Wild Life (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - A River Runs Zoo It - full transcript
The critters go tubing on the river, and Marny meets a fellow dolphin.
[upbeat music]
- [snarling]
- [whistling]
♪ ♪
- [snarling]
[yelling]
- Boom!
[laughs]
So, what do we think?
We likey?
- It's a fence.
- This isn't why
- you brought us here, is it?
To bore us to death?
- [gasps]
- Bore you?
This is
a 20,000-volt electric fence
- that stops stray humans
- from getting in the zoo
And eating your damn face.
- What?
- Sport killing stray humans
- Is the only fun thing
- to do around here.
- Where am I gonna get
- my thrills now?
Where, Darby?
- Come on, Glenn.
Don't you love the smell
of mutant in the morning?
- Yeah, totally.
- I...
- [gurgling]
- [coughing and retching]
- I think the fence is cool.
- Ugh!
- Thank you, Hudson.
- But how does it know
to only electrocute humans?
- [yelling]
- [humming fades]
- Damn it.
Spent weeks on this.
The heck?
Where did you come from,
little cable friend?
- The heck?
- What the...?
- Oh, look at that.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
all: Whoa.
Whoa!
[laughing]
- Are you seeing this shit?
- Huh, a broadcast studio.
Who knew?
- Welp, I'm gonna go fix
- the fence, clean up your mess,
- Save your lives, et cetera.
- What?
Don't you wanna stick around
and make TV with us?
- I don't know.
I always found TV
kind of boring.
- Go fix your fence, fence man.
We'll be sure to forget you
when we're famous.
Come on, everyone.
Let's make some content.
♪ ♪
[crickets chirping]
[TV signal toning]
[sparse string melody]
- [muffled grumbling]
- [cackling]
- Your sloth style is no match
for the fox fist of fury!
Hi-yow!
Oh, God. Cut. Cut.
- We're live, dumbass.
- No, I'm cut.
Oh, it's right through my arm...
Oh, and part of my ribs.
- [muffled retching]
- Eww, gross, dude.
- I don't know what this is,
- but I want 18 more hours of it
- all at once.
[gentle music]
- Come out of Child's Pose
and push up into
a Downward-Facing Dolphin.
- Feel free to grab...
- Is her voice
Making anyone else feel things?
[moaning softly]
- Whew, I got the tingles.
- [whirring]
- "Vivin' on the Edge."
Edgy!
Totally fucked!
- What am I running from?
- What is this really about?
[laidback guitar music]
- The sign on the building might say "Sanctuary,"
- but if you're a bird - who can't fly,
- It's anything but.
- That's right.
My quest for thrills
led me to my dumbest idea yet,
- embedding myself
- with the zoo's
Most vile flock of fascists,
The Flight Supremacists.
[audience booing]
- It's Deborah.
[laughs]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
No, well, fuck him then.
Welcome back.
Today, we talk
to three amazing individuals
who make me sick.
- A masochist who finds escape
- through pain.
- [groaning] Oh!
- An attention-seeking
- thrill slut.
- I prefer "thrill whore."
- And an impotent cheetah.
- Whoa, what the...
- Stick around and let
the reflecting begin...
- [laughs]
- With Deborah.
[audience cheering]
- Who's on crafty?
We're out of crepes.
- My walkie's out of batteries,
- so I'm gonna shout
- the rest of the day.
- [grunting and whooping]
- I can't work like this.
Does the word "professionism"
mean nothing to you idiots?
- The photogenic panda's right.
[stirring music]
This pretzel cart needs
professional management.
- [gasps] Famed television
producer Guy LeFaux?
Everyone shut up right now.
If you Philip-steins
knew anything,
you'd know this toucan
won two Canny Awards
for Excellence in Broadcasting.
- Guilty as charged.
But it's like I said in my
off-the-cuff acceptance speech,
excellence has many meanings,
- but for me,
- it all comes down to...
Biscuits and shit!
What's that?
Oh, sorry.
- Thought the little bugger
- was a penguin.
- Awful pests.
- What'd that guy just say?
- I've been watching
your little dog-and-
whatever you are show.
I've never seen so much
potential potential.
A master of blade craft,
an icon of Vinyasa Flow,
and a badass tiger.
- Cheetah, but it's okay.
You're crushing this.
- Give me two-can weeks,
- and I'll have your faces
- on shirts
Faster than you can say,
"Catch phrase."
[applause]
- I'm a sloth, dick-beak.
- And what would you say
are the side effects
- of these performance-enhancing
- miracle drugs
- That I'm so proud to endorse?
- [snarling]
- Well, that's the best part,
- Deborah.
- Mm-hmm?
- There are no side effects.
- I know a cheetah
- who would love this.
[upbeat funky music]
- [groans]
- The ratings are in.
- [excited murmuring]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm freaking out.
- I'm freaking out.
- Congratulations, Deborah.
- You're a star.
- [gasps] Oh, my God.
Am I ready for this?
Oh, wait, I was born ready.
- Ah, and Viv.
We're giving your slot to Deb.
- What?
- I'm one explosive episode away
- From bringing down
- a hate group.
- Heh. The only thing
- you're bringing down
- Is the ratings
- during primetime.
- But people love my show.
It's real, it's raw, it's...
- Canceled, sorry.
- Take this
- complimentary T-shirt,
And please,
find your thrills off-air.
- Motherfucker, think you
- can take my thrills
Away from me, toucan?
- What about my show?
- Yes, the jaguar.
- Cheetah. No biggie.
- Remind me again.
- The limited series I pitched
- about the love between
- a cheetah and a Marny...
I... I mean a marine animal.
- Oh, yes, I loved it.
- Except for the ending,
- which I hated.
Start again, and make it more
adult for our late-night block.
- Adult?
- Yes. Naughty it up.
Debbie, let's walk and squawk.
- Oh, Hudson.
- I almost forgot.
- You're canceled too.
- What?
No one cancels the fox fist.
Hi-yah!
Oh, my arms and legs...
and face and hands and body.
- So we've been getting
a lot of feedback.
Mostly that you want less yoga
and more rolling over stuff
[whispering]
while whispering.
[bubble wrap popping]
- Mm.
I got the tingles.
- [snarling]
[electricity crackling]
- Good job, fence.
What the fu...
What the... fah!
[groaning and snarling]
- All right.
Time to shut
this shit show down.
Pun deeply intended.
This whole place
is a mutant magnet.
[grunts]
- Do you know what this means?
We're a crossover hit, baby!
- I won't disappoint
my audience.
It's time to class it up.
Politics, discourse.
That's what
Deborah stands for now.
♪ ♪
[moaning]
- And how do you live
- with the shame
Of being a kink icon?
- Huh? I'm a yoga instructor.
I think...
- Ooh!
- Sounds like someone
has some...
reflecting to do.
All: Reflecting to do!
- Reflect on this!
- Bring back
- "Vivin' on the Edge"!
- Bring back
- "Vivin' on the Edge"!
Bring back... aw, fuck it.
- Hey, have you
- seen Guy lately?
Son of a gun
still has my tiki torch.
- Anyway, which one
- is Guy again?
- You know, big beak.
- Hmm?
- Weird accent.
- Huh?
- Said he was leaving
- to pretend to be
A TV producer of some kind.
- The fuck?
- What else can I say
- about him?
Oh! Hates penguins.
Almost as much as I do.
[laughs] Oh, relax.
I'm not some monster.
I just believe birds
that can't fly are unnatural.
Oh!
[bright music]
- Naughty. Rawr.
Oh, yeah.
Mm, like butts.
Yeah,
like two different butts...
Oh, God, Glenn.
Just face it, all right?
You're not naughty
by nature, pal.
[shouts]
[ominous music]
- [snarling] Must...
Reflect.
- That's not good.
[shouts]
- What is she still doing
on my air?
- I can cancel her too,
I'm just saying,
Marny's actually popular.
- We had a deal.
Now are you a tou-can
or a tou-won't?
- Ow!
♪ ♪
- Well, well,
well, well, well.
Start squawking, asshole.
[whimpers and farts]
Ugh, gross, dude.
[upbeat music and applause]
- Tonight's
a very special episode.
Please welcome our guest,
the one, the only...
- Guy, or should I say Guy?
[gasp]
Fames flight supremacist
and secret co-conspirator
to your beloved host, Deborah.
- It's true.
- Debbie told me
- If I canceled
- all the other shows,
She'd help take care
of all the penguins.
[all gasp]
- Yeah, which I did.
[gentle music]
Oh, "take care of."
- Yeah, I hear it now.
- That's really bad.
- I'll give you
- a crossover hit,
You bird-brained mother...
[scoffs]
- [yelling]
Humans!
So, so many humans.
[grunts]
- Ah, my fans.
[snarling]
- Aah! My fans!
What do we do?
- [grunts]
- We put on a kickass show.
♪ ♪
[cheering]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
[cheering]
[roaring]
No!
[cheers and applause]
- Oh!
[humming fading]
[groans]
[disconcerted grumbling]
- Bring it back!
- Ah, sport killing humans,
the original thrill.
Now, I've got
a toucan to cancel.
- Ha, ha.
- So long, suck...
[shouting]
- Ah, well, guess I better
take this boring fence down.
So boring.
- Wow.
- Great work, Darby.
- Loving the fence right now.
- Oh, wow.
It's an electric fence.
♪ ♪
- Welp, I'm bored.
What's on TV?
♪ ♪
- [snarling]
- [whistling]
♪ ♪
- [snarling]
[yelling]
- Boom!
[laughs]
So, what do we think?
We likey?
- It's a fence.
- This isn't why
- you brought us here, is it?
To bore us to death?
- [gasps]
- Bore you?
This is
a 20,000-volt electric fence
- that stops stray humans
- from getting in the zoo
And eating your damn face.
- What?
- Sport killing stray humans
- Is the only fun thing
- to do around here.
- Where am I gonna get
- my thrills now?
Where, Darby?
- Come on, Glenn.
Don't you love the smell
of mutant in the morning?
- Yeah, totally.
- I...
- [gurgling]
- [coughing and retching]
- I think the fence is cool.
- Ugh!
- Thank you, Hudson.
- But how does it know
to only electrocute humans?
- [yelling]
- [humming fades]
- Damn it.
Spent weeks on this.
The heck?
Where did you come from,
little cable friend?
- The heck?
- What the...?
- Oh, look at that.
[techno music]
♪ ♪
all: Whoa.
Whoa!
[laughing]
- Are you seeing this shit?
- Huh, a broadcast studio.
Who knew?
- Welp, I'm gonna go fix
- the fence, clean up your mess,
- Save your lives, et cetera.
- What?
Don't you wanna stick around
and make TV with us?
- I don't know.
I always found TV
kind of boring.
- Go fix your fence, fence man.
We'll be sure to forget you
when we're famous.
Come on, everyone.
Let's make some content.
♪ ♪
[crickets chirping]
[TV signal toning]
[sparse string melody]
- [muffled grumbling]
- [cackling]
- Your sloth style is no match
for the fox fist of fury!
Hi-yow!
Oh, God. Cut. Cut.
- We're live, dumbass.
- No, I'm cut.
Oh, it's right through my arm...
Oh, and part of my ribs.
- [muffled retching]
- Eww, gross, dude.
- I don't know what this is,
- but I want 18 more hours of it
- all at once.
[gentle music]
- Come out of Child's Pose
and push up into
a Downward-Facing Dolphin.
- Feel free to grab...
- Is her voice
Making anyone else feel things?
[moaning softly]
- Whew, I got the tingles.
- [whirring]
- "Vivin' on the Edge."
Edgy!
Totally fucked!
- What am I running from?
- What is this really about?
[laidback guitar music]
- The sign on the building might say "Sanctuary,"
- but if you're a bird - who can't fly,
- It's anything but.
- That's right.
My quest for thrills
led me to my dumbest idea yet,
- embedding myself
- with the zoo's
Most vile flock of fascists,
The Flight Supremacists.
[audience booing]
- It's Deborah.
[laughs]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
No, well, fuck him then.
Welcome back.
Today, we talk
to three amazing individuals
who make me sick.
- A masochist who finds escape
- through pain.
- [groaning] Oh!
- An attention-seeking
- thrill slut.
- I prefer "thrill whore."
- And an impotent cheetah.
- Whoa, what the...
- Stick around and let
the reflecting begin...
- [laughs]
- With Deborah.
[audience cheering]
- Who's on crafty?
We're out of crepes.
- My walkie's out of batteries,
- so I'm gonna shout
- the rest of the day.
- [grunting and whooping]
- I can't work like this.
Does the word "professionism"
mean nothing to you idiots?
- The photogenic panda's right.
[stirring music]
This pretzel cart needs
professional management.
- [gasps] Famed television
producer Guy LeFaux?
Everyone shut up right now.
If you Philip-steins
knew anything,
you'd know this toucan
won two Canny Awards
for Excellence in Broadcasting.
- Guilty as charged.
But it's like I said in my
off-the-cuff acceptance speech,
excellence has many meanings,
- but for me,
- it all comes down to...
Biscuits and shit!
What's that?
Oh, sorry.
- Thought the little bugger
- was a penguin.
- Awful pests.
- What'd that guy just say?
- I've been watching
your little dog-and-
whatever you are show.
I've never seen so much
potential potential.
A master of blade craft,
an icon of Vinyasa Flow,
and a badass tiger.
- Cheetah, but it's okay.
You're crushing this.
- Give me two-can weeks,
- and I'll have your faces
- on shirts
Faster than you can say,
"Catch phrase."
[applause]
- I'm a sloth, dick-beak.
- And what would you say
are the side effects
- of these performance-enhancing
- miracle drugs
- That I'm so proud to endorse?
- [snarling]
- Well, that's the best part,
- Deborah.
- Mm-hmm?
- There are no side effects.
- I know a cheetah
- who would love this.
[upbeat funky music]
- [groans]
- The ratings are in.
- [excited murmuring]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm freaking out.
- I'm freaking out.
- Congratulations, Deborah.
- You're a star.
- [gasps] Oh, my God.
Am I ready for this?
Oh, wait, I was born ready.
- Ah, and Viv.
We're giving your slot to Deb.
- What?
- I'm one explosive episode away
- From bringing down
- a hate group.
- Heh. The only thing
- you're bringing down
- Is the ratings
- during primetime.
- But people love my show.
It's real, it's raw, it's...
- Canceled, sorry.
- Take this
- complimentary T-shirt,
And please,
find your thrills off-air.
- Motherfucker, think you
- can take my thrills
Away from me, toucan?
- What about my show?
- Yes, the jaguar.
- Cheetah. No biggie.
- Remind me again.
- The limited series I pitched
- about the love between
- a cheetah and a Marny...
I... I mean a marine animal.
- Oh, yes, I loved it.
- Except for the ending,
- which I hated.
Start again, and make it more
adult for our late-night block.
- Adult?
- Yes. Naughty it up.
Debbie, let's walk and squawk.
- Oh, Hudson.
- I almost forgot.
- You're canceled too.
- What?
No one cancels the fox fist.
Hi-yah!
Oh, my arms and legs...
and face and hands and body.
- So we've been getting
a lot of feedback.
Mostly that you want less yoga
and more rolling over stuff
[whispering]
while whispering.
[bubble wrap popping]
- Mm.
I got the tingles.
- [snarling]
[electricity crackling]
- Good job, fence.
What the fu...
What the... fah!
[groaning and snarling]
- All right.
Time to shut
this shit show down.
Pun deeply intended.
This whole place
is a mutant magnet.
[grunts]
- Do you know what this means?
We're a crossover hit, baby!
- I won't disappoint
my audience.
It's time to class it up.
Politics, discourse.
That's what
Deborah stands for now.
♪ ♪
[moaning]
- And how do you live
- with the shame
Of being a kink icon?
- Huh? I'm a yoga instructor.
I think...
- Ooh!
- Sounds like someone
has some...
reflecting to do.
All: Reflecting to do!
- Reflect on this!
- Bring back
- "Vivin' on the Edge"!
- Bring back
- "Vivin' on the Edge"!
Bring back... aw, fuck it.
- Hey, have you
- seen Guy lately?
Son of a gun
still has my tiki torch.
- Anyway, which one
- is Guy again?
- You know, big beak.
- Hmm?
- Weird accent.
- Huh?
- Said he was leaving
- to pretend to be
A TV producer of some kind.
- The fuck?
- What else can I say
- about him?
Oh! Hates penguins.
Almost as much as I do.
[laughs] Oh, relax.
I'm not some monster.
I just believe birds
that can't fly are unnatural.
Oh!
[bright music]
- Naughty. Rawr.
Oh, yeah.
Mm, like butts.
Yeah,
like two different butts...
Oh, God, Glenn.
Just face it, all right?
You're not naughty
by nature, pal.
[shouts]
[ominous music]
- [snarling] Must...
Reflect.
- That's not good.
[shouts]
- What is she still doing
on my air?
- I can cancel her too,
I'm just saying,
Marny's actually popular.
- We had a deal.
Now are you a tou-can
or a tou-won't?
- Ow!
♪ ♪
- Well, well,
well, well, well.
Start squawking, asshole.
[whimpers and farts]
Ugh, gross, dude.
[upbeat music and applause]
- Tonight's
a very special episode.
Please welcome our guest,
the one, the only...
- Guy, or should I say Guy?
[gasp]
Fames flight supremacist
and secret co-conspirator
to your beloved host, Deborah.
- It's true.
- Debbie told me
- If I canceled
- all the other shows,
She'd help take care
of all the penguins.
[all gasp]
- Yeah, which I did.
[gentle music]
Oh, "take care of."
- Yeah, I hear it now.
- That's really bad.
- I'll give you
- a crossover hit,
You bird-brained mother...
[scoffs]
- [yelling]
Humans!
So, so many humans.
[grunts]
- Ah, my fans.
[snarling]
- Aah! My fans!
What do we do?
- [grunts]
- We put on a kickass show.
♪ ♪
[cheering]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
[cheering]
[roaring]
No!
[cheers and applause]
- Oh!
[humming fading]
[groans]
[disconcerted grumbling]
- Bring it back!
- Ah, sport killing humans,
the original thrill.
Now, I've got
a toucan to cancel.
- Ha, ha.
- So long, suck...
[shouting]
- Ah, well, guess I better
take this boring fence down.
So boring.
- Wow.
- Great work, Darby.
- Loving the fence right now.
- Oh, wow.
It's an electric fence.
♪ ♪
- Welp, I'm bored.
What's on TV?
♪ ♪