Why Women Kill (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - I'd Like to Kill Ya, But I Just Washed my Hair - full transcript

Previously on Why Women Kill...

Hello.

Sheila Mosconi.

It was lovely to meet you.

Rob kissed a blonde waitress.

Not Rob.

Not after
what happened

to our daughter.

Beth Ann,

confront the girl.

She might not even know
that Rob is married.



Can I get you
some coffee to start?

You look like you could use
someone to talk to,

and we're slow right now.

What is your name?

Sheila.

Tommy, what's this?

I don't know, was
here when I came in.

Is he the only one,

or have there been others?

Here's what's
going to happen.

You will go upstairs
to begin packing.

You won't come down
until everyone's gone.

Do you understand?
I will not be humiliated.

What did you do?



You think you're gonna
get out of this by dying?

Fuck you!

Tommy.

I've wanted to that
since I was 13.

Well, how old are you now?

I'm 18.

I think you should go.

Hello.

Hey, what's up?

What?

Who was that?

My friend Jade...
she has this crazy ex.

Oh... you fucking her?

- Don't be mad.
- About what?

Jade's outside.

You've become
emotionally involved.

That is an insult to me

and the sacred institution
known as open marriage.

All right, fine, one night.

I told her
she could stay the weekend.

Hey.

Thank you so much
for letting me stay.

I really, really appreciate it.

- Oh.
- Oh, my gosh.

This is crazy.

I can't believe this.

I'm staying with the guy
who wrote

my favorite movie.

If Jade needed to stay
here a couple extra weeks,

it's no problem.

I lived next
door to a nice married couple.

They seemed very much in love.

Until the night
someone heard gunshots,

and the police were called.

They said one
of those nice people

had been murdered.

I asked my mother how something
like that could happen.

All she said was,

"Marriage is harder
than it looks."

Years later, a rich couple
moved into that same house.

I always thought
they seemed happy.

Until the police came back,

and I saw the body.

The rumor was

one of the rich people
had killed the other.

I asked my fiancée
what she thought had happened.

All she said was,

"Death is cheaper
than divorce."

Last year yet another couple

came to live
in the house next door.

They were young and seemed
to have so much to live for.

But, sadly,

I heard the sirens
one more time.

I arrived at the crime scene to
have my worst fears confirmed.

I turned to my wife and said,

"Another love story
has ended in murder.

I can't believe it."

My wife looked at me and said,

"I can."

That looks delicious.

You know, you're starting
to become one of my regulars.

What is this, your
second time this week?

My third.

I'm afraid I don't have much
to occupy my days,

being a lonely widow
in a new town.

Sheila, you never told me that
your husband died. I'm so sorry.

Don't be. It happens.
Do you have a fella?

- Well, um...
- Of course you do.

You're so pretty.
What's his name?

Um... Rob.

Tell me about him.

I-I can't. Not here.

It's kind of a
complicated situation.

I understand.

Understand what?

Clearly, you're dating
a married man.

How did you know that?

You used the word "complicated."
What else could it mean?

Oh, u-um...

Please don't tell anyone.
I'm not proud of it.

Of course you're not.

Don't worry.

I can keep a secret.

Thank you.

I do have one question.

Has your married man
ever told you

why he feels the need to cheat?

Uh... what?

M-My husband had an affair,

but he died
before I could find out why.

Naturally, I'm curious.

I'm... sure it was a
completely different situation.

Or maybe it was
exactly the same. Who knows?

- Has Rob said anything?
- Not really, no.

I assume it's just the obvious:
he was bored with his wife.

Bored?

Check, please.

You know how
housewives can be.

They forget that their
husbands need more

than hot meals
and clean socks.

Men want excitement
and passion.

Lots of women just forget to
put in that kind of an effort.

They don't change
their hair.

They always wear the
same dowdy clothes.

Oh.

- Can I get you anything else?
- No.

You've already given me
more than enough to chew on.

Oh, hello.

How long have
you been here?

About an hour or so.

How are you feeling?

Eh.
You know, it's funny.

You, uh, you attempt suicide
with a bottle of sleeping pills,

and when you finally
wake up, they sedate you.

God, what were you thinking?

Look, I was ashamed
of the pain I had caused.

And you thought your death
would cause me less pain?

It was stupid and selfish.
I'm sorry.

Well, just tell me
you won't try it again.

- I won't.
- Say it.

I won't try
and kill myself again.

Good.

The doctors say
you can go home this afternoon.

Well, that's your
call, not theirs.

Can I come home?

Well, I've thought about it...
I still want a divorce.

But there's no need
to rush things.

You can stay at the house,
and then after a while,

we'll separate.

Amicably.

Charmingly.

- Charmingly?
- I want people to envy

our divorce the same way
they envied our marriage.

God forbid our friends
should ever pity you.

Our friends don't feel pity,
only schadenfreude.

And when would we separate?

Oh, sometime in July.

Ah.

After your daughter's wedding.

We've been planning all year
to make sure

every detail is perfect.

And why upstage her?

Exactly. You love Amy
as much as I do.

You wouldn't want to ruin
her special day with a divorce.

No.

Or a scandal.

Of course not.

Or a suicide.

Oh, for God's sake, Simone!

Sorry, darling, but with
what I've spent on this wedding,

I had to make sure.

Guys.

- You don't need to wait on me.
- No, no, no.

No. You are our guest.

And you're recovering
from a traumatic event.

I'm not worried
about Duke anymore.

He stopped texting me.

So, what's his deal?

- Is he crazy?
- A little.

He was always accusing me
of cheating on him.

Of course, I was,

but I would have
appreciated a little trust.

Did Duke know about you two?

Sure, yeah. Mostly
because of how we met.

Okay, come on.

How did you meet?

You never told him the story?

Well, we don't usually share
stories about our playmates.

Share,

just this once.

Okay.

I was selling lingerie
at Agent Provocateur.

Solid opening scene. Go on.

Well, I was there
to buy a few bras.

- Red lace?
- No.

The kind I like.

Oh.

So, I was in the fitting room
taking my top off

- when the zipper gets caught in my hair.
- So she sticks her head out

and is all...

- "Can you come in here for a sec?"
- Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

You had your eyes closed.

Yeah, I'm just trying
to picture it.

Don't. It's pervy.

Okay. Uh, so, what happened

after you helped my wife
out of her sweater,

he asked in a non-pervy way.

We did it.

Right there in
the fitting room.

Sex in a fitting room.

Bravo.
That was just...

Bravo.

And I am
so gonna close my eyes later.

Anyway, that was

six months ago, and
we're still together.

Six months?

Yeah.

Uh, you told me that you met
Jade just a few weeks ago.

I'm pretty sure
I said "months."

No. No.

You absolutely did not.

Well, obviously
I made a mistake.

Who wants dessert?

- I got fortune cookies.
- Actually, I was hoping

we could jump
in the hot tub.

Were you?

If it's okay with you guys.

Um...

- I don't know.
- Yeah, you know what?

I'm not really in the mood
for cookies.

Why don't I run down to
that pie shop you like,

pick up some pecan?

You guys... get in the hot tub,

have a nice little soak
until I get back.

That sounds amazing.

Doesn't that sound amazing?

Yeah, you don't mind?

Not at all.

Honey, I'm home.

Where are you?

I'm right here, darling.

I've missed you.

Is dinner ready?

Uh... not yet.

I've had a
hell of day.

I'm gonna go fix myself a drink.

Let me know when
food's on the table.

So you had a rough day?

The worst.

My best engineer quit today,

my secretary called in sick,
and on top of all that,

I took my boss's briefcase

home by mistake.

I hope

your day was better than mine.

Well, now that you ask...

I had a lovely day.

- Oh?
- Yes.

I... bought a new dress.

Did you?

Yeah.

That the dress?

It is.

What do you think?

It's nice.

Just nice?

It...

cost a whole week's allowance.

Why would you spend that much
on a dress?

I wanted to look pretty.

For you.

Oh.

Well...

thanks.

- What's wrong?
- I don't understand.

It has been years
since I bought a new dress.

And I got my nails done,
a-and I got a new hairdo.

- How could you not notice?
- Oh.

Well, to be honest,
I never notice stuff like that.

- Why not?
- 'Cause when I look at you, I don't see

clothes or hair.

I just see you...
the girl I married.

Is that so?

Yeah. I don't expect you

to be chic or stylish.

You're my wife.

I just need you
to be the... same old Beth.

What the hell?

If you're not going
to notice what I'm wearing,

why should I bother
to wear anything at all?

Honey.

You want
to see the same old Beth?

Fine. Here she is
in all her glory.

Honey!

Why is your boss here?

He probably came
to get his briefcase.

Could you give me a moment
before you open the door?

Definitely.

Simone!

I would prefer
you call me Mrs. Grove.

At least in public.

You got it... Mrs. Grove.

My mom asked me to bring
you these get-well muffins.

- Oh, that was nice of her.
- Yeah, not really.

She just wanted me to find out
what happened to Mr. Grove.

- Well, you know what happened.
- And I'm not telling her.

So I guess it's kind
of a waste of muffins.

But I can still carry them in
the house for you if you'd like.

No, thank you.

Come on, Simone!

Tommy, that kiss
we shared was sweet,

but it was not a down payment.

Look, if you don't find me
attractive, then just say so.

I find you
alarmingly attractive,

but there are
other considerations.

Like what?

Your mother is my best friend.

- So?
- So it would be

an absolute betrayal
to sleep with her child.

I'm not a child.

I've grown up, and I-I've
learned some things.

Like... how to take care
of a woman's needs.

Just give me a chance to show
you the man that I've become.

That was a lovely speech, Tommy.

Next time try it
without the skateboard.

God. Isn't this magical?

Well... it's certainly nice.

Nice?!

You have no idea the kinds
of places I grew up in.

When I was a kid, I thought

that houses like this
only existed on TV.

You never talk
about your childhood.

Yeah, yeah, that's
'cause it was shitty.

It was just bouncing
between foster homes

with parents who only saw me

as another check
from the government.

But you make me feel
like I'm worth something.

So...

yeah, that's really magical.

I guess it is.

Yeah, it is.

Is it?

Hey, guys.

Ooh!

Ooh, that's hot.

Wow.

- Eli...
- So funny.

I was on my way to the bakery,
and I remembered

we still have that pie
in the fridge.

I'm so dumb.

You're also naked. Why?

Am I the only one?

Oh, gosh, that's awkward.

Well, of course, there are

two ways to fix this situation.

I could put on a suit, or...

- Inside.
- What?

Inside... now.

Oh, there we go. Steady.

Use my arm.

It's very kind of you
to help me like this.

Oh, here, sit.

Oh. Oh, dear. Hang on.

Oh. There we are.

So, um...

Shall we begin?

- Begin what?
- The conversation.

You-you must have
questions for me.

When did I know I was gay?
How many men have I been with?

Karl, please.
I just had lunch.

You're not curious?

Not in the slightest.

And if this arrangement
is going to work,

you can't bring up topics
that will upset me.

But we need to talk about this

if we're to have any sort
of rapprochement.

- What do you mean?
- We've been married

for ten years, Simone.

You can't say
we haven't been happy.

No, I can't.

I'm glad you know the truth.

Now we can deal with
it, come to some sort

of understanding, and...

maybe we could
be happy again?

Darling, I'm not ready
to discuss this yet.

I've moved your things
into the guest room.

I don't want anyone to know that
we're staying in separate beds.

Especially not my daughter.

I understand.

Where are you going?

Oh, I-I felt
a little chilly.

I wanted to get
my cashmere throw.

Oh, well, I'll get it for you.

- Sit down.
- Thank you.

Don't be silly.

You're very kind, darling.

You son of a bitch!

All right, um,
if you'll just let me explain.

- Shut up. I'm counting pills.
- Yes, I...

I-I admit I may...
I may have dropped a few.

There are over 40 pills here.

You said you swallowed
the whole bottle.

How many did you really take?
Two? Three?

They pumped my stomach.

I'm not paying for that.

Not when a good burp
would have saved you.

And where's your cane?

Shit.

Please understand.

I was trying to
prove I love you.

By faking a suicide attempt?

You don't respond
to small gestures!

I'm going to work out.

If you and your things
are not out of this house

by the time I get home,
I will call the police.

Where am I supposed to go?

I don't care!

Well, maybe I'll go to Naomi's.

Yes. Uh,
sh-she has a guest room.

Maybe she'll ply me with liquor

and get me
to spill all my lurid secrets.

And why would you do that?

You're the one
who kept your sex life hidden.

I was married.

If you kick me to the curb,

- I'll have no reason
- not to come out.

And then you, my love, will
be another Grace Belknap.

Remember Grace?

Are you threatening me?

Yes, her husband ran off
with their carpenter, I believe.

Oh, your friends were so catty.

For God's sake, Karl...

But you were the
cruelest of all, Simone.

"Oh, poor Grace.

"I suppose her carpenter
wasn't the only one

with a stud finder."

Oh, I imagine

those women would relish
the poetic justice

if you wound up
in the same boat.

Why are you doing this?

I am fighting
for our future happiness.

By blackmailing me.

Well, like I said...

you don't respond
to small gestures.

What do you think you're doing?

What do you mean?

You own swim trunks, Eli,
multiple pairs.

So why did Jade and I
just get a face full of ass?

- Well...
- I'll tell you why.

You thought if you left Jade
and I alone to get comfortable,

we'd get a little loose,
a little frisky,

and then you
could just slide right in

and the three of us
would fuck the night away.

That may have been
on my wish list, yes.

Solid plan.

Not gonna happen.

Okay. Okay.

But what if it did?

I mean, think about it.

We like sex with each other.

We like sex
with hot women.

It's one of the reasons
we work as a couple.

We've got so much in common.

That's fine for us.

- But what about Jade?
- Oh, I'm...

I'm pretty sure
she's into me.

What? Why?

The other day,
she was going on and on

about how much
she liked my movie.

I liked The Shining.

That doesn't mean
I want to fuck Stephen King.

Okay, all right.
Well, well, if you're not sure

that she'd be into it,

ask her.

No, it'd be weird.

Weird how?

Like, I don't know

if she's that adventurous.

She fucked you
in a fitting room!

Okay.
It would be weird for us.

We've never done anything
like this before.

No, it doesn't have
to be a big deal.

No, we-we've already
got an open marriage.

Why can't it be open to Jade?

Fine.

I'll ask her for a three-way.

Will that shut you up?

I think you know it will.

Okay, but we won't pressure her.

No. No, no.

I will take her aside,
I will ask respectfully,

- and if she says no...
- Mm-hmm.

She says yes.

You two coming or what?

His boss saw your tits?

Don't make it sound
worse than it was.

I'm not sure I could.

I was so angry.

I changed my whole look.

Rob did not even notice.

Here's my two cents,
all right?

Spend them wisely.

Rob isn't cheating on you
because you don't wear

the latest styles from Paris.

What do you mean?

Ma! Mikey hit me.

What am I, your bodyguard?

Hit him back.

So what I mean is,

how is your love life?

Are you doing everything
you can to keep him interested?

Sheila.

Sometimes old dogs
need new tricks.

New tricks?

I was a virgin
on my wedding night.

I only know what Rob
was willing to teach me.

There's a book
that you should read.

What is this?

It's a manual.

For married couples.

These are dirty pictures!

They're illustrations.

They're scientific.

Why do you have this?

There was a time
that Leo and I felt

our love life needed
a little zing.

And you actually do
these things?

You see page 76?

Yes.

That's how we got Benny.

Oh, dear.

Yeah. That's not
for beginners.

Let's go back a few chapters.

Ah. That's a classic.

We like to do that
in the shower.

You've done that to Leo?

That's...

how I got my Pontiac.

And you really think
Rob will like these things?

I do.

And...

I won't feel humiliated after?

Sex is how women
gain power over men.

And there is nothing
humiliating about that.

Jumping jacks!

Two, three, four,

five, six,
seven, eight...

Simone, I've never seen you
work out so fiercely.

I began to wonder if maybe
you're upset about something.

Not at all.

Just burning off
the muffins you sent.

So, Karl's home?

Yes.

And everything's fine?

Yes.

Why do you ask?

It's just...

Wanda left the most cryptic
message on my answering machine.

Before she left for rehab.

She intimated that you
and Karl were having

some sort
of marital problems.

Oh, we're fine, Naomi.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Simone, please.

You don't have to pretend.

Not with me.

I wasn't surprised.

I've known for some time
about Karl's indiscretions.

I don't know
what you've heard...

I didn't hear.

I saw with my own eyes.

What exactly did you see?

I-I was picking up
my dry cleaning one day,

and there was his car,

parked across the street
at some seedy motel.

So you know everything.

I do.

I mean, I couldn't tell you
who the woman was, but...

The woman?

I wanted to catch him
in the act,

but I couldn't just stand there
all day,

waiting for him
and his floozy to come out.

So you have no idea
who he was with?

No.

Do you?

Oh, Naomi.

I really do have to go.

The important thing is,

is that you finally know
the truth.

"Finally"?

How long ago did this happen?

I don't know.

Year ago.

Maybe two.

You knew my husband
was cheating for two years

and you said nothing?

Wives always say
they'd want to know

if their husbands were cheating,

but they never forgive
the person who tells them.

But you're my best friend.

And you're... one of mine.

I'm so glad we had this talk.

You still want
to make love to me?

Yeah.

I'm free today at 4:00.

Great.

Where should we go?

You're a man now.
Figure it out.

Hi there.

You're home early.

I have a business dinner.

I wanted to come home
and shower first.

Another business dinner.

You've had
a lot of those lately.

Sorry, honey.

Duty calls.

Oh, before we get in there,
got any Jade tips for me?

You know, dos and don'ts?

Stuff she likes,
stuff she doesn't.

Oh. You know
that thing you do to me?

- With your tongue?
- The circle thing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Don't do that.

You don't think she'd like that?

- No.
- Why not?

Because I've never liked it.

Copy that. Good tip.

Honey, what are you doing?

What is this?

I want to try something
I read in a book.

I think you'll like it.

Beth Ann...

Shh.

I have to concentrate.

- Hold still.
- Beth Ann.

Oh, my God.

Oh,
my God.

Oh, my God.

Seriously, honey,
that kind of hurts.

I'll go slower.

You really don't have to...

Ow. Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, dear.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
that just happened.

Well, it did.

Wow.

I must have done something...

really good in a past life.

Like...

like maybe I was Jesus or...

or that guy that cured polio.

What was his name?

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, it's all
about you guys now.

So what can I do to help?

I'm open to
suggestion.

Hello?

- Hey, babe, can you just give us a minute?
- Yeah?

Yeah, we're both
very, very close.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sure.

I'm hungry.

You guys hungry?

Whew.

I'm gonna get some pie.

Whew. Yeah.

Simone.

Hello, Tommy.

You look nice.

Thank you.

I have the catering van
all afternoon.

Oh, clever idea
switching cars.

Where are we going?

What do you mean,
"Where are we going?"

We're here.

You can't be serious.

You want to make love
to me in a catering van?

The futon is brand-new,
and so are the sheets.

Well, technically,
they're tablecloths.

There's no way I'm getting
into your mobile sex den.

For God's sake.

Then come inside.

Come on.

Oh!

So... what do you think?

You like the candle?

It's sandalwood.

All I can smell
is pastrami.

Oh, yeah. We catered
a bris yesterday.

I can't do this.

Wait.

I even got us music.

I don't care if you hired
the Budapest String Quartet.

I'm not fucking you in a van.

Look, I know you were probably
hoping for a nice hotel,

but I can't afford that.
I'm sorry.

Don't be. I needed to remember
this is a bad idea. Thank you.

Wait-wait.
So y-you're just leaving?

You've always been a good kid.

And you're becoming
a good... friend,

but let's not let a silly
impulse ruin that, okay?

Okay.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

What will you tell
the doctor?

The truth.

I was cut to shreds

moments after my wife
turned into a French whore.

There's no need to be rude.

Well, I'll be more pleasant once
I've stopped bleeding profusely.

For God's sake.
What were you thinking?

I wanted to surprise you.

Well, next time bake a cake.

- I got the idea from...
- a sex manual.

It said men like
that sort of thing.

Well, men on shore leave,
perhaps. Not me.

Well, I had to do something.

Why?

I feel you pulling away from me.

That's not true.

- It is. It absolutely is.
- Nah.

- It's work. I've been preoccupied.
- No.

It's more than that.

You're unhappy.

I see it.

Every day.

You get up,
you go to work,

you come home,
you eat dinner,

you put on a smile
for my benefit,

and then you go to sleep.

That's what your life is.

And it's empty.

Because of what
we've suffered.

Please don't talk about that.

We've tried
not talking about it,

and it doesn't help.

You're drowning in the routine
of your existence.

I know because I'm drowning
alongside you.

But maybe if
we help each other...

we can survive.

I wish I was a better man.

You are a fine man.

I've made choices...

I'm not proud of.

Like what?

Mr. Stanton?

The doctor
will see you now.

Oh. Okay.

I'll be back soon.

Rob.

I'm glad we had
this little talk.

I feel better.

That was fun, huh?

I mean, I knew sex was cool,
because I'm not a virgin,

but my limited experience

with the girls
on the drill team

did not prepare me for that.

Simone?

Hey, are you okay?

Yes.

Are you sure?
Because y-you seem upset.

No.

I now realize
what I've been missing for...

God, such a very long time.

So you and Mr. Grove never...?

Not for years.

I told myself it's marriage.
Passion fades.

That's what happens
when you get old.

You're not old.

You're a goddess.

Well, the temple's been closed
for quite some time.

But thank you.

For reminding me
that I'm still alive.

You want to do it again?

Yes. What day's good for you?

No, I meant now.

Now?

You can go again already?

Ah, youth.

Eli?

In here.

I got to hand it to you, babe.

That was some kind of fun.

Oh, I'm so glad
we went there.

It was absolutely...

Wow.

Yeah.

That's it?

Hey, you don't get a lot of
I-told-you-sos with me, babe.

Don't waste this one.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Are you sulking?

- No.
- Then what's up?

'Cause you don't look
like a man who just had

his lifelong dream fulfilled.

I need to ask you something.

Okay.

You in love with her?

I knew it.

Six months.

That... should have been
my first clue.

I think you're jumping
to conclusions here.

I saw the way
that you looked at her.

When?

I was there in the doorway.

You two were holding
each other and...

I can't remember the last time
you looked at me like that.

Honey.

This isn't about me.

This is about you.

Don't do that.

You've been insecure lately
because of your career.

Are you in love with her?

No.

Really? Because... that look.

Look, I'll admit,

she's more
than just another hookup.

And I should have told you
about her a long time ago.

But my love story...

is with you.

And it always will be.

Okay?

I guess I have been feeling
a little insecure lately.

Yeah.

And when you guys
didn't come downstairs...

I'm sorry about that.

Truly.

Are we good?

Yeah, we're good.

Hey.

I thought we were having pie.

Yes, we are.
We are.

Great.

Just don't expect
ice cream.

Unless you guys
like it drinkable.

Oh, hello.

- Where have you been?
- You committed adultery, Karl.

That means you're
no longer entitled

to keep tabs on my life.

Eh, fair enough.

Did you go to the gym?

- Why?
- Oh, I don't know.

You seem, uh, energized.

Do I?

Yes. Have you embarked
on a new exercise regimen?

As a matter of fact, I have.

And I plan on working out
as often as I can.

Well, I should get going.

Going?

To my dinner meeting.

You've just gotten back
from the hospital.

I feel fine.

Surely whomever you're
meeting with has already left.

I called the restaurant.

They're still there.

Oh.

Rob, please don't go.

Honey.

This has been
an awkward night.

I really do think you and I
need some time together.

I need to make an appearance.

They must be important clients.

Very important.

Don't wait up.