Will & Grace (1998–…): Season 1, Episode 20 - Saving Grace - full transcript

A successful and arrogant New York publicist hires Grace to decorate his house with the condition that she fixes him up with Will. But there's a problem: Will can't stand the guy. Meanwhile, Jack uses Karen to teach Will how to kiss someone he finds unattractive.

What do you think of this?
What do you think of this outfit?

- It's fine.
- Fine means crap.

- It's good.
- Good means fine.

Well. if good means fine
and fine means crap.

doesn't that mean that
good means crap?

The most important
interview of my career

and you're doing a little
word puzzlies?

( sighs )
I'm changing.

( with lrish accent)
You don't freak out about your outfits.

do you.
Iittle leprechaun?

Headline:
"I'm in love."



I must have missed
that headline.

Then again.
I don't read the farm report.

His name is Ramon.
Thank you for asking.

He's from
the Dominican Republic.

That's on the island
of Hispaniola.

I'm lovin' and learnin'
at the same time.

I'm listening and not caring
at the same time.

Poor. poor jealous you.
stuck inside the nunnery

while all the other girls
run around in their miniskirts

and take the pill.

How do you solve a problem
like Will Truman?

Oh. Iook.
it's Mother lnferior.

Okay. I need shoe help.

This one says I'm confident
and capable.



This one says I spend
way too much money on shoes

and I'm worth it.

- Mmm.
- What do you think?

Let me see the other one.

- Now the other.
- The other.

- No. the other.
- Now. add the arms.

Sunshine and rain.
and sunshine and rain...

Okay. I'm not auditioning for the road
company of "Babes in Boyland."

This is my chance to design
Nathan Barry's house.

The publicist?
That man ruined my career!

Wait. wait. wait.

You had a career
and you didn't tell me?

I sent him a flyer
to "Just Jack."

But did he come to "Just Jack."
where he would have been comped

and given a drink coupon?

No.

Three people saw "Just Jack."
Two of them were just us!

Sweetie. come on.

You gotta calm down.

You look great.
You are great.

You can get this.

All you have to do is figure out
the one thing

that you can bring to the table
that nobody else can.

and then you just do whatever you have
to do to close the deal. okay?

You go out there
and you knock 'em dead.

Our little girl's going out
to face the world.

Mmm. With two different
colored shoes on.

Grace!

Next.

Oh God.
I want this job.

I can get it.
I can get it.

Oh. Iook. Donna Karen's got
a new fragrance.

Oops.

Missed again. Donna.

DKPU.

Wow.

She must have opened with
"What about wicker?"

She wasn't even in there
long enough to show her book.

Oh. come on. She didn't have
to show him her book.

She was wearin'
a Joan Rivers bee pin.

Grace. stop fidgeting.
Everything's gonna be fine.

Just remember to let me
do the talking.

No.

I'm the designer.

You are the odd woman I pay
to insult my clothes.

I'll be doing the talking.

( sighs )
Suit yourself.

Speaking of which--

- ( door opens )
- Hmm.

No. no. we want that meeting.

Right. well.
you make it happen.

- Antonia Hutt?
- No. Grace Adler from Grace Adler--

- Antonia Hutt?
- No.

Alex. why didn't I get Antonia Hutt?
I love her work.

Marrakech?

Well. then I hope
she gets bit by a scorpion.

So do l. It'll mean one less
designer to compete with.

( snorts )

Book. please.

Um. this is a pied-?-terre
I did last spring.

Uh. that's a house I did
on Long lsland.

That was actually published in--
okay. you're a skimmer.

( sighs )
I should have known.

You have a skimmer's build.

I don't really do humor.

And I really don't like it
in others.

Oh. I'm not funny.
Ask anyone.

I'll vouch for that.

Do I know you?

Did we meet at Sharon and Todd's
for Michael's party?

No. I couldn't make it
to Sharon and Todd's.

But I was at Kate and Adam's
for Robert's opening.

I just saw Robert last week
at Barbara and Fred's.

Oh. I don't even talk
to Barbara and Fred anymore.

Not since the Eve
and Dennis debacle.

I live for Eve and Dennis.
I saw them last night.

We were with Sally and Eric.

Nicki. Donald.
Suzette and Peter.

We went to Elaine's.

Oh. I went to Elaine's once--
with Frieda and Sam.

The Jacobsons?

Friends of my parents.

( sighs )
All right. Iisten. honey.

We can't stand around
and chit-chat all day long.

Does she have
the job or not?

- I like you.
- Hmm.

If you ever find yourself
not working for her--

Oh. Nate.

I find myself not working for her
all the time.

So. come on. Nate.
What's the skinny?

- I need to see your home.
- My home?

Don't do that.

Don't buy time
by repeating what I say.

I need to see
where you live.

Why would I hire a designer
who lives in a dump?

( gasps )
I'm not buying time by repeating

what you say.

I know you have
to see where I live.

Why would you hire a designer
who lives in a dump?

Here's the address. honey.
Come by her dump tonight.

Uh. yeah. why don't you
come by around--

- I'll be there at 8:00.
- Great. 8:00. Don't be late.

Don't do that.
Don't rhyme.

- Karen?
- Hmm?

You know how you show up late.
don't do any work around the office.

don't know how to use
the fax or the computer

and spend your day
criticizing what I wear?

- Yeah.
- Keep doin' that.

Damn it! Stand!

Oh my God. I can't get the lily
to stand up straight.

Really?
Even after you yelled at it?

What a disobedient lily.
Maybe you should spank it.

Maybe you should spank it.

Hey. nervous. No one is gonna
notice one wayward lily.

Relax.
He's gonna love the place.

- Where are you going?
- To the bathroom.

Don't touch anything.

You know what I mean.
It's arranged perfectly in there.

I can't make any promises. Grace.
I may have to lift the toilet seat.

But I'll make mental note of where it was
and put it back exactly as I found it.

( knocking on door )

Nathan. hello.

- May I take your coat?
- No.

Okay. I get it.
It's a look.

Um. may I offer you a drink?

Oh. God. no.
I'm having drinks with friends.

Well. I've seen what I need to see.

Good night. Grace Adler.
I'll let you know on Monday.

Oh. you must be Nathan.
Will Truman.

Welcome to our home.

Well. I suppose
I could stay for a bit.

I really wanted to get my parents a very
special gift for their anniversary.

but I think cash is
so much more personal.

- Don't you?
- Mmm.

You do.

Where's your washroom?

Oh. it's just behind you.

Thanks.

It's going well. right?

Yeah. it's going fine.
I hope you get the job.

but this guy is a creep.

My God. he puts the "noxious"
in obnoxious.

Actually. he puts
the "ob" in it. too.

Well. I have to go now.

Good night. Will.

- It was nice meeting you.
- Nathan.

Grace Adler.
walk me to the elevator. please.

That's not really an indication
of what I'd do for you. of course.

- It's specific to Will and l--
- Is he involved right now?

Will? Oh. um. no.
Not at the moment.

I think maybe I'll let you work
for me. Grace Adler.

How can I get rid
of the "maybe"?

Did you get a sense that Will
was interested in me? Because I did.

( sighs )
I'm not gonna lie to you.

Yes.

I am very attracted to your roommate.
I want him to call me

and I want you to make that happen.
Will that be a problem?

- Do I have the job?
- Is he gonna call me?

- Do I have the job?
- Is he gonna call me?

- Do I have the job?
- Is he gonna call me?

- ( elevator rings )
- Yes.

- Then yes.
- Okay--

- So?
- I got it.

Tell me.

I'll tell you later.

Oh. come on. What did he say?
What did you say?

Did you bring something to the table
that nobody else could?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah. see? What was it?

You.

Jack:
Come to lunch.

Karen's in the car waitin'.
She's payin'.

You know. Jack.
one of the perks of working

is that you don't have to do this
when somebody buys you lunch.

Aw. somebody's not happy
because somebody has to date a pig.

That's not funny.

That's not. wait. Iet me think
about it just for a minute.

Yeah. it's pretty funny. actually.

Yes. I'm having one date
with Nathan Barry.

must you find humor
in my pain?

You know what's going to happen.
Mmmmmm... What's that?

( mimicking pig )
Ree-ree...

You and I have very different ideas
about what a first date entails.

But they all involve
the goodnight kiss.

Yeah. well. I can assure you
this one will not.

Hey. come on. boys.
What's the hold-up?

I only get four hours
for lunch.

Karen. wait a minute.
Come on in.

Will. you want to know how to get
through this date? I'll show you.

Oh. honey.
You still doing the law thing?

Will: Hmm.

Honey. you still doing
the l-married-for-love thing?

No.

Okay. focus. All right.

the key to dating
the undesirable is visual-ization.

All right. now it's the end
of the evening and Karen.

who is totally smitten
with me at this point--

thank you very much--
awaits a goodnight smooch.

Oh. Lord. Jack.
I just reapplied.

And as she leans in--

Ieaning. thank you--

I don't see Karen.

I see Dawson's Creek heartthrob
James Van Der Beek.

Now. this is an image
that works for me. okay?

Utilizing my powers of concentration.
I am now able to kiss James.

I mean Karen.

No. I mean James.

See? Any disgust I may feel
is now eased by visual-ization.

You know. I think I may
join you for lunch--

'cause here comes breakfast.

I know what you mean.

Politically. I'm tolerant
of the heterosexual lifestyle

but the actual act
is rather revolting.

So Dominick was just
up the beach from me.

and Jerry and her brood
were next door.

so I spent most
of my vacation time hiding.

I don't know who Dominick
and Jerry are.

Don't do that.
I'm not playing that.

You know which Dom and Jerry
I'm talking about.

Oh. right. right. right.
Dom and Jerry.

I always forget which one's the cat
and which one's the mouse.

- They're both cats.
- Ah.

Excuse me. this chicken is in strips.
I asked that you cube it.

You could get it right.
I'm here enough.

- How tough is it to cube a chicken?
- Well. Iet's see.

Chicken times chicken
times chicken--

No. no. no. no.
Silly doesn't really work for me.

Well. good thing I left
my whoopie cushion in my other pants.

No. no. Give it some air.
It'll open right up for you. Air.

( sighs )
So what are you working on now?

You know what I'm working on.
Don't do that.

I'm not doing that with you.

Okay. Iet's try
Potent Potables for 200.

You've seen the photography
exhibit at MOMA?

Oh. come on.
Iet's not go there.

Stay in the moment.
You can still win me over.

Smaller cubes.

So. you're some kind
of a lawyer?

Oh. come on. don't do that.

Don't go there.
I'm not doing that with you.

I'm sorry. I'm not following you.

I was just playing with you.

How boring.
Do you enjoy playing games?

Yeah.
I'm a big game player.

One of my favorites
is the being-nice-to-waiters game.

Yeah. if you win.
you get to not go to hell.

You are so like Tom.

Tom who?!

Who is Tom and why don't these people
give you their last names?

Wow.
You are arrogant.

Be careful. Will Truman.

You wouldn't want to offend me
and force me to rethink Grace Adler.

Are you kidding me
with this stuff?!

Nobody actually says
something like that

they're twirling a moustache
and tying Lillian Gish to the train tracks.

- Check. please.
- I'll take the check.

- No. give it to me.
- I have more money than he does.

- Yeah. but I'll tip you.
- And we have a winner.

Hi.

Hi.

He called.

Ugh-- Grace. I'm sorry.
I couldn't control myself.

It's just. outside
of a circus contortionist.

he's the only man I ever met that could
actually blow smoke up his own ass.

He's pretty bad.

So he fired you?

Actually.
he doubled my budget.

He doub--
that's fantastic.

Why are you eating
a Ding-Dong?

I did something bad.

- Tell me.
- You don't want to know.

Honey. after a date with Nathan Barry.
nothing could be that bad.

- Even a second date with Nathan Barry?
- Wait. what?

'Cause I told him you would go out
with him again.

Grace? What--

Will. he loved you!

Ugh...

He said it turned him on the way you were
totally direct with him and--

and put him in his place.

Yeah. well. Iet me be
totally direct with you.

I would rather go out with an Ebola-riddled
gibbon monkey than this guy.

Hell. I'd rather go out
with Pat Buchanan than this guy.

Will. please. Please?
Remember how you told me to do

whatever it takes to get this job?
I'm still doing that.

- I can't believe you're using me like this.
- Just one more date.

By then. the only thing
he'll want to fluff is the curtains.

Oh. come on. Will.
I've done things for you

that are just as bad as this.
without even batting an eye.

Name one!

I won't belittle this
with examples.

Will. Will. Will. please.

Please. I'm begging.

One more date. Please?

Unless he wants a third.

For God's sake. Grace.
why don't you just dress me up

in fishnet stockings
and thigh-high boots?

You'd do that?

This isn't right.

I should be
designing this place.

Hey. fellas. Either sweat less
or crack a window. huh?

I can't believe
Will blew this for me.

It's so ridiculous.
I wasn't prostituting him.

All I asked was that he make himself
romantically available to someone

he doesn't particularly like
so I could make a little money.

He wouldn't even do that!

Hey. what's going on?
Did we get fired?

Where have you been?
I've been talking about this all day.

Oh. spring edition.
600 pages.

You've been nothing but a series of hoots
and clicks to me since breakfast.

( sighs )
Well. we haven't officially been fired yet.

but Will refuses to go out
with Nathan again. so--

- So he fired you?
- Well. not yet. but--

Well. wait.
Honey. wait a minute here.

Listen. you know how you get
a year's supply of Omaha steaks

every time
you buy a Bentley?

Um. no...

but I'm very interested where
this synaptic misfire's gonna land.

Grace. you are the luxury automobile.
Will's just a piece of meat.

Are you really so insecure
about your work

that you don't realize that Will is just
the free gift with purchase?

But...

Nathan would have never
given me the job--

Oh. bu-bu-bu...
...bu-bu-bu...

...bu-bu-bu-bu-da-da-ga-ga-
go-go-too too--

Honey. I'm usually not this sensitive.
Ride the wave.

Did it ever occur to you
that maybe Nathan Barry

might let you keep your job
because you're a good designer?!

- You know. you're right.
- Yeah.

I mean. people hire me all the time
and they love my work.

I mean. why would Nathan
blow all this money

if he didn't really think
that I knew what I was doing?

I am a Bentley!

- Okay. I'll go out with him.
- Oh. thank God.

He would have fired my ass
just as sure as I'm standing here.

I called him.
He's on his way over.

There's a few things
I want to say to him first.

Talk to him.
don't talk to him.

I respect anything that
you think you need to do.

I can't get you out of my head.

I want to live here.
I want to have cats with you.

- Whoa. whoa. whoa. Hold it.
- No. Iet me finish.

White Siamese.
I've already got them named.

Grizabella and Skimbleshanks.
The railway cat.

Okay. problem.

Warm and fuzzy
doesn't work for me.

You can go now.

Grace Adler!
We need to discuss wallpaper!

Oh. yeah! That was good!
That was good--

Okay. you don't care.
But Grace is gonna love that.