Will & Grace (1998–…): Season 11, Episode 15 - Broadway Boundaries - full transcript

"Will and Grace"
is recorded in front

of a live studio audience.

Good morning.

Welcome to our gender reveal
breakfast.

It's a big moment.

We are one prick away
from finding out

one of the most important...

Yeah, can we move things
along please?

Lot to do today.

Sorry.
We are two pricks away

from finding out...



Guys, I have a speech
and a poem,

so can we please just do this?

Yeah, audience question.
Can we cut the poem?

I have to sneak my headshot
and resume into a stack

of submissions
for a Broadway show.

And then we have
to get to the ballpark

because Karen's baseball team

has their
championship game today.

Me owning a baseball team,
who-da thunk it?

It's almost as crazy
as a homo having a baby.

Go on, Wilma.

Thank you.

A gender party
is a curious thing.

Ah!



It's a girl.

Oh, thank God!
It's a girl.

I'm gonna name her Harper.

She'll be dressed head-to-toe
in breathable French cotton.

She'll smell like an expensive
hotel bathroom her entire life.

She'll be a giver

but still have a fierce
independent streak.

And most important,

she won't be
a gross, smelly boy

that I'll have
to teach sports to.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
Sorry, that's...

I'm done.
Your turn, Grace.

Remember, boy, girl...

Doesn't matter.

Um...

- actually, I'm gonna wait.
- What?

All of a sudden,
I'm not sure what I want,

or what I don't want,
or how I'll feel

when I find out what I've got,
so, um...

Yeah.

Yeah, well, great party.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

We're gonna jam.

You two are delicious,
everything we're for.

Shift it, Kar.

*WILL AND GRACE*
Season 11 Episode 15

Episode Title: "Broadway Boundaries"
Aired on: March 19, 2020

♪ Hello, my baby,
hello, my honey ♪

♪ Hello, my baby girl

♪ Having a baby girl

♪ She's a baby and...

♪ And she's a girl

I'll work on the lyrics.

Hey, Jenny, hi.

Hey, I got your message.
What's up?

Oh, big news.
We're having a girl.

We're having a girl!

Can you believe it?

Oh, congrats.
I'm so happy for you.

Well, I'm so happy
for both of us.

We're bringing a beautiful
baby girl into the world,

and even more important,
it's not a boy.

We're having a girl.

Well... I mean,
you're having a girl.

What?
No, we're doing this together.

Well, not exactly.

Uh, I'm providing a service.

I'm like an Amazon Locker
for your baby.

Come on.
This is huge for us.

At least let me take you
to lunch to celebrate.

What's your favorite
restaurant?

Café Figaro,
but I'm actually

meeting a guy for lunch here.

- Oh, who's the guy?
- Chase.

I thought we didn't
like him.

You said he was a bad guy.
I'm gonna meet you there.

What?
No.

What did I tell you
about boundaries?

You do not get involved
with my exes,

and you do not demonstrate
how to work a nursing bra.

I didn't know
the pump was on.

It was upsetting
for both of us.

Hold on.

I got another call.

- Hello.
- Uh, Mr. Truman...

Dante DiLorenzo.

We met at my hair clinic
a few months ago.

Uh, this is a courtesy call

to let you know that
I have ended my marriage

in order to live my truth
as a gay man.

Okay.

Sorry, I'm new at this,

but you did mark single
on your consultation form.

FYI, my ex-wife, Melinda,

is pretty sure
I'm a thirsty submissive.

Okay, um, I'm... look,
I'm really flattered, but...

Hey, no need to finish
that sentence.

You are right to reject me.

As a straight man,
Melinda said I was a 6,

and as a gay man,
I'm barely a 3 1/2.

Thank you and have a nice day.

No, no, no.
Wait, wait.

- Doctor.
- Yes?

How does lunch sound?

Great!

Uh, how's Monday?
I know a place in Midtown.

Meet me at Café Figaro
in 15 minutes.

Yes, sir.

Is it appropriate for me
to say "I am aroused"?

Save it for dessert.

Hey, Mrs. Walker.
What an exciting day.

A shot at the title.

So, do you have
prepared remarks,

an inspiring quote,

a rousing call to action?

Prepared what?
Inspiring huh?

A rousing call to ca...?

What you say in this moment

could be the difference
between victory

and pushing them
from casual opioid abusers

to full-blown addicts.

Guys, Mrs. Walker
has something to say.

Honey, I've got
nothing prepared.

I barely know
where I am right now.

What do I say?

Okay, I got it.

Remember what you said to me

before my very first
commercial audition?

You probably won't get it.
Let's go to brunch.

No, you said that to me

before my audition
for "Crazy Rich Asians."

Which I didn't get because...

I'm not rich.

It was a DiGiorno ad,

and I didn't think
I could play a straight guy.

That was a good speech.
I'll do that one.

Okay, good,
and I'll score it

with dramatic music
using my phone.

All right.
Listen up.

I know you're nervous.

The other guys

have got more talent,
more experience,

and let's face it...
More testosterone than you do.

But you have something
they don't have.

A lifetime

of people telling you
that you're not good enough.

Today, you're gonna go
out there and show them

that in this country,
being unqualified for something

is no match

for a totally unfounded sense
of self-confidence.

Now let me hear you say it.

"It's not delivery.
It's DiGiorno."

It's not delivery?
It's DiGiorno?

Say it like you mean it.

It's not delivery.
It's DiGiorno.

Say it!

It's not delivery!
It's DiGiorno!

- Damn right it is!
- Let's go!

How did I not get that part?

Oh, honey.

Just hearing that speech

took me back to the old Jack.

Yeah.

When I think about
how pathetic I was.

I get one text
about an audition,

be convinced it was gonna
change my whole life,

run around the room
like a crazy person,

flailing my arms in the air,

and screech into a towel
until I'd faint.

Ah, thank God those days
are behind us, huh?

- Yeah.
- I can't even...

Oh, let's see what that is...

Mayor Pete Buttigieg...
I got an audition!

I got an audition!

Oh, my God!
I got an audition!

My whole life is
about to change!

I'm gonna be rich and famous,

and everybody's gonna love me!

What am I afraid of?

Boy or girl?
Win-win!

But having a girl
would be amazing.

Oh.

I could sing the song

that my mom used to sing to me.
Remember, Mom?

♪ My hope is that
you're pretty in life ♪

♪ You meet a man
and become his wife ♪

♪ Have his children,
six or eight ♪

♪ Eat small meals
to maintain your weight ♪

What a jacked up song!

No wonder my sisters
are so messed up, right?

Look, I don't want you
to obsess over your looks.

Okay?

If your eyebrows look
a little Frida Kahlo-ish,

or you put
too much lox spread

on your second bagel,

you go girl!

I won't say a word.

But I won't have to.

Because you'll take
one look at my face

and you will see that
I'm totally judging you.

And jealous that you
can still metabolize bagels.

That's why

I would be the worst mother
to a girl.

Other than my mom.

And Maleficent.

Normally I would order
the fettuccine,

but now that I'm gay,

I need to be a bit more
of a body fascist.

So, um, a salad
and we share an app?

- Is that how it works?
- That's an old stereotype.

Gay men are not that
militant about what we eat.

We do not need bread.

I don't like that tension.

I imagine I'll loosen up
as I become more gay.

Oh, no, sorry.
I'm talking about that couple.

Oh, right.
I saw this on "Pose."

We're gonna be bitchy queens.

Like, uh,
"The '90s called collect

"to talk about his hair

and he accepted the charges."

Good first try, yeah,
but, uh,

shorter, funnier,
and more from this century.

So much to process,
being newly gay.

Actually, I've known
for 26 years,

but Saturday, I tried on
a pair of short-shorts,

and said, "These legs belong
on a man's shoulders."

Well, we all have
our origin story.

But you could be a boy,
couldn't you,

gender balloon?

My boy.

Little boys are so sweet,

sensitive, and loving.

You will be kind and gentle,

and you won't be afraid to cry.

And we will always be close,

because you're not gonna be
one of those boys

who's embarrassed
to hang out with his mom

after he hits puberty.

And you'll still snuggle
with me.

Oh, my God, if I'm your mother,
you're never gonna get laid!

Oh, no!

No, no.
I can't... I can't.

I can't... I can't even
look at you.

I am setting you free.

Good-bye gender balloon.

Gender balloon?

Gender balloon!

Come back!

Do we kiss now?

I'm gonna say
we're not there yet.

- Okay.
- Oh, look at him.

Eating off her plate,
the mooch.

You just know he's not paying
for lunch.

Oh, are we not done
tearing those people down yet?

Sorry, I know that woman.
It's a long st...

Where'd she go?

Did he make her cry?

That is the last thing
she needs right now.

Should I go over there?
Should I say something?

- I wouldn't.
- Jenny.

Hey.
What a surprise.

This is...
Look at us both here!

What the hell, Will?
You're spying on me?

Drama!

Am... am I doing this correctly?

Do I snap up?
Do I do the Z?

It's just one jazzy snap
across the body.

Sorry, I just got...
Got a little overwhelmed.

The audition is for the revival
of my favorite musical.

They're bringing back
"Diddler on the Poof"?

No.
It's for "On the Town."

I'm auditioning
for the pivotal dual role

of Sailor Number Five
and Fourth Workman.

But, Kar, before you
go back out there,

do you mind running it
with me once real quick?

Sure, honey.
Go ahead.

Oh, my gosh, okay.
Thank you so much.

Um, it's the baritone harmony
from the opening number.

Ooh.

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ Ooh

♪ Diddy diddy

♪ Zap zap

♪ Ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ahoy!

Thank you.

And then I'm silent
for like 64 bars.

A 3-run homer?
Am I dreaming?

I must be dreaming.
Someone pinch me.

That hurt so much.

It's really happening!

You better go out there, Kar.
It's a big day.

Ah, big day for both of us.

- Your first Broadway audition.
- It sure is.

Come on.
I'll walk you out.

Okay, great.

- You coming?
- Yeah, I'm, uh,

- right behind you.
- Okay.

Honey?

Just don't know
if I can do this.

This is your chance to be
a gay actor on Broadway.

It's never been done.

You could break
the ass ceiling.

Maybe it's time
to just face reality.

I'm not
a Broadway-caliber actor,

and I never will be.

Now, you listen to me.

Our friendship is the most
successful relationship

of my life.
And do you know why?

Because I threw that gun
in the river for you?

Because when I'm down,

you make me believe

that something great
is just around the corner.

You're a dreamer, Jackie.

It's the very best part of you.

Come on.
I'ma take you to that audition.

But what about the game?

Oh, honey.

You're way more important to me
than some silly game.

You're my poodle.

Kay, now.

Hey, um,
you wiped the fingerprints

off that gun first, right?

Oh, it doesn't matter.
They're your prints.

Hello, uh,
this is Grace Adler.

I'm a patient
of Dr. Saperstein's,

and I'm calling to find out
the gender of my baby.

Yeah, you're gonna wanna
check between the legs.

If it's an outie, it's a boy.

If it's an innie, it's a girl.

And if it's both,

please take a picture
and send it to me.

I've always wanted
to see one of those.

No, I'm pregnant.

Okay, well then
you're a girl.

Does that help?

Nurse?
Just look it up.

Okay, let's see.
Grace Adler.

Date of birth,
4/7/19.

Wait.
That can't be right.

Just tell me the gender,
please.

It says
the gender information

has been sent
to a balloon company.

Oh, yeah, um...

things didn't really work out
with the balloon,

and I threw it
off the balcony.

Well, let's hope things
work out with the baby.

Just tell me if I'm having
a boy or a girl.

"Ms. Adler requests

not to disclose information
over the phone."

Yes, yes.
I know.

That's because I didn't think
I'd be patient enough

to wait for the balloon,
but I was.

But I... I just got scared.

You know, that big
question mark on that balloon

just staring you
right in the face, you know?

Yeah, I get it.
You're conflicted.

It's like the first time
I hooked up with my step-dad.

The first time?

Yeah, it was
my 40th birthday,

and my step-dad said
I wasn't allowed

to get my ears pierced.

And I said,
"I don't have to listen to you.

You're not my real dad."

From then on, it escalated
into something really special.

Uh, thanks for, um,

well, uh...
I'm not really sure, just...

Okay, I guess this is a sign

that I'm... I'm not
supposed to know.

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Gender balloon,
you came back!

Don't you make me worry
like that ever again!

This is clearly a sign
that I'm supposed to find out.

Okay.

I'm gonna wait
until Will gets home,

and then I'm gonna pop you.

And I don't care.

Boy or girl,

I'm gonna love you
no matter what.

Let's just get one thing
really clear here.

You and me?
Business arrangement.

I'm really just your oven.

But you're not.
That's the problem.

Please.

I don't know how
to keep things separate.

You're doing this
extraordinary thing for me.

You're giving me something

the world has told me
for my entire life

that I could never have.

I have all this love
for you and...

I don't know what
to do with it.

I feel close to you too.

And I hate that because these
relationships have an end date.

I've done this before.

I've gotten invested.
I've gotten hurt.

You're just gonna move on
once the baby is born.

Jenny, that is not who I am.

For me, it'd be weird if you
weren't in my life in some way.

For me, too.

Can't we just do this
however we want?

We could give it a try.

I'd like that.

Will, uh, I'm sorry,

but I think there's a spark
with Chase.

He just asked me
to co-sign a loan for him.

But thank you
for taking my gay cherry.

Terrific.
Tell your friends.

So I kissed the balloon,

and you know how I haven't
waxed my upper lip in a while?

Well, it popped,

and the glitter powder
got all over me,

but I wanted to surprise you.

I am having...

I got the part!

You are looking
at the third understudy

for Sailor Number Five/Fourth
Workman

on Broadway.

Jack, that is amazing!

It just goes to show you
if you kind of try

for 38 years,
good things happen.

Congratulations!

I have big news too.

I am having...

We did it!

Bottom of the tenth,
bases loaded,

Rodriguez with a grand salami.

Who in this castle of queers

looks like they understand
what that means?

Well, did we win or lose?

We won.

We beat
the Adirondack Mosquitoes.

Good Lord, it's over.

I am finally done
with baseball!

Well,
until the new season starts.

Then there's recruiting,
spring training,

signing free agents...

Can I say my thing now?

I'm getting sweaty,
and I'm out of muffins.

Sorry, ghost.

It's just so exciting.

Baseball never ends.

Well, it does for me.

I was just doing this
to stick it to my ex.

But, uh,

you seem like you really care
about this team

and have nothing else
to live for.

Do you want the Millstones?

Oh, my God, yes.

Mrs. Walker,

you are the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

What are you talking about?
She ruined your bakery.

She took away
your first name.

She forced you to spend
a night in the woods

with a baby bear.

And now she's making

all of my dreams come true.

- Thanks, Mrs. Walker.
- Come on.

- You can call me Karen.
- Oh.

Nope, Mrs. Walker.

Good luck, Amy,
and, uh, don't forget

you signed an NDA.

Can I say my news now?

Will.

How dare you?

If you got a part
in Blue Man Group

and are stealing
my Broadway moment,

I will never forgive you.

I'm having a boy.

And?

I am so, so happy.

Synchronized by srjanapala