Wild Life (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - We Bot A Zoo - full transcript
Darby makes robot versions of everyone.
Did I graze it?
Did I get it?
Am I hot or am I cold?
- Stop overthinking
- and commit already!
Indecisive motherfucker.
Come on, big molar, big molar,
big molar, big molar!
Oh, shit, yeah!
I just took
all your bicuspids, Ze-yotch!
Suck it!
- She's a child, you psycho.
- Hey, lady, I'm not the one
who raised their kid
to be a fucking loser!
- Dang! Free massages?
Hell yes.
- I know, right?
Just start wherever
and work your way down.
Feel free to go... low.
- What the heck is this?
A party?
Oh, let me guess.
Hudson's invitation must've
got lost in the mail.
- Huh?
Oh, no, I didn't send one.
- Attention, party animals!
What do you get for the cheetah
- who has no idea what he wants
- and when you ask,
He has a full-on panic attack?
- I went with nothing.
- Yeah, same.
- Sorry, Glenn.
You got to tell a bitch.
- Behold the most giftastic
gift of all time.
The perfect companion
built to be exactly like you
in every way.
Glenn, meet Glenn-bot.
- Hey, Glenn-bot!
- How's it going?
- Hey, Glenn.
How's it going?
- Hey.
- Oh!
- Ooh, spooky.
- As fuck.
- Wow! Thanks, Darb.
- This is way better
- than the noise machine
- I told everyone I wanted,
- but no one got me, I guess.
- Hmm.
- Okay, he's perfect
and I love him.
- Happy birthday, buddy.
- What the shit?
Where's my me-bot?
- Yeah, no fair!
I want to hang out
with my awesome self.
- If they get one, I get one,
- and give mine lasers!
- Fine.
- Tea, Glenn-bot?
- Ooh, English breakfast,
please.
And decaf.
- Right. Yes, decaf, obviously.
So it's your first day.
What are we feeling?
Should we listen to music,
do some journaling,
get our morning pages in...
Or... oh!
- The ostriches are doing
- their pottery class later.
- Oh, I don't know.
- Whatever you want to do
- is fine by me.
- You're new here, pal.
You decide.
- Okay, let's do
- the pottery thing.
- Rock and roll!
I'll go get my coupon.
- Actually, I don't know.
- The clay might be bad
- for my eczema.
- God, he really programed
- everything.
- Well, why don't we bust out
- those journals?
And jam out some motions...
- Great, well, that's there...
- Uh, you know what?
On second thought,
- I haven't been sentient long
- enough to know what to write.
- Okay.
- Also, do you have
any lemon-ginger or chai?
- Yeah, obviously.
- Great.
Let's get cray!
Ooh, is half-caf a poss optch?
- Finally, a worthy opponent.
Me!
- Fuckin' cheers to that!
- Quadruple molar?
Hell yeah!
Beat that, bolt-brains!
Incisor, baby.
- Suck it.
- You suck it.
That's my incisor.
- You suck it.
- I got that on my first roll.
- You suck it.
No, you didn't.
You calling me a cheater,
beyotch?
- All right,
- let's make this snappy,
- 'cause I got
- a pottery class later
And Mama's gonna lay a glaze.
What the...
- Ugh. There you are!
- Uh-uh, you better get
- that gorgeous panda ass
Off my table.
You're here to service me.
- Ugh, I'm too tense to move.
- Loosen me up
- and I'll return the favor.
Maybe.
- For the record, this is only
to show you how I like it.
- Oh, I'll show you
how I like it.
- What the heck, Darby?
- Why'd everyone else
- get a cool robot?
- Oh, well, maybe
because I was saving
the coolest robot for last.
Huh?
- Existence is pain.
- I don't know.
He doesn't seem quite as...
not broken as the other robots.
- If you're suggesting that
- I threw Hudson-bot together
Out of random spare parts
that I found in my junk drawer
and assembled in 20 minutes
because I sort of kind of
maybe forgot about you, then...
- You know what?
- I don't care
- if he is an afterthought
- 'cause us after afterthoughts
- got to stick together.
Come on, Hudson-bot!
Let's be best friends.
- Death is freedom.
You're so metal.
Hey, literally!
We need to talk.
- If it's about the sign you're
- all ignoring, then I agree.
- She has no sense
- of boundaries.
- Can't she just enjoy a game?
- She's comically horny.
- She's a psycho!
She's nothing like me.
She must be destroyed!
- Listen, I don't hear
Glenn complaining.
- I hate Glenn-bot!
Glenn-bot must die!
Then again, maybe hate
is a strong word,
but spending so much time with
myself has made me look inward
and I've come to realize
that...
I suck.
Then again, maybe
this is an opportunity
to become a non-sucky person
who's able to self-actualize,
Epiphany!
Spend more time with Glenn-bot.
- Hey, Marn.
- Have you seen...
Oh, my bot.
- And I said, "Time to become
a non-sucky person
- who's able
- to self-actualize."
So I put down my journal-bot
and came here.
- That is so sweet, Glenn-bot.
And decisive.
- Huh.
- You hear that?
- I don't know what
- you're talking abot.
I mean 'bout.
- Okay, my turn.
- Death.
- No. Song. It's a song.
Okay?
That means three words.
- Kill me,
- No, three words.
- Kill me now.
- Oh, my God. So close.
Third word...
Ah, dang!
It was "Kill Me Nasty" by...
Do you sing?
- Bit pitchy,
but we'll make it work.
- Glenn-bot must die!
- It's one thing to highlight
- my sucky issues,
But now he's overcoming them.
And with zero therapy!
I must destroy him.
- So yeah,
- Darby, how do I destroy him?
- I'm sorry to hear
that, beta Glenn.
- I appreciate the gift.
I really do, but...
I'm sorry,
what did you just call me?
"Gone to snag a bag
that don't sag."
What?
- I called you beta Glenn,
as in you're beta
and I'm alpha.
- Da!
Wah!
- Hey, come on,
- can we talk about this, please?
- I mean, what did
- we ever do to you?
Nothing, except create us
and then punish us for being
exactly like you, Dad!
I mean, betas!
- Uh, we know you wanted
to destroy us.
- Yeah,
and we're exactly like you.
So guess what?
- Let the highly personalized
torture sequence begin!
- I'm going to make you
play teeth...
with your teeth!
- No!
I don't have bicuspids!
That puts me at a major
competitive disadvantage!
- As for you, it's time
for your... treatment.
Deep tissue.
- Ahh! The pain!
Why?
Actually, a little lower.
Yeah, right there.
- And you, Mr. "Maybe I Will,
Maybe I Won't,
Maybe I Need
To Shut The Hell Up."
- I'm not torturing you at all.
- Really?
That's what's up.
- 'Cause I have a date
with Marny.
- No!
It's torture!
- Well, well, well, well, well,
another party, huh?
- Guess I'm gonna have to
- talk to the mailman
'cause my dang invitations
keep getting lost
in the mail... man.
- What?
- No, Hudson, it's not a party.
What the fuck is that?
- His name is Hudson-bot.
He may not be "cool"
or "invited,"
but he's the best friend
I ever had.
- You said you'd kill me.
And yet, here I am.
- Oh, Hudson-bot,
you're so twisted.
- You're looking at the zoo's
newest musical sensation,
Zero Fox Given!
Show 'em the light show,
bot bro.
Five, six, seven, eight.
- Whoa.
- Oh!
Epiphany.
Hey, uh, careful, Hudson-bot
those lasers might bounce off
our bots and kill you.
- Kill me, you say?
Don't mind if I do.
- Hooray.
- Damn, Glenn.
- That was some
- decisive-ass thinking,
- Oh, I didn't really
- think at all,
I just... hey, I committed.
I self-actualized.
- You know,
- it's like I always say
- Before I start
- my morning pages,
Glenn, you old boy...
- I'm gonna walk into
- a laser now.
- Look at me.
- Look at me, buddy.
Look at me. Look.
You're gonna be okay, okay?
- We're gonna make you
- whole again, buddy.
Us afterthoughts got to stick
together, remember?
Darby built you once
and he can build you again.
- Sorry about that.
Fell asleep at the wheel
Coming back from the mall.
Had to snag a fresh bag.
Everyone okay?
- I'm so sorry, friend.
I...
- Freedom!
- Ah, I see.
- Bots turned evil and tried
- to kill everyone, huh?
- Yeah, out of the blue.
- For, like, no reason.
- Yeah, it was crazy.
- So where's my beanbag?
- Yeah, what the hell?
- Ooh, ooh,
- I want one with lasers.
- Oh, make mine do white noise.
- Extra beans
- for the bean queen.
And make mine vibrate.
- Ooh, can I get
- a jelly bean bag?
Ooh, and give my spikes.
- Ooh, I'm jelly
of your jelly bean bag.
- Make mine the best.
Did I get it?
Am I hot or am I cold?
- Stop overthinking
- and commit already!
Indecisive motherfucker.
Come on, big molar, big molar,
big molar, big molar!
Oh, shit, yeah!
I just took
all your bicuspids, Ze-yotch!
Suck it!
- She's a child, you psycho.
- Hey, lady, I'm not the one
who raised their kid
to be a fucking loser!
- Dang! Free massages?
Hell yes.
- I know, right?
Just start wherever
and work your way down.
Feel free to go... low.
- What the heck is this?
A party?
Oh, let me guess.
Hudson's invitation must've
got lost in the mail.
- Huh?
Oh, no, I didn't send one.
- Attention, party animals!
What do you get for the cheetah
- who has no idea what he wants
- and when you ask,
He has a full-on panic attack?
- I went with nothing.
- Yeah, same.
- Sorry, Glenn.
You got to tell a bitch.
- Behold the most giftastic
gift of all time.
The perfect companion
built to be exactly like you
in every way.
Glenn, meet Glenn-bot.
- Hey, Glenn-bot!
- How's it going?
- Hey, Glenn.
How's it going?
- Hey.
- Oh!
- Ooh, spooky.
- As fuck.
- Wow! Thanks, Darb.
- This is way better
- than the noise machine
- I told everyone I wanted,
- but no one got me, I guess.
- Hmm.
- Okay, he's perfect
and I love him.
- Happy birthday, buddy.
- What the shit?
Where's my me-bot?
- Yeah, no fair!
I want to hang out
with my awesome self.
- If they get one, I get one,
- and give mine lasers!
- Fine.
- Tea, Glenn-bot?
- Ooh, English breakfast,
please.
And decaf.
- Right. Yes, decaf, obviously.
So it's your first day.
What are we feeling?
Should we listen to music,
do some journaling,
get our morning pages in...
Or... oh!
- The ostriches are doing
- their pottery class later.
- Oh, I don't know.
- Whatever you want to do
- is fine by me.
- You're new here, pal.
You decide.
- Okay, let's do
- the pottery thing.
- Rock and roll!
I'll go get my coupon.
- Actually, I don't know.
- The clay might be bad
- for my eczema.
- God, he really programed
- everything.
- Well, why don't we bust out
- those journals?
And jam out some motions...
- Great, well, that's there...
- Uh, you know what?
On second thought,
- I haven't been sentient long
- enough to know what to write.
- Okay.
- Also, do you have
any lemon-ginger or chai?
- Yeah, obviously.
- Great.
Let's get cray!
Ooh, is half-caf a poss optch?
- Finally, a worthy opponent.
Me!
- Fuckin' cheers to that!
- Quadruple molar?
Hell yeah!
Beat that, bolt-brains!
Incisor, baby.
- Suck it.
- You suck it.
That's my incisor.
- You suck it.
- I got that on my first roll.
- You suck it.
No, you didn't.
You calling me a cheater,
beyotch?
- All right,
- let's make this snappy,
- 'cause I got
- a pottery class later
And Mama's gonna lay a glaze.
What the...
- Ugh. There you are!
- Uh-uh, you better get
- that gorgeous panda ass
Off my table.
You're here to service me.
- Ugh, I'm too tense to move.
- Loosen me up
- and I'll return the favor.
Maybe.
- For the record, this is only
to show you how I like it.
- Oh, I'll show you
how I like it.
- What the heck, Darby?
- Why'd everyone else
- get a cool robot?
- Oh, well, maybe
because I was saving
the coolest robot for last.
Huh?
- Existence is pain.
- I don't know.
He doesn't seem quite as...
not broken as the other robots.
- If you're suggesting that
- I threw Hudson-bot together
Out of random spare parts
that I found in my junk drawer
and assembled in 20 minutes
because I sort of kind of
maybe forgot about you, then...
- You know what?
- I don't care
- if he is an afterthought
- 'cause us after afterthoughts
- got to stick together.
Come on, Hudson-bot!
Let's be best friends.
- Death is freedom.
You're so metal.
Hey, literally!
We need to talk.
- If it's about the sign you're
- all ignoring, then I agree.
- She has no sense
- of boundaries.
- Can't she just enjoy a game?
- She's comically horny.
- She's a psycho!
She's nothing like me.
She must be destroyed!
- Listen, I don't hear
Glenn complaining.
- I hate Glenn-bot!
Glenn-bot must die!
Then again, maybe hate
is a strong word,
but spending so much time with
myself has made me look inward
and I've come to realize
that...
I suck.
Then again, maybe
this is an opportunity
to become a non-sucky person
who's able to self-actualize,
Epiphany!
Spend more time with Glenn-bot.
- Hey, Marn.
- Have you seen...
Oh, my bot.
- And I said, "Time to become
a non-sucky person
- who's able
- to self-actualize."
So I put down my journal-bot
and came here.
- That is so sweet, Glenn-bot.
And decisive.
- Huh.
- You hear that?
- I don't know what
- you're talking abot.
I mean 'bout.
- Okay, my turn.
- Death.
- No. Song. It's a song.
Okay?
That means three words.
- Kill me,
- No, three words.
- Kill me now.
- Oh, my God. So close.
Third word...
Ah, dang!
It was "Kill Me Nasty" by...
Do you sing?
- Bit pitchy,
but we'll make it work.
- Glenn-bot must die!
- It's one thing to highlight
- my sucky issues,
But now he's overcoming them.
And with zero therapy!
I must destroy him.
- So yeah,
- Darby, how do I destroy him?
- I'm sorry to hear
that, beta Glenn.
- I appreciate the gift.
I really do, but...
I'm sorry,
what did you just call me?
"Gone to snag a bag
that don't sag."
What?
- I called you beta Glenn,
as in you're beta
and I'm alpha.
- Da!
Wah!
- Hey, come on,
- can we talk about this, please?
- I mean, what did
- we ever do to you?
Nothing, except create us
and then punish us for being
exactly like you, Dad!
I mean, betas!
- Uh, we know you wanted
to destroy us.
- Yeah,
and we're exactly like you.
So guess what?
- Let the highly personalized
torture sequence begin!
- I'm going to make you
play teeth...
with your teeth!
- No!
I don't have bicuspids!
That puts me at a major
competitive disadvantage!
- As for you, it's time
for your... treatment.
Deep tissue.
- Ahh! The pain!
Why?
Actually, a little lower.
Yeah, right there.
- And you, Mr. "Maybe I Will,
Maybe I Won't,
Maybe I Need
To Shut The Hell Up."
- I'm not torturing you at all.
- Really?
That's what's up.
- 'Cause I have a date
with Marny.
- No!
It's torture!
- Well, well, well, well, well,
another party, huh?
- Guess I'm gonna have to
- talk to the mailman
'cause my dang invitations
keep getting lost
in the mail... man.
- What?
- No, Hudson, it's not a party.
What the fuck is that?
- His name is Hudson-bot.
He may not be "cool"
or "invited,"
but he's the best friend
I ever had.
- You said you'd kill me.
And yet, here I am.
- Oh, Hudson-bot,
you're so twisted.
- You're looking at the zoo's
newest musical sensation,
Zero Fox Given!
Show 'em the light show,
bot bro.
Five, six, seven, eight.
- Whoa.
- Oh!
Epiphany.
Hey, uh, careful, Hudson-bot
those lasers might bounce off
our bots and kill you.
- Kill me, you say?
Don't mind if I do.
- Hooray.
- Damn, Glenn.
- That was some
- decisive-ass thinking,
- Oh, I didn't really
- think at all,
I just... hey, I committed.
I self-actualized.
- You know,
- it's like I always say
- Before I start
- my morning pages,
Glenn, you old boy...
- I'm gonna walk into
- a laser now.
- Look at me.
- Look at me, buddy.
Look at me. Look.
You're gonna be okay, okay?
- We're gonna make you
- whole again, buddy.
Us afterthoughts got to stick
together, remember?
Darby built you once
and he can build you again.
- Sorry about that.
Fell asleep at the wheel
Coming back from the mall.
Had to snag a fresh bag.
Everyone okay?
- I'm so sorry, friend.
I...
- Freedom!
- Ah, I see.
- Bots turned evil and tried
- to kill everyone, huh?
- Yeah, out of the blue.
- For, like, no reason.
- Yeah, it was crazy.
- So where's my beanbag?
- Yeah, what the hell?
- Ooh, ooh,
- I want one with lasers.
- Oh, make mine do white noise.
- Extra beans
- for the bean queen.
And make mine vibrate.
- Ooh, can I get
- a jelly bean bag?
Ooh, and give my spikes.
- Ooh, I'm jelly
of your jelly bean bag.
- Make mine the best.