Will & Grace (1998–…): Season 11, Episode 16 - We Love Lucy - full transcript
Will and Grace is shot
before a live studio audience.
Morning!
Morning.
What did you do?
I bought you a present.
Grace...
Grace!
I wanted to surprise you.
I...
I... I installed it myself...
I can see that!
Did you turn off
the main water line?
No.
Did you turn off
the dishwasher?
- No.
- Did you do anything?
I came to get you.
Go grab towels!
I ca...
Look, I say this with love,
but...
sometimes living with you
is like being stuck
inside an episode
of "I Love Lucy."
Well, yeah,
'cause I'm the kooky redhead
everyone loves, and you're
the guy who overreacts
to every little thing I do.
You're comparing me to Ricky?
Oh, I'll take that
as a compliment.
He was always
my favorite.
That's 'cause
you had a crush on him.
I mean, sure,
he's the origin story
of my love of men with black
hair and a high‐waisted pant.
But, my favorite,
because Desi was just as much
of a genius as Lucy was,
except that everything he did,
he did to make her shine.
Anyway, it's not
a perfect analogy.
I mean, we're not married.
I'm not Cuban.
There's no Fred and Ethel
popping in.
Hey, neighbors.
Oh, look, Jackie.
Will finally gave Grace a bath.
Wait, does this mean
you're not making us breakfast,
because that's kind of
the only reason we're here.
Sorry, Fred and Ethel.
Kitchen's kind of closed.
I knew the health department
would shut this place
down eventually.
Fred and Ethel?
We were having a whole
"I Love Lucy" discussion.
Will is obviously a Ricky.
Oh, Will is totally a Ricky.
And I think we all know
who the Lucy is.
Totally.
- It's me.
- You?
That's crazy.
I'm Lucy.
Aye, aye, aye.
*WILL AND GRACE*
Season 11 Episode 16
Episode Title: "We Love Lucy"
Aired on: April 09, 2020
Lucy!
Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
Oh, gee,
I'm glad you're home.
How about a great big...
I'll see you later.
Lucy.
Come here.
What's the matter?
I stopped by the bank
on the way home
and they showed me this:
your check
to the beauty parlor.
But I write a check to
the beauty parlor every month.
Yes, I know that,
but they don't always have
a little note on the back
like this one.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why they
call them "tellers."
They go around blabbing
everything they know.
Lucy.
Do you realize how tough it is
for a guy to make
a buck these days?
You think that the money
grows on trees?
No.
Well, we'll see you later.
Come on, Fred.
No, no. No, no.
Come on, come in, sit down.
No, thanks.
I went to the fights last night.
Fred, please.
Come in, will you?
Come in, Ethel.
Fred, tell me something,
would you?
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Never?
How do you manage that?
It's easy.
I never had enough money
at one time
to open a checking account.
What?
She spends money like I was
printing it in the basement.
"Printing it in the basement."
Let's face it, Rick.
When it comes to money,
there are two kinds of people:
the earners and the spenders,
or as they are
more popularly known,
husbands and wives.
Yeah, brother,
if they had to make the dough,
they would think twice
before spending it that fast.
Yeah.
Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult
than lying around the house
all day long.
Lying around the house?
Is that all you think we do?
Yeah.
Well, now,
let's face it, Rick.
Every once in a while,
they get up and play Canasta.
What's so tough
about earning a living?
Yeah.
Have you ever done it?
No, but I could.
I'd like to see you try.
Okay.
I will.
You will?
Yeah.
Well, this I gotta see.
Honey, what is this?
Okay, Joe.
I'm ready to rehearse
the commercial.
Stuff any good?
Well, it ought to be.
It's got everything in it...
meat, vegetables,
minerals, vitamins,
alcohol 23%.
Alcohol 23%?
I'm Ross Elliot,
the director.
Let's run through it.
Yes, sir.
Now, you stand
right over here.
And remember,
be bright and vivacious.
Yes, sir.
Hello, friends.
I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you poop out at parties?
Are you unpopular?
The answer to all your problems
is in this little bottle.
- Now, you pick up the bottle.
- Oh.
Little higher.
That's right.
The answer
to all your problems
is in this little bottle.
Vitameatavegamin.
Vitameatavegamin
contains vitamins, meat,
vegetables, and minerals.
Yes, with Vitameatavegamin,
you can spoon your way
to health.
All you do is take
a tablespoon after every meal.
- Now, you take some.
- Oh.
It's so tasty, too.
Just like candy.
No, no, no, no.
Look, you're supposed
to like the stuff.
You've got to smile
and be happy.
- Now try it again.
- Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
It's so tasty, too.
Nope, once more.
It's so tasty, too.
It's just like candy.
That's going to be fine.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So, why don't you
join the thousands
of happy‐peppy people,
and get a great big bottle
of Vitameatavegamin
tomorrow.
That's Vita‐meata‐vegamin.
Well,
now you've got the feeling.
Now, I'd like to try it
once more, only this time,
faster and brighter.
- Faster and brighter.
- Okay.
Oh.
Well, pardon... pardon me.
From "It's so tasty, too."
- It's so tasty, too.
- Yes, sir.
It's so tasty, too.
Just like candy.
You know, this stuff
tastes pretty good
once you get used to it.
Yes, I know,
but would you go ahead,
please?
It's so tasty, too.
Oh.
Okay.
It's so tasty, too.
So...
So, uh...
I don't where to start unless
I begin at the beginning.
All right,
start at the beginning.
Oh, thank you.
Hello, friends.
I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you poop out at parties?
Are you unpopular?
The answer to all your problems
is in this bittle lottle...
uh, little bottle.
Are you feeling all right?
Oh, I feel fine.
Would you mind trying it
just once more, please?
Oh, no, sir.
It's perfectly all right.
Now, we're going
to time it this time.
- Are you ready?
- Mm‐hmm.
Go.
You know,
you're awfully nice.
Thank you.
Would you go ahead, please?
Hmm.
Well, I'm your
Vitaveatavegavac girl!
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you pop out at parties?
Are you unpoopular?
Well, are you?
The answer to all your problems
is in this little old bottle.
Vitameatavegamin.
That's it.
Vitameatavegamin contains
vitamins, meat,
megetables, and vinnerals.
You have to take a whole
tablespoon after every meal.
Look at me.
I went as Lucy
for Halloween last year.
So did I.
Grace also attempted
a "Slutty Lucy" in college
that ended in tears.
So did I.
Well, have either of you
ever fought an Italian woman
in a giant vat of alcohol?
Because I have,
many times.
And that's all Lucy ever did!
That was one episode.
Yeah?
Well, that's the only one I ever
saw, and that's all she did.
- Lucy!
- Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
How's about a great big...
- I'll see you later.
- Lucy.
I stopped by the bank
and they showed me your check
to the beauty parlor.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why
they call them "tellers."
They go around blabbing
everything they know.
Lucy, do you realize
how tough it is
for a guy to make
a buck these days?
You think that money
grows on trees?
Well, we'll see you later.
Yeah.
I went to the fights last night.
Fred, Fred.
Come in, please, will you?
Tell me something.
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Never?
I never had enough money
to open a checking account.
There are
two kinds of people:
the earners and the spenders,
or as they are
more popularly known
as husbands and wives.
Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult
than lying around the house
all day long.
Well, every once in a while,
they get up to play Canasta.
What's so tough
about earning a living?
Yeah, I could do it.
I'd like to see you try.
Okay.
I will.
This, I gotta see.
Tu!
Speaking Italian...
No, I'm‐a pooped.
Speaking Italian...
There's no way anyone
would compare you to Lucy
over me.
You don't even have red hair.
Well, in fairness...
It used to be natural.
Uh, cello?
How can either of you say that
you're more like Lucy
than I am?
Always getting into hijinks,
married to a Latin hunk,
adorable in a polka dot dress
with a capped sleeve.
Oh, great.
Now we have to say
that a boy can be Lucy, too?
What's next?
Equal rights?
It's madness!
Lucy!
Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
Oh, gee, I'm glad you're...
Lucy,
I stopped by the bank.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why
they call them "tellers."
Do you think
money grows on trees?
Went to the fights
last night.
Fred, come in, please.
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Holding down a job
is difficult.
Canasta.
Earning a living.
I could do it.
Ha!
I will.
This, I gotta see.
All right, girls.
Now, listen carefully.
This is
the wrapping department.
Yes, ma'am.
Now, the candy will pass by
on this conveyor belt,
and continue on
into the next room
where the girls will pack it.
Your job is to take
each piece of candy,
wrap it in one of these papers,
and then put it back
on the belt.
Do you understand?
- Yes, sir... yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.
Let it roll!
Let it roll!
Well, wait here.
Somebody's asleep
at the switch.
What are you doing up here?
I thought you were downstairs
boxing chocolates.
Oh, they kicked me
out of there fast.
Why?
Kept pitching them
to see what kind they were.
All right, girls.
This is your last chance.
If one piece of candy
gets past you
and into the packing room
unwrapped, you're fired.
Yes, ma'am.
Let it roll!
Well, this is easier.
Yeah.
We can handle this all right.
Listen, Ethel,
I think this is, uh...
I think we're fighting
a losing game!
Here she comes.
Fine!
You're doing splendidly.
Speed her up a little!
Plus, Lucy was desperate
to get her big break
in show biz and...
well, I got mine many years ago
when I got the part
of "Terrified Man"
in an episode
of "Silk Stockings."
I can relate to her struggle.
There's only one way
to solve this.
Agreed,
and while I've never wrestled
with a gay man and a pregnant
woman at the same time,
I've always wanted to.
No, I mean, ask Ricky.
Which one of us would you say
is your Lucy?
And keep in mind,
I have pictures of you
in shorteralls.
And I have pictures of you
trying to rock a mustache
for Movember.
And I stopped caring
an hour ago,
but I still wanna know
just 'cause.
You're all my Lucy.
Grace and I share a home,
but we sleep in separate beds.
Karen's always up
to something I disapprove of.
Jack spends all my money.
Plus I... I am constantly
cleaning up
after all your messes.
No, you're not.
He literally just
cleaned up your mess.
From a present
I thoughtfully bought.
Which you were too cheap
to hire someone to install.
I was about to say
the nice part.
Can I say the nice part, please?
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be Ricky.
Because he got to live
with Lucy.
This guy is so lucky,
'cause he gets
to spend his life
with someone like that.
Well, I got him beat.
'Cause I got three of you
in my life.
And even better,
my kid'll have that too.
- Pretty lucky kid.
- Mm.
I wish I was that kid.
But still Lucy.
But also Ricky.
You almost brought a tear
to my eye, you old homo.
I love you, Lucys.
♪ I love Lucy ♪
♪ And she loves me ♪
♪ We're as happy
as two can be ♪
♪ Sometimes we quarrel,
but then ♪
♪ How we love
making up again ♪
♪ Lucy kisses like no one can ♪
♪ She's my missus
and I'm her man ♪
♪ And life is heaven,
you see ♪
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪
♪ Oh, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ And Lucy loves me ♪
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, I love Lucy ♪
♪ And Lucy ♪
♪ Loves me ♪
Husbands and wives.
I need a nail.
What?
She spends money like she...
What?
Can we go back?
Sorry.
What?
I'm... I'm gonna try that again.
before a live studio audience.
Morning!
Morning.
What did you do?
I bought you a present.
Grace...
Grace!
I wanted to surprise you.
I...
I... I installed it myself...
I can see that!
Did you turn off
the main water line?
No.
Did you turn off
the dishwasher?
- No.
- Did you do anything?
I came to get you.
Go grab towels!
I ca...
Look, I say this with love,
but...
sometimes living with you
is like being stuck
inside an episode
of "I Love Lucy."
Well, yeah,
'cause I'm the kooky redhead
everyone loves, and you're
the guy who overreacts
to every little thing I do.
You're comparing me to Ricky?
Oh, I'll take that
as a compliment.
He was always
my favorite.
That's 'cause
you had a crush on him.
I mean, sure,
he's the origin story
of my love of men with black
hair and a high‐waisted pant.
But, my favorite,
because Desi was just as much
of a genius as Lucy was,
except that everything he did,
he did to make her shine.
Anyway, it's not
a perfect analogy.
I mean, we're not married.
I'm not Cuban.
There's no Fred and Ethel
popping in.
Hey, neighbors.
Oh, look, Jackie.
Will finally gave Grace a bath.
Wait, does this mean
you're not making us breakfast,
because that's kind of
the only reason we're here.
Sorry, Fred and Ethel.
Kitchen's kind of closed.
I knew the health department
would shut this place
down eventually.
Fred and Ethel?
We were having a whole
"I Love Lucy" discussion.
Will is obviously a Ricky.
Oh, Will is totally a Ricky.
And I think we all know
who the Lucy is.
Totally.
- It's me.
- You?
That's crazy.
I'm Lucy.
Aye, aye, aye.
*WILL AND GRACE*
Season 11 Episode 16
Episode Title: "We Love Lucy"
Aired on: April 09, 2020
Lucy!
Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
Oh, gee,
I'm glad you're home.
How about a great big...
I'll see you later.
Lucy.
Come here.
What's the matter?
I stopped by the bank
on the way home
and they showed me this:
your check
to the beauty parlor.
But I write a check to
the beauty parlor every month.
Yes, I know that,
but they don't always have
a little note on the back
like this one.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why they
call them "tellers."
They go around blabbing
everything they know.
Lucy.
Do you realize how tough it is
for a guy to make
a buck these days?
You think that the money
grows on trees?
No.
Well, we'll see you later.
Come on, Fred.
No, no. No, no.
Come on, come in, sit down.
No, thanks.
I went to the fights last night.
Fred, please.
Come in, will you?
Come in, Ethel.
Fred, tell me something,
would you?
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Never?
How do you manage that?
It's easy.
I never had enough money
at one time
to open a checking account.
What?
She spends money like I was
printing it in the basement.
"Printing it in the basement."
Let's face it, Rick.
When it comes to money,
there are two kinds of people:
the earners and the spenders,
or as they are
more popularly known,
husbands and wives.
Yeah, brother,
if they had to make the dough,
they would think twice
before spending it that fast.
Yeah.
Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult
than lying around the house
all day long.
Lying around the house?
Is that all you think we do?
Yeah.
Well, now,
let's face it, Rick.
Every once in a while,
they get up and play Canasta.
What's so tough
about earning a living?
Yeah.
Have you ever done it?
No, but I could.
I'd like to see you try.
Okay.
I will.
You will?
Yeah.
Well, this I gotta see.
Honey, what is this?
Okay, Joe.
I'm ready to rehearse
the commercial.
Stuff any good?
Well, it ought to be.
It's got everything in it...
meat, vegetables,
minerals, vitamins,
alcohol 23%.
Alcohol 23%?
I'm Ross Elliot,
the director.
Let's run through it.
Yes, sir.
Now, you stand
right over here.
And remember,
be bright and vivacious.
Yes, sir.
Hello, friends.
I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you poop out at parties?
Are you unpopular?
The answer to all your problems
is in this little bottle.
- Now, you pick up the bottle.
- Oh.
Little higher.
That's right.
The answer
to all your problems
is in this little bottle.
Vitameatavegamin.
Vitameatavegamin
contains vitamins, meat,
vegetables, and minerals.
Yes, with Vitameatavegamin,
you can spoon your way
to health.
All you do is take
a tablespoon after every meal.
- Now, you take some.
- Oh.
It's so tasty, too.
Just like candy.
No, no, no, no.
Look, you're supposed
to like the stuff.
You've got to smile
and be happy.
- Now try it again.
- Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
It's so tasty, too.
Nope, once more.
It's so tasty, too.
It's just like candy.
That's going to be fine.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So, why don't you
join the thousands
of happy‐peppy people,
and get a great big bottle
of Vitameatavegamin
tomorrow.
That's Vita‐meata‐vegamin.
Well,
now you've got the feeling.
Now, I'd like to try it
once more, only this time,
faster and brighter.
- Faster and brighter.
- Okay.
Oh.
Well, pardon... pardon me.
From "It's so tasty, too."
- It's so tasty, too.
- Yes, sir.
It's so tasty, too.
Just like candy.
You know, this stuff
tastes pretty good
once you get used to it.
Yes, I know,
but would you go ahead,
please?
It's so tasty, too.
Oh.
Okay.
It's so tasty, too.
So...
So, uh...
I don't where to start unless
I begin at the beginning.
All right,
start at the beginning.
Oh, thank you.
Hello, friends.
I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl.
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you poop out at parties?
Are you unpopular?
The answer to all your problems
is in this bittle lottle...
uh, little bottle.
Are you feeling all right?
Oh, I feel fine.
Would you mind trying it
just once more, please?
Oh, no, sir.
It's perfectly all right.
Now, we're going
to time it this time.
- Are you ready?
- Mm‐hmm.
Go.
You know,
you're awfully nice.
Thank you.
Would you go ahead, please?
Hmm.
Well, I'm your
Vitaveatavegavac girl!
Are you tired,
run‐down, listless?
Do you pop out at parties?
Are you unpoopular?
Well, are you?
The answer to all your problems
is in this little old bottle.
Vitameatavegamin.
That's it.
Vitameatavegamin contains
vitamins, meat,
megetables, and vinnerals.
You have to take a whole
tablespoon after every meal.
Look at me.
I went as Lucy
for Halloween last year.
So did I.
Grace also attempted
a "Slutty Lucy" in college
that ended in tears.
So did I.
Well, have either of you
ever fought an Italian woman
in a giant vat of alcohol?
Because I have,
many times.
And that's all Lucy ever did!
That was one episode.
Yeah?
Well, that's the only one I ever
saw, and that's all she did.
- Lucy!
- Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
How's about a great big...
- I'll see you later.
- Lucy.
I stopped by the bank
and they showed me your check
to the beauty parlor.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why
they call them "tellers."
They go around blabbing
everything they know.
Lucy, do you realize
how tough it is
for a guy to make
a buck these days?
You think that money
grows on trees?
Well, we'll see you later.
Yeah.
I went to the fights last night.
Fred, Fred.
Come in, please, will you?
Tell me something.
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Never?
I never had enough money
to open a checking account.
There are
two kinds of people:
the earners and the spenders,
or as they are
more popularly known
as husbands and wives.
Holding down a job
is a lot more difficult
than lying around the house
all day long.
Well, every once in a while,
they get up to play Canasta.
What's so tough
about earning a living?
Yeah, I could do it.
I'd like to see you try.
Okay.
I will.
This, I gotta see.
Tu!
Speaking Italian...
No, I'm‐a pooped.
Speaking Italian...
There's no way anyone
would compare you to Lucy
over me.
You don't even have red hair.
Well, in fairness...
It used to be natural.
Uh, cello?
How can either of you say that
you're more like Lucy
than I am?
Always getting into hijinks,
married to a Latin hunk,
adorable in a polka dot dress
with a capped sleeve.
Oh, great.
Now we have to say
that a boy can be Lucy, too?
What's next?
Equal rights?
It's madness!
Lucy!
Is that you, sweetie‐pie?
Oh, gee, I'm glad you're...
Lucy,
I stopped by the bank.
"Dear Teller, be a lamb,
and don't put this through
till next month."
That's why
they call them "tellers."
Do you think
money grows on trees?
Went to the fights
last night.
Fred, come in, please.
How often is Ethel's
checking account overdrawn?
Never.
Holding down a job
is difficult.
Canasta.
Earning a living.
I could do it.
Ha!
I will.
This, I gotta see.
All right, girls.
Now, listen carefully.
This is
the wrapping department.
Yes, ma'am.
Now, the candy will pass by
on this conveyor belt,
and continue on
into the next room
where the girls will pack it.
Your job is to take
each piece of candy,
wrap it in one of these papers,
and then put it back
on the belt.
Do you understand?
- Yes, sir... yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.
Let it roll!
Let it roll!
Well, wait here.
Somebody's asleep
at the switch.
What are you doing up here?
I thought you were downstairs
boxing chocolates.
Oh, they kicked me
out of there fast.
Why?
Kept pitching them
to see what kind they were.
All right, girls.
This is your last chance.
If one piece of candy
gets past you
and into the packing room
unwrapped, you're fired.
Yes, ma'am.
Let it roll!
Well, this is easier.
Yeah.
We can handle this all right.
Listen, Ethel,
I think this is, uh...
I think we're fighting
a losing game!
Here she comes.
Fine!
You're doing splendidly.
Speed her up a little!
Plus, Lucy was desperate
to get her big break
in show biz and...
well, I got mine many years ago
when I got the part
of "Terrified Man"
in an episode
of "Silk Stockings."
I can relate to her struggle.
There's only one way
to solve this.
Agreed,
and while I've never wrestled
with a gay man and a pregnant
woman at the same time,
I've always wanted to.
No, I mean, ask Ricky.
Which one of us would you say
is your Lucy?
And keep in mind,
I have pictures of you
in shorteralls.
And I have pictures of you
trying to rock a mustache
for Movember.
And I stopped caring
an hour ago,
but I still wanna know
just 'cause.
You're all my Lucy.
Grace and I share a home,
but we sleep in separate beds.
Karen's always up
to something I disapprove of.
Jack spends all my money.
Plus I... I am constantly
cleaning up
after all your messes.
No, you're not.
He literally just
cleaned up your mess.
From a present
I thoughtfully bought.
Which you were too cheap
to hire someone to install.
I was about to say
the nice part.
Can I say the nice part, please?
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be Ricky.
Because he got to live
with Lucy.
This guy is so lucky,
'cause he gets
to spend his life
with someone like that.
Well, I got him beat.
'Cause I got three of you
in my life.
And even better,
my kid'll have that too.
- Pretty lucky kid.
- Mm.
I wish I was that kid.
But still Lucy.
But also Ricky.
You almost brought a tear
to my eye, you old homo.
I love you, Lucys.
♪ I love Lucy ♪
♪ And she loves me ♪
♪ We're as happy
as two can be ♪
♪ Sometimes we quarrel,
but then ♪
♪ How we love
making up again ♪
♪ Lucy kisses like no one can ♪
♪ She's my missus
and I'm her man ♪
♪ And life is heaven,
you see ♪
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪
♪ Oh, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, he loves Lucy ♪
♪ And Lucy loves me ♪
♪ 'Cause I love Lucy ♪
♪ Yes, I love Lucy ♪
♪ And Lucy ♪
♪ Loves me ♪
Husbands and wives.
I need a nail.
What?
She spends money like she...
What?
Can we go back?
Sorry.
What?
I'm... I'm gonna try that again.