Will & Grace (1998–…): Season 9, Episode 6 - Rosario's Quinceanera - full transcript

Sorry I'm late, but I got
here as soon as I wanted to.

Karen, now that I'm working here,

I think we need to have a little chat

about getting here on time.

You know, I spent half the morning

trying to track down Rosario.

I don't know where she went.

She never takes a day off
unless it's Christmas

or "maids eat free" day at Applebee's.

Can't you just phone the vet
and have them track her chip?

Not if she's outside the perimeter.



- I was kidding.
- Maybe she's tired.

When was the last time
she had a vacation?

She just took a vacation.
She went to the wine country.

You made her pick grapes.

Oops.

Here she is.

Okay, Rosie, you've got some
nerve, not showing up for work.

You better be in the hospital.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

That's a good excuse.

She's in the hospital.

It was a heart attack.

Looks like she'll pull through it.



Jack's in with her now.

Ugh, what a relief.

You wanna know what's a little weird?

My chest is feeling tight.

I'm feeling pain in my right arm.

If you were having a heart attack,

you'd feel pain in your left arm.

Ow!

Maybe don't make this about you.

You really want those
to be the last words

you ever say to me?

What...

- Oh, cool, we got the place.
- What are you talking about?

I took over the lease
of the office next to you.

- We just doubled our space.
- You signed a lease?

Yeah, hey, want to go down
to the cafeteria

and sneak frozen yogurt out
in pill cups?

That's a little surprising to me.

That is? I've seen you eat
an entire rotisserie chicken

standing in the check-out line.

No, that you signed a lease
without talking to me.

Why? We agreed we needed more space,

and I had to move fast.

He'll figure it out.

Oh, it's after 10:00. It's after 10:00.

It's after 10:00.

Can someone please
give Rosario her jello?

All she had to do was hold out
until 10:00 for her jello!

Please give Rosario her jello!

Oh, thank you.

She said I could have her jello.

Why do I feel like
you're not happy about this?

Because I'm not.
You really should have asked me

before signing anything.

Asked you? I'm the business half.

Will, we're in the hospital for Rosario.

We are not doing this now.

You really should have asked.

Look what I got for Rosie.

"It's a girl"?

They were out of "It's a maid."

It's the thoughtlessness that counts.

I do hope the poor dear is okay.

Who asked you, Riverdance?

Put these in water.

She's just a little worried.

There's nothing to worry about.

Interesting fact:

Rosario and I were once
husband and wife.

I loved her as much as a gay man

forced to marry a woman
to get a green card could.

You know what? I've already decided,

when we get out of here,

I'm gonna throw her a quinceañera.

You know, she never had one.

Don't they do that at 15?

Or are you counting in maid years?

I think in her culture, they
wait until after menopause,

to mark the moment
a woman becomes a man.

Mrs. Walker, can I speak
to you for a moment?

No, I'm good.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Oh, no.

There were
some unexpected complications,

and I'm very sorry to tell you
that Rosario is gone.

Gone? Where'd she go this time?

Underground maids' fight club
that I don't know about?

Karen, I don't think you understand...

I understand, Grace.

Wow, look at this.

It's a really lovely chapel.

Maybe you could lease it
and not tell me about it.

Okay, we need to talk.

This is Rosario's funeral.
It's so petty to bring it up.

- But you're wrong and I'm not.
- Hey...

How are you doing? Do you need anything?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

I have been on my own
since I was nine months old.

I breastfed myself.

I need nothing.

It's just something people say.

I think it's great

you still threw Rosie a quinceañera.

Well, her mother was a monster.

She never gave her one.

Can you imagine anyone being that mean?

Jack, what the hell are you doing?

I said I wanted the photo of
Rosie from the Christmas party.

Sorry, I thought this one
screamed Ro-ho-ho!

What? No.

That's Rosie at the Easter egg hunt.

That's Rosie at Burning Man!

That's better.

She loved that picture.

It makes a world
of difference, doesn't it?

She has been beating the crap out of me

for two straight days.

I don't know how to be around her.

I'm more confused than
Britney on stage in Vegas.

So is this Karen sad?

Well, I guess it makes sense.

You know, grieving comes in stages.

She was in anger and now
she's probably moving on...

Jack, where the hell are
those books of magic spells?

Crap, I forgot to put out the Bibles.

Hello, Mother.

Lorraine Finster.

You have got to be out of your mind,

showing your faces here.

Well, I heard as soon as I came.

Oh, I remember you two.
Hello, Bill, hello, Patty.

I wouldn't dream of not being here.

I mean, you married my father.
I slept with your husband.

That makes us family.

So sorry for our loss.

What do you want, Lorraine?

You're not getting anywhere
near Stanley,

you're not stealing the jewelry
off of Rosario,

and we are not having a threeway again.

Do you know how humiliating
it was for me

to have to finish myself off
in front of your father?

So turn around and Brexit!

Mothers and daughters, eh?

Always that lingering tension.

Listen, love, I know no one
could ever replace Maria.

- Rosario.
- Yeah, that's what I said.

Oh, come on, how about a little
hug for old time's sake?

Sure, honey.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

Yeah, I knew she took 'em.

But at the end of the day,
aren't we all whores,

just looking for a dirty pole
to take our last ride on?

And, look, Rosie, I'm wearing
the pin you gave me.

I know Karen told you that

I thought it looked like a blood clot...

But honestly, the only reason
why I haven't worn it

is because I misplace it...

Oh, my God, I'm lying to a corpse.

You're making a pentagram.

Why don't you do it right
and not tell me about it?

Okay, look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have signed

the lease without talking to you.

You want me to get us out of it?

No, it's good, but thank you

for understanding how I'm feeling.

We're partners. You know, from now on,

I'll run everything by you,
you run everything by me.

Well, I don't know if I need
to run everything by you.

What does that mean?

I mean, if we're being honest,

you do work for me.

I work for you? I work with you.

We can't talk about this here.

With, for, what's the difference?

- But it's for.
- It's with!

And we're absolutely not
talking about this here.

- And it's with.
- For.

- With.
- For!

My mint just flew into the coffin.

- That's horrible.
- No, it's okay.

I have a couple of loose ones
in my purse.

Father Closet Case wants to start.

I cannot sit next to Karen, okay?

It has to go Will, Grace, Karen...

No, wait, no, that's not...
that's not right.

It has to go... it has to go
Grace, Karen, Jack, Will...

No, wait, um...

No, no, it has to go Will, Gra...

Oh, my God, there's no mathematical way

not to sit next to her!

Jack, Jack, I know it's hard,

but we only have one job,

and it's to make sure that
Karen gets through this day.

The only thing that matters is Karen.

Okay, you're right.
It's all about Karen.

- Just one problem.
- What's that?

Karen isn't here.

According to Find a Friend,
she's at the bar next door.

Nice detective work.

You put the Nancy in Nancy Drew.

I'll go talk to her.

I know what she's going through.

Don't make it about you.

- I don't do that.
- Yes, you do.

I don't even know where
you get that from.

You sat shiva for Jerry Lewis.

He was very important
to my family, Will.

We named our dog Lady
just so we could go "Lady!"

Ahh, Smitty.

Am I ever going to smile again?

Mrs. Walker, my hearing
isn't what it used to be.

I was robbed at gunpoint, and a bullet,

it grazed my brain
and I'm almost entirely deaf.

Oh, Smitty!

You always know just what to say.

Just so you know, the service started.

Karen, I get what you're going through.

When my mother died, I was a wreck.

On the day of her funeral,
my sister had to dress me.

I couldn't even do my own blowout.

And I really wanted pretty hair
for my mom, you know?

But I made it.

And everyone said how brave I was.

And how pretty I looked.

And everyone said
how proud they were of me.

And I was proud of me, too.

But it doesn't change how much it hurts.

I was her favorite.

Oh, my God, she must miss me so much.

Your sisters must really hate you.

I was the light of her life!

And sometimes,

after a night of gentle
heterosexual lovemaking...

Where I was on top...

Rosie and I would do other
normal couple things.

You know, like get into a fight at Ikea,

or shoot and skin a deer.

Or argue about how much time
I'd spend in my man cave...

Which I always thought meant
something else.

Recently we had begun to talk
about starting a family.

And now, I think it's time to hear from

a very special woman in Rosie's life,

someone who was much more than
just her boss. Ladies...

She's not here.

Stretch.

Karen's not coming.

- You made it about yourself?
- My mom just died, Will!

- Jack, you're up.
- No, no, I can't, I can't.

I can't be around her
when she's grieving.

- It scares me.
- You just told a church

full of Catholics that you and Rosie

remained pure until
you presented your flower

to each other on your wedding night.

- You can do anything.
- Okay, okay.

I'll try, I'll try.

There's another way to do this.

Lizzie, Ricky...

We steal her car, we buy an 8-ball,

we head to Atlantic City,
and whatever happens, happens.

I think it's what the dead maid
would have wanted.

Oh, my God, we're wearing the same pin.

You have good taste.

- Hey, Kare...
- Don't touch me.

Yes, sir, sorry.

Um...

We were wondering...

- The whispering is irritating.
- Sure, yeah, sorry.

I really think...

Well, you don't have to
scream at me... I'm in mourning.

I-I just want to help.

Really? You want to help?

I do. More than anything, Kare.

Then sing something for me.

Oh, I don't know that
this is the place...

You sing!

♪ Because I'm happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel ♪

♪ Like a room without a roof ♪

♪ Because I'm happy
clap along if you feel like ♪

Now add some moves.
Do The Electric Slide.

♪ That's what you want to do ♪

♪ Because I'm happy clap along ♪

Do "Ease on Down the Road."

- What?
- "Ease on Down the Road!"

♪ Because I'm happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel like ♪

♪ That's what you want to do ♪

Do "Thriller."

♪ Because I'm happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel like ♪

♪ That's what you want to do ♪

♪ Because I'm happy clap along ♪

♪ If you feel like
that's what you want to do ♪

♪ Because I'm happy
clap along if you feel like ♪

Queridos, amigos.

So, if I work for you,

do I have to run every contract by you?

It is so inappropriate for us to...

We are way past inappropriate.

You do not ask a priest to top you up

on the blood of Christ.

What took him so long?

And why is there only one server?

He's not a server. He's the priest!

Anyway, I'm used to
my business being only me.

Yeah, I get it. It's yours.

You might have mentioned that
before I quit my job

and changed my entire life for you.

How'd it go?

I've never been so humiliated

without specifically asking for it.

Can I get a beer?

So now it's your turn?

Take your best shot, Mary.

I got nothing to say.

You know what you're doing.

Damn straight.

You're handling this exactly the way

you want to handle it.

Like I always do.

I don't need to parade myself up there

and boo-hoo over my cleaning lady.

And I don't need to be told
I should be there,

I'm gonna regret it.

And I certainly don't need
people coming up in here...

What?

But... you...

Of all the times

to come onto me.

You pervert.

I'm so sorry.

Funeral's over. Everybody's gone.

If you want to see her one more time,

she's still there.

And it's okay if you can't.

What do you think, Smitty?

I'm sorry, um... what?

You never turn it off, do ya, Smitts?

Hi, honey.

You got candy in your hair.

Sorry I wasn't here, but...

come on, what the hell was I gonna say?

She was my maid?

She was my sparring partner?

She was my best friend?

You were my everything,

Rosario Yolanda Salazar.

You know, it's funny.
People keep asking,

"What do you need? What do you need?"

I need for you to not be gone.

Here, honey.
I want you to have something.

It was my mother's.

Makes sense you should have it.

Lord knows you've been
eyeing it for years.

Honey, I'm not going with you
to the cemetery,

so don't get mad, okay?

I just can't watch 'em
put you in the ground.

I have to remember you my way.

So if it's all right...

I'm just gonna sit here
with you for a while.

Te amo, Mommy.

That's Karen sad.