Wilfred (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 11 - Doubt - full transcript

Hey.

Why does everything look different?
And what have you done with my hair?

I distinctly remember leaving it
right here, all over the place.

I'm cleaning up a little.

Oh, what?

Because you've stopped smoking weed,
I can't either?

I'm trying to air the place out.

Sorry, Ryan.

Die. Evil. Robot.

It's dead.

Ryan, it's been 10 days.
What are you trying to prove?



I'm not trying to prove anything.
I just like feeling clear-headed for a change.

I've got time for things
like catching up on my reading...

...and learning yoga.
Yoga?

Yeah. Kristen invited me
to one of her classes.

Kristen?

Exactly how long is this pointless
lifestyle experiment gonna last?

I've made some positive
changes in my life.

In fact, last night
I polished up my resume.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy does it.

A job, Ryan?

You really think you're ready
for that?

Up there?
I've never felt better.

Why are you trying
to undermine my confidence?

It's like you're
working against me.



Working against you?

Come on, mate. Have a little faith.

Don't you think you're
being a bit paranoid?

Look, Ryan, I know you've got your
doubts, but you're my best friend.

I love you, mate.

I'd never do anything to ... Ryan.

Are you listening to me?
Aah! What?

I said I'd never do
anything to harm you.

Mm.

A whimsical, light-bodied bouquet.

Crisp, with a hint of peach.

And a lingering,
rotten-egg finish. Exquisite.

Boy, I needed this.
I have been so stressed lately.

What's up?
Dr. Ramos invited me...

...to go to India for four months
to help him open his new clinic.

Congratulations. That's amazing.
Well, Leo doesn't want me to go.

He says I won't be able
to adjust to a new culture.

Excuse me, but I was the one
who was willing to live in the Valley.

Leo thinks I talk too much.

We actually haven't been talking.

Communicating at all ...

Ryan.

Hey. Do you see that guy?

Who are you talking about?

Never mind.

Oh, Ryan, you have to experience this.

Leathery, with subtle
tones of menstruation.

When this opens up,
it's gonna be beautiful.

I wasn't gonna tell you because
you've been acting so negative lately...

...but I'm going
on a date tomorrow.

A date? With who?
No one.

Just someone I met.

Met where?
Well, I ...

Oh.
No.

Oh, my God. Please tell me that
donkey-faced thing with the braces...

...isn't the chick you're going with.
She doesn't have braces.

You can't see them,
they're probably on her legs.

How do you think she supports
that massive donkey face?

I think she's a great match for me.

She's a partner at a marketing firm,
she enjoys fitness.

She's looking
for a long-term relationship.

It's way too soon for that.

Let me find you a nice
hit-it-and-quit-it chick.

Gross.

Gut of your league.

Lazy eye.

Balding Asian grandmother.

Gross.

Ooh, here we go.

Angelique.

Are you kidding?
Are you kidding?

all types.

This chick must be, like,
an expert in music.

Ryan, wait. Look.

I get it.

You're feeling better about things.

You're cleaning and yogaing
and not smoking...

...and life seems like one big,
fluffy, pink cloud.

Yeah? So?

It's not real.

You think your demons
have vanished, but...

...that's a lie, mate.

No offense, but I think I know myself
better than you do.

You're right. What do I know?

I'm just your neighbor's dog who talks
to you and doubles partner in Wii tennis.

You're totally fine.

Mm. Everything looks so good.

I can't decide.

Ha, ha. Ooh.

Red velvet.

I think I'm gonna be a little bit
naughty today.

Nice dog.

He's got quite a personality.

Yeah, that's Wilfred, all right?

Heh. Wilfred?

Is that what he's
calling himself now?

You know, that's real Italian leather.
He might wanna get a sharper knife.

What?
Yeah.

I see him too.

And I hear him.

I hear the things he says.

Okay, if this is kind of twisted joke.
No.

Wilfred ruined my life.

And you know what?

You're next.

Don't know why you've been following me.
I'm Bruce. Ryan, is it?

Don't you bullshit me, Ryan,
you see him.

We both know
what I'm talking about.

- Who are you?
- Ryan? Ryan?

Shit, he's coming.

Do not tell Wilfred we talked.

You call me when you're
ready to learn the truth.

There you are.

Find anything interesting here?
Oh, no. Not really.

Wilfred.

This thing we have.

The way we communicate.

Have you ever had this soft of...

...relationship with anyone else?

Why do you ask?

Have you?

It happened once before.

I was at a party...

...and this guy looked right at me
and said, "Hey. What's up, dog?

I see you and I know what you're up to."

And I said, "Well, I see you too.

If you've got something to say, say it."

Turns out he was talking
to the guy right behind me...

...who'd been banging his wife.

Wait. Ryan, please tell me
there hasn't been a guy...

...standing behind me since we met.

So...

...nobody else?

You're one of a kind, Ryan.

I had just gotten promoted
to night manager.

I decided to treat myself
to a sweet-ass studio apartment.

Mini fridge, black light,
you name it.

Then one day, I stopped
by my landlady's to drop off the rent...

...and this guy answers the door.
Now I can only assume...

...must be her mentally unstable son.

It's like he's playing
dress-up or something.

But what I didn't know was that
other people didn't see what I saw.

Sound familiar?
Yeah. I just never thought...

...I'd hear this from someone else.
Anyway, we smoke a joint.

Tells me a couple funny stories.

Next thing I know, I'm hanging
out with him all the time.

I'm his goddamn best friend.

Let me guess. He talked you
out of getting a job, didn't he?

Keeps you smoking weed
all the time.

Hell, I bet he even got you to take
a piss in some poor guy's hat.

Not exactly.
And then he convinced you...

...to make out with your own father.
What? No.

Yeah.

No. I mean me, neither.

Look...

...I know Wilfred may not be
the best influence...

...but he's my friend.
Yeah, I thought so too.

One night we're at this strip club.

Wilfred slips me a condom.

Shoves me in the VIP room.

Turns out, he poked a hole
in the tip of that condom.

Next thing I know,
I'm the proud father...

...of Cinnamon Sizzle's first-born twins.

Jesus.
But the whole time...

...through all the boozing,
debauchery, and making out with--

People I wouldn't
have normally made out with.

I never doubted that Wilfred
was looking out for me.

I can tell you don't believe me.

But just ask yourself this.

How well do you
really know Wilfred?

I'll be back from the dentist
in a couple hours, so...

...just hang out on the couch
and I don't know...

...do whatever it is
you do when I'm not around.

Later, man.

I'm sure I'll be right here
on the couch where you left me.

Why are you following me?

I, uh ...

What, you don't trust me?
Whats going on?

I don't know what to think any more.

Ryan?

Um, yeah.

It's me...

...Angelique.

Oh. Hi.
Hey, just to warn you...

...I had a gin and Sprite...

...while I was getting ready.

Okay, two. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, where's your fedora?

You said in your message
you were gonna wear it.

My message?
Oh, my God.

Some of the things that you wrote...

...were so gross...

...I almost didn't come here
on this date.

But then I was like...

...gross is kind of hot, right?

And all of that stuff
about the post office ...

I don't really know...

...what snout rape means...

...but I hate my mailman too.

Twenty-three inches, Ryan.

What?
I know, right?

Why the hell
am I on a date with Angelique...

...and not the girl I picked?

Angelique is an alcoholic
blow-job machine.

And you're welcome.

Listen, I think I'm just
gonna head home and call it a night.

Why don't I just pay
for my drink.

Oh, I get it.

Let's head home?

Call it a night?

I'm down with that.

Excuse me.
Yeah.

Shitty date, huh?

What are you doing here?

Do you believe me now,
Ryan?

I don't know who to believe any more.

Then test that condom.

It's not too late for you, Ryan.

Get rid of Wilfred.

Get your life back.

Get rid of him?

You mean kill him.

What's wrong with you?
You don't kill him.

You take him in the middle
of nowhere, ditch him.

But he's not even my dog. I--
Shh.

He's not your dog...

...but he's your problem.

All right.

I'll do it.

Hey. Uh, give me just a second.

Did you just--'?
Shh.

Let me just wash my hands.

Wait, so, where we're
going there's an acre...

...a full acre of just pot plants,
all for the taking?

And there's no security?

That's what the guy
at the dispensary said.

So would I be able to, like, stuff
this whole knapsack full of weed?

Sure.

Never smelled that before.

Never smelled that before.

Never smelled that before.

Oh, shoot.
Never smelled that before.

I just realized, I left the granola
bars back in the car.

I'll just go get them.
I'll come with you.

No, no. That's okay.

Uh, just go ahead, I'll catch up.
You stay here, I'll go back to the car.

No, no, no. Just...

."stay, Wilfred.

Stay.
Is something going on, mate?

You're acting kind of ...

Wait, are you...

...leaving me here?

What was that?
What was what?

Bruce.
What are you doing here?

Who are you talking to,
mate?

Bruce. You don't see him?

See who?

I knew he'd do this.

He sees me,
he's just being a dick.

Ryan, there's just you
and me here, you know that?

You're really starting
to worry me now.

Look, let's just go back to the car--

Oh, dude...

...you are bloody kidding me!

See? He knows I'm here.

Hello, Bruce.

I should've known
you'd have a hand in this.

And you, Ryan.

Conspiring with this lunatic
behind my back.

Okay, it's true.

I met Bruce a couple days ago and--
He told you some crazy story...

...about me ruining his life?

Don't listen.
He's trying to get inside your head.

Who you gonna believe, Ryan?

Whoa, whoa.
What?

We can't
leave him here, Ryan.

Now, I don't know
what you are.

I don't know if you're a devil,
an alien...

...or something crazier than that,
but someone's gotta stop you.

You're not well, mate.

Now, listen to me.
I'm through listening to you.

Violence is never the answer.

As the great Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr. once said.

Oh, shit. Jesus.

Ryan. Give me the gun.
Don't do it, Ryan.

He's gonna ruin your life
like mine. Give me that gun.

Bullshit. Tell Ryan about
your cocaine addiction?

Or your weakness for prostitutes?

You convinced me to make out
with my father.

Everyone at the party loved it.
They thought it was edgy.

Stop!

Not up there, you idiot.
He's down here.

I don't wanna do this.

Kill him, Ryan. Kill him!

Well done, Ryan. Well done.

Look what you
made me do.

Oh, no, this was your choice.

What are you talking about?
I just killed a man.

Or did you?

Oh! Ha, ha.

Blanks?

What the hell is going on?
Isn't it obvious?

No, it's not obvious.
Nothing is ever obvious with you.

May I?

Hi, Ryan.

Hi, Bruce.
Here's the thing, pal.

This shit is complicated.

Good game, Bruce.

I'll get you next time.
Yeah, we'll see about that.

See you around, kid.

Good game?

Well, it was more
of a contest, really.

And I won. But the real winner...

...is you.

And me, of course.

That doesn't really clear things up
for me, Wilfred.

Remember the other day
when I told you...

...that your problems
hadn't simply vanished?

I warned you something like this
would happen, you doubted me.

So you made something like this
happen?

The fact is, you had your doubts,
so I put you to the test...

...and when the chips were down,
you chose faith over doubt.

You chose me.

So who the hell was that guy?

What guy?
Bruce. The guy who was just here.

I don't know who
you're talking about, mate.

But he was ...

But you ...

Oh, oh, Bruce? The guy
who was just here, "Bruce" Bruce.

Oh, yeah, he's gone, for now.

Listen.

If you see him around again,
you need to let me know, okay?

I guess you were right.

I still have a long road ahead of me.

And all those positive changes
I thought I made...

...were just fluffy pink clouds.

Yeah. But those clouds
have a silver lining.

Me.

You don't have to go it alone,
Ryan.

Thanks.

You know...

...I really think I'm gonna be all right.

Of course you are.

I ain't going anywhere.

All right, all right.

Fair enough.
I'll tell you how I met Bruce.

It was about five years ago.

I was hanging around
this college campus.

Bruce was a professor there.

And one day, he wrote...

...this super-complicated
math equation on the board...

...that no one could solve,
except me, the janitor.

Matt Damon?
Good Will Hunting?

Okay.

It's only fair you know
the truth about Bruce.

But I haven't told this
to anyone.

I was a young pup at the time.

Good-looking, but a little messed-up
in the head.

I met Bruce while I was infiltrating
the Boston Police Department...

...for this Irish mobster.
The Departed?

You want to know
how I met Bruce?

The truth is...

...I don't remember.

All right, well...

...that's an honest answer.
There's a lot of things I don't remember.

Where I'm from?

How I got here?

There's only one thing I do know.

My name is Jason Bourne.