Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 13 - Labor Pains - full transcript

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Boy, Helen.

Nobody makes
a tuna melt like you.

Thanks, Brian.

Yeah. Suppose
you could take that

as compliment, couldn't you?

Hm.

Ugh. What is
this ratty thing?

Uh, uh, nothing. Just give it
back to me, okay? Come on.

Why is this so important
to you, Brian?

You know, if I didn't
know any better,



I would say that looks just like
that stupid blue blanket

that you used to carry
around when we were kids.

Oh, my God.

It's not...

my blanket.

It's what's left of it.

Well, well, well.

Mr. Ladies' Man.

Mr. Leather Jacket.

Mr. Daredevil Pilot.
Uh-huh.

Still carries around
his wee widdle boo banky.
No.

It is a good luck charm,
all right?
Oh.

You know, like some people
carry a rabbit's foot.

Other people carry
a four-leaf clover...



Yes, but you see,
nobody

carries around
a widdle boo banky.

You've had your laugh,
all right? Just give it to me.

Uh, you know,
I was wondering,

do you mind if I just
hang onto this for a while

'cause I could use
a little luck of my own?

Fine, take it. It's not
like I need it anyway.

Fine. It's
not important, okay?

Great.

Mm.

( phone rings, plane flies
overhead )

Just gonna get change
for a dollar.

It's okay.

My blanky was yellow.

( upbeat piano theme playing )

Hey. Good morning,
everybody!
Hello.

How was your trip
to Boston?

Oh, it was great.
What a vacation.

I ended up spending the whole
time with my friend Dewey.

Oh, that guy with
the thing on his ear?

Thing? What--?
What kind of a thing?

Oh, you'd swear he was wearing
this big, dangly earring

till you realize it's just
this weird piece of skin

just hanging there.

El "pass-o"
on the pork links.

Uh...

Uh, does Dewey still work
at Logan Airport?

Yes, and boy,
do they pay him well.

Uh, he makes
almost twice as much

as I do for the exact same job.

That does not
seem fair.

Well, you know, he's always
been blessed.

I mean, he's got a great job
and a neat car.

He's got that cool hangy thing
on his ear.

What a chick magnet.

Oh, no.
No, no, Lowell,

I meant that
it does not seem fair

that he should make
so much more than you.

Yeah, that's what Dewey said.

As a matter of fact,
there's a job opening up there,

and he said that he could
get it for me.

They offered you a job?

This is the perfect chance

to ask Roy and Joe
for a raise.

FAY:
That's right.
You've got the leverage now.

Just call a meeting with
those fat cats in management.

Use this job offer
as a cudgel

and pound away till
the swine bleed nickels.

Well, now we know.

Apparently Jimmy Hoffa
was buried inside Fay.

LOWELL:
You know what?

That's a good point.

I am gonna ask for a raise.

You know what, Fay?

You tell Joe I wanna
see him right now.

There's no time
like the present.

Uh, uh, Lowell.
Joe's on a flight.

He won't be back
till 12:30.

Well, then there's
no time like 12:30.

And-- And you tell Roy to have
his sorry butt in there too.

Well--
Roy's at lunch.

And his sorry butt won't be here
till a little after 1.

Well, then there's no time
like a little after 1.

Now you keep
that attitude,

you're gonna
get that raise.

I've got a better chance
of becoming a Rockette.

( upbeat theme playing )

Well, wish me luck,
Antonio.

I'm going in
to ask for my raise.

Not so fast.

Oh, okay.

Lowell. Lowell. Lowell,
I mean it.

Don't rush in there.

Making them wait
gives you the upper hand.

Well, I like
the sound of that.

Well, what else
should I know?

Don't talk first.

I'm sorry, I thought
you were finished.

No, Lowell.

I mean...don't talk
before they do.

Whoever talks first
loses.

And another thing:

always ask for something
you have no hope of getting.

You'll look good
when you give it up.

Boy. How do you know
so much about business?

It's the one section
of the paper

people always leave
in my cab.

Finally, make sure
you get in the last word.

Got it?

Okay. All right.

Uh, make them wait,

something, something...

and get in the last word.

All right. Well, listen,

I would love to stay
and talk about this,

but I don't wanna keep
Joe and Roy waiting.

Okay?

Lowell.

Maybe we better
go over this one more time.

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh, where the hell
is Lowell?

I don't know.

He was supposed to
be here ten minutes ago.

Are you actually into
all this flying stuff,

or is this just for show?

Oh, no, no, no.
I really love it.

Yeah, for instance,
that model you hold there

is a Douglas DC-3.

That plane completely changed
commercial aviation.

I don't doubt it. There's
a cow at the controls.

Yeah. Oh, that's right.

You know when
Brian and I were kids,

he broke the head
off the pilot,

so I stole a cow
from his train set.

( laughing )

Very funny story actually,
but I won't bore you.

Too late.

What's up, Lowell?

Ah-ha! You talked first.

What is this
all about?

Well, I'll tell you what
it's all about, Roy.

Think I do a heck
of a job around here...

so I'd like more money

and a candy-apple red
Corvette Convertible.

No chance in hell.

Okay, I'll give in
on the Vette.

Saps.

Let's move on to my raise,
shall we?

Joe, Roy...

I'm writing down
a figure.

No.

You had your salary
review last month.

Ah. That was before
I was offered

a very attractive position
at Logan Airport.

Better hours,
better benefits,

and they're willing to pay me
the amount of money

on this piece
of paper.

Will you match it?

Lowell, that's more
money than I make.

You're kidding?

( chuckles )

Well, unless you can
meet the figure

on this piece
of paper,

you're gonna be looking
for a new mechanic.

And with these last words,
I bid you...

goodbye.

Fine. Goodbye.

See you later.

Later.

Much later.

Damn, I hate to
lose Lowell,

but...there's
just no way

I can afford to pay him
what he wants.

Oh. And you wonder why you have
only one plane and I have seven.

We're gonna keep him
without paying a dime.

All we need to do is...

turn on the old
schmoozola.

We'll wine him,
we'll dine him.

You know, we'll make him feel
like he's part of the family.

Even if he is the weird cousin
we keep in the basement.

Roy...there's no way
that Lowell

is gonna be bought off
with schmoozola.

He wants a raise.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
One plane.

Seven planes.

I'll get us a table
at La Maison.

Wait. Oh, wait,
wait, wait.

Wait. That place
costs a fortune.

It's a drop in the bucket

compared with giving
Lowell what he wants.

I can't afford it.

( chuckles ):
Yeah, I know.

Look, we'll split the bill
down the middle.

We'll get double receipts.

And we'll both write off
the full amount.

Isn't that kind of
cheating the government?

One. Seven.

( upbeat theme playing )

Ah, Lowell.
Lowell, tell me.

I have to know.

How did it go
with Joe and Roy?

Well...I'm not
exactly sure.

And they never gave me
a final answer,

but, uh, they did
ask me to dinner.

Ah-ha. We have
just entered

the phase two
of the negotiations.

Look, they are
trying to

soften you up
with a dinner

so you will forget
about your raise.

I-- I don't know what
the word is in English,

but in Italy
we call this "schmoozola."

They will try to take
advantage of you.

So instead, you must take
advantage of them.

How am I supposed
to do that?

Easy. Order the best food,
the most expensive wine.

And when it comes time
to talk deal, hang tough.

Your demands
are non-negotiable.

Remember, you already
have a job

waiting for you
in Boston.

Right. Right.

There's only one problem.

I-- I don't wanna
go to Boston.

I-- I mean, I like it
here in Nantucket.

A-all my friends are here.

All my stuff's here.

All my tools are here--

Lowell, Lowell, Lowell.

You-- You won't
have to go.

All you have to do

is to make them think
you want to go.

They will never
let you leave.

Ah. Uh, all right.

If you think that'll work.

Oh, it will.
Trust me.

So...where are they
taking you anyway?

La Maison.
La Maison, of course.

Where else would
they take you, heh,

Captain Willie's
Clam and Brew?

It's a good thing
they're not.

Otherwise I'd be
putty in their hands.

Maybe we better go over
this one more time.

( sustained beep )

( sings in tune
with beep )

( turns off beep )

I know what you want.

You want your blanky.

It is not a blanky.

it is a good luck charm.

And, yes,
I would like it back.

Because in the course
of one afternoon,

I have lost my wallet,
dinged my car,

and for some unknown reason,

I cannot get the music from
Final Jeopardy out of my head.

I'm sorry.

It was cruel of me
to take it from you.

Here.
But just remember:

The next time you strut
through the airport

like top dog
of the Kennel Club,

I'll know the real
Brian Hackett's

just a scared little
five-year-old boy

curled up
in his bunk bed

with his thumb
in his mouth.

( door opens )

Am not.

( upbeat theme playing )

Do you believe
these prices?

Look at this:
"melon in season, $18"

What, do they have
the only one?

Here he comes.

Now, remember...he gets
anything he wants...

except a raise.

Welcome, my friend.

Hi, Roy.

Hey there, Lowell.
Hi, Joe.

I think you'll really
enjoy this place.

Oh, I'm enjoying it
already.

They give you a tie
at the door.

Yeah. I remember
coming here

when I was a kid,
with my dad.

We-- We would stand outside,

and he'd press my little face
against the window.

Everybody looked
so rich and happy.

Then he'd put his hand
on my shoulder and he'd say,

"Son, with any luck,
someday

you'll be serving
these people."

Why don't we
go ahead and order.

Yeah, before anyone
gets too hungry.

( snapping fingers )

I love this place.

Always a toady
within earshot.

May I take your order?

Certainly.

Let's see.

I'll have
the French onion soup...

and the crab cakes.

See, Hackett,
that wasn't so bad.

I'll have the--

Followed by
the shrimp cocktail,

some of this pâté here.

And I think the sautéed
mushroom caps would be nice.

Lowell, uh, are you ordering
or just reciting the menu?

( chuckles )

That's a good one, Joe.

Ah, that's all for me.

Finally.

Uh, I'll have the--

LOWELL:
On second
thought,

these oysters are looking
rather appealing tonight.

Uh, bring me all 24,
waiter.

Uh, sir, uh, 24
is the price.

And that's a dozen.

I believe 12 is a dozen.

( calm theme playing )

Would the gentleman care
for another bottle of wine?

No, I don't think so.

Thank God.

Gotta save room for that
100-year-old Napoleon brandy.

He's killing us.

He's killing us.--
Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Lowell.

We're hoping that this evening
has proven to you

what a valued member you are
of the Aeromass and, uh-- Uh--

Sandpiper.

Eh, right. Aeromass
and Sandpiper families.

And that our relationship
is more than just business.

Oh.

It's a friendship.

To friendship.
( Roy chuckles )

So we're in agreement.

We'll continue
our relationship as is.

Absolutely.
Hm-hm.

Just as long
as I get my raise.

Lowell, listen...

I would like nothing better
than to give you a raise,

but...
Ah.

...you know the kind
of year I've had.

I-- Money is so tight.

Hey, you know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking that there
must be something else

that'll make
this young man happy.

I said, I think
there must be

something else that'll
make this young man happy.

I'm sorry to be
so forward, but...

you have just made
every other man

in this restaurant
completely disappear.

( clearing throat )

I'm sorry to be
so forward, but...

you have just made
every other man

in this restaurant
completely disappear.

Oh, brother.

I'm not paying for this.

I'm Marsha Peebles.

It's like pebbles,
but with an extra E,

one less B,
and a capital P.

Which stands for "pool."

Hackett-- Excuse us.

Uh, I'm Lowell
Mather.

That's motor with
an extra A, H and E,

and no Os.

( giggles )

A hooker, Roy?
A hooker?
( sighs )

Oh, grow up.

Lowell is on the ropes,
and she's the clincher.

As a matter of fact,
that happens to be her nickname.

Mm-hm.

Now, sit down, shut up,
and don't mess up this deal.

Boy, you guys are never
gonna believe this,

but Marsha here just broke up
with her boyfriend.

Oh, yeah, that's
hard to believe.
Oh.

Look...uh...
let's talk business.

Now, it's hard to put
a price on friendship, but I--

I've been
taken care of.

Not you.

Lowell, I honestly cannot
afford to pay you any more.

And I'm not coughing up
another penny.

Look. You guys know
my price is non-negotiable.

If you can't meet
my figure,

then I'm gonna have to
take that job in Boston.

Well. Then, uh,
I guess you should.

Go?

You mean-- You mean,
like, really go?

Yep. Sorry, Lowell.

Well, I guess there's
nothing else to say.

Marsha,
we're leaving.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.
She's not going anywhere.

Roy, you're not
the boss of her.

Lowell, he, uh,
sort of is.

See...

Roy paid for her.

She sort of...comes
with the dinner.

Wow, this really is
a good restaurant.

( calm theme playing )

( starts engine )

So...how did it go
with Joe and Roy?

Did you do
what I told you?

Yes, I-- I did.

And they told me
to go to Boston.

( chuckles )

This is perfect.

What're you talking
about, Antonio?

You know I don't
wanna go to Boston.

I-it's big, it's cold,
it's impersonal.

Boston scares me.

Nothing scares me. Just Boston.

Well, Boston and spiders.

Lowell.

Okay, Boston, spiders,

and the sound that a can makes

when it drops out of
the soda machine.

You know, I ought to just
forget the whole thing

and stay on at my old salary.

No, you can't.
Now, that's just what

they are expecting you
to do, Lowell.

It is?
Yes.

This is phase three:
the waiting game.

They think you're
going to crack.

I gotta agree with 'em.

No. No. No, no.

We are going to
make them crack first.

How?

Make them believe
you are moving to Boston.

Show them you are not afraid
to walk out the door.

All right. you're the expert.

Any other questions?

Yeah.

Do you know where
Marsha Peebles lives?

( upbeat theme playing )

Aeromass flight 19
to Boston

will be departing
in five minutes.

And for those of you traveling
with small children...

my condolences.

That's your flight,
Lowell.

Better hurry up
and say your goodbyes.

I'm not holding it for you.

Oh, right. My flight.

Uh, isn't there anything else
that you wanted to say to me,

Roy, before I go
to Boston?

Oh, yeah, that's right, uh--

Leave the key to the men's room
on my counter.

Lowell, I'm gonna
miss you.

And I just want you
to know--

( voice cracks ):
Oh. Oh.

Take care.

Wow. Tears, Fay.

Nice touch.

So, Lowell...
have they broken down

and given you
your raise yet?

No, and my flight leaves
in five minutes.

Ah, this is
my favorite part.

Phase four:
the final countdown.

You're not worried,
are you?

Uh, no. No, absolutely not.

But I-I have
one small question.

Um, if I'm not going anywhere,

then why did they hire
a new mechanic?

Oh, simple.

To scare you
into staying.

He's probably not even
a real mechanic.

God, they're good.

Yeah. But we are
better.

Okay. It's time for me
to go to work.

Later you can buy me dinner
with your new raise.

Oh, good,
you're still here.

My flight was
a little late.

I was afraid
I'd miss you.

So, Joe, you had something
to say to me, did you?

Yeah, of course.

I wanted to wish you
good luck in Boston.

That's it?

Uh, Joe, it's Walter
in the tower.

Oh, I gotta take that.

Oh, uh, Lowell?

Yeah?

Don't forget to leave
the men's room key.

Ooh-kay.

Oh. You must be
the new mechanic.

Right.
Gil Cooper.

Lowell Mather.

So, Gil,
if you're a mechanic,

I suppose you know
how to change

a Loran sensor
on a Cessna 402.

What's the matter, Gil?

You don't know how, do you?

Well, sure.

You reach behind
the altimeter

and feel for
the metal Y-Connector.

Unplug the left side,
find the blue wire,

thread it through
the new sensor housing,

reseal, plug in
the test coordinates,

and you're in business.

The blue wire?

Announcing the final
boarding call

for Aeromass flight 19
to Boston.

That's you,
Mather.

Hey, Lowell, I packed you
a little something.

We're really gonna
miss you.

Brian.

Lowell's leaving.

Hey, Lowell-y. Hey.

Um...we all
chipped in and, uh,

I was elected
to go buy you a gift.

But I totally
screwed up, so...

here.

Buy yourself
something nice.

Thanks for
the going-away present.

Last call.
Move it or lose it.

All right.
I-I'm leaving.

HELEN: Bye, Lowell.
ROY: Bye, Lowell.

I'm going--
I'm going to Boston.

I'm leaving
Nantucket.

Bye, Lowell.
Leaving
all my stuff.

ROY: Bye.
All my friends are here.

Okay.

Going to Beantown.

Bye.

( phone rings )

( quiet theme playing )

But I have tried listening
to country music.

I just don't get it.

Oh, come on. It's
about real people.

It's about real sad people.

What about those song titles?

"If the Phone Rings
and No One's There, It's Me."

I mean, what is that?

Come on. It's sort of
existential.
Riddle?

Come on.
It's not existential. It's a--

What the hell is
Lowell doing here?

Lowell?

Morning.

Why aren't you
in Boston?

Ah. Why would
I be?

Well, because you moved
there yesterday

to start a new job.

Now, why would I do that?

I'm perfectly happy here.

Now, if you'll
excuse me,

I have to get these barrels
down to the ferry.

But, Lowell,
you know,

we already hired
your replacement.

Or don't you remember
Gil either?

Gil...
Gil...

( knocking on drum )

Lowell...what's in
that oil drum?

Just some junk we don't need
around here anymore.

( knocking on drum )

Someone's
in there.

No, he's-- There's not!

Oh, my God.

Hey. Gil.

Are you in there?

( knocks twice on drum )

Oh, Lowell.

If you wanted to
keep your job,

why didn't you
just ask me?

Has anyone seen
Antonio?

They're towing
his cab.

( knocking on drum )

Tsk.

Antonio...
Antonio...

( upbeat piano theme playing )