Will & Grace (1998–…): Season 4, Episode 10 - Moveable Feast: Part 2 - full transcript

Pick the lady and
you win a dollar.

Red, black, black.

Just follow the lady.

- Pick the queen
- Uh...this one?

Sorry.

Jack?

It's that one, I know it is.

And once again you
set me up for failure.

Those football players,

their asses are so high.

- I'm hungry.
- I'm thirsty.



I could hump a tree.

It's...that one.

Sorry.

All right! You did it You know
what that means, don't you?

You get to keep
my lucky cards.

No, I can't take
these from you.

- You said you liked 'em. - Yeah, they're
great. -Come on, I want you to have them.

-No, I can't. -Oh, just take the cards,
Elliot! Take the damn cards!

The man wants you to have the cards, take the
cards! And you, man stop badgering the boy!

- You better take 'em.
- Thanks.

All right.

Ding,

Ding!

Ding, ding...



Wwhat are you doing?
What's the matter with you?

Ding the dang bell!

Is there something
wrong, Jack?

If you have something to
say to me, just say it.

Ok. There is something that I've been
wanting to tell you for a long time,

Gotta go. Elliot!

Was so nice to meet you. I hope you don't
mind, I finish the water in that table.

Oh, that wasnt mine, it was
there when I checked in.

Well, these last few stops
have been a nice warm-up,

now brace yourself
for real dysfunction,

WASP dysfunction. You can't say it. You can't
talk about it but you know it's there.

Kind of like a fart in church.

Just tell them
about the code.

Oh, yes, the code,

"Business trip" is the code for
my father's affair with his mistress,

otherwise known as
"associate," "colleague," or "client."

I learned that the hard
way, last Easter when I,

talked about taking on three
clients at the same time.

God, I miss the 90's.

If you're feeling remotely
full after appetizers,

don't undo your top button. You'll
need that to hold in your feelings.

- Hey, look who's here!
- Hey, guys!

What's with the haircut?

Thanks, Paul Nice
to see you, too

Hey, Willie.I just mentioned your
haircut You don't have to cry about it.

Hey! Is that the brother you
slept with as a substitute for,

the gay one you're in love
with but can never really have?

No. That's his
other brother Sam.

Paul, Peggy these are my friends
Karen, Jack, and of course, Grace.

Grace, it's so
nice to meet you.

There's a woman where I get my hair
done in Westport She's Jewish, too.

Oh, sure, I've seen
her at the meetings.

Excuseme,

where is the little boys room?

I think I have to take
a bussisness trip.

Was that all right?

Hey, you all are!

Oh, Will, darling

Let me shut the door I don't want to have
to deal with that gossipy new neighbor.

Hello! Mrs.
Schaefer.

Her eldest has a lazy eye
Her youngest is a prostitute.

Oh, Grace, dear I was just
finishing up the soup bowls.

I saw a special on the
Food Network on how to,

make them out of gourds.
Oh, food can be such fun.

This is where I'm going to die.

-Who wants a martini?
-And I've gone to heaven.

If you need to change there's a
guest room at the top of the stairs.

No, mom. This is
what we're wearing.

Oh, good You should
be comfortable.

I guess I'm just, what? Am
I old-fashioned I guess?

So, uh, where's dad?

Oh, he had a last-minute
business meeting.

It seems his...client couldn't
wait till after the holidays.

Oh, you know your
father and his work.

Yeah, he's dedicated.

Hey...

I'm sorry Sam couldn't make it but I'm so,

glad you're here I never get to see you.

Paul, sweetie come
sit next to me.

Hi, I'm Grace You
must be Uncle Winnie.

Oh, don't bother, darling He's on
medication He thinks you're a balloon.

Oh, and one more thing.

That's three.

Could you please come and help me? I'm having
some trouble with the garbage disposal.

I called the plumber but it's a holiday so,
you know. Oh, don't touch the wall, Jack.

- Will, I'm a-scared.
- You should be.

I like Will's
family. They drink.

Were you serious about
what you said before?

Are you really thinking about
having sex with someone?

Oh, for God's sakes stop fishing you
big lez, It's not gonna be with you.

Oh, shucks.

And I made myself all purty.

But, you know,

if I was gonna do it,

it'd have to be just the
right situation, you know?

And just the right kind of guy,

a big, swarthy, hunky
working-class kind of guy,

you know, the kind that wears a tool
belt but doesn't know how to spell it.

I wouldn't hold your breath.

That kind of guy only
exists in porno movies.

Uh, excuse me, ladies,

someone needed their
pipes cleaned out?

Oh, that sounds like
your father's ring.

Let's eat.

I'll get the soup Tell
everybody to take their seats.

Their names are
on the artichokes.

Now, they're all in a particular
order so no switching.

I'm glad I get to taste mom's soup
before Peggy and I have to take off.

What are you talking about? You're
not taking off I'm taking off.

-Oh, I'm sorry, buddy I have to.
-No, no, no Not this year.

Come on, Will You're her
favorite. You should stay.

I am not her...
Even so, I'm going.

Whatcha doing?
Fixing things?

Well, this disposal. I've got a
bolt here that just won't go in.

Oh, well, maybe you
should talk dirty to it.

I mean, you were saying?

I'm exhausted.

Sure.

-It's gin.
-It's that?

Why you're right.

Grace, darling, please tuck
this napkin under your chin,

The last time you ruined my
tablecloth with all your slopping.

Well, gotta go.

-Paul, could I talk to you a minute?
-Will, eat your soup Mom made it.

It's in gourds.

- Guess I'm finished
- Are you?

Or are you just
getting started?

-What's left to do?
-Well, if you poke around a little bit I bet you could find something.

-I'm sure I can.
-Don't talk, you'll wreck it.

-What's going on here?
-I'm not sure.

Oh!

How dare you!

I'm a married woman!

-Sorry, man I've got obligations.
-So do I.

There is a huge difference
between my obligation,

to my family and your
obligation to your friends.

My friends are my family.

Your situation is completely different
and you know it! You made that choice.

Choice?! Are you kidding me?
Look, let's go over this again.

My being gay is no
more a choice...

Paul, don't leave yet I
just want to send a little,

bottle of wine over to Peg's
folks for the holidays.

Just a little thank you for
forgetting us this year.

Well, what's going on here?

-Nothing Will's crying.
-I am not.

Look, we just both have
places we need to be.

We both feel that one
of us should stay.

-Mom, you pick. -Oh, that is so unfair. Don't
make her choose, you know who she's gonna pick.

-I pick Paul.
-Of course... What?

Well, I would like
to propose a toast.

To our own Thanksgiving.
To no longer being at,

the mercy of our mothers fathers,
brothers...

Plumbers.

Feels pretty
good doesn't it?

I hate the way I left
things with my mom.

I feel terrible.

I feel worse about what happened
between me and my step-dad.

Why worse?

Because it
happened to me.

Hey, what about me?

Stan put me in an
awful position.

And that plumber
nearly did, too.

Yeah, well, I feel fine.
- No, you don't - No, I don't!

How could she
pick Paul over me?

-Well, let's dig into this turkey.
-Wait! Wait a minute!

Um, doesn't it seem wrong to
enjoy a beautiful uneaten Turkey?

when you have all this
unfinished emotional business?

-You know what?
-She's right.

Two minutes each. We say
our piece and we get out.

-But I'm starved- -So? The turkey'll
still be here when we get back.

Or whatever.

Go, go.

I'm sorry, Rosario,

but we'll try to be as quick as we can. Have
a piece of fruit to tide yourself over.

Fruit, my ass.

Two
minutes Go!

Don't talk. I got something to say to
you and I don't have a lot of time.

I'm angry with
you Stanley.

Why do you want me to
have sex with other men?

I mean, sure I'm
miserable without you but,

it's not the kind of miserable that's gonna
go away with a quick tongue wrestle with a,

I don't know, 5'
10" maintenance man,

with a I don't know musky smell of
Paco Rabanne and dirty metal and a,

I don't know Chinese serenity
symbol tattooed on his left bicep,

or something,

I mean, the point is,

I don't want any man but you.

I love you, every fold, nook and cranny
of you, you two-ton English muffin.

Hey, we still got 40 seconds
left What do you want to do?

Ok. Only this time you stick
your boobs on the glass.

Come on

Happy Thanksgiving
Mr. Walker.

I love you.

Two minutes... Go!

Hey, everyone would you mind if
I had a minute alone with my mom?

Thanks.

There's something I
need to say to you.

Oh, and what's that? You
already told me I can't act,

did you come back to
tell me I can't sing?

Oh, mom of course
you can s...

Let's not get it.

Look, I... I hate
what I said to you.

I was just upset. But the
whole "I told you so" thing,

it's just,

it's just that sometimes it seems like you
love being right even more than you love me.

Are you kidding, dear?

I love you more than
anything in the world.

That's sweet, mom.

I guess a part of me, does
appreciate that on some level,

but the dance...

Why the dance?

Well, it's cute, darling.

Everybody thinks so.

Who is "everybody"?

Look, the point is that it bothers you so
I just won't say "I told you so" anymore.

Mom, I want to believe
that but in 33 years,

you have never been able
to restrain yourself.

I promise you, dear you'll
never hear it again.

- Really?
- Really.

Because, there are a lot of
things that you write about,

it's like, I don't wish
that I could play the piano,

or speak more languages,

type,

had a nursery
certificate just in case.

And you were right,
that guy was married.

You're the only one who
could see that coming.

Not I.

Just you.

Well,

thank you for that, mom.

- I love you.
- I love you, too, dear.

I told her so! I told her so!

Two
minutes Go!

I just have one question for you
How dare you be so nice to Elliot!

Where was that guy
when I was growing up?

-Well, I was probably...
-Oh, is that supposed to be your answer?

You are ten times the father with
him than you ever were with me.

- No, I don't think you...
- Don't change the subject!

For my 12th birthday I asked for a "Beautiful
Chrissy" doll with beautiful hair that grows.

And what did you
get me? A dirt bike?

What the hell's a 12-year-old
boy gonna do with a dirt bike?!

You don't know me at all!

Hey, you don't know me either It's
not like you took any interest in me.

I was a kid, I wasn't supposed to.

Yeah, you got me there.

Yeah, I do, don't I?

You were a tough kid to figure out.

It was like having a foreign
exchange student in the house.

You spoke your own
language and wore a beret.

Well, you should
have tried harder.

You're right
I should have.

I was a crap
father. I'm sorry.

But, Jack, I'm
not the same guy.

Well, I am.
I'm still mad.

I know. But what do you get out of
holding on to something like that?

I'd really like us
to get closer, Jack.

Well, it won't be easy.

I'm very complicated.

I am a swirling mass
of contradictions.

Sometimes I'm happy.
Sometimes I'm sad.

Sometimes...

Well, I guess those
are the only two.

But... You really want
to get to know me?

I do.

If you want to take the
time to get to know me.

I guess I wouldn't
be adverse to that.

I'll take that present now.

- Ok, uh...
- Right there on the bed.

I didn't know what to get you, so
I just put some money in a box.

Oh, pop, you do know me!

Ok, two
minutes Go!

So, what? Paul is your favorite
now? Where is he? Favorite?!

-I sent him home.
-You what?

-I just... I don't know, I didn't want him around.
-But you chose him

You'd obviously rather
have him around than me.

Oh, William, sweetheart, you
know, I don't have favorites.

But if I did, you
know who it would be.

That's why I could pick
Paul in front of you.

but I couldn't pick
you in front of Paul.

Because he would have cried,
right? Because he's the crier.

Now, go home Be
with your family.

I'm giving you
Thanksgiving off this year.

No, no, look I don't think you
should be alone on a holiday.

Honey, I'm not alone.
I've got Uncle Winnie.

Bingo!
I win!

Do you hear
that? He wins.

So stop treating me like
I'm some fragile old woman.

I'm fine. I mean it would
be nice if your father,

didn't he to conduct his
business on holidays but,

it's not your job
to take care of me.

-Well, I think it is.
-No, no, please, go home. I'm busy.

I have to go through daddy's closet
pick out a couple of suits he loves,

and give them to
the Salvation Army.

Let's go.

We can still make it
home in time for dinner.

- Great. I'm starved.
- Me, too.

Even I could use some solids.

Well, wait till you
guys taste this turkey.