Wipeout (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Big Balls Are Back, Baby! - full transcript

Fire performers, a rock 'n' roll father-daughter duo and bubbleologists have a chance to traverse three of the most challenging courses in Wipeout history to win $25,000.

Whoa! This is wild!

Nope, this is "Wipeout."

Oh.

The big balls are back

I’m Nicole Byer.
And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you

to the most insane
competition show known to man.

Ahh!
Ugh!

She got hit hard.

But that’s the game
of "Wipeout."

Banzai!



Each week, teams of two
will enter our wild,

crazy Qualifier course.

Oh!
Ooh! That was crazy.

The six teams with the best
times will move on

to the frenetic freeforall
known as the Gauntlet.

Ah!
Oh,.

And finally, the fastest
two teams

will go headtohead
in an epic battle

to conquer
the most challenging

"Wipeout" game in history.

This is the greatest thing
I’ve ever seen...

Yeah!

In my entire life.

Two teams enter.



But only one will win
the cool $25,000 prize.

And speaking of strong duos,
America,

I mean, just look at us.

Come on, America.
I mean, seriously.

Yeah. Really.

What else do you need?
Ah!

Ah!
Ah!

This...
Ooh.

Is...

"Wipeout"!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

People falling down
is therapeutic.

Welcome back, America,
to "Wipeout."

Hello, I’m John Cena.
And I’m John Cena’s

identical twin sister,
Nicole Byer.

Welcome to the big return
of "Wipeout."

And we guarantee this season
is our ballsiest one yet.

This season is so tough,
you could say it is

the John Cena
of "Wipeout" courses.

Really.
What else do you need?

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
This is embarrassing.

Thought we were done?
Not even close.

We got a third member
of this dream team.

"Sports Illustrated"
cover girl

and former NFL cheerleader.

The Camilli to our Vanilli,
Camille Kostek.

Camilli to our Vanilli?
Yeah, like Milli Vanilli.

Camille, you got it, right?
No, not really.

I think my dad
used to listen to them.

You kids just don’t
appreciate fine art.

Let’s see what’s in store
for our contestants today

in the first round
of the competition,

the new and improved Qualifier.

Yeah.

Ten teams face
the Qualifier today,

a fivepart obstacle
course behemoth.

First up, they’ll have
to choose a path

as they navigate
through the Sweep and Weep.

Then it’s a trip up and down
the stairs of the Nutcracker.

I Next up, a "Wipeout"
the Big Balls.

Make it across and grab
Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that,
it’s the Body Blender.

Jump the hurdles or get
cut down in the process.

Finally, the players end
with the swinging

and swaying Jigglelator

before a final leap
to the finish platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the Qualifier

make it through
to the next round.

Let’s meet our first team,
the Spiritual Healers.

These new age besties are
all about yoga, meditation,

and positive energy.
, Sabrina!

You got this.
My kind of people, Nicole.

Cool, calm, and collected.

Oh! Ah!

Ouch.
What the?

And namaste to you too.

So much for being Zen.

Earlier, Camille caught up
with the Spiritual Healers,

Eileen and Sabrina.

The besties realized
they were kindred spirits

way back in eighth grade.
How special.

So sage is gonna get rid
of any negative energy.

Okay.
Sacral chakra.

A lot of energy
in our heart chakra, you know.

You want to open that up...
Open up your solar plexus.

So that you can have
selflove for yourself.

You know, I’m feeling
a little Zen myself.

Are we positive
that was just sage burning?

Well, if not, Camille,
you need to sagesagepass.

I have to go manifest
and journal

the rest of the day now,
so

Byebye.

Now it’s time
for the Spiritual Swearer.

Let’s go, Eileen!

Whoo! Damn it!
She’s gonna be weeping

all over
her yoga mat after that sweep.

No!
This girl clearly graduated

from the Samuel L.
Jackson School of Meditation.

Damn it!
I attended for a semester.

I got all Fs.

Oh, boy.
I’m sorry to hear that.

Why? That’s the best grade
you can get there.

That’s my best friend.
The Spiritual Healers

are making great time.

Now she’s off
to the Body Blender.

Ooh! No.

The Body Bender,
in this case.

Ooh, I got it.

Nicole, what are you
doing with that?

It’s a sports show, John,
got to class up

with some Telestrations
to accentuate the action.

Right here, she’s showing off

an advanced yoga
move called the Scorpion.

You got this.
And what yoga position

is Sabrina
attempting on the Jigglelator?

Oh!
Oh!

That’s clearly
the Drowning Dog.

That’s not a position.
It is now.

I predicted that was coming.

Ah!

.
Ooh!

She should have manifested
the platform

was about six feet longer.

Yes... you... are.

Come on! Come on! Come on!

And these two warriors
have ended

with a time of 6:49.

It’s easier to reach Nirvana
than that damn platform.

Oh, my God,
I missed you so much.

Our next guests
are relatives that rock.

They even wrote
an original song

for their "Wipeout" debut.

I’m Grace.
I’m Gary.

This is my dad.
And this is my daughter.

Embarrassing my children

is something
that I do on a daily basis

and I take pride in,
as most parents should.

I am absolutely the luckiest
man in the world.

What if we don’t win?

Then I’m the secondluckiest
man in the world.

Let’s amplify the
embarrassment

and play the daddy daughter
all in for "Wipeout"

duet montage.

Oh.

Oh!

Ahh!

Are you proud of your dad?
I am so proud of him,

and I’m just
- Ah!

Oh, I love this.
I’m gonna cry.

With a final time
of 8:35,

the Kaluzas
aren’t quite Kalosing,

but they’re not
Kawinning either.

Let’s go, Vaughn.

Meet our MayDecember
romance,

The Old and the Restless.

Watch the fan coming down
to hit you.

Are you sure it’s only
MayDecember, John?

We might need to add a couple
more months to that calendar.

Vaughn is a fitness freak,
and David is a STEM professor.

I’m gonna pretend like
I know what that means

and throw it to Camille.

All right, so tell me
about you guys.

How do you know each other?

He stalked me
for about six years.

Oh. Okay.

No, I stalked for him
for a little over five years.

Oh.
Five years?

Most of my stalkers
give up after three.

I didn’t give up, Nicole.
I just got busy.

I gave in.
Whatever works for you guys.

True love is when
you can stalk someone

and they don’t call the cops.

I hope you’re listening,
Michael B. Jordan.

Drop the charges.

Old man David showing us the
geriatrics of the Jigglelator.

He’s an oldie but a gooey.

Unlike David,
that never gets old.

Yes! No.
Grandpa.

He’s fine. After chasing
Vaughn for five years,

David’s no stranger
to hitting a wall.

Vaughn wiggles his way
through the Jigglelator.

Oh!

Ouch. Ooh, I felt that one.

With their time approaching
9 minutes,

The Old and the Restless
better hustle

if they want to make it
to the next round.

There’s more Qualifier
to come.

Ah!
Followed by the debut of...

My soontobe hit
pop single?

I was gonna say
the Gauntlet.

Oh! Ahh!

Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

I did a voiceover where
I had to say "humiliating,"

and I kept saying
"humiliating,"

and it was humiliating.

We’ve all had those.
It was really awful.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena here with the one
and only Nicole Byer.

Nicole, we’ve see the first
several teams run

through the Qualifier.
Any initial thoughts?

Well, John, I think we’ve
learned a couple of things.

Over the last seven years,
while the show has been away,

technology has advanced
by leaps and bounds.

Social media has become
a global phenomenon.

And we put a woman of color
in the White House.

And yet human coordinator
skills haven’t evolved much.

If anything,
they’ve gotten worse.

It’s true.

Who’s our next team?
This is the Newslyweds,

reporter Caitlin
and her husband Jonathan.

We’re live on the scene
as Jonathan gets things

going on the Body Blender.

You know, I dated
a reporter once.

What was that like?
Terrible.

Always touching his ear.
"This just in."

Jump! Jump!

Yeah, I know it’s in.

Now do something with it.

Okay. So now that we know
too much about you,

let’s get to know our
contestants a little better.

I’m Caitlin.
I’m Jonathan.

I work as a medical physicist

at Loma Linda University
Medical Center.

I’m a news anchor
and reporter

in Palm Springs, California.

Jonathan, how do you feel
about "Wipeout" today?

There’s 100% chance
of wipeout.

And also 100%
chance of rain.

Thanks, Jonathan.
I’m Caitlin

reporting live for "Wipeout."
Back to us on the field.

Caitlin has made it

to the Jigglelator.

It’s a little gooey.
We got it.

And we’ve got eh exclusive.

All day.
It’s raining goo...

Look at those
cheerleader moves.

And flying balls.
Jump. Jump. Jump off!

Ah!
Eww, goodness gracious.

Newslyweds have
our fastest time yet.

Right here, babe. Right here.
That was style and grace.

Ousting
the Spiritual Healers

with a time of 6:09,

they’re likely to be walking
down the aisle

of the Gauntlet.

Who’s next, Camille?
Hey, guys.

I’m here on the course
with Megan and Rick

looking very colorful today.
How do you know each other?

So I’m a bubbleologist.

A bubbleabobbleawhat?
What is a bubbleologist?

So I do, like, bubble tricks.

Wow.

Bubbles in bubbles,
smoke bubbles.

That’s pretty interesting.
So you saw her doing that.

Yes.
Right now, I’m a bubble boy.

One day I hope
to be a bubble man...

Oh.

And be able to do
my own bubble shows.

Can you show me
some bubble tricks today?

Oh, yeah.

Sure.
Yes! Show me.

Oh, my goodness.

This is so fun. Wow.

Pop that one right there.
No!

With bubble tricks
like that,

I wouldn’t be surprised

if Bubble Boy
still had his Vcard.

And Bubble Boy
just got popped.

Ah!
Ugh.

John, do you see what I see?

Nicole!
What?

It’s the butterfly effect.

Megan’s staring down
the Big Balls.

You don’t pop these bubbles.
They pop you.

Making bubbles
is much easier.

Well, it’s a good thing
they have their bubble career

to fall back on,
because at this pace,

their chances
of the 25K have burst.

Look at lovers
and fire performers

Almost Flamous getting their
hug on at the Body Blender.

You know, it’s my favorite
part of the course.

Mine too.

I think it deserves
its own dance break.

Ah!

Ah! Ahh!

Ohh!

Everybody,
do the Body Blender.

Come on. We said everybody.

You too, Chrissy Teigen.
I know you’re watching.

You watch everything.

A good Body Blend
is a great way

to start the day.

And an even better way
to end it.

DJ Hypno taking a spin
on the Body Blend.

I think it’s what the kids
call a remix, Nicole.

Oh, the kids
don’t call it that, John.

That’s just what it’s called.

Babe!

Do you hear his hype girl?

I’m right behind you.
Come to me.

Let’s pay for this wedding.

Yeah, she’s totally hyped,
as the kids would say.

They would not say that.

No! No!

These two were a beat
behind the competition,

but if they finish strong,
they might be Gauntletbound.

This is Jenna and...
Aldrich!

Thank you. I did not know
how to pronounce it.

My name is Jenna.
My name is Aldrich.

And we’re
Special FX Artists.

Anybody that does special
effects makeup, they’re like,

"Now, what can I make?
Can I make it bigger?

Better?"
Anything.

We always try to practice
our improv,

so we always try
to create different characters.

Yeah. One time we pretended
to get engaged.

We’re not getting married.

"Wipeout" is scarier

than any special effects
we could put together.

Anything.

Okay, make it farther
than I made it.

Oh!

Ah! Aldrich!

Ah. Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh.

Aldrich!
With a fall like that,

it’s only right to make it
this season’s official

first Nicole’s GIF of the day.

You know what
this reminds me of?

When you’re making pancakes

and you have that
one that just won’t flip.

Aldrich, we could have been
home watching a movie.

Ooh.
I hope it’s one of mine.

Come on, Cena. Haven’t they
been through enough?

He’s butt cracking me up.

Aldrich, it is very slimy,

and I just want
to make you aware of that.

It’s very slimy!
Oh, my God.

Aren’t you guys used
to working with slim?

Okay, not in my entire body.
That’s fair.

No!

I’m positive
that Jiggle Juice

got all in his Jigglelator.

Let’s just stick
to karaoke next time.

Are you hoping that you
qualified

so you could move on?

Hell, nah.

With a last place time
of 14 minutes,

you only have to worry
about moving on home.

Our six advancing teams
are the anchors

of this competition
with the fastest time

of 6:09,
the Newslyweds.

Also, the Spiritual Healers.

Hotties from Almost Flamous,

the dynamic daddydaughter
duo, the Kaluzas.

And at the bottom
of our six teams advancing,

The Old and the Restless,
and DJ Hypno & Hype Girl

just squeaking in with a time
of 9:27.

They’ll all have to compete
in the biggest,

most challenging
Gauntlet in history

to take home
the $25,000 prize.

Ahh!

Wow, this
Gauntlet course is crazy.

It better be.

We’re not just giving away
25K all willy nilly.

Speaking of giving away
money,

are you ever gonna
pay me back?

John, focus.
It’s time to start.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."
I’m John Cena.

And I’m his work wife,
Nicole Byer.

Six of our teams have just
advanced from the Qualifier

and are still in the running
for the $25,000 prize.

And if you thought
the Qualifier was tough,

just wait until you see
our next course,

the GauntletGauntletGauntlet
GauntletGauntlet.

What are you doing?
Oh, I’m giving it an echo

for, like, dramatic effect.

We have an echo guy
to do that for us.

Wait, what? We do?
Yeah. Check this out.

The Gauntlet.

Oh, we don’t have an echo guy.

We needed room in the budget
for my personal sushi chef.

Got it.

You have
a personal sushi chef?

Oh, just for lunch hours.
It’sdo the echo thing.

The
GauntletGauntletGauntlet...

Gauntlet.

The Gauntlet will be done
in two heats.

Each heat three teams
competing at the same time

will be practically
climbing over one another,

starting at the CarousHell.

Then it’s a foot race
through the disgusting mud

pits and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.

And finally the Pummel Pool,

where the choice between
the revolving French fries

and the giant
spinning lollipop

could make or break it all.

The first team to have both
members

cross the finish line
moves on to the Wipeout Zone.

Let’s head down to the course.

The teams competing in the
first heat are daddydaughter

duet the Kaluzas,

DJ Hypno and his Hype Girl
girlfriend...

Whoo!
And last but not least,

BFFs the Spiritual Healers.

I don’t need to have
any more kids. Do I?

No.
Eh.

No.
Two’s enough, I think.

Yeah, two’s enough.

Some would say
it’s two kids too many.

All right, you guys,
congratulations.

Welcome to the Gauntlet.

Yeah!
Whoo!

Here we go. Three. Two. One.

First up, an 18foot drop.
Oh, my gosh.

I’m going.
So wait.

Oh, gosh.

Spiritual Healers first
out of the gate.

The spirit moved her.
Eww, and dropped her.

She was not hesitating.
Neither is her partner.

Oh, she’s got it.
Yes, Eileen!

She lands on the platform
the first time around.

Here comes DJ
Hypno and Daddy Kaluza.

It’s officially
a dance party.

First we dropped the beat,
and then came the funk.

Come on, John. Keep going.

I can’t move.
Oh, is it your muscles?

No, it’s the jacket.
Oh.

Hype Girl takes the stage.
Oh, my God.

Oh! Followed by a dive.

Eileen the first person
to take a swing

on the CarousHell.
She’s aiming for the platform,

but there’s a sweeper bar
blocking her way.

Ah!
Hang on!

Yeah! Come on, Eileen!

Ooh!
Yeah!

And she makes it!
Oh, my God.

Grace sticks the drop.
Woohoo!

Oh, shoot.
I got to getoh, no.

But she overcelebrates
and misses her stop.

Show her some grace.

She’s been through
CarousHell and back.

And her dad is like
a real life

Will Ferrell character
in old face.

Come on, Grace, honey.
Give me a G. Give me an R.

Oh, no!

Give me an,
"Hey, be quiet, Daddy."

Spiritual Sabrina goes for
a second attempt

and finally aligns
with the landing.

Let’s go, baby.
Keep breathing.

Meditation 101.

Make sure you’re breathing.
Meditation 102.

Keep breathing, Bina.
Advanced meditation.

Oh! And just can’t become
one with the sweeper bar.

Just keep breathing.
Duck. Duck. Duck.

Goose! Sorry, I had to.

DJ Hypno keeps
the record spinning.

Justin right behind
the green team.

Oh, no, no, no!

The Kaluzas
are Kalosing steam.

And Justin’s hanging on
to a dream.

Trying to catch up
with the green.

Yeah, Justin. Nice.

But what’s he doing
highfiving another team?

It’s obscene!

Wait, should we
drop an album?

I think we should
just drop this bit.

Fair enough.
There we go. There we go.

Sabrina has finally put her
spiritual fingers to work.

And the green team
has survived CarousHell.

Spiritual Helpers came
in second in the Qualifier

and have now taken the lead,

the first team
to tackle the Messy Mile.

Come on, babe. Come on, babe.
Come on, babe.

Holy crap.
And unless Hype Girl

can make the first platform,

they’ll have
a pretty decent lead.

Let it pull you.

DJ Hypno’s voice
is helpfully hypnotic.

I’ve also been told I have
a hypnotic voice.

Just because you put people
to sleep

doesn’t mean
you’re hypnotic, baby.

He put her into a trance
to advance.

But the Spiritual Healers are
showing no signs of stopping.

My hands are too slippery.

She’s definitely gonna have
to cleanse

more than her aura after that.

DJ Hypno working on
his latest track,

AKA the Messy Mile.

Green team
has a decent lead,

but the yellow team
is catching up quickly.

Aw, damn, the slime.

Ooh, do you think
that slime is vegan?

Really, Nicole? You’re
setting up a vegan joke?

How cheesy.

Also terrible,

Gary and Grace’s
performance thus far.

But they’re not giving up.

Looks like Father Slow Time
has past his prime again.

Up ahead,
the Spiritual Healers

have made it to Mount Wipeout.

You’re kidding.
We don’t kid on this show.

And the fact that
DJ Hypno & Hype Girl

have
caught up to you is no joke.

Green team is making their
way towards the Pummel Pool.

And into the Holy Water.

They are too blessed
to be stressed.

Push. Push. Push.

Not sure stressfree is
a good strategy, John.

Because here comes DJ
Hypno & Hype Girl.

Come on. They’re catching up.

And Eileen has cleared
Big Ball andI jinxed her.

You jinxed her.
- Jinx!

Great.
Now neither of us can talk.

That’sthat’s good TV
right there.

You got this. Yes!

Sabrina’s charged with
positive energy

as she clears
the Big Ball with ease.

And on to the platform.

Where do I go from here?

This the hardest and
tastiest part

of the Gauntlet.

She must choose between
the fast fries

or the lollipop.

After this snack, she’ll be
one pink ball away

from the finish line.

Looking like she’s about
to lick the lollipop.

Eww, and she choked on it.

DJ Hypno keeping
the party rocking.

They’ve made progress

but don’t have a second
to spare

if they want to take the lead
from the Spiritual Healers.

Yes! Yes!
It’s anybody’s game.

Well, anybody
but the Kaluzas.

They’re still in last.
Ouch.

The Sweeper may have
had daddy issues.

Eileen trying the fries.
Remember,

Eileen, these fries
are not ketofriendly.

But she makes it
through, and...

There you go.

Oh, hang on. Hang on.
Oh, shoot! Hang on, girl.

But she pulls herself up.
Yes!

And she got it.
Not wanting to fall behind,

Hype Girl
tries to find the beat.

But ends up
getting a beatdown.

Let me play that back.

Eileen makes the last leap
over the final Big Ball.

And we have our first person
to make it to the finish line.

You did it!

She just means the stars
to align...

Yes!
And her partner to join her,

and they’re going
to the Wipeout Zone.

I don’t think I could have
done this without breathing.

Yeah. You definitely
need to breathe.

Everyone please continue
to breathe.

This really puts the pressure
on DJ Hypno & Hype Girl.

Come on. Come on.

There you go, babe.
Come on! Yeah!

As they hiphop
and butt slap

their way towards
the finish line.

Yes!

Spiritual Healers
just need Sabrina

to make it to the finish line
for the win.

I feel like my energy’s
all with her.

Yes.

Like, it just wants
to hold her hand.

Yes. Yes.

We’re sending you
the positive vibes, babe.

I’m feeling
the positive vibes.

Oh, me too. Or I’m hungry.

It’s just so hard
to tell the difference.

Giving you the strength.

That energy went the wrong
way and wiped out Justin.

Oh, Sabrina, you got this.
Do it for Buddha.

Sabrina takes off through
the fries and makes it across.

Whoo!
It worked! Yes!

Over the last Big Ball

and on her way
to the Wipeout Zone.

No doubt. Whoo!
Congratulations.

One step closer to that 25,000.
Okay, I need a massage.

You’re going to
the Wipeout Zone.

Oh, my God, I love you.

Aww.
Love you.

We made it.
Back to you guys.

Spiritual Healers will be
heading to the Wipeout Zone.

Who will be joining them?

Find out in the next heat
of the Gauntlet.

"Wipeout" is real.
"Wipeout" is very real.

"Wipeout" is very for real.

Expodentially. Uhoh.
Exponentially.

Exponentionally.
Exponentially.

Exponentionally.
Like, eventually.

Exponentially.

Exponentially.
Yes.

Oh, boy.

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"
everyone.

We’re halfway
through the second course

of the deliciously
grueling Gauntlet

and getting ready
for heat number two.

Speaking of heatooh,

it’s getting pretty
hot in here.

Can you take
your shirt off, please?

Nicole, you know
what Sharon from HR said.

Ugh. Sharon can be
such a Karen sometimes.

Oh, look at her over there,
staring at me disapprovingly

as she writes in the ittybitty
little notebook of hers.

Let’s focus on
the task at hand,

the second heat
of the Gauntlet.

Teams competing in this heat

are newlyweds the
Newslyweds...

Fire performers
Almost Flamous...

And longtime loves
the Old and the Restless.

Congratulations on making it
to the Gauntlet, you guys.

Whoo! Yeah! "Wipeout."

Three. Two. One.

Crotch crunch for days
right here.

Underrated exercise,
the crotch crunch.

Also happens to be the name
of my least favorite cereal.

Newslywed Jonathan lands
right on his nuptials

and hangs on take make it
to the next platform.

That’s my man.

The Newslyweds are
looking live

and not wasting any time
as Caitlin makes the drop

followed by
a successful landing.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
You got it, babe.

Flawless start to the
Gauntlet for the blue team.

Emma tries to spark something
for Team Almost Flamous.

But doesn’t quite catch.

Vaughn from team
Old and the Restless...

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it.

I am.
Hold it.

Showing off his
youthful vigor.

You got it.

Well, let’s see if his
longtime partner David,

who is several years
his senior, can keep up.

The Old and the Restless.

Remind you
a little of us, John?

Yeah, a little.

Which one am I?
Cue the sprinklers,

because Jesse just got
the fire going for Team

Almost Flamous
with that successful drop.

Oh, but he quickly
gets put out by the fan.

Newslywed Jonathan
hitches himself

to the hanging triangle
and narrowly misses

an impact with the
sweeper bar

before making it to the end
of the CarousHell.

Ow.

Ooh, frick.

Vigorous Vaughn from
team Old and the Restless

putting even more of a gap
between him

and his older partner David.

Good work, dude.
Thank you.

Let it hit you.
Let it hit you. Let it hit you.

Correspondent Caitlin

at the end of the CarousHell.

Yes. Let’s go. Let’s go.

And the Newslyweds take
the lead

and move on to the Messy Mile.
Oh, freak.

Did he say "oh, freak"?
Yeah.

The TVtrained Caitlin surely
let him know

that it’s never
a good look to cuss on air.

Oh, shoot.

Well, that’s
adorable.

Freaking push it.

Meanwhile,
Jesse has officially escaped

the hungry fires of Hell.

The CarousHell that is.

Come on, David. You got this.

Vaughn trying to invigorate
his older counterpart David,

who is really showing his age
at the top of the course.

Oh!

It’s okay, David.
You got this.

Face it, Vaughn.
David is Leonardo DiCaprio,

and you are insert current
younger girlfriend’s name her.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
Almost Flamous successfully

completes the first part
of the Gauntlet.

Good job.
Holy crap. Okay, let’s go.

Let’s do it.
Then they find themselves

right
in the middle of the heat.

It’s where they’re
the most comfortable.

But they’d better hurry up

if they want to make
it in time

to catch the Newslyweds.
See what I did?

Yeah. I heard you.

The news host and her hubby
are taking a commanding lead

as they scale Mount Wipeout

and enter the last part
of the course...

Oh, golly.
The Pummel Pool.

Still at the start line,
David is not giving up

as he holds on
to the CarousHell

with all his might.

His oneaday vitamins
must have just kicked in.

Halleloo.
David is showing

some real agility now.

You can teach
an old dude new tricks.

Come on. Come on.

He finally reunites
with his man.

Whoo!
Vaughn was waiting so long.

This MayDecember romance

is more like a
SeptemberDecember thing now.

Caitlin and Jonathan better

wrap up their story quickly,

because Team Almost Flamous
are hot on their heels,

while The Old and the
Restless in dead last

try to get through
the Messy Mile fast.

Which way should we go?
This way.

The Newslyweds got to make
a decision

before they lose their lead.

Orange team’s coming.

.
Or the fries get cold.

No one wants cold fries.

I believe in you.
Is there a little gap?

He’s going for it.
Uhoh.

Oh, frick.
Eeeeeeeeee.

Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot.
Nope. I’m not doing that.

Nope. That was enough.

Well, there’s no smoke
and mirrors.

Almost Flamous has actually
caught up with the Newslyweds.

Jonathan salt shakes
through the French fries.

And he makes it through.
There you go!

This ain’t no
rehearsal dinner.

A win might be on the menu
for the Newslyweds.

And Jonathan
and the Newslyweds

is the first
to complete the Gauntlet.

That was so good.

David from Team Old
and the Restless

showing off
some surprising mobility

getting over that pink ball.

Ooh. Just watch that hip.

You know,
The Old and the Restless

had the secondslowest time
in the Qualifier,

but now they’re really
coming from behind.

I love when that happens.
You got it?

Yeah.

And Jesse
from Almost Flamous

burns those French fries.

Oh!

Jesse blazes through
the final obstacle...

Jesse!
To complete the Gauntlet.

Good stuff, dude.
High five?

No. Slimy high five hands.
Slimy.

That’s freaking hard.
I’ve got both of the guys

waiting for their ladies.

Who is going
to the Wipeout Zone?

Get it, Emma!
Get on the next spot.

I’m waiting.
David and Vaughn

are making this interesting.

They’re just two obstacles
away from the finish line.

Ooh. I don’t know about that.
Vaughn.

Yes.
You could be here too,

and then
it’s anybody’s game, baby.

Vigorous Vaughn
gives the lollipop a whirl.

At this point, everyone’s
giving it a lick.

The lollipop is too slippery.
Sweetie, go through the fries.

I’m scared of that.

It’s okay, babe. Trust me.
Go.

I’m gonna do
what my husband says.

Girl, that’s
your first mistake.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Aww.
Wipeout.

Vaughn follows his lollipop
attempt with the fries.

And with his metabolism,
why not do both?

Oh!
And he onehops

over the Big Ball
to complete the Gauntlet.

With one member of each team

waiting in
the winner’s circle,

it really is anybody’s game.

You got this, Emma!
Almost Flamous Emma

still trying to get past
that first Big Ball.

Ah!

Meanwhile,
nothing newsworthy

happening with Caitlin.

But hey, look, old man
David goes through those fries

like there’s a Bingo game
on the other side.

David is one jump...
David!

From the biggest
comefrombehind win

in the history of sports.

Will he make it
before his hip goes out?

The Old and the Restless
didn’t watch all those

Jane Fonda videos for nothing.

I think they’ve got it.

That Super Strength BENGAY
got them this far.

And they did it.

The Old and the Restless
pull off the ultimate upset!

Shoot.

I thought you guys
were finishing last.

You came in,
but you’re here to win.

You’re going
to the Wipeout Zone.

The odd
couple have beat the odds.

Jesse and Jon, maybe it’s time
to rethink your relationships.

25 grand is almost
in your hands.

Back to you guys.

The Old and the Restless

just pulled off
a comeback for the ages.

They are headed to the
Wipeout Zone

against the Spiritual Healers

to compete
for the $25,000 prize.

Grab your popcorn now,
because the Wipeout Zone

is too epic to be missed.

Agile. Mobile.

Soaking wet.

This place looks insane.
Balls and gears.

Oh, and that game you play
at Cracker Barrel.

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"
America.

After a very close Gauntlet
round, it’s anybody’s game.

Only two teams remain
in the running

for the $25,000 grand prize.

Nicole, how excited are you?

I would check, John,
but this is a family show, so

No need to check.

I’ll just use my imagination.
Eww.

It’s time
for the Wipeout Zone.

We’ve made it to the top of
the mountain:

The Wipeout Zone.

This colossal course
is made up of four stages

done delaystyle

with each contestant
attempting two obstacles.

The first team member
will get shot out

from our speeding
Silver Bullet

into freezing
cold waters below.

From there, they’ll swim
to the giant spinning Vertigo,

where they’ll attempt to
maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can leap to safety.

That’s when they’ll tag
their partner

to take on the Leap of Faith,

where they’ll have
to launch themselves

onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough, but if they
successfully make it across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge...

The Triple Threat.

If a contestant can somehow
make it good morning

one spinning hexagon
to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform

faster than their competition,

they’ll take home $25,000.

Up first are
our Spiritual Healers,

who swore their way
past the Gauntlet

to get to a higher plane,
the Wipeout Zone.

Ooh.

Three. Two. One.

Sabrina in the Silver Bullet.

It is launched, and so is
she... to Mars and back.

Maybe she can give us
some insight on

if there is life there.
Swimming extra fast..

Yeah.
As she heads into Vertigo.

Nice and slow.
Keep breathing.

Spiritual Healers
they call themselves.

Yes. Yes. Yes.
Very hippy, very dippy.

They also use journals,
you know,

to manifest their goals.
Ah!

What’s inwhat’s
in your journal?

Dear Journal, can I please,

please have a man
and some French fries?

Now, Nicole, remember,
she has to mount Vertigo,

make it to the middle,
hit the button.

That’ll get the ramp
on the other side to come down,

and then she can safely,

hopefully,
negotiate to the other side.

Oh, sugar.
You got it. You got it.

And away she goes.
Yes. Get it. Spry Sabrina.

I’d love to be thought
of as spry. Wouldn’t you, John?

She already made it
to the middle.

Wow.

You got it?
Bina!

Hold on.
Uhoh. Uhoh.

This is where it gets
a little tricky.

Make sure to get to a blue.
You got this, Bean.

Oh, she’s gonna try it.
Yes. Yes.

Almost there. Almost there.

Jump.
Yes.

She’s not gonna try it.
Uhoh.

Okay, wait one more round.

Wait one more round.
Here we go.

I think this is her attempt.
She’s gonna try it.

Yes. Yeah!

She hung on, and she made it.
Okay.

Nice..
All right, Eileen.

Oh,.
Oop.

Eileen almost just
fell right off.

Eileen ready to make
a Leap of Faith.

She’s doing the old boot scoot.

And shecomplete
with both hands.

Dang.

I think she just wanted
to get a feel for the water.

Maybe.
I know it seems fast.

I don’t know what I did
wrong, though.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You have to time
it a little earlier.

Be earlier. Be earlier.

Eileen, attempt number two
at the Leap of Faith.

A lot earlier.

Maybe this time she can
at least hit the obstacle.

Take your time.
Take your time.

She goes right for it.

And hangs on.
Yeah, Eileen!

There you go.

There you go.
Oh no.

She is gonna have
to get down.

Smart, Eileen.

All right. She doesn’t get
knocked off the obstacle.

She’s got a chance...
Yes. Yes.

To negotiate
the Leap of Faith

and skids
right off the platform.

Dang.
Look at it. Look at it.

Time it perfect.
Listen.

Where did I mess up
on that one?

Oh, a little hug.

A little visualization.
Yes.

A little strategery.
Yes.

Strategery. Manifest Destiny.

Yep.
One. Two. Three.

Ooh.
And she hangs on.

Get it early.
A less aggressive jump

will get her on the platform.

There’s on, and she hangs on.
Yes!

Yeah!
Nice job, Eileen.

That was nice.
Triple Threat to the finish.

Here we go. You got this.

Okay.

Oh,.
First threatis a threat.

Dang.
It’s real. "Wipeout" is real.

"Wipeout" is very real.
"Wipeout" is very real.

.
Ooh. Okay, Eileen.

Second threat negotiated.
One more, Eileen.

She’s hanging on. She seems
to have found her rhythm.

Yes, Eileen.

One more leap for a real shot
at $25,000.

Yes, Eileen. Dang.

So close. Yet so far away.
Come on, Eileen. You got it.

This last one’s it.

Every time you say
"Come on, Eileen,"

it costs us about $250,000.
I’m so sorry.

And it comes out of your check.
So..

It does.
Man, I’m sorry about that.

Okay.
I won’t say it again.

Come on, Eileen. I’m so sorry.

Take your time.
Yes.

Remember, you can hop back
up and down.

Yes. You got this.

You’re that bitch.
You can do it.

Take your time.

If you get stuck,
hop back onto blue.

You’re a queen.
You can do this.

One. Two. Three. Come on.
Yes, Eileen. Yes.

Yeah!
Yes!

.
Yes, Eileen! You did that.

Oh, man.
Yes. Yes.

Uhoh.
You did it.

How do you feel right now?
You did it.

Hey, she nailed it.

She did nail it. Stop it.
That’s a different show.

I am so grateful.

You are so huggy.

With a time of 13:32

for the Spiritual Healers,
David and Vaughn

will have to give it
all they’ve got.

Hopefully, no one from AARP
is watching.

David could lose his benefits.

Oh, the Wipeout Zone.

It’s like "The Twilight Zone,"
only wet.

Welcome back to the
Wipeout Zone,

where one of these two teams
is about to be $25,000 richer.

Yeah, but don’t forget,
mo’ money, mo’ problems.

Ah, that’s deep.
That should be a song.

Oh, Johnny Boy, we got to
get you from under that rock.

David and his young
goliath Vaughn

will have to beat the time
of 13:32

in order to take home the W.

W for win, not wipeout.
Keep up, people.

Up next is David,
the Old to Vaughn’s Restless.

These two pulled off
an upset in the Gauntlet.

Can they do the same here
in the Wipeout Zone?

Three. Two. One.

Off he goes. And big splat.

Ooh.
Nice landing.

Yes.
It’s a 20foot drop

from the rocket.

You know David and I
are the same age.

Wow.
Yeah.

So you’re both, what, 62? 73?
Around there.

Aroundroundabouts.

Come on, David. You got this.

He looks genuinely afraid.

Yes.
He’s deep in thought.

Honestly, too much thought.

Maybe David’s just
going to do it.

He’s thinking about it.
Uhuh.

He just wants tohe just
wants

a little touchyfeely first.

I can’t., I can’t. I can’t.
I can’t. I can’t. Oh, my God.

Come on, David.
Fudge.

Well, if David’s not gonna
do his job,

I won’t do mine.

Well, contractually,
you kind of have to.

Ah.
Yeah, you’re right.

Come on, David. You can do it!

Whoo!
Double thumbs up from David.

Still no movement.

Come on.
Now, remember, Nicole,

he only has ten minutes...

Yes.
To negotiate Vertigo.

Correct.

And then Vaughn
will just get to go.

Ah, I still get jump.
Come on, David. Keep pushing.

Just try it one time.

And there it is.

David has negotiated
Vertigo by avoidance.

It’s me.
The Old and the Restless

timed out in the first half,
after ten minutes,

and now Vaughn only has three
and a half minutes

to beat
the Spiritual Healers’ time.

Vaughn makes his first attempt
at the Leap of Faith.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Yes.
He made it.

Vaughn. Yes.
He made it.

Vaughn. Yes. Vaughn.
He held on.

Yes.
These underdogs

could come through again,
with another upset.

Whoo!
Yes.

A Triple Threat
to the finish line.

Here we go, Vaughn. Come on.
Yes.

We getting a drink
after this.

Hey.
Oh, Vaughn. Ooh.

Oh, nice. Agile.
Mobile.

Soaking wet.

So, Vaughn is going all in...

Yes.
On the bold strategy

of not using your arms...

Yes.
And not bending your knees.

Yes.
Hold on. Don’t go.

Really?
I know.

I shouldn’t be giving you
any advice.

Ready?
Now.

David’s like us. He’s more of
an armchair quarterback.

Oh, boy.
He would be a good coach.

Yes. I believe so.

Not a good player.
Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, my gosh.
Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.

He’s still hanging on.
Yes. Hold on.

He somehow is hanging on.
Oh, my God.

Yeah!

Hold on! Hold on!
I’m trying to!

Hold on!
Shut up!

He is in the middle of
defying physics, but no longer.

You almost had it. Let’s go.

Vaughn’s only response
to David

should
be giving him the finger.

Correct.

Vaughn doesn’t
have much time.

He has to make this or
the Spiritual Healers will win.

I’m gonna buy you a new pair
of shoes if you make it.

Oh? I mean, shoot.

I want some breakfast
for dinner.

He just needs to make this
last jump, and they’ll win.

Whoo!
Hold on!

Hold on! Pull yourself up!
Come on, Vaughn!

Oh, Vaughn.
Come on, Vaughn! Pull up.

Come on! You can go it!

Keep pulling yourself up!
You can to it!

I can’t.
Oh, Vaughn.

Please don’t fall.
I can’t.

That left hand is slipping.
And that’s it.

The Spiritual Healers,
congratulations.

You’ve just won.
Yes!

$25,000.

Oh, my God.
Yes.

Spiritual Healers win.
It’s a wrap, like a yoga mat.

My chakras are going crazy
right now.

That’s all we have for you
tonight, America.

John, I mean,
what else could they want?

We’re giving out 25K a week,

and they get to see this
lovely, lovely face.

That’s true.
Make sure you join us

and a new group
of contestants next week

as they compete
for the $25,000 prize.

Till then, I’m John Cena.

And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byer

saying good night
and Big Balls.