ahead of it!
Get ahead of it!

Oh!
She may have it!

Oh, wow!
Get ahead of it.

Stephanie!

Stephanie gets there!
Go, Katie, go!

HalfwayDoneMoms.

You got this.
Come on, Katie.

You got this.
Come on.

You got this.
Slow and steady, whoo!

Aww.

The way she jumped
on that was really funny.

And you know what,
these are cool moms.

If their kids are embarrassed,
what’s wrong with these kids?

Yeah, what’s wrong
with these kids?

Keep going, Katie.
Come on.

Nice and easy.
Yes, come on, Katie!

That was very gentle.
She sticks the landing.

Whoo!

She’s momming so hard
right now.

She is.
Look for your target.

You got it!
You got it, come on!

Very calculated.
Very, very calculated.

One false step here
puts her back

at the beginning
of the obstacle.

She does not want that.

Ruby, Lulu, Elliot, Lina
are gonna be so proud!

Whoo!

Oh, wow!
She makes it!

Whoo!
These moms are ripping it!

The Fun Moms morphing
into badass moms.

Yeah, these are
badass mother moms.

Whatever it takes.

Doing it for all
the fun moms out there.

Okay, okay.
Quick decision to make.

Ooh!
Oh.

Wow.

No, these moms are great.
I think she’s gonna get it.

Katie back up.
Every step here is crucial.

We’ve seen people just get
so fatigued on this obstacle.

Yes.

Yes, yes!
Get up there, whoo!

She sticks it!
Can she hold on?

Wow!
Yes!

Oh, my goodness.

You got this, let’s go!

Two jumps away
from the finish line

and a possible $25,000.

These are some bad mothers
right now.

Yeah.
Oh!

No!
Oh!

Aww!
That’s all right, keep going!

A crushing setback
right there.

You know what,
she is a total milf.

Mom I’d like to
finish this course.

Yes.
Right now.

Yes.

Katie showing signs
of fatigue.

You can see it setting
in a little bit.

Mmhmm.
You’re so close.

You’re so close.

All right.
Come on, girl, you got it!

Ooh!
Yes!

She lands it!
Yes!

Come on, this is all you!
Two more, two more!

Crucial jump right here.
Going back in the water here...

Yeah.
Would not be a good idea.

Big moment of truth.

Yes.
Yes.

One jump to the finish line.

Yes.
Can she do it?

Yes!

Yes!
She does!

And the Fun Moms have finished
the Wipeout Zone.

Yes, the Fun Moms!
Stephanie and Katie.

What’s more exhausting,
the Wipeout Zone

or looking after nine kids?

Kids.
Kids.

Dude, this is child’s play.

That’s some pretty
good birth control.

I’m not having kids
if it’s tougher than this.

Which means the Kiss Ups have
their work cut out for them.

Are you getting
nervous, John?

A little bit.

Welcome back
to the Wipeout Zone.

One team has gone,
one team waiting in the wings,

and $25,000 still on the line.

What would you do
if you brought home $25,000

for a day’s work?

I’d fire my agent.

Let’s check out
the leaderboard.

Wow.

Of 8 minutes and 10 seconds.

The Kiss Ups look ready
to butt slap that time

and take the win.

John, they said if I win
I can kiss you!

Now, who said this?
Everyone!

Was my wife among everyone?
You are so pretty, John.

Hell, even I gotta root
for them after that.

Three, two, one!

Yeah!
Wow.

Oh, into the cold waters
of Lake Wipeout,

75foot drop out of Drop Out.

Let’s go, baby!
He’s swimming on over.

Oh!

Is Cole the male version
of Nicole?

I don’t know.
I don’t know either.

There he is.
Headed to Point Break.

It goes at different speeds.

It goes at different speeds?
Yeah.

Okay, so has he figured out
it’s a corkscrew?

You got it, nice and slow.

Come touch my butt, baby.
Come touch my butt.

See what his strategyno.
No.

He’s just gonna
try and run it.

Good luck.

Oh, oh!

That was impressive.
He moved so fast.

John, this next one is him.
I think so.

But wow, you’re handsome.

Whoo!

Come on.
Here Cole goes again.

Come slap this ass.
Okay.

Nice, nice.

Go further, further,
further, further.

Oh mykeep going.

Touching every piece of
Point Break, and he’s across!

Come on!
Oh, all right!

Come on, baby!
Come on!

Butt smacks!

Let’s go, baby!
Come on!

Now, here is GForce.

Oh, it’s so lubey.

Oh, come on.
Aww, man.

Oh, he gonna fall.
Oh, he not gonna fall.

Oh, he’s got it.
- Oh!

Yikes!

I don’t even know
how that happened.

That was an epic wipeout!

Epic firstface
helicopterstyle wipeout.

These guys go big.

Whoo!

Oh, my God.

Get here, come on!

Tyler back on GForce.

Think about that kiss!

Cartwheel it, whoo!
This is really crazy.

Uhoh.

Let’s see if Tyler
can do this.

There he is.
Okay, all right.

Oh my, cheese and rice.

One more leap,
and GForce is done.

Come on, Ty, baby!

Nice little butt clap, baby!
And...

Look at that.
He makes it with ease!

Wow!

He’s coming, John!
Getting a big smooch!

He’s off of GForce
and onto Grinder.

Oh!
Oh!

Wow.
Oh, you’re good, you’re good.

Always that first one.
Yeah.

It’s always that first one.
Think about that kiss.

It’s the biggest
motivation you need.

John, I’m coming
for you, baby!

Can’t tell if it’s a threat
or a promise,

but he seems pretty hellbent
on wanting to do this.

I think it’s a threat
and a promise.

Fair.

Do you think his lips
are lubed up with Chapstick?

I think at least the waters
of Lake Wipeout, which are...

Uhhuh, uhhuh.
As we discussed before...

Pretty nasty.
85% urine.

Ooh, wow.
Nice!

Come on, Ty!
Wow.

Nice!
Wow, Tyler, wow.

Two jumps to go, and you’re
at the end of the Wipeout Zone!

Wow.
They’re flying through it.

No, fall.
Come on, come on, come on.

I mean, fall, but don’t fall.

Wow!

How did this happen?

Come on!
Wow!

Amazing finish!

Let’s go, baby!
Amazing finish!

You guys officially
ran the Wipeout Zone

in 3 minutes and 32 seconds...

Wow!

The fastest time we’ve had
in this Wipeout Zone.

Yeah!
Congratulations.

You won "Wipeout" and $25,000.

Come on!
Yes!

You guys are so beautiful.
Let him kiss you, John.

Well, okay,
I’ll tell you what then.

Instead of intimate,
physical contact,

because there is
a river between us,

let us now share a moment.

I’ll go for it.
And maybe...

Make my day.

Makes me day, makes my life.

Tyler and Cole’s
record times

may one day be challenged,

but they’ll always hold the
title for the most butt slaps.

I want to kiss John Cena!

Though our lips
never touched,

they touched my heart.

Well, that’s our show.
I’m John Cena.

And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byer,

saying goodnight and big balls.