Wipeout (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 11 - Lights, Camera, Wipeout! - full transcript

Whoa!

This is wild!

No, this is "Wipeout."
Oh.

The Big Balls are back,
America.

I’m Nicole Byer.

And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you

to the most insane
competition show

known to man.

She got hit hard,

but that’s the game
of "Wipeout."



Olé.

Each week, teams of two
will compete

for their share
of the $25,000-grand prize.

The courses are crazier!

Whoo!

Yeah!
Yes!

The contestants are bendier.

That one’s got to hurt.

And the hosts are sexier.

Beauty and brawn. Brains
and brawn. Funny and brawn.

Don’t set their expectations
too high, Nicole.

What if we don’t deliver?

Welcome back, America,

to "Wipeout"!



Hello, America.
Welcome to "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena.
I’m here with Nicole Byer.

Where else in the world
can you find these many people

willing to make fools
of themselves for cash money?

An Adam Sandler movie?
Ooh!

Glass houses, John Cena.

The first thing standing
in the way of our teams winning

$25,000 is a Wipeout waiting
to happen called the qualifier.

Our teams will face
the qualifier today,

a five-part
obstacle course behemoth.

First, they’ll need to jump
through our spinning rings

at the Hoop Hopper.

Then they’ll have to keep
their balance at Rumble Road.

Next up, "Wipeout" classic,
the Big Balls.

Make it cross and grab Smallsy
for $250-bonus.

After that,
it’s the Body Blender.

Jump the hurdles. Or get
cut down in the process.

And finally, players end

with the swinging and swaying
Jigglelator

for a final leap
to the finish platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the qualifier

make it through
to the next round.

Before we get started,
I have a quick question

for Camille Kostek,
who’s standing by.

Sure thing.
What is it?

Of the two of us,

who would you rather have
on your "Wipeout" team?

John "The ’Don",
the most prolific sports figure

of the 21st century,
and anyone would be lucky

to have him on their team.

How much
did you pay her to say that?

$50, but it was worth
every cent.

And speaking of the greatest
sports figures of all time,

let’s head to the top of the
course to see who’s up first.

We used to be married!
Not anymore!

Here’s why!
I’m gay!

We went to college together.

We’ve been together
for 10 years, married for two.

And then, after that,
I came out as gay,

and we’re still together
after that.

Now we’re roommates.

No way!
Yeah.

Well, that story
just took a fun turn.

So you guys live together?
Yeah.

With his boyfriend.

Whoa, a really fun turn.

Yeah.

Come on!
You can do it!

Amanda is ready
to put another ring on it.

And...
Oh!

That went about as smooth
as their marriage.

Jeremy is a little runaway
groom down the Rumble Road.

Oh,.
Aw!

Ooh, do you think
his new boyfriend pays

a third of the cable bill?
I don’t know.

He’s desperately trying
to stay on that platform.

Hanging onto it like
the marriage he never wanted.

How much do you think
Amanda is enjoying this?

She doesn’t seem to be like
the type to hold a grudge.

Oh.

The girl’s loving it.

Now it’s Amanda’s turn
to bring home some cash

for three’s company.

Ouch.
Hold on, John.

This is a very rare
Wipepedia moment.

This is the deep sleeper.

Absolutely breathtaking.

One thing she’s holding is
her breath

as he takes on
the Body Blender.

Ooh, I thought
he’d be better

at navigating multiple holes.

Let’s go.
Yeah, so did Amanda.

As Jeremy swims away
from his problems,

Amanda takes them head-on.

Actually making solid time
here.

She fights
through the Jigglelator.

That’s the same reaction

he had when he brought
his boyfriend home

and she agreed
to pay half the rent.

Oh, no!
Whoo!

Finishing at 8 minutes
and 19 seconds,

just slightly longer
than their marriage lasted.

What is this fiesta going
on, and why wasn’t I invited?

That’s Michael and Carol.

They’re siblings
from Colombia.

That still doesn’t answer
why I wasn’t invited.

I’m Carol.
I’m Michael.

And we are...
The Colombros!

Viva Colombia.

Que viva Colombia.

This is my little brother,
the annoying one.

As a little brother,
it’s my job to be annoying.

Yeah, and he’s really good
at it.

We are proud Colombians just
because we love the culture.

We love the music.
We love everything.

We’ll do anything to win,
whatever it takes.

Fight, claw.
We’ll do it.

Carol’s ready to make
her Ivy League school proud,

and she...

drops out
in the first semester.

John, they’re from Colombia,

not Columbia University.

I know.
I’m not an idiot.

Hi, Colombia!

Carol hits a few speed bumps
at the Jigglelator.

Let’s see if her brother has
any words of encouragement.

It’s higher than it looks
on TV.

So is having
a modern family.

It’s actually much more
annoying than charming.

And she takes a dive
like a soccer player

who barely got touched
by a gentle breeze.

If brother Michael
can finish strong,

then Colombia has a spot
in the World Cup of Gauntlets.

And he...

scores!

Golazo.

Nicol-azo.

Come on, bro.

The Colombros
salsa their way

into 8 minutes and 19 seconds,

neck-and-neck with
Will and Gracious hosts.

We’ll see if both teams
can make it to the gaunt.

Let’s meet our next team

and keep this
good vibes party going.

The only thing faster than us
is the ice caps melting.

Who the hell
are these people?

They’re zoomers, cleaning up
the environmental mess

that you boomers made.

You?

Michael is gonna need
a little alternative energy

to get him through this
as he...

just doesn’t have any
in the tank.

The moment he realizes

he’s just never gonna be
as cool as Greta Thunberg.

For the what?
The planet!

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh.
She looks like a penguin

trying to jump
to the last iceberg.

Oh, getting dark, John Cena.

I don’t like it.

For the freaking planet.

At this rate, I don’t think

they could save Planet
Hollywood from bankruptcy.

Mmm. I love
their chicken tendies.

Well, the world’s gonna end
before the zoomers make it

to the gauntlet.
Let’s see who’s next.

And release our sound in a...

Ah!
Uh, what is happening?

Has Camille joined a cult?

I’m afraid it’s worse
than a cult.

They’re thespians.
You’re a thespian too, John.

Uh... technically.

I’m Rachel.
And I’m Delia.

And we’re
the Theater Girls!

We met freshman year
of college.

That’s right.
Ta-da!

We’re just two small,
little quirky girls,

ready to take on
those big red balls.

And the world.

To prepare for "Wipeout,"
we do our warm-ups.

Actor warm-ups.

We’re here to win.
But if we wipe out...

It’ll the best wipeout
you’ve ever seen.

Show-stopping.

Coming this fall--

also falling this fall--

the story of two friends.

Are you just gonna read
what the titles already say?

I haven’t decided yet.

You’ve never looked better.

Witness their highs,

their lows,

thrills and spills.

I love a diving board.

John, what the heck
is this movie even about?

Two friends.
Oh, no!

You already mentioned that.

Oh, you look beautiful
when you fall!

Laughs and chills
that are...

So big and so strong.

She doesn’t got it, but she
was so pretty when she did it.

Actors secretly love
watching each other bomb,

by the way.

She was so close
to completing the Body Blender!

Channeling a little Brando.
Nice, Camille.

Oh, my God!

Go, Rachel! Jump, jump!

The film that
has nobody talking.

No!

Yes. So yes.

Flips, dips and...
Slime!

Ooh, absolutely stunning.

Rated 14%
on Rotten Tomatoes.

Yes.

Thank you.
They said we couldn’t do it.

With a strong opening time
of 7 minutes and 37 seconds,

they’re hoping
that’s fast enough

to get them a sequel
in the gauntlet.

We’re halfway
through this qualifier,

and no one knows
what the future holds

except for more teams,
more body-bending wipeouts,

and 25,000 big ones
on the line.

Hi. It’s me, John Cena.

I used to be a WWE superstar.

Now, I’ve made a transition
to film.

Isn’t that nice for me,
John Cena?

That’s good improv.
Thank you!

Welcome back to another round

of America’s favorite show
ever, allegedly, "Wipeout."

We are exactly halfway
through this qualifier,

and like getting into a car
with Billy Joel,

we have no idea
where this thing will end up.

Let’s go down to Camille,
who’s with our next team,

who knows a thing or two

about making sure
things don’t crash.

What do your shirts say?

Oh, it’s just a line of code,
and this is the first line

of code
that any programmer writes.

Okay, I’m already confused.

"Segmentation fault."
What does that mean?

It’s any C++ coder’s
worst nightmare.

Oh, yeah.
Hate when a C++ code happens.

Nightmare.

What?!

Jackie’s up.

Just going straight
for the Hoop Hopper.

Sizing up the launch angle.

She’s probably doing the math
in her head.

I’m in no way
a genius coder,

but I feel like this is
one of those moments

where I probably
would’ve done the math

a little bit better.

That was a terrible time
to jump.

John, the only true thing
you said is that

you are in no way a genius.

On to the Big Balls, and...

Ctrl, alt, delete.

Crash!

Come on, man.
Elon Musk might be watching.

He’s gonna have to join
that hacking group, Anonymous,

after this showing.

It’s taking A Code Less
Travelled over 10 minutes

to get halfway
through the Big Balls.

At this pace, I don’t think
they have enough bandwidth

to hack into the gauntlet.

Let’s head down
to the sideline with Camille

to see who’s coming up next.

Tell me about these outfits
you got going on,

’cause I think I see handcuffs.
Mine says "badge"

’cause I’m a police officer.
Oh!

And mine says "cutie,"
’cause I’m, like,

you know, short and cute.
Cutie & The Badge.

You sound like an 80s cop show.

No, you can’t smile.
Don’t smile.

Oh, sorry.

Freeze, dirtbags!

I have the right
to remain adorable.

And we’re gonna crash...
And cuff...

This course.

Pew, pew, pew!

Officer Dave keeping the
street of Hoop Hoppers safe.

Whoa! He’s a loose cannon.

Come on. You got it.
Good job. Good job.

Looks like there might be
some trouble on Rumble Road.

Oh!
Yeah.

I’d like to report
an officer down.

One officer down, another
officer bounced around.

He was so close
to that $250-pension too.

Coming soon to TBS,
Cutie & The Badge.

Pew, pew!

Tackle those balls!
You got it!

Tackling balls
and criminals.

What about watching
your partner’s back?

Come on, David.
Where were you?

All right.
Get up, get up, get up.

There you go.
Good job.

She clearly could have used
a few more training days.

Cutie & The Badge finishing
with a time

of 16 minutes and 4 seconds.

Did they get handcuffed
by the qualifier,

or will it be enough to get
them through to the gauntlet?

Did you ever want
to be a cop, John?

Nah, I could never remember
the Miranda rights.

She was always
my favorite character

from "Sex and the City."

Let’s check in with Camille,

who’s with another couple
of heroes.

These two are
medical responders.

All right, as an EMT,
you always come prepared.

Are you prepared for today?
Did you bring anything?

I am. Not only
do I have medical supplies,

I have snacks.

When your partner’s a foodie.

Do you have anything in there
for me?

Here we go.
You have candy.

You know I got you.
I’ll have that--

oh, okay.
That’s for you.

You got this!
Keep going.

Hungry Hungry Heroes report

to an accident on Rumble Road.

There’s no accident
on Rumble--

Oh, no!

If a first responder’s
in an accident,

are they technically
the first first responder?

Making his way
to the Big Balls.

You got it. You got it.
Come on. Let’s go!

Oh, no!

Save him.
Ooh.

Or throw him in the lake.

Listen, if we’re
giving out rewards for effort,

Lenard gets one.
He literally killed Smallsy.

Listen back to this replay
for his final words.

Son of a biiitch!

At least he died
doing what he loved.

Another Hungry Hungry Hero
is now on the scene.

And now,
she’s off the scene.

Back on the scene,
off the scene, on the scene...

Oh, man.
It’s bumpier into my ambulance.

Oh, no.
Off the scene,

on the scene, off the scene,
on again.

And finally, off the scene
for good.

If someone was choking,
this would be a way more fun

and effective technique than
the boring, old Heimlich.

With Lenard and Esther
passing up Big Balls

in just over three
and a half minutes,

it’s looking like the Heroes
might be hungry enough

to feast at the gauntlet.

As a couple, does
your relationship ever turn

into something
like a hockey fight?

This one, strong core.
Scary.

I like a god chest bumping.
Nice.

Keeps her man in check.

Oh, that’s pretty good.

I’m Leren.
I’m Louis.

We met on the Ice Crew.

We’ve been dating
for almost a year now.

Every time she passed me
on the ice,

beautiful strawberry red hair,
that was it for me.

We go out and shovel the ice

while the commercials are
playing for viewers at home.

Our strategy for "Wipeout"
is...

No pucks given.

I’ve been taking hits
all my life.

Pucks to the face,
bodies on the boards.

So, we’re ready for "Wipeout."

Oh, yeah.
We’re ready.

Leren shoots out
like a slapshot.

Oh...

Good fall, Leren!
That’s graceful.

That started out kinda
graceful like a figure skater,

but then the Hoop Hopper
just went all Tanya Harding

on her ass.

Commit fast!

Solid advice
from his teammate.

Well, he certainly
committed first.

No Wayne Regretzkies
on that jump.

Louis, tell America
how you think that went.

I think I got some good air
back there.

Define "air."
Good rotation.

Really?
Really nice.

How nice?

Wow. And there
you have it folks,

a "Wipeout" special report.

Ice peak hockey player,
and he just said,

"Good luck in the third period
at the Jigglelator."

Hockey players
only get three periods?

Yep.
Lucky.

An amazing finish here as
Leren slides across the ice,

using every last ounce
of energy.

Ooh.

Oh, and she hangs on
to the edge of the rink.

She’s amazing!

I will vote for her
for president.

Ouch!
Aw!

Dang it! So close.

Well, maybe controller.
Yeah!

Skating across
the finish line

with an ice-cold time
of 6 minutes and 15 seconds.

Fastest time of the day.
Yeah, baby!

With both qualifiers
in the rearview,

here’s who’s made the bust
to the gauntlet:

Hockey & Chill,
Hungry Hungry Heroes,

Thespi-Friends,
Will & Gracious Host,

the Colombros,
and Cutie & The Badge.

Stick with us,
because after the gauntlet,

four of these teams won’t.
Oh, shoot!

If you could pick anyone
to be your teammate

to run the course,
who would you pick?

Mm, somebody hot,

so, like, after we’re done,
he’s just like,

"Oh, wow, Nicole.
That was a hardship

that we went through together,"

And I’m like, "Yes, I know.
Marry me."

What about you, John?

Michael Phelps,
for the same reasons.

All of them.

All of them.

Hello, America,
and welcome back to "Wipeout."

The qualifier helped us
weed out the weak.

And now, it’s time
for the remaining teams

to give it all they got
in the gauntlet.

John, what do you think is
gonna be the hardest part

for our competitors?

In the "Wipeout" justice
system, water-based defenses

are considered
especially heinous.

Oh, God.

In the gauntlet,
the dedicated hosts

who analyze these vicious falls
are

members of elite squad known
as the Special Wipeout Unit.

If I have to hear you talk
about Mariska Hargitay

one more time, John...

This is their story.

The gauntlet will be done
in two heats.

Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time

will be practically
climbing over one another,

starting at the Carous-Hell.

Then it’s a foot race

through the disgusting
mud pits

and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.

And finally,
the Pummel Pool,

where the choice between
the revolving French Fries

and the giant
spinning Lollipop

could make or break it all.

Moves on to the Wipeout Zone.

In this blazing hot heat
of the gauntlet,

we have the ravenous
Hungry Hungry Heroes...

Will & Gracious Host,

and married sweethearts,
Cutie & The Badge.

Congratulations.

You are one step closer
to that $25,000.

Three, two, one.

You’ll go first?

I’ll go first.
All right.

Go for it.
I’ll show you how it’s done.

First up, David
of Cutie & the Badge...

shows the group how not to be.

Let’s hope he’s better
at catching bad guys

than he is at Sweeper Bars.

He needs some milk.

Hungry Lenard goes for it,
and--ugh!

Oh!
Eats it.

Trust fall.
You can’t trust

any of the obstacles here
at "Wipeout."

Just like your gay husband,
they will betray you.

Too soon.

But Gracious Host Amanda
follows suit.

She just can’t quit it.

Man, this group is not
having any luck at this.

No!

And that is all
six contestants in this heat

getting spanked
by the propeller.

But Badge David won’t let it
get away twice.

And he makes it across.

Jump a little earlier
than you expect.

All right.

Now he’s giving advice
to others.

This isn’t the cutthroat
competition I paid to see.

Whoa!

And look what it gets him.

Sweeper Bar gets the jump
on the Badge,

but he holds tight
and clears the Carous-Hell.

Lenard hugs the dangler

like it’s the last bear claw
in the break room.

Then, he swoops in
for the landing,

like the hungry hero he is.

Meanwhile,
his partner, Esther,

has landed on the propeller.

And she makes it
onto the platform.

That, you got hit by?

Man. Ooh.
Yeah. The tip of it.

Just the tip?

Well, not all heroes
wear cups.

Hang on tight.

Hungry Hero Esther coming in
for the superhero landing.

Well, that
would have been cool.

And Jeremy is
right behind her,

easily avoiding
the Sweeper Bar

like he did Amanda
during their marriage, but...

Oh, God.

Not having the same luck
avoiding gravity.

Gracious Host Amanda
gives it a shot.

And she lands smoothly
on the platform.

And Cutie--oh!

Gets cancelled!

Esther sticks her landing
on the second try,

and Hungry Hungry Heroes are
moving on to the Messy Mile.

Let it push you.
Trust me.

Will & Gracious Host
are reunited,

and it feels so... platonic.

They’re moving on!

Here comes Cutie, and...

Hold it right there, Johnny,

because it’s time for
America’s favorite game show

that I just made up right now.

Will David catch his cutie?

Let’s take a look
at his track record so far.

Okay.

It’s not looking good,

but if David successfully
catches his wife,

not only do they move on
to the Messy Mile,

but they also win
a night of passion

with none other than John Cena!

You’re good.
Hold tight.

Here comes Cutie, and...

Don’t let go.
Grab me.

Let go. Let go. Let go.
Let go. Let go.

And... he did it!

An Uber will be waiting
outside

to take you to John’s place

immediately following
the Wipeout Zone.

Fair’s fair.

Up ahead, Will & Gracious Host
have caught up

with the Hungry Hungry Heroes
on Mount Wipeout.

Esther, Lenard,
Jeremy, Amanda,

all scaling Mount Wipeout
at the same time.

Oh, it’s so close.

Who’s gonna jump
into the Pummel Pool first?

It’s Esther!

She’s just in a rush because

Applebee’s happy hour closes
in 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, don’t count out
Cutie & the Badge.

They’re right behind,

about to approach
Mount Wipeout.

And Jeremy turning this
into a full on pool party.

Hungry Lenard darts
over the pink ball...

Let’s go.
And takes the Tippy Table

in one swift move.

Wow! Let’s go!
Now, he has a big decision.

The biggest decision.

Uh-oh, do I want fries?

Yeah. I’m kinda hungry.
Better catch up.

Speaking of ketchup, Will &
Gracious Host is right behind

with Amanda about
to tackle the pink ball.

Ouch! Been a while
since she’s done that,

and it shows.

There we go.
There we go.

Here we go.
Aim for the end, okay?

With some coaching
from Lenard,

Esther goes for the pink ball.

Hold on, hold on.
Slide off.

And she makes it
all the way!

Slipping and sliding today.

Now, Lenard wants fries
with that,

and he’s weighing his options.

Oh!
Comes at you faster

than a bill
for an ambulance ride.

He was in the air long enough
to call 911,

eat a bag of Funyuns,
and watch an episode

of "Chicago Med"
before hitting the water.

Hungry Esther looking
to savor the Fries.

And just like her partner,

gets knocked into the drink.

I don’t have much
of an appetite.

I’m over the Fries.

Lenard is over the Fries
and behind him,

Jeremy is over
at the Tippy Table.

Yeah, baby!

Esther’s not wrong,
and he makes it.

No!

Cutie & The Badge are
in third place,

but gaining steam
as they summit Mount Wipeout.

Welcome to the party, guys.

Come on in.

This is the Wipeout pool party
over here.

I can’t believe I caught up
to everybody.

Esther is about to go
for the Fries.

This seems like
when I spiked the punch

at my family reunion.

Oh!

Yes!
Oh, yeah!

And Esther has shown
the Fries who’s the boss.

Let’s go!
I can’t tell if she’s happy

she’s almost finished, or
because she’s that much closer

to the snacks table.

Esther is our first player

to make it
to the Winner’s Circle.

You did it!
Yeah!

Yeah. Whoo!

Will Lenard join her
in time,

or Will & Gracious Host
get there first?

Right now, Lenard’s
just riding the Lollipop

like it’s the real thing.

And Amanda’s trying again.

Go, go, go!
Oh!

And failing again.

This is the perfect metaphor
for her marriage.

Everything starts out great,

then the floor drops out

and she finds Jeremy’s "Behind
the Candelabra" box set.

Meanwhile, Cutie & the Badge
have caught up.

But they’re still
backsliding a little.

Will Lenard go back
to the Fries?

Let’s go, Lenard. Come on.
Take the Fries. Come on.

Will the Fries take him back?

Hungry Lenard goes,

and makes it
through the Fries.

Let’s go!

But will he make it
to the Winner’s Circle?

He does!

Onto this thing.
Grab this, and go!

The Hungry Hungry Heroes
win this gauntlet

and they’ll be moving on
to the Wipeout Zone.

Congratulations!

You guys are going to go
to the Wipeout Zone.

Let’s go!

Hungry Hungry Heroes
will bring

their ferocious appetites
to the Zone.

But what team from
our second gauntlet heat

will be joining them?

Our quest to crown
the $25,000-winner continues.

And then, two teams
will be going head-to-head

in the wildest course
on television.

You don’t want to miss
any of the action,

so sit down, buckle up,
and enjoy the ride.

She landed like
she was sitting in a chair,

and I really enjoyed it.

Nicole, if you could have
one superpower,

what would you have?

I guess I’d like to be
Mystique from "X-Men"

because she can morph
into anything,

and I think that would
just be very fun.

Like, I get
to be a man one day.

I could be a lady another.

I could be white.
What’s that like?

Come on! Tell me
if you like being white.

And we’re back, America.

Three more teams are about
to test their strength,

endurance, and patience.

A challenge greater
than trying to get your parents

to remember
their Wi-Fi password.

Just write it somewhere,
Moms and Dads.

Unlike our
$25,000-grand prize,

which everyone
wants a piece of.

Let’s head back down
to the gauntlet.

The teams in the second heat
are...

The always festive
Colombros.

Ice-cold Hockey & Chill.

And the scene-stealing
Thespi-friends.

We’re gonna flying squirrel

like we’ve never
flying squirrelled before.

You should see the flying
squirrels that we do.

That would be
some actor-animal imagery

right there.
Congratulations!

You guys have made it
to the gauntlet.

Are you ready?

Three, two, one.

All right, guys.
Oh.

I thought
we were gonna go first.

Louis of Hockey & Chill
is the first to jump.

Oh!
Oh!

She’s laughing because he
just lost his last two teeth.

Ouch.
Colombros Michael tries

to make his country proud.

Ooh.
Oh.

Now, his sister’s turn.

Gotta respect that
she tried landing on her feet.

This is so scar--ah!

Hey, Ler--

Leren gets cross-checked
right into the glass.

Go Rachel, go.
Really.

I really don’t wanna do this.
Go. Just try it.

Just act like
you know how to do that.

Okay, here I go.

Delia auditions,

but doesn’t get a callback.

So far,
the Carous-Hell’s winning

with five straight wipeouts.

Our Wipetonians have
to step it up.

If you wanna go, go ahead.

Wipetonians?
Is that the best you can do?

You guys can go for it.

You guys can’t be so polite.

You gotta grab the wheel
by the horns.

That’s right, babe!
Ugh.

I love the enthusiasm,

but the best way
she can support her man is

by getting
through the Carous-Hell

because they can
only move on together.

Whoo!

Colombros Michael is second

to take a successful ride
around the propeller.

Just as Louis and his stash
take ring around the pole-sie.

Nice.
He takes a solid body check.

But hangs on
and skates to safety,

putting Hockey & Chill
currently in the lead.

Leren of Hockey & Chill is
no longer chilling,

and has finally hit the ice.

Hockey & Chill are
already celebrating...

As Colombros Michael
takes flight like

whatever the official bird
of Colombia is

and land safely in the nest.

It’s an Andean condor,
but he can’t celebrate yet

because if Leren
makes it across,

Hockey & Chill will officially
be in the lead.

Hockey & Chill have the
best time in the qualifier,

so it’s no wonder
they’re heading

for another miracle on ice.

Our resident Thespi-friends
are

still stuck
in the opening act.

Yeah, Delia!
And Delia does it.

She takes center stage
on the propeller.

And then bombs harder
than "Battlefield Earth."

Hockey & Chill
are wasting no time,

heading right
into the Messy Mile.

I see lot of hockey
with these two,

but I don’t see
a ton of chill.

Go, Leren.
Go, Leren.

I really am really nervous.

Time is running.
She’s gotta move.

Go for it!
Break a leg!

Actually, no.
No, don’t break a leg!

Oh!

Well, at that pace,
it looks like their 15 minutes

of "Wipeout" fame
is quickly running out.

She bounced right off
of that one.

Carol of the Colombros
tries a different approach

and attempts the Sweeper Bars
backwards.

A lot of things
work better backwards.

If you go
through a drive-through,

you get food, and then,
they give you money.

That’s for my babies!

Hi to all the babies
watching.

Babies don’t speak English.

English babies do.

Whoo!

Starting to feel the heat
in the ring.

Hockey & Chill
are racing their way

up the face of Mount Wipeout.
Go, go. Good.

Louis reaches the summit
first.

Let’s see if he waits
for his teammate.

And nope.
He leaves her in the cold.

Just like Beyoncé,

never looking back
after Destiny’s Child.

That’s a big jump
off the mountain.

The Colombian siblings
air travel to the mainland.

Watch it! Watch it!

But sister Carol
goes overboard mid-trip.

Now, it’s time for Leren
of Hockey & Chill

to attempt the Tippy Table.

There you go, Leren. Good.

It gets a little bit dicey
and icy,

but she makes it.

All right, babe, slide,
and then I’ll catch you.

"Slide, and I’ll catch you"?

Sounds like
a Goo Goo Dolls banger.

You got it.
You got it!

He scores with a
bigtime assist from his lady,

but they got a bigger decision
to make up ahead.

That’s a team, baby!

There you go.
They have Lollipop.

Hell no!
It’s going so fast.

Let’s go. Let’s go.

Leren takes a stab
at those Fries.

She snakes through
and prevails!

Here comes
the mighty Colombros,

finally giving it their all
on Mount Wipeout.

This is like soccer.

Nothing happens
for 86 minutes,

and then, all of a sudden,

they try to make it exciting
at the end.

She better move,
or he’s gonna wipe her out.

Hockey & Chill are so close
to the end...

I could even taste it!

He’s attempting
the Mighty Duck.

And the ducks fly!
Great movie, by the way.

Just like you said,
come to mama.

Come to mama.
Let’s see it, Leren.

Hockey & Chill
just need to bounce,

then slide into the goal.

One is in.

There’s two.
And they do it!

Hockey & Chill are the winners
of the second heat.

There it is.

Toothless and all.

You guys, I’m sending you off
to the Wipeout Zone.

You are one step closer
to $25,000.

All right!
Yay!

Hockey & Chill are moving on
to the Wipeout Zone,

where they’ll face off against
the Hungry Hungry Heroes.

The winners walk away
with that $25,000-prize.

It’s time for John and I to
head out to the Wipeout Zone.

This competition has been
anything but chill so far.

And we’re getting to find out
which team is hungrier

for that grand prize
right after this.

Think I should grow
a moustache like Louis?

I don’t think so.
Well, good, ’cause I can’t.

What about body hair?
I can’t grow that either.

Oh, no, John Cena.

It’s quite smooth.
Oh.

Yeah,
from the eyebrows down.

Okay.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’ve made it
to the Wipeout Zone.

This is the most intense
course on television, Nicole.

In fact,
if things get too intense,

I might need you to hold me.
Ooh, twist my arm!

Sure, if that’s
what you’re into,

I can do that, no problem.
What’s your safe word?

Safe words are for quitters,
John, okay?

Quitters.

We’re down
to our final two teams,

ready to compete for $25,000.

Let’s take a look
at the course.

We’ve made it to the top
of the mountain,

the Wipeout Zone.

This colossal course is
made up of four stages,

done relay style,

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will get shot out

from our speeding
Silver Bullet

into freezing cold waters
below.

From there, they’ll swim
to the giant spinning Vertigo,

where they’ll attempt
to maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can leap to safety.

That’s when
they’ll tag their partner

to take on the Leap of Faith,

where they’ll have
to launch themselves onto one

of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge.

The Triple Threat.

If a contestant
can somehow make it

from one spinning hexagon
to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform

faster than their competition,

they’ll take home $25,000.

In tonight’s Wipeout Zone,

it’s the donut-loving
first responders,

Hungry Hungry Heroes

versus ice-cold couple
Hockey & Chill.

Hungry Hungry Hero Lenard
is getting loaded

into the Silver Bullet.

His teammate, Esther,
is waiting to be tagged in.

Let’s go,
let’s go, let’s go!

She seems sweet,
but Lenard knows

if you let Esther down,
there’ll be hell to pay.

Three, two, one.

And our first responder is

officially the first one
in the water.

The Wipeout Zone.
Some say

it’s the toughest obstacle
in "Wipeout" history.

Some more say it’s
the most difficult obstacle

in the world.
And what do some others say?

They say, "Meh,
I don’t agree with it."

Let’s go.

Wow, he’s really
going for it. Look at him.

Lenard’s got to leap his way
on to Vertigo,

make his way to the center,
and hit that button,

which allows him
a landing zone to land on.

Come on, get there.
You got it. You got it.

And then, his half
of the journey is done.

Oh, he’s gonna hang on
to dear life.

Lenard is clutching
that padded pole.

Lenard holding on to that poll
for 25,0000 reasons.

I believe he’s hit the button.
Okay.

Yeah. Let’s go,
let’s go, let’s go.

He’s got
a very old man name,

but a very youthful grip.
He does.

Let gravity take you
a little bit down.

Ooh! Oh, wow.

Good save--oh, dang.
And...

Just, like, sloths
into the wipeout.

He gave up on that
like I gave up my idea

of riding a dolphin again.

Come on, you got it.
Let’s go.

Lenard looks so tired.
Grab the blue one.

Take it all the way around.

He already looks exhausted,

but I think
he’s gonna try it here.

Okay.
You got it.

Come on.
Let’s go.

He needs to jump now.
Whoo!

And he makes it!
Yes, yes, yes!

Lenard actually makes it
through Vertigo in great time,

tags Esther, and Esther is on
to the Leap of Faith.

All right, Esther.
This team is in good shape.

That one passed.
Get the timing.

And she falls off.

I hear if they win,

they’re just gonna buy
a bunch of donuts?

Yes, they’re gonna use
the winnings

to buy a bunch of donuts.

Ah. Interesting.

You got the timing down now.

They really do
just have old people names.

It’s so cute--oh, oh.
Good job!

Esther is safe so far.

Makes the last Leap of Faith
and hangs on!

Excellent job!
Go for it, Esther.

Yas, Esther.
Let’s go!

Ooh! Okay. Ooh, ooh.

She’s still in.
She’s still in.

And on to the second threat.
Yes, Esther. Okay.

She’s looking really good.
Here it is. Oh, oh, oh.

Yes.
No!

Oh!

She knows she wants to get...
Yes, yes.

...to the right position
on threat three.

She hasn’t put it
all together yet.

But you know what?
You don’t solve the puzzle

on the first try, John.

You don’t solve the puzzle
on the first try.

I never solve puzzles.
I’m a stupid bitch.

No, that’s not true. You’re
just not a puzzle person.

Wow, my therapist
also says that.

We go to the same therapist.

Here we go, Esther!
You got this.

Yes, Esther!
There you go.

Just the toe.
$25,000-jumps.

Great job. Last one.

All righty, focus up.
You got this.

Yes, Esther.
She stayed on the outside,

but she knows where she needs
to be for that last leap.

Yes!
And she’s gonna land it!

She sticks to landing!
Let’s go.

Whoo!

Down the slide she goes.
That was nice.

Oh, my God!
Esther landed. Whoo!

Uh-oh.

They fell
against the back wall.

Congratulations! You did it!
Whoo!

Good job.
Good job. Good job.

What’s going through
your head right now?

I’m cold.
Long day for you guys.

The qualifier, the gauntlet,
Wipeout Zone. You did it.

We did it. Great job.
I’m proud of you.

With an impressive time
of 5 minutes and 32 seconds,

the Hungry Hungry Heroes
have set the bar high.

Will Hockey & Chill be able
to beat ’em?

Who the puck knows?

We’ll find out next
in the Wipeout Zone.

We’re back.

This is where things
get really exciting.

If I was on social media,
I’d be dropping

that Michael Jackson
eating popcorn gif right now.

What gif would you use?

I don’t use gifs
of other people.

So you gif yourself?

Oh, yeah.
I gif myself every day.

Well, sorry I asked.

Let’s get back
to the Wipeout Zone.

Last round,
the Hungry Hungry Heroes

gave the competition
a real run for their money--

the prize money, of course--
by finishing the course

with a time of 5 minutes
and 32 seconds.

Now, Hockey & Chill is up

to see if they can slapshot
themselves to victory.

And hockey enthusiast Leren
is getting loaded

into the Silver Bullet.

Probably a little different

than the Zamboni
she’s used to.

There you go, Leren.
Go, Leren!

That looks like the size
of my first apartment.

Cozy.

Whoo!

Three, two, one.

Whoo!

And away she goes,

into Lake Wipeout.

She landed like she was
sitting in a chair,

and I really enjoyed it.
Looking good.

Looking good.

Leren and Louis,
both members of the Ice Crew.

Uh-huh. Yes.

For an NHL hockey team.
Yes.

They should be
right at home here

because Lake Wipeout
is chilly.

Leren going right in.

Wasting no time.
Oh, wow!

Keep moving.
Keep moving.

Attagirl, Leren!
Hits the button.

Is that the fastest?

She indeed
is wasting no time.

She’s in a good position
right now.

Get there.
It was there.

Take your time.
Whoa!

Whoa!
Oh, no! Hun!

I mean, she hit the center
of that super, super quick.

So quick that you didn’t even
have time to explain it.

I didn’t.

I’ll explain it.
She hit the center.

Good shot, Leren.
You got it. You got it.

Oh, a really good spot.
She’s coming

right out from under it.
If she can jump to safety...

Like that!
She--

Oh!
Oh, no!

Premature fireball.
Yeah.

We’re gonna have to talk
to someone about that.

That was the closest
someone’s ever come

to finishing the obstacle,
and then failing.

Yeah.
Yep.

You got this!

Hell yeah. I got this.

And away we go again.

She had a decent strategy, and
she made it to the platform.

She just couldn’t hang on.
You got it, you got it.

You know the timing now.
Oh, no.

She’s actually
in a good spot.

You got the timing.
You got the timing.

She’s gonna go right now.

Gotta make the jump.
She is safe.

We now have
a correctly-timed fireball.

Good job.
Love you.

They’re currently
at 3 minutes 16 seconds,

so they got a minute
to finish the course

if they wanna beat
Hungry Hungry Heroes.

Louis now taking his turn
on the Leap of Faith.

He’s gotta leap
on that swinging arm,

and then stay dry,
and get to the platform

on the other side
of the swinging arm.

That sounds easy.
Mm-hmm.

Face first.
And it works!

It did.
Whoo!

Leaping Louis makes
the Leap of Faith look easy!

Oh, hey, we’re still in it.
We’re still in it.

This is so close.

I understand the appeal
of horse racing now.

All right.
Here we go, Louis.

$25,000 on the end
of this obstacle.

Triple Threat is an extremely
difficult obstacle.

It is. Okay.

Each object moving
at its own pace.

Oh!

Oh!

The moustache is
weighing him down.

Nicole?
Yeah?

Think I should do a moustache
like Louis?

I don’t think so.
Well, good, ’cause I can’t.

What about body hair?
I can’t grow that either.

Oh, no, John Cena.
It’s okay. Don’t worry.

No, it’s quite smooth.
Oh.

Yeah, from the eyebrows down.
Okay.

Louis has less than a minute
to beat the competition.

Hope he has a strategy
for beating the Triple Threat.

It’s like landing
a triple Lutz.

They do those in hockey, right?

Ooh, he tired.

Okay, that’s a nice ginger step
on there.

I think he’s, uh...
Okay.

A little bit more experienced
this time.

He looks good.
Yes.

He’s got one more threat
to go.

Oh, oh! Yes.
And now...

Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, Louis!

Oh!

Esther, Lenard,
go nuts for donuts.

You won "Wipeout" and $25,000!

Congratulations
to Hungry Hungry Heroes,

Esther and Lenard.

Enjoy your donuts.

And that does it for this
week’s episode of "Wipeout."

Nicole, let’s meet back here
in seven days,

when we’ll be joined
by all-new contestants

and another 25 grand
on the line.

What do you say?
Ooh, I’m probably busy.

You know, I’ve got,
like, a lot of friends.

People really want
to be around me.

I’m always being pulled
in, like, a million

different directions,
so honestly,

it’s probably best
if I just say, like, no.

It’s in your contract.
I’ll be here.

Great!
Until then, I’m John Cena.

And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byer,

saying good night,
and Big Balls.